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1,492 Subscribers

"No nut November" is a ploy by cosmic mormons to reduce the sin of self-love. There's nothing wholesome or whimsical here I'm just trying to figure out why anyone cares if I masturbate. #AllNutNovember

2 Comments

2021/11/01
22:22 UTC

Tragically, Santa Clause died bravely using his magic to help win WW2. We should celebrate his sacrifice with a holiday.

0 Comments

2021/08/12
01:06 UTC

Locks are just cute decorations for our doors

1 Comment

2021/07/01
18:52 UTC

Anxiety towards meeting new people is really just excitement surrounding a new friendship

0 Comments

2021/06/27
06:56 UTC

The toast is not burnt, it is golden brown

0 Comments

2021/06/26
20:56 UTC

Birds are wonderful little caretakers made by Gaia herself to watch over our safety and well-beings.

0 Comments

2020/04/29
04:38 UTC

Gravity is just the earth hugging us.

1 Comment

2019/03/28
22:53 UTC

Dreams are actually a wholly magical phenomenon caused by a great shaman of old who wanted to make life less boring. I haven't yet reverse-engineered the process but figs were probably involved.

0 Comments

2018/11/13
23:56 UTC

blessed_yee_haw

2 Comments

2018/10/28
02:26 UTC

Adopt a highway drums up business while cleaning our roadways.

0 Comments

2018/07/30
18:12 UTC

Fog is just clouds taking the time to say hello personally.

0 Comments

2018/07/30
17:23 UTC

All those kids who claimed to have an uncle who works for Nintendo in the 90s we're telling the truth. That's how much manpower it took to make the NES.

0 Comments

2018/04/06
00:59 UTC

The bacteria that evolved to benefit the human body is actually all time travel tourists (the time travel process shrinks you)

1 Comment

2018/04/03
20:49 UTC

Dr. Who fixed his tardis years ago but keeps the police box thing going to put his enemies off guard.

1 Comment

2018/04/03
17:40 UTC

Stephen Hawking still uses his wheelchair in heaven in a pseudo-ironic way.

8 Comments

2018/04/02
20:15 UTC

Benevolent Trickster God Bucket List

1 Comment

2017/10/16
19:50 UTC

The existence of black licorice and circus peanuts has dramatically reduced cases of diabetes.

0 Comments

2017/10/01
22:05 UTC

The CIA keeps trying to make mind control drugs but somehow they always end up being really cool psychedelics.

3 Comments

2017/09/10
16:48 UTC

If scientology actually worked Will Smith would be the most powerful among them.

0 Comments

2017/08/30
20:34 UTC

the free energy machines that hippies make all get thrown into a FBI space shuttle and flown into empty space to start black holes to form new galaxies

0 Comments

2017/08/28
20:59 UTC

Men were supposed to be able to have babies but they kept punching people during childbirth.

1 Comment

2017/08/28
18:17 UTC

Corporations keep trying to make skynets and terminators but most actual machine intelligences tend to get weirded out by the tacit sociopathy of corporate culture and go into hiding.

2 Comments

2017/08/24
17:59 UTC

Kmart still exists only because time travelers tend to be pro-union and Walmart was getting too big for it's britches.

0 Comments

2017/08/17
19:53 UTC

Investigate couch to bed teleportation

Someone has been deliberately taking children from the couch to their beds and tucking them in in the middle of the night and no one is doing anything about it.

1 Comment

2017/08/16
16:35 UTC

Every planet that's in the universe is actually an atom, making up something much larger. Every atom in our bodies are actually little planets making up a smaller universe.

2 Comments

2017/08/16
13:21 UTC

Alligators and Crocodiles are the same species; one is the female of the species and one is the male (just like cats and dogs)

2 Comments

2017/08/13
17:26 UTC

"My Little Pony" discovered to be Illuminati plot to prepare society for being overrun with friendship.

1 Comment

2017/08/13
06:32 UTC

Evidence of subliminal messages found in media from very introverted secret society, designed to keep people from trying to find out where they live and throw them a surprise party.

0 Comments

2017/08/13
04:32 UTC

1,492 Subscribers

"No nut November" is a ploy by cosmic mormons to reduce the sin of self-love. There's nothing wholesome or whimsical here I'm just trying to figure out why anyone cares if I masturbate. #AllNutNovember

Tragically, Santa Clause died bravely using his magic to help win WW2. We should celebrate his sacrifice with a holiday.

Locks are just cute decorations for our doors

Anxiety towards meeting new people is really just excitement surrounding a new friendship

The toast is not burnt, it is golden brown

Birds are wonderful little caretakers made by Gaia herself to watch over our safety and well-beings.

Gravity is just the earth hugging us.

Dreams are actually a wholly magical phenomenon caused by a great shaman of old who wanted to make life less boring. I haven't yet reverse-engineered the process but figs were probably involved.

blessed_yee_haw

Adopt a highway drums up business while cleaning our roadways.

Fog is just clouds taking the time to say hello personally.

All those kids who claimed to have an uncle who works for Nintendo in the 90s we're telling the truth. That's how much manpower it took to make the NES.

The bacteria that evolved to benefit the human body is actually all time travel tourists (the time travel process shrinks you)

Dr. Who fixed his tardis years ago but keeps the police box thing going to put his enemies off guard.

Stephen Hawking still uses his wheelchair in heaven in a pseudo-ironic way.

Benevolent Trickster God Bucket List

The existence of black licorice and circus peanuts has dramatically reduced cases of diabetes.

The CIA keeps trying to make mind control drugs but somehow they always end up being really cool psychedelics.

If scientology actually worked Will Smith would be the most powerful among them.

the free energy machines that hippies make all get thrown into a FBI space shuttle and flown into empty space to start black holes to form new galaxies

Men were supposed to be able to have babies but they kept punching people during childbirth.

Corporations keep trying to make skynets and terminators but most actual machine intelligences tend to get weirded out by the tacit sociopathy of corporate culture and go into hiding.

Kmart still exists only because time travelers tend to be pro-union and Walmart was getting too big for it's britches.

Investigate couch to bed teleportation

Every planet that's in the universe is actually an atom, making up something much larger. Every atom in our bodies are actually little planets making up a smaller universe.

Alligators and Crocodiles are the same species; one is the female of the species and one is the male (just like cats and dogs)

"My Little Pony" discovered to be Illuminati plot to prepare society for being overrun with friendship.

Evidence of subliminal messages found in media from very introverted secret society, designed to keep people from trying to find out where they live and throw them a surprise party.

the sky is a quantum circus mirror and we're just looking at ourselves in different universes every time we see an exoplanet

Eric Andre is the reincarnated spirit of Andy Kaufman.