the only available copy i have found is on internet archive and someone has borrowed it. I won't have access until that person checks it back in.

BTW, why is this digital copy limited availability? it is digital format.

hopefully there is a short time limit. i am in a meeting using it right now.

Hey ya'll -

My husband (who is an AA member) and I are curious about AA meetings in Costa Rica - He is relatively new to the program (53 days sober today) and we're nervous about the availability of meetings on the island. We're currently considering going down for 7 days around Christmas time. Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated! He also has struggled with drug use, so that is also a concern of ours (specifically the availability of certain drugs at or around meetings).

Thanks in advance! :)

Hi there,

I have tried to stop drinking many times in my life. I would not say I’m an alcoholic/addict. I can go weeks or months without drinking, and when I do drink, I can drink in moderation. The problem is, I never seem to be able to permanently “quit” drinking. A party comes around, or another event that I feel I want to drink at, and I decide to say “fuck it” and get drunk. The issue is that I pay for it with my mental health for days, or even weeks after words. I struggle with intense anxiety, my OCD flares up, my sleep is terrible, I wake up with a racing heart. There’s also times where I drink and for some reason, I feel ok the next day and have no issues. I also definitely rely on alcohol in situations where I have social anxiety—like dating for example. I really just want to cut alcohol out from my life completely, but I feel like AA is maybe not a place where I really belong because I am not an alcoholic. Alcohol isn’t wreaking havoc on my life, it’s not ruining my relationships, I’m not doing things drunk that I regret — I just can’t seem to permanently quit, and I think I would like to.

I am wondering if there is other people at AA meeting similar to me, or if another support space would be more appropriate? I understand that AA is for anyone who wants to stop drinking but I also wonder if I would really “belong” there?

Thank you

I quit alcohol 4 days ago, trying to, Since then i been only getting alcoholic beverages ads on youtube, i never ever got them before i quit. Becareful.

Today I declined alcohol with all my power I drove by at least 3 liquor stores (Rum and Wine are the go toos) Then I went to the grocery store to grab some things for a soup and what do I see WINE on the shelves at first I thought it was dealcoholized wine.. Then I saw it had alcohol in it 👀 dodged that bullet.. my boyfriend told me he couldn’t come over and if I had already been drinking I would have caused a major fight. We are already on separated terms because I had a glass of wine last time he was here and screamed at him for the laundry 😭 had that fight not happened he would have been here tonight…

Anyways I took the text just fine and I did call him and he explained his weekend with his son and how he (who never ever drinks) had a couple beers and peed on his shoes at a sports game lol cute But the call went well and I’m sober from alcohol and I didn’t let any emotions take me down. I’m going to take a melatonin and head to bed get rest for a good day at work tomorrow ♥️ One day at a time

The title says it all tbh

please approach the newcomers

Pretty frequently at meetings I'll see members with time not approach the newcomers after the meeting, The justification I often hear is:

"if he wants it bad enough, he'll walk over and talk to me"

But in my experience, and from what I've witnessed, walking over and saying a simple hello and a handshake to the newcomer makes THE WORLD of a difference

Making the newcomer feel welcomed and not outcast in meetings makes the world of a difference

That's all, thanks for my lil "rant" lol

Would it be inappropriate to bring my small sewing project to a meeting and quietly work on it in my lap? This is only my third meeting and sewing always relaxes me. But if it’s going to be a problem, I’ll leave it at home.

I (22 f) think im going to go sober to save my relationship.

I don’t drink often, only when at a party/event. However my tolerance has gotten pretty low (especially since I take anti depressants) and I have a hard time saying no to doing shots. I have tried time after time to monitor my drinking and not go over board, but I just can’t. I don’t know why I can’t, but it has happened way too many times where I plan to drink responsibly and then I end up blacking out.

Over our 3 years of dating, my boyfriend (24m) has had to be responsible for bringing me home and i hate embarrassing him and myself. He has had talks with me about this and I hate disappointing him when it happens again. I’ve tried to hold back and sometimes I succeed, but once in a while it happens again.

I honestly don’t think I’m capable of drinking responsibly. Once I get a couple drinks in me, I just want to have fun and end up overdoing it. I think it’s time I quit alcohol completely before I ruin our relationship. He’s already had enough of it and although we have a very strong relationship, if anything were to break us up, it would be the drinking.

I just want to share this for support. It’s a difficult decision but I know it’s one I need to make.

When I make myself of service by chairing a meeting or getting involved in a committee I find that I open myself up to a lot of criticism and I’m not good at dealing with criticism. I am sensitive and my feelings get hurt fairly easily.

Any recommendations on how to move through this? I will continue to pray on it. Most of the time I can pause rather than reacting but it’s still pretty difficult. I have 18 months and I can see this becoming a resentment that leads to choosing the bottle again if I’m not careful.

Hi everyone

My mother is a solid alcoholic and apparently for the past two months my mother’s condition had spiralled out of control. We live in different cities quite a few hours away so a lot of the rough drinking and other behaviours were hidden from us as a family.

Anyway, things took ‘n turn for the worst the past few days. Her new boyfriend (dodgy fucker of note which we also as a family did not know of) brought her to hospital. Internal bleeding and cirrhosis. She has been put in a sleep coma since then to keep her stable.

My sister and I have been doing damage control ever since. We must pay employees with money we don’t have, we must sort out her tax which had been neglected for years, we must also pick up the pieces of this piece of shit boyfriend that encouraged her to drink. She has also been incredibly reckless and negligent with her money and the money she inherited from our dad. Despite numerous pleadings and hours of us begging her to get help, she did not comply and continued with her habits. My sister and my mother do not have a good relationship, however I have always tried to preserve peace with my mother and be a good kid despite my flaws.

Does anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with this? Or what I should do? On the one hand my heart breaks for her and I do not wish her current situation on my worst enemy, but on the other hand I cannot help but to feel apathetic, as my pleadings fell on deaf ears and instead of listening to us when we told her over and over she needs help, she ignored it, slept around, wasted money and her neglected her health that is now costing her.

Thank you.

I’m thinking of doing an online meeting but I have never done one before so I’m very nervous 😭 does anyone know if I’m expected to speak and have the camera on? I am an emotional mess right now and really down over my behaviour under the influence. This has by far been the worst mistake I have ever made while drinking!! If anyone could give me some insight into how the online meeting works I’d be forever grateful 🙏

Does anyone struggle with actually not wanting to stop drinking?

I’ve done everything I needed to stop drinking and have been sober for a couple months, but I truly enjoy drinking. I enjoy the moments surrounding alcohol, even though it messes up my body for days. I enjoy the person I am throughout drinking as well. If it wasn’t for my health deteriorating rapidly, I wouldn’t want to stop drinking.

EDIT: Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done plenty of stupid shit but it was because of drinking while detoxing/hungover. Those were the times where I was at my worst, but those moments also brought fun memories (that I remember).

Any have advice on this point of view?

My boyfriend had been sober for about 400 days, with dui charges and and ankle monitor that I believe made it easier to get through the first year of sobriety with him, but we have only been dating 4 months, so I don’t have much of clue how that felt and looked like for him. Recently there have been some changes He is an amazing man and all I want to be able to do is support him to the best of my ability

A month ago he got the monitor removed, and has asked me if we could drink together many many nights since then, which I already noted as a concern.. but talked with my friends and came to the conclusion moderation can be a healthy way to fix bad habits…but is that how sobriety really works? Is cold turkey the only way?

And I’ve said yes 3 times, once at party with his old friends, which went very well, and twice at home. All of which went well nothing bad happened he didn’t go overboard in any way, so I thought.

He recently admitted to sneaking my fathers alcohol from the garage, which I know lying about those things is a very natural reaction, but I know it means he’s taking steps backwards, and the fact that he cannot be fully honest with me hurts, and I think shows what a real problem he has with the substance.

How do I make him feel my trust and support, so he can be open and honest about what he wants sobriety to look like for him and what it should look like for him.

I would also love any advice on what his sobriety should look like or any recourses that would be helpful for me as a partner. I want to be able to help him, but I don’t know what the right way is, and I’m not sure if I have just been enabling him, or if finding balance is a healthy way to move forward at such a young age. Please any advice would be appreciated, I will gladly answer follow up questions

TL:DR from a partners perspective with no experience, what is sobriety supposed to look like and how can I best support my partner in it.

I (25 F) am newly sober and in AA (30 days tomorrow!). My dad (61 M) is an alcoholic. He is trying to get sober as well on a similar timeline. Both of us have tried getting sober before but never tried AA. We failed, naturally. I don't think my dad can make it very much longer with no support system around him. He thinks he can, because he's stubborn. I have really been enjoying AA and found a community and it feels more possible for me to live sober. My dad doesn't live near me, but I have been calling him to share anecdotes and what is helping me. He has been averse to AA for a long time because of the religious connotations, and although I think its mostly an excuse, I could use advice on how to talk to him about that. He seems more open to it now after hearing me talk about it. I know I can't force him to want to do this, but I really do want to try to help. He lives near Austin, I was hoping to take him to some meetings with me when I'm visiting later this month if anyone is familiar with groups in Austin. I have been going to a lot of queer groups where I am, and I think he's jealous of the fact that I have been able to do that lol. He likes the idea of more "forward thinking" groups, and nervous about heavy religion affiliation. So I don't know, any advice on this helps!

I’m wondering can anyone please help me to forgive myself for saying horrible things While intoxicated. I feel like I cannot live with the regret… help me please 😭

Hello everyone! Just finished my first 90 in 90 today. I've never successfully completed this before and thought I would leading into 20 years of sobriety. Thing is, I now feel very burned out on AA and don't feel like attending AA at all anymore.

Does this technique really work for people? Is it just feeding our addictive tendencies to overdue good things? I really don't think I can recommend this to newcomers note that I've done it.

Curious what others think?

I recently had to go to the ER because I got a uti and an ulcer and while there they said that I was on the verge of liver failure. On that day I stopped drinking and I had no severe withdrawals besides grumpiness so I was really excited because the previous time I tried to quit drinking my withdrawals were terrible.

After three weeks of sobriety my coworker came in with a bottle of Gatorade and asked me to try it because it was a really good flavor. I took a sip and it tasted like vodka, I immediately felt terrible. I had told her earlier that day that I was 3 weeks sober so I was upset.

The rest of the shift she kept drinking the Gatorade and I stayed calm but then later she went on break and brought us back a buzzball each. Because I am an alcoholic, I decided one buzzball wouldn’t hurt because I had already ruined my sobriety and a small drink wouldn’t hurt.

My natural instinct after work was to buy a couple beers and “start over” on my sobriety the next day. Now it’s been a couple weeks and I have drank day and night every single day. I’m so disappointed in myself but I’m so frustrated that she would trick me into drinking when I told her I was sober.

I’m going to start to sober up again but it’s going to be hard because my symptoms of withdrawal are back. I work almost everyday and my schedule is super busy so I don’t know what I can do to force my natural instincts to just drink even when I don’t want to. I literally will feel so sick and I continue drinking but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

I found out that alcohol was actually my god in my whole life. Now I decided to quit drinking but it's not easy. I tried it several times but I can't do it. Now I try AA on Friday. Wish me luck. Just wanted to share.

There is no method or discipline or system of any kind that can ever command the spirit to be present.

~Tom Sampon

A man in the process of growth and recovery asks the question, "How shall I develop a relationship with my Higher Power?" The first answer is usually, "You can decide to be open to the spiritual messages that come your way." Some experiences in life can be mastered and directed, as in performing a task or going on a trip. We can have other experiences only by being receptive. They come our way, as in the growing of a friendship or the unpredictable events on a trip.

To be receptive, we must not be so busy with what we can control that we fail to notice all the experiences that are there for us. Our senses need to be open to see what is around us and hear what is in the air. We must breathe in the beauty and pain of life. When there is a message in our experiences, let us read it and not demand it fit our narrow, logical minds.

Today, I pray that I will be open to receive the spirit on its own terms.

I have a possible upcoming amends that I need some advice for.

My(37m) father is an angry, bitter, closeted alcoholic, and a few years ago, I went no contact with him with the caveat that if he got help, I would be willing to reopen the relationship. He has expressed no interest in changing, and has expressed hatred towards me for taking this step for my own well being. This has been a huge relief in my life, and has enabled me to take ownership of my life as I left religion and began my sobriety journey in earnest.

I’m working down my amends list, and only have a few immediate family left. He is one of them. He has done and said some terrible things to me with no remorse or attempt at repair, and I’m tentatively happy with the no contact. Whenever we read “How it Works” in a meeting, I think of him as the person “constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.” He seems to see me as the family scapegoat, and I don’t know how to own my shit without giving him a bunch more ammunition to hate me for. Amends with him is something I’m interested in for my own growth and development, but I’m not sure how to even approach it without pointing a finger.

Every time I contemplate doing them, I feel like some of my character defects and behavior that led to my drinking and drug use had been, in large part, a response to his abuse and neglect in our relationship that never really worked. How far back would I go? How do I own my own side of the street and move forward with so much of my own personal pain unresolved? My sponsor had me work through relationships with friends and amicable family first, and now I’m down to the tough ones that require more tact and internal strength. It’s complicated, and I am just curious if there is any experience, strength, or hope out there as I examine the toughest of my amends.

Does some mystical being/entity really keep you sober? How does a doorknob keep you sober? I’m genuinely intrigued by this and want to understand. I am not a troll.

Today I’m turning 22 and I recently decided 4 days ago to stop drinking after I noticed I’m having a lot of health issues. I knew I’d had an issue with being able to drink normally since I was about 15 but it worsened this past march after a breakup and if I’m being honest I don’t remember at least 60% of 2024. I just know there was a lot of embarrassment and experiences ruined due to my binge drinking and inability to control it. I also noticed patterns on times I’d drink more and how I was feeling in that moment, I thought I didn’t have a problem because I “rarely drank alone” but that was not the case. This day 4 days ago I also went to the gas station for a soda and the cashier was surprised to see me not purchasing alcohol for once, which obviously didn’t make me feel like a winner.

I know 4 days isn’t much but for someone who used to finish a handle of fireball and/or 14+ beers a night it’s a big step. So far I’ve noticed my inflammation going down and my rosacea on my face going away. I’m also having less stomach issues because I’m not heavily drinking or uncontrollably eating like shit because I’m drunk. I’ve also stopped hearing voices that weren’t there and haven’t had a night terror since last Thursday, night terrors happened multiple times a night when I was drinking the heaviest.

I live with 2 other people that have an alcohol problem and are arguably circling the drain a lot worse than I was. I expressed that I’m definitely doing dry December and possibly just quitting drinking all together. Due to my genetics and my impulsiveness I’m just not someone who should really be drinking. They made fun of me immediately and called me lame. Said how am I gonna celebrate Christmas or new years without alcohol. They’re upset that I don’t want to go out tonight which kindve makes me feel as if they’re using my birthday as an excuse to get plastered. I say that because that’s what I would do.

It’s rough living in a house with basically no food and a fridge and cabinets packed with liquor wine and beer. 2 days ago I think I began experiencing slight withdrawals because I was cold trembling sweating profusely and could not stop thinking about the alcohol in this house but I was able to take a shower and get to sleep which was probably my biggest victory yet. Has anyone experienced trying to get sober while living in a house of heavy drinkers?

TW- ED

I’m trading one addiction for another. Goodbye alcoholism, hello orthorexia.

DONT COPY ME.

There's a few of them in the big book and I knew a guy in the rooms who had a flash/bolt moment. Did you have an alcoholic epiphany?

I struggle with alcoholism for years, since I was 13 I believe, I can't remember last time when I actually was sober, I drank every day, if not every other day. I was sober for good 2-3 weeks but i relapsed this morning, at 6 am. I wish I didn't lie about every single thing, how I feel, what I'm doing or how I'm doing in my life, I need to lie, feels wrong if I don't, I lie that I'm sober, haven't drank in months but in reality i've been drinking every day, I'm so tired of it but it feels like only way to cope, because of alcohol I've ruined everything, my social life, status and myself, but at the same time it doesn't bother me, because I know I can drink any time and forget about it, the worry and stress just vanish, I tried to cope other ways, smoke, eat.. anything to satisfy myself but NOTHING beats taste of alcohol and feeling of it, I just hate it. I was sober once for 2 months, but those were WORST 2 months of my life, I hit rock bottom.

I don't know if I will ever stop drinking, but I want to, it feels 2 sided. What should I do? Drinking is so normalized in my country, there isn't much support for alcoholics, I grew up in alcoholic family myself, study and work, it feels like reward and all this is excuse to drink.

From all this drinking over years, I've changed to worst, can I even ever change?

basically i (22f) am going to hit three months sober on the 9th. about a month ago i got a sponsor. shes really great and has done an excellent job taking me through the steps so far

im pretty sure we are on the fourth step, i started writing my flaws and assets

heres the thing- i dont know if im ready to move forward for two reasons. first, doing the steps is something i want to put my all into. but right now im working full time and in school full time so i dont exactly have the amount of time to work on the steps as much as i want

second, i just dont know if im emotionally ready. on top of school and work im also bipolar and my mood has been really unpredictable lately. i have a lot of trauma i need to work through in therapy. im just not emotionally ready to start to get into the deep stuff that goes along with the steps

so what do i do?

when i first started seeing her she told me that if im not ready then im not ready, and that she stopped the steps before because she wasnt ready to change

i feel bad because i used to call her and talk everyday but i went kinda MIA the past week and haven’t called her

im thinking about calling her after work and telling her how i feel, but im just really nervous

Hey all. I’m not going to go into the depths of my story but to keep it brief, my journey to sobriety started a few months after I got out of an extremely abusive relationship with my Ex of 4 years who was an IV drug user who relapsed 2 years into our relationship. I self medicated into oblivion and it led me into rehab and the rooms.

I find my self relapsing every 30 days like clockwork and although I accept responsibility for that I’m really at a point where I cannot make peace with the constant harping on how “selfish” I am as an addict. Inherently I know as an addict when I relapse it’s selfish. That I’m not just hurting myself but I’m hurting those around me who love and care about me. But being an abuse victim I almost recoil and the whole idea that all of this is my fault. I heard that enough. I’m not asking for a justification I just genuinely am hoping someone else out there has experienced getting past something like this

I have no idea if the love of my life wants to be with me- I broke her soul from the drinking, and I did all I could to get sober for her, and now I’m sober for myself- but I feel like she sees that wounded suffering agitated drinker- the alcoholic who could not embrace the world, who would lie about my drinking and couldn’t be trusted, who could not see myself and take accountability until I hit rock bottom- and I feel like I’ve broken her. I fear that she will only ever see the wounded version of me, when I have never been so in love with sobriety after 6 months of tip toeing and crying about it. I know I can’t ever drink again- if I did, I’d end up losing my job, losing my home, losing myself- but it’s so hard when I feel like I’ve lost her and I wanted to make her proud, I wanted to give her a life she deserved. I pray to my HP, and I try to find signs why the one person who I’ve loved more than anything had to suffer- the woman who held me during the shakes, and the DT’s, making me vegetables and salads, the woman who drove me to my first meeting and gave me a cup of tea joking I should get addicted to that instead, the woman who has so much warmth and light and flare in this world I could not be more luckier to know, let alone to love- even if I am loving on the outskirts.

I’ve never sat with myself fully in sobriety as much as this last month- the fellowship in my local area wrapped their arms around me when I was honest about my still mental obsession to drink, and reading the big book, meditating, finally learning to surrender- everything is so much more intense and liberating and so my soul aches for my love even more. I struggle with the guilt, and I know that’s a dangerous road into self pity which helps no one’s- but I feel so lost without her, I feel like if I had quit drinking even a few months before I had in May this year, she could’ve seen my potential.

How do I deal with the guilt of being a complete mess- what if I don’t have what it takes to be a good person when sober, what if I am going to be toxic forever? I never want to be that person who drank 1.5 litres of rum every day, sleeping on plastic bags of sick because I couldn’t stand up to go to the bathroom- I want to be better and yet I’m so scared of what better looks like.

I know this is a ramble and doesn’t really have any direction to it, just need some tough love and a wake up call for being the worst partner to the best partner I will ever have.

If any of you recall my first post from last Monday, today marks a week of sobriety for me. I haven't felt this way in some time. I had a tough day yesterday (Sunday) and thought how nice it would be to come home and have a few drinks while watching my favorite television show, but while I was thinking about that, something came over me. I thought of how good of a day I had Saturday being present around my wife and extended family, interacting with my children, and not being under the influence. I remember how that felt and said, "Nah, it isn't worth it." So, I came home yesterday afternoon, had dinner, interacted with my family, and had a pleasant evening.

On day four, I started sleeping for the first time in a long while. With that increased sleep, I feel more alert and awake throughout the day, like my brain is starting to work properly again. I feel positive and hopeful about what other positive changes are in the cards for me.

Thanks!

I have been sober from alcohol & cigarettes for 1 month today and I am contently smiling.

Its been hard, as ive cut out several things at once- but one would lead to the other- it had to be this way. Its been hard to come to terms with something ive known for many years, but could never admit- even when I saw it on my friends & loved ones faces, even when I could feel it was hurting my inner child to see me go down the road of my alcoholic parent. Its been hard to face my life after an exceedingly tough year of spiraling towards rock bottom, losing jobs, friends, opportunities, sanity, myself. Its been a really tough pill to swallow and im so humbled and thankful to be here today with 1 whole month under my belt.

So here I am, more and more clear minded, getting back to hobbies lost, finding healthy ways to cope without numbing, showing myself that I can handle the clean up of this year without avoiding. I have more energy, motivation, joy, sensitivity, balance, humbleness, peace. And I owe it all to recovery, the people on similar paths as mine and a ever blossoming centering spiritual practice.

Thank you for being here and witnessing. Today, I will not drink with you.