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We always need to make sure that we are for the people that have descended upon generations; making sure that people who work hard deserve fairness, and caring for everybody. It’s not just for the people of America, but for the people of Australia and all around the world, that we work together and forge a path to no wars and a safe environment for everyone. We can do that if we elect the right world leaders. Some world leaders behave like children, but we need to make sure that if we make the right decisions, we can have the world leaders who are responsible for everyone. I deeply congratulate president Donald J. Trump for his election victory. We wish you the best during your presidency.

Metro News Journal | Zetix026, a new independent candidate in Capricornia, was seen in Rockhampton City discussing the housing crisis.

“Hi there. I’m zetix026, your independent candidate for Capricornia. It is clear that here in Queensland, the housing bubble is simply unaffordable. We are behind most of the OECD for homes per 1000 people, and it has made housing costs skyrocket over the past decade.

Public transit is something that is very important in Capricornia. It is one of the important keys to keeping our country great, and public transit can play a role in housing too. Now, public transit is great, but if there are no homes built near it, then a lot of time is spent commuting, and therefore, there would be no need for public transit. I propose there be a zoning code, allowing more homes to be built near transit. Deals could be signed with cities, and if they agree to it, they could receive federal funding. Caring for municipalities is something the government needs to focus on, and that is why I propose this.

A reason why homes are not being built is because a lot of time is spent making and approving designs for homes. This costs both the homebuilder and the municipality money. In order to speed up the approval of homes, I propose a design catalogue be built, so that municipalities get to spend less time approving, and homebuyers get to spend less time making designs.

For all of you out there still renting, think of how long it would take to buy your first home? In many countries, this is part of the country's dream. If you work hard, you can buy a home. That’s how it used to be, but that isn’t how it is now. We need to provide benefits to new homebuyers, such as lower interest rates. The interest rate for the average Australian owning a home is over six percent. Yes, you heard that right, six percent, with 4.35 of that being the federal interest rate. This falls behind other countries such as Canada, the European Union, and the United Kingdom. Yes, the United Kingdom. A country with seventy-five times the population density as Australia, yet they still have lower interest rates. I propose that the federal interest rate be lowered to 3.5 percent for new homebuyers. That way, Australians can achieve the dream of getting into their first home sooner.

I care for the homebuyers, the homebuilders, and the municipalities. Who else does? Nobody.”

After the speech, zetix026 was talking to young Australians about what he would do as an MP to fight the housing crisis.

Benjamin Carter: This is Benjamin Carter reporting from Metro News Journal, Cairns. Recently, a speech was recently delivered by zetix026 on what the government should do to conserve salmon. Today, we are here with zetix026 himself to ask him questions on the points he has made.

zetix026: Thank you, Benjamin. I would first off like to introduce myself because many Australians do not know who I am. I am zetix026, your independent candidate for Capricornia. I was born in Cairns to two fishers. They taught me about the importance of fish while growing up, and how they are a piece of the puzzle to keeping Australia's economy stable.

Benjamin: If the salmon quota is reduced, it could cause more demand, which causes prices to go up. How do you think the demand should be handled?

zetix026: Thank you, Benjamin. I would like to say that I 100% understand the demand that salmon is already currently putting on Australians, and that a lower salmon quota might cause more demand. However, a lot of fisheries are wasting 35% of salmon that is fished. I believe that the government must encourage fisheries to waste less and use more with monitoring systems.

Benjamin: People say that lowering the salmon quota will affect fisheries on the short-term. How do you think the immediate economic needs of the fishing industry with the long-term sustainability of salmon populations can be balanced?

zetix026: Again, thank you for the question. On the long-term, the sustainability of salmon populations will be saved with this lower quota. As I have said, I believe the government must encourage fisheries to waste less and use more. Additionally, the use of certain devices could cause larger salmon to be targeted, while younger fish replenish and reproduce as time goes on.

Benjamin: During your speech, you mentioned switching to more sustainable methods for fisheries. How can fisheries can afford or transition to these more sustainable methods?

zetix026: Money is not everything in this situation, and fisheries should not have to be concerned about the money. The government needs to leave some fiscal room for fisheries, which I see them failing to do. Part of this should be funding at least half of financial subsidies for fisheries, and work to provide tax credits and grants to those who use these sustainable methods. A lot of these sustainable methods should not take long to learn and set up. The government should also work to provide free training programs for fishers to learn sustainable technologies.

Benjamin: During your speech, you mentioned studies on the marine ecosystem. Can you specify what you would want these studies to contain, and how they would address issues besides salmon?

zetix026: I believe that studies should be conducted at the end of each month in all main fishing areas of Queensland, with reports quarterly and annually. Quarter reports would have findings and progress from each month. Annual reports would be more detailed showing how sustainable the water is for species living in that area, and recommendations on what should be done to act on any dangers. They would address issues besides salmon because the whole point of marine studies is because salmon is part of a giant ecosystem rather than their own.

Benjamin: That is all the time we have for today. Thank you to zetix026 for being here today.

EpicMFan: Good evening, you're watching PSN at 10pm Eastern. Tonight, we talk about the polls. The Commonwealth comeback. And of course, the Lingiari election results. I have Mayo MP u/Model-YourMum on tonight...

Model-YourMum: Good to be here!

EpicMFan: First I must talk about the Commonwealth Party's return. First of all, this party is made up of one MP, that being now former SDP MP Cookie_Monster. Along with this are nmtts and 12MaxWild. And even a planned merger with the Liberals, owing to bring in a second MP. What do you think of all of this? Actually I just remembered they would have 14 Senate seats.

Model-YourMum: I think it's a complete joke I must say. I mean how many times has the CPA come and gone in this political landscape? How many times had the CPA been attempting to revive? The so called centrists aren't what they claim and they used to be. Australians are looking for new fresh options, the CPA has had their time too many times and needs to move on and try something far new than this crap.

'Commonwealth' very lame name for a very lame party. I'm disappointed that Cookie Monster selled out his values to return to the CPA. Not long since he was elected AS the SDP member for Sydney and to suddenly defect to the CPA is beyond a joke. I call on Cookie to resign from parliament and trigger a by-election to seek a new mandate!

EpicMFan: I perfectly agree with that. What do you think of the polls?

Model-YourMum: Very interesting is an understatement. What we're seeing now is that the people witness how this coalition government is operating and saying to themselves 'this system is a joke'. Reform is surging in the polls we attracting voters from all sides of politics and people now prefer to see more independents which I don't blame them at all given how broken this system is. We are the opposition to the SDP/CLP coalition.

EpicMFan: Are you planning on running candidates in the upcoming by-elections, then?

Model-YourMum: Yes absolutely we gonna place forward candidates to voters and tell them why they should vote Reform to take Australia back that we want.

EpicMFan: What do you think of the Lingiari by-election results? Were you surprised or not?

Model-YourMum: No not at all it was all gonna be a race between CLP and SDP and ultimately SDP came out on top. Two same parties fighting each other for 'nothing'.

EpicMFan: I personally was surprised, especially considering the relative popularity of s007 in the electorate. Are you concerned by those of late who have criticised your trip to China? What do you say to them?

Model-YourMum: I say to those who didn't like my trip to China, well listen to this:

These are the same hypocrites who say they wanted to fix the relations to China but critised me for doing EXACTLY that is beyond an utter joke. This trip was vital as I spoke to Chinese officials, an advice and hearing their perspectives on how we should move forward with this relationship that we must fix following the previous incidents with Jordology. This government should be GLAD that I am doing that and not getting mad about the nonsense.

This government says they plan to do something about the relations with China so far...nothing! Only me that have made an effort to go over there to restore love and peace.

This government wants hostility and hate! We need unity folks! We need the power of coming to together and unite! To the critics: you can go and get stuffed!!

EpicMFan: Why do you want cocaine to be legalised? Is it to crack down on illegal trades or to just have it recreationally?

Model-YourMum: Well since cannabis is legalised why can't we legalise cocaine?

The hard truth that some will refuse to accept is that there are many people out there who secretly sniffs these white powder and even recreational use for their sake.

Cocaine should be legalised and regulated and be treated like any other drug. I say we legalise it, let people do it for recreation but then we introduced guidelines to stop potential deadly consequences.

Former Prime Minister TSC legalised it during her term and it went perfectly well before Griffonomics repealed and made it illegal again. We should legalise it now again!

EpicMFan: That is all the time we have for tonight considering our half hour timeslot, so goodnight, Model-YourMum, and goodnight Australia!

Model-YourMum: Thank you its been a pleasure to be here. PSN is the best!

EpicMFan: You're welcome.

Good afternoon,

After a well earned rest following the trip to China which was a success, I want to bring you all a light on an important issue here.

Drugs - yes not just drugs but so called 'illegal drugs'.

If weed is legal drug then why can't cocaine be legalised?

Cocaine is a great drug that makes it fun to use and have an epic time. But on a seriousness note I believe there are many people out there who sniffs the white powder but in a secret manner.

We shouldn't be shaming those who do this rather we should make it completely legal, that it eliminates the black market and be regulated.

I call on the government to legalise cocaine and make people's lives even better!

Model-YourMum MP Member for Mayo

It's the morning in Cairns, Queensland. Zetix026, the new independent candidate for Capricornia, delivers a speech. He targets the fishers and the fishing industry, discussing what the government should do to save fishers in the long term.

"Hi there, I’m zetix026, your independent candidate for Capricornia. We have many big industries here in Capricornia. However, one is overlooked and is never talked about, fishing. Cairns is arguably one of the biggest areas for fishing in Australia. Fishing needs to be looked into, and must not be overlooked by this government.

Salmon is one of the most targeted species in Capricornia. However, due to this, the salmon quota has been going up, and the salmon population has been going down. Yet, there is still high demand for salmon in Australia, because a ton of salmon in Australia is wasted. I believe in lowering the salmon quota. In the long term, this will help the salmon population go up, and in the short term, I believe that we should encourage fisheries that heavily rely on salmon with grants to target more abundant species and conserve more salmon, so that less demand is pressured on them, and prices go down.

Illegal fishing activities are common in Australian waters, and I believe that we must find a way to prevent that. I believe that a dedicated fleet of patrol vessels shall be deployed along the coast of Queensland, and they shall have the ability to inspect and seize vessels, revoke fishing licenses, and issue fines, penalties, or citations. Just like the police on the street, but instead on water. In order to put patrol vessels to their full potential, patrol vessels should be equipped with the latest surveillance and communication technology.

While we must fish salmon to keep our fishing industry alive, it is more important to target certain sizes and certain species. I believe that the government should encourage fisheries to use by-catch reduction devices to prevent the unwanted catch of fish, and hook-and-line fishing to limit impact on the salmon environment.

Salmon is not in its own ecosystem, but part of a larger marine ecosystem. In order to ensure the safety of the water and its salmon, I believe there should be studies on our fishing industry funded by the government. Annual reports should be made available to the general public, with progress made to prevent a crisis and changes from the previous year. Quarterly reports should be made available, but focused more on the results found.

I care for the fishermen who fish the salmon, the fisheries who help with the industry, and the people who buy the salmon. That’s my vision."

Due to a sudden shift in personal circumstances, I am no longer able to fulfill the duties of representing Nicholls. I ask for the next MP for my constituency to continue to maintain links with local communities and legislate with them in mind.

In Solidarity,
Illogical_Villager

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It is highly likely that my two proposed bills, the Workplace Democracy Act and the Right to Repair of Computers Act will both pass the House. I believe that both bills will greatly benefit Australia. I would have preferred for the Opposition to critique my legislation instead of simply voting against it, as debate is neccessary for Parliament to function properly. The Right to Repair of Computers Act codifies a set of regulations that allow for easier repairs of electronic devices, mainly computers. They will benefit both professional repair shops as well as the general consumer, as they enforce a set of common-sense requirements for easier repairability without undue damage to the product's function. The Workplace Democracy Act is a major overhaul of Australia's workplace relations. German-style democratically-accountable works councils with extensive co-determination rights over matters such as the hiring of employees, occupational safety, and wage structure give workers a direct voice in the running of businesses and their workplaces. An ESOP with 40% of the employer's shares in a negotiable fund also gives workers a direct stake in the company they work at, improving worker satisfaction as well as allowing them to exercise their power directly if they wish. Finally, profit sharing gives employees a direct slice of the company profits above a certain threshold, which will encourage employers to not be too greedy with their profit margins. There have been a slew of bills proposed by other members of the government, I voted for all of them but I would like to focus attention on the Equal Minimum Wage for Disabled People Act. It is a travesty that this act was not passed sooner, and the Liberals voting against it is highly disappointing. Even worse, they provided no justification! I want an explanation.

After two weeks of silence, we finally have a government again. With a deal having been struck between the SDP and Country Labor party, CLP leader Gregor the Beggar has been appointed Prime Minister. While some are breathing a sigh of relief that where not headed to an early election, others are dissatisfied with what has occurred.

'There's been no caucus vote, no consultation over ministry's, we haven't even seen the deal!' one SDP MP told us, speaking on the condition of anonymity. 'What smug and the leadership team have done is sign over the prime ministership, the treasury, and god-knows however many policy concessions over to a party of regional interests that doesn't even run nationwide.'.

'It's simply ridiculous, especially considering that, once the senate is included, we have more parliamentarians than [The CLP], and they only have one more house seat, yet they get the two most important positions in government [The prime minister and the treasurer] while where left with the powerless deputy PM! Was the negotiation team even trying?'

'Gregor's spent his whole life fighting for the regions, and I respect that, but the Prime Minister has to be a uniting figure that can bring the whole country together, including urban areas, which a CLP lead government simply will not be able to do'

'Every government I've been a part of, MPs have been asked about what ministries they want, and deals have been presented to caucus for approval. None of that's happened this time; it's been 2 weeks since there was any sort of communication in the SDP group chat. Not to mention the fact that it's all been left until the last possible second!!'

It's also been reported to this outlet that the SPD caucus met immediately after the election results to vote on what relationship they wanted with the CLP; the caucus voted 3-2 to provide confidence and supply to the CLP rather than forming a collation. With the appointment of Smug Demoness as deputy PM, it seems that party leadership has ignored the wishes of their own caucus.

Time will tell if party leader Smug Demoness will be able to restore party unity after this controversial deal.

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PREMATURE COLLABORATION

Just nine days after the Country Labor Party secured the mandate to lead Australia beyond the current political crisis, Aussies are still left without a government to lead them. The failure of the Country Labor Party and their allies, the Social Democratic Party, have left many supporters frustrated and the nation in limbo. Both parties, although ideologically aligned on numerous issues have failed to solidify a power-sharing agreement that could see them lead government and enact meaningful change. While initial talks between party leaders seemed promising, it became clear that internal divisions and strategic miscalculations have led in a stall in momentum. The window of opportunity is closing fast, and the urgency to lead Aussies could not be any greater. Leader of the Opposition has yet turn on the pressure.

Will any agreement of government reach the President before the 15th?

In politics, timing is everything; and the recent federal election saw both the CLP and SDP make significant gains against their ideological counterparts, the Liberal Party of Australia and Reform. This places the CLP and SDP, who have historically been coalition allies, as being natural allies. However, with every day that passes without a formal coalition agreement, it is a day that strengthens their political opponents who continue to exploit the instability in this fragile coalition.

It still remains unclear whether any CLP-SDP government will be capable of passing any laws with a senate that bears no absolute majority. With the Liberal Party commanding 43% of the Senate Seats; and the CLP-SDP collectively controlling 50%, it makes Reform and the Northern Territory Liberal Party the kingmakers of government agenda.

Nevertheless, public sentiment is shifting and voter patience is wearing thin. The longer both parties delay in coming to an agreement, the more they risk in losing political momentum and in disappointing the very voters that saw them as a viable alternative.

"The CLP and SDP must recognise that forming government is not just a strategic option, it is a necessity", says Logan Schmuck, Professor of Law at Butterfly University.

The political landscape is fraught with challenges, and there is not much room for much hesitation. Both parties are acutely aware that if they do not unite by October 15th, then neither of them will have the mandate to govern in isolation. Although their policy platforms may vary slightly, but their broader vision on emphasising social justice, worker's rights and environmental sustainability aligns closely enough to warrant immediate action. Australia needs a government that reflects the aspirations of its people, and the CLP and SDP have a unique chance in delivering that, but only if they can set aside their egos and focus on the bigger picture.

For the CLP and SDP, the question is no longer whether a government can be formed—but rather whether they can afford not to. In the face of ripe economic challenges imposed by Chinese sanctions, in the time of a climate crisis, coupled with social inequalities, Australia cannot afford any more political inertia if these parties seek to deliver the mandate that they so painstakingly fought to achieve. If these parties fail to act soon, they will have squandered the trust and hope of millions who turned to them as the next leaders of Australia.

As pressure mounts from their base and the broader electorate, premature collaboration might be their only path forward—before it is too late.

NTLP LEADERSHIP SITUATION HOPELESS: NOBODY KNOWS WHO'S IN CHARGE

The Northern Territory Liberal Party failed to secure any seats in the House of Representatives, but surprisingly managed to hold onto one seat in the Senate. The party is dying in its influence after former Deputy Leader Jordology incurred an incident with a rake. With adiaus and aldermick being the final two registered politicians within the Northern Territory Liberal Party, it remains unclear which of the two will replace former leader Jordology to lead the Territory.

Insider reports indicate that 'nobody knows who's in charge or whether the party is going to maintain its status in the upcoming weeks'. The situation in the Territory seems hopeless, but ripe with opportunity. The Electoral Commission is yet to announce a date for a by-election for Lingiari; with most political commentators nodding at model-s007 to take up the mantle.

GRIMACE ARRESTED IN NEW SOUTH WALES FOR DUI

A large, purple, rotund, known as 'Grimace', being of indeterminate species was arrested for driving a ride-on mower down a street while four times over the legal alcohol limit.

Police allege that the thing, which is thought to be in its mid-40s, was driving the wrong way down Hunter Street in Sydney's CBD just before 4am on Sunday. When it was pulled over, he told the officer that he was driving his daughter home. No female occupant was observed in the ride-on mower.

When stopped and inquired as to whether his vehicle was roadworthy, Grimace replied, 'Gwimace?'. The officer replied: 'Not at 4 o'clock in the morning, and not drunk'

Grimace is expected to appear at Sydney Central District Court on Tuesday, October 8th for one count of drink driving.

What is to be Done? The Current State of Affairs and the Modern Crisis

PREPARED BY SMUGDEMONESS MP - 6/10/2024

With the Election finished and the make up of Parliament finalised, Australia stands with a left-wing Government at the helm that will form once negotiations are finished. The House of Representatives being a Left Wing Majority with a significantly small Opposition, but it is the Senate where the main politicking will take place, with the Cross bench being razor thin with only two seats, NTLP and Reform respectively. The Government will need either Party's vote to pass it's agenda, both of which having different priorities and goals in their own right. In this Article, we shall analyse the potential issues, challenges, priorities and other related subjects for the Government and Opposition, the pressing issues that we face as a country and proposed policy and other ideas that can potentially address these challenges.

The Current State of Affairs in Australia is one of Crisis, though it would be a mistake to say that this crisis is a uniquely Australian one. Obvious to anyone with even half a brain will tell you and be able to point to domestic and international examples of the modern crisis. Corporate Price Gouging, the Rise of Fascist Movements and Climate Change, on top of a plethora of other problems all interlinked and interconnected. No one country is capable of truly solving all these problems within a single term, which is why Internationalism is needed more then ever in order to work with other nations, especially in mobilising the Resources needed to ensure the damage of Climate Change is mitigated and that International Systems and Governance is capable of looking over the Refugees that will be moving out of the more affected areas. But to return to the Home Front, the Government and those capable of putting forward policy and legislation, we will need to break with modern political, economic and social Orthodoxy and will need to do so with purpose and with the goal to improve the conditions of the average Australian and those more vulnerable to systemic abuse and injustice.

Current Economic, Political and Social Orthodoxy often falls into what is known as Economism, the most obvious examples of this line of thinking can be seen in the Trade Union Movement where they solely focus on economic demands and nothing else, wages, working hours and benefits. While these are good things to focus on, what I am criticising is the sole focus on the economic issues to the neglect of others. Ultimately, not fundamentally improving the social position of the Worker, while negotiating is necessary for survival under the Capitalist system, it does not guarantee the Worker's political existence and in function. It obscures the underlying political stakes, using the economic concessions as a means to placate and keep the Worker's ability to live just secure enough to be discouraged from seeking greater Emancipation. To expand upon this towards others that fall into Economism, namely those that solely focus on supply and demand as the only important factors to take into account when implementing economic policy and to ignore anything else. This blind faith in the "Invisible Hand of the Free Market" can mostly be seen in those who subscribe to Neoclassical Economics, but they are not the only ones who fall into it, many do regardless of political loyalties. This Economic Dogma has been played out for decades and culminated in the Neo-Liberal Reforms first undertaken by Reagan and Thatcher in the 1980s after experimentation under the Chilean Dictator Pinochet. We as a Society need to break from this Economic Dogma and the trap of Economism, the promises made by Free Market Capitalism and it's advocates have failed in their project, assuming we take their promises at face value. What it has led to is the destruction of Social Cohesion, made the lives of Working Class people more insecure in their work and finances, made the Climate Crisis worse and has caused the Mass Impoverishment of countless people.

Due to it becoming a Dogma and treated as this infallible Doctrine of Faith, rather then a Science that must be scrutinised, reviewed and improved upon. The only solutions proposed by the advocates of Free Market Capitalism is to be more Free Market but more extreme, that we need less regulation, less oversight and further removal of Government. Each time this has been implemented, it has produced further suffering and driving more people into economic insecurity, further Trauma and poverty. While corporations become more obscenely rich and less accountable, it is with this historical context that explains the world that we live in today. The current economic system as it exists isn't sustainable and never been built with Human Wellbeing taken into account, we have turned Profit Seeking into a Rat Race to the bottom and removed the Government's ability to ensure that the worst excesses are curbed in the name of Social Wellbeing. We will need to implement a Program of Restructuring and Reorganisation, implementing laws that ensure that the Society that is supposedly meant to be in charge of itself has its own health as the first priority along with the health of every Citizen and Human within the Society.

The Current Crisis of Modern Capitalism is self-inflicted, the contradictions within the System brewing to a boiling point and the current Government will need to implement policy that ensures the general wellbeing of Australians are the first priority. This will mean reversing the Neo-Liberal Reforms and Introducing other ones that are Human Oriented, the best way to ensure that stability within Society is maintained means to ensure concessions are given to the Working Class, allowing them to take a slice of the cake under the capitalist system, along with making significant investments into the Productive Capabilities, Education and Health of the Working Class. This is because the Working Class are the ones who are spending, driving the economy through their work, producing goods and services. Along with paying for the basics of life, such as Groceries, Taxes, Bills and so on, Owning a Worksite means nothing if you cannot hire Worker's to Man and Staff it and this basic understanding of Human Relations has been forgotten, or better yet, deliberately kept from the Conversation as it goes against the Interests of the Capitalist Class, but to ignore this simply understanding of relations between production and ownership is to ignore how society as it currently stands operates.

Simply tinkering-around-the-edges reforms will not be enough to address the fundamental problems of Australia, instead we need to engage in a Program of Critique, introduce Reforms that drive towards the fundamental causes of the Crisis as it stands and ensure that current structures are ruthlessly and unforgivingly examined to ensure their function isn't counter-productive. However, while many wish to see these problems as Technical Problems that need Technical Solutions, it is anything but. We have the capabilities and Technology already to solve these problems, it is just that these problems are not technical, but instead they are deeply political problems that will need political solutions. However, these political solutions are often against the Interests of Capitalists, who seek to retain their dominance in the economic, political and social life of society and are perfectly willing to drag the world into Climate Catastrophe in order to retain this dominance. It is this dominance that we must fight against, on all layers of Government, Society and other aspects, and we must do this in the name of social progress because History is not governed by theory or planned, history is the consequence of every interaction from the smallest atoms to the universe itself, but this does not mean we should resign to defeat, what this means is that the future it not determined and is full of endless possibilities. Thus, for the sake of every Soul we must Seize all Tomorrows.

With all of the votes tallied, I have been re-elected as your MP for the next parliamentary term. I thank everyone involved in my campaign for their tireless work, and the people of Nicholls for giving me the opportunity to represent this wonderful constituency for another term. Rest assured, I have plenty of objectives I am working towards. My first objective is to ensure that Nicholls gets the representation that it deserves. I will co-ordinate with civil society, using the links that I have built up over my past term, and ensure that their concerns are heard out. My second objective is to finally pass a right to repair bill, focusing on computers, that would institute beneficial regulations to allow for easier consumer or professional repairs to these expensive devices, as all to often, manufacturers neglect or even deliberately sabotage this aspect of computing, and the same can be said for many other types of products. My third objective is to get Parliament to consider reforms to workplaces similar to those instituted in Germany, with works councils having co-determination over certain aspects of employment, such as hiring and wage negotiations. This reform, if passed, would give workers a direct voice and power over parts of workplace operations. It has already seen decades of application in Germany and other European countries, and, with appropriate changes, I believe that it can work here in Australia. Another part of the reforms that I will consider writing a bill for, after appropriate consultation with the appropriate stakeholders, is worker representation on corporate boards, between one third and half of the board. This, again, is a step that has already been taken in other countries with success, and I believe that it will serve Australia well if instituted.

To the great men, women, and friends beyond the binary, all that call our great community home.

THANK YOU MELBOURNE!

It is an honour to have been entrusted with this great office, and to serve as your next Member of Parliament.

I look forward to serving all of you for the foreseeable future and I hope to have not just earned your trust for this term, but for the long term as well, something I'll fight to keep.

I pledge to you today that I will attend as many debates as I can, and vote on all bills that come before the House of Representatives.

I pledged accountability and active representation and I'll deliver it.

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So Melbourne again, thank you!

• Rook_Wilt1 MP-Elect for Melbourne

"People of Australia, People of Lingiari

After votes have been cast and counted, one seat remains in doubt. The seat of Lingiari has been left without representation. As indicated by Former Prime Minister SmugDemoness on the electoral broadcast, I have been chosen as the SDP candidate for this electorate. However, I would like to officially announce my candidacy, alongside a few stances.

First off, Australia is still reeling from the chaotic Riley ministry, where the Liberal coalition lost all sense of the responsibility they said they represented, which was demonstrated through the attack on Chinese ships and ended with an SDP Prime Minister to create stability and end the Liberal Chaos. No matter what the incoming government formation looks like, I will ensure that your voices are respected in parliament and I will defend you, the Australian people, no matter what. We will keep public services public, ensuring that they work for you rather than their rich owners, all looking to rip you off. We will put forwards and negotiate an indigenous Treaty, ensuring that those who have been disenfranchised and ignored for so long will finally be able to represent and decide for themselves. We will nationalise major industries, ensuring that they work for those who work them rather than for those who own them. No matter what, you will be the ones who will hold the real power.

Second off, I will apply our programme and simply our programme. I will not make shady backroom dealings to rip you off, to rip your votes off. I will not work with those who do not have your interests at heart. I will not support bills that harm your interests. I will vote and fight to apply the SDP programme, ensuring that Australians can finally live in financial peace and ensuring that we can prosper as a nation. When I say the programme I mean all of our programme and only our programme.

Third off, I will give you the right to speak in parliament. I will hold regular mobile offices throughout Lingiari if elected. It won’t be as a campaign stunt, it won’t be as a way to feign interest, it will be to allow you to speak through me. I won’t simply hold them in Darwin either, the Northern Territory is much more than its capital. All citizens deserve a voice, not just the few elected to parliament and not just those in cities. I promise that I will take your statements to Parliament. I believe you deserve a say and unlike others, I don’t believe your say should be heard by attacking businesses or places or worship, I won’t defend those who do, nor will I double down upon awful acts.

You deserve better, you deserve leadership. You deserve someone who will fight for you in parliament, rather than fight you in the streets.

Thank you and I’ll be seeing you on the campaign trail. You deserve proper representation. You deserve a voice."

Journalist 1: "How do you expect to win the electorate? The other presumed candidates have a much larger implantation and have run before, how could you even win?"

L: "Well, this by-election will not be a simple fight of popularity. It’ll be a fight for representation and proper representation. My presumed opponent has a history of extremist behaviour and hateful rhetoric, the people of Lingiari deserve better than that and I will ensure that my message doesn’t ring on deaf ears."

J2: "Why should the people of Lingiari trust you? For many this seems like a parachute candidacy sent by the party leadership into an open seat, why would they trust you?"

L: "Well first off this isn’t a parachute candidacy, I’ve been implanted within the local SDP for quite some time. I’ve been implanted within the local community for some time as well, though it is not a secret that I wasn’t born here, I don’t believe that my presumed opponent was either, so I don’t see why this should be a controversy of any kind."

J3: "Okay but why are you running exactly?"

L: "Because I come from a working class background, I’ve seen first hand how successive governments have ignored or even harmed us. We’ve seen privatisations, austerity measures, we’ve seen repression, what we hadn’t seen for a long time though was hope. The recent SDP governments did bring that and not just for me. That is why I am running, in order to advance Australia towards a fairer tomorrow, not towards pain, suffering and crying. The people of Lingiari deserve better representation. They deserve people who will do more for them than fight protestors in the streets, they deserve better than fascist and hateful rhetoric, they deserve better than launching EMPs at Chinese Ships.

I will not be taking further questions, thank you for your time. I will be responding to your inquiries."

Again, this is in no way a criticism of the exec board or any situation currently before them. This is a shitpost, a joke, which I made because I am bored. That's it.

This is in no way a criticism of the exec board or any situation currently before them. This is a shitpost, a joke, which I made because I am bored. That’s it.

Jordology saw that though a bush nearby was on fire it did not burn up. So Jordology thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.” When Lucy saw that he had gone over to look, she called to him from within the bush, “Jordology! Jordology!” And Jordology said, “Here I am.” “Do not come any closer,” Lucy said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is socialist ground.” Then she said, “I am the God of your polsim, the God of Trees, the God of the ALP and the God of Poseidon.” At this, Jordology hid his face, because he was afraid to look at Lucy. She said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in AusSim. I have heard them crying out because of the mod cabal, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the executive board, and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with, well, chaos.

(Full, written book to be released soon)

In past elections, the race to represent the seat of Lingiari has been a competition, if not necessarily of wits and minds, of policies and ideals. The Northern Territory is one of the most sparsely populated areas in the country, and by far the electorate with the highest Indigenous population. Voter turnout is often low in remote areas, so much of the game is a competition of outreach. You'd expect any serious candidate to focus on that ground game, on reaching out to people where they are, putting in the work to represent the Territory.

Unfortunately, this election has seen one of the most vapid, insubstantial, and utterly devoid of substance campaigns that the Northern Territory has ever seen. Both of the most prominent contenders for Lingiari -- the Country Liberal Party's Model-Jordology and independent model-s007 -- seem to have delusions of grandeur bordering on Napoleonic, wasting their time with appearances on American podcasts. The sight of some of the Northern Territory's highest-ranking politicians admitting to "hitting that nose candy" or discussing Ozempic use with the Hawk Tuah girl is absolutely deranged, but also completely and utterly useless to discuss.

No, what interested this writer the most was something else. The sight of Charles Darwin University lit up in protest, as if it were Columbia or Berkeley, after the appearance of model-s007 for a "No Woke Zone" event. The battlelines were, speaking truthfully, boring and predictable. model-s007, the independent, playing the role of the populist demagogue speaking truth to power. He begun with an utterly brazen lie, claiming that the drama society of Charles Darwin University had cancelled a production of William Shakespeare's 'The Merchant of Venice', using it to segue onto a rant about transgender inclusion.

I could run you through the whole event -- from the shouts of "Nazi scum off our campus", to the small group of students who attempted to rush the stage, to the candidate's shit-eating grin as he left the university, to the cowardly lies told by Objective journalists the next morning, but I don't really think it's worth it. model-s007 got what he wanted out of the whole ordeal -- he got to whine in the press about how intolerant those damn students are and about how they can't handle a real debate. And it's bullshit, of course. He was at Charles Darwin to argue against strawmen.

So, when your opponent does everything he can to drag the campaign away from real issues, and onto attacking Muslims and transgender people -- who's combined population in the Territory probably stands in the double digits at best -- how do you, the opposing candidate, respond?

The best move would be not to, of course. To let your record speak for itself. You don't need to argue against the the viewpoints that Muslims stone gays and sports scholarships are being handed out to men in dresses. Let your record speak for itself.

Instead, the Country Liberal Party's Model-Jordology decided to join his opponent in a race to the bottom. He closed his campaign by proposing marriage to his wife, which the brainless media feted as a celebration of love. In response to model-s007's manifesto -- which contained no mention of Territory-specific issues, nor any proposals specific to the myriad remote and Indigenous communities in Lingiari -- the CLP candidate declared that "unicorns do fart rainbows" and spoke about his "transgender Palestinian best friend".

Model-Jordology's social media team chose to celebrate these comments by posting a clip on set to Charli xcx's "360". At the end of his campaign, the candidate himself promised a "range of videos and memes" that would be "brat".

It almost beggars belief. You could create no better argument for a vote for model-s007. If this -- fake-camp videos that are a shameless and pathetic attempt at virality, and attempts to redefine Charli xcx's "brat" aesthetic as a balding politician from Darwin who almost triggered a war with the People's Republic of China -- is all that his opponents have to offer?

I despise bullies in politics. model-s007 has run a campaign based off nothing but lies, fearmongering and hatred. A win for him would be a vindication for politics based off nothing other than shameful attacks against the most vulnerable in society. But if Model-Jordology, the Deputy Prime Minister, is re-elected, it will be hard to see it as a win for anything other than the most vapid, empty, and devoid politics possible, which thrives only off the appropriation of slang terms from white gay people on Twitter, and views the people of the Northern Territory with thinly-veiled contempt.

You almost miss the days when this was a game for serious men and women. Sure, they were liars and thieves out to get you, but at least they had to play the game of seriousness. They had to actually deliver, or at least look like it. But here, voters face the choice of candidates who could not respect them any less. One who offers nothing but a Reject Shop's JD Vance, and the other who views the world through a sickly, lime-green prism of deceit and arrogance.

Reporting from Darwin, I'm Gretchen Vaughn.

Australia!

To celebrate the end of my campaign, I have started a 7-day long celebration, that will consist of a range of videos and memes! How fun!

Enjoy the party!

It’s gonna be brat!

EpicMFan: This evening, we have Hotham hopeful Avtron!

EpicMFan: What do you think of the current SDP government?

Avtron: My opinions on the current government are very mixed. Whilst I believe they have delivered quite a few important projects to level up regional Australia, I simply cannot condone them entering into a coalition with Jordology’s “Country” Liberals.

EpicMFan: What business can we expect from you if you win your seat?

Avtron: I hope to introduce legislation that will benefit the local communities of Hotham and regional Australia as a whole. I would also like to be active making press and rebuking the false claims of other parties.

EpicMFan: What should Australia's stance be on nationalisation and privatisation?

Avtron: I think there is a place for private enterprise in our economy right now. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t support nationalisation of key infrastructure and organisations that make a loss serving regional Australia.

EpicMFan: The Liberal government were all about the culture war, but what about you?

Avtron: What I care about is the class war, perpetuated by the few against the Australian many, and the war waged by urban Australian elites against the hard-working people of Hotham and regional Australia. Not some made-up cultural war.

EpicMFan: AI is making big gains in politics, but what's your stance?

Avtron: AI poses opportunity and a threat in equal numbers. I strongly support using AI for purposes such as medicine and science. However, bad actors could easily abuse it to make false information, deepfakes, and the like.

EpicMFan: Thank you for your time.

Avtron: Thank you.