How do you deal with the lack of empathy and care you feel towards most things? It can get frustrating for me at times when I see people around me feeling profound effect due to certain events while I remain unphased.

• and i am kinda freaking out
• idk if its because of my friend who's (all of a sudden) into this stuff.or the fact that i was JUST thinking about how i'm going to be in college after a few months and wanted to talk about it with the said friend.
• this is all too- idk overwhelming and not in a good way to me so i was hoping i could get some clarity by taking your opinions into account.(id relly know who to talk to ,as i said earlier i left all sns and my online like minded friends with it)

https://youtu.be/tMO4sfsHLyY I don't like it because a) It takes too much effort b) Seems inauthentic - why should I pretend to look like something I don't? I don't own any make up, not even a lipstick because I never felt the necessity and I'm 24.

https://discord.gg/W2CcvxBB Here’s an intp discord server to discuss anything we want. :)

Nobody:.............. Me: "I'm really digging this internal conversation...."

Henlooo!! Any of you gals developed good coping mechanisms for stress? My coping mechanism for stress is really bad. I react by overthinking, and totally like a child crying for mommy to save the day. It looks pathetic, I feel pathetic, and it IS pathetic. Any of you have good advice in store? Recently I have found it to be helpful when I remind myself that how I become when I am stressed, that is, the negative thoughts, the overthinking, the unstable moods is not a representation of how I usually am, just a very poor reaction to stress.

Hi fellow INTP ladies! I wanted to wish you all a happy international women’s day. Yes, I know it’s an arbitrary holiday, but as I grow older, I see the value in it more and more.

Today I acknowledge and celebrate my natural inclination for independence, knowledge, and logic.

My entire life, I felt I didn’t know how to be a woman. It wasn’t until I understood my personality type and my innate nature that I understood that even though I was different and I didn’t often run into other females that thought like me, that I was still valid.

I think our unique type has helped women push to where we are. I’ve pushed the boundaries in my own circle. If you read this, I’d love to hear how you’ve done the same.

The most important lesson I have learned is there is no single box for women. We are all so different and we are all important.

Keep being quirky, brilliant, and unconventional.

So, several times I've been called an "asshole" and a "bitch" by my best friend, this guy I had feelings for and am super close with, and I could definitely tell that lots of other people have definitely thought of me as such (but chose not to say it out loud). Through lots of introspection and analysis, I realized all of these comments and assumptions were a result of them completely misunderstanding me. I didn't want to accidentally hurt other people anymore, so I began to obsessively read about emotional intelligence, emotional intimacy, emotional connection, emotional....anything. Right now I'm a work in progress and I realized I have to maintain an open communication with everyone otherwise, in most cases, I have seen them feeling hurt and misunderstanding things and shifting me from their 'list of close people' to their 'list of acquaintances'. I saw one too many posts where partners are tired of INTP's emotional immaturity, where they feel no emotional connection with their INTPs, etc. Reading all of that has made me feel so insecure about myself. I feel like no one can be in a fulfilling relationship with me.

It really bothers me how I still can't pick up how others are feeling like anybody else can, and I just feel exhausted by how misunderstood I feel. I feel so broken. I feel so....lost, unconfident, useless, and unlovable. I feel like I shouldn't exist.

i'm not sure why i felt like posting this here but i felt like other female intp's might have similar experiences. Either way i just found out something about my self and before i can get a therapist i felt like sharing it with strangers on the internet.

So recently i got out of an abusive relationship. This drove me into finding out why i suppress emotions as a coping mechanism (as well as other unhealthy ones) so i can learn to process them in a healthy way. After researching it i found out most people learn to suppress emotions due to being emotionally disregarded or emotionally neglected by their primary care givers. At first that didn't quite sit right with me since i had the most stereotypical suburban-middle-income family. It was like a disney sitcom except nothing funny or interesting ever happened. In other words nothing traumatic ever happened to me as a kid and my parents always provided for me. But for some reason i always had symptoms of childhood trauma, like suppressing emotions and maladaptive day-dreaming. Then it clicked.

I didn't fit in with my peers as a child and as a result i was bullied throughout most of elementary and middle school and was very much an outcast (i know i'm not the only one here that had to go through that). When i was 10 it was the worst. Since its hard to be in a group project or lesson when all your group members are teasing the shit out of you. I was more worried about fitting in than my fucking school work. So my grades started slipping and i was ALWAYS forgetting my homework (pretty stereotypical INTP right there). I talked to my parents about it and they did not take me seriously just shrugged it off as nothing more than a childish issue and then yelled at me about my grades. All they gave a crap about was my school work. They were up my ass about it every day. So there i was, a child that vocalized my issues to my parents and they didn't give a shit.

Now it all makes since. I wondered why i felt uncomfortable coming out to my mom when i got my first period or telling her when i had a UTI. I would also cringe when she gave me emotional advice and i had no idea why.

I know this is far from the worst thing that can happen as a child, but its important to recognize that even when things seem insignificant ANY type of neglect can have long lasting effects on a child. Even if you're a thinker over a feeler that doesn't change the fact that emotions are important and do impact us. They are there as defense mechanisms and to help us solve problems.

Either way i appreciate you reading my thoughts, and maybe there are some other women out there that went through the same shit and just need to vent too.

Hi there!

I wanted to ask how you deal with your Fe? I'm currently getting tired to be overly Fe-ing? Like I just don't want to smile at people when I don't feel like making them feel comfortable and also if there is no reason for it. Or being overly apologetic even though nothing happened..

I will probably revert to my old ways when everyone starts hating me... but do you guys have a strategy, how to "be nice" but not so wordy? I'm just so tired of not minimizing movement //dead fish

Hi, I'm still not sure of my type so I'm trying new areas to make sense of it all. I'm on the autistic spectrum (very high functioning I guess) and from a young age learned masking very well, so my own identity is kind of unknown to me.

And I keep going back and forth between being someone who could just love to study their interests, being on the computer all day to someone who also wishes to work with people to not be completely isolated (but I've learned that I can work only in bigger groups where I can have my own space and will not be on the center of the attention unless it's objectively necessary). Over time, my family has called me after our "real talks" in adjectives such as investigative, analytical, deep thinker, highly sensitive, hard working AND lazy, sometimes inattentive and so on. Even with my closest ones it's hard to let my guard down 100% for all the time so I'm not sure if they know the full of me or if I'm just oblivious to it due to my brain functioning differently. But I'm pretty sure those adjectives are true.

Anyways, back to the question; I never really actively thought about it in terms of "I want people to like me" but now in my later youth(I'm in my 20s), I have learned that most of my social actions and masking(where I put on different roles based on how much I know of that "type" to appeal to the group I'm in) have been due to fearing that people wouldn't like the real me. No matter how much I have tried to reject that kind of idea and way of thinking, it's still what I was and still kind of am. And I also think it's because all my life I have kind of gathered these bits and pieces of opinions about who I really am and most of them, while said out only lightly, have had a negative tone. And to be honest, I don't really care how they will feel about me, but I care if they will show it to me - I can see faces annoyingly well when talking face to face so no matter how I act, I tend to put great dislike towards those people if they show a certain type of reaction. I have often been pondering over people belittling me or thinking lower of me because of my personality, age or sex.

I tested out as INFP when I was at my most vulnerable and I think there might be some truth to it - but it's been 9 years already from that. My first test before that, which wasn't typology based, gave me an answer of "you are everything - you adapt to everyone depending on what the situation calls", which is true. Masking, again. But later, in those 9 years, I have tested out (and related to when reading function stacks, socionics etc etc) almost all of the types except for the traditionally "introverted masculine" ones, as... well.. maybe I found those traits undesirable. I think it's due to that fear, so by admitting who I am I would also "shout to the world" (which is weird as I never share about myself to others) that I'm something they don't like.

The reason I have a hard time going for INFP, or most F-types even, is that their unhealthy problem behaviours & thinking patterns (other than this topic) have never really truly occurred in me. Like for example, if I'm complaining to my family about a personal problem, I might be very emotional & whiny in that situation, but once I've gotten a practical solution and a way of thinking to replace that emotional head space, I'll always do my very best to accept the objective and go with it, succeeding most of the time.

And if anyone would ever see my online history as a whole, I ask more questions than that is healthy from strangers instead of actively going for my loved ones. These long ass paragraphs are a lot more than what I can physically manage to speak towards anyone irl. Again, if I were to speak so freely, I don't think I'd ever get the response I'm looking for that is both neutral, accepting and willing to give advice that can actually work.

Does this make sense at all? If I were to be an INTP or a type similar, would it be possible to have such an emotional fear going on with your whole life?

Dear INTP women. I am in need of friendship advice. From previous years, I have always found a common theme in people who interact with me. They would often exclude me from friend groups, and cut me off as if I never existed to them.

I have a female friend of mine which I will refer to as S. S and I have been friends for half a decade now, and she has never excluded me from any of her friend groups. S has the personality of an INTJ, and I have the personality of an INTP.

Recently we have been in our own paths lately. And we haven’t spoken much. She’s been hanging out much more with another female friend of hers.

Is there a way her and I could better our friendship?

Please share your thoughts, opinions, questions and experiences.

I have a lot of male INTP friends. We tend to understand each other's interest in diving deep into topics even if it isn't 100% our own interest and can have full on interesting discussions.

I have a LOT of INFP friends male and female. They appreciate my logical deep dive analyses of their feelings and issues that they are going through and find my quirks and social fumbles endearing. We also have an intellectual connection.

I have a few INTJ friends, mostly female. We relate to each other in many ways, though sometimes I am in awe of how much more capable they seem because they are not only smart but organized and able to get shit done. We tend to have very open and blunt discussions which is refreshing.

I have many of these "one letter off from female INTP" relationships but I have never actually met a female INTP in real life. It sometimes feels isolating being the only female I know who cares little about appearance, finds most female concerns uninteresting and small talk a chore, and is a full on "smart ditz" of the absent minded professor variety. What is it like when you meet another person like you? Do you feel an instant connection? Or did you end up not becoming friends ? Where did you meet her?

For those of you that are into it (or even if you’re not but wouldn’t mind sharing) what is your sun zodiac sign? I am an Aquarius and I’m curious as to what some other women INTP’s zodiac signs are!

(I am posting this in this subreddit along with the original r/INTP because I feel that you'd understand this: I hate pms; I experience PMDD.)

Maybe it's just hormones sometimes that intensify those emotions, maybe it's the fact that I don't let go of any emotion and try to analyse each and every one of them that drives me crazy, I don't know.

What I do know is that I feel things very deeply, and it can be exhausting a lot of the time. I don't understand my emotions sometimes, I try to analyse them, and I would often wish that they would go away so that I could feel like a functional being again.

I'm just so tired.

Edit: sorry I am taking a while to look at all the comments; I have exams right now. I want to actually take the proper time to look at the comments and think about them. Thank you for sharing :)

i posted this on the r/INTP and thought I should post it here too.

I have a question. do you ever say things indirectly to the people around you? like about what you feel/think to also make them think coz you personally cannot get a hold of what you really feel/think. I just think it feels better when someone reaches out to me through thinking. I don't know if u guys get it but hopefully, u would haha. I'm a girl still in her teenage years lol and of course, I'm still confused about things and I've got a lot to experience. so yeah, tell me what u think and have a great day. thank you :)

1.. Cannot form deep relationships to people 2, can't be absolutely alone as it takes a toll on my mental health

INTPs are often decried for not caring too much about their appearance. However, for those that do care, what would they dress like? What would a fashionable INTP wear? Please share your thoughts.

I would like some relationship advice, if you can spare it. Thank you in advance.

Generally speaking, I categorize relationships as things that take up time, no different than hobbies, work, etc. Then I prioritize my life around these things that take up time; if a relationship is more important than hobbies, then I prioritize it as such.

I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. I love it because I get so much time alone, but also the benefit of indulging in romantic love on occasion. But recently my SO and I have discussed living together. When we have the conversation, I feel very emotionally distant.

My SO says he would never think about his partner as a "time suck," like I do. It makes me feel bad for feeling the way I do. If we lived together, when would I get alone time? When would I be able to pursue my hobbies, ambitions?

I feel like this is made worse by the fact that I'm a woman. I am a "strong, independent woman" type but still end up doing most of the cleaning/caring for things when we're together. When I'm alone, I can clean/cook/eat/whatever at my own pace.

Can any of you relate, or do you have any advice to share? Even a "yeah, I get it" would be so nice to hear. Thank you.

"Dear INTPs,

The people who have mistreated you are but a small fraction of humanity. The pain you put out to everyone as a result of the pain you receive from a lesser amount of someones creates a causal loop of continued emotional distress.

I think the mistreatment of INTPs is an epidemic. Many INTPs aren't making it any easier to feel empathy. More people could afford to learn how to hold space for INTPs and many INTPs could afford to teach how it's done. I see the pain underneath the big words. I know. I see you.

I support you because I know what it's like. I know the potential you possess and the joy in your soul. You don't deserve to have your flame burn out and whither away. There is a point to it all, you're the point. You can turn this thing around.

With love,

C.Note"

This was written by the YouTuber 'DOPEamine', who is an INTP. https://www.youtube.com/post/Ugz9I7-dmy20AdLcPuB4AaABCQ

https://www.reddit.com/r/INTP/comments/hxwg0t/the_most_intp_manga_ive_ever_read/fza5pxc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

So here is the original post. Granted, my comment was a little off topic. OP thought that the protagonist thought like an INTP.

I read only the first chapter(?) of the manga, and it went like: Awkward boy meets "unbelievably beautiful girl" (word for word).

So i said: "Ah yes. Awkard boy meets "unbelievably beautiful girl", and they fall in love. Awkward boy has to become more confident but doesn't have to change anything fundamental about himself.

Sorry, but it has been done too many times. I'll be excited when it's something like a plain looking girl who gets romanced by the hot guy, and DOESN'T have to get a makeover to win him over.

If you liked the manga though, that's valid too! This is just my opinion"

My opinion was not well received, and while I agree that because I didn't finish the manga, I missed the other themes, but it did not change the issue with the romance being predictable (I was right, but the manga did have deeper themes too).

Anyway, I may be wrong! Perhaps I was being too sensitive to tropes, or salty over seeing the same trope over and over again.

But a part of me thinks it's just because I'm a women so I focus on the relationship of a romance manga too much.

What are your thoughts? Feel free to give criticism, I'll try my best.

Sorry if that’s worded poorly. For example, I think I see the world as a body of knowledge to understand (or alternatively, a very complex system to accumulate knowledge about?) .. and I vaguely keep broad categories which starts with natural world, human world, and there’s more subcategories from there. I have only deepish knowledge about some very specific topics, but I like to know there’s an overall “map”. Do you do this? What’s your map of the world like?

Just what the title says

Hiya everyone!

In the spirit of making this sub useful, I have decided to add two flairs focused on self-development as a female INTP. "Improving Si" and "Improving Fe" are flairs you can add to relevant posts you make here.

Si and Fe are us INTPs' weakest conscious functions in the cognitive function stack. (Those of you who don't know what this means might want to look up "socionics" and "cognitive functions"). I thought it'd be a good idea to get some discussion going into how to improve these. There already is a lot of discussion on improving Fe on the main INTP subreddit: lots of posts about how to learn social skills, cultivate a wider social circle, and so on. Having some of the same here too would be good imho.

So if you like, feel free think of and share questions or tips on how to develop Si and Fe

WINTP LOVE x