I'm not sure if my question is appropriate for this group so please redirect me and/or I'll delete the post.

My situation/context: I'm a trans man (41yo) who has gone through cryopreservation (egg freezing) when I was 31 yo (used all my savings to do this), hoping that i would give myself options later in my 30s (fyi: never interested in carrying a baby myself). I've always dreamed of having biologically linked kid(s) with a partner who would carry a baby (hers and/or mine). But I'm currently single and finding a partner rn isn't within my control, lol. And a professional surrogacy service is not a financially viable option for me.

Question: A friend of mine who works in the fertility world shared that there are women out there that love/enjoy the experience of carrying a baby and giving birth and that sometimes, if you ask around your community you might find someone (of course you'd pay for all their health care related costs if they volunteered to carry your baby). This might be a very far stretch of an ask but I was wondering if there are women out there in the QT community that would be open to talking about this as an option? OR maybe a group of QT ppl creating a family in a creative way. I'd be more than happy to hear suggestions and share more context! (Also, I'm open to DM, if you want to keep it more private)

Thank you for reading this far!

Is the discord still active and could someone share a link? The links I’ve found are expired. Thanks!

Does anyone have any recommendations for parenting books specifically for same sex parents? Not a parent yet but have been thinking a lot about the possibility of starting a family one day with my partner (both of us are women). Thank you.

Hi everyone I’m new to the group but I needed to look for some kind of advice me and my partner are looking for a sperm donor we did find someone that is all on board and I think we found our donor but in this process I don’t know how to go about the contract part. Any advice on that? Like everyone knows the donor does not want any parts of the child or children and we all agreed we are fine with that. But we don’t know how to go about getting it on paper do I just type it myself and he signs it stating he wants no legal right or anything with said kids that he just a donor. Or do I kind some kind of parental templates…before we get pregnant we want to be sure absolutely all the steps are in order so we aren’t running around to crazy lol any advice would be great I have yet to get much advice so anything would help.

For any current or expecting parents, guardians, or others playing a significant role in a young person’s life - if you are nonbinary, genderqueer, gender-questioning or gender-non-conforming, feel free to come check out r/nonbinary_parents!

You can also drop by if you’re not a parent but have questions. ☺️

See you there!

I want to buy some picture books for my siblings that are under 10. Books about self identity is what I’m searching for mainly.

Any recommendations would be great however! If there are any books with (East/Southeast) Asian main characters, that would be even better :)

We found out our baby's sex, but we're not sharing it with friends/families before birth in hopes of more gender neutral clothing. Unfortunately, we both work, so our kid will have to go to daycare, where caregivers won't have the same attitudes as us about gender. I'm curious about what other's experiences have been, what pronouns you used for your baby over time, how your overall experience has been. Thanks in advance!

Just looking for a safe place to get this off my chest. My wife (35f) and I (41f) have two incredible boys (2 & 3mths). My wife carried both children and they were conceived through sperm donation via a sperm bank. These boys are my entire world, my reason for living, they are the best part of my days! There is no doubt in my mind that they are my sons and I am their Mom.

I bought my wife one of those DNA kits for her birthday. She was excited to see her family tree and all that other fun stuff. She just got the info back and it is really neat to see but when I was looking at it, I instantly got emotional and sad. I recognize that if my children ever do one of these types of tests, I will not be there. They have zero biological link to me, and it just hit me hard seeing the data. That their great grandkids will probably have zero idea I ever existed. Their family tree will be so diverse and extensive but I will not be included.

I accept that they are not genetically mine and that it does not one bit affect our day to day. They are mine in every other way, I just felt something I hadn’t considered and it truly made me sad. Thanks for reading.

Question to queer families: anyone gotten together after kids were already born? I'm a lesbian SMBC. My daughter is in preschool. I am dipping my toes into the dating pool but something one of my matches said got me thinking. She said she didn't mind that I am a parent as long as she doesn't have to interact with ('babysit') my kid. Not going further with that one but mulling over what she said.

While I 100% agree that a prospective partner shouldn't be looked at as childcare, that the first priority is seeing if we like each other and work as a couple, ultimately I want to meet someone who loves my child as much (or nearly) as I do. Is that an unrealistic goal? To be clear, my daughter is donor conceived. There hasn't been any other parental figure than me. But if we didn't go through all the conception and early years stuff together, would any partner feel like a step-parent or not a parent at all, no matter how serious we got? Appreciate your thoughts and experiences!

Hi everyone! I’m a transman looking to buy my first binder, and I’m looking for recommendations. I’m looking for one that is cost-friendly, comfortable, and long-lasting. I’m 5’5” and weigh about 200 pounds, with a larger chest and stomach

Hi! My wife and I (f/f) just had our first baby 6 months ago and we are looking to make new friends with babies around the same age. We are located in the San Antonio area.

If you used a known gamete donor (sperm or egg) for your family building and the donor is known but not in a parental role, how have you navigated interactions or relationships with the donor's family (their parents, siblings, or the donor's children)? What challenges and surprises have come up over time with this?

Hi guys I’m quite new to this subreddit. I’m a 27 year lesbian woman living in France with my 31 year old girlfriend .

It’s always been a life goal for me to have and raise own biological kids though it would be difficult in a lesbian relationship because I would feel good for my partner now because we really do want to rise kids together with their fathers in it. So I have decided that co-parenting with a likeminded gay man or couple would be most ideal. I was wondering if there are any sites or popular methods where people like me and likeminded people from the opposite sex can meet for this purpose, your response is much appreciated. 😅 Thanks!

I'm hoping to get advice from some parents out there who were some kind of bra/binder/undergarment on their chest or torso for comfort/identity in their home. We're expecting our first little one, and I've read how important skin to skin time is for bonding. However, I'm really struggling with how to facilitate this. I'm chesty, and wear exclusively sports bras or binders. I'm having a hard time picturing how this time looks for me, as I generally hate having any part of my chest exposed. Is anyone willing to share what they did?

Hello. I’m a non-binary AFAB mother of two young boys (a two year old and a two month old). I thought I was doing really well emotionally after our second was born, but something happened that has surprisingly messed me up.

Some context: even though I know gender is wibbly-wobbly, I was surprised by how sad I was when I found out our second (and definitely last) child was going to be another boy. I find it hard to put into words, but I had a cry about it while I was pregnant, then got over it. I’ve been able to focus on how lucky we are to have two sweet, healthy boys, and it hasn’t bothered me since. Another small bit of context is that a few weeks ago, our toddler asked me if I was a girl and I said yes, close enough. Because it is close enough and he’s two, so nuance isn’t his strong suit.

Then last night my husband and our toddler were playing cubby and my husband jokingly looked over at me and said ‘no girls allowed’. Now to be clear, he is super supportive of my identity and obviously only meant it as a joke. But our toddler was in a silly mood and came over yelling at me ‘no girls allowed’ over and over. And I almost burst into tears on the spot.

My husband tried to backpedal, but we also didn’t want to give the behaviour too much attention, so eventually just let him get bored of it and started getting ready for bed.

I feel so stupid, but all my sadness about not having a daughter bubbled up, alongside anxiety about raising boys who are kind. I’m at home today with our newborn and I keep crying about it. I don’t really know what I’m looking for by making this post. Any words of wisdom?

Last Name for 3rd Child

My partner and I plan on having a 3rd child together and we haven’t mutually decided on a last name.

My partner still has their former partner’s last name and haven’t decided if they want to keep it; I also have my former partner’s last name. I have 2 children with my former partner and they share the same last name as I do. I kept my last name only to have a connection to the kids.

My partner and I are both a queer couple. We have decided that they will carry since I carried 3 babies (2 that are biologically mine, 1 that was carried via surrogacy for another family.) They also want to experience pregnancy.

The sperm donor will be of the same heritage as me to share something in common with the other 2 children. I’ve suggested that the 3rd have a hygenated last name to have both of our last names. They’re not fond of hygenated names. Any suggestions?

Note, we’ve decided on a first name and middle name. The middle name is a family name from their family.

I’m fairly new to Reddit, joined a few months ago when I was diagnosed with chronic illnesses that impact my fertility and mostly just trying to learn from others with similar experiences. I was actually glad to see there are adoption and egg/sperm/embryo donation-focused subs that prioritize adoptee and donor-conceived people’s experiences and are critical of the racist and classist systems that often exploit birth parents and donors. But wow, I was not expecting the way that that so frequently veers into condemnations of essentially anything but a one mom-one dad nuclear cishet bio family. It strikes me now that many of these critiques aren’t coming from a radical leftist perspective but a reactionary, traditionalist one. I haven’t encountered this on other social media sites when the topics of adoption, gamete donation or blended families arises, so I’m just curious if anyone has a sense of why that’s so common here? And are there less reactionary places where I can go to read the experiences of adoptees and donor conceived people that don’t condemn queer families like the one I was raised in (still personally undecided about my own reproductive options)? Thanks

I was just reading a thread in another sub about a 5yo girl wanting to know how babies are made and her dad being squeamish about explaining sex to his daughter. It occurred to me that I don’t really have that conundrum, since actually no sex was needed to make our IUI-conceived daughter. Obviously this is not the case for most children haha. So I’m just kind of curious how other queer couples explain this stuff to your kids. Do you tell them your conception story first and then add on that other babies are made differently? (For those of you who used ART- of course some queer couples DO make babies with sex!)

Does anyone know any adoption agencies that allow to adopt a newborn at 21 years of age?

Hello! Question for those of you who have kids with a partner, how has having the same or different last names as your kids been for you? Has it really mattered at all either way?

I'm looking at eventually changing my last name to my partner's so that our future kids can have the same last name as both of us and was curious about what other folks have done. I'm estranged from my father and have no interest in passing the last name I got from him. Most queer people I know so far have kept their own last names (or plan to), but we're only just starting to see people think about or try to have kids so the kids-last-name thing hasn't really come up yet in our circles.

Give me your best shot. 👏🏽

Hi! My wife (26F) and I (25F) just had a baby 26 days ago. I was the one that carried and gave birth. My wife has been having a really hard time because she can’t seem to calm baby down when she’s having trouble. She does diaper changes, helps feed me and get me water while nursing, she spends quality time with her in the mornings so I can sleep after feeding. She feels like a bad mom and also feels like the baby doesn’t love her. I try to reassure her and just let her know that the baby grew inside of me so I’m her comfort right now. I guess I’m just asking for advice on how to make her feel better? She’s been such a big help since the baby has been born. She’s just really depressed that she can’t calm baby. I’ve tried to get them to snuggle a lot (especially when I get her to sleep) but she’s just heartbroken. She’s doing so great. I feel bad that baby calms down instantly with me but I’m all she’s known.

Anyone have any experience with this?

Hey all,this will seem very tame however I need a space to be heard.

I wrote a song about an old/long ago ex as I saw a new picture of them and though wow you look good/nice glow up in soberity.

Situation is I’m happily married to my person who was my one that got away 15 years ago.

We are settled,have a good life,paying jobs and a small but wonderful family around us. (For context we are two genderqueer afab folxs so in my country our marriage is a same same one however we don’t use gendered terms for each other)

The song has no yearning etc for the ex it was just wow dam good glow up.

I feel guilty about writing a song about someone in my past that is now so neutral that we bought wedding stuff off for our wedding day (small event done cheaply as weddings are expensive)

Why do I feel so guilty about writing this song and like I’ve betrayed my sunray of my very loved spouse.

I have never and will never cheat on my partner so why the huge feelings of guilt.

Thanks for reading,I’m on mobile so sorry if formatting is sus.

TLDR-wrote a song about an old ex and there glow up with no emotion/attraction yet I feel so guilty.

As an adult now, I realize how I have unique memories because my dad is gay. For example, we would get flyers for local gay bars in our mail. As a child, that was normal to me, I figured everyone got those in their mail. Another example is that my dad and I would frequently get breakfast or dinner with his friends ( I was the only kid there). Lastly, we frequently attended our local pride family day and it became a yearly tradition. Again, this is what I saw as normal. After I moved away for college, I saw how others lived. I was wondering if anyone else has "unique" memories from their childhood because their parents are LGBTQIA+.

My wife and I have a one-year-old son. He has been going to the same daycare since he was 3 months old. We like it there and have never felt any weird vibes from any of the staff. Our son seems to enjoy his time there as well and is very comfortable with both of his teachers.

Today I sent him to school in a t-shirt that says "I ❤️ my queer family." When we went to pick him up, someone was standing in the doorway to the classroom so we were hanging back in the hallway. One of his teachers was talking to the person in the hallway and said "do you see his shirt? Do you see what it says?" and then in a kind of hushed tone she said "I heart my queer family" and laughed. To be fair, it didn't sound particularly derisive - it just sounded like she was genuinely amused by it. That's when the person in the doorway realized we were there and moved to let us come into the room. The teacher poked her head into the hallway and when she saw that it was us, she looked like she was going to swallow her tongue. I saw the blood drain out of her face. We gave no indication that we heard anything and just acted like everything was normal. Chatted about our son's day, wished her a good weekend, and left.

I honestly don't even know what to make of it. She has been very friendly to us. She once asked me how my wife and I refer to ourselves with our son so that she could use the right names with him when referring to us, which I thought was really thoughtful and kind. Maybe she really thought it was supposed to be a funny shirt? Or that it was funny to put on a toddler? I don't know. I know it's relatively mild. I just feel hurt. Like beyond the possible homophobia, don't laugh at my baby?? It's just bringing up a lot of feelings of shame and anxiety about the ridicule he will experience throughout his life because he has two moms. It just stings.

I'm not sure if we're going to say anything or not. Going to let it marinate over the weekend. I'm just feeling so sad.

Hi, everyone!

My wife and I are looking to start our conception journey. For context, I’m white and my wife is half Korean. I’ll be carrying, and we want a Korean sperm donor so that my wife can share her ethnicity with our child.

I started doing a bit of research, and I’m beginning to get concerned because of the horror stories I’ve read about sperm banks and giant sibling groups, so we’re hoping to use the most ethical sperm bank possible. But, we also need a Korean sperm donor, and it looks like those are kind of a rarity, unfortunately.

Does anyone have any recommendations for sperm banks that are ethical but also racially diverse?

Thanks in advance!

Has anyone heard of a way to donate unused purchased sperm? Before you purchase sperm our fertility clinic makes us select whether we want to destroy whatever is unused or designate someone else to recieve it.

Sperm is so expensive and it doesn't sit right with me that wonderful future parents who happen to be in worse financial circumstances than our family are struggling to afford something that we may ultimately be (proverbially) flushing down the toilet.

What’s the best way to look for an egg donor?

We are a lesbian couple who conceived a child through rIVF with known donor sperm.

Our son is only 5 months old. This will be our first Father’s Day and I’m just anxious for all the awkwardness regarding the known donor - how to celebrate the holiday or just bypass it all together.

As for the known donor, do I ignore him? Say anything about Father’s Day at all - he doesn’t have any rights (we have a donor contract) but I wonder what other couples did or continue to do on Father’s Day. Right now, our son is young and it doesn’t matter but it got me thinking about when he is older. He has a lot of male role models but the known donor isn’t super involved. I don’t want to push him away by not mentioning Father’s Day or saying something.