I am a 33 year old, Indian American guy. There was a post here about Desis being toxic. I think there are toxic Desis, but not too many. In my family, there aren't too many.

What are toxic people? They are people who don't respect our boundaries. My parents were physically abusive but I don't think they were toxic. Maybe my mom was toxic. I guess toxic is subjective.

Physical abuse is definitely wrong. I don't think parents should be using that for discipline. Indian parents have to use better techniques.

I don't think my parents were toxic because they allowed me to do whatever I wanted, most of the time. My father said I can choose any career I want.

My uncle in-law was toxic because he didn't respect my autonomy. I don't know what he wanted from me. He didn't seem to want anything tangible. I guess he just thought it was funny to dictate my choices.

I've met some non-Desis who are toxic. One coworker in 2018, asked me if I ever had a girlfriend before. She shouldn't have asked me such a question because I wasn't her friend.

I started therapy last year and I got diagnosed with dysthymic disorder. It's a mild form of depression. My psychologist didn't tell me about it. Maybe he is using it for billing only.

Yesterday, I talked to my psychologist about not feeling love for anyone. I explained to him that it's probably because of my childhood trauma. I told him I was adopted at a young age. I told him, I don't know who my real parents are. I told him I have a hard time forming images of people in my mind.

He asked me if that is the reason I never pursued a relationship. I said no. I told him it would be difficult for me to feel love for a girlfriend/wife. He asked me what being vulnerable is. I told him it's about lacking boundaries.

I told him about my relationship with my parents. I don't remember my "mother" much. She was nice most of the time. Sometimes she was physically abusive.

I told my psychologist I can feel empathy and compassion for people. Love is much more difficult to feel.

I don't have trouble maintaining boundaries around normal people. My uncle in-law was highly toxic. I had trouble maintaining boundaries around him. I hate being told what to do in my personal life.

I think my "uncle in-law" thought I was a narcissist. He tried to manipulate me like the way psychopaths manipulate narcissists. He used similar techniques. I suspected he was a psychopath. Professor Vaknin talked about it in this video.

He was wrong about me being a narcissist. Maybe to him, I came across as a covert narcissist because I am shy and reserved. I can be talkative and assertive when I want to be. Maybe he thought I had a weak sense of self.

On psychology tests, I score very low on narcissism. On psychopathy, I score higher. I do have problems in my career and interpersonal relationships. My life has definitely been chaotic. I wanna make my life more stable.

I'm not sure if I externalize everything or internalize it. I don't know if I get a "narcissistic injury" when people give me advice. Narcissistic injury is when a narcissist feels insulted after someone challenges their grandiosity. When I was younger, I used to react aggressively with my dad.

Professor Vaknin has said many times that narcissists have an external locus of control. I don't know whether mine is external or internal. My self esteem doesn't get affected when someone criticizes me. If the criticism is destructive, I get pissed off.

I was shadowbanned from the narcissism sub. Maybe they thought I was trolling. My comments seem to be posting, but they don't appear there.

I'm seriously thinking about this. I'm turned 28 in a few weeks. And a Civil Engineer. But I just want to leave this country and go to another western country with an equal or better salary and life. I'm just really tired of the racism here. At the moment I make $112K (AUS) and have a Civil engineering degree from RMIT. But I want to leave.
Does anyone have any advice for me on this?

There are some things that normal people can do more easily than me. They are:

Form long term goals in their mind- I cannot do this very easily. It's only recently that I have been able to do this.

Form internal objects in their mind- It's almost impossible for me to do this. I don't have coherent representations of people in my mind. I can form opinions and memories of people.

Feel love- This is difficult because of the lack of internal objects in my mind.

These things are not a mental illness, but they are traits of certain disorders like BPD or psychopathy. I do suspect I might have one of those disorders. I have talked to my psychologist about it. He hasn't figured it out yet. Maybe I'm just very deceptive.

PS: It was funny that someone downvoted my post about the types of abuse I experienced. It seems like people on Reddit are just insensitive.

I'm a 33 year old, Indian-American guy. I've been using dating apps like Hinge, Dil Mil, and shaadi.com. I got diagnosed with dysthymic disorder last year. I probably have something else as well. Should I list mental illness in it?

I have experienced several types of abuse from people. They are physical, verbal, narcissistic, and sexual. I think narcissistic abuse is the worst. It removes the person's agency and autonomy. Then the person becomes dependent on a narcissist.

Maybe I experienced emotional abuse instead of narcissistic. I don't know what the difference is. I suspect my uncle in-law was a malignant narcissist or psychopath. Somehow he remained married to my aunt for 50+ years.

I wasn't around him much. He was emotionally manipulative. I think he thought I was gullible or maybe a narcissist myself. He tried to humiliate me around other family members. I didn't feel humiliated because I am thick skinned. It is difficult to make me feel humiliated or shamed.

The abuse I experienced, caused several issues in my mind:

Inability to form long-term goals

Emotional dysregulation

Chronic boredom

Fragmented identity

Most of the time, I don't show emotions. On the inside, I am dysregulated.

I'm not crazy in the sense of being delusional. I know what reality is. I just feel different from normal people. That's why I go to therapy.

I don't know if I have an ego or not. I have strong values like not drinking, not smoking, and other stuff. I didn't have any long term goals in the past. I have recently formed long-term goals in my mind. I had many short term jobs in the past.

I am also aware of my motivations behind my actions. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know my preferences for everything.

I don't know whether my locus of control is external or internal. I think it's probably internal.

I read a paper about the vulnerable dark triad. It is vulnerable narcissism, Borderline personality disorder, and factor 2 psychopathy. I don't resonate with vulnerable narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder. I only resonate with factor 2 psychopathy.

According to this test, I score higher on secondary psychopathy. On narcissism, tests I score much lower. I got a 6/40 on the NPI. The average score is 15 for American adults. I want to take other psychology tests in the future out of curiosity. Maybe I can talk to my psychologist about it.

According to some experts, psychopaths don't have internal objects. Borderlines have them, but they are unstable. Narcissists only have internal objects; they don't interact with real people. Psychopaths and borderlines are more similar to each other than narcissists.

Psychopathy is not a diagnosis, it's antisocial personality disorder now. Professor Vaknin thinks psychopathy is not a mental illness, because they are not delusional. I agree with him. In one video, he said psychopaths can be shy. I have always been shy.

I haven't been diagnosed with it. I'm not going to seek a diagnosis because I don't commit crime.

As an ABCD myself I have a specific view on pakistan and Pakistani culture and I am curious to know what others think about it as well. What does it mean to you to be Pakistani? What parts of the culture did your family value the most. When you think of a person living in pakistan what does that look like? if you could also include where your parents migrated from (Lahore, Karachi, Islamabad etc.) and what type of life hey had before immigrating to the West.

I am a 33 year old guy. I got diagnosed with dysthymic disorder last year. My psychologist did that after a few sessions and didn't tell me about it. Maybe it's not my real diagnosis.

I have been studying psychology for fun. It has helped me become self aware. Now, I am aware of my mental issues.

I have difficulty feeling love and hate. I can feel other emotions more easily like happiness, anger, sadness, affective empathy, compassion, fear (occasionally) and anxiety (occasionally).

Maybe I have difficulty feeling love because of early childhood trauma. I didn't have a good relationship with my mother. I was adopted, so I don't know who my real mother was. I've heard it's important to have healthy internal objects to feel love and bad ones for hate. The process to form internal objects has been destroyed in my mind.

It's difficult for me to talk about these issues because people think I am normal like them. If I tell my family I don't love them, they would be upset. Unfortunately, these issues are difficult to fix.

I would say I am 90% normal. It's easy for me to fit in. I think my cognitive empathy is a little bit impaired, but affective empathy is not.

After my father died, I haven't been able to feel love for anyone. I can feel empathy and compassion for people who I think are "good." Good and bad are subjective. Sometimes I confuse empathy and compassion for love.

I probably have a disorder (maybe psychopathy) that makes it hard to feel love. Maybe I have difficulty forming internal objects. In other words, I only perceive people as separate from myself. It's important to have healthy internal objects to feel love. I heard that from Professor Vaknin on YouTube.

I was able to form an internal object of my father and feel love for him. For my mother, it's more distorted. Both of my parents were physically abusive. One time I made a joke about sucking dick and my mom smacked me in the face. I was 8 years old back then.

I don't feel hatred for most people. They would have to do something very bad to me, for me to hate them.

I'm a 33 year old, Indian American man. I don't think we have different mental health issues from others. Maybe it plays out differently in Desi culture. I go to therapy once a month. I got diagnosed with dysthymic disorder last year.

My toxic uncle in-law pretended to love everyone. He had narcissistic and sadistic traits. Others maintained a relationship with him. Most people weren't able to tell there was anything wrong with him. Maybe normal people are not able to spot toxic people.

Affective empathy prevents me from harming people. I cannot tell what people's vulnerabilities are.

Hopefully, I will be able to love my future wife. :) Lol

I started a podcast about british south asian men. I think I’ve done a great job tbh. The only person ik standing up for this group. We need it, god knows that. But yk what?

I give up on us. We are the worst. Ironic I know to complain about self hate and say this but we are.

Azeem Rafiq gets racially abused for years at Yorkshire Cricket. He says even Asian higher ups gaslighted him.

All my work sent to Asian outlets - not ONE got back. Not one.

We are self hating, coconut idiots.

0 Brit Asian Premier League footballers. All the Asian journalists not one has covered it.

0 in charts. Not one covered it.

Complain about racism to other desis - they laugh at you and tell you to get on with it.

I’m done, I hate our people. We will never progress.

We are perpetual bootlickers. That’s why Black people do so much better than us.

Desi men (not all obvs, just a lot) are horrible to me. Sarcastic, rude, overly macho.

It’s like they think it’s cringe to just be nice. Everything a competition.

And they’re in denial about this. It’s like they see it as an achievement to ignore racism against them.

I finally somehow got the phone number of a brown man in media. Thank god I thought. He was a prick. I explained the football thing to him and he denied it and was implying there was no discrimination. He said I sounded very angry. I’m like well yes a bit obviously you coconut can you not see how bad it is and that’s why I’m calling I have things to say?

Text him after, complete twat. Rude and unhelpful. His profile pic is him with the whitest woman you’ll ever see. Blatant coconut.

I'm a 33 year old guy. I started therapy last year and got diagnosed with dysthymic disorder. I became aware of other mental "issues" recently. My mind functions differently from normal people's. My behavior is very similar to them.

I came up with a list of mental "issues" I have:

Inability to form internal objects- I cannot form stable representations of most people in my mind. I can form about opinions about them. It makes it difficult for me to maintain friendships and relationships. I was able to form internal objects of my parents, more so for my father. This is an article about internal objects. Melanie Klein came up with the concept.

Inability to form long-term goals- I cannot plan for the future.

Labile moods/emotions- I feel many emotions which I cannot control. It makes me vulnerable to emotional abuse.

Shyness- I don't like receiving too much attention.

Grandiosity- I am a little bit grandiose, but not as much as narcissists.

Chronic boredom- I feel bored very often. That's why I'm on Reddit.

Anti-authority- I don't like being controlled by others in my personal life.

Externalizing aggression- I get angry at other people sometimes, not myself. I don't get angry very often.

Impulsive- I do things without thinking about the consequences sometimes. I actually went to college impulsively.

According to Professor Sam Vaknin, these are traits of secondary psychopathy. He doesn't think psychopathy is a mental illness. I agree with him. I won't seek any diagnosis for it. I don't commit crimes.

Dr. Vaknin is a malignant narcissist. Based on his videos, he hates narcissists. I got shadow-banned from commenting on his channel. Narcissists like to censor people. I didn't even say anything offensive to him. Same thing happened on the narcissism sub.

I only go to therapy once a month. These issues cannot be cured because they're not a mental illness. Maybe dysthymic disorder is not my actual diagnosis.

hi friends - i am so glad to have found this community.

i am a 29 year old queer and nonbinary only child. i moved to the states w my parents when I was 7. since then we have had a really tumultuous relationship- lots of fights about cultural norms, becoming americanized, etc.

in high school i came out to them as gay and they did not take it well but eventually brushed it under the rug and acted like it never happened. it created more distance in our relationship, though. i knew there were things they didn't want to hear from me.

my mom found out that i was nonbinary when she saw a project i did used they/them pronouns for me in my bio. she was upset and said basically don't use those pronouns. this was a year ago and i was not going to let her determine how i identify so i told her that was unfair of her to say and we left it at that.

i've largely stopped talking with extended family. some folks i was really close with but overall i just didn't want to risk being myself and having my parents answer questions about that.

the consequence is though that i am not close to family. i have created my own chosen family. i live really independently and do my own thing.

my parents recently moved to india though and now everytime i call to talk to them i have to deal with questions about when i am coming to visit - which i tbh have no desire to.

i am scared of flying and have trouble with travel bc of ocd triggers. on top of that i do not want to spend weeks in a place where i have to pretend to be someone i am not. it sounds exhausting and awful

they are in town right now and we had a phone call from family in india and the question came up again. my mom promised them that i would visit when my parent's new house was done. when the phone hung up, i told her - i can't do that.

in order for me to be comfortable going to india - i need to feel like i am not hiding myself. i don't think its fair to expect me to use the little PTO i have on an expensive and time consuming trip where i will not be comfortable.

i know it will be mentally exhausting for me and i will just feel uncomfortable. but i can tell that this is so disappointing for my parents. my mom said she won't even read the resources i sent her about other desi parents accepting their queer children. idk what to do

i know they so badly want to have a strong relationship with me and vice versa but i need to feel accepted in order to do that. i don't want to be made uncomfortable for other people's comfort.

its esp tough bc i have no siblings. its just me :/

but idk i feel like the asshole - how do other folks deal w letting their parents down?

idk where to start and don’t want to make it insanely long but I’m really lost and could use some perspective and others who dealt/are dealing with something similar

my parents immigrated to the US around 1999/2000. I was born in india but grew up here and my brother was born in america. i’ll just cut to the chase: my parents (primarily driven by my mom) are hyper religious Hindus, as in I pray with proper priest clothing daily, got my thread ceremony done, do weekly abhisheka at home, say extra slokas my mom makes me say (brother is included but leaving him out for now as this is my perspective and I don’t want to speak for him tho we generally think the same way). also there are other things like certain clothes can’t be touched before/after shower, washing feet before meal, taking shower after taking a dump, certain food can go on certain countertops, fasting, cooking some days without onions/garlic, how basic household things are done, the list goes on and on. my brother and I are complete closet atheists but obviously have morals/care about being good people

my parents themselves had an arranged marriage with the horoscopes/religious considerations as well as family bullshit. they have a horribly toxic relationship and as the kids we’ve dealt with a lot of abuse of all kinds being in the same house. i think at least one of them would’ve realized they’d never work out if they dated/lived together for even a month before marriage, but still everything isn’t horrible every second. the extended family situation is also super toxic, especially my dad’s side toward my mom which i’ve always resented him and them for

i’m 23M, started working out of undergrad last year in nyc, was laid off, moved back here, found another significantly worse job I haven’t started yet. the job is remote but my parents are letting me move to another city (still miss NYC) in may bc being in a random suburb in a random state is mind numbingly boring. this is an example of how they aren’t horrible in every single way, as long as it doesn’t interfere with religion/being “Brahmin” and my life timeline of study until 22ish (for non medicine/law type stuff) -> get job, become “settled” -> wait for arranged marriage by 25-26 the same way they did it -> pop out a couple kids -> repeat cycle, then they’re ok. they will all come to help me move and do some religious thing that u need to do in any place. plus i somehow kept finding great south facing apartments which is like a cardinal sin so I compromised slightly on what place I actually got. and I ofc have to pray everyday without fail which has been the same wherever i’ve been. they talk to friends/family about how i’m “next in line” to get married off. the funny thing is I do want to find someone I love someday and have kids, but by figuring it out on my own (which is obviously a more western mindset)

speaking of which, they openly detest all western culture and my mom talks about how we were so lucky to be born as indian brahmins (wasn’t the caste system abolished ~75 years ago?) and about how the american ppl she talks to all wish their lives were more like ours (not drowning in debt, stable job, fewer health problems). but as someone that grew up here however sheltered of an environment I may have been in, as part of “studying until I get good job” in a decent school here, you have to learn to think for yourself and not accept everything everyone says as fact. this is very much unlike my parents who do/did every single thing their parents bc they’re wiser/knew better than the kid themselves. the culture thing is probably the second biggest issue after religion (i know those are also closely related themselves)

so anyway, my brother is going to college and they’re moving to the same area which is objectively a big move. losing my job (as painful as it was for me but who cares about that lol) pushed the marriage thing back a bit. i sometimes just want to fuck off and disappear (once i start the job obv) but the relationship with them is a lot more nuanced than that which is why just going NC isn’t ideal, at least immediately. they have pretty ordinary health problems for their age (blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid) that are managed by a pill in the morning, but i’m fairly certain my mom could have a serious health problem when she finds out even some of this (not creating drama, she actually has no identity outside her kids so this is ruining her entire world). but I know if i don’t do anything my life is basically over and I’ll never be happy (same likely applies to hypothetical wife as we would have little to nothing in common and she would have to move here)

i decided that I’m going to do something about it, but I’m concerned about 1) the health effects it would have on them + the abuse (my mom especially) would have to endure and 2) they are paying for my brother’s tuition as he isn’t independent yet understandably. for the second, I would do anything to support him so I guess that’s less of a problem as long as I keep a job myself.

once I move and get insurance, I’ll find an indian therapist (not out of bias but who else could understand this lol) which is not going to be easy but I’ll try my best. my mom is just way too close minded (my dad is too but to a lesser extent and I have other issues with him about what he’s done to my mom) for this to go over smoothly, particularly the non-religious part as that’s the foundation of our entire lives and where most of the rest of this stuff stems from. i’m just a hybrid of american and indian as much as they tried to keep me in their time capsule of india from 30-50 years ago so I have some western beliefs but also some indian ones that seem conservative by american standards. it’s obviously stunted me mentally and socially but that was probably easy to figure out and I don’t fit in anywhere it seems (not indian enough for “real” indians who came here for masters but not totally american either)

I can’t possibly include everything here but that’s a good chunk of it and if you read this far somehow, i can’t thank you enough, it really means so much to me :)

(FYI: i’ve never posted before today so sorry if I’m doing something wrong)

I am a 33 year old, Indian American guy. Last year, I was diagnosed with dysthymic disorder. I think I might have some other mental illness too. I talked to my psychologist about it. I'm sure he will find out eventually.

I talked to my aunt last night. I was feeling emotionally dysregulated. I have a hard time forming representations of other people in my mind. It is hard to explain to people.

According to Professor Vaknin, there are 3 components of empathy: reflexive, cognitive, and affective. I have all 3 of them. When I was around my toxic uncle in-law, I only had reflexive and cognitive. My affective empathy totally went away. Then when I was around normal people, it came back. It was interesting!

I saw a video by Professor Vaknin, which is the most disturbing. He said narcissists turn their partners into sadistic abusers without any empathy.

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I had a therapy session this morning. I talked to my psychologist about my lack of boundaries. I have a weak identity and self. That is mostly because I was emotionally abused when I was vulnerable. I was vulnerable when my father died.

I watched a video called Narcissistic, Psychopathic, and Borderline abuse, by Professor Sam Vaknin. I thought my uncle in-law inflicted narcissistic abuse on me. I'm not sure. It was definitely emotional abuse. He tried to provoke negative reactions from me by humiliating me in front of others. It didn't work for him. I didn't show him any emotions.

There was a post about Desis being toxic. I've only met a few toxic Desis. One, was my uncle in-law, and the other was my uncle. There are some things I disagree with my family on. However, that doesn't make them toxic.

Narcissistic abuse is very disturbing. It causes the victim to lose their independence and put the narcissist on a pedestal. My parents were physically abusive sometimes. They weren't psychopaths though. Their behavior didn't deviate from Indian cultural norms.

Currently, I do feel emotionally disregulated. I am impulsive and defiant in some ways. I have cognitive and affective empathy.

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Do you feel like people from the community - (Desi's especially) can get very nosy? are toxic people? especially when they could not get something they were looking for? They want to know everything about you?

How do you stay social - like going to religious events? gatherings for the Desi community? talk to others? answer about your work? wealth? school? if you do go to such events?

What are your strategies - we all need to be a bit social? How does one do that?

Pls all do share your opinions. So confused here and in a dilemma....

In my previous post, I mentioned going to therapy. I was diagnosed with dysthymic disorder. It's a mild form of depression. I enjoy therapy. My psychologist is a good guy. It is difficult for me to describe my mental state.

A few years ago, I questioned whether I am a narcissist. I started watching Professor Sam Vaknin's YouTube channel. I didn't resonate with what he said.

I have a hard time forming long term goals. Somehow I managed to get a Bachelor's degree. I work full time in a manufacturing company right now.

I also have a hard time forming images of others (except my parents) in my mind. In psychology, they call it an introject. It makes it harder for me to form bonds with people, places, and things. I do form opinions about other people. I can also recognize their faces.

Recently, I've been feeling anxious. I don't feel anxiety too often. Boredom is something I feel quite often.

Hi, not sure if this is the correct post for this, but I don't think anyone apart from the ABCD subreddit would understand.

I'm currently going through what I hope is the worst phase of "getting permission" from my parents to marry my incredible boyfriend. Long story short there is a lot of emotional manipulation, tension, pain and hurt and I'm hanging on for dear life. This has been hard, especially being an only child, but I am holding onto my happily ever after.

My partner is Chinese and my parents are Gujarati speaking very little English. But when they both try, they are able to communicate. Especially my mom.

I guess I'm just looking for some stories and maybe some hope. Any advice from people who were in similar situations, how it worked out and what does it look like?

Thank you 🥺❤️

I'm a 33 year old, Indian American guy. I started seeing a psychologist last year in May. I didn't choose an Indian therapist because my issues are not unique to Indians. I was diagnosed with dysthymic disorder.

I told him about my uncle in-law who died in 2021. He was a toxic person. He wasn't a violent person. He was just highly manipulative. He didn't talk about himself much. He didn't show any empathy or emotions. He just controlled people by lying.

I talked to my aunt a couple days ago. She didn't recognize his toxic behavior. Most of my other relatives don't recognize it either. My dad and another uncle in-law knew about him.

I don't know what he wanted. He didn't want any money. Maybe he was just doing that for fun. Maybe he was sadistic. He was married to my aunt for 50+ years. Many Indian people stay in toxic relationships.

I guess it's because good and bad are subjective. People think different behaviors are toxic.

Need some advice outside of family

I feel like this issue resonates a-lot with the cultural obligations as a desi child while also living as an american in an individualistic society.

I (F22) recently moved away from home to the DMV after graduating uni to live with my older sister (F26) and younger brother (M11). The reason I moved was because I was guilted, like most desi kids, to stay with my siblings and help take care of my brother as he attended a better school out here while my parents stayed back home in NJ. I’ve constantly felt an obligation to stay with my family when they ask (like living at home during uni even though I had a full ride). And because of this I have a lot of resentment towards them. But, while I always try to leave and even have the means to, I always stay (not sure if its cause of obligation or cause I’m scared).

Now, I finally have a chance to make my own decision as my older sister matched to a program out of state and my brother is moving back home with my parents. My dad would ideally like me to stay out here where I can rent out the home he owns to roommates (obviously am aware of how much a privilege that is). Or I could move back home with my parents. Or I could move out completely (with the small amount of savings I have). Part of me wants to move out where I’ll obviously struggle a bit, but finally have my own identity. But, another part of me wants to make my family happy and help them (while I could also save money and not have to worry about looking for another job).

One thing I’m constantly struggling with is building a sense of identity and becoming the best version of myself (which I never got the chance to do during uni). And I always assumed staying within the boundaries my family set always limited me. But, would I still be able to do that if I stay out here (not living with family, but still under their support)? Or should I use this opportunity to cut myself loose? Not sure if that made any sense, but let me know if I should explain anything further. Would appreciate any advice out of my sister who just wants best for the family’s interests not mine.

Hey, y'all. Recently, I created a new subreddit called r/DesiMensMentalHealth where South Asian Men can discuss their specific mental health issues in a supportive space. Just like this sub, I already have a disclaimer that this is not meant to be a replacement for therapy, but it can be a place for South Asian Men to find support and try to improve their lives by learning healthy coping skills. I would like this sub to grow and get more members as this is an issue that I am personally very passionate about. Feel free to join if you can, and spread the word!

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Cheers.

A few months ago my mother and father disappeared from where I live. I saw them walk out the door and never come back. Later on the same day I saw a woman resembling my mother outside the door. I let her in on bad judgment and realized even further she was not the same woman. Because I don't know how to throw her out she has been living in my home pretending to pass as my mother since mid-October. She mimics her by praying, giving advice, and performing household tasks but I fear it is all a ruse to get my mother's finances and throw me out of the house by feigning the identity through sincerity.

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The same thing is true of my father although the man who is posing as him in my home has a different leg structure and upper chest structure on the back side as compared to my OG dad. My mom look-alike face is like someone sank the puffed up face cheeks of my mom onto a goblin (they are depressed) and the chin is sunken into the face as opposed to the forward chin of OG mom apart from a head that looks like shrunken compared to egghead shape of original mom's head.

I got into physical confrontation with the imitator father in the kitchen one day and he told me he could arrest me and put me upside down in a cage which my father would never say to me. I feel I wouldn't hear these comments unless he wasn't related to me, confirming my doubts concerning his identity. The imitator father has a broken and rusted toe on his left foot terminating at half point where it breaks where as my father has a full toe that is rusted on his right foot. My original father and mother are nowhere to be found and police have not heard this as of yet.

My Sister and cousins have also fallen into human trafficking in Bolivia and Cuba. One day my sister disappeared from her home and on the FaceTime I saw a wide-eyed girl with similar complexion coming home in my sis's car (my actual sister has asian type eyes). She turned her attention to a strip of hair coming down her face, the kind of rounded strips a teenager would design onto the hair (different style from sister) and drew attention in such a way that as if it was an actress drawing attention to her face to show she is normal and related to us, but it felt fake. The cousins were told to follow a different group from France and got trapped on a flight to Cuba. This is where they got trapped.

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So with these problems what do I do to get the fam back?

I've been thinking of seeing a therapist about this even though it feels so minor, but it's clear to me now that it's an actual problem. I also wanted to relate to others here who feel similarly.

I grew up in a lower middle class part of NYC in a building with a lot of extended family, moved out to a lower middle class, spaced out, far less diverse suburb as a kid, and absolutely hated it. Partially because of extra bullying, mostly because I had to leave NYC.

The Indian population back then was small and tight-knit and to some extent, we all mostly got along. The image of India I had back then was of a hopeless hellscape that I couldn't be proud of. I posted about this before.

I had tons of trouble in school and thought I'd never graduate, go to college, get a job, lose weight, get married, etc.

The suburb browned up after I arrived, and I did get to spend some time in a brown group, though probably not enough. I did have friends the whole time. Now, the suburb is gentrified and fancy, in a great location, etc. I was warming up to it a lot, but for ~20 years my goal was to move back to that my NYC borough. I'll probably move back to the suburb later cause its great in a lot of ways, but I can't get rid of my attachment to the city. I'm actually cheering that crime is increasing and things are on the way to being affordable, cause its more like the 90s.

India is well on its way to becoming a superpower, the Indians coming or growing up here are super successful, and seeing others of us is extremely normal and common. We don't even register each other anymore, no effort to connect.

I was pushed through school, through college, got a decent job, house, lost weight, and I'm actively dating, but all of it was a major struggle. I do actively want to succeed in life now, but everything just feels like it's not supposed to be this way and I can't shake that feeling.