"Commitments are commitments, even if the nights are sleepless."

I’m a stranger in my own skin, Lost in dreams that weren’t mine
I can’t see myself anymore, drowning just to stay ashore
Who am I, who did I leave behind?

साँचो प्रेमलाई आज कुबेरका असर्फीले किनेछन्

मायामा डुबुल्की लगाउने आँखाले आज विश्वासघातलाई चिनेछन्

विश्वास श्यामको भन्दा भिभिसण्डको हुँदोरैछ यो कलियुगमा

प्रेम धर्मको पण्डितलाई आज मायाको रावण् भनी थुनेछन्

Pokhera Ra gahmko jhuylko timi kina aayeu hau timi kina aayauuu uuuu Taara Lai herda kina chamkiyauuuuuu kina cahmkiyauuuu Paschatappp gardai xu ajaaa sunxauki ajjha Runxu ma tei kinara ma sunxau ki Mero bajaaaaaa hauuuu bajjjaaaa Rudai timro po geet gaidiye ajjaaaa hau ajjaaaaaa

म तिमीलाई चन्द्रमा र तारा भन्दा फरक देख्छु, तिमी मेरो लागि सडकको बत्तीजस्तै छौ। अँध्यारो रातमा, एक्लो बाटोमा, तिमीले नै मेरो यात्रा सजिलै बनाउँछौ।

चन्द्रमा र तारा पर टाढा छन्, आकाशमा सधैं पाइने छैनन्। तर तिमी, त्यहीं छौ मेरो बाटोको छेउमा, म भड्किंदा पनि थामिदिने छायामा।

न तिम्रो झल्कोले संसार उज्यालो पार्छ, न त तिम्रो चमकले सबैलाई लठ्याउँछ। तर तिमीले सधैं मेरो मार्गमा उज्यालो ल्याउँछौ, शान्त र स्थिर, विश्वासको उज्यालो बाँड्छौ।

तिमी चन्द्रमा होइन, ताराजस्तो पनि होइन, तिमी त त्यो बत्ती हौ, जसले मेरो हराएको मार्ग देखाउँछ। तिम्रो सरल उज्यालोले मलाई दिशा दिन्छ, सधैं मसँगै, म ढल्दा उठाउँछ।

म एउटा बगैंचा सृजना गर्छु,
तिमी आई फुल बनी बसिदिनु,
सप्त रङ्गी इन्द्रेणी झैँ फुलि दिनु,
आफ्नो सुवास बाह्र मासै छरी रहनु,
अनि मेरो बगैंचाको शोभा बढाइ दिनु।

मल, जल गर्ने जिम्मा मेरो भयो,
तिम्रो सौन्दर्य देखेर भमरा पछी लाग्लान्,
पासो थापेर पक्रने काम मेरो भयो,
राम्रा फुल देखेर चुड्न आउने धेरै होलान्,
काँडे तार लगाएर तिनीहरूलाई छेक्ने काम मेरो भयो,
बस् तिमी आई आसन ग्रहण गरिदिनु।

सूर्यमुखी फूलले सूर्य तिर फर्के झैँ,
म तिर फर्केर मुसुक्क मुस्कान दिनु,
कुकुरले चिनेको मान्छे देख्ना साथ पुच्छर हल्लाए झैँ,
म देखेसी हावाको बेगसंगै नाचिदिनु,
पात हल्लाएर सुरिलो भाकामा गाइदिनु,
तिम्रो आभाले मलाई लट्ठ बनाई राख्नु,
अनि बस् मेरी हुनु, बस् मेरी हुनु।

Every night, a cat meows by my window, Weaving a story only it seems to know. I sit in silence, listening to its song, But the meaning slips, and I can’t follow along.

Its eyes glimmer like stars in the night, Hints of a tale, shadows of plight. What sorrow it holds, what dreams it shares, In each soft meow, a whisper of cares.

I long to understand its quiet pain, The hidden hopes it might entertain. But in its meow, a mystery stays— A friend close by, yet lost in its own ways.

How Does It Feel?

How does it feel not to be someone's first, When you've placed them high, at your best and worst? When your world slips away at the sight of their tears, But they shrug you off, confirming your fears.

How does it feel when your heart longs to hear The sound of their voice, yet you're held back by fear? The phone stays silent; you're left to recall That you're not allowed to reach out or call.

How does it feel to set pride aside, To text them endlessly, all self-respect denied? Then the emptiness hits, and you know in your soul, Your efforts were wasted, and you're left feeling cold.

How does it feel when they make you believe You're not worthy of love, like it's easy to leave? It's a hollow ache that words can't describe— A pain that you carry, buried deep inside.

How does it feel??

There’s a stranger in my skin, A shadow, thin and grim. I watch the way they talk and move, With every glance, they disapprove.

Their voice feels hollow, brittle, wrong, Like lyrics from a broken song. Every movement, out of place, Inhabiting my empty space.

They say, “You’re less, you’re nothing new.” I want to run, but they’re glued too. This stranger’s voice, it sounds like mine, Yet nothing’s there of heart or spine.

And so I walk in tired disguise, A faded face, a pair of eyes. Searching for some trace or clue Of someone whole, someone true.

I’ve always been an introvert and enjoyed spending time alone. As an aspiring musician, I used to really like my singing voice and would even listen to my recordings before bed—it was comforting for me. But recently, something’s changed. I don’t feel like singing anymore, and I can’t even bring myself to listen to my recordings. It’s weird and honestly a little unsettling. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you deal with it?

We human beings are fundamentally alone. We all are separated by bodies of flesh, blood, bone and all other vicera. We pretend we aren't. We stick to others and try to banish loneliness and even success to a degree. But in moments of quietness be it when alone murmuring to yourself of about today's happening or even in the middle of a busy crowd amidst the crowd's strange democratic shifts, one remembers himself alone. One cannot truly know the inner machinations of another how close they appear to be. I do not know what blue looks like through your eyes or the taste of coffee for you. We stick to things you know we stick to others, we stick to art, we stick to higher meaning but they all are lies. Lies meant to banish the feeling of loneliness. But all we have are lies. Lies are all we can conjure. Lies so real they replace reality. Maybe they are to us atleast. That's all it matters.

"From childhood's hour I have not been, As other were-I have not seen As others saw- I couldn't bring My passions from a common wellspring I have been entirely alone" -Edgar Allen Poe

In my heart of megabyte You are there in terabyte

Its like unavailable you occupied overpile May you have done some denial You have always there as a never-ending feelings residing and never leaving

What could i do a favour to you Favouring you is the only thing i know and i do

I can't withstand cause of your overdue Don't know kinda death feeling inside in greater dose cause of you It is the way more than results of your overdose hope you do

I wish i could rest in your arm May you could feel I'm tired restless and out of desire so damn

#bwrites4u

म अन्धकारमा रुमलिरहेको रात तिमी उज्यालो जगमगाउने चन्द्रमा

केही मेल नै छैन रैछ हामिमा छ त केबल त्यै, हामी दुइ एकै सगरमा।

#bwrites4u

म प्रेममा छु ??
छु भने किन छु ?
'छैन भने यो प्रेम नभएर के हो ?
आफुलाई मन परेको मान्छे संगै हुनु,प्रेम हो?
यदि हो भने म प्रेममा छु सायद के यो साँचै प्रेम, हो र ?
होइन भने उ म सँग हुँदा म किन खुसि हुन्छु ??
उसको उपस्थितिमा म किन रमाउँछु ?
म उ भएर खुसि भएको हो त ?
कि उसले मलाई खुसि बनाउँदै छ??
मलाइ साँच्चै प्रेम भयो त ?
यो प्रेम हो या के हो म जान्दिन.
तर. जेछ उ छ
उ बाहेक केहि छैन.
म बिहान झुल्किने घामको किरणमा उसलाई देख्छु
सरल भाषामा भन्नु पर्दा मेरो दिन उ बाट सुरु हुन्छ र अन्त्य पनि म फुलिरहेको कोपिलामा देख्छु उसलाइ
हामी सँगै फर्किन सक्छौ कि भनेर

Saw an abandoned cat near the streets covered in rashes and trashes

Saw a soul filled with bruises that were so deep couldn’t be recovered

Saw a tattered one who needed the most help but never got any

Saw a broken soul within the meows and within the mirrors

Saw it and remembered the dark past.

So with no bandages for both i got him home but now i think i am the burden for the little meow meow

Four men in uniform, they carried home my love

They carried my little soldier, his soul high above.

He had dreams, He could be a lot of things.

What a sad life he had, didn't even make it to his twenties.

I stare at his lifeless body and image what he could do.

I try to hold his hands hoping they were not blue.

He could have been a singer who sang songs of glee.

He would have been so full of happiness if he could flee.

He could have been a politician who yearns for freedom.

He could have if life hadn't held him at ransom.

He had no desire, to work as am army,to fight, to be at war.

What could he even do he had a lot of people he needed to look for.

कुनै दिन तिम्रो मेरो बाटो मिल्ने भए कुनै दिन तिमीलाई मेरो साटो मिल्ने भए

म त्यागी दिन्थे मेरो माया म त्यागिदिन्थे तिमीलाई मेरो शरीरमा रहेको थोपाथोपा रगत

यदि मेरो मायाको हारले तिमीलाई उसको हातको सिन्दुरको रातो मिल्ने भए।

तिमीसँग सुरु नै नभएको सम्बन्ध कसरी टुंग्याउने मायाको खाता कसरी सुल्याउने

डर लाग्छ तिमीलाई खोज्न पनि डर जाग्छ तिमीलाई रोज्न पनि

मिटरको सिमा नाग्छ त्यो काँटीले यदि कुनै यन्त्र छ तिमीप्रति मेरो माया तुल्याउने

न नाक न मुख न त तिम्रो अस्तित्व नै थाहा छ। तिमीसँग कल्पना गरेको मेरो एउटा बेग्लै कथा छ।

कथाको सुरुवात र अन्त्य त्यति चासो छैन। कथाको दौरान सबैबेला त्यति हाँसो छैन।

सम्बन्धमा हाँसो सँगै रोदन नि आउला कुनै दिन तिमीबाहेक मेरो दिन कसरी कट्थ्यो सबै सुनौला

कथा कहाँ पुग्छ यो त हेर्न बाँकी छ। म पर्खिदै छु, कुनै दिन तिम्रो मेरो बाटो मिल्ने भए

कुनै दिन तिमीलाई मेरो साटो मिल्ने भए म त्यागिदिन्थे मेरो माया

म त्यागिदिन्थे तिमीलाई मेरो शरीरमा रहेको थोपा थोपा रगत

यदि मेरो मायाको हारले तिमीलाई हर्ष सँगै उसको हातको सिन्दुरको रातो मिल्ने भए।

For what sin that we have done,
To be looked down upon
You sit on the chair,
While we work to feed you,
Even so ungrateful,
Yet , you eat it and spit it back

A rat race where we chase cheese
where you put traps in,
We fall for trick,
Its do or die,
We are just trying to survive,
Sit on chair while you laugh at our despair,
Inhumane being not even demon,
A self proclaimed hero who cares for only itself.

We are chained in society,
An enslaved worker,
Exploited in workplace,
Buried in stress,
They suffocate, we suffocate,
In this confined place.

We are enslaved ,
We are enslaved,
Will there be anyone
Who will librate?

Having a mental disability is akin to being confined to a wheelchair, yet the crucial difference lies in the fact that the wheelchair remains invisible to others. This invisibility often leads people to misunderstand your situation, assuming you are simply unmotivated or lazy, unaware of the profound internal battles you face on a daily basis. Just as a person in a wheelchair must navigate the world with different strategies and face unique challenges, individuals with mental disabilities also encounter their own set of hurdles and pathways.

The struggle can feel overwhelmingly solitary, compounded by the judgments and misconceptions of those around you. While a person in a wheelchair may have visible limitations, those grappling with mental health issues often bear an unseen burden that can be just as heavy. The chaotic turmoil of anxiety, depression, or various other conditions can create a profound sense of isolation, making it difficult to express the complexity of one’s feelings and experiences.

Support and understanding from the community are vital. Just as individuals who rely on wheelchairs require environments that are accessible, those with mental disabilities need compassion, patience, and appropriate accommodations. Recognizing their struggles—whether apparent or hidden—can contribute to cultivating a more inclusive society where each person is afforded the opportunity to flourish, regardless of their challenges. It is imperative that we educate ourselves and others about mental health issues, dismantling the stigma that surrounds them. By doing so, we can build a world where everyone feels acknowledged, valued, and supported in their journey.

सधैंभरि हिमालका ढुङ्गा भत्किएर पहिरो आएको जस्तो सुनिने

उनको आवाज आज नदीमा तरङ्गले ताल मिलाउँदै बग्दा झैं

मिठास छर्दै बहेको सुने मैले

के उनको आवाज सधैं त्यस्तै थियो?

के उनी आफ्नो प्रिय समीप हुँदा मात्र त्यति नरम हुन्छन्?

के उनको प्रिय म नै हुँ?

केवल कल्पना हो, म बुझ्न सक्छु

उनी नजिक हुन नसकी भागिहल्ने म,

उनको प्रिय अर्कै छिन् भन्ने भान भएको म,

आफूलाई सम्झाउन खोज्दै छु...

मान्दैन मनले तर आफ्नो भावना गुम्स्याउने प्रयत्न गरिरहेको छु।

Okay! Let's make a pact

You didn't lose and i never won

You didn't leave and i never begged

You were 'right' and i ever as hell 'wrong'

You didn't drift away and i never became a wreck

But beyond the world of 'you' and 'me'

There must be a 'we' holding our universe together

Where,

We did stay and never got destroyed

We did win and never got away

We did kiss and never got annoyed

We did grow old and never missed a day

There is a 'me' who got 'you'

There is a 'you' who got 'me'

There is a 'me' and a 'you' who became 'we'

How happy 'they' must be?

To remain a 'we' evenif:

The wind isn't always smelling like roses

The walls get blemished by the wrinkles of time

The body that 'we' loved gets weakened by the doses

The relief of the ache isn't always 'we's' smile

How forgiving 'they' must be?

To remain a 'we' even after:

The 'i' and 'you' hurt the string of roses inside the heart

The spring crop gets eaten by the termites

The infant explored the garden and got caught

The promise to heaven sounds nothing like paradise

Okay! Let's make a pact

You stay in the reality and i in this 'we'

You wash your clothes of my stains and i will pretend 'you' were never in this 'we'

You start your new pronoun and i will die with this 'we'

Eyes that lies, will those deceptive eyes lie to me?

Eyes so wider, will those alluring eyes smile to me?

Ohh please wait for one night though this night is long

Ohh please wait till that day when we will be together

A collection that works together to make a price that’s worth all the grain of sand

A collection that seems well put but too much off the beat

A collection where voices of the devils and angels met to create a symphony

A Khoj it is

Khoj that should be searched up but kept a secret from this world

बन्द चार दिवारको कोठामा थियौ यौन तृष्णाले भरिएका उनी, म र मातिएको नियत,
मधुरो उज्यालो बत्ती बलेकै थियो तर त्यो भन्दा चहकिलो बलिरहेको थियो हाम्रो यौबनको राप,
हाम्रा आँखामा सन्तुष्टि थियो, बदनमा बेग्लै तरंग, मन प्रफुल्लित थियो, जोशिलो थियो हाम्रो पारा, पुस महिनाको जाडो पनि हार खायो हाम्रो अगाडि,
ओशिन पसिन् शरीर, भिजेको थियो बिस्तरा तर यौनरसले भिजेका थियौं हामी दुई,
नयाँ प्रेम थियो, नयाँ उचाइमा पुग्यो,
हामी नजिकियौ, नयाँ माया पलायो, भरोसा पलायो, विश्वास पलायो।
खुशी थियो मेरो तन-बदन मन मुटु
आनन्दित भए, रमाए, नयाँ कदम उठाए
मुखले मात्रै हैन त्यो दिन कर्मैले उनलाई आफ्नै बनाए ।
मलाई मैले भन्दा पनि धेरै माया गर्ने मान्छे भेटाए
आफ्नो जीवन साथी मेरी माया भेटाए, मेरी माया भेटाए। त्यै दिन देखि आफ्नो नाम बीचको कुमार पनि हटाए।

Today afternoon I was at RNAC bus stop and I noticed a middle aged woman (around 50-55) desperately looking for a public vehicle to Hadigaun. She was going to every nearby bus/micro conductor, asking if the vehicle goes to Hadigaun. Now, I knew that the bus I was about to take definitely goes to Hadigaun, so I decided that I'll let her know once the bus arrives. Once the bus did arrive, I approached her and basically told her that I had been noticing her search for a vehicle to Hadigaun, and that the vehicle has arrived.

Initially I did fear if she'd be angry because she might feel I was kind of spying on her, but instead she became really happy and excited that the bus had arrived. When we got on the bus, I sat right behind her and I got to know that she was headed for a puja in Hadigaun (forgot the diety's name). We talked for a short while during the ride, and once her stop arrived, she turned to me, smiled and waved, even said goodbye.

I know it may not sound like much of a help and I'm probably milking it a lot but that feeling of happiness and satisfaction resonated in me throughout the day. I felt happy but it was much different than the usual happy feeling. Felt like it was worth sharing, so here I am.

मेरो मुटुको टुक्रा गरी

भन तिनको के मूल्य लायु

मेरो इतिहासको काँडा बनी

भन मेरो प्रेम के तुल्य पायु

फूल जती तिमी, काँडा मेरो भागमा दिनु

प्रयास जती मेरो, उपहास तिनलाई नभनी दिनु

म हाम्रो उडान समुन्द्रको गहिराई बाट लिन्छु

अमृत पिउनी देवता जती तिमी, विष मै शिव भक्तलाई दिनु

मेरो मुखमा ढोका बन्द गरी

भन तिम्रो आँगनमा कति बगैंचा फुलायु

मेरो इन्द्रेणीलाई रंगहीन भनी

भन हाम्रो स्मृतिको पानसमा कति रंगीन दियो जलायौं

यो हुल जती तिम्रो, सुनसान चौतारी मेरो गरी दिनु

रामको विजय जती तिम्रो, वनबास मेरो नाम लेखी दिनु

जीवनको सुरुवात म हाम्रो मित्त्यु बाट गर्छु

बुद्धले छोएको पथ जती तिम्रो, रावणको रगतले धोएको माटो चाहिँ मेरो गरी दिनु

घाटमा लाससंग मितेरी लगाउछु भेट-घाटमा म एक्लै रमाउछु

Now I got responsibilities on my shoulders
Everybody is expecting from me it’s a boulder on my shoulder
Whole child hood I wished I were older
Now I don’t like it it’s hard walking around
With so much enclosed to myself
Emotions and untold feelings it hurts myself
I should focus on studies for myself
Me myself is only with me
Every one is a stranger who were once friends with me

Sano jhola , ani tesma thula sapana bokerw hine rahana man xa

sapana pura holan ki naholan yo tw niyati nai taya garne xa

Khai kina hataro xa teo aanischit bhabisya ko pani

Man dherai na dulaunu vanthee baaa le malai tae man liyerw usangai duli rahana man xa

Sayari for travelling

तिमी किन मौन छौ आज कविता बाहेक केहि त छैन म संग अरु बात।

जब तिमी जिस्किएर बोलाउछौ मलाई थाह छ तर पनि किन चञ्चल भैदिन्छ मेरो मन।

शब्दको बहावमा पनि तिम्रै परिकल्पना छाउछ के जादुगर हौ तिमी? फेरि किन यो सपना तिम्रै स्वरूपसंग मिलन गराउछ, तिम्रै यादले सताउछ।

सायद कुनै अदृश्य मेल छ हामी दुईमा किन तिम्रो एक झल्को हेर्न ललायत हुन्छन्।

तिगी जादु गर्छौं नयनहरुबाटै नशाको मात छर्छौं अनि म पनि तिम्रै नयनहरुमा सयन गर्छु, तिम्रा नशाका मातमा लठ्ठ हुन्छु।

कति सुन्दर, सालिन अनि सुमधुर छौ सगरमा छाउने उज्यालो बनाउने चन्द्रमाझै तिमीलाई म आफूमै समाहित गर्ने गर्छु तिमी अनि तिम्रै परिकल्पनामा तन्लिन हुन्छु।

थाहा छैन खै यो यात्रा कहाँ सम्मको तर जहाँ सम्म हुनेछ त्यहा तिमीलाई नै पाउने छु।

किन कि तिमी जादु गर्छौ मलाई काबु गर्छौं।

#bwrites4u