He's really getting in my head lately. I used to just brush off his comments as a bad joke, but the more I think back to the number of times he's said it, the more I realize that he may not be joking, but is half serious about it. There are many topics that he rambles and rants about and sort of is pressing me into doing something without actually making it sound like he's pressuring me. For most stuff, I don't give a damn and just don't respond to these things, but when it comes to dating, I'm starting to get more and more irritated.

I have a crush on a white girl and from what I know, she loves to play soccer and is outgoing. She is definitely no loser person who has no hobbies and stuck at home with no life or friends. I realize that her character is nudging me into this motivation to be better than the quiet skinny guy who plays video games all day or browse the internet for some short oxytocin. Now technically, I was already doing better two years ago when I signed up for a gym membership. I already reached my first goal which was to gain 10 lbs of muscle. Now, the next goal is to move up until I get the desired shape I want. At least I'm not fat, so I don't need the effort to lose fat. I also signed up for a pack of boxing classes because I realize that I enjoy doing the activity. Hopefully, I put full effort into it to do some sparring because that shows that I put my true heart into the hobby.

The main problem that's getting in the way mentally is my friend, other geeky Asian guys who aren't extroverted and my parents. My parents, they stand in the way in terms of my hairstyle mainly. They're not the unreasonable ones who can't tell muscle from fat, but if I want most hairstyles, my hair has to be at a longer length and they will not accept me with hair length growing past my ear. But other than that, they know nothing of my social life so I could technically hide any relationships any time so they're not really an issue. The biggest issue comes to my friend. Since my crush is I believe in quite a few ways better than me, that is she has hobbies, is active and talks to a lot of people. Whenever I express doubts about being able to attract this high value of a person, he always exploits my uncertainties to always repeat this same BS: "that's why you should date nerdy Asians." He sometimes does so in a mocking chuckling I-told-you-so way. I know he's serious because this is his preference. He always follows by a ramble at how because we're both quiet people with not a lot of friends and proceeds to attack people who are extroverted, confident and talkative, he always concludes that's why I'm better off with quiet people.

Seriously, just F off. Just because he likes quiet people, that he has a problem with people who are talkative, it doesn't mean I'm exactly like him. The only thing like him is that I am shamefully also quiet, as much as I don't like it and now vow to phase out of this state. But seriously, out of all the girls available, he has to choose the worst ones. I'm keep telling him that despite his lies that they're the best, they're far from it. Every interaction I had with quiet people in class, they speak too quietly and are tremendously boring with no personality or clicks. I know that because I used to be like that. Yet, he's delusional and thinks that eventually I'll come to my senses and follow his path. Speaking of his path, for him, not just any Asians, but has to be the ones that wear glasses and don't talk. It's like he's preying on the ones in the lowest leagues because they're not being picked by every other guy and therefore, they're easy. Well good luck to him because these ones don't show a damn ounce of interest since all they're focused on is getting As in class.

Now I don't care about what his preferences are, but the problem is he tries to tie me into it. He's using the pronoun "we" a lot when it comes to his social problems. I can bet that in a few years time when I come out of school an outgoing person, he'll still say we're both shy, we're both introverted etc. Now, my goal right now is to become more extroverted. I can't stand being disabled where I can't hold a proper conversation with anyone that I want. So I set goals to improve; a growth mindset that I've been taught is important. Now I'm using it. But when I told him about this, guess what? He didn't give a damn. Even tried to say stuff to drag me down and prevent me from trying, saying that I will always be like this because that's who I am. My coworker, who is the same type: wears glasses, doesn't talk a lot and cynical, he thinks I'm being fake and that I'm only pursuing boxing just to fit in. Then there's that fat guy I met at school and he says "oh, white girls don't like us Asian guys, you can tell by her face that she doesn't want to talk." Seriously, what is wrong with these people? When I try to say I want to be better, they try to talk me down. When I begin being better, they say I'm fake and in denial. Even if I was trying to fit in, it is in the end, my choice and my path. None of their business. Then again, I hear stories from people having been cut off because they say, quit their engineering job to start a business and so are no longer part of the stereotype.

I'm not sure if my recent irritation is due to my current feelings for a girl, not knowing how to get her and them saying unhelpful things that is discouraging me from being better or are they actually trying to judge and micromanage my life, having that crab-in-a-bucket mentality as some say. I don't want to block him because he's been pretty much the only guy that I am close enough with since elementary and I'm not able to replace him because of my social skill limits, but at the same time, he's just becoming more frustrating. I don't want to experience heartbreak because I fail to find the bravery and game to talk to my crush like I did for the past 5+ times. At this moment, I'm just doing things in defiance of everyone telling me to get in line. No, I won't accept that. I will make myself higher value so I have opportunities to date girls at a higher level.

You’ve heard it a million times: Asian women hating on Asian men for showing interest and using the argument, “He thinks he’s entitled to my body just because we’re both Asian.” But here’s the thing—if the same attention came from a guy of any other race, it wouldn’t be called entitlement. So why is this label used against Asian men?

What if the Asian guy is simply interested because he finds her attractive, not just because of shared ethnicity? The issue isn’t that an Asian guy is pursuing her, but that she’s projecting an assumption onto him just because he’s Asian. This isn’t about entitlement; it’s about the stigma attached to being an Asian guy in our own community.

And we all know this: everyone is free to date whomever they want, and everyone’s preferences should be respected. I’m just here to point out the extra layer of BS Asian men often have to deal with—where interest gets labeled as entitlement simply because of who we are. It’s time we recognized and challenged these double standards within our community.

Got a perm Friday and I’m trying to make it last as long as possible (they’re not cheap lol)

But the consensus is 48-72 hours of wait time then I can shampoo it. My question is, I’ve waited for more than 48 hours but I’m always paranoid of making the perms loose and not lasting long.

My question is, I’m waiting for the full 72 hours, permed Friday evening, but is there really a difference of washing my hair at like 65-70 hours in vs 72 hours on the dot?

I (26m) have been losing my hair since I was about 18-19. I’ve always had a good amount of success with females of all races even with some recession at a young age. However, it’s always been a huge insecurity of mine. Last year my hair had thinned so much and i could not really pull hair off without having the ultra balding look. I decided to shave it off. I felt so much better doing this but I still wear hats all all the time - I’m just tired of being a hat prisoner and feeling insecure all the time especially at what’s considered to be my prime. I just want to enjoy my 20s-30s without having to worry about looking weird because I have a young face and a balding head. I also just don’t have the head shape that looks good bald lol

It’s also gotten to the point where I know it is reducing my dating pool significantly. Having nice hair as an Asian is such a benefit.

I’ve been on the fence about a hair transplant because I tried taking finasteride when I first started noticing the hair loss getting worse at 20-21, and i noticed some side effects like fogginess, reduced sex drive, etc. the thing is, I was only taking it for about a month before I quit. I know that I will need to be on fin because I am still balding so after the transplant, my pre existing hairs on my head will continue to fall without it. I’m trying to weigh out the pros and cons. But I am definitely leaning towards it at this point.

Anybody else have a similar experience or have gone through with a transplant? What steps did you take and how are you doing now?

This is by no means a fat shaming post but rather a health awareness post that we need to be aware of.

my Chinese family's medical history has a lot of diabetes, heart disease and cholesterol. Many of my relatives older relatives have these health issues in spite of being by appearances, skinny or slim by North American standards.

In an attempt to not meet the same fate I stay active and watch my diet. My doctor (who is Asian) alerted me that the BMI (Body mass index) is skewed towards Caucasians and blacks and that given Asians' general finer bone structure the ranges of bmi's for categories of underweight, normal, overweight and obese that's used for initial assessment should not be used without adjustment for asians. Many asians fit into "normal" on the bmi but are actually overweight when you account for their different body structure. Similarly those who are overweight on the Western BMI scale are actually obese.

he directed me to an Asian bmi calculator for Asians and Asian americans that has categories that more accurately reflect our different proportions. Again this is not to shame but rather to make us aware so we can take appropriate steps for our health and longevity.

https://aadi.joslin.org/en/am-i-at-risk/asian-bmi-calculator

Anyone on this sub is in Tucson, AZ, and wants to meet up offline for biking/climbing/food/chess/etc.?

What are some dating apps that you have found success from as an Asian guy? I've pulled from mainly Tinder, Hinge, Feeld and sometimes Bumble. Any other apps out there that you have found success from?

For casual discussions, shower thoughts, rants, half-baked conspiracy theories, or any other mind droppings.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFKaem3n/

Dragonfaced’s 🇱🇦🇺🇸 latest video is worth a watch—he shared election stats showing that Asian men actually had fewer Trump voters than Asian women. In fact, Asian men are the only ethnic group where more men voted blue than women voted red, which really challenges that “misogynistic” stereotype.

Feels like a solid response to the recent wave of Asian women creators generalizing or down-talking Asian men. Definitely a perspective worth thinking about before anyone tries to bash.

I have severe oneitis because she's the only woman who fell for me so hard and also the most attractive girl that I ever dated. Dated her from 19-23. Lost my virginity to her and did a bunch of first things with her. She had to break up because of her parents and the attraction was still extremely strong, she said many times in the start of the breakup she hates having to breakup with me and is only attracted to me and can't see her self dating anyone else (not true anymore probably), I thought we still had a chance.

She folded on the first time we met and we were making out the car after the breakup. We were going to see each other again but she kept being flaky and I got mad and blocked her. I blocked her several times thinking she's just playing me but I don't even know anymore. She said later on she was going to get back with me and see me on that day (but it would have been the day of that she decided :/) until I did that and that guilt trips me so hard.

But now, 3 months after the breakup I got my closure a few days ago that it's really fucking over. I had frame through most of the relationship but I really folded after the breakup. She doesn't want anything to do with me and is over me, although she doesn't hate me, I know she lost a lot of respect for me, even said herself that I'm different person after the breakup, very likely because I kept trying to make things work instead of having dignity.

I keep replaying events... The innocent boy inside my heart hurts so much, especially when she was a high quality one. My mind is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes I'm alright when I'm doing things with others but suddenly the memory floods in our the beta mistakes I made.

Fuck man, I feel like a loser. I got back and forth between she wasn't special to she was a really good one that I should have tried to lock down harder. Mostly just miss how she was obsessed with me and made me feel so much more confident, I'm a pretty short Asian dude and she was pretty short as well, but we're both attractive,nwe were a beautiful couple. It's hard for me to get pull the majority of women and definitely not like her, she came to me... I don't know how to escape this scarcity mindset when I feel so weak and discarded.

Sorry for sounding so pathetic but it's how I feel half the time these days.

How is it possible for an Asian person to support Israel. I am firmly on Palestine's side and I don't understand how any Asian, especially a Chinese person can support Israel. This is colonialist vs ppl who have no say in anything and the side with power thinks that they can do whatever they want to do. As an asian, think about COVID when ppl thought they could twist anything that Asians do and turn them into the villains. Now multiply that by 100 and anything the Palestinians do to defend themselves Israel will twist it and no matter what Israel does, the media and politicians will play them as the heroes and Palestine the villains. Summary, we have something big in common which is that media twists our stories and makes us look like the bad guys. I got an example, a few days ago in Amsterdam media played Israel as the victims even though the night before Israeli hooligans were disrespecting victims of Spain's flood, attacking an Arab taxi driver who was minding his own business and chanting death to arabs. I want you guys to reflect on this and reflect on your own situations and realize Israel plays the same games on Palestinians and that we have been victims of this as well.

Free Palestine

This is temporary dye and I couldn’t get it as white as I hoped. I’m thinking of doing this more conservatively by keeping my hair mostly black with white streaks that create contrast.

When AMs confront racism, it’s usually on our own.

In earlier centuries, AMs were lynched and murdered for daring to be in a relationship with a WF while WMAFs were given benefits by law.

When Simu Liu spoke up against the arrogance of entrepreneurs who wanted to erase the “Asian-ness” of an Asian product and implied that the original Asian product was inferior, he was ridiculed and gaslit by many including an outspoken AF.

When Elliot Rodger, a psycho who identified as a WM with a biological WM father, murdered AMs; somehow AFs blamed AMs as if his behavior was inherent of AMs.

In this video, it shows a WM wearing a Trump shirt arguing with a Latino employee at a Five Guys restaurant.

The WM calls him a “be*ner”. You’d think they’d get along since Trump got a huge portion of the Latino vote. I’m being sarcastic but whatever.

I wasn’t really surprised to see the type of racist WM we usually stand up against express his racist side, but what “almost” had me do a double take was the woman he was with. At first I thought the woman who was Asian and in close proximity to the racist WM was just another customer in line. My mind had a naive let-me-give-her-the-benefit-of-the-doubt moment before I realized that the AF was the racist WM’s wife or gf.

It’s hilarious that simps get mad at this sub for not worshipping the ground that AFs walk on, but there’s a reason why we don’t. And it’s because of shit like this.

Where is the “4B” movement from AFs for racist WMs like this?

https://youtu.be/mjPNw-z8rG0?si=Wa9SS8oaTK4FMBfG

Long-time lurker here, but of I’ve leveraged my Asian background for the past 3 years to score chicks from all over the world with incredible success. Never bothered with posting because I didn’t think my story was unique.

My latest Latin America trip was in Argentina, where I set up base in a coastal city called Mar del Plata for 2 months. I had so much success there that at my peak, 6 out of 7 days I would hookup with different girls. The last day was resting, not because I didn’t have another date planned, but rather I actually needed it to physically recover. For any of the bros going there, be sure to brush up on your Spanish. Every girl loves it when I tried to speak in broken Spanish, as they can see that I was trying. 

I met about half the girls I hooked up with on Tinder, but I’d say the higher-quality connections were almost always from organic encounters. My method was pretty straightforward: I’d scope out spots where girl are fanatical about Asian culture typically hang out, like bubble tea shops, Chinese or Korean restaurants, and K-beauty or Asian snack shops. Most of the time, when I’d show up at these places, I’d notice girls sneaking glances my way, which was basically a green light to approach them. In the early days, my Spanish was garbage, so it didn’t always go well, but once my Spanish improved, my success rate pretty much shot up to 100%. The key to not get scammed is to remain cautious and never flaunt money too soon.

My most memorable hookup was with this absolute 10/10 dirty blond I met while surfing. She was way more experienced on the waves than me, and we hit it off right away. She gave me some tips, we shared a bunch of waves, and honestly just had a blast messing around in the water. Turns out, being genuinely curious about what someone’s into really works wonders. After surfing, I took her to this fancy steak place (where the steaks were only $8 and wine bottles were $3—crazy, right?), and then we ended up back at mine. Good times, for sure.

However, the honeymoon phase eventually came to an end when she began opening up about herself. It turns out that she was a lot like me in personality and was also in the same phase as many Asian bros like myself. She had an ugly duckling adolescence because she was fat and no one wanted to be with her romantically, and it wasn’t until she reached young adulthood where she lost all the extra weight and obtained a model-like figure. The sudden fluctuations in sexual marketplace value completely changed her personality as well, where she was almost having revenge sex with as many hot guy she came across just to make up for the hole left by her childhood.

I see so much of myself in her story, where we had huge pressures and downtalks from our parents & society, and were undesirable until very recently (Thank God for K-Pop & K-Drama). We are also doing what we are doing to heal our own childhood trauma, and we can pull it off because of the drastic change in sexual marketplace value in certain parts of the world.

I knew that it was the end—my days of carefree fun being a “manwhore” are numbered. Although I love the thrill of be with new girls everyday, I am starting to feel that the hookups weren’t giving me lasting fulfillment. I knew that one day I would be with the hottest girl, have the greatest sex, and the orgasm would make me feel nothing but emptiness inside. It is time for me to figure out a responsible move and settle down.

Now what? I didn’t think I wanted to get married; was I more scared of divorce or terrified of a miserable marriage? Currently, 56% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, not including the unhappy married couples (we all know more than a few IRL), so let’s leave the actual rate of failure at 75%. Would you trust something that fails 3/4 of the time? Thus, I researched extensively on what it takes to have the most successful marriage. After hundreds of research papers, I present 2 of the most significant stats:

1. A study from Brigham Young University stated that married couples who only had sex with their spouse have a 45% satisfaction rate in marriage compared to only 14% for those with 10+ previous sexual partners (a whopping 3x difference—indisputable evidence for Pair Bonding).
2. A study by the National Association of Marriage Enhancement found that couples who pray together daily experience less than 1% divorce rate. No other variable comes even close.

I am now certain of what I am looking for in a wife, and have made considerable efforts in creating a list of 20-25 potential candidates. I will be making the trip in December to meet them in person and shortlist the most compatible one. If things go as planned, I will be married by this summer. 

However, my story doesn’t end here. Although December is fast approaching, I wish to head back to Latin America for “an extended 1-2 weeklong bachelor party” sometime in late Nov – early Dec. The reason is that I need to get rid of the remainder of the “passport bro DNA” out of my system, and I want to ride off into the sunset with my head held high.

This is an open invitation to all Asian bros who see some association with my story or just want to go all out with good company.

I love Latinas but have more trouble meeting them than Asian or white girls.

1. online, I only match with Asian or white girls. Latinas I match with usually aren't as attractive as the Asians/white girls (a bit overweight, bad pics etc).
2. where do I meet em in person in SF? Any activities, clubs ppl recommend?

I really like this movie, part of it bc I’m from Shanghai, and it’s about finding roots and identity. Ken Leung did a really good job in this movie.

Everyone here is always asking for representation but those that have an AM don't do very well so here we are.

Hopefully this one does well and this time he doesn't die. The director is also the same one doing the Freaky Friday sequel with Lindsay Lohan and she is casting Manny Jacinto as the husband in that one so she seems to have a pattern.

https://youtu.be/h-pTTVXfNcc?si=s2WnhQnRu-PgkEHp

We all know the prominent creators like Jasontheween, Viet Trap, William Li, Eric Ou, Edward So, and more. But who are some lesser-known voices in our community who deserve more attention and support?

JT Tran is an Asian dating coach. All of you guys should know him. If not he’s the only Asian man in this world that is truly trying to get us fucking laid. This man’s sole purpose and occupation is getting our Asian brothers some pussy. Like he knows all the issues we had and he studied and learned how it remedy them. Everything socially this guy mastered for Asian men. Everything this man does it is for Asian men’s romantic lives and future. Follow this man. You don’t gotta pay for his course but stay in touch with him

A while ago I met Dragonfaced, a Lao creator based out of Boston. Imagine a Lao Mychonny, but Kevin Nguyen. He’s mostly known for his partnership with Sabaidee Fest, a music festival showcasing Southeast Asian culture in a unique way. Lao creators are extremely rare, they usually stick in their own communities. Most people can’t even name a Lao person let alone a creator. Me being also Lao im biased about dragonfaced but he is someone we should uplift Into the main stream Asian network. There hasn’t been a Lao person like him.

Certified Chang is another powerful voice. He is the epitome and should be the face of our sub. His content promotes Asian masculinity with an honest approach and emphasis on dating and relationships, while also calling out self-hating asians who undermine our community. Giving life advice. Although he isn’t very active, when he does post, he addresses social issues with depth and clarity.

Then there’s HearMiaOut. He’s a New Yorker who embodies Asian masculinity with respect for tradition but brings a grounded, street-smart perspective to his content. More of an information reporter than a traditional creator, he raises awareness on key issues and encourages real discussions within the community. He’s genuinely interested in the perspectives of Asian men on various topics, creating a space for thoughtful dialogue. He has certain days where we showcases other Asian creators like “Asian influence Saturday” “Asian artist Monday”. He’s like the big cousin we all had.

Who else should we be paying attention to?

My Dad is Chinese, and my Mom is Vietnamese

It feels like Vietnamese communities are a lot more willing to help each other

Where as with Chinese, it feels like everyone is out for their own - and they gate keep each other in terms of success

This is broad strokes obviously - and there will be exceptions and outliers, but generally speaking this is the vibe I sense

What is the experience from your perspective?

I recently discovered a Latin club in my local area through Instagram.

I looked through the pictures and not surprised to see the majority people are of Latin background lol

I do find Latinas attractive as I grew up in an area with high number of Latinas and those of Hispanic background

However, I noticed there is absolutely zero AM in the pictures, very very rarely I would see 1 or 2 AF but they were with other Latin women so probably going out with their friends. I thought whoever was posting the pictures just selectively posted mostly Latin folks but even in some photos that were zoomed out that were showing the entire club, I still could not find any AM.

I have experienced that Latin women view Asians favourably. I do decent in dating in the US but when I visited Mexico last year and I got so many signs of interests in public compared to here in the US, during the day and at night clubs. My online dating app went crazy as well.

I was thinking of going to this Latin club but I am curious how I would be perceived being the only AM there. A little worried about being the "outsider" and not being welcomed.

Any thoughts?