What are some suggestions to review past notes with an abusive therapist and ensure my side is heard? Is it better to send my notes to be amended to my chart or ask for the notes first then read them and ask my notes to be added? I’m hesitant to read what the abusive therapist as to say as it might be upsetting and I don’t want them to think I added my side just bc they wrote something I consider to be untrue. Trying to figure out my rights and voice so that whatever the therapist said doesn’t bite me later.

Sometimes I have the thoughts of going back to therapy to get through my problems, such as trauma, social anxiety, depression, and really just processing what's going on during the week. I haven't visited this subreddit in a while, but I chose to today because it reminds me of why I left therapy in the first place.

Therapy was something that had caused more harm and provided little help during the duration that I had attempted. I am still unraveling the effects of it today. With the finite amount of time that I have due to my work schedule and doctor's appointments for physical health conditions, I don't want to waste any more time with therapy.

I remember about how I used to get dismissed in therapy about my problems. There were instances where I would be asked how I would solve my problems, when I was going to therapy to seek answers. I remember how a therapist cancelled 2 hours before session to go on vacation, and another similar story to set up Christmas lights for their house. They got away with it and there is no regulation or keeping them in check.

I have been really wanting to work on my social skills and self-confidence, and even changed my approach from working on depression to those two things at the very end. It still failed me even at that point in time..

Does anyone else feel hopeless at times of getting better because if I can't turn to therapy to get help, who do I turn to? I've been feeling that a lot quite frankly today and am at a loss... I can't open up to friends because it's hard on friends or they don't want to hear it, and they distance themselves. So that just leaves me suffering internally on my own most days.

Post about what's going on: with life after therapy, alternatives to therapy, healing after therapy abuse, support needs. This post will re-generate every Wednesday, around midday, USA time.

I have been active here for quite a few weeks and have shared my story where I went through therapy abuse, my Therapist took advantage of my own vulnerabilities, she first crossed boundaries by telling about her private life, how her husband abused her, and cried in front of me, I was someone who cared for her, obviously because she was my T, I helped her go through this phase, sent her pancakes whenever she was upset, she asked for hugs and forehead kisses, which I didn't prefer but I was so attached to her ( because I never had someone in my life to hear about my struggles, I was emotionally and physically abused growing up by my parents and was bullied in school too, so I had trouble standing up for myself ) but yea, continuing the story, she used to message me whenever she was in trouble, but then started taking advantage of me once my therapy was over, ghosted me whenever I came up with issues or messaged, didn't pick up calls and never returned my money( which I gave her bcz apparently she had an issue with her payment), now later through texts, I get to know that she had cheated on her husband once, now I started to see the redflags, still I believed that she is okay, but here comes the trouble, i used to so not like it, cuz i hated her red flags but again i was emotionally attached, plus the intimate moments, cuz i have never been so intimate with someone. But yea, i posted on few subreddits about what happened and they told me to report her, which i didn't cuz i didn't want any revenge but few weeks later, wrote a big paragraph about whatever the issues were, guess what she blamed me for all of it, how i was the one who caused these troubles and then brought out some of my past traumas saying that i am the one who is wrong and should be ashamed. I realized that each of the believes i had for her, her red flags, narcissistic behaviour was completely true. I ended up the conversation with her and blocked her.

The reason I am writing this post is because I thought of myself as a person who cared, someone who put efforts, and now with was returned to me, i see the carefree guy inside me just vanish. I want you guys to never ever make this mistake, Please, you guys do experience attachment to your T alot and value your therapists, its a good thing, I used to feel good too after the sessions that were professional. But just because a therapist is good to you, its because he/she is good at his/her job, not because he/she is a good person. NEVER CROSS THE BOUNDARIES, work on your mental health. I wish nothing but the best for you all. Whatever happened with me, its fine, World is cruel, and god has its own ways. I am happy that this is over finally, No more stressing over someone, and at least i learnt to stand up for myself and value my self worth. I just hope the love I had for her, comes back to me in someway or other in future, But that's about it, I will delete this reddit account, and start a new life, less toxic and good for mental health. Happy to share this journey with all of you.

Much love, hugs

I'm a 76 year old white cis female, mother of 2, grandmother of 5. I first went to therapy when I was 15 and had anorexia nervosa. It was recommended that I go to a major hospital center for tests (to make sure that my weight loss wasn't a physical disease), then it was recommended that I go to the psychiatric institute at the hospital. I stayed for 11 months. I think that being away from my family for that time helped me gain a little (emotional) independence and maturity but when I went back home I started starving myself again. Until I ended up in the local hospital because of some physical issues the starvation was causing. And I realized that dieting was a dead-end. Literally.

I went to (psychodynamic) therapy with a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst when I got home, started eating -- it would eventually become over-eating but it was more survival-oriented than starving. Although I did try to do something several times, until the last one when I stopped mid-attempt. I decided then I wasn't like to follow through so my ideation stayed only that, although it was sometimes quite strong off and on over the years.

No need to tell you my whole life story and attempts at therapy off and on. But I definitely tried. I've been "off" therapy for 9 years (about) since the last therapist terminated me after 6 years, saying that she didn't have the "emotional resources" to continue. This from a very "well qualified" therapist, I thought. Ph.D. and 2 year postdoc in trauma and dissociation. She checked around town and found an LPC, I think, willing to (try and) "take me on". I declined to try that "referral".

I'm doing much better, having done psychology research and analyzed my "case" myself and tried very hard, with meditation and a very good support group.

I'm seeing and feeling what a "good" life MIGHT be like, being more helpful to my son and grandchildren (I think) without being too bossy. I live in a safe, friendly, laid-back retirement apartment complex, where there are people I can interact with if I want, and not if I don't.

BUT -- my resentment toward the psychology/mental health profession remains VERY strong. I believe my experience COULD help them improve things, but of course NONE OF THEM ARE INTERESTED!!!

So, what is the general recommendation when you can't change other people? Stay away from them, go "no contact", etc. I just wonder how many other younger people are getting hosed, and then of course blamed for it, when it was issues they had no/little control over and which they went into therapy with, hoping/believing they would get help. ONLY TO BE SCREWED OVER.

The social hierarchy is screwing (some - how many? of) us over. Therapists aren't looking into their own part in that, and their complicity in the power dynamics and attempts at control. We clients may not be able to see our part in that, either -- but that is DUE TO ISSUES WE WENT INTO THERAPY WITH, PRESUMABLY TO GET HELP WITH INCLUDING HELP IN SEEING THEM. At least I thought therapy was supposed to, and would, help me see the issues I couldn't. If I had them going into therapy and had little/no control over them, then IN THERAPY AT LEAST they are not my "fault". Although of course in the world at large people will see them as our "faults" whether we have any control/insight into them or not.

My life is closing in on the last decade(s). I'll do the best I can with the rest of it. Continuing as long as I have some brains and strength to try. I guess it's not that different from all the screwed up power dynamics and exploitation in the society that is going on all time. Which I used not to be able to see. Not a pretty picture. But maybe more realistic than what I used to be able to see. :( Glad I could "recover" some on my own, maybe, but still VERY VERY BUMMED at therapy/therapists/the profession as a whole.

It does help to have a place where I can write and feel that maybe some other folks understand.

I applied for disability and am required to get a mental health evaluation as well as a physical exam. Arthritis in my back that prevents prolonged sitting/standing, and C-PTSD that's debilitating for my concentration and general mood. Has anyone else had to do this? Should I be honest so they'll acknowledge my limitations and give me the money, or will that backfire in the other direction where they pin me as crazier than I actually am?

Edited: I should also add that I did EMDR with a therapist I actually liked, who then retired, but she first completed documentation of the CPTSD/trauma response for my SSI application. I wish the doctors would consider that, but she's not an MD.

I’m seeking a bit of advice here. My former therapist, after a few years of grooming, initiated a sexual relationship with me. Needless to say it was pretty damaging for me. I have just recently reported him to the licensing board, and I’m feeling moderately hopeful that they’ll take my claims seriously.

Just yesterday, I was idly googling my abuser, curious if his license is suspended, and I found a WebMD review that says, in short, that he initiated sex with yet another client.

This has blown my mind. It restructures all the guilt I had and all the ambivalence I had about reporting him.

Now I’m wondering if I should make any efforts to get in touch with the other woman he abused, to basically help her realize that it’s not her fault, he’s a serial abuser? I suppose my best bet for getting in contact w her would be…. posting here? I’m scared to post his name but maybe the benefits outweigh the risks? Should I just calm down and focus only on my own healing, and trust that the board will do their thing? Any suggestions welcome.

Post about what's going on: with life after therapy, alternatives to therapy, healing after therapy abuse, support needs. This post will re-generate every Wednesday, around midday, USA time.

Landing page at this point, but the final version is in the works.
There will be a questionnaire to make reviewing easier for people who don't want to write a free-form text:
- Did your therapist terminate you, what reason did they gave you? Did they offer a closing session? Did they refer you out?
- Did you feel you were financially exploited?
- Did they share stories of other clients?
- Did they engage in dual relationship (friendship, did you meet their family members? etc.)
- Did they break boundaries? In what way?
- Did they overpromise ("I will be with you till the end of healing", "I will always love you" etc.)
- Did you file a complaint? We're there any consequences for the therapist? Are they still practicing?
- Would you recommend this therapist to your friends? Why or why not?

I raised a concern with my therapist's regulator and was informed today that it meets the criteria for being worthy of investigation. I'm very pleased. Even if it doesn't go any further, just knowing that the therapist will be made aware of the investigation and asked to respond is far more than I expected would happen.

It's not something I've spoken to anyone in my own life about but I felt it's something people here could certainly relate to!

Intent: to share, and receive any positive words or experiences others would like to share.

Compiling everything has been exhausting and emotional, but also feels good. Bittersweet. The day I received a call from the investigator to ask me questions about my initial report, I've been shaking off and on while thinking about or reading through what I compiled. My body and mind seemed to be finally at a place my body naturally started somatically processing things.

Even so, I'm afraid nothing will be done. That I didn't state or show things in a way the investigator will take seriously. I'm afraid they will make excuses to dismiss the violations made.

While my intention wasn't to ruin him... I'm also going to have many emotions if they deemed nothing was violated on their end.

I'm afraid how thorough I was will make the investigator upset. But I know that's on them, if so, and this was my one chance, so I wanted to make it as clear and detailed as I could be.

I'm afraid of being so detailed regarding some questions, like how I knew he worked outside his competency. I'm afraid they will be upset I really spelled out what competency looks like when trained appropriately and examples how it was opposite and the damage it caused.

I'm afraid they will just point blame on me, even though I know my therapist is responsible and his job to hold professional boundaries and refer out when he was creating harm.

I'm afraid, but also feel empowered to submit this and know I would have regretted it if missed my chance.

I'm reminding myself others have said submitting this goes on file, so even if they don't do anything from mine, if more come forward it will be easier to take more seriously.

My current therapist also reminded me even just knowing a report was submitted should light a fire under his butt to really think about things. I did remind him I didn't think he'll find out unless they decide to investigate, so if I'm not thorough enough or explain properly he'll never know.

I just don't want anyone to go through what I did. And I hope making this report makes a difference.

Title :)

Thank you.

(Uplifting messages are appreciated.)

Hi there,

I want to get some stuff off my chest that happened during a psych ward stay some years ago. It might be a long read.

Please take care of yourself while reading and stop when it gets too much.

For some background information on me: I am autistic and experienced complex trauma even before any contact with the mental health system.

The psych ward stay was informal and took about 6-7 weeks. Here are some the things I experienced:

1. There was a group session where I was forced to touch another patient (upper body and arms). This really triggered me but I was forced to stay. After that I was highly dysregulated and dissociating. I took all of my courage to ask one of the nurses if I could sit out on the next group session. Because I needed some time to myself to calm down. She denied my request so I had to go to the next session crying and being stuck in flashbacks. I tried to bring that up to my therapist on the ward some days later because one of my goals for the psych ward stay was to work on realising and communicating my needs and boundaries. The therapist not only didn’t believe me, she said I must have not communicated effectively enough. So much to the therapeutic goal on working on communicating my needs.

2. We had at least one group session every two days on the ward. One day the therapists just marched into the room, sat down and didn’t say a word. Normally a patient would bring up a topic but we weren’t allowed this time. Then the therapist asked the group: „What are you not telling us?”No one knew what they meant and we were all really confused. Tried to ask what they meant and they just answered: „oh you know exactly what we mean“. Then we were forced to sit out on silence for 1,5 more hours while the therapists were not saying anything. We weren’t allowed to leave the room and it really just felt like silence punishment.

3. Another group session. A patient got worked up about a topic and started screaming and threatening us other patients. Shouting they were going to kill and hurt us and more. Me and several other people dissociated or cried out of fear. No one of the therapists intervened. They just said it’s part of the confrontational method. It didn’t matter how other people were affected by it.

4. I have a dissociative disorder due to complex trauma, so sometimes I experience dissociative stupors that make me unable to move/hear/see when I get triggered. Due to so many situations on the ward I experienced stupors a lot. You think anybody helped me? No. I was left alone. When I „woke up“ often the light was switched off and sometimes the door was locked from the outside. I felt utterly alone.

5. TW! Self harm.

I wanted to hang out with another patient during our free time in the afternoon so I went to her room. She didn’t answer after numerous knocking so I carefully opened the door. Saw how the floor was full of blood so I ran into the room and found her in the bathroom, everything red of blood. Tried to stop the bleeding, then called for help. Finally after 5 min or so (in which she lost so much blood) one of the nurses came and took her away to the Emergency department. I was left alone to deal with the experienced event even tho seeing someone with life-threatening injuries was highly re-traumatising. No one ever lost a word about it except that I just had to „cope“ with it.

6. When I wanted to end the psych ward stay earlier than anticipated (I was not on a section but a planned admission) because of the ongoing abuse on the ward, I got punished for it. Left with a discharge paper stating how I was a highly resentful and manipulating patient and me having a personality disorder. Of course also released „against medical advice“.

7. When I was finally released I still had some phone contact with one of the patients there. She told me that after I was gone the therapist continued to speak badly about me in group session as well as single sessions with other patients. How I was awful to have in ones life and much more.

Went to the ward to work on trauma, left re-traumatised and with much more trust issues than before. I really despise that therapist. I tried to heal and it feels like she just broke me even more.

(Edit: typos)

I’m never late to therapy, I always get there not even one minute late (it’s telehealth). My therapist was always 5-15 minutes late, multiple times in a row. It really hurt me, I have a deep issue with people being late, ESPECIALLY therapists. I finally mustered up the courage to talk to her about it. She promised me she won’t ever be late. I asked her not to promise, said it will hurt if she is late again even for one minute. So, today (two months after the talk) she was 5 minutes late again. She said it was because her computer was updating suddenly and it was taking more time than she expected. I asked her why she didn’t text me at least a couple of minutes before. She said that her phone was in her daughter’s room and she (the daughter) was using it.

She apologized twice, but I was still mad and said her apology didn’t make it better. She got irritated too, said my reaction is very childish and dramatic and it’s a waste of time to talk about it and we should just move on and talk about another issue.

What do you think? What does it sound like to you? There are other issues like her not adhering to therapeutic goals (I want to build a safe space and work on my traumas, focus on my emotional healing and processing with a kind and compassionate attitude and heal my reactions and be authentic and she is always trying to give her takes on other people’s reactions and my mistakes in communication and my “unpleasant way of communication” that I have to change superficially and play the role of a good girl even though I said multiple times that I’ve tried that and that I’m not interested).

I have been getting more and more pissed off thinking about this intake session (original post linked below). Is it normal for a therapist to fish for your entire life story in the second meeting???? How on earth is that helpful??? It only benefits the therapist. They ask an invasive question, knowing you may very well spill too much, and hope you do, because then they have plenty of information to use against you (think gaslighting). They know it might harm you to share too much but don't care, because it's all about boosting their power dynamic.

Here's My original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/therapyabuse/comments/1bhxonl/red_flags_during_intake_session/

After the intake session where he asked me to spill my entire life trajectory, I cancelled the third appointment by text and said pretty much everything I said here -- I'm mortified at myself and at him, for asking a way-too- broad and invasive question unrelated to why I hired him, then left me feeling anxious with zero remedy. I said I shouldn't have told him my mother was a personality -disordered therapist because that skews his perception of everything I say, AND -- wait for it -- gives the therapist an out for anything they say, because "I just have trust issues with therapists." I said, you mined me for information, left me hanging feeling worse than when I came in, and created an out that only benefits YOU. How was I supposed to get anything out of that????

He responded, but I haven't read it. He either (1) gaslights me ("You're misunderstanding the process"), (2) says the generic thing they're supposed to say ("I don't agree but I empathize. This is an emotion we need to explore in-session."), or (3) genuinely apologize ("I'm sorry that approach was so distressing, I didn't intend that but can see your position and apologize.")

Am I alone on this or is the intake process not completely bizarre? It's like getting married before the first date! Was this guy within the lines of Normal when he asked for my life story since birth in our SECOND SESSION???? It just blows my mind.

I can't stop thinking about his abuse to me in my last session with him( I will never go bavk to see him or another psychiatrist). I think of how much he humiliated me and disrespected me and mocked me and belittled me and yelled at me and scolded me. I get angry and my heart races. This happened in january. I want to kill myself. This is so excruciatingly painful. I want to die

Is it okay for a therapist to talk crap about their other clients whether they're from the past or present? This was one of the reasons I started developing lest trust in my previous therapist amongst, other more subtle things that made me lose trust in her. It made me feel like she was talking badly about me too. She seemed inauthentic and dishonest and I understand it's probably comes from being a people pleaser with poor boundaries so I feel for her. I was still surprised though because she teaches about boundaries and communicating them but she couldn't do the same. Not just that, her ideas of shame and judgment were also in conflict with her actions. In the end, I felt like I didn't know how to read her and how to act around her because I could tell she was an internally conflicted person with cognitive dissonance and so was I.

She did help me some at the beginning though so I don't see her completely "bad," but I did realize she was emotionally immature in some ways and there wasn't anything more I could learn from her. I ended up back in a toxic codependent relationship. I understand why some things I did made her feel and act a certain way so I don't want to put blame on her completely. Around that time I was dealing with a lot of guilt/shame and resentment and grief concerning past/present relationships. Looking back I should've ended things with her after around the 5/6 month mark but I lacked boundaries. I haven't been to therapy since. I'm not sure if I ever will go back but I learned some tools from that previous therapist and other tools from my own self-reflections. I'm still struggling but also okay for now with what I'm working with.

​

Background: Years ago, I was seeing a therapist, through video.

She seemed nice at first, but slowly she began saying things that deeply concerned me, and long story short she said something that severely triggered me, I sobbed my guts out after the session, and realized that I think there had been red flags all along. I felt utterly betrayed and devastated, she was advertised as trauma informed but… looking back… I think that was false advertising. I made around 3 posts here, years ago, about this therapist and this place was really supportive. I was completely shaken up and devastated after what happened, thanks to those who supported me!

This lady recommended I tell my abusive mom how her childhood abuse of me makes me feel now as an adult… after months of me telling this woman that when I gave I Statements in the context of my mom’s abuse, this always enraged her and worsened her abuse. After months of me telling this therapist I don’t want to even mildly or gently confront my mom over her abuse, after months of me telling this therapist I have no desire to forgive my mom…

It was a slap in the face for her to recommend a tactic I’d already tried in the past (gently telling mom her abuse was hurting me), a tactic that led to further abuse. I realized this therapist probably didn’t believe me about the abuse, or at the very least, didn’t believe me about the severity and how my mom is truly unwilling to change.

That was the final straw. I never saw her again after that session.

My main questions: Looking back, I don’t know if these things I noticed on video were possible negative signs or if this is normal or common for therapy done over video.

1. She would usually do sessions in her living room in her house. At least once, a housemate walked behind her, and she and him, during the session, briefly talked. I kept quiet whole they talked but I felt very, very, very uncomfortable and at one point they both laughed, and I couldn’t shake off feeling uncomfortable. She didn’t say anything like “I’m in a session, can’t talk” to him when he started talking to her, he just talked and she responded and after a while they laughed. I scolded myself for feeling uncomfortable and told myself “no big deal” at the time, but looking back… I’m still uncomfortable remembering that. I think between my abusive mom and childhood therapists who enabled her, I’ve been conditioned to shame myself whenever I feel uncomfortable or hurt. I think I might’ve done that, with this therapist. I felt guilty her talking and laughing with her housemate during the session made me feel uncomfortable

2. At one point, she began cooking on her stovetop while the session was happening. I felt really uncomfortable but didn’t say anything… but I had a flash of “something about this feels really uncomfortable but all my life I’ve been told I make mountains out of molehills so what if this is a silly thing to be uncomfortable with?”

Part of why I’m asking you guys if talking to roommates and cooking during therapy sessions are normal or common, is… I am seeing a new therapist now over video. She has a room she does therapy in, not a living room but a private room of some sort. She never even encounters other people in the house (or building if it’s a building and not in her home). She never cooks during our sessions. I cannot even imagine either of those things happening with this therapist!

This feels… right. Better. Safer. I feel more respected, more listened to.

Which therapist is doing the norm for video sessions? Are most cooking and briefly talking to housemates during session? Or are most in private rooms and not cooking during sessions like my current therapist?

After my current therapist behaving differently on camera, even if my previous therapist wasn’t breaking rules or doing anything abnormal, I’m upset knowing she could’ve behaved like my current therapist but chose not to.

Both of these therapists are white and I think upper middle class. My current therapist might be younger, but the sessions feel wildly different even though those therapists have the same race and same socioeconomic status as far as I can tell.

My therapist is not qualified and is working under a qualified supervisor. When I signed up I asked if I could get the appointments covered by insurance. They said yes.

Turns out they were not covered but led me on for 9 months off and on saying they are almost qualified. I’m not an idiot and quit after 3 months and said I would come back when they are qualified. I came back for a few months and they did this game again. But this time they put their supervisors name on the receipt. So I got my money back from insurance.

But I have started to notice some shady receipt practices of lumping together old receipts they missed from 6 months ago with current receipts and charging more for the ones that were from the past where I cannot claim because they only put their name. They charge less on the same receipt for the session that is supervised. They also spell their name all lower case and put a whole bunch of weekend course credentials beside their name in capitals to hide their name and in training designation.

They also don’t want me to speak to my insurance company or they claim I will mess up future billing and I won’t get reimbursed.

I did call my insurance company and found out she is not insured but I can get my claim’s through their supervisor.

Either this is extremely negligent or fraud. Either way, is this reportable? Am I overreacting?

I don’t want to report until I get all my money back through insurance and the supervisor.

This has caused me more stress than therapy itself. As soon as they found out I had insurance they said I need to meet 3 times a week for 1.5 hrs or I won’t get better. But they cancel 3 appointments for everyone I have and switch days and times so much it’s hard for me to keep track of receipts or have a life outside of therapy.

In addition, I feel they may have taken advantage of me because I was going through addiction (I got out the other side alone) at the time and they knew I wasn’t clear minded enough to keep track and was desperate for help in my vulnerable state.

They also begged me not to quit when I quit the first time. They contacted me more than when I was in therapy.

I’m on my 16th therapist, and all of the other tries at therapy were pretty traumatic for me (mostly therapists who were rude, judgmental, or didn’t adhere to proper boundaries, abused, manipulated me). This one seems to be ok, maybe not the greatest fit, but she’s ok, I have some insights and progress in therapy for the first time in my life.

But the issue is that we can’t work on a lot of things or discuss a lot of things because I feel wildly uncomfortable. It just feels weird to sit in front of the other person who is really focused on you and is trying to help you. And I hate being vulnerable, I hate showing my emotions and wounds. And I’m also constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop: that she will say something hurtful or do something hurtful or disappear or something like that.

I think it’s just my traumatic history with people in general and therapists specifically. And I don’t think it’s detrimental for me to come to therapy and be this wildly uncomfortable: I just try to go slowly, pace myself and my therapist when I feel overwhelmed and triggered, but I feel pretty calm about my discomfort. When it gets too much, I just let her know and close the topic or discuss the issue in our relationship that overwhelmed me and try to focus on providing myself with safety before I continue.

The therapist is asking how she can help me feel safe. I don’t really have an answer, so we’re just continuing therapy and exploring the options when the issue comes up. Her telling me that she will not abandon or abuse me because she has her own supervisor and therapist to work through these issues doesn’t really help. It does, it helps my rational part to stick with therapy and continue going because I think she might be actually a good enough therapist for me. But it doesn’t help my emotional part that still feels uncomfortable.

I’ve jolted down some ideas of what might help to discuss with her, but got curious about what others think: what would make you feel safer in this case? And do you think 2,5 months is not enough time to build trust? I think it’s normal that I can’t relax with someone after just two months due to my history, but wanted to hear what others think.

Post about what's going on: with life after therapy, alternatives to therapy, healing after therapy abuse, support needs. This post will re-generate every Wednesday, around midday, USA time.

Hi all

I wonder what you think. Please mind that I have disorganised attachment so I'm hypervigilant and I always look for reasons to break up relationships.

So I started seeing this psychiatrist (who is also a GP ) who is proving schema and emdr therapy ( bit much for one person right?) . He is expensive. Here are some things that dont seem right:

• the assessment was meant to last 40 min but lasted maybe 20. I told him my relationship issues and family history which he diagnosed as disorganised attachment.(after 10 min) . However he has not done any deep dive in my current mood for example. He was cutting me of when I was speaking and he doesn't seem to listen

-he sent me schema questionnaire and commented it only shortly on the first vist but without a deep five. He actually told me he had no time to look into it. I had in total 3 therapy sessions still no comments on the questionnaire

• he doesn't remember key info. For example every session he asks me about where is my father ( still dead ) he keeps referring to the notes he did on assessment only not remembering what we discussed on a previous sessions.

• on first session i told him about recent very triggering situation and we spoke about it in length on the next one he didn't remember it.When I reminded him he started inventing details ( I got triggered by fwb, the doctor thought I was in a relationship with that guy)

-each session starts with a heavy visualisation of a traumatic event from my childhood. But that's it. After 15/20 min of work he just tells me how this therapy is going to help me but he doesn't ask me any questions regarding my life my support system etc.

-on a session before last he said we gonna do emdr on the next session. Therfore I signed up for emdr ( which is cheaper)but when I got there he was complaining to me that it is too soon and he seemed upset that I signed up for emdr. So he really doesn't seem to have any plan

-10 years ago I went thru an abusive relationship. He doesn't wanna talk about it he said we will focus only on my childhood. But some things that happened in that relationship were new (sexual abuse, financial abuse etc) so to me its just as crucial to emdr that one too

Overall he seems chaotic and impatient. He doesn't try to get to know me, only focuses on my trauma with my father. But he has correctly noted all my defence mechanisms and when he speaks he makes sense. However I am not sure if I should do deep trauma work with someone who is so chaotic

I've felt unsatisfied with my therapist for a long time. We had a treatment plan but it was unstructured and meandering, she would often rush past any issue I brought up and move on to a different topic, she didn't even have her face cam on half the time, etc. I just felt like she was barely putting in any effort and I felt disconnected from her. After my 'homework' was just a bare bones article I could've just googled I decided to end the service. Her first response was "well you have to practice what we talk about outside of sessions". Despite the fact that I have been and told her so many times in sessions before. But when something didn't work (like CBT) she just doubled down and insisted I wasn't practicing hard enough. Why is their first instinct to blame the client? I've had a couple therapists like this already and it really makes me reluctant to continue.

Mostly just posting to lament places to turn for help.

My partner turns into a different person when she's tired or stressed and I need some help. The main issue is how this affects our 7 year old daughter.

I wish there was some kind of help that would actually evaluate whether I know what I'm talking about before telling me I'm wrong like therapists do.

I honestly could have gotten CPS involved at various times but I think overall that would have been much more traumatic for my daughter and the outcome would not have been sustainable. I couldn't afford to live on my own, I work too many hours to get my daughter to school and pick her up and do all the other things I need to.

It's very likely I could end up homeless.

I used to ask for help on quora and people would only recommend battered women's shelters when I described what was going on, but I'm a man. And I couldn't respond to say I'm a man cause I wanted to keep it anonymous.

I also didn't want to try to get full custody cause I didn't want to take my daughter away from her mom's family. I just need someone that knows about what trauma and abuse are, in great detail, to call things out along with me in my life. To back me up. Because the next level steps are so drastic.

My partners issues weren't from drug use or drinking either. She was eventually diagnosed with lupus and obviously had psychosis induced by neurospychiatric lupus. She also has a major trauma history. But therapists couldn't tell this because it only comes out in private and they wouldn't believe me because I'm not good at playing victim. It pretty much proves what I'm talking about that medications for her lupus drastically improved things. These aren't even psych meds, though eventually getting her on Even a minimal dose for her fibromyalgia has helped a lot too.

Anyway, I've been at this off and on too long and can't even remember what I wrote.

I just wish there was somewhere I could turn that would back me up with problem people in my life like my partner and some family members. That would actually evaluate things before joining in with the gaslighting etc.

Some therapists have said I need to go to lawyers or police with some situations in my life, and that is just such a drastic next step. People in my town have also been killed by police many times. It's a huge scandal.

I think it's insane that therapists are so limited and defensive about their limitations instead of being understanding about it. They can't just say "hey that's not healthy, don't do that" to someone. That's all I need.

I worked in physical and occupational therapy for years and we did it every day. We also knew you can't do therapy on your family. But therapists act like it's my fault if I am affected by things with my family and don't just cut all of them off, which is not at all a realistic option.

Anyway, time to get my daughter ready for school so no time to go back and see if what I wrote names sense lol.

What do you consider a green flag in a therapist?

I’ve had mostly bad experiences with therapists. I’ve had really great therapists, but the horrible experiences have outweighed the good and I’ve become jaded. (I’m not against therapy but I do think the discussion of bad experiences should be normalized rather than automatically blaming the person experiencing bad therapy)

I already know what to avoid, but would like to hear any suggestions of what a green flag would be?

My therapist I joined with last June 2023. I specifically interviewed a lot of therapists with a specific modality on a website that catered to a reduced rate in advice of a family member. These modalities are hard to come by and there are only a handful from where I am… that I can see.

This is what happened. What do I do?

I agreed that we would be in a range of $80 per session. They said they were insured. I really liked them and filled out a 50 page intake form. I am not doing that again to build a report, although I could simply send to another therapist. They totally got me.

They are very well read and obviously highly intelligent based on conversation. I felt they connected with me a lot.

So far, I have not gotten reimbursed through insurance because apparently my insurance provider doesn’t work with “most therapists”. They said it was because they are under supervision. They put the name of themselves or their supervisor or both on receipts and my insurance company was so confused that they would only take some receipts. I asked them when they would be fully registered. They said January. Because I really connected, I said I would come back then. I didn’t now they keep pushing out when they will be registered month by month. I am $5000 in debt. Apparently now after asking so many times I can.

But I can’t put in receipts for the previous year!

On top of this they will not have regular appointments with me and found out I have a job so are charging $250 a session now saying I can claim all receipts later.

As well they told me I cannot talk to any family or friends and caused me to break up with my partner saying they were toxic and now want 3 sessions a week and have me all the time doing extended homework. I’m not allow d to date or have children in the next year or they will drop me.

I know this sounds Ludacris, but in my darkest hour of suicide with no family or friend support I feel they took total advantage of me.

On top of this on my suicide attempt, and for many months later, they made me take days off of work to attend appointments only to find out they cancel 5-6 times in a row each week!!!

I want to cancel my credit card on file, but I want back payment and report this person the the board and their supervisor. I fee they are a con artist. But they also know I have zero support in my life and live isolated. That misspell communication or won’t answer and don’t have a phone I can reach them at but keep saying they are the only one that can ever help me.

What do I do?? I know this sounds off. But this person is the most wolf in sheep’s clothing I have ever met in my life!!!

They want me to take a whole days off work multiple times a week to speak and then cancel. They make more in one hour than I do in a day and I have been paying out of pocket more than my rent. I told them this many times and they tell me they will get better. It’s been at least 50 cancellations in 9 months!

Is this a real therapeutic tool? My therapist was talking about how I don’t like to be touched because I had never been touched. Then she said she thinks I should be rocked like a baby and reparented. I said absolutely freaking NOT! Is this a real thing? Was she being a creep? Thanks!

Trigger/content warning for mention of anti-LGBTQ+ violence
I stopped seeing a therapist last fall after I saw a marked decline in the care to the point where it seemed counterproductive to my healing to continue. In response to my fears of attending Pride that year amidst an increase of hate crimes, her idea of comfort was to say “well at least if you go with friends and something happens, you’ll die together”. Her solution to be more in tune with my body to recognize incoming panic attacks was to wear a mood ring 🙄. She would invalidate my fears, make jokes about childhood trauma, talk over me, complain about her husband and kids (I’m bi, in a non-het marriage, and childless so there was no relevance in even bringing that up), and even paint her nails during our telehealth sessions which while it was the smallest infraction, it’s unprofessional and really cemented that she wasn’t engaged with the sessions or my care.
I’ve had some bad therapists in the 20+ years I’ve been in and out of therapy, and while she wasn’t the worst I’ve experienced, now that I am in therapy with someone who is providing me with the care I’ve been needing and I am seeing growth and I know what better therapy should look like, I am reflecting on how detrimental therapy with the previous therapist was for my mental health and what a waste of time and money her services were. I almost feel a sense of responsibility to reach out to the practice she was at to share my experience if it could potentially help someone else not have to be subjected to harmful therapeutic services, though I am being realistic that it may not have any effect at all. And now that I’m looking her up, she is no longer at that practice and has created her own, so I’m not sure it would be effective to reach out to her previous practice anyway.

What experiences do you all have with sharing your experiences either to the therapist themselves, or the practice they provide services at? Do you feel it’s worth it?

Awareness is spreading about the severe abuse that one can experience in the hands of abusive therapists. An article has been written about abuse in therapy by the BBC, DO NOT TRUST the BACP certification in the uk, just because they are "BACP/MBACP Certified / Accredited" it does not at all mean they are to be trusted or that BACP will do anything for you.

Be sure they earn your trust first. Test them even.

I have been abused by two in the UK. Pretty severely; one started a romantic relationship with me, gaslit me, and used my worries against me. She would use them to hook me back, regress me, and continue the cycle.

She left me suicidal last year.

The other was aggressive, condescending, competitive, and also made sexual gestures towards me. Both were under the body of "BACP" , "MBACP" in the UK. Both private.

The lady had/extensive training in therapy. Because of this, BACP will not take my complaint seriously.

They both took £50 weekly for almost four years.

They have a "point" system. Yeah, it's sick, some therapists have a point system, based on the length they were able to abuse a client.

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