As we all strive to create nurturing environments for our kids that honor our unique family dynamics, finding the right nanny can be a pivotal step. I'm curious about everyone's experiences and strategies in finding childcare that isn't just tolerant but enthusiastically supportive of queer family structures.

When you're interviewing potential nannies, what specific questions do you ask to gauge their understanding and support of your family's values? Are there particular qualities or red flags you look out for? How do you ensure that they will actively contribute to an environment that affirms your family's identity?

From my experience, establishing a clear, upfront discussion about our family’s values has been crucial. It helps set the tone and ensures alignment right from the start.

I recently published this post, but I would love to gather and share a collection of practices that could help others in our community navigate this challenge. Your insights are invaluable, and together, we can help each other foster more inclusive and understanding spaces for our children and families.

I was wondering if anyone knew of any baby/kid/picture books that had queer representation, but weren't called, like, "Pride Lions" or "Pride is Cool" or you get it! I want to tell more stories than just pride-centered stories, and I want my child to not feel like queer identities are token-ized.

I hope this doesn't insult anyone; not my intention. I just want some of our books to be about, say, a lost cat, but the kid's parents are drawn as same-sex or something like that! As a disabled person, also, I love to see books where there are disabled people but the book isn't all about the fact that there's a disabled person living their life!

My spouse and I are parents to an awesome 18 month old. We assigned her a sex at birth (female) and use she/her pronouns for her, but otherwise we haven’t talked much about gender or gender roles. For example, we talk about her body parts openly and with accurate language by saying things like “this is your vulva” but so far haven’t added the “…and you have a vulva because you are female” or “…because you are a girl” ending that I heard incessantly as a kid. We also have a male doll and have told her that doll has a penis and that some people have penises and some people have vulvas.

I remember being told constantly about gender and gender roles as a kid and so far have tried not to duplicate that with our kid. Like, I was told stuff like “those are boys clothes,” or “look at that lady with the cute dog,” or “women are usually shorter than men” constantly. I don’t want to inundate my kid with that stuff but I also wonder if it’ll be jarring to go out in the world and start hearing that stuff without context. I could say things like “some people think dresses are only for girls but in our family you can choose to wear whatever makes you comfortable as long as it’s warm enough” sometimes.

How are other folks approaching gender and gender role conversations?

My wife and I had a beautiful baby boy last January. We love him to bits, but I’m struggling to find some resources for raising boys.

If we had a daughter, I would want to make sure we foster her self esteem and confidence. A quick google search shows me there are tons of resources for this including female empowerment camps and other activities.

For my son, our goal is to raise him to be confident in himself but without toxic masculinity based on violence or surpressing his emotions. As well as acknowledging his privilege in society and how to wield it for good. No “boys will be boys” bull. This…is MUCH harder to find resources for. The closest thing I found was some young men’s group but they had a closed door policy of “anything talked about or shared stays in the group” which gave me the ick.

To any others raising boys out there, if you can recommend any books, camps, programs, etc I’d appreciate it!

Hi,

Considering the move to be closer to family. My mom lives in Decatur and my sister in Peachtree Hills. Interested to hear from Queer parents. Where do you guys live, and do you have a nice relationship with your neighbors? What are schools like? Partner and I are trying to have a kid currently so that's also an interest.

Hello! I’m a 38 year old current coparent of a 2 year old and we live in San Francisco Bay Area. We’re open to staying here or moving to Austin (those are the areas his father is willing to live). Despite it not working out romantically with his dad, I’d like my son to have a sibling. I am seeking to platonic coparent with 1+ people of any gender, race, and sexual orientation. I’ve also thought of adopting, but think I’d like one more chance at experiencing pregnancy. I would love to live together at least for the first few years to help support one another and baby. I’m tall, athletic, value kindness, science, community, and instilling a sense of curiosity, independence, and responsibility in my child. I am looking for someone with similar values. Please reach out if this interests you!

Question for folks who menstruated while your partner was pregnant - do you think it affected your cycle? Or if there are any studies on it. I noticed a difference in mood and frequency and wondering if it is a thing. Yes I am going to the doctor to make sure nothing else is going on just in case.

Any advice on how to find friends who are also parents, and also queer. I work from home, and I’m quite introverted and find it hard to strike up conversation (am also neuro-divergent). We have one kiddo - they are 9. We would love to be more social with people who also have kids, and are part of the community. But we are not even sure where to start to find queer friends where we live. Any suggestions on where to go, or what to try?

Hello everyone,

First of all, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place, but I'm actually seeking help from those experienced in this matter.

I am a gay person. I thought I could help someone looking for a sperm donor. This way, I can support a member of our queer community who wants to have a child. However, I don't know how to take the necessary steps for this. Every time I search online, I always come across organizations like "adoption agencies", which are paid and quite expensive. I want to support my community for free.

What do you think is the best way to do this? How should I proceed?

Thank you. 🌈

Hello! My wife and I are in the process of searching for a sperm donor. My wife is Costa Rican and we would really love to find a sperm donor who shares her heritage. We are willing to travel to Costa Rica (as we do often) and/or fly the donor to the US. My wife has light/medium brown complexion and dark brown hair. AI only. Please share any leads! Feel free to dm me. Thank you for your help 💖

Hi, me and my partner are a gay couple from Italy, that unfortunately doesn't offer adoption to lgbt couples. I wanted to get some information about adopting in Europe but I can't find any agencies. If you or someone you know has done the process and could help me I would really appreciated

This research study titled ‘Parenting Experiences in the LGBTQ+ Community’ is to better understand parenting experiences of parents who self-identify as LGBTQ+. Eligibility requirements: you identify at LGBTQ+, you are parent, and you have at least one child who lives at home four or more days a week. In this survey you will be asked various questions regarding your parenting experiences, experiences in the LGBTQ+ community, experience with social supports, and your personality. This study will take approximately 30 minutes to complete.

All data will be kept anonymous and no identifying information will be collected. Data will be kept on a password protected computer. Participation is voluntary, you are not required to answer any question and you may stop participation at any time. No form of compensation is being offered for completing this study.

I thank you in advance for participating in this study!

Please follow the link below if you are interested in participating:

https://bsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0Pc67nWx0MHOipM

If you are not eligible feel free to share on your own social media to reach more parents who are eligible!

If you have questions or concerns, please contact the following:

Principal Investigator: Dr. Katie Lawson

Email: kmlawson4@bsu.edu

Co-Investigator: Joycelyn VanAntwerp

Email: joycelyn.vanantwerp@bsu.edu

IRB Number: 1915169-1

This recent supreme court decision has me very worried, as my wife and I just decided to pursue a family. Older queer families, what was it like starting a family before a lot of our modern protections? What hoops did you have to go through? I know people like me have had families before but it'd be nice to hear from them.

Resilience in Rainbow Families

📷

My name is Mark and I am completing my Masters of Psychology Research

We are conducting a research study about the experience of being a parent or child of a rainbow family. If you lived/live in a family with a same sex partner, or have same sex parents and have experienced stigma, we’d like to invite you to participate in a one-time interview, lasting about 30-40 minutes.

We are offering two FREE movie tickets to anyone who completes an interview

We will conduct the interviews remotely using Zoom or a similar program.

If you are interested, we’d like to hear from you! Please follow this link for more information and to provide your contact details:

https://vuau.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3xfJxOXAU3wvBIy

I'm having a hard time being brief here, sorry.

I (FtNB, pronoun indifferent) and my husband (cis M, he/him) are in the process of adopting a son (11 FtM, he/him). We'll call the boy H for convenience. He hasn't yet been "placed" with us, that is going to happen in about a week. Right now he's splitting his time between our home and his foster family.

H has a lot of trauma from past mother figures. Not so much abuse but neglect, abandonment and erratic behavior. As a result, he has problems bonding with mother figures.

H has been calling us mom and dad since the first overnight, which melts our hearts every time. But his social worker suggested it might help us bond if H and I came up with a different parental nickname for him to call me. It might help him to not see me as a "mother figure" and see that I'm trans too. (I think I'm the first Enby he's met, and I don't look very andro.)

However, if I don't have any ideas going into this discussion, it's going to go nowhere. (My Harvest Moon save now has a cow named "Whatever" because I asked him for help.) It never occurred to me before the social worker mentioned it. In general I don't care how people see me, so I'm not used to thinking about it. Does anyone have ideas for gender neutral alternatives to mom, mommy, momma, dad, pop, ect?

I really tried to be brief. My apologies.

I think I said it all in the title - but help finding where to search is much appreciated as well! :)

We used the sperm donor for both our babies. I carried our children

We are active in a large group of families who used sperm donors to conceive their children

Someone in the group has suggested we share donor information with each other incase any of us used the same donor and it would open up half brothers and sisters for our children

I think it is an amazing idea and opportunity for us and our children. We struggle socially as we don't know many other parents so to me it would create a potential bond and open up possibilities for our kids

My partner has said no to the idea and that she doesn't know if she'll ever be ready to explore this. She said she is concerned that I and our kids will have a bond with these other families that she won't share

I told her she is potentially holding information back from our kids and missing an opportunity to open up our family, but she says I don't understand how she feels.

To me she is stopping our kids from having something potentially because of her own insecurities

What am I missing here?

Hello wonderful people, and happy Mother's Day to all you mothers!

I kind of have a complicated family tree, so bear with me.

I (31 cis-ish female bisexual) have a 13 year old, straight cis son. My stepchild (11, afab) is a genderqueer pansexual, and my partner of 10 years (31 amab trans lesbian) is recently out to all of us. My son's biological father that he is super close with is also an openly bisexual man, who has had male partners in the past.

My son has known I identify as bisexual for a long time. First reasonable opportunity I had, I told him, because I think knowledge of LGBTQ+ people is important. Over the years we've had plenty of discussions about it, and with my partner's recent disclosure about being transgender, my stepchild discovering/exploring their gender identity, and my son entering puberty, those discussions have become more common.

My son is sure he's straight and cis, and I have no reason to doubt him. But it kind of has put him in a position where he is 'different' in some way than the rest of us. I think I'm probably overthinking it, but should I give him reassurance that he's totally fine and normal?

Also, I feel like he and my stepchild are now in a position where they may have to 'explain' us, and our family dynamic. How do I prepare them for that?

I think our family is super special and amazing. But I can't deny that things have recently changed for all of us. They may encounter people in their life who have 'opinions' about us now. I want to help them deal with that, especially, or even like, a worst case scenario (violence, hate speech). Any resources on how to prepare kids, or talk to them about this stuff would be amazing. I would say my kids are advanced intermediates on the subject and very mature. We have no taboos in that regard and believe in giving frank information on every topic.

Any other further advice and anecdotes would be amazing too. Tell me about your rainbow family! I love stories. Any special challenges you've found?

Much love to all <3

We live in CA , families East Coast. We are me (mtf ) and cis husband with toddler. So if I’m on a plan to Boston and it lands for repairs in Texas if someone “clocks” me , I can be rounded up to a camp and our child put in foster care? This really looks to be a very possible future. We will have to start traveling through Canada! Anyone else looking towards this horrendous future?

So background: I was in a roughly on and off 4 year relationship with my ex girlfriend. We started dating when I was 20, and became engaged that same year. When I was 21 we moved in together, and she ended up breaking up with me for the first time a little over a year later. All the while the relationship itself was very tumultuous due to issues on both ends. So I move back with my parents, and we end up working it out and she ends up breaking up with me a couple more times. By the time I was 24 she had broke up with me for the very last time. It sent me down a horrible emotional spiral. I began the worst depression I’ve ever went through in my life. I found it to be my greatest loss especially due to the fact that during the last year of the relationship it was going really well. We were getting along, we weren’t fighting nearly as much as we once did and I was doing better mentally and we were even talking about our future again. The breakup came as a complete shock to me. I was disappearing from everything. I stopped showing up to family events, I wasn’t answering any calls or texts, I stopped going into work, and just stopped feeling human for a while there. I became suicidal and even attempted suicide multiple times prompting my family members to constantly monitor me. I then began going to group therapy and started attending meetings for codependency. Nonetheless I was feeling better and started feeling alive once again. I finally began to see things for what they are and because of that I was able to heal. Some time later I end up meeting a wonderful person, my current partner. I have never been romantically linked to someone who is nonbinary, and it seemed very scary to me at first since for a while I had been struggling with my own identity. I fell in love very quickly with my partner. And they did the same we want the same things, and have the same goals for our relationship and have the absolute best communication, sex, chemistry and compatibility I have ever experienced and they agree. However my parents were less than happy about my being in another relationship. I know that they were annoyed at the fact that I put them through emotional stress for a while due to my breakup and now that I feel fine I get into a relationship. Also my partner and I have been together for two months and even though we’re in love I know that I’m also not liked by their mother. Truthfully their mother intimidates me profusely. One day their mom came home and heard us having sex and I know that deeply upset her. Which I understand however I feel like their mom will never like me and I honestly believe a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am not a hetero cisgender male that she would prefer her child to end up with. I know it’s very early but my partner and I looking into finding our own place and even getting married someday, not anytime soon though. But I feel a huge tidal wave of sadness when I think of how I’m not liked by their mother and keep wondering what I could do differently. I thought their mom would have been more welcoming towards me because my partner has been single for several years and this is the first time they’ve brought someone around in a long time and they are visibly happy and in love with me, however my partner has told me at one point that even though they’ve been out for years and even though they know it’s not okay and it is unfair their mom isn’t completely okay with them being with someone who is AFAB. I don’t know what to do, idk how to get their mom to like nor do I know how to get my parents to like them.

I have to avoid agencies for obvious reasons, but I don't know where to look without being afraid of being discriminated against. I also don't want people to deal with the discrimination themselves when looking for a surrogate. A lot of agencies say they're open to trans people but they might not be open to NBs or NDs or disability or relationship kinds. I would want to open that door for people who have been closed out for this reason.

Please message me if you'd like to know more!

First, why is this so difficult? I keep finding myself questioning my motives, "Do you actually feel this way or is this your conservative upbringing?" It was so much easier living in ignorance, "Girls can stay the night with girls but NEVER boys" but now I know life isn't so black and white.

My teen has questioned their orientation for some time now and when they first came out to me as a lesbian I was happy and supportive. But I struggled back and forth if sleepovers were okay. (At this time they were still pretty young so I basically didn't allow sleep overs but never made it a rule)

Much later they changed and said they never liked girls they were just curious 100% into boys now. Okay that's fine. However now I need to make sure they don't get pregnant. So birth control, open communication access to condoms etc. (Sleepovers now okay)

Much later they came out to me as trans. And said he may be asexual. Then later again said "gay" meaning attracted to cis males (I had to ask with all the back and forth from this kid I literally asked if he liked D it's not my proudest parenting moment but I had to)

Recently I have been allowing sleep overs with biological born females but I feel like actual trash having to ask if they are because it's not my business but I also feel like I'm "protecting" my child??. So this uncomfortable feeling had brought me to the decision no sleep overs. When I told him this he was understandably upset since we have been allowing it. Then he drops that he has a girlfriend.... "But.... You said..." "I know mom, I think I'm pan" so this further makes me want to say no sleepovers.

But then I think why? What am I "protecting" him from? Sex or teen pregnancy? And if it's the first trying to prevent it will cause it right?? I mean I was never allowed to have sleepovers and I got pregnant at 15. The difference, for sure, is my mother never talked to me about sex and I have no problem talking to him honestly and blunt about anything. And he knows he can count on me for anything.

I had a very conservative upbringing. I mean my deconstruction from Christianity only happened 7 years ago. So I never know if I feel this way because of my past programming or if it's what I actually believe in. I've never known or seen any queer homes and what rules look like.

Honestly it creeps me out having to ask what type of womblands a kid has so any advice will help. What are your house rules and why?

The most I've found is a video singing "One, Two, Buckle My Shoe" and when they get to Maids a Courting they're looking into each other's eyes, holding hands, and there's a big heart behind them (honestly it's adorable, I ship them, them you can expect a ten chapter AO3 domestic fic later this year from me). Anyway, it's less than three seconds. Wondering if anyone's found anything more overt?