What jokes make you laugh every time you hear them?

Hi everyone, I am looking to get into modelling and can see that there are lots of agencies in Cape Town. Can anyone possibly give me a list of the most reputable/ successful agencies when it comes to fashion/ mainboard modelling? I am really wanting to take this seriously and not just sit on an agency’s board doing nothing for eternity. Thank you!

Is there anyone out here who thought they'd hit rock bottom only to realize that there's always a lower point? Since I lost my job as a Hotel duty manager in 2020 I have tried everything but nothing seems to work.looked for any kind of jobs, tried selling stuff, man you can name it all. I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I don't smile anymore, I am always grumpy, my family is falling apart and no matter how much I try to be positive it just doesn't work. Is this some kind of bad fortune or I am just not doing enough? Not looking for any pity party, just want someone to say I've been there and things will get better cause I really don't believe myself anymore when I say it.

I’ll be spending new year’s in Cape Town with a group of friends - international crowd from Europe in late 20s. We’re looking for some help on deciding our party plans for the night. We like techno, house and disco - not massive fans of EDM or similar and would love to hear your opinion on Summer Secret vs Alcazar festival - or any other options you can think of. Thanks a lot in advance and looking forward to visit your city!

FYI.

Haa'sit chinas

As the title suggests, we are leaving familiar hollows and venturing across the boerewors curtain to Stellenbosch for our anniversary.

I am clueless on options for dinner - any recommendations?

I sincerely hope you get the most painful cramp in your arse every time it's most inconvenient. Same goes for the people that road over the kitten instead of around it. I hope you break your pinky toe stubbing it. That kitten died in my arms this morning.

It wasn't there yesterday and I'd wish a lot worse on you for doing what you did, but with my luck, I'd be the medic forced to help you. For people that have animals, neuter them. It's free if you can't afford it at so so many places. Or give them up. If you can't afford and animal, don't get one. Because then crap like this is avoided. Don't put people in the position where they have to stop in the middle of the road to save a dying animal.

And to the people that dump animals instead of surrendering them, ESPECIALLY in a busy city with cars likelyto kill them, there's a special place in hell for you and I hope your life turns out even more miserable than the animal you dumped. This will likely get taken down, but as capetownians, do better.

Can anyone recommend art classes or pottery classes in the southern suburbs? Looking to pursue as a hobby but can’t afford R500 per class. TIA.

Picture this! Yesterday, 19h00. I'm in Durbanville, just got off work 20min ago so I get to go visit my favorite person. So i get on my Motorcycle and get going. Not a lot of traffic, but still a few cars on Old oak road so I decide to cut past Stellen Berg High, towards Glean Garry. There is a blueish silver Lexus in front of me with a "Pets on board" sticker. I think it was a 2010 rx maybe.

I later learned he believed I had cut him off at "Fair trees"/"Eversdal road". But here is what actually happened. He was driving 40 in a 60 - not a bad thing, everyone deserves to go at the pace they feel comfortable, and he was on the left so I decide to pass him. This was the biggest mistake of my life apparently because after i was next to him, he sped up to match my speed. I slow, he slows. So now im stuck in a lane that only turns right where I want to go straight. However! This lane used to also go straight, the merger past the intersection is still there. So I skipped finding space and I just went through, seeing as I technically still had a lane.

For nearly 10km he stayed glued to my ass like some sort of a lusty street hooker. At first I thought he was just an asshole that didn't understand what following distance was. I tried some techniques I have learned to get people to stop that. The fist of witch is the biker signal for "get off my ass please". Little did I know this man was hurting, and he would later take this as me giving him signs. Thinking nothing of it I filtered trough traffic so he can tailgate some else. 3 traffic stops later he was still behind me. Only at the 4th did I realize that I am being followed.

In that moment, my heart sank. It felt surreal. I was on my way to my girlfriend’s place—who was home alone—and the last thing I wanted was some creep near her. But of course, at the next stop street, my worst nightmare almost unfolded: this tragic, white midlife crisis cornered me with his car. His long, greasy hair flapped like a deflated muppet. His unkept greying beard looked like some poor animal had died on his face. I genuinely didn't know if he was armed or not when he was yelling obscenities at me.

Not knowing what to do, or rather being too scared he might kill me, I did nothing. Though I wanted a word in. I wanted to call him less than the stains at the bottom of my shoes for tailgating me so close he nearly knocked me over. "Can you even drive!? Do you have a license you little fuck" he yelled at me. "Yes." I replied with a stern, sheepishness. A few swearwords later a thought popped in my head "fuck this". So I tried to leave, and as I did he kicked his car in gear drive and tried to, literally, drive me off the road.-

That "very manly" Lexus was angled towards the sidewalk in an attempt to trap me, so when i left he missed me by a few cm. But then Shakespeare over here drove next to my bike and tried to push me off the road while yelling "Hold still you CUNT". I am so thankful for the slippery maneuverability of my bike. "YOU... Are harassing ME!" I yelled and that seemed to break his anger spell. He drove off. To be sure I wasn't being followed any more I circled the neighborhood a few times. In that time I saw his sad face in his blueish silver Lexus twice more. I'm just thankful he didn't actually hurt me.

Should I go to the police? would they even care? Please share your road rage stories. :)

Have a fantastic day.

I'd like to know if it's worth the trouble

I'm terrified of being unemployed oneday and I'm sure most recent matriculants are as well. What are some ways, those that are looking for jobs here can increase their chances of employment?

I don't just mean having a degree but soft and hard skills. Certifications or diplomas. Certain skills like being a good coder or excellent communicator. Essentially, qualities that will make your CV stand out from the rest.

Hi, I will be working out of Blue Downs (Near Mfuleni) at the Cape town film studio. I wanted to know if there's anyone who can give me a lift to the area or even close enough to Uber there. I will obviously pay for the services. I will transport myself back I only need the lift in the morning.

Please and thanks 🙏

Hi everyone! I’ve been living in Cape Town now for like 9 months (20, F) and feel like I haven’t explored the city in its entirety🙂‍↕️ Additionally, I have a friend that will be visiting for the first time as well; and will be hosting her (21) for a week. We’re college students, what would be the ideal itinerary of activities for us to do that won’t strain us financially?! Any advice would be appreciated

Thank youuuuu🌻

This Indian lady invited herself into our work office saying she was selling curry spices and that she is not from Cape Town but from Durban. She was a fast talker and very pushy - did not want to take no for an answer. She kept telling us to taste a bit of the spices and that one packet was R75.

She then kept emphasizing that all contributions would go to the poor. I lied and told her I didn't have any money but she then said that anything I have is fine, I can even take a picture of her card and EFT the money to her. I ended up not buying anything but the woman basically forced one of my colleagues to buy not 1 but 5 packets ! 😵

Hi guys, I’d like to change my medical aid. I feel like I’m paying exorbitant fees for medical aid and I’m just over it. Currently on Discovery, but I’m looking for another service provider that is affordable and reliable.

Can anyone suggest a Service Provider you are happy working with and which plan you are on?

Edit: Even if you have a really good affordable hospital plan that would be great to know. I don’t usually go to doctors so my main concern is life threatening situations.

I moved to this beautiful, crazy place almost 2 years ago and I'm thoroughly in love. But I have noticed the real impact tourists have on city life.

Like how the prices around the beachs suddenly skyrocket. The amount of scammers also seem to have increased. (Met the Kumars at the McDs in Tokai just the other day). Or how the traffic is worse and the busiest traffic times are now extrended.

Is there any advice for us locals (or aspiring locals like me) that we should know for the festive season?

Hi, I'm going to CPT this week and wanted to catch the last race of the season this weekend. I will be staying in Seapoint and I'm looking for the recommendation for the places where it's possible to sit and watch the race. I saw some similar posts on this sub from the past but didn't find anything close by.

Silly question, I know, but just curious for other people's input.

I am single and my colleagues (they are all at least 10 years older than myself and married) keep trying to push me to get a girlfriend. When an attractive customer would enter the shop they would subtly nudge me to 'make a move' and when she leaves the shop they would always give me that little passive speech of how I should compliment her and ask her out for a coffee etc etc. And I never do because I just feel like my work environment isn't the right place for that and that me making a move on a customer would only make them feel uncomfortable and it would seem unprofessional. Am I right in feeling this way? Or am I just over thinking it as I usually do?

On my way to work traffic was unusually slow when suddenly I saw black smoke billowing out a bus. I saw the fire was only getting worse and traffic was being diverted. Does anyone know what happened?

As title says.

Speed tests to local servers are full speed and almost no latency.

International (overseas) servers have a 300-500ms ping and I'm getting at most 4mbps download.

Been having this slow connection for the past few weeks and it's becoming even slower now.

Does anyone know if there are long term parking options at Cape Town airport? Do I need to pre-book?

Will need to drive (no alternatives and uber is unreliable in my area)

Hi all. Long story short, I’m relocating and I am unable to take my cats with me. I’ve cried so many times about this already. Rescue organizations seem overwhelmed right now and so I’m trying my best to give them as much exposure as possible to try and maximize their chances of getting to a good home. I have a boy and a girl from the same litter that I adopted from a rescue organization, both 3 years old. I have another girl, about 11 months old, that my sister found along the side of the road. They are the sweetest babies, full of personality with the cutest faces. All very affectionate and love being around the human taking care of them. No health issues. If anyone could provide any additional help or leads that will help them find a good home I would greatly appreciate it. ❤️

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for suggestions for a part-time job for my 14-year-old son in areas like Parow, Kuils River, Highbury, or Wesbank. He’s a bit on the skinny side but very eager and hardworking. We’re hoping to find something that pays R90 or more per day, where he can work for about a week and a half to two weeks.

If you know of any opportunities or places in these areas that might hire someone his age for a short-term period, please let me know. He’s responsible and ready to help out wherever needed.

Just spoke to an Uber driver who described how terrifying it is to have someone sit behind them where they can't see what is happening.

This is SA, they already don't feel safe and have to take wild precautions to be okay.

Lets do them a favour and make it less scary to give us a ride. :)

https://preview.redd.it/xkl2cu52xf4e1.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=b68ceaa8f8fd972df6823e87073e5f12e50d49d4

Hi all! So I’ve made friends in CT but in all honesty, I don’t want to constantly wait for people to be available for me to do fun and exciting things. Does anyone have suggestions on things I can do (including restaurants for solo dining) that’s adventurous and fun? Besides hiking because I do that in a group. I’ve done solo kayaking too, which I love.

Any suggestions are welcomed (for Cape Town and surrounds). Thanks everyone ❤️❤️

Hey there - looking for a referral.

I usually use Malmesbury Home Affairs, but I have to apply for a specific document from Home Affairs that can only be issued from Bellville or Barrack Street. I have zero desire to drive into town and find parking.

At Malmesbury there's a Q4U service - R250 and someone stands in the queue for you from 5:30am. You get there at 7:30am and take your place, guaranteed first 10 in the queue.

Unfortunately I need to submit this information in person and can't use a 3rd party, but I really don't want to stand there from 5:30am until the doors open at 8:30am. And yes, I have confirmed with both Malmesbury and Atlantis that I can only do this at Bellville. And no, I can't make an appointment online, since that's only for IDs and Passports.

Does anyone know of a reputable person/company who offers this service for Bellville?