I have long admired the mighty Walrus. My partner, knowing this, had the above done last year.

Apologies if it doesn’t belong on this Reddit!

Can't be allowed to tell this only to the locked in doomsday cult victim but not to animals which masturbate in public

I saw a video of them whistling and wondered if that's what pirates or sailors thought were siren songs. I also thought about Ariel's (The little mermaid) iconic pose which is very similar to the "Banana" pose that seals do which lead me to this question.

Seven months ago, I was walking home when I saw a walrus at the zoo. At first I ignored it and tried to walk past. But then it looked at me and waved in that strange way that only a walrus can. And then it started to move towards me, waddling on its flippers.

And for some reason, I was paralyzed with fear. It came closer and closer and my eyes widened in a sort of strange wonderment at this creature I had never encountered before. It came so close that it brushed up against me, knocking me over onto the ground.

The smell of the salt water on its coat hit my nostrils and I froze as it began rubbing itself against me from neck to tail, gripping my clothes with its claws.

And as it rubbed back and forth there was this sensation of something being pressed against my thigh by something hard and hot...oh God...I’ve never felt anything like this before!

 I am the esteemed Dr. W Alruslover. I recently picked up a technological device and installed this glorious app to find a community of fellow walrus owners and fans. 
 Now, what I didn't expect was to be presented with a grand opportunity. 
 You see, my dear fans, This community had 999 members before I, yours truly, joined. Now, this means I am Walrus Fan #1000, and I deserve some sort of award, plaque, reward, trophy, or signed walrus autograph. 
 My address is 440 Semoran Blvd, Orlando Florida.

Sincerly, Dr. W Alruslover.