Assalam o alaikum brothers
I'm a 24 year old guy currently doing a postgrad degree. I've had this problem of masturbating for years since I was around 13 or 14 because of the friends I had at the time. In the last 4-5 years I've found my love for my deen. I've left music for the sake of Allah. I deleted every single social media for the sake of Allah. I stopped playing CODM so I don't talk to females on there or play with them. I started memorizing the Qur'an and doing adhaan at the masjid and leading salah at the uni mosque and studying my deen and I've replaced music with Qur'an and it's to the point where 24/7 there is Qur'an playing in my head. I changed everything about me I became more and more and confident about my deen. Completely stopped talking to girls unless necessary and I stopped feeling shy when saying No to handshakes. I changed a lot about myself. Improved my relationship with my family became a better brother and a better son and everyone seems to think I'm some righteous guy who has a lot of knowledge about his deen and leads salah and has a good recitation. May Allah protect me from riya I'm not trying to show off.
The problem is, alongside all of that, I haven't been able to leave this habit of masturbation. I'm not addicted to porn. I have this urge of sexual feelings where sometimes I just masturbate, while sometimes I will watch inappropriate tiktoks of girls or recently, I will use a website online to have sexual conversations with AI bots. It's not that I crave watching inappropriate things, I get this urge to have a sexual partner. Now I know some people will say I should get married but I don't think that's the answer because I can't put myself in someone else's life pretending to be a righteous person while I have this disgusting habit. I have to leave this Completely first and then get married so that I'm not in the danger of being disloyal to my wife. I try my best to lower my gaze and recently I've started to pray 2 rak'ahs everytime I look at a girl twice. I try to fast every monday and thursday especially now.
This habit has been on and off where at the start it was an addiction to porn but it changed to what it is now. I have gone one to two months without it. Especially during Ramadan. But after this ramadan, I'm having the worst phase where I've been falling into this filth almost 3 or 4 times a week.
Everytime I fall into it, I cry to Allah. And wallahi It's always from the heart. It makes me feel disgusting and I always have a sincere pact to never do it again. I even turn off my phone when I come back to my apartment but sometimes and this is when it usually happens, when I wake up from a nap or before sleeping, I end up going back to it where I say to myself, "it's okay you're only going on your phone for a bit You won't do anything haram" and then it happens. I even post my recitations on the internet to get hasant from people listening to it.
But after trying everything, I keep failing and currently, I'm in the worst state.
Please if there's anyone who's had success or has tips or someone who can be a partner in checking up on each other, please reach out to me. I will be extremely grateful to you
JazakAllah Khairan

I've been doing it since I was 13 and had a few periods where I stopped for a couple of months, but I've always gone back to it

The truth is I've gotten so used to watching pornography that I don't really have much motivation to seek a spouse even though my finances are good etc. When a family member tells me I should look for a wife or w.e. I just shrug it off because I can't tell them that I prefer porn over the ups and downs of a real marriage.

I can acknowledge that porn doesn't fulfil all of my needs but the truth is it also feels like the risk:reward ratio is too skewed for my liking. The few needs I have that can only be met through a real relationship, I don't feel are worth the risks of a lifelong commitment and all the things that can go wrong in it

I basically feel as though porn fulfils 70% of my needs, and the other 30% you get from a real relationship aren't worth pursuing because of the risks involved in marrying a woman and dealing with her mood swings and expectations of lifelong loyalty. It seems crazy to me and I definitely can't do it.

There are just too many desires and tastes in women I have, that I don't even think I could be faithful to one woman for the rest of my life, and these desires are ever changing for me, I don't trust myself to be sexually interested in just one woman forever and the logical part of my brain knows that this is the truth, in which case why would I willingly ruin a woman's life if I know i'd lose interest in her after having experienced everything she can give me?

I know all of this is haram but my biology sadly overcomes my faith and I've basically conditioned myself to indulge in porn that it has become the default for me.

I still do istighfar and can refrain from it for days and sometimes weeks at a time, but I stopped beating myself up when I indulge in it. I just accept it as part of my life now, because lying to myself about how I'll never view it again is just that, a lie and my brain knows it, it knows that i'm lying to it and refuses to accept the lies anymore.

I caught my husband searching up porn on his twitter. When I bought it up. He lied to me about saying that he clicked on it by accident. I didn’t believe him but after he admitted that he was really into it when he was younger but sometimes he falls back into it. He was really sorry about it started crying and deleted all his social. I don’t even know how to feel, I feel so numb. I don’t understand why he would do that we have a good sex life

There is nothing that weakens your resolve more than the constant normalization of the traditions of the west, po**agrahpy is normalized, s*x is normal, lust is normal, everything, as a teenager growing up, you start thinking, wow this is the real world, it isnt, look at your culture again, see the muslims around you, see the respectable modesty of those around you, the food, the vibes of home, this is your home, not the culture that breaks you and makes you addicted to a woman’s beauty. Be strong, lower your gaze. Be the best muslim you can be, a man needs a wife, when your wife satisfies your desires, supports you on the path of Allah, dont fail, nothing can take you down, dont fall into temptation, be the one that calls people to righteousness.

Im 16m and i get turned on by wearing womens cloths is this normal? Im straight and dont like men but for some reason if i where womens cloths i get turned on right away and i dont know why does anyone else experience this?

Zina becomes a lot easier after you overcome your addiction because beating PMO is not the end, it is only the beginning. Here are changes that take place in your life once you’ve beat this addiction.

1. You get closer to Allah. You stop missing Salahs. You pray on time without anything within you holding you back from it.

2. Your family ties are strengthened because you gain mental and emotional clarity to keep your emotional being in check, overall leading to a peaceful and healthy household. This wipes away your toxic family problems.

3. Bi-product of beating PMO is beating your laziness and all desires. You get all of your work done on time without any excuses. You finally start seeing hope in your future and in achieving all of your goals

4. Your mind becomes more focused and you don’t succumb to any desires or distractions

5. You start achieving all of your goals. You reach a point where everything you put your mind to becomes achievable

6. Your likeability factor shoots up. You become a lot more confident, your personality radiates, people around your start liking you more, friends, colleagues and ultimately women are drawn towards you.

This is where the real struggle of Zina begins and this is where you have to keep yourself away from it because once you commit it, you will fall back into an even worse addiction, zina.

I don't think I can do this alone anymore. I'm so tired of relapsing. I really hope I can find someone who wants to help me. I need someone who can keep me accountable. If you're willing to help, just DM me. Jazakallahu Khairan.

I admit I haven't been able to go full cold turkey. Unfortunately, I have peeked more than I did last week this week. However, I am still on nofap. Also weirdly enough my iman has becoming stronger but still I sometimes I give in to these urges. Now my exams are about start so I hope I won't succumb to these temptations out of boredom. From stress though, that's a possibility. But I will try my best to abstain. Just 2 weeks left until this all gets easier InshaAllah + I will beat my longest streak.

One day at a time

I suffer from wiswas in my prayers, Wudu , ghusl , purity etc. however the problem is that I have a problem of p*** and these days I’m stopping. The wiswas has gotten bad and ghusl has become so hard for me it takes me 20-30 mins to do it and sometimes I’m so tired that I don’t do it and I miss my prayers. However the day before yesterday i stopped mas******ing and done ghusl.
I started praying again and i was really happy. However I don’t remember if I masturbated or not yesterday. I’m sure I didn’t but I have a feeling that I might’ve. I think it’s wiswas but the thing is that it’s eating me alive. Do I have to do ghusl… cuz the thing is I would remember if I did but I just can’t… pls tell me what should I do. Cuz I’m sure this is just a doubt..

Asalamualikum brother, may allah forgive me I am planning to attempt suicide as I am badly stuck in the cycle of PMO for over 14 years now, got addicted when i was 15 and still continuing. I am done with this shit and can't take this any more. My mind is destroyed by negativity and stress. My joints are cracking like 80y old man as i am moving. I feel pain in every part of my body. I honestly dont see any point in living my life any more. I've had 8 months streak in 2020 and that was the longest streak till day. Now I can't even abstain from this even for 3 days. I promised on quran that I will leave this, but failed everytime.i am sick of this trap.

I’ve repressed my sexuality so much that I feel asexual now. Honestly might’ve turned out better if I dated more instead when I wanted. Everyone gives the same brain dead answer of getting married young and it’s so stupid to me. Speed running divorce or lifelong unfulfillment. I think it’s healthy for young people to experiment with each other and might be harmful if you don’t. Otherwise you’re just gonna obsess over it like everyone on this sub, at least that way you can make your head shut up about it and live your life

Is it even possible to completely stop? I find not masturbating almost impossible, I can avoid everything else, including porn but how are you supposed to manage these feelings if ur not married? I’m not in a position to get married and I’ve tried fasting but I can’t fast everyday and it only stops it in the day time. I have no clue how to manage it anymore. do I just accept that I will relapse?

Everything was going fine and well until these last two or three days. These types of urges were the kind that usually come and go but yesterday and today, they were on a completely different level.

These thoughts and urges would NOT LEAVE ME ALONE, no matter what I did nor what I tried to do in the efforts of escaping them! It was something out of the ordinary, I can not describe to you how strong they were. I could not get these thoughts and desires to go away both physically and mentally, and it got to the point where I already knew what was going to happen later in the day when the opportunity for relapse would strike. It was all I was thinking about doing the whole day, to finally give in. Not because I wanted to, but because it felt like this was the only way to get out of these strangulating and suffocating thoughts and desires which I felt like was literally taking over my body and soul.

It could be that I'm a weak person and was simply not strong enough to fight back, and that this is completely normal for the people wanting to give this filth up. If you have some tips for me let me know and please make dua' for me to get rid of this stuff.

Jazakumallahu khayran.

I was born muslim but my knowledge is very low, ive thought that learning about tawheed, in particular the 99 names ofAllah would help me, and to some extent it has, but not as much as i thought it would before learning this, i am more god conscious, however im still doing this act, yes i feel more motivated to not do it as im 31 years old and i know time is running out, i spend my weekdays in the mosque straight after i finish work as i know if im alone at home i will fail, especially as im not married, so what is the best way to stop this? ive thought of a few ways to become less weakwilled i.e.going muay thai, but is there any knowledge that would be powerful in the deen to help, apart from the obvious (i.e. hellfire, day of judgment, punishment of the grave) as im well versed on this

Trust me when I say this. I never wrote here before, but I'm only here to advice you all. So please read this thoughtfully. You may never hear an advice like this so please take the chance to read carefully.

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes or unclear sentences, I just want to write this in one go so I can never remember this again and delete this throwaway account soon.

I'm a very curious person. So curious yet smart. Always knowing where to go and what to do for certain matters. Yet it felt like fitna. I'm also very religious hamdulillah at 22.. at least I'm trying to be by gaining and applying many knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah.

And before you even think about it, it wasn't with a prostitute. it was with a real.. innocent person who has feelings, who also has never done this before. We never even officially dated, and we somehow fell doing this. This happened in an Islamic country where Islam thrives and is beautified by its society, not forced upon them either, just a society that loves Allah altogether.

I won't talk about how we met or whatever, but it was simple, we were acquainted for a year but never really talked and the consistent connection between us lasted for 2 months after our first time. We're still virgins, but it doesn't make us any better. We went all in.. in my home while I'm alone.

So let me tell you why it's not worth it. Despite our lack of boundaries -- other than intercourse itself -- it felt humiliating to do. We had all the freedom we could do whatever we want without getting caught! ..but It felt awful..

My constant remembrance of Allah during the whole thing.. is ironically what hurt the most in my heart. It's not like the scenes you watch in movies or online, it's embarrassing, and can lead anyone (who isn't married) to deep regret. Regardless of how much we were into it, it felt tragic to me later on. From what I learned, sex is a small part of your life, though our generation has glorified it so much that some actually made it their entire life goal. Trust me, it starts but ends so quickly. It's bumpy, messy, and humiliating. That's why you only do it with one person, because it's not an achievement it's a series of experiences that progresses in betterment throughout each session.

What lead me to this was my desire for sexual tension, I wasn't addicted to it and yet masturbation has gotten boring to me. I was able to stop easily hamdulillah and somehow Shaytan just made me do worse than I ever did. I convinced myself I'd like it, but I never repented to hard and deeply before after it. It's not any better, it's worse, masturbation isn't the same as the reality of sexual pleasure with your partner.

Please, whomever is reading this. Commit yourself to the path of marraige, don't waste your hasanat on dating or attempting to have premarital sex. One day Allah could will show you what I have done to myself if you do the same thing. I already feel what my username states, and now I have to bear witnessing it again when Allah prosecutes me for this specific sin and others. None of it is ever worth it. I repeat.. it's never worth it. I can't say this enough ya Allah I don't know what else to say.. I just hope you understand the feelings written behind these bodies of text.

It's not worth it. Please, work towards marriage before you end up like me. Don't put yourself in my position I beg all of you my brothers and sisters in Islam.

As you may see in the title, i need urgent help. I am a arab muslim with 18 addiction, and i dont know how to stop. i have watched videos on yt to stop the addiction, one was about that this addiction is destroying ur eman and story and yusuf and other stuff but that just didnt work. one other vids i found was to make wuduh when ur about to watch prn, but all this isn't helping me. I have even deleted tiktok and instagram so that i dont see women. But one way or another they pop up as a ad or spams and whenever that happens lust takes over my mind and i am not how i am normally.

i seriously need help, i pray all 5 prayers at the time in masjid, i read quran daily, i try my very best not to swear or do any bad deeds but this bad deed is pulling me down and idk how to solve this. whenever i go and do the thing and lust goes away i feel so much anger that i havent felt even.

PLEASE i am begging u help me, this advice or solution u give me might help end my addiction and be the reason for the rest of my life that i dont mastubt

Book link : https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-zC0c8LiiWjQ5kazmJj5ZYzpio5tALoq/view?usp=drive_link

I have put the techniques here in detail via which I have quit my own addiction Alhamdulillah.

PS : Sorry proof-readers if you are reading it, I don't want to come off as mean but the people who did proof-read, one of them had a med school exam ( so he skimmed off, understandable) and another one too skimmed off. They were okay with the contents in the book but they said to add content like time management and how to kill urges when they come ( they literally didn't read it properly, nay didn't even skim it properly). I have also left any hope from mod to get my post pinned @FreedomFromNafs 🤧

I guess a few people will read the book, skim by and go away. Please don't skim please! If you skim you won't be able to connect the dots

My purpose was to share how I quit it. There are many simple lucid wisdom which are highly profound and life changing but we never reflect about them. My goal was to make people think about that and change their thinking. Please don't get turned off by contents page or just skim by. If you are going to read, read it entirely it's only 34 pages worth of content.

Thank You! Jazakallah Khair

So Basically the book is done (38 pages). I have sent it to 3 people for proof-reading. Anybody else who are willing to volunteer to proof-read can message here, I shall give you the link in dms. Once the proof-readers give the green flag we are gonna roll the official version down!

​

In the meantime, someone kindly get me in contact to a mod. If my post with the final version of the book gets lost in the thread of posts, it will be utterly useless to have written it. People come here daily, depressed with messages of relapse, how to quit etc. I have written a comprehensive book which inshallah can help everyone fix this filthy addiction (coming from a guy who has successfully beaten the addiction) . So I really need a mod to pin it!

Asslam O Alikum brothers! I am 16 yrs M I am constantly relapsing after 3 days of controlling. Please give me any advice for controlling on mu urges and stay focused. Today I relapsed. 😰

I know you guys and myself we all have read so many advices from Islamic to non islamic one. Do this do that to quit pmo.
but this one advice is 80% of the crux of those who successfully quoted pmo. They do exist but are fairly few in number. I have observed them to not spend a single moment being lonely. yes they are single and unmarried but usually their routine is

- handout with friends

- busy with 9 to 5 work

- after work no lonely time at least stay with family /friends do their chores help them

- side hustle

- do something new in life like learning a new hobby

basically try not to be alone and keep mind busy. use your friends family to talk about problems so they don’t stress you out and you go full on wanking mode because pmo will takeaway attention from problems temporarily like TikTok videos and that’s exactly what your brain wants.

your primitive brain wants your balls on brains rather than stress on brains.

develop new coping mechanisms.

​

just don’t stay alone avoid situations where you’ll be alone. You do this but stay idle and bored then also you’ll fail. If you have nothing to do there is always this combo

dua

2 rakah

Quran

in your free time .

Take a pen write on your hand to pray 2 rakah if you see yourself searching or peeking or teasing yourself for filty shameless stuff.

​

Assalamu alaikum everyone. I’m a 26M and see a lot of young + grown Muslims in this community that are dealing with the temptations; some struggling a lot more than others.

I wanted to create this requesting from the Muslims who have kicked, or are very well on their way to kick, the addiction many face behind closed doors.

You can choose from these questions which to answer below - the more answers the better:

1. Can you list realistic, tested, & proven methods you’ve dealt with temptation?
2. When you’re doing good on your abstinent streak and something happens or the temptation is very strong, what do you do to avoid falling into it?
3. How has stopping this addiction improved your iman, life, and relationship with Allah? (answer this one from the heart please)

I have my methods that I’ll list inshaAllah but I want to hear others inputs.

May Allah reward each of you for your efforts, make it easy for you to quit, and reward you for each time someone follows what you suggest below, ameen!

edit: forgot to include - feel free to message me if you need an accountability partner. Preferably brothers only please.

Don't you guys dare slip, I'm halfway done with my book ( just hold on for a day or two for the sake of Allah) ( pasted the title again for 150 characters)

And another thing, I've found 3 proof readers but the mod freedom from nafs doesn't seem to be responding, kindly connect me to another mod. Thank You!

Yes!

The pain of fighting urges, sexual energy, morning woods, lowering gaze, blue balls and controlling your desires is far better than the pain of

relapsing

and feeling, guilty, sinful, lonely, depressed, anxious, emptiness, regret, having erectile dysfunction, and a strained marriage

Both paths have pain and struggle

but one path leads to a happier life where you are successful and earn the pleasure of Allah swt

while the other one leads to a miserable life where you are a loser and earn the displeasure of Allah swt

The pain will be there regardless

It is your choice which pain you want to endure

So which one will you choose ?

Ik this might be impossible, but maybe someone knows?

I don’t watch porn, or explicit movies or media. Nor do I masturbate (3 months clean). But yet I’m still h*rny, kinda wishing to get rid of it all together if possible. Life with out sexual desire would be nice.

Salaam all,

I don’t know if this post will be allowed, if it isn’t so be it, but I’m getting this off my chest either way. I’m hoping it might motivate some of you, and show you how deeply damaging porn can be and what it can eventually lead to.

My late husband (early 30’s, died of an aggressive cancer that took him months after diagnosis), was apparently a porn/sex addict.

I had known him for over a decade, but in all that time he had managed to hide this from me and I only discovered it after his death (found his secret email account on his phone with all the evidence).

I can only piece together based on what I have discovered (unfortunately I obsessively looked through everything and found a lot of evidence of his secret), but I believe he must have had a porn addiction in his teens, married me and managed to abstain for a year, maybe two, in which time I fell pregnant and then he began seeing escorts on the odd occasion over next few years, while most likely watching porn frequently in between (I always wondered why he needed to be on his phone in bed rather than cuddle and talk to me - he claimed he needed to watch YouTube videos to fall asleep but now I know the real reason). Also, just for the record, we did have a good, healthy marriage for the most part and I considered him my best friend.

The last time he saw an escort, was only months before being diagnosed with cancer. The doctors actually believe his cancer had only begun growing for a few months prior to diagnosis and due to its aggressive nature, grew big enough to cause symptoms.

A few months later, and he was gone. His last few months were spent praying more, spending longer in Salaah, doing dhikr and reading duas, reading Quran every day (he was a Hafiz), and I remember trying to reassure him he was a good person and Allah loves him and this cancer wasn’t a punishment, it was just a means of elevating his status, Allah tests those He loves. He never seemed to believe me, and never seemed reassured and I wondered why.

Why he got cancer, only Allah knows. I believe it was a mercy from Allah, for us both. He got the opportunity to repent and no longer has to be here struggling with this addiction, and for me, well, subhanAllah my eyes have been opened. I am closer to Allah, and fill this void in my life now with learning more about Islam and trying to be a better Muslim.

My husband wasn’t a bad person. I believe he was battling with something he didn’t know how to control. I wish he had known about this support group and I wish he had told me at the beginning of our relationship so that I could have supported and helped him before it got out of hand the way it did.

To all of you struggling, don’t give up hope and get help, counselling, whatever is available. And make your intention to give up for the sake of Allah, not for anything or anyone else. Allah sees your intention and you are rewarded for your sincere intentions.

I’m sorry that you have grown up in this messed up hypersexualised society, and that this addiction has such a hold over you. But as with any addiction, it can be fought. Fight shaytaan with all your might, don’t let him drag you down.

(FYI: I’m not sticking around reading your posts, I came across this subreddit by chance and yes I had a little read of people’s struggles as I was curious to get an insight into my husbands possible struggles to try and understand this (and him) better but I’m just dropping this post and then leaving so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable in this space - apologies if I have offended or triggered anyone).

(Also, respectfully, please, no DM’s, I won’t respond :) )

May Allah help and guide you all.

Someone please help me out. I cannot stop. I live alone and so it is very hard to hold myself accountable.

I have tried to go on streaks but I fail again and again. My imagination runs wild sometimes.

It is much easier when I am at my parents house but because of work I live away from them now. I am very close to committing Zina too. It’s actually dangerous.

I desperately need an accountability partner

There are many downsides that we dont know about but a youtuber named iamLucid exposes them. He recently posted this video exposing almost every issue with it with evidence behind it. I would highly recommend watching it

https://youtu.be/J0W6SmaueV8?si=Qo-0qyiLliWrBfuo

It's worth noting I have substance dependencies on three prescription drugs I was put on without my informed consent as a child, meaning if those leave my body too fast, I experience withdrawal, so I hope the dua doesn't cause withdrawal.

Throwaway account for obvious purposes. Years and years of this addiction, weakened me both mentally and physically, and my Iman. And it's still there. When I tried to quit, I realised the damage and it was too much. I find my heart heavy mostly nowadays, am unable to socialise which leads to loneliness and fomo. I also developed a defeatist mindset down the road, maybe a reason why I gave in to my urges so easily. The frequency of my PMO has reduced quite a bit and I'm trying to eradicate it but when I look back at the damage it's disheartening.

I have now severe PE, combined with my naturally small manhood and the loser mindset, I find myself incapable of sex. It makes me afraid of marriage as I would be ruining someone's healthy sex life. I might be able to fix PMO but I find it hard to change my mindset. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that I'm undeserving of all this. It has been ingrained in my mind. I also consider myself unmanly and have developed an inferiority complex towards other men doing better in life.

I know one shouldn't despair, but at nights when the heart feels heavy and the mind is clouded with thoughts, the outlook on life gets worse. The hatred I have for myself is immense. I'm also not doing well academically which adds to it. There is some sort of resentment too.

I can only pray to Allah to make me at least feel better, but I'm not deserving of that when my iman is a joke. I don't try to strengthen it and I expect things in return. Safe to say I'm nothing more than a hypocrite.

I don't know how to get out of this spiral. It keeps consuming me with each day passing.

Salam everyone

I’m feeling a lot of urges right now and not thinking properly. I want to masturbate even though I know I shouldn’t. Ever since my exams ended I’ve just been masturbating almost everyday or every other day and not doing anything productive. Socially my friends aren’t messaging me back so I’m left home all the time and my family is too dramatic so I stick to myself and thus I end up jerking off a lot.

Can someone help me