My bf (39)M told me yesterday (because, I was persistent on wanting to know) basically told me yesterday, before he moved away from his home state. He used to be in the bdsm lifestyle which is fine I’ve been curious about it for years. So I (27) F have been thinking about if o can handle it or not. He doesn’t want to do to me what he used to do because, he doesn’t want me to have any flashbacks from my ex. Which is understandable but I also want to try it. I’m just not sure if it’ll make my mental health worse or if it’ll improve it. He says he doesn’t need/require any of it but I’m curious to try it. My brain has overthought it some to where it’s like “he needs this or he’s not gonna wanna do anything s@xual with me ever again and if he does he’s not gonna truly enjoy himself.” Am I overthinking all of this and talk to him about trying it? Yes I know there’s a lot of pain, chains, whips etc like that but I wanna try other stuff than the usual missionary etc. He also told me the girl he did all this with they both basically signed an NDA and not one or the other could call the police saying that they were beaten. Uugghh please help me understand all of this!!

In the mouthsoaping thread someone mentioned that theres a thing you could put on your nails to make them taste gross to train people into not biting their nails.

Im wondering if you could take something similar and put it on a penis to make it taste gross? Preferably it would be vagina safe too.

Some background: I have been Sir to my Plaything for over ten years and are monogamish for the most part, ENM the rest of the time. We love each other and trust each other completely, Traditionally, Plaything has revealed limit after limit after limit but after discussion outside of scenes she reveals a fear response and that these are soft limits that I can lead her though if I am patient and gentle and without pressure. We've explored the D/s dynamic, rope bondage, strict control, toys, impact play, voyeurism/exhibitionism, sex clubs -all were limits for her until I showed her the way across.

Two years ago I collared her and it was the most incredible experience. I have her a heavy leather collar to war during our scenes and a silver day collar to wear when she wants to be in my presence when we are apart (we don't live together). She got very emotional and said, "Does this mean we are bondage married?" :)

We've been talking about me leashing her for a while now with me explaining why it meant a lot to me and she being resistant and saying no, just like she says no when I slap the insides of her thighs or flog her ass: In our dynamic "no" is meaningless but "yellow" and "red" are non-negotiable.

So last night I had her tied spread-eagled to the bed, blindfolded and deep into sub space when I paused the session to get the leash. I first put it on her chest between her breasts so she could feel it's weight and to warm it up and then I snapped it to her collar.

I swear- the sound it made was the most incredible sound I'd ever heard. It was the sound of... connection? Obedience? The ultimate giving over of control? I'm not sure if I can put it into words but my heart soared with joy. We finished the scene with her crashing orgasm and before I untied her and removed the blindfold I removed the leash and coiled it away.

Here is my dilemma (and I freely admit to maybe crawling up inside my head too much here):

I feel like I might have leashed her without her consent. I think I took advantage of her vulnerable situation and altered headspace to "pull one over" on her so I could get what I want.

After our aftercare of cuddling under blankets, renewed affirmations of love and trust, drinking tea, we talked though it and I asked her how she felt about being leashed.

She said she wasn't sure if she was comfortable with being leashed, but she said that hearing my breathing change and turn ragged after I clipped it on got her really turned on. (I could tell, my cock was inside her when I clipped it on and she got crazy wet. We joke that her pussy is the ultimate lie detector- it dries up when she's uncomfortable and gets instantly wet when she's feeling the energy)

Of course that was wonderful to hear, but now I worry that my aroused reaction has her wanting to "take one for the team" just to make me happy instead of both of us being happy.

Am I thinking with my dick here at her expense? Am I over thinking this? Should I just be grateful that I have suck a loving, trusting and giving partner (I mean I am already but you know what I mean)?

So:

Did I leash her without consent?

Am I exploiting our trust and dynamic to get what I want at her expense?

This happened a few days ago, and at the time we were not exclusive (this event made us discuss our relationship/boundaries and we are now exclusive for the most part).

My dom was messaging a girl on Tinder and he let her call him daddy. He claimed that he didn’t like it but he also didn’t tell her not to say that (and he is not a person that’s shy about setting boundaries). After I confronted him he immediately stopped talking to her and he told me that I’m his special girl, I’m irreplaceable and things like that, but I still have the feeling like he doesn’t respect our relationship as he’s just letting random women he doesn’t know call him daddy. I want to just get over this because he did apologize and show me that he’s actually sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Any advice on how to move on from this?

Also this is not related to my question but this woman was very clearly in the lifestyle—she said that her Daddy owns her. It really rubs me the wrong way that she would call someone she just met “daddy” and I’m really wondering what her dom would think if he knew about it.

How do I find people interested in pegging and bdsm in NJ ?

So wife has developed this kink, where she likes it when I act somewhat misogynistic toward her? Like tell her she’s too weak to pick something up. Tell her she’s too pretty to do something and I should etc. This is not something I’ve got any experience in, even as a dom I try to be respectful toward her as a woman. But she’s been liking it and asked for more stuff like it so was wondering if you all would have any ideas of what to do with this? Thanks!

Hello!

I’m doing anal training for my Dom. I am trying to get to do all day wear but I don’t have the right options and I am new to this. I like the silicone ones so far.

What products would you recommend? I am trying to size up and able to hand a medium larger sizes.

I like to struggle by myself, I need something new and fun to do by myself

so I'm a 22 y/o transfem and me and my gf aren't very experienced with BDSM stuff but are slowly exploring it. We've just been playing around with light biting, clicker training, and D/S power dynamics which has been amazing.

I've noticed however, that when something happens to me that reinforces my subbiness (e.g. she whispers some words in my ear or uses the clicker) my chest tightens a bit in addition to all the other effects it has. it's not something I'm that worried about and it doesn't feel dangerous to me, but I couldn't find anyone else talking about it so I wanted to ask some people who might have experience with it. is this a common occurrence or should I try to look more into it?

also side question: why does my body get all tingly whenever I slip a bit further away into her control? it's nice but can be very intense, to the point where I want to be bitten to be distracted from it.

So I’m trying to figure out exactly what I want and need from my dynamic.

How did you come to realize what your needs and wants were in a dynamic as a dom or sub.

The only thing I can come up with is I need encouragement from my dom, I want someone to help me keep to my goals I have set for myself. I want to grow as a person and professionally.

I’m not sure what else my needs or wants are in the dynamic. I want to clearly state in writing to my dom to see if he is willing to do those things for me even. TIA!

Hey there, I'm pretty new to the kinky side of life and unsure about terminology.

So I'm fairly sure I'm considered a primal hunter and I like submissive men, non-binary people and androgynous women. But is there a term for submissive people whose submission does not include being feminized or emasculated? Because I'm really appalled by always seeing women in submissive roles or submission being equalised to femininity. Masculinity and submission should not be opposites, just like femininity and dominance.

Or am I just in some weird content bubble on fetlive where this is like 90% of the content that's shown to me? My live experience is just very limited yet.

I’ve (28F) had the same sub (28M) for over a year with about a dozen sessions in that timeframe. He’s always been pretty behaved and knows my boundaries except over the weekend it changed.

My rules are don’t touch me unless if I say it’s okay. He kept brushing his hands on me and I eventually had it and used bondage but it still didn’t stop him. Usually at the end I let him finish and recently he’s been interested in prostate so I’m training his body. Made him go into his usual position and because he can’t touch me he starts leaning so I’m kinda forced to show affection. Sex is not on the table, I know the risks of introducing that.

I’m not a mean dom, I’m trying to keep him from getting attached and any touch of affection gets him wired up. Anyway he couldn’t finish and kept begging that he wants to give me pleasure. I know exactly what that means and he wouldn’t stop begging. None of this has showed up the entire time we started last year and I’ve only let him see my body once months ago to establish trust. I don’t know what happened since our last session was in September. He refuses another dom and when the idea of having another joined he stonewalled me for a week. His career makes it hard to introduce him to the community.

Is he attached? How do I fix this?

he’s not used to being dominant in bed as he is a really sweet person irl but he is open to being dominant. he has moments where he is dominant but in general i think he hasn’t found his voice/style.

problem is he doesn’t know exactly what to do to flesh out his dom personality, but i also don’t want to tell him exactly what to do because i don’t find it as sexy to tell him everything. it’s like im domming myself.

if the problem is my expectations, i am willing to change if it gets me the dynamic i want.

i am not breaking up or looking elsewhere. i love him and i just want us to solve this problem for our bdsm dynamic.

My long distance sub seems to be enjoying these “punishments” or “orders” I give her when she’s being bratty towards me. I keep on raising the bar, basically everything from making her beg, to writing, to spanking herself, to making her grind random objects and slap her body parts till they go numb. But despite of all this, she always says that she can do more for me, that I underestimate her by asking for so less. Suggest a few BDSM or kinky punishments that can be deemed borderline extreme to actually extreme depending on the task. No access to toys or dildos as such, only basic household items.

Hi, My Dom and I are going to try a mouthsoaping scene. Does anyone know of a safe soap to use for this? I imagine lots of soaps are not really safe for inside the mouth… Thanks! ☺️

Hi everyone,

Sir has made a rule that I must wear kegel balls daily. Has anyone else done this? What is your experience?

Me and my Dom are searching for Ideas for the Winter-Time

We thought about some tasks /punishmets that maybe involve snow or just involve the cold weather outside
we already did some rope-play under my clothes, after we found out that you can hide a lot of things behind big jackets
some christmas-themed ideas are also welcome, like decorating your sub into a christmas-tree

maybe some of you have some more ideas.
thanks in advance and happy winter-season to all subs /doms :)

Hi lovelies! I have been single for a bit, and am trying to navigate the single world. I am also a brat and anything outside of a brat tamer is not working for me. I am wondering where I can search for people that identify as a brat tamer without the overt sexual nature of fet. I also do not want to start a relationship with intimacy I want to wait for a bit. So I know it's odd to want someone in the dynamic when play is not involved, but i think in life if the person is not a brat tamer then a relationship will not work. Any suggestions of where/how to meet someone would be appreciated. I am 29y female in indiana if it helps :)

Does anyone know of good anal punishment toys? Plugs specifically. I'm wondering if there are any butt plugs with like slightly uncomfortable/painful textures?

Long read, but in need of clarity and guidance from others well versed in this realm.

After a 21 year marriage, I found the love of my life and my best friend. We had a soul connection from the beginning, which was undeniable. BDSM is some thing that identifies both of us at our core. I crave to serve and please. I am sweet, nurturing and kind. he was the perfect Dom for me. 11 years older, similar life experiences, emotionally supportive, caring, gentle, nurturing, and protective. He became the perfect daddy Dom and I, his baby girl.

Our relationship has always had undertones of a BDSM nature. I deferred to him and everything and trust him without question or fail. Last April I had a hysterectomy and because of my previous marriage there were a lot of traumatic things and PTSD that surrounded it. I was vulnerable and shared those in advance. He was well aware of my trauma, and worked through them with me, though his approach is more tough than I’ve ever received and took a bit of getting used to.

Ever since then, he claims I am not the same person. That since then I have submitted to my own inner Dom and that I am a fake person in our relationship. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and over the last 18 months, a very predictable pattern has formed. My Dom will become frustrated over, a perceived facial expression or tone and decode it as disrespect or lies. Full disclosure, I have lied to him very early on in our relationship when we were at our worst moments. I have come clean all of those and have lived a very transparent life. He has access to all of my communication, devices, accounts, and I share my maps with him anytime I travel without him.it has now become as frequently as once or twice a month we will have very verbally and emotionally abusive disagreements that last for an average of five days.

A couple months ago I came to him after a fight and said a lot of the emotional trauma and PTSD I had was not allowing me to fully engage in a BDSM dynamic, and it was not fair to our relationship. I requested that I needed to put our BDSM dynamic on pause so I could heal myself and re-enter the dynamic whole. BDSM was a bonus to, not a contingency or even how the relationship started.

While I have been healing myself, I’m not ready to enter that dynamic with him because I do look at him with concerns for my emotional safety. I have heard his feelings and his emotions on the matter many times. As my Dom, he tells me that he will never serve a brat. He will only dom a good girl, which I know I am. My Dom claims that as I have submitted to my inner Dom, I am living a fake life, and that my true self is a brat. In order to love him and be in a relationship with him, I must kill my inner brat. This is the 100% cause of every argument we have. When asked what my inner brat is, I am told it is any amount of disobedience, disrespect, interruption (verbal, or body language), speaking over him in conversation, pointing out his flaws, correcting him when he is wrong, etc.

He consistently holds our relationship over my head. Things like a soul connection and experiences and things we have shared cannot be faked and I know it is genuine. I suspect the hurt he is holding onto something he refuses to let go and he refuses to trust again, even though the trust and honesty is there.

He has stripped me of my collars and all of my jewelry. I am constantly told that he is on the hunt for another sub because I am unworthy. He is constantly telling me to fix myself and stop being afraid to trust him. Tonight he removed all of our photos, all of the gifts I have made for him, all of my childhood photos, my aftercare blanket, and my aftercare teddy bear, and put them in trash bags by the curb. (We share a home, not married)

I have done so much work on myself. I know my purpose in life, I know who I am. My spirituality has never been stronger. I meditate daily, I spend time in self reflection, I spend time in nature. I truly dive deep into understanding BDSM from an emotional place, not just for the rough sex.

From a traditional relationship standpoint, I can see the red flags and the markers all over the place. We do have a local lifestyle club, but I truly feel powerless right now. He is a veteran at the club and I am a newbie so I do not feel safe there either. I’ve reached out to friends in the past and he has punished me relentlessly for it.

Where I need guidance here is from a submissive and a dominant standpoint, what am I missing? I would truly love to hear from other Doms what your experience and thoughts are here. My Dom is my partner and my best friend. I don’t know if I have been too controlled by him or if I am truly lost and do not see how far I have fallen from being the genuine good person I am?

Hugs and thank you

— Clearly a throwaway account. ❤️

I’m currently seeing someone who leans more so towards enjoying threesomes / orgies. I would be happy talking about it in the bedroom but I truly have no real desire to go out into the real world and seek others. I had a few bad experiences with an ex who was abusive and tried have me groom others when I was young. I haven’t mentioned this in great detail to my current partner because my stomach drops and I physiologically have some sort of trauma response.

In spite of the past, I really enjoy sexy talk but I am put off by my current partners genuine excitement to go out into the real world. I don’t want to mess him about. I have to bring him back to reality, it puts a stop to dirty talk and so I ask him about his interests instead.

The thought of having of being pulled into my current partners kink seems exciting for all the wrong reasons. It’d make me feel so out of it, I’d binge drink and relapse with my Eating disorder in order to participate. I’d love to think I could get away with being his wing man, it’d be great if he got his needs met in a threesome/orgy etc. meanwhile I’d rather hang out talking to the bartender than partake. The reality is there is a gender imbalance, way more men than women available. It’d stress me out all the attention I’d be getting for being a woman.

lol meanwhile here I am with desire to practice rope together. We have practised rope together once. I get stressed out and self conscious to initiate because I don’t want to pressure him to engage with my kinks. I showed him the rope I have, the book I use and we practised for about 5 minutes. I am met with a lot of horny energy when I see him so I feel like asking him to pause to learn how to tie single column on me would be boring and annoying or that I was putting pressure on him. I now feel like such a wally hauling my big bag of rope to his house. Maybe I need to be more assertive. Maybe I could practise rope on him before or after sex. I recognise I’ve also had some dodgy experiences with rope in the past and I’m trying so much not to project or assume and be patient with both of us. It’s also sort of comical how people new to rope can talk such a big talk but it seems like it falls flat when people realise it requires concentration, attention and practise.

Can it work or should we call it a day?

Hey guys im 20, M and live in Germany Im really new to the bdsm Community and i already know im the dominant type of guy. But my Question is how can i find woman or to be exact subs and get some connections. Ive tried some Websites but without results maybe some of u can help thx.

Im a female Dom and I like to tease my boyfriend/ sub in our day to day life but of course not allow him to touch me / have sex unless I want to. My favourite part is when he’s turned on so much that it’s almost unbearable for him but he can’t do anything about it until we get home and i decide to act on it

Do you have a list of things that you go through? Only things I can easily do I public please!

I wear short short skirts, stockings, collars, a butt Plug and send him a picture of it when we’re out for dinner

I have long nails and go up and down his back with them, I dance with other guys at the bar or kiss them while looking at him etc etc

Any recommendations / inspiration welcome, I wanna switch it up this weekend for Halloween!

Hi first post here, i would like some advice, since i dont want to fuck it up like i did last time

a liitle bit of background:

My wife and i have a pretty ok sex life, we have tried a bunch of things but never out of the ordinary, in the past he has ask me to pinch or bite her nipples a little bit, wich she seemed to enjoy but just a few times and then we return to normal foreplay/sex

the other night was different,(we where on the couch) she told me that she wanted me to be "rough" as usual, so i started doing what i normaly do, but due to a mistake i bite her a little bit harder than usual, wich ofc she screamed a little bit in pain but also pleasure, i reach my hand and... she was shoaked, and i mean... REALLY, so i decide to try and step up a little bit i insert a couple of fingers and started doing the usual, wich she seemed to enjoy, but i started to bite the whole breast not just the nipple, and hard, ( not VERY hard, but way more than usually) and she loved it, she started squirting like crazy (ive manage to do it in the past but this time was... WAY more than usually), she was so soaked and i was so horny that out of the blue i inserted a finger in her ass and... o boy we hitted the jackpot, double fingering made her again squirt like crazy, so after a few more inserts (i stopped and when to wash my hands troughly with soap) i started to rub her clit hard, pinching it and telling her i was gonna ass fuck her and make her clean all the mess she was doing... SHE LOVED IT, she was so into it i could feel her reaching to a huge huge orgasm, so i keep telling her how i was gonna assfuck her and what a little slut she was, and she replied that she was MY slut (( you may not find this important but in many many years that ive tryed to make her speak ( wich im in to) she never did and she stated me that she prefered to be quite so, this was a shock to me)) and the she wanted me to ass fuck her and made her lick it, so i was sooo so o horny and so into it that i took my hand out (wich was pretty much cover in her fluids) and told her "look what you did slut" and i shoved 3 fingers on her troath aaaaaaand... I FUCKED IT UP, she did not remembered i had in fact clean my hands, and tough i shove pretty much my butt assed finger on to her mouth, the mood was killed and i finish as usually

TDLR: wife seems to be into dom/sub thing i went overboard and killed the mood

I was quite shock by what happend and i never knew she was into the sub/dom role ( ive asked her what she wanted to do many many times over the years!) would like to explore this but i dont want to fuck it up again and kill the mood, so i would like some advice on what to do next or what would you recomend me to do

sorry for the long story /and/or the typos / gibberish, english is not my primary language and i dont want to use AI on this

Hello all,

I've been into ABDL from a very young age and whilst it has mainly been for psychological comfort when overwhelmed and managing emotions, there's no doubt it can be a turn on. I also, in my adult configuration, love to crossdress.

As an ABDL, I am drawn also to being a sissy. This crosses over into a femdom fetish in my adult life. I know this may be a bit heavy, especially for a first post but I was brought up by a critical, manipulative and domineering mother. Two of her forms of control were emasculation and humiliation.

My fear is that by getting off to being a submissive sissy adult or baby and allowing dommes control over me, that I'm repeating the abuse of the past and reinforcing submissive, passive behaviours. I've tried rationalising this by saying that as an adult, all of this consensual and boundaries agreed upon but it still doesn't sit quite right with me.

Has anyone words of wisdom they could possibly share?

Many Thanks

Is it possible to form a dom/sub dynamic with someone you’re not in love with or emotionally connected to? That’s the question I’m grappling with. I’m happily married and have no intention of falling in love or becoming romantically involved with anyone else. In my mind, my husband is my master, but in reality, he doesn’t enjoy playing a dominant role in the bedroom, and his love language is completely different from what excites me or aligns with my submissive fantasies. Because of that, he encouraged me to explore experiences he can’t provide, which led me to join Fetlife to meet others who might help me explore this side of myself. However, I’m finding it difficult to figure out what kind of Dom I should connect with, and the thought of engaging in a dom/sub dynamic with strangers feels intimidating. It requires complete trust, which means I’d have to invest time in truly getting to know them. Can I ever feel comfortable in such a vulnerable position with someone I don’t have a deeper emotional bond with? How do I navigate the boundaries between trust, safety, and intimacy in this kind of relationship? Can a purely physical dom/sub dynamic still be fulfilling without that emotional connection?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Last time me(F20) and my bf had sex, I asked him to call me things like slut, whore, etc just degrading stuff. He’s usually big into praise but the second he called me slut my brain just went fuzzy for like half an hour and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Only issue is, when I talked to him afterwards and told him how much I liked it, he said he didn’t and that he feels bad saying those things to me. I tried to reassure him that it’s fine but didn’t dwell on the topic. We even took the BDSM test together and his degradee and degrader kinks came back pretty low. Any gentle ways I can bring him around to it? Obviously I won’t push it if he doesn’t want to.

hey y’all i need some advice. ive been dating my bf for about 4 months now and he’s literally everything i want in a guy! (19F) (19M) we’re long distance so our communication is over the phone, we haven’t met. this is my first relationship. for context, i’m very inexperienced (never even kissed someone) so when he wanted to get spicy, i was a little nervous. phone sex is kinda cringe to me and i can’t fully immerse myself. and i was faking it everytime but once. i’m a people pleaser and didn’t wanna make it seem like i’m not sexually attracted to him, which i am but just not over the phone. and that doormat mentality bled into me humouring his piss kink. i’ve already addressed the phone sex thing by telling him that we should take a break(didn’t have the heart to tell him i was faking it) he took it well and respected my wishes. everything else about his sexual side is enjoyable except for the piss kink. i have to hold back laughing sometimes when he talks about me pissing all over his face or him in my mouth. i know that i dug myself into this hole by lying, which is sick and twisted, but i need to tell him before he comes to visit me for xmas. hes very big on hating liars so i’m super scared that he won’t trust me completely anymore. i’m aware that if i tell him this his trust levels will be warped regardless, but i just don’t want him to lose all of it. PLS HELP I LOVE HIM SM JUST NOT THIS KINK.

So I pegged my boyfriend for the first time recently; first time topping him and first time falling into a more dominant mindset since we first got together, and since we started incorporating more kink into our bedroom. I'm curious to other switches how often they switch between dominant and submissive, especially those in a committed and/or long-term relationship.

Mind you, my partner and I aren't the type to plan scenes in advance, or to really flesh out the details like you might think in a D/s relationship, mostly because we don't have designated roles. He's naturally taken on the more dominant role since we've been together but as of recently, I've taken control more often.

I'm only curious more than anything really; I know that after a long and tiring week for me, I would want to give him control and let him make the decisions and just do what he wants. In the same vein, I figure he would want the same. So I guess I kinda answered my own question but yeah, just curious what others do

Recently met someone on a dating app for open relationships and kinky people. We had the same kinks and met up for a couple dates and quickly realized that Were much more in the category of what both of us have been looking for in a longer term life partner type situation.

I have dated a lot been in a lot of long-term relationships and also had a few kinky play partners. But this would be the first romantic relationship. I’m getting into where there’s also a kink aspect involved and that feels confusing. I’m used to the beginnings of romantic relationships feeling a certain way , and having a kink dynamic, namely, with someone who identifies as a daddy Dom, feels a little confusing. For instance, we’ve been dating for about a month and a half, and he wants me to call him daddy. Which, in our situation with a lot of talked about mutual romantic feelings, forming that word feels like saying, I love you, which feels too soon for me. we are both very very excited that we met each other and I guess I’m just not sure how to blend the two things. He has been exploring for the last few years and it has really helped him find his masculinity. He feels like he very much identifies with the parts of being a daddy do that are outside of the bedroom. Caretaking, etc. Just solid masculine qualities to me for someone who identifies as being very soft and feminine, and definitely enjoys being taken care of by a masculine protector type person. It feels like the kink part is pushing the romantic part very quickly, which to be honest, seems OK because we are people in our 40s and both of us feel incredibly aligned, in terms of compatibility and who we are as people and who we are as parents to our own children and things like that, I am just not sure how to navigate the beginnings of a new relationship with a king dynamic mixed in it feels like the lines get very blurry