i could eat a whole buffet it’s a week before my period doesn’t help that i’ve been eating more lately and super bloated. I am so hungry and want to eat but I will hate myself so much if i do. I wish i wasn’t hungry.

i have nothing but canned veggies and tuna but my can opener isn’t working anymore so i can’t eat any of it. none of my knives are strong enough to cut the cans open either. i’m gonna scream!! i don’t get my food stamps until the 5th and i don’t currently have any income.🥲

i do (unfortunately, very unfortunately) live with my dad despite being a grown adult (life has whooped my ass so bad lol) but ofc his can opener is also janky af and all of his food has meat in it which i do not and will not eat.

i’m so mad and hungry and i want to scream. i don’t want to text my mom to ask for money to buy a cheap can opener because it’s not her problem, she has enough to deal with and spend money on and as an adult i should have a job and my own money.

anyways, that’s my rant. dumb shit and problems i caused myself.<3

Whenever I eat or eat too much it feels like the external world of physical objects comes crashing down onto me and with it, my body flies out, all dismantled, all parts swimming in a blast of this energetic “world-rage”. Like my very unnecessary and useless body (aka container) is flying out with no control, with nothing to keep the bits in place. It feels like I’m being touched by their insults and words and touches and dirty looks and giggles and insulting jokes and whispers about the way I look and the way I am again. And to top it off, I’m a woman. This is the only way of proving ownership, only way of me proving, very fucking angrily proving, that this body, that is, part of the way I look externally, is mine, and most importantly, that you don’t know, like I do, exactly what it is and who I am, and I fucking do. You do not get to touch this. You will not corrupt it with your insults or your words. I will show you what you have done to me. I am hurt and it is your fault. You made me like this. And it’s your fault.

Am I crazy or anyone else?

TLDR: are cognitive problems normal while underweight? if so, how long will it take for the problem to go back to normal after gaining weight?

hi so I've been suffering from anorexia for around a year and a half now and I've been in recovery for most of it, but have been failing miserably. I was in intensive-care for a few months but I was an outpatient so I was allowed to go home everyday. I did end up gaining some weight but ended up losing some of it after I left. this is mainly due to my gastro-intestinal illness caused by (u guessed it) being underweight. I have been underweight for longer than I've had anorexia (since I was around 10 I think?) so yknow my body hasn't been doing too good these past couple years

my cognitive-function seems so strange all the time like I can't really form proper sentences sometimes? or I stutter. this really worries me as I'm doing lots of revision for my exams but I'm REALLY worried I'm just going to forget everything because of how under-nourished I am. this is really stressing me out as these exams dictate basically my career and what university I can apply to

I am really trying to get up to a healthy weight but the fact that I haven't been in that range for years scares me. its weird because I know my stomach problems will get better if I eat but its so fucking hard. luckily though, I am seeing a medical dietitian after seeing tons of ED specialist dieticians to finally help with my inability to feel hungry and struggle with eating food so hopefully that goes well. maybe centring weight gain less around my ED will help more? not sure till I see her ig

I went through a extreme b/p relapse about 2 weeks ago, which lasted about 3 weeks. Ever since then, I am so fatigued I can’t even function. No amount of sleep or caffeine can energize me. I feel dizzy and weak and tired despite gaining the weight back and hydrating well. I had to go to the hospital mid relapse- my blood tests and EKG were fine surprisingly, I was b/p about 3-6 times a day.

I don’t know what to do about this. I can barley function. Every day gets worse. I’m consuming about 800mg caffeine a day, and the effects only last like 1 hr. Also, I am eating my full meal plan and enough so that can’t be it….

Should I go get another round of blood tests?

Has anyone else experienced this kind of fatigue in recovery and what did you do about it?

Thanks <3

I feel motivated to starve with the intention of suicide. Not even to be skinny but just to die. Why do I even want to die? I don’t even know. Anyone else?

I’ve had disordered eating my entire life and my husband of ten years knows this. The other night we were eating dinner and I told him I was going upstairs to our bedroom to chill after dinner and asked him when he’d be up and he said “Sorry I don’t inhale my food like you do.” I sort of lost it. I felt like he should’ve realized that would trigger me after being married so long and he couldn’t understand why it brought me to tears. Since then he’s been accusing me of unfairly being upset at him for “every little thing.” I just need to know that I am not blowing this out of proportion. The word choice? What do you all think?

Also sorry if this needed any TW label that I missed. I’m new to the group and needed somewhere to vent to people who’d understand my point of view.

been cry laughing for a while now but atleast i was hot enough to drop a selfie when shit went wrong now i can barely look at myself in the mirror this SUCKS ASS lol bye 🤍🤍🤍🤍

It just sh!t myself. Yep, that’s it. I pooped myself. I thought it would never happen to ME but it did. Brand new low 🥳

was hanging out at my friends place & brought my snack container with a rice cake and 4 slices of apple. at some point I ate it in front of him and then like 30 minutes later I tell him I'm hungry and he hits me up with "what do you mean? you've just had breakfast!"

🥲 am I crazy for still wanting to eat after half an apple and a rice cake? this made me feel so guilty. im just never gonna eat in front of him. or ever

ive had the worst relapse recently and I swear this guy is not helping. at some point I told him about my history of EDs but then a few days later he was bragging about how much weight he lost recently 😭 and he's such a good guy otherwise. sigh. why do men

Genuinely, I used to be skinny. I was at a low bmi and every pic I took, I was super super skinny. Now that I’m at a healthy weight it makes me sad. I used to eat under 700 calories a day, and I’d walk constantly for hours until my legs were numb, and also people would be constantly worried about me. Fml, it’s unhealthy but I miss it anyway, I miss how my clothes used to fall off of me, and my stupid ass antipsychotics make me very hungry

Has anyone else weight restored because of b/p ing and started struggling with bulimia after restriction? If so, how did/did you get better? Did it change? I honestly feel worse than when I was severely u/w and such a failure for not being as ‘good’ as having an ED as I used to and I cannot silently struggle like this for much longer 😭

I've been diagnosed when I was underweight, but I'm not anymore. I used to starve myself but I can't anymore. The only form of exercise I do is walking >!30k!< steps a day, and even if I restrict, it's still my maintenance. I just wanna die because my ed program starts tomorrow and I don't feel valid enough to go.

idk if anyone else is as scared of this as i am. it hasnt happened to me yet thankfully, but im just so scared. i know its inevitable and will eventually happen unless i eat an adequate amount of food but i feel like i really cant give up on fasting either. i take so many supplements with promises to boost metabolism hoping theyll work, specially since im not THAT active. (i do a few sports but theyre all moderately slow paced at my level at least, and other than excercise im literally in bed all day and wont even get up to get water and just store water, diet coke and all my supplements next to my bed..)

i know eating is probably whats gonna help my metabolism in the long run but eating regularly is so scary and even when i end up doing it after fasting for a while i feel so guilty and usually either purge or fast again hoping to "make up" for it. plus i havent started plateauing yet, but god am i terrified of when i will.

I’m at a point where I’m not loosing anymore and it’s stressing me out. Today I started taking extra synthroid (I have hypothyroidism). If it makes my thyroid hyper, the side effects can be WL. I know it’s stupid. Has anyone does this and what happened?

pls help me so I regurgitate, (bring food back up) and swallow back down I know it sounds gross please dont judge. and I just searched It up on this website and apparently when you do that it makes you consume some of the calories again. and Im freaking out. im so confused. is this true?

I'm currently experiencing disordered eating. I eat one meal a day, but not every day and nothing else. I really overthink in relation to my weight and could go like 3 days without food if I wanted to be slimmer for a certain party etc.

Despite this, I feel perfectly fine. I'm on Erasmus, I have made so many new friends, I'm doing well academically and have such an active social and dating life. I'm genuinely feeling really great and confident all the time. I'm slightly underweight. The only physical change is that I am much more lightweight when I drink, so I drink less now.

I feel like on paper I should be depressed, anxious etc. I have been depressed before and my weight really got me down before I began disordered eating. But I'm really happy with my body and my life in general. I get loads of compliments too on my body now and this fuels my disorder. I don't want to recover and start eating more and regaining the weight because I'll start to feel like shit again if so.

is less likely to cause weight. I need anxiety medications because it's gotten significantly harder to function, and I know that I am not ready to recover yet, either.

idk if this should be a wake up call.

yesterday was my friends bachelorette party. it was quite a hectic day from start to finish, as we had to travel, decorate, etc. before meeting the bride and her sisters at a restaurant. essentially i woke up at around 8am to have breakfast, drove two hours to get there, and by the time we had finished decorating and took the bus downtown to the restaurant, it had already been quite a few hours since i last had anything eat.

we were literally at the door of the restaurant and i had just stepped in when i blacked out. woke up extremely confused after a minute or two, didn't recognise the people around me, didn't recognise the bride even though she's a very good friend. i had no idea what had just happened, i just found myself on the floor. an ambulance was called and i had no clue why they were there to get me until i properly got myself back to normal again and i was told that during the time i was out i had some kind of seizure/convulsions which is why they then needed to take me to the ER to get monitored.

they took blood tests and vitals, even an MRI but found nothing. i will get a followup appointment to my local neurologist to figure out if it's anything serious. but doctor's only guess essentially was that because i hadn't eaten since the morning (it was probably 8-9pm at that point) it triggered some kind of episode. i had to spend 6 hours in ER before i was allowed to leave and now i'm also not allowed to drive a car for 3 months.

so like idk maybe try to take care of yourselves

I’m going to expose everything about myself here because it’s too much to keep in and I feel so shitty.

I exploit DoorDash and Uber eats. Exploit as in I report food as undelivered because I’m 17 and still don’t have a job. I use my parents credit card to pay then get a refund for free food. I’ve done this 3 times now despite knowing that it affects the drivers and it’s so shitty of me I know. I’m a scumbag but I don’t know, like I just can’t stop anymore

On Friday I ordered $80 of sweets. I ate 1 entire container of Ben & Jerry’s and some ruffles before going to the toilet and c/sing a 3 double caramel ice cream bars, an entire massive cheesecake, and toblerone cheesecake with Nutella. I hated myself so much by the end of it I started to cry

Yesterday I didn’t get to continue it because my mom was home. Funny how that’s the only thing stopping me because when I move out next year for university I know it’s over for me. My mom just so happened to use my bathroom and scrubbed the toilet with that cleaner thingy, but I used it the day before to clean the chocolate stains from the toilet. My mom exploded at me saying I cut myself and how the chocolate stains from the cleaner was old blood. But it wasn’t, but like, how was I supposed to tell her I spent 2 hours on the floor on Friday shoving cake into my mouth then spitting it out over the toilet?

Today I just ate half a chocolate cake and c/sed the rest. I feel so sick I want to die. Then I went to put this container with the rest in my drawer and the containers from Friday are gone. My heart dropped so far I don’t know what to do when my mom comes home because I know she found them while looking for blades because I’ve been cutting myself a lot lately

I used to be anorexic and didn’t eat any junk food at all. I don’t know what happened to me. It hurts so much, how did I become such an insatiable pig

so i cant summarise this into a single google search, I've tried and just been swarmed with helplines so here I am - my understanding is that binging is overeating and eating even when you feel full, but is it a gradual thing over the course of a day or a few hours, and is it like the classic film representation of sitting infront of a fridge for an hour and just eating and eating and eating or more like countless trips to the fridge/food source throughout the day? this feels like a stupid question since I binge but i still dont know how its actually defined because google just assumes i want tips on how to binge

I just ate so stupid amounts of food but I’m staying with family at the minute, so I can’t purge and it’s genuinely eating me alive. I feel humongous and purging all of it out alls I can think about. Any tips to distract myself are appreciated plz before I go crazy

Some of my friends know about my bulimic behaviours, and the other day I walked into the kitchen, and a friend was there and she told me about how the way I’ve been acting looked similar to how her friends did when they had Ed’s and were ill and that she was worried. I literally just stood there blankly like a fucking idiot. I had no words. I literally stood there holding a bowl of fucking noodles in my hand like an idiot, and then she proceeded to talk about how my roommate heard me puking in the bathroom. I’m beyond embarrassed. And I just stood there. Like a fucking idiot. And part of me is angry because my ed isn’t even that bad compared to everyone else on here, and the fact that she said I was ill pissed me off because I’m not. I wouldn’t describe my supposed eating disorder as an illness. I feel good when I do what I do. And I feel fine. I’m a healthy weight now so why does it matter. Yeah I know it’s probably bad or whatever but I don’t care. I know deep down that I’m completely delusional, and that it’s bad and blah blah blah, but I don’t want help because I’m not skinny anymore, and because I’m not skinny anymore, I don’t want to give this up. I’m sitting in my room afraid to walk into my kitchen because I’m afraid she’s going to be there. I just want to be left alone so I can do and eat whatever the hell I want to, which was also part of the reason why I was so adamant about going to university in the first place I will admit. I’m a bit euphoric about nothing right now and hey my life is a joke :)

So I’m at a point in my ED right now where it’s genuinely seriously starting to affect my health and ability to function, but I feel like I can’t do anything to change by myself. I’ve talked to a counselor, who recommended inpatient as a way of getting out of all-consuming habits, specifically a 3-6 week program focused on weight restoration / medical intervention, with groups and therapy involved as well.

I’m kind of at a loss though - on the one hand, I’m really done with feeling sick and tired all the time, while on the other, completely losing control and being forced into doing that which I fear most seems unfeasable, especially if its not going to help in the long run, or make my situation worse. Would any of y’all have experiences to share of going inpatient, and whether you found it helpful or detrimental? Thanks folks. I honestly don’t even know what to do at this point, any word of advice is appreciate.

Fear of water, yeah it's so real and exhausting, it's the water weight. No I'm not in recovery, but I'm THIRSTY. Idk if there is medical stuff I need to look out for but I need to start hydrating myself but holy shit water weight. Someone pls help me. Yeah eds are harmful but so is dehydration. Pls, anyone related?

I just came out of a really intense semester and we’re on break rn, so it might be that, but lately I just… don’t care. after months of raging bulimia and suicidality I suddenly don’t have any appetite??? I just don’t feel really intensely about ANYTHING anymore, but before this I was extremely anxious and had huge mood swings. Is this what being on (good) antidepressants feels like??? What the hell?

ive been not eating at all for about >!4!< days now and normally after a day of not eating I lose about >!300-500g!< but since thursday ive been the same weight or even gone up on the scales by about >!200g!<. i feel so stuck, is it possible that my body just /cant/ lose any more? or is this dumb ana brain thinking lmfao I can’t tell anymore

Tw, I can’t explain it but like when my stomach feels flat and empty I feel productive and want to study more etc and just feel better in a way? But when I binge or just eat I feel like I ruined my day and can’t do anything when I’m bloated and feel terrible mentally and physically, like so disgusted with myself. Idk if it’s just me or what

I'm in very dark place mentally lately, and although I've always had an issue with food recently I started to use it as a distraction from sadness and anxiety. I try to eat very little so that i'm more hungry and i think only about it.

for some background my worst time of restriction was around summer of this year although i think i was only ever VERY slightly underweight and i never cut my calories a crazy amount i just exercised a lot, now im on the low end of a healthy bmi but i still have a shit relationship with food (i eat enough to maintain the healthy weight). why cant i stop thinking about eating? it's like its the only thing that can bring me joy. restricting and overeating are the only good things in my life. literally what do you at this stage? do you eat? do you not eat? i've tried both, and neither have made the thoughts go away. i feel absolutely doomed lmfao

i overate today idk if i would call it a binge but i ate a LOT of sweets to the point of being extremely full, there was not even a trigger i was just hungry, i ate a normal meal, then i started eating too much. not even this stopped the food thoughts, i still want food. what the fuck is wrong with me dude idk obviously the right thing is not to eat but god fucking damn will it ever end????? it doesnt help that my hunger cues are really messed up, i dont know when i should and shouldnt eat. i feel hunger but sometimes it just doesnt happen and i get so anxious. i make myself get 10k steps a day which has increasingly been set to a higher goal or i feel super anxious, but i'm going to try to stop that. the reason i get 10k steps is so that i can eat a bit more without feeling bad, a very stupid reason that really highlights my eating obsession lol.

i want to find joy in other parts of my life, why is food interfering with my ability to function SO much? what do i do to make it go away this is daily mental torture i dont want to think about food all of the damn time