Wherein our intrepid heroes descend into The Forge of Fury!

We got the entire party together for the first time in months.  Previous side quests and filler adventures meant there was a lot of catching up to do, story wise.

Next big story step is to follow up with the band of Orcs that has been marauding in the area. In previous session, the players parlayed with the Leader of the Orc warband at the abandoned temple,  and are now heading off to The Forge of Fury, where the orc tribes are trying to find weapons that will help them fight against the Shadow Fey that is menacing their tribes in the great marsh.

Party decides since they have an invitation they should walk right up and introduce themselves. The Bard has apparently been planning a big speech to convince the Orcs to ally with them against the shadow fey and Sun elves of the Silver spires (The campaign's big bad).  The two guards at the front door…  Wark and Thark pretend they don’t know what th party is talking about… but they might accept a bribe…  The gnome cleric is ready for bribery… she has brought a backpack full of Psychoactive Mushroom bread, hoping to set up a distro deal with the Bloodfang orc tribes.  The soon to be stoned Guards lead them into Area 3, and pass them off to two other guards at the bridge.

Our winged  Fey'ri is really excited to fly across the chasm, and everyone else trails along behind on the rope brige. Soon the guards are taking them to Area 5, where the Captain they had previously met/fought tells them that an agreement of some kind can be made, but they have to convince the warband’s leader.  

The two humans in the cages clamor for help. The party gives them some food and mushroom bread, but otherwise does not help them. They do ask the Orc Captain about them who sighs and explains that they were captured on a raid on the Caravan road, and were going to be ransomed, but the lieutenant in charge of the ransom project was killed, and now nobody really wants to take over the project, and it hasn’t been decided if the human prisoners will be eaten, or killed or released. Captain says dismissively “anyone who would surrender, rather than die in battle deserves what they get.”  which was meant to be ironic, because this very captain surrendered to the party… but that little irony went over the party’s (and the captain’s)  head.

Party crowds into Ulfe’s chamber.  Everyone says hi to his dire wolves. The bard makes their big pitch about working together against common enemies… securing weapons for the tribe as a show of good faith so that the Bloodfang tribe of the Great marsh the free ones can work together against their common enemies.. The shadow fey, and the Sun elves!  The bard player has written down this speech is reading from it. Other player asks  “Did you actually plan this, and write it down in advance!?" 

I’m so impressed with the players' prep work, that I don’t even have them do a persuasion roll. Automatically succeed. Well done.  I probably should have given an inspiration point as well. I Will do that retroactively. 

Ulfe explains that the weapons cache they need is several levels down… there are Troglodytes that need to be killed, and Dwarves that need to be bargained with… The reason he is willing to accept the party's help is because he believes the party will be more likely to get more and better weapons, rather than the Orcs attacking the dwarves… You bring us the weapons, and we will then work together to kill the shadow fey.  Ulfe then sniffs, and asks about the sword that the Paladin has (the sword was gift from the dead paladin from an earlier adventure.)  “This is a shadow fey weapon!  Why do you bring it here?”

Party stammers about dead paladins and tombs and the warlocks patron… Ulfe interrupts “Are you using the enemies own weapons against them?  Ha!  Ulfe approves of this!” The fighter realizes the war party captain is an ogre and not an orc, and can’t help but  make a comment “you’re lucky your not an orc!” in reference to the curse he received during his “Tomb of the Risen Son” adventure, the curse that makes him really really really appealing to orcs.  Ulfe looks at him and says in a gravely, but laughing voice… “No… little blue demon thing.   YOU are lucky that *I’m* not an orc.”  There is a hint of some sexual violence here that should probably be behind the veil.  But my inappropriate fighter gets the hint.  Ulfe continues to laugh, and sends them on their way, to be guided to the stairs by the Captain.

As the party enters the room with the stairs, I have them interrupted by the Shaman and her two guards, who insist on talking to them before they descend… 

“Our tribe’s god Gruumsh One Eye has told me of your coming.  Come closer.  I want to talk to you… the one who stinks of Beast-Fey… (points at warlock).  What do you plan to do? What is your role in this?  Warlock explains that his patron is an enemy of the shadow fey.

“And you… the sun elf… You are a traitor to your own kind? What do you hope to accomplish?”

Sun elf cleric stammers about pan-elven unity, and uniting all the elves together… the Sun Elf separatist ideology goes against his god's teachings.

The shammon nods happily… “You will bring civil war and strife to the elves!  Gruumsh approves of this! Go then, with Gruumsh’s blessing. Go into the depths and return with the weapons that will seal the doom of the enemies of the Bloodfang tribe!”

Party descends and enters the first cave. The warlock’s fey dragon familiar scouts along the narrow “stream” cavern… they get a good view of the cave, but the dragon is killed by an unknown entity. 

A new, rather grumpy fey dragon is summoned, who then scouts the other passage.  There are some back and forth discussions about which passage to take, but eventually they go down the passage where the fey-dragon wasn’t killed… where they are attacked by Stirges. The gnome cleric is relieved that there is finally something to fight.  The strige’s latch-on-and-suck-blood attack kind of surprises them, but they are even more surprised by how few hitpoints the stirgies have.  Fighter decides to get cute and punches the stirge but misses.  Enjoy the extra 5 points of blood sucking, my dude! 

Now they head down the North East tunnel, off to area 21, where they see the long upward sloping passageway north, and where they smell all the terrible smells (“it really stinks in here guys. Just awful!”). They start searching and are surprised by the first Troglodyte who attacks. 2nd troglodyte releases the bear who runs directly at the fighter who is blocking the tunnel from the cage.  Hmmm.  Do a strength vs strength saving throw to see if you are knocked out of the way of the charging bear.  Fighter is knocked down, but Bard says Wait a minute! I cast unsettling words… on the bear.  Which is funny for a couple of reasons.

First, it's funny because I-the-DM screwed up the ruling on this. Unsettling Words is not supposed to be cast AFTER a creature makes a savings throw you don’t like… its supposed to be cast BEFORE the creature makes a save… so if you are casting a save or suck spell, cast unsettling words before you cast the save or suck, on your target, and boom… target is far more likely to be affected by your (or someone else's) save or suck spell.  But… I treated it like silvery barbs, and let them unsettle the bear affter the fact.  LOL me.

So now the bear FAILS its contested save against the fighter and is stopped dead, in front of the fighter.  This is hilarious because I was going to have the bear run straight up the long rising tunnel towards the cave exit  and GTF away from the troglodytes who had imprisoned it.  Instead the bear is stopped dead.  It attacks the fighter and does a lot of damage. Oops. Fighter grimaces at the bard, but stands and fights… blowing both Action Surge AND second wind.  Cleric and bard both cast healing spells while the Fighter goes toe-to-to with this bear.  Did I mention it was a cave bear?

Rest of Party is getting into it with the Troglodytes while the Fighter holds the bear in one place.  After the first couple of of rounds, the Fighter becomes oddly obsessed with the troglodyte genitalia. “Do troglodytes have their balls on the outside or on the inside?”  My spidey sense is telling me he’s planning on taking testical trophies. I give the cave bear an extra 20 hit points in response to this question. Karma is a bitch, and so am I, my dude. 

When party finally burns down the two Trogs, and the cave bear, I explain that the rotting,  terrible stench they smelled when entering the cavern wasn’t from the bear, or the bear’s cage, but rather from the Trogs themselves.  The fighter says “oh. I guess I won’t try to take any trophies then.”

Fey-dragon scouts the first southern passage, and the corpse covered in yellow mold is found.   They have the dragon land on the corpse and the poison mold kills the fey dragon familiar.  An even grumpier fey dragon is summoned, and while they are trying to come to a consensus (they are discussing who can crate fire to burn away the mold, etc), the gnome cleric declares  “I walk into the cave and touch it..I take the sword.” I suspect the gnome is bored and in a bad mood.. So I ask if they are sure, and they say yes. Okay. take some poison damage, and every minute afterwards take some more damage and do a constitution savings throw. I ask if anyone has cure poison, or lesser restoration. Nobody does. 

So the description in the text says if you succeed in your con saving throw you take half damage, and it doesn’t say anything about removing the poisoned condition. I don’t think anyone in the party has lesser restoration, and I don’t think a healing potion will do. Since I don’t actually want the gnome to die, I have the poison condition be removed after the first successful save, while still taking the half damage. 

Congratulations! You have found one of the first “special weapons” that bears the maker marks you are looking for.  Durgeddin's smith-mark. I don’t think we ever actually had a discussion about what exactly these magic weapons that the orcs wanted were going to look like. So I’m just going to slip this in there… Any weapons with the  Durgeddin's smith-mark marks are the special anti-shadow faey weapons that the orcs want.

Cleric petulantly declares that the orcs aren’t getting the sword.. “It’s mine!  I took the poison damage. I’m keeping it!”  Oooookayyyyy.  Warlock sighs… “You can’t even use a sword.”  “I don’t care! Replies the gnome. “It’s mine!” 

Moving right along, we take the OTHER southern tunnel and head into the really really big damn cavern.  I describe the door in the south… but the fighter is more interested in the ledge to their immediate left… I can fly up to the ledge, right?  Uhhh… yeah, sure.  He flys up to ledge and goes to rear of area 26, and takes the gnome with him… He’s got a thing about flying the gnome around to different places… as they are looking through the loot, the two gricks who were hiding along the ledge leading up to the lair emerge and attack them.   Everyone still in area 24 hears the screams and comes running… they sprint right to the beginning of the pathway leading up… and are attacked by 2 more gricks.

The fight with the gricks is a grind… I kind of like the “1 attack, plus a second if the first attack hits” mechanic.  “They have BEAKS!?  Wtf is up with that.” is the general party consensus.  

Eventually all the gricks die.  Scale mail armor in back of lair, and the some  gold and silver is gathered up for. Fighter has half plate.  Maybe pali or one of the clerics will like it?  Not reall sure, but this is why goddess made bags of holding, i guess.

As for the gold… the fighter says “I get to keep all the gold, right?”

“Sure..  Of course.  No problem.” I respond.  At least he’s not trying to collect grick Testicals.

And thats a wrap. Grick lair is a really good place to take a long rest.  Pack up your dice, and I'll See you all in a couple of weeks!

Be me playing a elven fire planar shepherd from the plane of fire in Dnd 3.5

My dm had a broken bridge with a lava beneath it. After my party taking a while to decide what to do, I decide I’m just going to walk across the lava.

Planar shepherds have complete immunity to their plane, in this case fire, and I figured the heat wouldn’t bother me. My home plane is hotter.

My dm said as soon as out stepped on to the lava I sank in and died. I said lava is way denser than my elf Druid and I should be a able to walk across it. He said no, I sank in and died from suffocating.

My Druid died walking in their home turf. I quit shortly after.

//I’m not sure if this is a green text, but my friend who was there brings it up to new people we meet, and they troll me. And ask why I thought I could walk on liquid. Lava is 3x denser than water. It’s still rock. Rock is incredibly dense.

Thanks for coming to my green text Ted talk.

We started our session and two of the guys went down stairs to make pizza. We got into a discussion about Italian food and I said in my sleep “SOMEBODY HAWK MY TUA” and the DM got so mad he forced me to roll for a Constitution saving throw which I lost so my HP was reduced from 19 to 17 for the rest of session. FML /s

This happened over the weekend, thought it was worth sharing here. Needless to say, I want to play DnD again soon lol

.

->Oneshot Campaign (Lvl 6)
->Be me. Haven't played DnD in almost 10 years, just came back from competitively fighting with a katana so I made a Samurai Fighter
->Made a serious name "Sendo Nakamura", but everyone's character had a name related to a dick joke so my name was changed to "Sendo Nudamura"
->Start with 0 Gold as a new character
->Saved two NPC Gnome bards and their Clockwork raccoon from large burrowing bugs for First Encounter
->First attack roll was a Nat20, resulting in an epic introduction, rest of the fight dice rolled nicely
->Reach town, there's a big festival to show off a huge Fortress with spider legs (Howl's Moving Fortress) with games and winnable prizes
->Entire party except me gambles or enjoys the festival stalls
->Go on stage to perform with the Gnome Bards saved from earlier, +4 Performance
->Performance is a hit and people request an encore, so full Kabuki Theatre ensues
->Keep rolling and performing until less than a 15 is rolled
->14 encores later, everyone playing gets hyped and starts cheering "SEND NUDES! SEND NUDES! SEND NUDES!"
->Go from being a broke ronin to a local star performer, pocketed ~750 gold
->Town gets disrupted as the Fortress gets stolen by evil Gnomes. Gnome bards disappear into the crowd
->After a Chase scene and a few battles, we face the BBEGnome
->Tough battle, everyone is close to dying and a group of enemies are trying to bust down the door to the room
->Door busts open but someone in our party has a Gem of Brightness and blinds the mob
->4 person party. Wizard blinding the enemy group, Rogue attacking one of the Healers, Paladin attacks the other Healer, Samurai is left facing off with the BBEG
->Before the attack roll on the BBEG, everyone in the group starts cheering "SEND NUDES! SEND NUDES! SEND NUDES!"
->Nat20. Finishing blow lands, the enemy group opens their eyes to see their leader down and they all surrender
->Campaign ends with the Samurai now with a hefty bag of ~1500 gold, staring blankly at a poster that was made of him and his gnome buddies onstage "Send Nudes with the Gnomies"

->Core memory unlocked

This Fartbuckle meme got me thinking about all the different characters that have appeared in my games and what truly makes a great NPC in D&D. I’ve written about what I believe are the key elements for creating memorable NPCs here, including a deep dive into Fartbuckle as an example.

What NPCs have stood out in your adventures, and what made them so unforgettable? What ended up happening to them?

Campaign: Strixhaven. It's about studying in magic academy. The plot is, everything in the academy goes wrong, and it is caused by a group of evil mages named Oriq who want to close the academy and kill half of the students to summon a Blood Avatar. The Oriq set up a social movement, "Strixhaven Saviors", to recruit students with bad attendance into their ranks.
One of its key members is Terrence the Tortle who was supposed to be a one-tone bully. When roleplaying Terrence, I try to copy Alex Jones' manerisms to the best of my ability. Some things Terrence done to PCs so far:

• Denied players' findings and said that university administration poisons water to make everyone gay (the water is actually tainted by aboleth and players know it, but they still agreed that his version makes more sense).
• Didn't let owlin druid into the dorms because he was late. "Despite being a vile half-beast, nobody gives you permission to push your owl agenda down out throats". Terrence is a tortle.
• Repeatedly insulted warlock for having short red hair. Tricked her into getting into a cage with a mimic, which almost killed her.
• Petitioned to ban alcohol to "prevent females from growing beards like those creepy dwarves want".
• Called an elf some choice words for dating a human. Asked if she is going to open a pizza parlor on campus when she graduates to keep hooking up with students having shorter lifespans.
• Called dead PC weak.
• Bullied one of PC's beloveds for being in rainbow mafia.
• After players spent a month in frog form, he made croaking sounds to make fun of them.

Last session they ran into Terrence who was recruiting into Strixhaven Saviors. He was giving a speech about "talentless mages from material plane diluting the pure magic of this place" and trying to convince onlookers that non-locals should be more scrutinized, if not outright kicked out. All the PCs are from material plane. What was supposed to happen was they would argue with him, and Terrence would start a fight. Instead, they agreed with each of his points and after I got tired of insulting them they ended up enlisting into his organization. So... They skipped a combat encounter, and now they are in Oriq. I guess they'll run a couple quests with him and by the end of current adventure he will betray them.

When asked out of characters they said that "the guy is a bit (!) rude, but at least he seems reasonable".

tl;dr I make a character who is a shitty bigoted turtle as a miniboss. Players go full pickme and join an organization which explicitly wants them segregated or dead.

Just had an amazing ending to a dnd session, feel like I gotta share.

Some background: A while back, some party members robbed a flying casino we were in, that also used mystical and mundane creatures in comically large hamster wheels for power. They made it out with a bunch of money, but were also busted on the way out so the owner was hunting us down. He eventually kidnapped my character's terminally ill sister to use as a hostage, resulting in our party fighting him and some of his crew to the death in an arena within the casino. We won, and this is what happened immediately afterwards

Be me: half-elf fighter with a bow

Be not me: satyr artificer, goliath barbarian, and changeling warlock/rogue

As the fight ends, we realize that one of the people we killed was the person who was previously in charge of the animals and maintenance.

Artificer makes a roll based on what he saw when he visited that area before (before he robbed the place with the warlock), says we have roughly half an hour of power, after that the casino will fall

Party splits up, warlock wants to rob the place again, artificer wants to free the animals, I recruit the barbarian to find my sister

Artificer goes first

Rushes to generator room to free animals

DM informs him that will cause the power to fail very quickly

He frees the animals anyway and then jumps on a wheel and breaks into a full sprint on it

He has to make con checks for the most of rest of the story to keep running

Me and the barbarian are next, he just breaks down multiple walls to make the search faster

Eventually find her, we rush back to the exit elevator

Elevator almost instantly fills with animals

I leave with them, barbarian stays as theres no more room

Warlock is running around the ship grabbing everything that seems valuable and isn't nailed down looking for the vault

Eventually finds it, cracks it, and runs back to the exit

Artificer finally fails a con check after giving himself a level of exhaustion

As he stops running, DM informs us that the casino is now out of power

The three still inside must make a skill check (of their choice) to escape as the crowd of spectators who was watching out fight are also trying to run to the exits

Barbarian goes first, opts to do an athletics check to just run and shove everyone out of the way

Artificer is second, since the area is also a workshop for the maintenance guy he rolls intelligence to attempt and put together a jetpack type thing to get to the exit as his legs are barely functioning by this point

Almost fails due to a nat 1, but has the lucky feat

Slaps together a barely controllable mess somewhat resembling a jetpack and flies off in the general direction of "out" at mach 3

Warlock is next, he's made his way close to the exit but there's a massive crowd blocking the way

He uses major illusion and his insanely high deception to create a fake exit further away and tell people to go there instead

Rolls a 28, everyone rushes to the fake exit just in time to hear "ₐₐₐₐₐₐₐaaaaaAAAAAA" as our artificer whizzed by and flew out the exit before crashing

We all make it out, but the fates of everyone tricked into running to the fake exit is left unknown

My friend was telling me about a person he knew in college that posted a story about a player of his. This would have been 2011-2013. The character's name was Avel Cordeth (sp?), he was a Mary Sue/chosen one elf that was a part of a special race of elves, the previous one chosen ones were his tutors/spirit guides. He was born with a special eye color to show that he was a chosen one.

When he went to be initiated as a chosen one, his spirit guardian refused to train him. His people decided to kill him in order to bring about the next incarnation of chosen one, he ended up running away.

He spent his life training with a bunch of different races in order to gain benefits from them, such as crafting from the gnomes, smithing from the dwarves, and so on. The player gave himself titles for each one, like ingenuity of humans and the agility of the elves. Due to the collective experience he gained he was known as something along the lines of The Warrior of a Thousand Years. My friend doesn't remember if this was the exact title, but it was something similar.

His starting equipment contained an adamantine goliath great hammer, he justified having this due to his training with the goliaths.

After running away his spirit guardians decided to talk to him.

All of this is somewhere between level one and four, my friend doesn't remember the exact level.

Another player in the campaign was a stay-at-home dad who decided to become an adventurer to try to make ends meet.

I was hoping someone hear would have heard mention of this nightmare, I would love to read it.

> be me
> first time playing dnd
> campaign is a oneshot battle royale against other players
> characters are predetermined and all level 15
> pick the human fighter
> name him harry seraphim
> get teleported to arena and told to be the last one standing
> roll 1 on initiative
> watch others take turns
> my turn
> get teleported to the middle of the arena
> wants to not fight
> voice in my head tells me to fight
> slaps myself
> take six damage
> voices stop
> walk away
> end turn
> get stabbed in the back
> get shot by a laser
> get struck by lightning
> take 100 damage in one turn
> get command spelled to grovel
> my turn
> walk away from chaos and cry in pain
> end turn
> players begin rebelling against dm
> destroying the arena and killing the crowd
> bbeg shows up
> players attack bbeg
> bbeg is weakened
> my turn
> harry is pissed
> backflips to bbeg
> great axes bbeg 3 times in a z formation
> roll high
> bbeg dies
> characters go home
> gg

Wanna try something else cuz all my PCs have been either using an xbow or a halberd for PAM and stuff then I thought

"hmm... I guess I COULD try a wizard... "

The wizard in question: Bladesinger

Me: "... Wait... Something ain't right..."

Realization hits

Me: "... Well... It's a step..."

I am trying to share one of my all time favorite greentext posts with some friends, but after looking for over an hour, I cannot find it. It was a story about a low int wizard. I'm pretty sure he was an orc. And he had a bunch of improvised spells, none of which I can remember after all these years. The only part I remember was the "wizard" ending things with his greatest spell, "Me bomb". I know it's not a lot to go on,but my Google Fu is exhausted, so I'm hoping someone else remembers this piece of gaming history.

Be the party, facing down an impossibly ancient and powerful spirit.

See the Barbarian, whom the great spirit is threatening to possess and use as a tool for evil

Understand that the Barbarian had already been possessed once this arc, was very emotionally invested in this scene.

Also understand the Barbarians player often has no co trol or understanding of what comes out of his mouth.

Qouth the barbarian;

"If you are planning to come inside me, then you better be ready. Because let me tell you something, someone already came inside me once today; and I'm feeling pretty damn full "

Cue the session breaking down into hysterics and the DM calling for a pause to mentally recover.

So... yeah. The current setting is in a school, its not strixhaven, but its also not-not strixhaven. I'm using strixhaven as a baseline, calling it something else, and assembling the classes differently. Anyway, one of my players is a wild magic sorc, with a goat as a familiar because they wanted to make satanic sacrifices and have it be the same goat every time, but the goat remembers every time he gets sacrificed so it's just an increasingly harried goat with PTSD.

Anyway, in class he had a wild magic surge. It was a fade-to-black, everything goes back to normal at the end of a trying episode type ending. I forgot what he rolled so I just said "fuck it" and told him you don't notice the effect. When we came back, I had him still in that class, and suddenly his familiar is speaking, helping him with his classwork. He goes to thank the familiar who, didn't realize he was helping him with his classwork, or could talk now. And so the two of them stared at each other and started screaming because TALKING GOAT?!?

Anyway, so through the rest of that session the warlock is trying to reverse it, but the goat is as high level a sorcerer as the PC is, so he counterspells every attempt to turn him back, until the player gave up and summoned a new familiar, a pig.

Because they don't really know what else to do, the goat gets enrolled in classes and periodically he just shows up in their story, offering context, trying to solve some mystery or another that the PCs have no idea about.

One time, they came out of a particularly brutal fight (I reflavored the stat block for vecna and had him summon clones of himself). Theyre walking out of a secret passageway when they see the goat asking a student out on a date (she said yes).

Last session, they were walk-and-talking through the halls after lunch about how Lord Abraxas came back from the dead, given that they destroyed his phylactery, when they hear an explosion. They run to go see what's up and see that the goat is standing over the girl's limp form. She has a hole in her chest and another student is standing there with a wand pointed at both of them. The goat goes berserk, risking life and limb to stop his attacker, when he realizes that the attacker was a mimic the whole time.

Anyway, I just thought it was funny and thought I'd share.

I am in a Spelljammers DND campaign with 5 other people.

We were in a wizard's tower, and the wizard in the campaign ran a magic shop, so he decided to ask a sort of supercomputer thing if he could use the magic items and the supercomputer itself for his shop.

I decided to blurt out "SEDUCE THE SUPERCOMPUTER"

And then the DM went "THERE ARE NO BARDS IN THIS CAMPAIGN"

And we all had a good laugh. Just wanted to share this.

Was running a one shot last night with four players (Minotaur Barbarian, Halfling Druid, Shadar-Kai Rouge, Drow Rogue) and our party had just come off a pretty unlucky fight with three zombies.

The tavern they needed to go to in order to find the macguffin had two skeletons prowling inside keeping the owners hostage. The party finds the cellar of the tavern, and when the party rolls investigate, I told them that there was nothing but walls of alcohol and some rats scurrying.

The party puzzles over how to rescue the two people upstairs when the barbarian has the idea to use the rats as a distraction. They rolled a 16 on animal handling, so I was amused, and as a joke described “a tidal wave of 200 rats” coming out from the cellar wall.

This is where I messed up

After rescuing the two, they describe the macguffin being upstairs on the second floor, and that’s when the barbarian gets the idea “Can I have the rats attack the skeletons?”

I was flabbergasted. Rats can do 1D4 biting damage each. Even half would be enough to eviscerate the skeletons. Barbarian rolled same as before, and I describe a swarm of 200 rats gnawing down the two skeletons to dust.

Now I know NOT to describe just how many rats there are

Be me

Dming for the first time

Curse of strahd cool

Death house goes well

Party tries to hook Parriwimple with Ireena.

Party decides to discuss to strahd about giving up ireena at the graveyard

smh

wyd in this situation ?

be me, forever GM

be not me, party of four: Teddy, King, and two irrelevant players

be nearly a year into my “deadly” Western campaign and no deaths yet

theplayersarejustreallygood.jpg

be at the end of a dramatic couple of sessions

big-time morally gray villain managed to gain the sympathies of Teddy

Teddy stole an artifact from the party to give to him

Teddy’s player was not present when this was being discovered (he had decided to do it the week before though)

be King’s player, emotionally conflicted and unsure what their character would do

decides to make a chart of ten possible responses and roll a d10 to determine which one

one of them is #9 “I challenge Teddy to a duel”

make preparations, make sure everyone is okay with this possibility

they are, both duelists have backup characters

letsgogambling.gif

9

awdangit.gif

player suggests adding a music bot for ambient Morricone during the duel

I’m not sure, usually I get distracted by music while I’m gming, but it seems appropriate

the session of the duel is upon us

add the wrinkle that if Teddy dies, the villain will stop plotting until the bbeg (unrelated) is killed

(the party made some good points, with good rolls, about the issues with his plan)

two hours of emotional conversation among the party

genuinely made me cry a little as Teddy said goodbye

the duel begins

manwithaharmonica.mp4

Teddy doesn’t want to shoot

King fires first before he realizes this

the song ends as the first round is resolved

King’s player queues another Morricone song

iltriello.mp4

King demands that Teddy shoots

Teddy refuses

King raises his gun as the music swells

demands that Teddy fight back

Teddy refuses

King yells “I won’t be your executioner!” as the horns blare

mfw I realize that they’ve memorized the song

mfw I realize that they’re timing the emotional outbursts of their monologue to the music

mfw it’s the most dramatic moment I’ve ever gmed for thanks to the music

pic related

be me

party is a group of wild-west era outlaws. main quest is to steal several anti-eldritch weapons from rich and powerful elf families to stop them from using eldritch abominations to start and win a second civil war for the confederacy

a friendly npc got assassinated and we were searching his house for clues

12+ wagons full of pinkertons show up outside and surround the place

we knew it was coming and prepared in advance - dynamite was rigged to the back door

about 7 sticks of it, in fact.

too bad we fucked it up and unintentionally made it on an extremely short fuse & sensitive trigger

badidea.rar

turns out that shit was way stronger than we thought

had some left over so we were chucking it out the windows

each individual stick took out 2-3 wagons by itself

predictably 1 cop tries to sneak in the back and activates the trap

"the dynamite will detonate in 1 round"

fuckingrunforit.jpeg

one of our party members escapes out the window

me and another guy book it and dive into the river behind the house to duck out of the blast

our one remaining party member had gotten KO'd during the fight and was unable to escape

dude gets caught in the explosion

thrown across the battle map

pinkerton wagons and surrounding buildings are now rubble and ashes

only thing left standing was the safehouse across the street - not even singed (place was magically warded)

DM challenges unconscious party member for his survival

contest is simple: party member and DM roll d100s

if the party member rolls higher than the DM he lives

mfw DM rolls a 1

mfw party member rolls a 100

In mythology, oracles will often make prophecies, which come true BECAUSE of someone’s efforts to make the prophecy false.

Character idea: Reverse oracle

You occasionally see potential futures, hut rather than it always coming true, you have to make it come true. If you make a vision come true, you get a large buff. If you fail, you get a mssive debuff.

Imagine this: You go to an oracle to get your future told, and the oracle tells you that your house will burn down. You rush home to try to make sure it doesn’t happen, but when you get there, the oracle is pouring gasoline around your house and lights a match. You try to kill them, but the second the house catches fire and nothing can stop the fire from destroying the house, the oracle suddenly becomes as buff as an orc bodybuilder. You try to run, and the oracle tells you in an ominous voice: “In the near future, you will die from blunt force trauma to your face.” You freeze, shocked, and the oracle starts sprinting at you at mach 2.

be me, observer of an online campaign played by friend.

be not me, the DM, a down on his luck serf, a baroness whose husband ‘mysteriously’ died, and the Lich who overlords the principality.

Serf has lived their entire life on their plot of land, hungry and emaciated. They’re so skinny other players didn’t realize they were a girl until told.

The principality only produces pieces in iron, as a way to make sure the serfs can’t accumulate wealthy and leave. A copper coin from the occasional outsider is a big fucking deal, and people can and have killed for them.

One day a planeswalker comes into town, tossing around gold like he’s Mansa Musa. Some gold ends up with serfs pals, the original other party members players.

Naturally, a fight breaks out and a near party wipe occurs when the trio decide to kill the walker. Take him down, but two players dead.

Surviving player takes their shit, and happens to be literate enough to read through his books. Most of his material is too hard to understand, but serf realizes that travel between worlds is possible, and reads of a world where steel is king amongst coins, not gold.

Serf is captured by guard and brought before the Baroness for judgement. At this point, the players decided to hop into the nearest NPC’s available and got the two most important guys available. DM allowed it because… he’s fucking crazy?

Serf pleads for their life, reveals knowledge they got from dead walker. Lich prince happens to be nearby, having come to personally collect tax from the Baroness as a power play. “I come for what’s mine personally. Don’t fuck with me, I’m a skeleton wizard.”

Lich hears whats revealed, is intrigued. Decides to give serf a chance at survival for the lols, asks them to explain why he shouldn’t kill them and make their corpse a dancing fool.

Serf knows enough about the world that iron can be turned to steel. Tells about world where steel is most valuable metal.

The three together hatch a brilliant, evil fiscal plot: they’ll take a bunch of the excess iron from their hold and convert it to steel, go to this new world, and become filthy fucking rich over there. With the new wealth, Lich can accord better weapons to conquer neighboring despot lands. (World in general is a shithole.)

Lich is able to use walkers materials to construct a portal to this world. They arrive, and are immediately accosted by random adventures, who want fame and glory for killing a lich.

After smoking their asses, party is met by goblins and dragonoids, who after getting intimidated, lead them to their boss, a general of the ‘One Gods’ army.

They agree to help finance this war in exchange for a share of captured goods.

Fellas are now aiding a dark god against the forces of good in the War of the Lance.

Evil is their business, and business is good.

Note: I need to keep track of Gia's equipment better- She is also supposed to have a medium thickness cloth skirt as another leg guard, but as it is probably awkward to mention at this point in the story, will mention it now and move on.

+++

Time Piece: 2/12. Late Morning.

Event Roll: 1d6 vs 4+, 6. Event: Piercing Wind.

Event Time: 1d6, 1. In 1 TP.

Hunger 4/8 -> 3/8

+++

Be me, Sky Gia

Reach the Lake. It's late morn by now.

It's a pretty small one, but it's still in my way. Checking the lake's sides reveals the lake is deep on both, and its right side has rapids.

Luckily...

-1 Fate = 2/3 Fate, intent: Add a minor narrative element: Bridge

...There is a small shabby bridge on the left side's river.

I give its rotten planks a small but firm poke with the butt of my axe, and although its creaky, I try to cross.

At half way point and after a lot of creaking, I hear a crackle of wood under my feet.

Swift Roll: 5d6 vs 4+ = 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 --- 1 Hit, 1 Crit = 3 Successes = Success + Complication

I quickly rush and leap to the other side, feeling a tug on my left foot, but make it there safely.

Then I note that the boot on my left leg is missing.

It is in fact currently getting carried away by the water stream.

I grumble a curse and then look around this side of the lake. I then brighten as I see a small beaten dirt path, half overgrown, leading forward, and a silhuette of what looks like a windmill in the direction where it leads' horizon.

Without a boot, and only mildly starving by now, I continue by following the path along by its side.

Grass is better to walk on than pebble filled dirt.

+++

Time Piece -> 3/12, Early Day.

South East Tile, North-Center Lake -> Center-East Tile, South-Center Plains.

Event: Piercing Wind.

+++

The wind roars, whistles and chills me to my bones. It's early day now, but the Sun up above is cold, even as it shines through the mildly cloudy sky.

I hug myself to try and stay warm. The fact one of my boots is gone doesn't help.

But I'm almost at the windmill now.

There is a field of golden wheat here, and said windmill spins enthusiastically with the high wind.

I note something is off.

There are a lot of bootprints here. Dry but recent blood leading to the mill...

...And a corpse wielding a hatchet heading my way.

My blood boils and quickens.

"UNDEAD BLIGHT!" I screech and charge with my greataxe.

Reaction Roll: Swift 5 vs 4+, 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 = Success

Sky Gia, Melee: 5d6 vs G. Axe Weapon Skill (4+), Proficient (+1 all), Reach (+2 to 1 die): 3 (+2 = 5), 2, 1, 1, 1 = 4 Misses, 1 Hit = 9 dmg (5 + 4 Might Bonus), +5 Blunt Force (3 G. Wep. + 2 Large).

Corpse, Melee: 3d6 vs Axe Weapon Skill (5+), Short (-1 to 1 die) = 1 (-2 = Miss), 1, 2 = 3 Misses.

The Axe connects with the the aberration's chest with a squelch and crack of bone, it swinging its hatchet at me in vain, me then twisting and plunging the axe out. It hits the ground with a thud after, still trying to move even as its spine no longer works.

Worn G. Axe Durability Roll, Low Good, 1d6 vs 5+: 1, Passed.

I note my rusted greataxe is covered in blood, but still has its blade attached. Good.

I then quickly stomp the body's head. It is crushed under my right boot's sole. It will rise no more.

My heart drums. Adrenaline and fury prick my mind.

A faint memory is barely out of grasp in it.

I focus. Whoever did this will have their heads put on a pike.

I take the green and brown cloth clad man's hatchet. The older blade bite across his blood soaked chest means two things.

1. He died a warrior's death, or so I hope.

2. Whoever did this were also armed with blades.

I follow the dirt road's bootprints with haste. I should find them quickly, and probably the dead man's settlement as well.

Be me

Trying to remember my name

Memory is foggy, but I still try...

WIL Roll: 4d6 vs 5+, 2 4 4 6, 2 Hits 1 Crit = 4 = Success

...I manage to retrieve some basic info from my mind.

My name is Sky Gia. Or Sky Giant, originally.

I remember it's more of a nickname. Gia because I'm...Well, big, and sky because I fell out of the sky?

I focus. There must be more to this...

WIL Roll: 4d6 vs 5+, 1 1 3 6, 1 Crit = 2 = Success + Complication

...But I remember how I got my face scar instead.

I see myself facing against a scarred brown bear armed with but a pocket knife.

My adrenaline spikes as it charges.

I fail to dodge.

The feeling of my rended neck and half-gone face lingers as I watch the tiny flames of the fireplace dance.

I'm disquieted, but I keep it together.

The storm has also seemingly subsided, and all my things are relatively dry, including the arming cap on my head. Barely noticed the thing before.

The morning sun is starting to shine mildly. It's early morn.

I pack my things. It's time to go.

I walk out with my axe in hand and helmet on my brow.

I looks around, going to the side of the building to see all directions.

Forward are some plains, a river in the distance, and a raging and colossal mist wall on their horizon.

Left are some more green, wet plains, and a mist wall there as well. Probably from where I came.

Right are some more plains, what looks like a part of the previously mentioned river, and some familiar pine trees on the horizon.

Behind the moldy building, in the distance, I can see what seems to be a lake, river flowing to and from it, one of the sides going into the mist.

I ponder the options. There is probably food in the forest, a tempting thing considering I'm half-starved, but it also holds the high probability of getting lost. The lake both is safer and probably has people or at least some sort of man made construction there.

Where there is water there is life.

Decide to go to see the lake. Best to find locals of...Wherever "here" is.

I don't look back as I leave the Moldy Building.

Minor foreword: This is a solo play I did to try and test/joyride a small ttrpg I scrambled together over the course of 3 years. With that, do enjoy the story.

+++

Be me

Be trekking through the mists

I have no idea why am doing this, or why I must do this, but I move forward

My mind is an empty keg by now. I barely feel my body.

The mists stop, and I realise I can't feel my body on account of being currently in a storm

My limbs are heavy, I can't feel my feet, I can barely see my helmet-covered nose

But I seem to have found a small building

Don't bother knocking, open the door

It smashes onto the floor with a loud thud. Lightning thunders behind me, sending my shadow onto...

...Well, no one, the place is empty, decayed, and the walls and wooden floors filled with black mold

Make my way inside. Something makes me ready my greataxe.

It's a rectangular room, a skeleton is laying against the left wall, and the right side has a passage.

I glare at the skeleton, something about it makes my rage rise, but I move to inspect the passage.

There is a ladder heading up here. Thunder roars up above again, shining light down, making me realise this is a tower, hatch open to the top.

The ladder is...Surprisingly sturdy. But like Hel am I climbing a slippery one upwards.

Some of my body sensations return. I shiver from piercing cold.

Hunger is here too. My armor feels heavy.

My armor is also rusty.

ALL of my armor. Also the greataxe.

I'm also soaked.

Sighing, I make my way back to the main chamber.

I note I have a small satchel. Also there are two weird...Cylinder things with pins tied to the front of my hair.

Something makes me look at the skeleton again. I note how small it is compared to me.

Still hate it for whatever reason. It is also wearing some rusted chainmail and a cone helm; nothing important.

It's also overgrown with black mold, now that my eyes are fine with the dark.

There is also a fireplace with a rotten round shield above it, also overgrown with mold.

...I should depart soon. At least as soon as the storm subsides.

I decide not to waste time and gather some planks for a fire. I shall check my inventory after.

I dump a bunch of the planks into the fireplace. Now let's see if I have a flint and steel...

I put the satchel on the floor, and open it.

There is a large...Revolver inside, yes, that's the name. Its heavy barrel and large grip are quite familiar. I put them in front of me.

It's rusted to hell. But good to have a powerful firearm at the ready.

A roll of clean cloth, soaked.

A small bag. Has 10 gold coins inside, one side a detailed crown and the other a sword. I don't recognize either symbol. They aren't rusted.

The helmet is starting to weigh a bit. I take it off.

Rusted...It's an open helm, having a circle opening at the eye level.

It's covered by several welded metal bars.

I look at the rest of myself.

Rusty steel forearm guards, leather boots, a rusted steel chainmail neck guard...

Aha, a flint and steel!...

...My stomach grumbles. No food.

I sigh again.

I light up the fire. It iluminates myself and the highly explosive darts tied to my long chestnut hair-

Ah. So that's what they were...

...Also, why can I feel saliva on my face?

Touch my face

The right cheek is missing. Also, I feel like I have scars.

...Guess proves my worth as a decent warrior since I'm still alive.

I look at my saliva covered hand

It's actually blood

Oh.

CoughingFit.gif

I take my hand to my neck. The mechanism is still in place beneath the stitches. I will be alive for the next while, but it needs fuel.

I spit out my blood into the fireplace.

I wonder just for how long have I been walking. My limbs are heavy, it feels like I hole in my stomach, I can't even remember my name.

I kneel by the fire.

I will find out. Guess that's my main drive.

be me
thousand year old lich
learn about spellcrafting
it's pretty simple, thank god
just need a reliable website to sell it
start crafting the spell
starts to fail multiple times
goes to check code
tfw I forgot to add material compenents
finally fix the spell
it finally works, unlife is good
post the spell on lich.io
finally.png
go sleep for 3 weeks
go online
see people complain about my spell to the point that they riot
mfw my phylactery gets doxxed and an adventuring party is sent to destroy it

be me

high CHA sorcerer

investigating mercenaries in a shady tavern

buy some of their homemade moonshine and immediately get hammered due to failed CON save

buy a whole bottle of that stuff, dirty unmarked bottle full of clear liquid

approach the mercs while drunk, just ask if there's new business in the area for people like us, I heard some rumors

it actually works, they we drink together and they tell me that the guard boss at the mine is paying very good money for shady work, probably hiring goons for the BBEG

we go to the mine

cast Prestidigitation on the moonshine to make the bottle sparkly clean, cool is down and make it taste like lemonade

disguise as mercenary and head straight to the guard boss

tell him how thankful I am for the job, I really needed the money, as thanks I got him some snacks and my favourite lemonade, super refreshing after a day of work at these temperatures

thanks to the charisma boost from being drunk he takes it and empties the whole bottle

is immediately blackout drunk

the other guards see us and are like "he's drunk AGAIN??? He promised he'd stop!"

I offer to take him home so that the mine boss doesn't see him like that

take him to my home instead, let him rest

he wakes up in my bed tied up like a shibari bunny

we successfully interrogate him to find out the location of the BBEG's hideout

mfw the other players don't want to go to the bar with me any more

• be me, sophomore year of hc
• first time GMing
• 8 freshman are put into my group (school club)
• cry
• write basic plot and watch it all crumble because freshman shenanigans
• improv knowing how to improv because I can’t keep up with game prep (I’m a procrastinator)
• fast forward to the end of the game
• players cheering and screaming at the final boss, everyone happy
• three players approach me
• all say they want me to join their own games bc I inspired them to write their own games
• cry inside
• love my adopted freshmen

IM STILL FRIENDS WITH THEM ALL YEARS LATER AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF MY CHILDREN

I'm like 99% sure I saw it on this subreddit and I remember it was a screenshot, not text.

It's not a horror story in a sense that it isn't presented as such. I think the player in question requests innocent things from the gm step by step and asks innocent questions, then there's peeing involved and then suddenly there's mustard gas.

Can't really think of anything else useful.