I need opinions as to if I am being unreasonable. I asked my MIL to babysit for the day. She lives an hour away but was very agreeable to come to our house to babysit. Now the night before she is asking if she can come get him and drive him back to where they live to babysit him. I said I would feel more comfortable with her babysitting him here in his own environment, but she is now trying to convince my husband to convince me to let her take him back to her town. She is annoyed that I said no. Is this unreasonable of me?

Hi.

Due to steadily increasing subscriber numbers and an apparent inability to READ A DAMN SIDEBAR, we'll be regularly posting this rules reminder in the hopes of minimizing some problematic frequent offenses as well as indignant replies of "what rules!?" to ban notices. If you want more elaboration on any of these rules, the wiki linked in the sidebar is a good place to start.

#1. MOMS ONLY

The big one. The one that gets you instantly permabanned, no exceptions. DO NOT POST OR COMMENT HERE IF YOU ARE NOT A MOM. We WILL check your history and/or snoopsnoo if we have doubts. Why? Because we're the mom version of r/breakingdad and their rule is dads only, so our rule is moms only.

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The other big one. It used to be "bitch but don't be a bitch" but apparently that was unclear. BE. NICE. Call it a hugbox if you want but the goal is to make people feel better, not worse. We're already broken, we don't need to be kicked while we're down.

You get 3 strikes on this one. The first time, you get a warning. The second time, you get a temp ban. The third time, you're permabanned. UNLESS your very first comment is shitty - then you're permabanned right away. Why? Because it suggests you're not here for genuine support, you're here to cause trouble and/or you didn't READ THE FUCKING RULES. We have neither the patience nor inclination to hold hands with snarky moms looking for people in crisis to bully. This also includes being tone-deaf - intention isn't as important as outcome. If you can't read the room, don't comment.

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If you're posting something that's guaranteed to start a fight, it's probably going to get taken down. We now have r/BrMoPolitics to cover political topics because of the high likelihood of fighting in the comments even if OP is sharing a legitimate concern.

#FYI

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#NOW YOU KNOW!

Y’all, life is A Lot right now. My older kid has autism (evil genius variety) and ADHD. He’s highly reactive, aggressive, and sure that he’s right we must obey every demand and whim. not happening so…meltdowns. we are in all the treatments and therapies except for the ones that we’re on waitlists for because America. Older kid hasn’t hurt anyone at school so far this year and hasn’t got suspended yet. Last year, it was almost daily.

My younger kid gets ignored a lot for older kid’s meltdowns. Younger kid reacts by melting down too. I don’t blame them but it’s overwhelming.

Been married for almost 20 years. Dead bedroom. My “fault”. He’s understanding but frustrated. I’m pretty emotionally burned out.

In the last three weeks, FIL had a stroke. We are estranged from his wife because she’s mad we got CPS to remove grandkids from her neglectful care. As you can imagine, that’s a longer story on another dedicated sub if anyone cares to dig. Don’t think it’s on this account, though. So we zipped in and saw him before MIL arrived at the ED. Hubs is struggling hard.

Two weeks ago, my semi-estranged father was diagnosed with cognitive impairment. His older sister has full blown Alzheimer’s, so we know where this is headed. I’m also pretty worried about what that means for me going forward.

Last week, older kid had a petit mal seizure in class. We are in the process of a neuro work up now. I keep hoping that they’ll find something that’s the key to “solving” my kid who has been Hard their whole life. I know it doesn’t exist but I still hope.

We have a small farm. Both of my horses tested positive for two tick-borne diseases so that’ll be a few thousand dollars to treat before they might be rideable. A multi-million dollar deal to buy our neighborhood is falling through.

My husband went out to lunch with his ex-wife and her friends from 30 years ago. He’s processing a lot from that. I didn’t know him then so I don’t have much insight. She was in the process of separating from her third husband when he dropped dead a few weeks ago. She tends to cycle through exes when she breaks up or gets divorced.

But there is some light. And do I need some light coming into this week because America. My mom and I don’t wants get along. She tends to adopt substitute daughters because she needs to fill that gap. I genuinely do not give a fuck. She available to watch my hellspawn most of the time which is good because we cannot hang onto babysitters. See above Older Kid.

Husband is 95% certain that he got a new job at roughly the same pay with much better hours. He’ll be home in the evenings. We both will. Two parents helping with bedtime is a game changer. And two parents getting up for morning insanity is also a game changer.

we are on the same page re: getting the shit pit raked out.

We would have cleared about $2m in the real estate deal. But it’s ok. We are doing fine on money and will be able to take in one of the CPS kids this summer and help with college.

I know my neighbors. We wave to each other and bring their trash cans in. I give them free eggs from our chickens and free lessons on our horses. One mom has a lot of experience with special needs kids and she is willing and able to handle mine. She trusts us to watch hers. If I’m late, there are three other parents I can reach out who will get my kids from the bus and keep them safe until I get home.

There are three other families who will come over for front yard kid baseball or walk the dogs together or pet sit for us. I am a tiny bit sad about not having all that extra money to buy some cool things and help some worthy people, but I’m not sad to stay here with my community I’ve moved a lot and this is the first place that’s felt like the home I saw in tv shows.

I was able to do a midlife career change into something that I really like and am good at. I get genuine appreciation from my patients every day. I don’t get paid enough and the hours are terrible but they are willing to work with me.

I still wish daily that could run away from home and leave all this behind. Or darker versions thereof. Things aren’t as bad as they could be. I have friends I can call and talk to or go visit. I have support. I just need to be able to use it more.

We’ve been married for 5 years. Have 1 child together and a child from his previous marriage. I have anxiety, he has ADHD (untreated). He blames me for everything wrong in his life. Says I’m too anxious and controlling. The breaking point is he has been taking out loans and credit cards (some behind my back) to invest in crypto. I did my research and came to the conclusion that he’s investing in a scammy crypto scheme. The creator is currently on trial for fraud by the SEC.

We split all bills 50/50 once he started taking out debt to invest because he wouldn’t take my thoughts into consideration. Well now he can’t pay his half of the bills because his debts are so high. I’m guessing about 60k at this point. Meanwhile, I’m working FT, doing school FT, and intern PT for my schooling. I’m about 60-65 hours per week of work. I also am the primary parent and do majority of housework. Our daughter is home with me FT while I work (job allows). He works 50 hour weeks including commute, helps with some chores, and watches our daughter during the 2 days per week I am interning about 14 hours total.

He is now mad I won’t take out a loan with him to help him pay his debt, child support, and half of our household bills. He can’t get approved for anymore debt. He can take the money out of crypto to use but he refuses. He says he can’t be with someone who won’t trust him. And tbh I don’t trust him! I can’t. We’ve been doing this financial dance since our daughter was born and he was unemployed by choice the first 6 months of her life. I had to go back to work at 6 weeks PP. There’s so much more history but it’s a lot. I’m tired and I just can’t do this anymore. Our lease ends in May when I graduate, and I’m planning to end the relationship. I’m so sad and feel awful our daughter will have a broken home.

Mostly I feel at peace. My idiot husband and I finally were able to have an amiable conversation today about the state of our relationship.

About two weeks ago I told him that because he wasn’t able to do anything that I asked him to help repair our relationship, that it was time for an in home separation. He was mad about it at the time and I just couldn’t put up with his shit anymore.

Today we decided to really make it stick. We’re headed toward divorce, slowly at least for now. Like all things, it’s complicated. The kiddos are spending time tomorrow at their grandparent’s house so we can have uninterrupted time to hash out the details of our separation and eventual divorce.

It’s a little scary making a huge change like this at 40 but I know I will be fine. He doesn’t think I will do well or be ok but he’s so wrong. I’ve conquered so many tough things in my life, unlike him. He’ll probably turn to alcohol and bad decisions for comfort while I work on myself in therapy, exercise, and being with my beautiful children in a peaceful home.

He has promised he will be amiable and not fuck me over but don’t worry Bromos, I’m not falling for it. I have an Ace hidden up my sleeve.

I’m scared and excited for this next phase of my life.

We’ve had issues with him being pushy about asking for sex, particularly during postpartum. That was years ago, and his attitudes about frequency of intimacy continue to cause arguments in our relationship.

If we don’t have sex or I don’t help him orgasm, he gets in a bad mood and it negatively impacts the whole household. It took a long time for him to admit this, and now he thinks the solution is to tell me whenever he needs to masturbate.

For example, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie tonight after the kids go to bed. He said, “oh, well I will have to take care of myself first…”

I’m trying to be understanding but it doesn’t feel good when he says it. We have sex a few times a month, but I have endometriosis and I’m often in a lot of pain.

There was a night a couple years ago where he flat out refused to hang out if I wouldn’t help him orgasm. I just wanted to watch a movie that night, too.

Can’t married people just watch a movie with no expectations? I’m so exhausted from dealing with this.

Alberta, Canada

Next week I’m meeting our family doctor for my son’s (7yo) annual checkup. While there I want a referral for an evaluation. What should I bring? Can my GP diagnose any of this? If you’ve been there, what’s the wait time like and how can I help in the meantime?

why the request

• I’ve long suspected some kind of ND, having worked in education (teenagers) I’ve seen a lot of things. When my son came up against road blocks, I adapted to his needs with all the tools I had.

• hand flapping that extended into kindergarten

• whole body sensory seeking

• big emotions… like hyperventilating

• food aversions we are still working through. Literally would not eat at 18months if he didn’t want the food, flagged for us by daycare at 2yo.

• verbal stims, repeating noises, mouth sounds, and words that sound nice to him

• physical stims like twirling hair, tapping, pushing his feet into the couch.

• can’t sit in a chair

• climbs everyyyyything.

• obsessed with math, ahead academically

• extreme rule follower - struggles with friendship because he polices others

• black/white thinking

• his teacher has commented on focus issues, asked me for help

• forgetting

• distracted mid-activity by normal things (eg: water dripping off a roof)

What I do to mitigate disaster

• lots of emotional regulation discussions

• deep pressure

• fidget toys

• follow a routine/schedule

• give advance notice for changes and new things or adventures

• food exposure and a reward system

• giving faux choices

• 3 verbal reminders then physically take him to his task location

• max 3 instructions, very short directions or making a list (eg: pee, teeth, water)

• providing scripts and social coaching

• balance board, spinning cushion at home

• using timers and setting records for tasks

• setting expectations and behaviour goals before activities (eg: during the movie, I expect whisper voice and staying in your seat.)

Hold me whilst I sob in a very undignified manner.

18 years ago right now, I was covertly snacking on leftover Halloween candy and waiting to be checked into L&D since I'd been having contractions for like a week after 3 months of terbutaline and bed rest after he tried escaping early.

My baaaaAAAAaaby

And I gotta do this 2 more times as the youngers reach their 18.

So my son (age four) had a horrible start with a birth defect, multiple surgeries, and over three months in the NICU in 2020 when there were very few resources for his development. He was then generally in too much pain/discomfort to learn much for the next year or so. Even so, he's remarkably caught up now. He had PT/OT every six months until age two and never raised any flags.

Last year at a different preschool, he was his teacher's favorite and we never heard a single complaint or concern. This year, his teacher has some random things to say every single day. Sometimes it's important stuff, like he had a hard time settling down and accidentally knocked a kid over. More often it's something mundane, like "he seems tired today" or "he didn't eat his cheese stick". She says these things like they're really weird. She started giving him all this SPED stuff like a chew toy and a weighted stuffed animal and said he loved them (we got him the same stuffed animal and he never touches it - I'm guessing he plays with it at school because it's the only stuffed animal he's got there).

Finally she recommended him for a full, thorough evaluation. I was a bit freaked, but then we did it, and he passed with flying colors. They said he's completely developmentally normal by every metric and said they would reach out to the teacher to find out why she felt the need for this. They said it was a testament to our parenting that he's so up to speed socially and cognitively 🥹 I haven't heard anything since. The teacher seemed a bit irked when we told her the results were normal.

Today, as I was leaving from helping at my kindergartner's Fall party, I ran into the preschool teacher, who asked me if my son still does PT/OT regularly.

So like... What is up with this teacher? Is she just a giant pain in the ass, or does she legitimately see something even the specialists didn't see? I'm honestly getting a little annoyed here.

Reddit OOP post

Any other single moms whose ex got arrested during his custody time?

This hasn’t happened yet — looking for advice & experiences.

My ex (Mike) violated the full stay-away restraining order I have against him last week.

On Thursday, the kids (8 and 5) and I were at Verizon and I had just set my things down and turned around to check on the kids — and I saw Mike in the vestibule, hugging the kids. They had seen him and run out to him. He came inside the store and approached me and said hi. I immediately walked past him, gathered my things, and told the kids that it was time to leave. We left, and that evening I talked to the officer who would be handling my case (Officer S). She asked me to come in the next day to give my statement.

So I came in on Friday and gave my statement, and officer S told me she would be making an arrest after she got the security footage from Verizon.

It’s now been a week since I made the statement. They still have not gotten that security footage. I’m supposed to meet him at five to do the custody exchange (the kids spend alternate weekends with him).

I am worried that they will get that footage and make the arrest as soon as it happens, and that when it happens, will be over this weekend. If it does, the police will call CPS to take the kids into custody until I can come and get them.

Initially, I was concerned about Mike retaliating against me for reporting his violation, after he gets booked, gets released, and awaiting trial. I’m still concerned about that, and expressed that concern to officer S. She said she would recommend that he not be released, but be remanded to custody until trial. He doesn’t have a criminal record, but the records from our family court trial would show that he does have a history of stalking, assault, and retaliation.

Now I’m further concerned that if the cops make the arrest while the kids are in his custody, his reaction will be particularly violent and will cause extra trauma.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did your kids handle it? It’s bad enough for my perspective that they have to go see him at all, obviously, but this seems like potential trauma that I would like to be able to avoid or prepare for. Happy to answer questions. I would love to hear others’ experiences.

I am 27 weeks pregnant. I am on bed rest cause i keep having contractions from doing anything. My meds ran out last nights so i knew i had to go to the pharmacy today.

When i woke up my husband told me "Ohh btw i stopped at the pharmacy for you and picked up the meds you ran out of last night, its next to the microwave"

I had only said in passing last night before bed "fuck thats the last shot" not even to him

He also went to the store and picked up a few things he knew off we needed so i would not feel the need to go to the store.

He also done his 3rd load oflaundry today cause with me not able to do it, its been pilling up.

Nothing is 100% perfect, but i dont need perfect. He stepped up and keeps stepping up when i need to step down and i am so grateful for him.

Thats all just a little bit of mush from me today.

A little pre-warning, this post talks negatively about Trump a bit. Feel free to stop reading here and move on with your day if that's gonna distress or offend you.

So we went to trick or treat. This year my son is 5. Our route is us on foot for 2-3hrs so usually we put him in a little wagon. This is the first year he got to walk with the big kids and he was STOKED. So we're doing the thing, going door to door, and we come upon a household with a man dressed as Donald Trump. He was done up with McDonald's gear and had his candy to hand out in the paper bags. Whole nine yards. Well, I'm not about to let a disagreement with someone's political leanings get in the way of community celebration, so we decided not to skip over that house. Kinda wish I had.

My son walks up and says trick or treat. The man takes a piece of candy out of the bag and goes to hand it to him, then he pulls back and starts dancing it around. Teasing my boy. Didn't care for that, but ya know, old people having a little fun with kids. Kiddo thought it was funny until someone came up and asked to take a picture and the guy gave them the candy instead and then went to pose with other people. Straight up pulled it away from handing it to my son and gave it to an adult that couldn't wait their turn.

Like...dude...he's a little kid and it's Halloween. Just give him the damn candy, right? We moved on and it didn't ruin the rest of the night or anything but I found myself brooding on it a bit. Seems to me like teasing a kid with candy and snatching it back cos a photo op is of the highest importance is pretty on-brand. Guess I can commend the guy for staying in character? Idk.

We all know times are tough for so many, and it may be a struggle, or even impossible, to work holiday gifts into your already tight budget. At r/stressfreexmas, we exist to help families in need with gifts for their children.

We do require an application, and acceptance is not guaranteed. You can learn more about that on our wiki. The process and requirements are there. SFX is open to families in the US, UK, & Canada. Gift requests are for children only.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it. Making your Christmas/Hanukkah magic possible is the magic of the season for us. My children are all grown up, and it’s truly a gift to me to see the joy I’ve helped create, particularly for those young enough to believe in Santa Claus. I know the other mods and many of our very generous Santas at SFX feel the same way.

So many thanks to the mods here for allowing us to post again this year and for stickying this.

Being poor. Voting. Managing the household finances. My husband's mental health problems. My kids' ADHD and all the many things that come with it. My health, both physical and mental. Trying to do any housework. The dog. The very thought of the upcoming holiday season. It's ALL exhausting me right now. Fortunately, my oldest kid and my cat are not on the list of people & things exhausting me right now.

What's exhausting you?

Man I’m about to lose my ever loving shit.

SO was fired 6ish weeks ago. He was fired because he literally couldn’t let go of his ego and follow the orders of his boss/the owner of the office he worked in. Absolutely ridiculous.

So he’s been on unemployment not making nearly as much as he did before.

I was already working 2 jobs (my W2 and a contract role) and now I had to pick up a 3rd job (another contract) because I have to pay most of the bills now.

He said he would help with the house. HAHAHAH. The only thing he does is load the dishwasher and he blows the leaves off the driveway a few times a week. He doesn’t CLEAN anything. He doesn’t help with the kids. He doesn’t take the dogs out. He does N O T H I N G.

I get up, get the kids up, make myself and them breakfast, then log into all my jobs while he’s snoring away on the couch until 11 am. Then he sits there and watches podcasts and plays video games all day. When I ask him to do something or if the kids ask for something, he says “hang on” and after waiting for him to actually get up, I just end up doing it my damn self which then he gets all pissy about and says “I was going to do that!” No the fuck you werent.

I’m not kidding when I say it fills me with absolute fucking RAGE every day.

He is in the process of starting a new job which will be a WFH position with a 3rd party company that employees people at a government agency. It basically means he will be working for way less than if he was hired directly. So I’ll still have to continue paying for most of the bills here. A lot of his unemployment/his paycheck goes to child support for his children he had from a previous marriage.

I’m getting so burnt out. I STG I would be better off without him.

This week was my birthday which also happens to be our semi-official 20 year anniversary. No presents just a card. He told me he wanted to get me flowers but the grocery store was out.

What hurts is that when I spoke to him about it after—I was trying to get clarity around whether we were done with presents forever or what, which maybe was an antagonistic framing—he screamed “I don’t have any fucking money!”

Well, then tell me that the morning of my birthday. Hug me, tell me I’m amazing and that you wish you could buy me something but just can’t, and then I’ll be fine. Instead of just saying the store was out of flowers and leaving me waiting all day.

I think he’s so ashamed of himself that he looses all basic sense. And he is such shit at intimacy. I don’t know what to do.

My husband's feelings towards me are conditional on my mood. If I am happy and confident and doing everything "right", then he stares at me adoringly and gives me so much affection and love. But if there is something slightly off and I'm not behaving just how I should be, then his behavior towards me changes.

He will make comments like "Why did you walk in the door with that scowl on your face?" if I've had a bad day at work. He will tell me that my "energy" is off and that I'm ruining everything for everyone if I'm not perfectly happy and chipper. Most of the time I won't even realize that I've got a certain look on my face or a certain "energy" about me. At this point I usually breakdown and start crying when he says these things to me because it's not my intention to be in a certain mood or bring anyone down, and his comments are so frequent now.

Yesterday I was in trouble for attending a work meeting where 99% of the attendees were men (as is always the case in my industry). I was interrogated ahead of time and after, as well as being accused of dressing too "sexy" for the meeting and wishing to draw attention to myself. So yesterday was already a heated day going into today.

This morning at the gym between sets I was looking at my bank account since I had some large expenses in October. My husband had a massage this week and I'd been asking him about submitting the receipt to our benefits to be reimbursed. Since it was on my mind, I went over to him and asked if could email me the receipt so I could make the claim. Then I went back to working out. I hurt my arm at one point and had to drop the weight I was holding which I don't usually do. I was also having some stomach issues so I was using the bathroom frequently and it was weighing me down a bit.

My husband came over with an annoyed look on his face and told me that my "energy" had shifted and it was affecting his work out. He asked what my problem was with "dropping all the weights". I told him what was wrong (money being on my mind, hurt arm, sore stomach) but he was already stomping away. I dropped to the ground in tears. He started swearing and yelling, saying he's "done with this BS" and that it's "always something" with me.

My anxiety went through the roof and as a response to the stress I started pulling at my clothes and started taking them off. I immediately realized what I was doing and put them back on. We were the only people at the gym at this time. My husband was so disgusted with me and told me so. He started leaving and I chased after him. We had a huge blow up in the parking lot with me crying and screaming.

I've calmed down now. My husband is saying we are done because he's so disgusted that I partially removed my clothes and that the gym worker will see it when he checks security cameras. The gym worker is someone who my husband frequently brings up, saying that he has a "thing" for me. I'm not allowed to talk to him and if I so much as accidentally glance in his direction I'm in trouble. So now my husband is saying that I did this on purpose so that the gym worker will see my body and now he wants nothing to do with me because another man will see me when he looks at the security camera footage.

I've now missed work for the day and I'm sitting at home absolutely embarrassed and devastated. I competed in a fitness competition on the weekend and my hormones are off because of that, but I know it's no excuse.

I got my first mammogram yesterday. I'm over 40 and have so many chronic medical conditions that a mammogram was the last thing on my mind.

The results are negative but the report did say that I have dense breasts. Does that mean I will have to do additional testing? The report says it might me warranted but no one has called me from the center.

What's everyone's real world experience with this?

Desperate for some advice or guidance but also just need to vent. My 12 month old is going through what I believe is a sleep regression. Last night was the 5th in the row of him screaming all night unless being held. He’s never been a GREAT sleeper, but he hasn’t ever needed to be held to sleep. We’ve had a consistent bedtime routine since 4 months old - bath, books, milk, crib. He’s always awake when we put him down and he rolls to his stomach to sleep. Suddenly he hates being in his crib. We have tried sleep training, but it doesn’t work for us. He will scream bloody murder for ever - the longest we can tolerate him screaming is under an hour. He doesn’t slow down or fall asleep. Check ins don’t help. We’ve tried sleep training in the past and it’s never worked with him. If we bring him to our bed it takes him a long time to settle and fall asleep because it’s a new environment - and then he wakes up at like 5am ready to go. So basically nobody is getting any sleep. My husband and I are at each others throats and fighting constantly because we’re so tired. We both work full time and our son is in daycare. He’s missed daycare twice this week because he hasn’t slept more than 3 hours a night in 5 days.

Do I get a floor bed and just give in to sleeping with him at night? I am getting desperate. I was literally imagining hurting myself or running away into the night last night, so the sleep deprivation is taking its toll.

To complicate things I’m pregnant. I’m scared of creating bad habits (sleeping with my son) when a new baby comes along and will need me.

And I’m sad because we don’t have any help. My mom is on hospice care. The rest of my family never checks in, never visits, never has any interest in my family it seems. My in laws are busy travelling the world 9 months a year and when they are here, they spend every day helping my SIL and her two kids. Honestly I’m struggling with this a lot right now. It feels like we are bringing a new baby into our family and I know we don’t have a village. Our house is constantly a mess because we’re too tired to stay caught up on chores. Our dog is not getting walked every day like she deserves because we are spread so thin with work, dinner, chores and raising a human. We can’t afford to outsource help and even if we could I seriously don’t have time. We tried to get a cleaner and the process was exhausting. Nobody would share their prices until they come view our home and meet us. I don’t have time to set up these home interviews just to get our hopes up and then get a quote for $275 per clean for a 1000 sqft home.

I just wish family would pop over and help us get things tidied up. I wish they’d offer to babysit or take my son out for an hour so my husband and I can get caught up on sleep, or have a date night for the first time in nearly a year. I’m just sad, and can’t even drink about it because I’m pregnant. Ugh.

Thank you if you’ve read this far.

The kids are sick so they had to miss Halloween, not a big deal, just annoying because of the money we spent on costumes. On top of the fact that they were sick last year during Halloween too. They’re throwing up, I’m doing everything i can for them to not get the baby sick, I’m sick too, and these are the times i just wish i could be a kid again and my mom could take care of me and i didn’t have to take care of anyone else. We’ve been on the struggle bus the passed few weeks with our almost 3yo going through maybe a sleep regression? We’ve dropped nap and I’ve been going almost 24/7 since then. I’m exhausted. I envy people who don’t have kids yet, and i feel so horrible about that.

Just need to vent, really.

2 years ago, I told my husband that we would absolutely, under no circumstances, be having another baby. That is, unless, I could quit my job.

I was fully ready to be one and done and move on with my life. SAHM life was a pipe dream to me.

To my surprise, he told me to quit. Took a few weeks to think. Had discussions, but the quitting never changed, and I did.

We now have 2 kids.

For the last year, he has been tiptoeing around me going back to work.

The thing is, I promised myself that if he wasn't totally being honest with me, and I ended up going back to work, I would be working toward not being married anymore.

I've been applying casually, and something popped up that I'm qualified for. The thing is, the pay sucks and the job is going to be... well, terrible.

If I take this job (because he has been encouraging me to even though he also knows it would suck) I would be single with 2 kids under the poverty line.

I've lived that life for most of my life, and it's just not what I want for my kids. We aren't wealthy, but it's miles ahead of what I grew up in. My relationship isn't great, but my kids are happy and loved by both parents.

I just don't know what to do. An ultimatum? A warning?

He's so dumb. Right now, I do everything for these kids. He changes one diaper maybe every 2 weeks. He didn't even know how to get to the pediatrician office.

He literally just doesn't want to give up his financial lifestyle, but has no idea what he's in for on the daily if I go back to work because I will NOT work and be his live in nanny/maid.

I'm just pissed. Like. You made a promise to my face repeatedly. You obviously want all of us around 100% of the time. Yeah, money is tight right now, but it won't always be like this. I do eventually want to go back to work, but not like this. Not when my kids are small and still want to be around me all the time.

You are the reason I did this in the first place.

My birthday comes after my husband’s, and for the last few years, I have done something thoughtful for him, and he has done something thoughtless and low effort for me.

Last year was the last straw, when I found out the night before that he had nothing planned at all. Instead, we were going to our nephew’s christening, which I already knew about, but my husband said there was a big surprise! Which was that his brother and SIL had a cake made for me and sang happy birthday at the christening party for their son. AND THAT WAS THE ENTIRE “PLAN” FOR MY BIRTHDAY. One my husband didn’t even come up with. I’m appreciative that my in laws did that for me because otherwise I would have just gotten nothing at all!

I found out about this because I had asked him what we were doing for my birthday, and he just told me outright, with a happy tone of voice — like it was such a great idea for me to celebrate my birthday at a toddler’s religious event with my husband and SIL’s family and none of my family or friends. He didn’t plan a dinner for the two of us or anything the preceding or following day.

The morning of my birthday, he woke me up with some store bought pastries and coffee. And this was only because I had gotten so mad at him the day before. But that was it, not even a card or flowers. We went to the christening and party as planned, and then just came home. I was so hurt and upset that I went to bed early and just slept, which was only possible because my mother in law was caring for our child.

This year, I did almost the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a Brit Milah to take him to. But I got him a Walmart cake and a cup of coffee and nothing else. And every day after that, when he ate some leftover cake, he grumbled about how mediocre it was. Hahahahaha.

I know that he doesn’t have the self awareness to realize why this is happening and do better for my upcoming birthday, but I’m still satisfied. Not wasting any more of my effort for his birthdays or holidays!

We have been struggling with my 10 year old’s school avoidance lately. Today I just gave up fighting and he is staying home again. I’m exhausted and just don’t have it in me to argue with him today.

I'm a stay at home mom that isn't married. My child's father works out of state traveling for 85% of the year so we decided when I got pregnant that I would stay home. I take care of my kids and our home all by myself. I have a child from a previous marriage that I share joint custody with and he pays me $200 in child support a month. That's the only income I have. Should I have to give up my child support money to my partner or should I be saving it as back up in case we break up since we aren't married and nothing is in my name and I have no current job. I don't want to be stuck with no home or car or income if we break up. But my partner is always yelling at me because I am not giving him my income and he doesn't think I should be saving it.

My 2 year old son has had a recent series of nights of garbage sleep. He went from sleeping through the night to waking up crying maybe every 60-90 minutes. Is this some sort of sleep regression? He is warmly dressed and he isn't sick. It just started about 2-3 nights ago. He just woke up like that a few minutes ago and he cried "cuddle mama" and then he fell right back asleep when I rubbed his back. My 3 year old daughter didn't do this, so I'm kind of confused.

So tonight I (24F) defended my son who is 4 years old against his uncle (31M) and part of me feels bad but the other part of me feels it was deserved. It was other brother in law’s birthday today and as usual we went over to my mother in laws house to sing happy birthday and cut a cake. We arrived and we were all standing around the kitchen island conversing and whatnot. My son absolutely adores both of his uncles and his grandpa so as soon as we get there he’s playing around with them. They were all playing with dinosaur figures when somebody did something that made my son burst out in laughter. Now my son has two pretty big cavities on his two front teeth that have been seen by his dentist and we have a plan set forth to get them fixed but because of insurance and scheduling related issues it is to be fixed next month. Well brother in law #1 (whom was not the birthday boy) looks straight at my son and with a grin on his face and a slight chuckle looks at my husband and loudly says “Why are his teeth all rotten?” In that moment I felt the blood drain from my face and my stomach tie up in a knot. This particularly struck a nerve with me because this is not the first time brother in law #1 has made passive comments regarding my kid(s) but every time I have just written it off as him being immature and let him go on his merry way. Now back to the moment, my son’s face dropped because he is a very smart 4 year old and he fully understands what his uncle is talking about. With every fiber in my being trying to stay composed I look straight at him and say “You know there is a nicer way to say things, right?”He then tries to say something to cover his butt and almost tries to hide behind my mother in law. I then tell him “For your age you’d think you’d know a thing or two about manners. You don’t hear him being rude to you, do you?” He tells me “Well not yet” and chuckles trying to play it off. And I say “No actually he won’t because he will be raised with actual good manners.” My 4 year old is next to me at this point still on the verge of tears and I tell him “Don’t worry (childs name) it’s okay don’t listen to your uncle.” His grandpa reaches his arms out to console my son and he has a little cry. Brother in law #1 looks to his mom/my mother in law looking for comfort or idk what but she just shrugs her shoulders at him and doesn’t say anything (Hell yeah mother in law). The rest of the cake cutting he was just quiet and tense while we all talked normally and a while later his dad asked him if he was tired. He said yeah. After we ate cake he left to his room and said he was going to bed.

My husband didn’t say anything on the car ride home about it. A part of me feels bad because I know that ruined his mood but the passive comments towards myself and my kids the past 5 years needed to be put in check. I do wish it wasn’t such a ‘moment’ I guess you could say but I just couldn’t let another comment slide especially when it’s surrounding one of my child’s insecurities. I’ve never even disrespected him to deserve these comments, let alone my 4 year old. I guess the people pleaser in me just feels bad but the mom in me feels like I defended my baby accordingly.

Took my girls to a trunk or treat on Wednesday. I live in Asheville, NC where many of us have been displaced from Hurricane Helene and it’s just been well…..a lot. The org putting on said event was giving away free costumes to the kids. Had to go up a flight of steps to get to the costume room.

My daughter chooses Elsa. Great, super cute. I don’t realize till we’re at the top of the steps that this thing is long on her and I envision her tripping and falling.

I for some fucking stupid fucking reason pick up my 3 year in one arm while holding the baby in the car seat in my other.

We. Got. All. The. Way. To. The. Bottom. Step. and it happened, my ankle somehow gave out and I collapsed

My toddler scraped her hand slightly. Baby was luckily so fine she didn’t even cry.

I really messed up my ankle and I scraped my knee so bad.

I’m just having a really hard time dealing with it. I don’t know why I thought I was some god damn superwoman right then. And of course my husband thinks it’s no big deal

I did the math, and my child and my dog have had a combined ten haircuts since the last time I had one. I take care of everyone but myself.

It’s the third anniversary of my mother’s death the other day, and I don’t expect random friends to remember, but I wonder if my siblings or my parents’ siblings will reach out with a mention of Mom, a ‘thinking of you,’ with anything, or if i really am entirely alone in my grief. I get two calls. One from the school that my child has misbehaved, and one from my bff’s spouse asking that I call bff. They’ve been feeling lonely and could use a friend. In the end I’m the one who sends the ‘thinking of you’ text to my family, as well as making that call to bff. I take care of everyone and no one takes care of me.

My child is from a different culture than the rest of the family, so it is entirely on me to make her cultural celebrations happen. The biggest holiday of the year is this week, and it’s a massive undertaking. I spend weeks workshopping recipes, I buy gifts, arrange entertainment, even fireworks. I take at least three days off work solely to clean and prepare the home. The year after Mom died I didn’t have the bandwidth to take care of the entire thing, so I had the food catered in. The other day my sibling told me he preferred the food that year and offered to pay to keep doing that instead. I take care of everyone and my efforts go unappreciated at best. I take care of everyone and occasionally they’d just as soon I didn’t.

I feel like a shit mom on this Halloween night. After working my childcare job AND being ridiculed for overstimulation (due to me being neurodivergent) by my mom, and not having drank in like 2-3 months, I had my partner pick up a 12% seltzer and he had an 8% while we took kiddo trick or treating. anywho I was having a much better time but now I feel so ashamed. We didn't get to go to one of her favorite houses but we stayed out till 9. I feel like an alcoholic bad mom. I j want to know if anyone feels this shame around drinking while taking care of kiddos. I grew up in a very Catholic home where alcoholism and addiction runs in our family so whenever I drink I have such a guilty conscience. Kiddo stayed safe on our night out & had lots of fun but man I'm j feeling like a dumpster fire. I gave her a piggy back ride and helped w my niece some. I was completely functional. I'm j so embarrassed and feel like when I have fun for me, I'm not taking advantage of the moment enough w her. Advice and solidarity needed, but not shame bc I already have it lmao

Why does no one tell you how much it’s going to hurt someday to choose yourself? I built this whole beautiful life and I really wanted it to work so badly. I tried for years, nearly two decades.

But in order to protect myself from the constant reminders that another betrayal is right around the corner, I have to be the one to ask my partner to leave.

I want to be brave but it feels so horrible to feel so good to have peace again. I have to destroy something so beautiful bc otherwise I continue to injure myself.

God this shit is so fucked.

I tried so hard!