...

वर्षाको महिना, थाकेर ओत लागेर एक जोडी हेरिरहेको थियो झरी।

उसले ओत लागेको पार्कको कुर्सीमा बसेर, टाढिएको हात समाउँदै भनिन्, झमझम वर्षा हृदयको ओखती हो, मनको शान्ति हो।

उसले टाढिएको दूरी अझ मेटाउँदै भन्यो, वर्षा? त्यो त पानी हो। अनि रह्यो कुरा हाम्रो भावना, त्यो त भ्रम हो।

एकैछिनमा रोकियो झरी, कालो बादल अन्तै भाग्यो, प्रकृतिको सुन्दर लीला, झलमल्ल घाम लाग्यो। उसले भनिन्, यो न्यानो, यो उज्यालो घाम ईश्वरको वरदान हो। उसले भन्यो, भो भो, जाऊँ उता छायाँतिर, चर्को घाम भो।

पार्कमा भीड थियो, मान्छेहरू आउने-जाने गरिरहेका थिए। एकैछिनमा आउँथे अनि एकैछिनमा हराउँथे। उसले भन्यो, यति हतारमा कहाँ गएर के पाउनु छ?

उसले प्रश्न गरिन, के थाहा उनीहरूलाई कति काम पो भ्याउनु छ?

पार्कमा थुप्रै जोडीहरू थिए, सुनिरहेका थिए हृदयका धडकन। थिएन वास्ता संसारको, भङ्ग हुँदै थिए अरू बन्धन।

उसले देखेर भन्यो, यसरी त पछि गाह्रो हुन्छ, मायामा यसरी कोही न परोस्।

उसले भनिन्, हेर त, कति खुशी छन्, ईश्वरले उनिहरुको जीवन प्रेमले भरोस।

हिँड्दै जाँदा आँखा पर्‍यो ती पसलका सिसाहरूमा। मुहारमा उदासी देख्दा उसले भन्यो, के देखाउँ र? के भो? उसले भनिन्, खैरो दाग ले अनुहारनै ढाक्ने भएछ...

उसले भन्यो, कस्तो मान्छे! तिमीले सिसामा सजिएका फूलहरू पनि त हेर न, दाग त के मा चाहिँ हुँदैन र?

घर फर्केपछि रातको बेला, खुशीले बोलाउदै, उसले झ्यालतिर देखाउँदै भन्यो, उता हेर त ।

उसले भनिन्, दागले त मुहार नै छोप्छ अब, ए.. अनि धेरै भएछ सिसा न पुछेको धुलो पो जमेछ।

उसले भन्यो, हेर त, दाग त चन्द्रमामा पनि हुन्छ, तर कति सुन्दर!

उसले भनिन्, अनि चन्द्रमा त सधैं चम्किन्छ, फरक छ।

उसले भन्यो, तिमी चन्द्रमाभन्दा चम्किला छौ।

उसले मुस्कुराउँदै भनिन, साँच्चै?

उसले भन्यो, आकाशको चन्द्रमाको कसम।

दुई प्राणी पृथक रुचि राखेका, माया गरेर संसार सृष्टि नै उज्यालो परेका। धेरै भयो, यसरी नै खुशी भएर बसेका। ...

Makes me reminisce

Moment we n-ever had

The tingling feeling creeping inside

With your each touch

In the 3:48 time

Memories with you plays

With a sorrowful end

Rather you could visit me someday

In the black suit you never had

You could partner up with me

So we could have a lil dance

Flashing back into life

Willing to experience everything we never had

I will rise back whenever it’ll play

Even from the dead play

Even from 6feet under the ground

I watch him agonize over her death

denying the verity of dying itself,

a sad old man lone in his room mourning his love

The fabric that once covered her now does his tears.

and I watch him curse at the Gods- and not one,

Yahweh, Jesus, Yama, Thanatos

None escape his wrath,

his spiteful words that pierce the heavens themselves,

and he scorns all beings for not mourning;

for not conceding his loss.

The dogs that sleep on the sidewalk,

the rats that bathe in his leftovers

and the birds that sing the same when she was well,

He finds no ease, no solace

For he knows the fabric of her

the fabric is not her

and he knows his tears won't bring her back

.

I came across Bukowski's poem "For Jane: with all the love I had, which was not enough", and I couldn't help but agonize alongside his words. This one's a tribute to his poem and his immense loss. I just hope I could do justice to his grief, even if just a little

Lamo samaya paschat 1-2 din dekhi unko profile stalk gardai thiye ma

Aaja raati ta sapani mai aayin

Feri bhet bhaye kasori hola Feri saamu bhaye kasori hola Sochthey ma eklai huda

Tara mero chheu mai ayera basin Ujyalo unko muhar ra muskan Unko dahiney haat le mero debrey haat samatin Tungiyo etikai ma Aakhir sapana na ho

Kun shakti ko artha k Feri pani mero sapani ma aayi Mero haat samaunu ko artha k Muharma tyo khusi ko artha k Bujhna kathin bho maya ko artha k

          -subharambha

What a privilege it is,
to be surrounded with love,
Familial and platonic-
Love that presents itself in good food, warm hugs and surprise gifts.

What a privilege it is,
to feel devoid of love,
Despite having it all-
A closet full of clothes, a roof over your head and a memory box full of keepsakes.

What a privilege it is,
to be seen, heard and understood,
To have people notice your absence,
To have those who worry when you aren't feeling too good.

What a privilege it is,
for someone to enjoy your company,
For someone to find comfort in your silence,
And for someone to cherish and adore you for eternity.

What a privilege it is,
To turn a blind eye to this-
To think you're starved of love,
When you're surrounded by it.

So, embrace this privilege,
And treasure the little things.
Cherish the love,
That otherwise would go unseen.

Dear January,

I’ve carried the world’s weight this year—the dreams that faltered, the hopes that dimmed, and the quiet triumphs that flickered in between. But through it all, I held on, knowing you would come. You’re not just a fresh start; you’re the reason I kept building, kept dreaming, kept believing.

I’ve learned that dreams don’t die—they rest, waiting for someone to breathe life into them again. So I pass them to you, wrapped in care and resilience. Take the sparks I’ve guarded through long nights and let them blaze into something extraordinary.

The truth is, life is a cycle: I unveil reality, and you offer the promise of what could be. Together, we remind the world that even when things seem dark, it’s the dream—the dream of better—that keeps us alive.

Promise me you’ll whisper to every soul, "Keep dreaming. Keep trying. Keep the fire alive." Because no matter how hard the year has been, the light ahead is always worth the journey.

With hope and unwavering faith,
December

---
May this New Year bring you boundless joy, endless hope, and the courage to chase your wildest dreams. Keep dreaming, for it’s the spark of life itself—never let that fire die. Here's to a year of resilience, passion, and infinite possibilities!
---

आफ्नै मुटुमा भएको यो प्रश्न, बुझिन मैले
आफ्नै आत्माको कुनामा एउटा बालक रोइ बसे जस्तै
सोच , हेर
हाँस, आज
सोच, किन?
हाँस, आज
आजैकै लागि, भएपनि

ठूलो भएपनि, अर्थ छैन
सत्य आफै सत्य हुन्छ
तर सपना तिम्रो जीवनमै देखिनेछ

हिँड्दा हेर पानीमा रुझेको बेला
दुःख मात्र छ कि रु त्यहाँ
हिँड्दा खेरी कुनै बेला, बाटो बिर्सिन्छ
कैयन घुम्ती पछि, बाटो दोहरिन्छ

Song

I had this little hope for the longest time. A small glimmer of faith that everything would turn pretty again. That little thing in me, it often whisphered to me in a hushed tone. Whisphers of reconciliation when I spiraled down too deep. Whisphers of better days when moments felt bleak and eerie. Those whisphers gave me warmth. Like the embrace of sun rays in cold grips of winter. They pulled scattered fragments of me back together in one piece.

They also made me cling onto things. Things I should have discarded. Things I should've left on my way long ago. But, how could have I left nuisances so precious to me?

Leaving them astray meant that I would have been free. Free, yet with the cost of burden that I flinched away from love without even trying. It was a dilemma I could never decipher. 

Always thought that we would someday revisit the dreams we decorated together. Paint them with fresh colours. Give them a life they'd never dare regret. But, the colours, they splattered to the ground with a mild thud. Scattered everywhere tracing paths to nowhere. Alas, a sad story to recollect and sob when the world around me turns unforgivingly bleak in a mid-winter.

The child inside my heart is buried alive He gasps for a small puff of oxygen Screaming, punching, with the power he lack I watch him struggle as his eyes roll back

I try to rush and help him live But my feet are frozen, I cannot move an inch I look at the child and see someone standing near I lose sanity when I see myself there

I have a conversation with myself To inspect about the murder The other me smiled at me and said The child inside your heart is better off dead

If, Oh if the child is not killed now, You'll die every other day, The child represents the happiness inside you So you killed it yourself, before others do

Years back when I got to know him. Never thought I would get to know him deep. When I knew him deep he left to pursue his dreams to a land so far. Never thought I would meet him. But years later when I met him we had little time together. Never thought we would brace the grasp and coldness of each other's hands. But when we did turns out he has the warmest of hands. Never thought I would get to embrace this beautiful boy. But when I did my world went quiet, my clock stopped. I never thought he would look at me with the kind of love I've for him. But when he did we ran out of the little time we had.

And now I think we will never cross path in this life time. But......

To be continued...

i might die soon, leaving behind nothing but cold flesh and lifeless skin, never knowing what warmth tomorrow's noon might bring.

these habits aren’t just hollowing me out, they’re carving me open, scraping my soul raw, turning me into something i never wanted to be. i sit here waiting for the tide to come, to swallow me whole and take what’s left.

a force of nature, cruel as it can be, tearing at the roots of this shapeless soul, ripping apart what my blind eyes could never see, leaving me to rot in a silence too loud to bear.

i cough up red stains, and only my fading self watches. it watches with empty, bloodshot eyes, helpless and still, while it feeds me lies wrapped in smoke, lies that promise an end to the trembling but never deliver.

the version i once took pride to present is dissolving now—thorned by nothingness. nothing remains; it was all sent to some metaphysical void, a land of no return.

and now it’s just me—or what they call 'me'— a hollowed husk i can no longer recognize. this face, this being, this fleeting decree, it isn’t mine—not anymore, i realize.

म त्यो भीड मा नहुनु पर्ने मान्छे, कता बाट पुगेछु

ओरिपरी हेर्छु, टक्क चिल्लो छाला भाको मान्छेहरू, शरीर मा छुदा पनि दाग लाग्ला कि जस्तो कपडाहरू हावा मा एउटा अलग्गै महक छ, मानौं उनीहरू ले त्यो हावा किनेर आफ्नो हिसाब ले बास्नादार बनाएका हुन

मेरा साथी भनाउदा हरु को कस्तो कस्तो शौक हो, सस्तो भन्ने बित्तिकै नराम्रो, फोहोरी भन्ने सोच्छन् ठिकै हो, सम्पति छ, जे सुकै गरून्, सोचुन

म उनीहरू काे साथी, रमाइलो छु होला, मलाई बोलाइरहन्छन तर मलाई किन मन् पराका हुन? म त सस्तो मान्छे! मेरो माथिदेखि तलको पहिरन काे दाम जोड्ने हो भने पनि उनीहरू काे जुत्ता काे दाम पनि पुग्दैन

साला यो मेरो ८६० काे जुत्ता, किन्दा त कस्तो गदगद थिए त म कस्तो खुसी लाग्या थियो, ऐले किन मन् परेन मलाई? ऐले किन रिस उठेको मलाई यो देखेर? भर्खरै २ दिन अगाडि किनेर आज पहिलो चोटी लागेको जुत्ता, मलाई किन पुरानो, नराम्रो लागेको?

जुत्ता घटेको हो? टाइट हुँदै छ त, ऐया, खुट्टा दुख्यो मेरो कसैले वास्ता नगरुन् भनेर लुकाउँदै छु त है ऐले त किन्ने बित्तिकै त कुद्दै गएर मम्मी र भाई लाई खुसी हुँदै देखाको थिए त

साथी हरु ले गिज्याउँदैन, कैले त्यस्तो गर्या छैनन्, मलाई किन त्यसको लाज लागेको? उनीहरू गरून् न महंगो महंगो कुराहरू, मलाई कै भन्या छैनन् क्यारे तर यो अप्ठयारो कीन? उठेर जाऊ कि क्याहो? हैन, उठ्दिन, नत्र मेरो ८६० काे जुत्ता देखिन्छ!

Where words once flowed, now time moves slow. Through tangled thoughts, I try to find, A way to soothe this heavy mind. The worries come, but still, I seek, A gentle peace, though heart feels weak. I be strong as with others, but like I said, I’m weak when it comes to you, A vulnerability I never showed, until it all felt too trueThe hours stretch, the silence grows.

Paper don't judge me

Paper, don't judge me

For all the tears i soaked you in

Paper, don't judge me

For the words i etched in your skin

Paper, don't judge me

For punishing you with letters

Paper, don't judge me

For all the nibs I broke in you

Paper, dont judge me

For I used you for sadness

Paper, don't judge me

For I burnt you with memories to ashes

Paper, don't judge me

For my weaknesses, you had to suffer

Paper, don't judge me

For blaming you with scars you didn't put

Paper, don't judge me

For the smeared ink with my tears

Paper, I'm sorry

Today, while i was riding , in the back of truck saw this:

"जिन्दगी २५ वर्षको पढ़ाई २५ वर्ष कमाई २५ वर्ष दवाइ त्यसपछि बिदाइ "

I think everytime, all the time

Are you there?

Are you here ?

The person that you want to be

The person that you wish to be

I don't know but do i need to know?

Does it help only thinking?

Even then, all i can do is think

Nothing more as i only think

In the end, I am myself

There is no one

To idolise, to praise

To wish, to seek

Who am i to wish if I can't find myself?

If I cannot realise there is no one but myself

The clouds seem heavy, filled again,
The heart holds weight it cannot explain.
And there, your love waits for me
To make me alive, to hold your hands for eternity.

But how could I?
I don’t know how this heart grew so heavy,
And the breath, it falters, see?
It’s hard to even realize that I am here,
Lost in a haze I can’t make clear.

I don’t know where I am.
These days, I feel no joy.
Something deep, so deep, it hurts
Hurts more than you could ever imagine.

They tell me I’ve changed,
That I’m not the person they once knew.
And yes, I see it too
Far from love, far from you.

The heart seeks love, but refuses to share.
Is it inhuman, this need, this craving
For attention, for love, for care
While giving none in return?

I can’t do it, at least not now.
And I know you can’t wait
Wait for me to be ready
For the love you hold,
For the love I want to give.

I’m caught in a dilemma,
Blind to the feelings of others.
Inside, this storm won’t let me go.
It creeps in, haunting every attempt
To rise above the hurt,
Only to drown me again in eternal ache.

I want these feelings to leave,
But for now, they stay.
I’m trying
Talking to them, reasoning,
Telling them they don’t belong here,
That they need to change
Or find another place to rest.

But I can’t hold on much longer.
I’m fed up with these wounds,
Tired of the weight they carry.
You don’t know what I’m meant to claim,
What I’m meant to be.

But how could I be with you
Being dead inside?
How could I give you the love you deserve,
When I can’t even hold myself alive?

So, I let you go, though it breaks me.
Because I can’t have you,
Not like this.

To the falling leaves, to the air at shores,
To the city’s busy nights, to the pouring rain,
The mind is in clutter, it never saw it clear,
The heart pounded faster, it couldn’t even ignore.

How can I forget the joyful attempts of yours,
My trashy jokes, you, a little flirt.
Just wanted to kiss you,
Pin you against the wall.

Making out in the rain,
I was shivering on our date.
I can’t think of any but,
Spending blindly with you another date.

Life feels busier these days— Small cities swelling with motion, Roads jammed, heads bowed, Everyone lost in their endless devotion.

Yet, amid the frenzy, Life feels strangely unproductive. Conformity lingers in the air— Questions unasked, thoughts reductive.

People wear intelligence like a mask, But is it wisdom or the weight of excess? Too much information, a double-edged sword, A gift turned curse, leaving minds in distress.

Digital ghosts drift through screens, Connections shallow, relationships thin, Algorithms predict our desires, But who are we beneath the din?

And the future? A haze, a shadow, a drifting tide. Unpredictable and eerily dystopian, A world where hope and fear collide.

निसब्दम

तिम्रो माया मा पागल छु म

तिम्रो याद मा घायल छु म |

तिमि अगाडी हुदा मुर्तिझैँ हुन्छु म

तिमि पछाडी हुदा फुर्तिमा हुन्छु म |

तिम्रो सम्झनाले मनमा दुख छ

तिम्रो कुरा गर्न नसक्ने मुख छ |

तिमीलाई देखेसी हुन्छ यादहरु ताजा

धिकार छ मलाई बन्न सकिन म तिम्रो राजा |

तिम्रो सम्झनाले सताउने छ ज़िन्दगीभरि

किनकि तिमि नै हौ मेरो सपनाको परी |

[Just wrote something about how I feel about the freedom water possess. Write your thoughts!]

I envy water,
When cloud, carrying the rain, thundering out loud,
I, too, wanna thunder out, loud!
I envy water,
When rain, pouring down, ruthlessly,
I too, wanna pour out myself!
I envy water,
When river, flowing so free, engulfing everything on the way,
I, too, wanna engulf everything, on the way,
The joys, the sorrows, everything!
I envy water,
Depicting different forms,
Clouds, then rain, then rivers, then sea, again the clouds!
I have different forms too,
A child, then an adult, then an elder, again a child!
But, I ain't free, like the water,
I envy water, I envy the freedom!

Eutai college maa padxu bhanera thiyeana malie thaha, Tara khai kasari paye timilie, ahile tadaidai xau bhannera huda thaha man maa hudaixa daha

Timro taio anuhar lie niharna nasakeka mera haat, Ahile timro photo lie nihardai xan mera aakha

Khai aaba vetinxau ke vetidainau, Tara sambhav bhaye banna saku ma timro tauko mathi ko euta matra pakha

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिम्रो त्यो पर्खाइ

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिम्रो त्यो झुठो बोलाइ

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिम्रो त्यो नयन्को हेराइ

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिम्रो त्यो हत्केला समाइ

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिमी देखी

तिम्रो त्यो सन्सार देखि

तिम्रो त्यो न्यानो अङ्गालो पल देखि

तिम्रो त्यो २ नेत्रको हेराइ देखि

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिम्रो त्यो झुठो कसम देखि

अब पुग्यो मलाई तिमी देखि अब पुग्यो मलाई तिमी देखि ।।

P.S : I'm thinking of opening a page (fb/ig) and posting poetry and stuffs there. I'd love to hear suggestions from you guys. Also would be a help if you guys suggest me a name for the page too.

The city falls asleep to the sirens,

to the music of someone else's pain

So will I, I'm no better,

No more noble, no more virtuous than the man next door

Moreover, I'm relieved. Ashamed, but relieved.

The tragedy wasn't mine,

God perhaps saw me fit to go one more day,

Maybe he isn't omniscient,

perhaps he didn't think it through.

And I stand  petrified in my place with shame and guilt

I do not understand His ways.

Today, I woke up to the same somber music once again,

My neighbor.

And I stood there, Ashamed but relieved -

Praising and cursing Him,

for not choosing me - for what better pretender than someone sick?

Someone utterly helpless in the tides of life?

साँझपनि कस्तो मज्जाको समय हैं, अँध्यारोको निमन्त्रणा पञ्चे बाजा बजाउँदै आउँछ भावनाहरुको उर्लिएको लहरले मेरो चरित्रनै बगाउँछ। अनि ती चिसा हवाहरुले मनको रहर फुकाल्छ।।

न कसैले सुन्न सक्छ ती भावनाहरुको मौन पुकार कानमा पुगेर त केही हुँदैन भन्या, जब मस्तिष्क र मनको बाँकीरहँदैन कूनै आधार।।

जब शरीरको साथ चुट्छ, अनि आफ्नो ज्यान आफ्नै रहँदैन, तब मस्तिष्कको अनगिन्ती चर्तिकला र उसको प्रिय मित्र मुटुको बज्छ झन्कार।।

दिनसँग मेरो अनन्त झगडा छ। तिमीले जीवन बिगारेको छौ भनेर, म बारम्बार आरोप लगाउँछु। तर, दिनबिना संसारका थुप्रै कामहरू सम्भव छैनन्। यही सत्यले मलाई फेरि चुप बनाउँछ।

अँध्यारोको बातै बेग्लै छ। न कसैले मलाई हेर्छ, न त कसैलाई मेरो चिन्ता। एउटा कुरुप छाँया हो हजुर म त, म र रातमा के भिन्नता।।

fleeting feelings, a stolen glance, in shy eyes, a hesitant dance. not bright like the sky, vast and blue, a storm was brewing, they always knew.

hatred creeping where love should bloom, hope fading in a silent room. she stayed near when he frayed apart, bound by adorement, tied in heart.

a game of “maybe,” a dance with regret, held by whispers she can't forget. now he's adrift, glass in hand, lost in memories he can't withstand. could it be fate, a game not won, a whispered promise, undone by the gone.

“Just to hold you,” softly she pled, past reminiscence deepened, all he said.

pain is the only feeling worth experiencing, again and again. sadness creeps in, filling a hollow sigh, empty air in vain.

i fell in love with sadness just now, fell for the feeling i once feared— just don’t know how.

i was caught up in a person, not for anything but their gleam, the faint touch of hurt, of betrayal, the sense of losing something loyal. it struck me— how can someone live in this strange mix of love and disgust? but i couldn’t ask them, lost in my own longing.

i loved that feeling, that endless ache, the kind of hurt that keeps healing, a perpetual hurt. it never stops, just keeps moving, like life does. how could i ask if i would? how could i say i loved their pain, their suffering, their hate, their memories painted with disgust— how could i?

i lost them, but my love for suffering hasn’t changed.

सोमबार काे त्यो दिन, जुरुक्क उठे देखि नै मन हल्का खिन्न हुँदै थियो मुन्टो घुमाएर घडी तिर हेरे, घडी ले नमज्जा ले 9 बजाएको रैछ

ह्या आज जान्न अफिस सफिस भनेर बसेको मात्र थिए, पेट कुई कुइँ गरेर करायो अनि सम्झेँ, पेट लाई त अल्छी लाग्दैन, यो भकारी ले मागेको मागै गर्छ

आफूलाई घिसारेर खाट बाट उचाले, नित्यकर्म गरे, र किचेन तर्फ लागे चिया मा कागती निचरेर र कुखुरा ले मेहेनत गरेर निकालेको अण्डा लाई फ्राई गरेर खाए

हतार हतार तयार भएर आफ्नो थोत्रो बाइक तिर लागे अहो त्यो बाइक! किक हान्न सुरु गरे, गयो मेरो 10 मिनेट यसमा अब

8 मिनेट, 35 सेकेण्ड जाती पछी बाइक सुरु भयो र म निस्के 10 बजे अफिस पुग्नु पर्ने म, 9:45 मा बल्ल घर छोडे, त्यसमाथि काठमाडौँ काे जाम

अरुबेला जस्तै आज पनि जाम काे पछाडि परेको म रातो, कालो, नीलो रङ्गको कैयौ हेलमेट हेर्दै बसिराथे

आज त के हो, जाम नै सर्दैन त, के भएछ भनेर बाइक बाट लम्किदै हेर्दै थिए यतिकै मा अर्को साइड बाट आएको बाइक ले भन्यो, ' अगाडि त एक्सिडेन्ट भएको छ '

' मेरो अफिस छ, ढिलो हुँदैछ ' भन्ने कुरा बिर्सेर बाइक बाट झरेर एक्सिडेन्ट काे दृश्य हेर्न पुगे शान्त आकाश बाट पनि चट्याङ काे ठूलो झिल्को ले मुटु मै हान्यो त्यो बेहोसी मा रगत ले लतपत भाको मान्छे देखेर

एकठाउँ मा 5 सेकेण्ड भन्दा धेरै बस्न नसक्ने मेरी एक्स, सुप्रिया, त्या अचल भएर पल्टेकी 5 मिनेट भन्दा बढी भइसकेछ हैन हाम्रो माया त मरिसकेको थियो, सहमति मा छुटेको थियौ हामी, अनि किन रगत ले लतपत भएर उ लडिरहदा, मलाई मेरो शरीर बाट रगत गए जस्तो लागेको?

मनपर्यो भने Part 2 पनि पोस्ट गर्छु!

धेरै सुन्दर हुनेगर्छ त्यो प्रेम सम्बन्ध यदि मन भित्रबाट निभाइन्छ भने..!!

I remember every memories of my devices. I know I had time I was in love with a loading animation. This sounds funny but yup I had that. Let me take you to my memory lane and introduce to a strangers phone through out his life.

I had a lot of things. From MP3 players, not ipod but cheap music players to video players which were called MP4. It was around 2007 maybe, I bought it around 1500. We used to take pictures and what I used to do was resell it for a better price to my friend. I did that thing when I was a kid(8 yrs old), nowadays I don't. In those times, that feel like ripping someone apart but it was cool. But now I feel like that shouldn't be a thing. I'll change, I gotta make money now. We even took some pictures from that MP4 and printed it out. It was some annoying pictures of me, my sister and a friend. We used to go on our house roof and click photos.

I also bought a video game of around 800 rupees. The video game had a keyboard built with a chip-insert thing where we could chip-in the games chip. This loaded the game and we could play all along connecting two consoles. I used to play Contra and Super Mario a lot in that. My parents had that console until next year. My friends used to come over and we played a lot of games in that. I had a lot of fun. After that, I never played any video games or, computer games. We used to visit Gaming Parlour and play all the stuffs, Pokemon, WWE and a lot. Also, there used to be that another Video Game parlour where we used to play Tekken.

First phone, back in 2009 I had Samsung Chat On. The tiny phone with a touch screen. Me and my sister used to snatch money from the store and save it up for stuffs. This we bought together and feel close to it. It was a basic phone where we could browse social media and have a tiny screen for all. I remember using Nimbuzz but I never used mig33. A dai of mine did and I used to think it was cool.

As time passed by, we had that phone for a while. And since we were in school, our parents never bought us a phone. In grade 9, maybe in 2014 I got my first laptop. It was Dell and the laptop was around 45-50k. I was the one who used to have laptop in my tole. I used to love it, it was my baby. I watched a lot of things in it and did a lot as well. I had to leave it because I was leaving for Kathmandu from my hometown. I was joining the hostel so, I couldn't take it.

And I bought my first phone, it was Lumia 535. Lumia phone was a thing in those time. A friend of mine used to own a Nokia Lumia while I was in school but in those time I didn't had a phone. After my SLC, my dad bought me a Lumia. Back then as well, the phone was around 15k. I really should be grateful for parents because I know most of people never had this thing. But back then, when I visited my mamaghar, my cousins there used to have Xperia and play Taylor Swift. It was her song, Red. I didn't used to listen to english songs but I thought it was cool. My insecurities grew back then, and I felt envious to my cousins. So, that Lumia too didn't made me feel good.

The Lumia used to be a great phone. I hiked to Swargadwari when I was in 9th grade and saw a monk there who own a badass Lumia which had a pop-up camera. It was such a cool phone and made me wander how a Lumia phone is in this remote area. Also, a dai of mine had a Lumia as well. We stayed whole night in someone else home outside to upgrade the phone to a newest version. But the upgrade was trash. So, we later downgraded to the previous version.