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https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/26/us/trump-canada-border-migrants.html

And now my stress has increased

I'm struggling with gender disphoriah I'm trans Pre hrt and I can't afford to go on hormones due to unemployment and the places that offer it for free I can't travel to any advice what I can do

I'm a 33M Indian-American. I remove toxic people from my life now. Previously, I felt obligated to maintain relationships with them.

ok so im going to a new school and the people i sit with are FINALLY inviting me to do smth with them and it's secret santa! not sure when exactly they plan to do it but it's not very soon for sure. this means ill actually be able to have a fucking friend group and not be a fucking loser anymore :) and my parents keep getting mad cuz im saying im not close enough to any friends at school so this is good. AAAND they're from my part of India (Telugu) plus a bunch of them were even born in india! at least 4 of them. so my parents should be completely fine. but there is a problem...

They're doing it with another friend group they're close with I think or people who're part of the friend group but just not in our lunch (we have multiple lunches). 2 of them are indian girls too (no idea what part but i don't think they can really be that picky cuz it's america?). But thing is, one of them is a guy and i think he's white or smth (i dont think i've met him but i think i might just didn't know. Wouldn't be a problem EXCEPT we're also doing it at his house...

so yeah. hes white, he's a guy, and my parents don't know him, or his parents. i tried to have a sleepover with a white girl friend one time and it ended in them screaming and beating me up, plus being banned from having friends not in that friend group. had a feeling that's how it would happen but my friends gaslit me into thinking that wouldn't be the case. now i have that exact feeling but like a billion times worse. and my gut feelings are always right about my parents mental issues, at least for my dad.

so what should i do? i'm gonna go over to one of the Telugu Indian-born girl's house and she has pretty strict parents too, so they just drop me off at her house. BUT since her parents are dropping both of us off at the guy's house they're probably expecting my parents to know about that and will mention it, so lying isn't a solution. and there's also a chance they'll just be like "u never mentioned them and we don't know them so ur not going!" like not even giving me the chance to GO AND KNOW THEM but haha. it is kinda far away so they should be able to "get to know them" in the process (hopefully cuz it is secret santa).

last thing: all the telugu indian girls' parents presumably trust the white guy and his parents, so they could try to talk to my parents. but my dad has his own unique issues that his stupid friends bolster, plus the not-knowing thing. and i cant make my parents and white guys parents know each other cuz it's gonna be too awkward cuz IDEK THE GUY. it's only for the gift exchange, me going over there, so it shouldn't be a big deal I hope.

thoughts?

Hey everyone!

I'm looking to connect with some new friends who are into [video games, Marvel movies, technology, psychology, neuroscience]. I love discussing all things. Including Indian culture

If you're interested in chatting, feel free to drop a comment or send me a DM. Let's connect!

So there has been a massive boom in ABCD Muslims joining Christianity in droves. I do not want to feel behind and miss out on this. The boom is so massive that there has been a massive influx in Muslims looking to join churches that are more culturally geared towards Desis and that is where the Saint Thomas Malayali Church came into play which is a very old church that has been in India and has been very well established in the subcontinent.

There was actually historical evidence of Saint Thomas church being established in Taxila which is modern day Pakistan so Christianity has deep roots in the culture far before Islam and British and Portuguese Colonization. That intrigues me that Christianity truly has Desi roots and that seems to bring in a lot of ABCD Muslims in droves.

I once looked into joining the Orthodox Church but I had reservations about joining many different congregations due to being too culturally homogenous/xenophobic and insular so I never took that path and I ended up getting into Orthodox Judaism. You would be surprised how many Muslims are eager to join the Orthodox Church especially if they are Desis. There is already a church that they can join!

There is going to be a massive growth in the Malayali Church as more Muslims join in droves and more churches are going to be built in the West and beyond. Do not underestimate that because the church will grow!

Americanized Indian kid, experiences India, star-eyed emoji, and declares that India is 10x better than America fss and Indian culture is superior to trashy American culture?

Even my dad agrees India sucks but he thinks Indian culture and "values" (just stuff his creepy friends spout from their shitwater mouths) are superior. wtf

Edit: they're so concerned about people staring at my butt which is why they make me wear super oversized t shirts. in America people wear bikinis and no one really cares, but you couldn't even wear a tank top in India. so which country is safer? precious India or america??

I'm disabled and I feel unfairly treated by Indians and by white people and the world at large just because I use a walker and I feel that things don't get better for Indian people because there's a lot of racism but Indian people don't do anything like a movement or anything like the other groups have. So I'm just kind of venting

When I moved here, I felt the same way. Everything seemed harder—managing work, handling daily responsibilities, staying connected to family back home, and dealing with their ongoing expectations. It felt like I had to succeed, no matter how much it weighed on me.

Those first few years were a real challenge. It wasn’t just about adjusting to life here, but also the emotional weight of being alone. The pressure to "make it" because we’re seen as the ones who moved abroad—it was overwhelming. It took me a long time to find balance, and even now, it's something I work on every day.

If you’re feeling that pressure too, you’re not alone. I’d love to hear your story and how you're managing it all. Let’s start a conversation about how we’re all navigating this journey

I would like to state that this post is both a rant and a cry for help. I would also like to mention that I believe that other South Asian groups probably also face normalized racism. so whenever I'm talking about Indians I also mean it to apply to other South Asian groups as well.

I'm really having a difficult time explaining my mental dilemma as even writing this is giving me a ton of stress and anxiety. 

I am a 20(M) Sophmore college student that goes to a college with a 10% desi student population. I have OCD, ADHD, and a mild anxiety disorder. The school that I go to is majority caucasian student body and the surrounding area has mostly rednecks.

The whole Canada situation, the rising hate against desis in the UK and Australia, the Indian street food videos trending on social media, the normalization and encouragement of racism against Indians (South Asians in whole too) on major social media platforms such as X (twitter), Instagram, Snapchat reels, and even Reddit, has affected my mental health so bad that its causing me serious issues irl. It's like so commonplace to find anti-Indian racism online that even if your not looking for it you'll find it. What I find the most frustrating is how all South Asians are painted with one broad brush stroke, to all be generalized as being ugly, creepy, rapey, smelly, etc. to a point where I think everyone online thinks this way. It's also super frustration that it's okay to generalize Indians and be racist to them, but it's not okay for any other group, like Indians are the last group it's okay to be racist to. I also feel it weird that Indians are called out for things that other ethnic groups do, and isn't necessarily problematic. For example, I saw a comment from a Mexican-American venting out about how Indians get him confused for Indian and speak Hindi to him, even though there was really nothing wrong in that situation and how literally every other ethnic group does the exact same thing. Like desis are being blamed for stuff every other group does. 

I also find it frustrating that even when we call out or fight against this stuff, people would double down or justify this by saying that "Indians are racist, casteist, colorist, etc" or how "It's criticism" or some other nonsense. The worst thing is I've seen a lot of this stuff from even liberal minded people or even liberal subreddits, and it also hurts how doing the Indian accent or other jabs at Indians is accepted, but stigmatized if it was against other ethnic groups. 

I think the worst thing I feel is how many desis irl or online either find some way to brush it under the rug or just ignore this entirely. Like I talked to my parents about this and they got pissed off because I'm worrying over nonsense issues. I've also seen people on this sub brushing it underIt's made me feel boxed and trapped. It also hurts how this racism is also perpetuated by every other ethnic group, like I've seen this racism espoused by blacks, whites, asians, mexicans, literally everyone, and it's frustrating how every other ethnicity is united on hating on indians, or at least justifying the casual racism, or generalizations. 

The vitroil is so bipartisan and so espoused that I feel like everyone irl thinks this way. Like I've even seen liberal leaning people or even those who are anti-racist or those who advocate for diversity say stuff like this. An example of this is H3H3's rant about Indians. Another example would be where people are mocking and ridiculing indians and making generalizations and all sorts of accusations on the  subreddit. I've also found it difficult to explain this to other ethnic groups as I feel like racism against other groups is one level of racism, and another level is racism against south asians where it's so normalized that people have a difficult time relating to it or detecting that it is racism, even though they themselves are POC's. Like there's literally no where to go to escape this racism, and I feel trapped and suffocated. 

All of this has literally caused a mental health crisis in me, to the point where those racist comments just keep appearing in my head, where I'm literally having difficulty paying attention in class, on academics, clubs, etc. It's also made me feel insecure about my race, my skin color, my face, and it's absolutely wrecked my confidence socially and emotionally. 

Above all else, it's made me paranoid around non-Indians, especially older caucasian people and caucasian females. I think this paranoia was fueled due to the fact that I've been bullied a ton growing up, and I've especially been bullied for my skin color in 5th grade and middle school, and my race in middle school and high school. I've also faced many second-hand microaggressions during my first semester in college, where I would see other Indian students face microaggressions, or I myself would face microaggressions, such as when I was standing by myself at a bus stop, and some random truck pulled into the bus stop, and honked aggressively, waited a while, then slowly left. 

Again, I feel like I've internalized this racism so much to an extent that I've started hating myself for my skin color and for being Indian. I've even contemplated killing myself a couple times. It's also seriously wrecked my self-confidence and my social skills. With my OCD, I'm now having obsessive thoughts with the racist comments I see flashing through my mind. The one comment I saw that really made me feeling a bit suicidal was a heavily liked comment on X (I think 1 to 2 thousand likes) that said, and I quote: "Thank god I wasn't born Indian". I'm also having obsessive thoughts and compulsions regarding the racist comments online. 

I would also like to point out that I have had mental health issues and inferiority regarding race and skin color in the past, but nothing like this. 

The ironic thing about all of this is aside from some microaggressions I've faced during my first semester in freshman year, I think the microaggressions were committed by freshmen, so of the maintenance workers, and a couple sophmores. I haven't seen or experienced any from of racism ever since. In fact, I've seen most students and faculty getting along well with their Indian peers. Most people I talked to didn't really careI've talked to my two friends who are Indian and they said that they haven't faced any racism in some form or another, but they were a bit weary about facing racism from the rednecks who live in Bloomington. I also went to a wedding this weekend with like half the guests being caucasian/east asian, and they all seemed to be enthusiastic about the wedding, and they were wearing Indian clothes and eating Indian food as well, and when I talked to some of them, they seemed to be very enthusiatic and interested in Indian culture and food.

I'm planning on taking therapy with a non-POC therapist, but I think he should be able to help with the obsessive thoughts. I'm most likely going to quit social media, especially Reddit, since even before my mental health crisis, I was pretty addicted to Reddit, and I feel like I'm spending more time online than enjoying my college experience. I also feel like social media isn't exactly a mirror of real life due to the fact that (bar the racism growing up and microaggressions I've faced from travel and IRL) I haven't had issues regarding my ethnicity at my college or where I live outside of college. 

I don't know what to do and it's causing me a ton of stress. I would like advice on how to cope/deal with this in a healthy and productive manner, to fix my mental health crisis. It's affecting my ability to live and do college and I don't know what to do. I would also like to apologize how long this post is and I beg the mods to not delete this as I have mentioned suicide a couple times. I also apologize if this post hasn't been clear enough, I'm having a difficult time wording my situation. Also if someone could make a tldr for this post that would be great.

I'm an American citizen but my parents are from Bangladesh. I don't see many Bangladeshi people like me. I'm pansexual and non binary/trans. I also deal with a plethora of mental health issues. Hiding myself from my family constantly is exhausting. I just want to know if anyone has been in my shoes before? How did you make it out? Or even if you are in it now how do you keep yourself sane ?

I'm a 33 year old, Indian American guy. I grew up in America most of my life. I've had friendships with different types of people. In high school, I didn't have any friends. I hung out with some people during school, but not outside.

The teens in high school made dumb jokes. One guy said my penis is probably small. There was a weird article, many years ago, that said condoms don't fit Indian men. That was mostly a lie. He had never seen my penis. The penis can only be accurately measured by a doctor. I'm not gonna go to my doctor for that.

In college, I became friends with a black dude. He was cool. We were friends for many years. In 2017, he asked me to do him a favor. I asked him what the reason for it was. He wouldn't tell me what the reason was or the background. I don't know why he became toxic. I had to stop being his friend.

In 2013, I became friends with a white guy. We met at a gym. He was nice. He liked to talk about porn and sex a lot. I told him I wanted to quit watching porn. He told me I'm a better person than him for doing that. I told him, I'm not better. Unfortunately, I had to stop being his friend because it seemed like he was trying to manipulate me.

In 2015, I became friends with another white dude. I stopped being his friend in 2016 because I felt like being alone at the time. I regret doing that. I've been trying to contact him on Facebook. Hopefully, he forgives me.

In the past, I've only had long-term friendships with men. With women, I had a couple of short-term friendships. One woman was Lebanese and another was white American. They dropped subtle hints of flirting. I ignored those because I wasn't interested in dating them. They stopped being my friend.

Currently, I have more Indian friends. I go to a temple every Sunday. I get along easily with religious Hindus. I know ABCD religious Hindus and NRI religious Hindus. Although, I am open to being friends with anyone.

Going to keep it short... but due to messed up family politics(family members giving judgey opinions no one asked for and ruining things like school clubs(making stupid sly comments and giving their input when they don't apply it to their own children when I call out their actions my parents call me disrespectful and gaslight me saying I am crazy for disliking these relatives) and lack of money(I can't take out loans for college housing). I ended up going to this college near me which is still far away. Now at this college, I commute and I have tried so hard at first to make friends and then tried a normal amount and I still have not made friends. I have 2-3 semesters left. I have tried to become a resident assistant multiple times got to the final round of interviews multiple times and not gotten the role... and according to those who work there they decide who gets the job based on personal friendships. I have no friends and am not close to my family members due to their past actions which include this. I am so tired and cry so much over this. I'm truly scared I am going to graduate with no friends or memorable experiences. This just hurts and this may sound very stupid and pathethic as an adult... advice on what I should do in the future.

I am a 33 year old, Indian-American guy. I thought about how much I hate toxic people. My uncle in-law was a very toxic person. He died in 2021 from cancer and covid. I was glad to know he died.

I think most elders are good people. Some of them are very toxic. That makes them unlovable. I'm shocked that my aunt was able to love her husband. She must be a saint.

I realized he was toxic because he always gave me advice that was not beneficial for me. That is basically the same as lying. If someone loves you, they will give advice with good intentions. The advice might not always be right. No one can know what is best for you, except yourself.

Good people will not manipulate you on purpose. It's easy to tell if someone is trying to manipulate you. Manipulation is for taking something from you. Sometimes they want to take something tangible like money. Sometimes they just want power from you.

In my uncle in-law's case, it was power. He didn't want to take anything tangible from me. He tried to humiliate me in front of other relatives because he thought I was inferior to him. He probably thought I was going to lash out at him. It was emotional manipulation. I didn't feel humiliated because I knew what he was doing.

I'm glad I didn't have to live with him. I don't know what I would've done. Maybe I would've given him a black eye. I only saw him once a year when he was alive. That was only during family parties.

I prefer to stay away from toxic people. I'm not scared of them. They amplify my anger quite a bit. Luckily, most people are not toxic.

I am a 33 year old, Indian American guy. I started therapy last year in March. I got ditched by my first therapist. Then I found a psychologist. He "diagnosed" me with dysthymic disorder. It's a mild form of depression. I'm taking a break from therapy.

In my last session, I talked to him about mental illnesses I might have. We came to the conclusion that I don't have any mental illness. Previously, I thought I might have Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not emotionally dysregulated and I don't rely on others to regulate my emotions.

I thought about what my uncle in-law's motivation was for trying to humiliate me. He died in 2021 from cancer. In 2017, he tried to humiliate me at my cousin's house. The humiliation was meant to manipulate my decisions in life. I remained very calm during the experience and didn't show any emotions.

He was always trying to control everyone. He enjoyed manipulating people. Maybe it was just sadism for him. He succeeded in increasing my negative emotions towards him. He made me feel anger and hatred towards him. It was emotional manipulation.

I don't have a mental illness, but I do feel like I have mental issues. The mental issues affect my functioning in a negative way. One mental issue is difficulty forming long-term goals. Another issue is forming stable images of other people in my mind.

Hey everyone,

I need some perspective on a situation that's been weighing heavily on me. I'm a 29-year-old Indian female, married, and living in Calgary, Canada. My husband and I recently bought a house and have been working hard to make ends meet while saving up for our future goals and dreams, like traveling.

A bit of backstory: My parents live in India, and I have a brother who moved to Calgary two months ago. Initially, he stayed with us, but we asked him to move out once he got a job. This was because he's an alcoholic and didn't respect our rules, creating a lot of tension in our home. We had to set boundaries for our own well-being.

My brother has actually been in Canada for 7 years and hasn't saved a penny, whereas I managed to get my PR, get married, and buy a house with my husband. Now, my mom is furious with me for making him move out. She's terrified that he'll drink himself to death living on his own. Recently, she decided she wants to come to Canada immediately to be with my brother, but she expects me to pay for the airfare, which amounts to around $5000. I told her no, explaining that we need to save that money as our rainy-day fund.

In response, my parents got extremely mad at me. They accused me of never making them proud and said I should be more like other kids who bring their parents to Canada right away. Growing up, I was never treated equally compared to my brother, and their unrealistic expectations have always been a burden on me.

I offered to let them live with us and assured them they wouldn't have to worry about Canadian living expenses, but I asked them to cover their own airfare. This has led to them not speaking to me and guilt-tripping me heavily. They also mentioned that they're ready to spend money on my brother's LMIA (Labour Market Impact Assessment) but not on their tickets.

My husband supports my decision and doesn't want me to give them money, especially since they were never transparent about their finances with me.

Am I a bad child for refusing to pay for their tickets? How should I tackle this situation?

TL;DR: My parents want to come to Canada to be with my alcoholic brother, but expect me to pay for their airfare. I refused, offering to let them stay with us if they cover their own tickets, but now they're not speaking to me and accusing me of being a bad daughter. My brother has been in Canada for 7 years and hasn't saved a penny, while I got my PR, got married, and bought a house with my husband.

I'm a 33 year old, Indian-American guy. I started therapy last year. I got diagnosed with dysthymic disorder, but I also think I have something else. I either have several psychopathic traits or the full disorder.

I've realized it's difficult for me to feel love for people. I think most of my family members are good. I don't feel love for most of them. My psychologist said I'm justified for hating my toxic uncle in-law. Good thing he died in 2021 of cancer.

I think a part of the reason is because I was adopted as a baby. The adoption must have been traumatic for me. I think it's important for the baby to be with his biological mother. I talked to psychopathic woman. She said I should get tested for BPD.

Being separated from my mother probably makes it difficult for me to form internal objects of people in my mind. I can recognize people's faces and attach names to them. I think of people as totally separate from me. They have a separate mind.

Sometimes, I think I'm an evil person. I'm not really evil. I also have affective empathy. I can feel most of the same emotions that normal people can. I started having violent thoughts about toxic uncle in-law after he died.

I read a study about psychopathy and affective empathy:

It is widely believed that impairment in an ability to experience affective empathy for others is a central feature of psychopathy. The authors tested this assumption by covertly manipulating and measuring state experiences of emotional contagion and empathic concern in college undergraduates and male forensic inpatients. Surprisingly, they found little evidence of a negative association between psychopathy and affective empathy in either sample. In those instances in which associations were found, they tended to indicate that higher psychopathy was associated with increased affective empathy. Follow-up analyses also revealed that psychopathy was positively associated with pervasive experiences of sadness, anger, and fear, and negatively associated with pervasive experiences of happiness among nonforensic individuals. This research raises questions about existing conceptualizations of interpersonal affect in psychopathy and offers suggestions for advancing future understanding of the role-played by emotional processes in psychopathy. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA, all rights reserved)

Lishner, D. A., Vitacco, M. J., Hong, P. Y., Mosley, J., Miska, K., & Stocks, E. L. (2012). Evaluating the relation between psychopathy and affective empathy: Two preliminary studies. International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, 56(8), 1161–1181. https://doi.org/10.1177/0306624X11421891

Someone on another sub told me I should love myself. I do love myself, whatever that self is.

My father died just under two weeks ago. It was a long battle with cancer for him, and he was in a lot of pain. He was the only breadwinner in our family of four. My sister and I are in our early 30s and mid 20s, respectively, so we haven’t all been home together for a long time. We all flew back to India because that’s where he wanted to be cremated. All the funeral rites are over, and now it’s just us three in a rented apartment.

My family is incredibly toxic. My father didn’t leave an official will, so now everyone’s just fighting with each other over money and property. I’m mad at my father for not leaving a will. Also mad he died. He was the only one who would take my side in arguments with my sister. My sister and mother have been very dismissive of anything I have to say and they barely treat me like a person because I expressed my discomfort with how they’re treating me and told them I wanted to fly back to my own home in the U.S..

As it is my sister and I have never had a good relationship. When we were younger she would beat the ever living shit out of me and treat me with the utmost condescension. Once, she was mad when I was visiting her at her apartment during my college spring break, because I was texting my boyfriend at the time. She would say, “You’re here to see me. Not your stupid boyfriend. I never want to see your phone when I am around you.” Keep in mind this boyfriend was actually very abusive himself and would berate me if I didn’t reply to him immediately upon receiving his texts. Anyway, I tried to sneak in another text after that because now I was scared not just of the boyfriend but of her, and she caught me. She beat me up so bad that she ripped a chunk of skin from my face. Then she kicked me out of her apartment. After that I don’t think I actually ever felt safe around her.

After my father passed my mother didn’t console me even once. When I tried to console her she would push me away to talk to strangers instead. I sat alone outside his hospital room right after he died. Only his colleague came to sit next to me and talk to me. My mother forgot I was there. My sister wasn’t in town for this. I was all alone, and it was actually my first ever experience with death. I am traumatized at what I saw at the resuscitation bay, and didn’t have my mother there for me. I told her that but she thinks I am too weak for even mentioning this to her.

It’s probably my mistake for trying to let them know how they hurt me and how I wish they would correct it, because every time I do, you know what they say to me?

“You’re too sensitive. Too American.”

Well, fuck. If I’m so American why did you move there? Did you think you want to go to that country to have a life there and to ensure I have my life there too? I hate it so much when they use this as if it’s supposed to be some stupid insult. My dumb sister prides herself on her Indianness. She mocks my accent because she actually grew up in India for a bit, so she actually sounds Indian.

God I hate them. I hate them so much for telling me I’m too sensitive. I’ve Googled so many things to look up if it’s a manipulative tactic and it absolutely is. I feel so crazy, and I just want to go home to my husband and cat. I have everything I need to do so, but my mother said if I leave now she will consider it as me abandoning her and that she will never talk to me again. My sister already barely talks to me. I’m so exhausted I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this until the end of the month.

I'm a 33 year old, Indian American guy. I feel bored most of the time. It's hard for me not to feel bored. Maybe I need to form a different goal in my mind and pursue it. I work in a manufacturing company's lab. The job is easy.

I've been thinking about pursuing another degree. I want to study psychology. It will be online so I can work full time.

I've also been ruminating about my "relationship" with my toxic uncle in-law. He wanted to control the choices I made in my life. One time he told me, "It's not necessary to go anywhere to be spiritual." He knew I went to a religious gathering on Sundays and he wanted to isolate me. A year after he said, I stopped going there. Maybe I internalized his views?

Now, I go to a religious gathering every Sunday. It's a different one from the first one. There are nice people there.

I'm a 33 year old, Indian-American guy. I questioned whether I am a narcissist or not, a few years ago. I started watching Professor Vaknin's channel. I realized there are many differences between my mind and a narcissist's mind.

One difference is, narcissists don't have affective empathy, but I do. Narcissists only have cognitive and reflexive empathy. I have cognitive, affective, and reflexive empathy. My cognitive empathy might be a little impaired.

Another difference is, narcissists need narcissistic supply. Their self worth is dependent on other people's attention and admiration. I don't like receiving too much attention from people. Occasionally, I don't mind hanging out with people.

Another difference is, narcissists create a snapshot of people in their mind. It is called an introject. They only interact with the introject in their mind. I don't create such a thing.

Narcissists love bomb people they date. I never love bomb any woman. I never idealize any woman. Narcissists also create a shared fantasy. I never do that.

Narcissists don't attend therapy on their own. I have been going to therapy once a month, for over a year. I will be taking a small break.

There is one narcissistic trait I have. It is grandiosity. I am also grandiose. I'm not able to tell what my flaws are. I don't see them as flaws. For example, I am thin but I don't think of it as a flaw.

So growing up in school, I grew up in a strict environment that felt like a cage(other relatives didn't treat their kids like this or have all these rules but my parents did). I wasn't even allowed to leave the house to go to school clubs type events or anything extracirruclars(odd I know since most parents want their kids to be involved to get opportunties, mine didn't care). Anyway as a result I am currently dealing with depression,anxiety, and alot of regret, wishing I could redo life tbh(working through this). Throughout my high school years, this issue became really bad. I was the only brown girl at school(in a majority white school in the south) and had no friends. I remember having to do a group project and I had to go around and ask people while the rest of the class watched. I felt like a giant looser loner. I had multiple people who had shown me kindness and I had talked to them in class and hung out with them in class and they even expressed how we should have hung out more( my parents never let me leave the house it was always school and home, there was alot of disfunction with my father having his way or no way). I am extreamely socially stunted. I never get invited to any birthdays or even parties of any sort. I feel like I don't exist. If I were to throw a birthday party this week no one would show up. How do I make friends and reconnect with people from school who I would want to be friends with? I feel so awkward texting people or even adding them on social media(even having an instagram account with my name feels weird to me) and I generally have a hard time socializing or figuring out if someone even likes me as a friends. I really would like some advice. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling like this socially.

I was wondering why some people love toxic people. My uncle in-law was married to my aunt for over 50 years. I don't know whether she truly loved him or not. He was one of the rare people that I hated. I don't even hate criminals that much.

He probably had a cluster b personality disorder. He was always trying to control me when I was around him. I don't know whether he believed his own nonsense or not. I don't know whether he was intentional or not.

I started therapy last year in March. I had violent thoughts towards him. I still have violent thoughts, even though he died in 2021. It makes me feel like an evil and sadistic person. It would feel good to beat the fuck out of him.

I have violent thoughts towards my cousin, who is his son. I think he tries to control me and doesn't love anyone either. I hate both of them.

I don't feel like harming most people. They don't get in the way of my goals. I don't feel like harming people if they hurt my ego. It's more so because they get in my way.

Many of my problems might have been caused by my uncle in-law. I used to go to a religious place from 2009-2012. Then I stopped going. Maybe it was because he told me not to. Maybe it was my own choice.

Does anyone else feel so inferior to their white counter part :/ I’m a gay brown guy and just feel so ugly. I know some guys do like me but feel like white beauty standards are so main stream that il never be attractive. I feel this way but I don’t think I am ugly, but the emotional grief of feeling like I am missing out on relationships and hookups while then having self hatred is really weighing on me :/

Idk I've been feeling depressed for a while, but didn't realise it till just recently during a date how I end up bringing up past traumatic experiences. I have a feeling that it's why my previous relationship fell apart, and I don't want to repeat the same patterns again. So I guess I'm trying to be proactive about this one because I want to be serious about the relationship.

Decided to start therapy, because I feel like it's better to talk to someone who is better suited to listen to me and offer guidance than your friends or your partner. I honestly don't know how I started getting so emotionally baggy over the last few years and I just want to figure out why it keeps coming back up, so maybe a counsellor is the right person to help me through it.

I wasn't really sure which subreddit would make the most sense for asking this question, but I felt there would be the most commonalities here.

I'm a 26-year-old female with a 28-year-old brother who has essentially cut off all contact with our parents six years ago. At this point, they don't know where he lives or really any details about his current life, but I do. I've always been uncertain about whether our childhood experiences, or, at least, my childhood experiences, qualify as trauma and whether my parents' past behaviors qualify as abuse, but when I interact with my parents even now, I know that my body is having a hard time letting go of the past. I don't necessarily know if this is the case for my brother, but I know that the basis for my brother's reasons for cutting himself are things that happened in the past. Which is why I have a really hard time letting go of the past. Because I'm the only one in the family who he allows to have contact with himself.

Raised in a South Asian household, we're taught family loyalty is a huge value to uphold. And I love my family, my brothers, and my parents even though things haven't always been easy and still aren't. I have a visceral feeling of wanting them to be happy and healthy. But I don't know how to balance a relationship with my brother and a relationship with my parents without still being tied to the past. It's this consistently tight feeling in my chest that I've talked to doctors and therapists about, and it seems the only way to release it is to let go of the past, but I don't know how to do it knowing that my brother is doing what he's doing because of the past. And I don't know how to get rid of the tight feeling for myself.

Does anyone resonate with this and/or have any advice?