my reaction when my wife asks me how much i spent on the machine that turned me into 18 copies of Rodney Dangerfield
1 Comment
2024/03/22 01:28 UTC
23
My dad's response when I ask him what he expects me to do with the stopwatch he brought to our annual board game night at the slaughterhouse
0 Comments
2024/03/21 20:06 UTC
128
my reaction when i'm a newspaper delivery man and i'm delivering to an orange trousered stickman with funky hair
3 Comments
2024/03/19 19:12 UTC
72
MRW I see my dog sitting at the door waiting to be let out
1 Comment
2024/03/14 21:48 UTC
42
MRW I have to find a cellphone provider in Canada.
0 Comments
2024/03/13 14:18 UTC
260
MRW my son starts crying after he opens the knockoff "Masters of the Universe" action figure I bought him for Christmas
12 Comments
2024/03/12 07:10 UTC
17
When you're a British person in an open relationship and the guy you were going to have a threesome with backs out at the last minute because he doesn't vibe with your husband
1 Comment
2024/03/09 00:02 UTC
170
MRW I'm an element that has, once again, unsuccessfully attempted to bond with a noble gas
3 Comments
2024/03/08 18:33 UTC
443
MRW I set up an at-home sleep apnea test and my wife comes home asking why my Frankenstein looking ass needs all those wires
6 Comments
2024/02/23 17:52 UTC
157
MRW I try to X out of a program but it just minimizes to the system tray.
4 Comments
2024/02/21 00:05 UTC
111
MRW I work out a plan for damage control after my private video of myself beating my meat was leaked and became viral.
You used to call me on my cellphone.
2 Comments
2024/02/15 14:16 UTC
81
MRW it’s 10:01pm on April 30th and the doctor just told me the baby is still 2 hours from being born and my wife asks me when the baby will be born.
3 Comments
2024/02/14 18:15 UTC
51
MRW I'm having a meeting with my generals but suddenly food poisoning kicks in
2 Comments
2024/02/09 22:28 UTC
99
MRW the math professor tells us he's going to calculate the average to solve the problem, but he keeps refusing to tell us which values
1 Comment
2024/02/09 08:45 UTC
390
MRW me and my wife notice the “Wearing sunglasses in this field carries a 15 year prison sentence” billboard
8 Comments
2024/02/08 01:54 UTC
147
MRW my teeth got knocked out boxing so I had to put in my oversize veneers before I check into the hotel
3 Comments
2024/02/05 08:45 UTC
32
MRW I arrive at my French friend's residence, which is made out of bread
0 Comments
2024/02/05 07:46 UTC
258
MRW I hate roller coasters but my friend convinces me to go on the biggest one
6 Comments
2024/02/05 00:07 UTC
77
MRW I’m the lead singer of My Chemical Romance and someone asks me how I’m doing
2 Comments
2024/02/01 17:18 UTC
164
MRW I’m the CEO of Lego and we need to make more money
1 Comment
2024/01/30 09:32 UTC
45
MRW I'm investigating a serial killer and the chief wants to know what forensics found out about the shitty underwear left at the scene of each crime.
0 Comments
2024/01/26 15:23 UTC
3
MRW a 1/10 is trying to leave the bar with my blacked out friend and I’m desperately trying to entice them to stay with more drinks
0 Comments
2024/01/25 22:27 UTC
57
MRW I call my grandma who's hard of hearing to tell her I got a part in a new Bible movie and she asks who I'm playing
3 Comments
2024/01/25 21:05 UTC
146
MRW I'm infected by an Alien chestburster but am surprisingly OK with it
9 Comments
2024/01/25 17:05 UTC
78
MRW I'm the living embodiment of climate change
3 Comments
2024/01/24 20:53 UTC
227
MRW I'm a dentist and my patient tells me that one of their teeth hurt