I’ve gotten used to being on my own
Wasn’t it how it started anyway?
The corner you loved? Still there.
That book you never finished?
Right where you left it.

I’ve learned to enjoy the silence,
When friends are happy, so am I.
Fireworks light the sky on New Year’s Eve,
And I think of how we laughed back then.

I’ve walked roads I thought would never end,
Crossed seas just to meet you.
And yeah, in my worst nights,
You helped me through.

But time moves on. People come, people go.
You didn’t have to explain, I got it.
Thank you for letting me
Be part of your world for a while.

A star fell into my garden once,
And I didn’t know what to do.
But now I see The star don’t belong here.
They light up, they leave, and that’s okay.

So, I keep moving forward.
Fireworks fade, rainbows dissolve,
But the colors still stay with me.
And now, You’re a part of my sky,
Not my garden anymore.

slow in the head

you are slow poke

I don’t even want to poke you anyways

you miserable

like ew yuck

nope

you say it was all my fault. little do you know how much that breaks me inside and will keep repeating until I’ve cried an ocean, that still won’t be enough. it hurts how little you care and don’t acknowledge how my brain works, how different we truly are. you don’t see how depression will rule my brain and twist scenarios into the cruelest outcomes. then saying I could’ve changed it but thanks to how I exist, just existing makes me a burden to everyone. then there’s anxiety, that will haunt me with what if’s and create storms of worry. you think I can control it but frankly I’m surprised I’ve survived this long.

you think I’m acting like a teenager, who still has phases of moody, stropy but some of the things you do without thinking of others, make me so mad. I’m left wondering did you even know? how much I’m suffering? or are you falling for my fake smile? I just need a warm hug to tell me everything’s gonna be okay and I did all I could. do you remember when I cried because the doctor just confirmed to you my diagnosis of depression? and I was finally making sense for the way my brain works, I thought it’d all get easier after that, and I wasn’t going mad. all this time, I felt like a bruise that wouldn’t fade, marked by brutal force, stuck in the same place that has too many sad memories of those now passed. I still miss them so.

mark my words, I’m either fighting hard or holding on by an invisible string. I just need something stronger to keep me steady, stop the tears from falling, stop the rosiness around my eyes, that show I’m breaking inside. someone to tell me “it’s gonna be okay, you can do it.” ‘cause I almost know I can’t. the blame is killing me inside. but he was already a goner before I could save him. I need to stop blaming myself.

“Are you laughing? Are you crying?”
Two sides of a coin.
At the bottom of a klein bottle
I might find which side feels right.

Too afraid to walk like you, to speak like you, to be, like you.

Afraid of rejection— from both sides, from everyone, from all. From myself.

I will try, again and again, for the next ten years, pushed by a need for freedom, pulled back by a weight of fear.

It’s all fear. That’s what it comes down to.

I fear losing those I love, I fear losing him. I fear happiness. But more than that, I fear never knowing what happiness is.

A word to me that makes me happy, a real moment of genuinity, something to my face that isn’t a look of disgrace, my heart can’t take the words that I chase, your opinion of me I can guarantee is the only one that matters to me, pretty lips that say things to match, words that pierce straight through my heart like cupids arrow, you the girl I adore, you are my hero.

Lately I been battling demons. Do I stay and fight? Do I run and hide?

They keep telling me it's seasons. Maybe are they right? What I feel inside?

Maybe I'm caught in the middle - Of something more serious, Something more devious

I can't hear a voice of reason. Maybe I make a lession - On my body it's treason

I sit and ponder, Wonder over yonder, Squandered my life, Swallowed my pride. How many nights I've cried?

Too many to count. Head on her shoulder, Let me let it all out.

Comfort. She is to me. Humble. I feel in me. Lumber. To support my beam. She is. Everything I need.

Vent. To let out steam. Beautiful. She's what I dream. Smiles. She makes me gleam. With her. Hope will reign supreme. Letting my mind be free.

I've been browsing here and there. Sometimes I zone out and just stare. The glowing screen flicker as I try to craft the perfect posts. There are days that I wonder if my Instagram is a ghost. No online presence, just weak engagement.

I am now eyeing on PathSocial. I've checked the reviews, there's no doubt its magic is undeniable. But questions in my mind run through. Looks like the winds of fate is driving me towards.. Who?

Un éclair… puis la nuit! — Fugitive beauté
Dont le regard m’a fait soudainement renaître,
Ne te verrai-je plus que dans l’éternité?
Ailleurs, bien loin d’ici! trop tard! jamais peut-être!
Car j’ignore où tu fuis, tu ne sais où je vais,
Ô toi que j’eusse aimée, ô toi qui le savais!

Nuit de juin ! Dix-sept ans ! – On se laisse griser.
La sève est du champagne et vous monte à la tête…
On divague ; on se sent aux lèvres un baiser
Qui palpite là, comme une petite bête….

I met you on a dark winter night
Like a shadow, you gave me such a fright
Your touch was cold, but I held you tight
Foolishly surprised when you picked a fight

You ghosted me, but your ghost remained
Like a vampire, you left my spirit drained
My mind was darkened and my soul stained
On my dread, your shade sustained

Your icy grip for years left its mark
But I found a light like a flickering spark
Into the dawn I began to embark
And found you were only a fear in the dark

doctors say its just a delusion but he has already came to the conclusion he confronts them but theyll always talk with confusion he always begs and asks for what reason what cause they just say its an illusion he'll still ask whats the purpose but they'll still watch from outside his room to make him nervous he is getting stronger and know hes not worthless but when he was younger they left him with horror he never stopped peeking around every corner he'll never feel anything but alone he said to himself im not even grown

Kris When I first met you I felt this amazing bliss your sparking personality shined though and there was nothing I could see a miss We shared late night chats and video calls a plenty and I know that’s when you stole my heart completely then you went away to Canada and I remeber seeing your name and when I did I’d get excited and I’d exclaim I only wanted your banter and your loving gaze then you asked to go for sushi and I remember been so scared like why would he want to take me anywhere? I couldn’t believe my luck But everyone was telling me to go for it and I thought why not he’s a lovely man seems to have a good stance and he makes me laugh with no pretence we clicked instanly over the tunes of the streets his new song do you remember i had it on repeat you made me so fucking happy in those dark days know one really new what was going on with me and I was pretending to be ok but when I talked to you on Tik tok I felt like a different person I could take all the bad away from me me and only show that to who cares I just want you to remember how rare this is to share meeting someone so naturally just for it to be just thrown away with out even a real conversation it needs to happen with out feelings getting heated and flared to put aside this side of us and just to talk and lay bare I know you don’t mean to do this to me but I can’t say it doesn’t hurt I wanna be persistent but I don’t want to scare and I don’t want you to think I don’t Fucking care I care so much this is me been real and I don’t think I can let go of you it’s out of my pleas fate has brought us here to where we stand the universe is still testing us and we need to be stronger these next few months are going to tear us beyond but we are stronger in contact than this silent sound please just get here and don’t delay if you don’t arrive I will be at yours because this can’t wait you shared a video to tiktok after our last break and it explained a lot and I think it’s how I have to behave you don’t mean what you say your trying to protect yourself I should never had said those phrases but I was backed in to a corner you threaten to message J I didn’t know what else to say other than what burst out your not a silly boy that’s as far from the truth please accept my apology I am Sorry I can’t even eat I feel utterly sick at what I’ve said please here me if you continue to silent treatment me it’s going to cause it to be a messy ending when it doesn’t have to be this way we could be civil and you could Treat me like I have value and just in a decent way that’s all I’m asking to be treated like a human a human that loves you dearly and understands you you have morals and values and you shouldn’t treat anyone like this for more than a few hours it not necessary I understand I hurt you but you hurt me aswell

I try and sleep and there’s just words I have to say

Seeing the other side of you. The side no one else sees. For in your heart there is a secret fire a hidden longing for something more. I have warmed myself at your fires often. Where secrets are shared. And fantasies explored. How freeing it is to be trusted in these ways by another human being.

The other side of you is where I want to be. Refreshing my heart at your hidden fires.

In the stillness where the weight lingers,

a fragile light threads through,

weaving warmth from fractured spaces.

Not all healing sings loud;

some grows soft as moss,

creeping gently over stone walls,

building green from what seemed barren.

Breathe, and the world exhales with you.

She's told to stop yapping,

She's called a cunt,

I'd never guess that you're her son,

Your dad sits quiet as you throw your slurs,

Now sent my way are those hateful words,

I've begged you to stop this disrespect,

On deaf ears, my words have been left,

I learned my lesson, this just gets worse,

I will not pass on this generational curse.

-By PotentOats on Reddit.

Your beauty scares me. Facing the ugly world.

Wish I could protect. Wish I could stand in the way. Wish I could take the bullet in your stead.

Wish I could change the change from changing you. Wish I could not just pretend. Wish I could make you come back.

Wish I could save the last flashes of your lingering breath. Wish I could inhale all the smoke. Wish I could let the world burn in your stead.

Wish I could protect. Wish I could be beautiful instead.

'Cause your beauty scares me. Facing the ugly world. Wish I could be beautiful in your stead.

a day dreaming man received a striking revalation

"I can bring my friend along to this life from imagination

all I need is a pencil, and just a sheet of paper

then I'd the creator. blessed by the creator."

I was lying when I told you

That it would be okay.

You and I both know

That I can't be sure.

But I saw the pain in your eyes

The tears about to fall

The darkness setting in

I knew the lights would go out

If I didn't say something.

So I told you what you needed

To hear.

But I don't really know

If tomorrow will come at all

For you.

Smell of a ocean breeze

Wind travels through the trees

Travels to the beach

Meets me at sea

Deep dark blue

Lit by night

Standing in front of the crashing waves a frightful sight

Clouds and thunder fill the sky

Waves meet the rocks with violence

Yelling with everything

Surrounded by silence

Oh I have imprinted

The portrait of your beauty in my heart

Time the conquering feat shall not make

Oh no, the wrinkles by its hands

May tell the story of an old lady one day

But my eyes have already absorbed

The seeds of your beauty,

And they grow within my memory

To build a forest of you

Inside my imagination,

So long as I live

Time lies powerless

And after my death,

Your intact beauty dies with me

So be jealous time,

The bark of the tree,

The rock, the soil, the leaves

All spoiled are destined to be,

Not so her beauty,

There is no spoiling that which dies intact

Sadness has been with me most of my life

Loneliness accompanies it

Two old friends that never let go

I need new friends

I don't remember growing older
How did time fly by so fast
From hide and seek to chasing dreams
Who knew it wouldn't last

The seasons passed in fleeting hues
The moments all a blur
From innocence to bittersweet
As life began to stir

But I still feel like a child
Playing games and getting lost
Running barefoot through the woods
Ignoring all the costs

The years slipped by like falling leaves
Or echoes in the night
From laughing loud to silent tears
Now nothing feels quite right

I long to hold those simpler days
When time moved slow and kind
But all that's left are fragments now
Memories I can't rewind

The mirror shows a different face
The years too hard to hold
From carefree laughs to silent aches
I don't remember growing old

During a walk in the park, I stopped at our favorite bench.

The songbirds’ melodies danced between my ears, my soul clinging to each breath.

I try to remember your face,

your voice, your touch—

struggling to reminisce.

These feelings I hold onto, I need them.

I’ve tried so hard to forget.

The faces come and go—

young and old, beautiful and bold.

They struggle to erase your image,

to scrub the stains from my head.

Not a single soul replaces yours.

I’d like to try again.

The trees sway so gracefully,

reminiscent of your spirit.

The wind dances between their leaves,

its song so warm.

I wish you were here to hear it.

The bench remains, our favorite spot—

a monument of lost love.

My tears have stained the wood;

I no longer see your name.

The etchings are gone for good.

The pain stays, even on the brightest days.

I remain hooked on your promise,

misguided by the wrong kiss.

I fought for this.

The hole still vacant in my chest,

I reach inside to pull

whatever pieces of my heart I have left.

So here I am—I never left—

my tears spilling on the page.

Remember me. Speak my name.

Shout it from the mountains.

Don’t let us die in vain.

On our bench, I’ll stay everyday,

waiting for your embrace.

I won’t move—

my feet heavy, my heart worse.

I’ll wait for you, my love.

I know you know the place.

A place where my words
Will linger, unread by you.
I write them not to be seen,
But to give my love a voice
In a world where it will never speak aloud.

I know I will always stand in the background,
A friend,
A confidant,
Never the one who lights up your eyes
The way you unknowingly light up mine.

But that’s okay,
Because my love for you
Is not a need,
Not a plea to be returned.
It is simply the way I see you—
Beautiful for who you are,
Not for how you might see me.

So I will hold these feelings close,
Not as a burden,
But as a quiet celebration of you—
Your kindness,
Your laughter,
The way you make the world feel
Less lonely,
Even when you don’t realize it.

You are enough,
Always enough,
And that is why I love you.
Not to be loved in return,
But because you are you.

(Open to commentary and criticism, new to poetry)

"Shakespeare is out of fashion/ But gooning is in!/ Don't sublimate your passions ---/ Wastin' time ain't sin!"/

So say you and spend the day/ Scroll and scroll the world away/

By digital sea/ Sailors beg of thee/ "Join our cause; learn, do, and be!"/ Your mind; Nihilist's decree:/

"We all surely die/ I'm no more worthy than fly/ Your cause does not tempt/ Pleasure is all left."/

Your pleasure is a cancer/ Upon your own mind/ That neverending dancer/ Neurons and bones grind./

You look back at wasted time/ Unsure what you meant to find/ Arthritic hands curl/ 'Round the black box world./

So do you capitulate?/ Scroll and scroll the world away?/ Or fight to forge your own fate?/ Your mind in mold like red clay/

Is it your own hands that cleave?/ Or remain online - naive?

Glass pane of my specs of spectacular distortion , Losing faith on my mind like the pope torched his cross on fire, Heartbeats roll for a ritual of nervous infection , mountains of corpse scream near my peculiar ears, I channel my strength for primitive derealization, Its a war against consciousness.

• Alain Engel

giving me advice, i dont want to be where you are

got scars from actually living

know im crazy but atleast im not trapped in a life

i hate and thats the thing

yall trying to impress people you dont even like.

Time drifted past, like a hand waving from a train I wasn’t on, its motion slow yet persistent, fading into the horizon before I could reach it.

I stood there, rooted, watching the tracks stretch endlessly, as if mocking my stillness. What was I waiting for? The next train? Or perhaps, the courage to run after this one?

I watched the moments slip through my fingers like sand, and I realized — Time doesn’t pause for longing, nor does it circle back. It simply waves goodbye and vanishes into tomorrow.

She danced with the waves,
Tiny feet tracing dreams.
Her laughter soared,
While her mother stood near,
Strong and steady,
Her quiet protector.
The sun melted,
Draping them.
In that moment,
I saw my entire world—
My love, my life.