I think about this ALL of the time. Throughout history women didn't have these options and nature provides no mechanism to protect us because it wants to force it on us, so without current society we would lose these things.

Hoq would you cope and keep yourself safe from forced pregnancy? Do you think of this too?

I'm so close to recovery from this fear. I had an extreme fear of pregnancy with my ex gf.

-She had her periods. I saw her period with my own eyes. She had a fresh dark red blood stain on the bed. She said she was cramping and therefore didn't have sex that day. She even had periods for the following multiple months. She tells me she's not pregnant. -She took a pregnancy test 3 weeks and it was negative -5 months since last time having sex -Always used condoms but may have forgotten to pinch top.

-zero evidence that she is pregnant. Not. A. Single. One

• Therefore, I know it is impossible to be pregnant

Yet the fear still persisted and made my life miserable. However, one thing that has been helping my recovery is that I do exposures. I tell myself that it's okay for her to be pregnant or it doesn't matter. The fear is unavoidable but it matters how I respond to it. Letting the fear stay and not responding to it made it die down. I also blocked my ex from everything which would stop me from future contact and checking for reassurance.

I've been going to therapy and I'm so close to getting better, I can feel it. I would appreciate if anyone else can give me further guidance.

So on november 4 i lost my virginity and my hymen ruptured lots of blood so i washed my vagina immediately. he only inserted it once and used a condom (also he didnt have precum or ejaculation). I had my last period October 16 that was the first day and its november 23 now I still haven’t got my period. I am so worried to the point that it affects my sleep,stress and appetite. In the last 2 days i experience gas,constipation and lil bit of gagging but it went away also no discharges. Now im just experiencing lil bit of discharges white yellowish but mild cramps too & upper back pain yet still no period. Pls help me out am I pregnant or not give advices to me pls

UPDATE: I got my period on day 40

I really hope this doesn't come off as shaming or judgemental, I don't mean this in a "if you don't wanna get pregnant keep your legs closed" way. I'm just genuinely trying to understand because I'm a virgin and maybe I'm missing something.

I'm a straight woman so I understand the desire for that type of intercourse, but is it THAT good that it outweighs the risk of pregnancy and the paranoia and terror afterwards? There are SO MANY other kinds of sex that CAN'T get you pregnant but that provide the same amount of pleasure and intimacy and I have trouble understanding why people don't just avoid that specific act. There's oral, there's hand stuff, there's toys, strap-ons...

Like lesbians do this ALL the time! You can just make the guy wear a strap-on and it'll be the same thing! What does penetration with a real penis have that those other types of sex don't?

I know you can still feel paranoid from things that can't cause pregnancy because it's not entirely rational, but I feel like avoiding the one thing that WILL get you pregnant would help.

I just want to know what it is that makes you still do it despite everything. It just feels like self-harm to me.

CW: mentions of sex acts

I recently decided that I want to get an IUD. My boyfriend and I had sex November 8th, no penetration but bare grinding. This was 3 days before I started ovulating according to my period app. I’m currently 5 days late, and my anxiety has gotten to the point where I can’t leave my home. I’m too terrified to take a test because the thought of it being positive makes me throw up. I’ve been doing everything. Black cohash, mugwort, ibuprofen, caffeine. I haven’t been eating much because of this combination (I know its horrible but its the only thing that can give me any relief). I have pretty inconsistent cycles that’s always changing. For the beginning of the year it started at the exact end of the month, it changed after I moved to start typically on the 14th. I know my panic is making it worse, but I just don’t know what to do. This paranoia is literally controlling my life.

I have an iud, I haven’t had sex in 3 months, and have had 3 relatively normal Periods for me. However my last period was lighter than normal and the election went right, and suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about the “..but like what if I am”. I didn’t want to test because I know it never ends with just a test.

I broke down and took a test (both because what if the hook effect right) and they were negative. But it took longer than 1 minute for the test to develop and it was a rapid test so it only needed 1. Turns out I was supposed to dip it for 20 seconds and not 5.

I believe logic would dictate that since the test developed and the control line appeared, the test was valid. But I’m feeling myself losing control of logic

This paranoia ruins my life. It ruins my relationship with my husband. It ruins my happiness. Not as much as getting pregnant would but all i want is to have a good happy life without this looming over me. I just want my tubes out so i can finally be free but im too poor and no one would help me anyway because everyone is so fucking sexist and theyd think im just a hysterical woman. I am incredibly scared all the time, but i will never change my mind about not wanting to have children, even if i was mentally stable. I just want this to be over

I've been on this subreddit for some time now and I'm happy to see that I'm not alone with these thoughts, but sometimes I wonder if reading about these posts also exacerbates my problem by making me think of it more. Like it's validating but at the same time it reinforces my fears...

I want to know what you think. Does it make you feel better? Does it make you worry more? Both could be true, at the same time even.

Recently I met a guy I wad really into. He had a way of turning on my sex drive, which has a habit of dying when I'm not in a relationship, but things got intense really fast. It was a wirl wind. We had arranged a time to meet up and he jumped into "so if you get pregnant you'll have to move in with me" (huge red flag imo).

And I said if I get pregnant I'm getting an abortion and he got real quiet. He has some intense trauma with miscarriages so I get why this was a no go for him, but pregnancy and the idea of giving birth is a HUGE terror for me which i explained. After he ranted at me about how wrong it (abortion) was I started looking I to seeing if there are other people like me and I came across the term tokophobia.

When roe v wade was over turned I got an IUD. Those are good but not infallible. And condoms break. Sure the chances of getting pregnant are low, especially with both those factors, but not impossible and I will not take that chance. And he turned me into the bad guy for it, so I ended it before it began.

I've realized my tokophobia had stopped me from seeking relationships, especially sexual ones. I want to be a mom... I want to have a romantic relationship... i want to have sex. I just don't want to get pregnant. I don't want to give birth... I can't. I can't.

(TW : SA within animal species)

I'm not sure if animals have enough of an understanding of pregnancy to even develop it, but then they don't seem distressed when they experience changes during pregnancy so they must feel it's normal. I think if it was possible it would only be found in more intelligent animals like dolphins or other great apes.

I think they know sex causes pregnancy to an extent and seem to have an understanding of paternity based on how they act, but it's hard to tell the difference between actually "knowing" and pure instinct.

Some female animals do resist sex and species like dolphins and ducks have genitals to prevent pregnancy from coercion (so unfair that we don't have that!!!). So female animals do try to prevent getting pregnant. But I wonder if it's ever about not wanting to be pregnant AT ALL or simply not wanting to be pregnant by a specific male since they do have that selective instinct for the best genes. I wonder if there are animals that simply decide to never mate.

I think hyenas would be a good indicator (I was obsessed with them in middle school). It's impossible to rape them and they're very intelligent so they likely understand cause and effect, and childbirth is horrible for them. So if it was possible for animals to have tokophobia (or simply not want to have children) hyenas would certainly have that option.

In any case, if there are any childless ducks / hyenas / animals in general, we probably don't know. Animal scientists either wouldn't notice, wouldn't think it important to mention, or would simply assign a different explanation other than an animal choosing not to be pregnant. So unless someone actively investigated that I don't think we'll ever know.

I hope this wasn't too weird of a post!

I'm 20 with primary tokophobia (meaning developped the phobia before ever being pregnant), been feeling like this since I was around 18, at least to the extent that it's a phobia. I'm curious to know how old most people like me are. I imagine secondary tokophobia would have older people on average since they've had children in the past.

I just want to know. I have a suspicion that it's mostly going to be young people like me but I'm curious to know how this fear persists and if it gets any better.

View Poll

I've often thought of getting sterilized in hopes it would help with my obsessive thoughts and anxiety but I've read some accounts where it's still not enough and the irrational fear is still there. I'm just curious to see how prevalent each experience is. Feel free to elaborate in the comments! I'm aware "helped / not helped" is a bit of a limited set of options, I mostly just want to know how you see it.

View Poll

I described my situation then listed all the reasons why i cant be pregnant and why i might be pregnant, it told me there is no chance i could be pregnant and it reassures me everytime i freak out about a new thing like stomachache i had today.

I also sent it my pregnancy tests without giving context and just asked “is it negative or positive”, it told me they are negative.

I still am thinking about getting a third test but i want to wait till my period comes first, it should be in 15 days and it will be my fourth period since i had sex. If it is late however i will freak out and buy the pharmacy ‘s whole stock probably lol. Till then, chatgpt calmed me down pretty well tbh i would recommend

My app says my period will be here In 2 days. I am not insane hardly at all besides a couple cramps earlier in the week. My boobs are usually sore and usually I cramp more.

All we’ve done is have sec with a condom on. The condom fit. It never broke. There’s always an air bubble at the tip. It’s rolled all the way down. And we also use the spermicide condoms. We check multiple times during sex to make sure it hasn’t broken or anything.

He has never cum inside me or on my bits. Not even near me. And he pulls out waAaay before he finishes.

I can’t stop being worried. What do I do?

I had sex like a month ago and we used condoms, none of them broke and he didnt really cum in me neither. Two days after the sex i got my period because it was due that day, however i got the next one a little early (like 2 days) and felt like it was shorter. However it was like normal since i get really bad cramps on day 1 then slowly get less bleeding the days after and everything seemed fine, i was relieved i wasnt pregnant and went on.

Until i got a tiktok on my fyp. It was about having periods yet still being pregnant. I learned about cryptic pregnancies that way and freaked out. Now i feel nauseous often, im trying the reassure myself saying it is only from anxiety but my brain is still freaking out i might be pregnant.

I am chubby so i don’t know if i have a bump or not, i took two tests which seems negative as far as i can tell but it is stressing me out so much i find it hard to believe it or think i did something wrong and got a false negative.

My doctor gave me a new anxiety med and the side effect says “breast pains, lactation, uneven period cycles, period being late” and i am freaking out about that too, im thinking of not taking that med at least till my next period because i know i would go insane if those happened.

I don’t know what to do right now, i wanna get a blood test or ultrasound but im scared it will be seen on my records bc my mom has access to them and they send her a text everytime i book an appointment for some reason (im 22). What should i do? Is there a chance i could be pregnant?

So my gf has started taking pills last month (Micropil). She started it on her last day of period. She always took it on time. Her most late intake is around 10 minutes only. On the 11th day, after her 10th pill, we started having raw sex. I think we went at it for 1 week straight. After the first pack, she had a light period for four days. This worried her initially as she thought it was withdrawal bleeding. After starting the second pack right after a pill-free week, we started doing it again. Three days later, she started to hurt when peeing, and her urination became more frequent. We thought of it as her UTI coming back, but this time, she's having incontinence. There were two instances wherein she wasn't able to hold her pee. This worried us as websites say that this could either be caused by UTI or pregnancy. What are the odds here?

i’ve been anxious lately because my last withdrawal bleed on my birth control was super super light and out of the ordinary from my other periods on the pill. i take my pill at the same time everyday and have never missed a day either. my partner and i also use condoms as well as pull out too. i was freaking out when my withdrawal bleed was super light very light brown when its usually a medium flow with very dark brown dark red color. i wanted to take a test but have been too scared to so i just haven’t and now i am on my second week of my new pack. tonight i’ve been having pains (may be gas pains idk) around my hips and a little inward were my ovaries are and i was having mild cramping during the first week of pills and during this week but nothing coming out.

i was scrolling through reddit and saw a post that someone had to get an abortion and they said they took a pill too and took it every day. i know i shouldn’t be freaked out cause i don’t know their story. they could’ve taken something that interacted with it or they don’t use condoms like i do etc, but it’s hard to not spiral when your already worried yourself.

Single, mid-30s… not sure where to start. Growing up I was never someone who dreamt of being pregnant and have always had somewhat of an aversion to it. I am not freaked out by other people’s pregnancies at all, it’s just something I’ve never wanted to do myself. However, as I got older, and I guess the reality of pregnancy became more real, I have developed fear around the medical side of it in regards to both the pregnancy, childbirth and the toll physically in the weeks following birth, and just not wanting to go through those bodily changes at all. The fear is enough to make me not want to get pregnant at all. But if I were to meet someone, fall in love and marry, I do feel like the physical act of carrying a baby I created with a person I love is beautiful. Despite feeling that way, it sounds good in theory, but then actually having to do it feels impossible for me. So I’m also extremely conflicted because I wish I didn’t feel the way that I do.

There are also so many necessary and important aspects to being a parent beyond the carrying and birth and I feel like I could thrive at those things and also have a good family relationship so I value creating a family. There are many examples of women physically having their own kids and being terrible parents and people using surrogates or adopting and being amazing parents so I don’t view not having the child myself in a totally negative light.

In an ideal world, I would be able to use a surrogate because I am not sure I can get beyond the fear. I just started dating again after the end of a 5 year relationship (ended for other reasons and he didn’t ultimately want kids anyways) but I’m nervous I would never find a man who both wants children and would be open to surrogacy without me physically being unable to have them myself. I realize at my age there could be a likelihood of that anyways, and to be honest because I’m afraid of pregnancy it feels like that would be a relief. I’m also not against adoption, but I would love the children to be genetically mine if it’s possible.

Is severe anxiety and fear over pregnancy enough to have a surrogate medically covered? It feels like this should be considered a medical need in the same way as infertility because it’s not just run of the mill nerves. I also feel like it’s not good for a mother or baby to be extremely anxious or panicking throughout a pregnancy. I can’t imagine feeling that way for 9 months and I wouldn’t want any of that to somehow affect the health of the baby.

I feel ridiculous and a lot of shame over feeling this way, and the fear doesn’t mean I don’t want children or to have a family. And like I mentioned I feel like I will never find a partner who would be ok with using a surrogate without a “medical” need (if we can afford one, I know how expensive it is) so it just ends up making me feel hopeless when it comes to dating again. How would I even broach this topic and when? At our age it’s an important topic and one that would naturally come up, especially for men wanting children. I also have no desire to choose to have kids on my own without a spouse. It makes me feel pretty hopeless and like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack.

I’m on the birth control pill and I started my placebo week on Sunday and I haven’t gotten my withdrawal bleed yet. Usually I get it on that Monday or even start like two days before my placebo week starts but nothing yet and very minimal cramps. I went to the bathroom and there was just a little pink on the toilet paper. Here are the facts about my situation and you all can tell me if I should be worrying or not.

• I take my pills consistently and always at the same time everyday and I have never ever missed a pill. I don’t think I take any medication that would interact with the pill. I take Lexapro, Zofran (as needed for anxiety nausea), Advil & Tylenol as needed, Pepcid as needed, I was taking Omeprazole but stopped recently. Have not been on any antibiotics.

• I use condoms with my partner and we always pull out too. Condom has never broken and I check it after and nothing seems to leak out.

• I had a normal withdrawal bleed last month. I was having the withdrawal bleed while I was sick last month and that sickness turned out to be mono. With mono I had a high white blood cell count, and high liver enzymes which the doctor said is common for mono and would go down. I have not had my blood rechecked since the beginning of September. I feel better now and do not feel sick anymore but if you know anything about mono, I will have the virus in my system for life now.

• I have had to increase my Lexapro dose to 10mg instead of 7.5mg because of recent increased anxiety maybe stemming from the mono diagnosis.

• The last time I had sex was middle of August and it was protected and pullout was used as well as using the condom and no errors as far as I could see. I did not have sex for a couple of weeks because I was sick and did not want to give my partner mono. First time I had sex since then was last weekend also protected.

Do I have any reason to be worrying?

i have a very bad tokophobia all beacuse i have a partner for a year and we are sexually active my last period was on 11th of august and im starting to get really anxious when it will come(they usually last 7 days and are not regular) me and my partner use condoms but when we dont we use the pullout method(he pulls out and continues untill he finishes) so its not really possible to get the sperm inside me i am just rrally scared i always am and when i complain to him he says that he was as careful as always and that i shouldnt panic beacuse i always panic but i just cant stop overthinking i should have been more careful and i really dont need a baby right now and i just cant imagine telling my parents/friends beacuse i am so afraid i just couldnt tell anyone

Beetlejuice forces a pregnancy on Lydia, it's quick and also disgusting. It's "fake" in that the baby disappears after but the visual was still nauseating.

And then that same demon baby appears in a nightmare that Lydia has about her child (Jenna Ortega) giving birth at the end of the movie.

My husband ended up hugging me for a while outside the theater. Ugh. I always post here when a piece of media has something we wouldn't want to see.

I am 20F and I found this page a few months ago when my tokophobia was at its worse. Since then I have felt like my anxiety meds and my periods becoming regular had calmed down my nerves enough for me to attempt some kind of sexual experience. So last week my partner and I gave each other head, he received first then I did for a little until I had to stop cause I got anxious then he received some again. He was totally understanding and has been through this whole process, but now my anxiety is 10000x worse. I’m worried somehow precum or cum got in me as we were both naked or if I got pregnant somehow since it was a few days after Flo projected my ovulation. I know it’s only been a week but I’ve been a little nauseous which would just be my nerves. Is there a chance I could be pregnant and does anyone have recommendations on how to get over this fear because I thought I was calm enough to become sexually active again, but I guess I am not.

I am an extremely anxious person when it comes to pregnancy and I overthink every little symptom or anything I feel throughout the day and think the worst about it.

I’ve been feeling nausea on and off. So this might be from me being diagnosed with mono a week or two ago and some people say it can mess with your stomach but I am not sure about that and my mind automatically thinks pregnancy is the culprit. This started randomly this week in the mornings I would feel nauseous and not want to eat until the afternoon or not even until dinner. I also have emetephobia (fear of getting sick) so it makes my anxiety so bad and then the anxiety causes nausea too. I also had a really traumatic anxiety episode last weekend where I was really nauseated and had multiple panic attacks so not sure if this is all just anxiety but the nausea in the mornings and I even can’t eat all of my food my belly feels full quickly and then I get nauseous again.

I want to say I am very careful. I take a birth control pill and I take it everyday on time and never missed a pill. My bf and I also use protection and he pulls out as well with protection still on and we use protection everytime. I also haven’t had sex in a couple weeks due to being sick with mono. Last time I had sex was the middle of August and with the symptoms I’m having showing up now it’s like 3-4 weeks have gone by and I’m anxious. I don’t want to take a test though because I got my last withdrawal bleed and they aren’t super heavy but I did notice some clotting that came out and usually any kind of clotting is inconsistent with pregnancy so I’m holding on to that to help me through. It also doesn’t help that I keep seeing pregnancy announcements everywhere on social media and someone at my work just announced she’s pregnant yesterday too.

I'm currently 3 days late to my period. I was sick last week, and this week the temperature in my country went from 35° to an average of 20°. I know both of these factors may result in a period getting delayed but I am still very concerned that it might not come. I have not experienced any symptoms which are of not other than your usual cramp, but I did spot a bit a few days ago. Am I worried for nothing or is something bigger happening?

I don’t know why I am having nausea in the morning making me not want to eat my breakfast. I’ve been having super bad general anxiety lately so I don’t know if I wake up with anxiety and I also have emetephobia (fear of vomiting) so the nausea makes me freak out more. I also was diagnosed with mono 2 weeks ago and all my symptoms have gone away but I don’t know if nausea is something that can happen with that. But just because the nausea is in the morning is freaking me out. I’ve also been super tired but that can be from my anxiety medicine which is known to make me tired and mono makes you super tired too.

But I can’t help thinking of the worst. I haven’t had sex since mid-August because I’ve been sick. But I take birth control every day on time and never missed a day. My partner and I also use condoms and pullout. But with all the medicine I’ve been taking I’m scared something interacting with the birth control. I haven’t taken any antibiotics or herbal supplements which I know can interact. But I worry all the time I took something which not many people know interacts and I won’t know either.

Hey any one else here medically sterile? Did you op to have it done due to your phobia or did it need to be done for health reasons and helped with your phobia. Mine was a bit of both.

How did it go? Were they supportive?

I have shared my tokophobia to a very close friend which has helped me somewhat. But I feel the need to talk to my mother. I'm not even sure what her stance on abortion is at this point (she's become scarily more right-wing over the years and I have trouble talking with her about anything political). I love her and I need to feel like she supports me but I'm scared she won't. I want to get sterilized but I don't want it to be done without telling her. I want her to accept my decision without pain, as unrealistic as it is. At least I want her to understand me.

CW for description of sex and using a pregnancy test

I recently switched from combo birth control with estradiol to the progestin-only mini pill and after 18 days of use I've gotten pretty bad breast tenderness that I didn't get on my old pills. I also started getting GERD more often especially late at night. I've also been on testosterone (I'm trans) for 2 months which has had a few weird side effects of its own starting out.

I'm normally very perfect about my pills, but an issue with the combo pill was that I'd lose track of the placebo week and sometimes start my new pack a few days late. This makes me paranoid about the efficacy of my pills in the past. I also came back from a trip in July where I had to adjust my pill time due to the time zone change; I took 2 pills in one day to do this.

My partner and I don't have intercourse often as we're pretty kinky and tend to prefer other methods of sexual activity. When we do have intercourse we use condoms, except for one instance a month ago where they wanted to feel how I felt inside without a condom and put their penis inside for a few seconds and pulled out, making sure there was no precum before or after doing so (I consented to this; they are very understanding of my tokophobia and even want to avoid certain things sometimes so I don't get anxious).

However, sometimes I or my partner will get semen on hands after a handjob. We usually wash up before I decide it's my turn. We rarely ever use fingers for penetration as I prefer toys, but I do use fingers to rub my clitoris. We both have ADHD which makes both of us forgetful so sometimes get I paranoid that I or my partner forgot to wash hands before touching me.

I didn't think about the breast tenderness much since I switched my pills until I realized it's a pregnancy side effect. This alone freaked me out despite everything, so I took a pregnancy test a few minutes ago. It came out negative and stayed that way even after the 2 minutes it was supposed to sit for.

However, my last period was less than 3 weeks ago, so I don't think I'm due for my next one in 5 days like the pack said. The mini pill and my testosterone are both supposed to stop my period, so I don't even know if it matters since I'm probably not going to get my period at all. This sucks because a missed period is usually the way you tell you're pregnant, but in my case it won't really tell me anything. I guess I can take another pregnancy test when I'm actually due for my period, but I hate the paranoia I'll have to deal with until then. I'm especially scared that it would be too late to have an abortion if I waited that long.

TLDR: I switched from combo pills to the mini pill and got breast tenderness. I used to have trouble starting new combo pill packs on time. My partner and I use protection, but I'm worried that we may have forgotten to wash our hands after a handjob. Pregnancy test was negative but I took it more than five days before my period is supposed to happen. My period likely won't happen due to the mini pill and testosterone, so I don't know if the test is accurate or not or when to take it.

How do pregnancy tests work if you have suppressed periods? Are they still accurate if you take them long before your supposed period time? Advice and similar stories are appreciated

TW: Pregnancy mentions, weight loss, and self-harm (phobia story)

Hi, I'm a 36-year-old non-binary person who is AFAB. I was never around young children much growing up and never babysat. At the age of 15, I knew right away that I never wanted children of my own, but I had no idea why. In my early 20s, I started getting really "icked" out by the idea of becoming pregnant—hearing about it from others, seeing it on TV and in movies—it all made me feel sick to my stomach. Then, I started having very vivid, graphic nightmares about pregnancy, often involving self-harm. I knew something was wrong.

When I was 21, I started dating my long-term boyfriend, now my husband. Once we became active in bed (lol 😆), the nightmares worsened. One day, while sitting at my dorm desk, I noticed a red line on my tummy, probably from something pressing into it. But I got paranoid and did the dumb thing... I consulted Dr. Google and started reading strange things about pregnancy symptoms.

That made my mind spiral. I refused any intimacy and even stopped eating because, in my panicked mind, I thought, "Oh, if I am pregnant, I can starve it off!" Soon, I was so anxious that I started vomiting, and every night, I cried myself to sleep. I lost six pounds in a very short time.

It was nearing Christmas break, and I was terrified to go home in this state, with my thoughts running wild and leading me toward self-harm. When I got home, my period was due but didn’t come, which, as you can imagine, made me even more anxious. So, I gathered my courage and told my mom, a registered nurse, that I thought I was pregnant. She tried to sympathize but couldn’t really (she’s kind of a narcissist, but that’s a story for another time).

Anyway, we were out Christmas shopping when she suddenly looked at me and said, "If you don’t stop panicking, I’m buying you a damn pregnancy test, and you're going to take it right now in the mall bathroom." I sat down and had a full-blown meltdown (found out at 32 that I’m actually autistic, diagnosed then). I was shaking and told her I could pull it together. Somehow, I calmed myself down, and the next morning, I finally started my period—over 2.5 weeks late. (Also, later in my 30s, I found out I have endometriosis.)

I had many other scares like this in my 20s, leading to several mental breakdowns. So, I started researching this fear and learned about tokophobia. That began the long and tiring journey of asking many doctors to tie my tubes. Stupidly, every one of them, with their biases, said, "Not until you’ve had at least two children." My response was always, "I want zero." Some even laughed and said, "You’ll never know real joy" (seriously, two doctors said that kind of thing).

Now, for the good news: This year, in February, on my birthday, I saw an OBGYN endometriosis specialist I had waited two years to see. She planned to remove my endometriosis, but best of all, she approved the removal of both my tubes—no questions asked. I was so happy I ugly cried in her office. Best birthday ever.

And as of three days ago, I am now sterile, unless I pay thousands for IVF, which I never plan to do. Sitting here on recovery day three, I have less anxiety than I’ve had in years.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Lol 😆