Since I have never been to an English-speaking country, let me predict the future of English based on what I hear on the internet. It may get absurd.

Contracting everything

You've certainly at least once seen something like these:

BTW (by the way)

FYI (I suppose it means "for your information", but I'm not sure)

etc.

I suppose there will be more of them, or, to put it in Future English:

ISTWBMOT.

Jokes aside, I expect such contractions:

"Hello, World!" -> HW (hey-wai)

"What's up?" -> WU (woo; if it won't become something like /wəsp/)

"Good morning" -> GM (jim)

He-She merger

Believe or not, but it's not related to any sociopolitical changes. I see hear it even among the conservatives.

So, I see that the "h" in the word "he" is becoming a hushing sound, like /ç/, that is very likely to become the same as "sh" (which I hear even now).

This would make the pronoun "he" fuse with the pronoun "she", thus bringing English closer to Swedish and Dutch, but in the opposite way.

The 'h' in 'his' also likes to become 'sh', that will surely create she's (NOT the same as her)

Weirdly enough, the 'h' in 'him' doesn't follow this pattern (what a based case), and simply disappears, because it can, thus giving im.

This would give us such a table:

This would make only the nominative forms be the same.

With such a scenario, one of the two conjugation patterns (or maybe a combination of these two) will likely replace the two with a shared nominative.

And imagine the nomads laughing, for they have had this for thousands of years. Ő, ол, уый, او, тэр etc. Not to mention that in Mongolia they call everyone a Hun (хүн)...

!The او is crossed out, for the Persians are not nomads as far as I can tell.!<

The-A merger & the fate of the dental fricatives (it's ص)

The voiced dental fricative will be likely to assimilate to the preceding consonant, and disappear completely if there is none:

about the -> 'bouttə

doing the -> doinggə

kangaroo the brave -> kəngroo ə brave

(hence a and the will be the same in postvocallic positions)

Its voiceless variant however is much more likely to evolve into a similar sound, like t, f or even s.

So, "thing" can become "ting", "fing" or even "sing" (!).

Vowel reductions

All short vowels that are not part of a diphthong are probably going to be reduced to a schwa.

Loss of h and possibly a complete loss of r

Title.

A 👉🐎🐴ərsə's ad its 🥓bəkfəst. "The horse has had its breakfast".

The emoji takeover

Some Many words may be will definitely be replaced by emojis, like:

I've an 🎁 for er, I 🧠 sh will 👍 it, cuz it's a new 📖 'boutta 🇬🇧 👅. "I have a gift for him/her, I think he/she will like it, for it is a new book about the English language"

Emphasis will be added by adding massive amounts of nonsense emojis:

Iya! I tolja👈 get outta iə😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 asappppp. "Hey, you! I told you to get out of here!"

As for pronouncing these emojis, there is a possibility that humans will stop talking whatsoever, only texting themselves even when they are standing literally next to each other.

And possibly after the AI takes over the world leaving humans hiding in caves again, they will probably develop velar trills to compensate for the emojis. :)

Hope you enjoyed this, have a blessed day!

ʔ̬ I bet you're terrified huh ʔ̬ʔ̬ I bet your screaming, pissing your pants ʔ̬ is this scary to you ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ reall illegal ʔ̬ real scary ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬ʔ̬

Ok, so every person can submit 1 phoneme. This ends, uhhhhh......... December 5th midnight estern standard time 2024.

Link to form:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfyc_opkxqKwAbyJKYn6BDz2oKlKZ-MMUSD_bzQ03CL1o670w/viewform?usp=sf_link

Do people actually say [əˈt͡ʃuː]? I thought a "genuine" sneeze was only glottal composed of a glottal stop and an exhalation? Why do people claim their sneezes sound like [əˈt͡ʃuː] (or something along the lines of it), and their sneezes actually do sound like [əˈt͡ʃuː]? It sounds articifical!

Is this some phonological event we learn as a child that a sneeze sounds like [əˈt͡ʃuː] through children videos and baby content, and we learn to integrate that artificial sound into the real action of sneezing?

I thought the english word was just an onomatopoeia, similarly to how we don't say "cough" when we cough, or we don't say "quack" when trying to genuinely imitate a duck?

I thought achoo was just an onomotopoeia not what people actually say??

but why do we make a sneeze postalveolar? Shouldn't it be glottal?

and all a sneeze is just clearing out nasal passages, no need for a postalveolar CH sound,

I recall from an old post that someone transcribed as: [ə̥↓ɲ̊ʷʰ], [ə̥::↓ʔʔŋ̥͋], [ə̥::↓ʔʔh̃ ], but could someone send an audio for what these all sound like IRL, because I have no idea.

I combined random vocab from thirty-two different languages.

You want to eat a woman.

Int akarer comer a zena.

[ˈint ˌakaˈɾeɾ koˈmeɾ ˈa ˈzeˌna]

int     akar-er      com-er  a zena
2sg.NOM want-2sg.PRS eat-INF a woman

Show me the romanization of your conlangs, I want to see the originality.

Context: Vleria is a small country located somewhere in the Caucasus.

Example words from the Vlerian language:

Żłów - turtle

Smutny - sad

Bóbr - beaver

Bór - forest

Bój - war

Kurczak - chicken

Chrabąszcz - bug

Wieża - tower

Wierza - belief

Wierzyć - to believe

Kościoł - church

Jeleń - deer

Wielbłąd - elephant

Piwo - beer

Koza - goat

Słaby - weak

Włos - hair

Osiem - eight

Łza - teardrop

Dżewo - tree

Chmura - cloud

Waleń - whale

Ryj - face

Małpa - monkey

Nóż - knife

Skrzydło - feather

Balə conlanger sugoh klaka

Kənə təgo taqmoh dənga

Yə chumə bachə Wikipedia

Yə ingaq yə jah höq pada

Ahli chəndəkia pǫ kalöh pada

Padahal demə səumo hiduq blaja

Adoh, komə jangą angkoh

Sbənañə, kitə nsəmö ni bodoh.

“The conlangers are truly amusing;

When advised, they refuse to listen.

They read Wikipedia alone,

Yet believe themselves to be the most wise.

They outsmart even the smartest scholars,

Even though they have devoted lifetimes to learning.

Ah, let none among you be arrogant,

For in truth, we are all but fools.”

Tell me why your ŋ's word order is the superior method for delivering sequences of information into the reader's brain. Bonus points if your word order transcends space and time. Negative bonus points if your conlang has free word order. GIVE ME YOUR UNVARNISHED, PIG-HEADED CONVICTIONS.