For most people in our country (US), their entire life changed in an instant in March 2020. But for me, it happened almost a month before, to the day.

That was the day we sat in your Office ready to start a normal couples therapy session like we always did. It has sadly become our only date night and I use that term very loosely.

I had no idea what was coming until he blurted out in not so succinct words: “I’ve been thinking long and hard about it. We’ve tried for a long time and things aren’t getting better. I think we should take steps to separate.”

It came as a complete shock as I looked at you from the couch in the office we’ve all shared for quite close to a decade.

And now, we’re divorced. I don’t see you anymore, and now you only see him, and I assume are helping him discuss his new relationship.

No, I don’t assume. I know. You Know how I know? I know because he literally quotes you in his conversations with me about coparenting issues.

That’s right he quotes his therapist in arguments it’s not anything new he did it all throughout our marriage “treatment”.

Yeah I’m bitter. I’m angry. And I feel taken advantage of.

I came to you as a client in 2010, seeking help as a newlywed. I was struggling with what I later understood as social anxiety and PTSD from living as an ACOA.

I was pretty unhappy in my new marriage. You quickly offered for me to invite my spouse into a session, and I willingly included him, thinking it was going to help.

Before long, we were committing to weekly therapy both as a couple and individually.

I realized quickly that this something EVERY person or professional I’ve opened up to since, confirms is extremely taboo in the counseling world. How can you not start to feel bias towards one or the other?

As the years of therapy progressed, you encouraged us to “double down” and commit to therapy together and individually, all with you as the only therapist. Over time it became uncomfortable and I soon started to feel like there was a new person involved in our marriage… a new person involved in our life decisions. That was you.

He looked to you, almost like a guru. If you didnt see that fandom start to form with your patient, then sorry / not sorry, but you are blind.

I know this because as our relationship started to spiral, I asked you/him repeatedly, “how can you remain neutral” and “who is the patient in each given scenario?” “Who are you giving preference to?” “When you hear me talk about our marriage privately, are you using that to steer the other based on your perception of the overall situation?”

You’re the only one that had this vantage point and you took advantage. At some point, it’s only human… favorites would form. You had to know more about the failing of my marriage, than I did. And that is a hard pill to swallow.

Did you know my marriage was ending before I did? Especially since he “had thought about it for a long long time.” Bullshit.

That day, a month before the lockdown. When I saw in your office, and he blurted out that he was done with our marriage and wanted to take steps to separate, you looked shocked too. But how could that be? He came to you with every big, small, or medium-sized life decision, taking your counsel to heart almost to an extreme. I tell friends today, that it felt like there were 3 people in the relationship. If that’s the case, then how could he not have mentioned this to you prior? In his own words, he “thought long and hard about this, for a long time.” Awesome. Love to hear that while I was foolishly thinking we still had a family to salvage, he was thinking about his exit. While I was scrimping and saving for our down payment for our family house, he was planning for his next chapter.

And now you see him regularly. He’s your client now. I had to exit the patient provider engagement this time.

It got too toxic for me. And I think the ultimate problem is… I should’ve been the priority, because as I said from the top of this note, I was the original client. I brought him into our “doctor/patient” relationship, and then it turned on me.

I’m not sure what exactly was discussed in this individual sessions with him. After a while, he stopped sharing details and it became “private”. I’m sure you encouraged that. I’m sure you also encouraged him to see himself as a victim of an abusive spouse. That’s how he saw me in the end. An abusive bully that he happened to marry and now needed to save himself from the monster.

I don’t even know how to close this note there is no closing. it’s all done Anyways

The worlds so fucking wicked and twisted. I can’t believe that in all the investments of the time and the hope that was given, this is the outcome. I’m left alone and you are helping him make his new family with another woman.

It takes time and energy to build a new relationship with someone. Why couldn’t he have done that with us ever? What a pos

I think you should consider all this incredible failure on your part as a professional.

I certainly do.

My abusive therapist relinquished her license instead of fighting the claims so that the others wouldn’t be found by the state; and she received a disciplinary action for my case and one other. There are several sexual statute violations. She is never allowed to be licensed again in any state. In addition to the abuse there was also insurance fraud involved and financial abuse. What type of attorney do I even seek out? Any recommendations?

This quote is from a book by Karney Horney. And it talks about how neurotic people avoid responsibility and are constantly on the defensive and externalize their internal processes. And she cites these as the reason why they cannot establish cause and effect. How they are poor in mind and personality. Because they always think in terms of punishment and mistakes, blah blah blah.

She also uses this for people who blame analysts (nowadays more therapists). So accusations are seen as a symptom because accusations are the nature of the neurotic person.

I saw similar explanations when I was reading Freud. The fact that you were sitting in the patient's chair, the criticisms and resistances to the treatment and the people who applied the treatment would be the biggest proof that you were sick. So it is a spiral cycle.

It's terrible that these teachings have been continued with different sentences from the time they first came out until now. But many people read them and think they are enlightened.

And it makes it even worse when someone says, "I'm not depressed," but most people say, "You're definitely depressed. Your words have no validity. You need treatment."

What do you think?

I’ve known my best friend for almost twenty years. We went through school together and college and we both became teachers together and taught in the same school. She was always a very lively, social, funny person. In 2020 she was very stressed out about Covid. Teaching was very odd during this time - all the kids in masks, not really being able to interact with them closely - etc. She said she felt anxious every day and was going to seek out a therapist. I supported it, having never really heard anything bad about therapy.

Ever since she met this therapist - Eliza - my friend’s life has spiraled out of control. Eliza has convinced my friend that she has social anxiety disorder (excuse me? My social friend who speaks in front of a class every day? No), OCD, and manic depression. She referred her to a psychiatrist who put her on multiple mental health drugs. Because of all the drugs, my friend has ballooned into a morbidly obese person who does nothing but eat and complain about her stomach hurting (well duh?). Eliza has also convinced her that her entire family are toxic narcissists and that her sister is a sociopath. (How tf can she diagnose people with personality disorders that she’s never even met?). She also convinced her that teaching is no longer healthy for her because of her “social anxiety.”

My friend has 1) cut out all of her family 2) quit teaching 3) started working as a night stocker in a grocery store to “avoid people” because of her “social anxiety” and “ocd”.

Eliza has RUINED her. There was NOTHING wrong with her except being fearful of Covid. My friend still sees Eliza sometimes two times a week because she has convinced her that she is incredibly mentally ill and needs her.

My friend cannot do anything anymore. She cries and complains constantly. She is on the highest possible dose of Zoloft. She wants to talk about Eliza every day to me and discuss her “multiple diagnoses”. She is obsessed with Eliza almost as if she has Stockholm syndrome with her. I cannot have a conversation with her without her mentioning Eliza. She’s incredibly broke now since she quit teaching and had to move into a tiny apartment in a rough part of town.

Truly I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. Please… has anyone been through something like this? I miss my friend. She is a shell. She’s no longer her. It’s devestation and just continues to worse by the day. She told me that Eliza wants to test her for “schizoaffective disorder”. Like WHAT?!

Post about what's going on with: healing after therapy abuse, support needs, life after therapy, alternatives to therapy. This post will re-generate automatically, on the 1st day of every month.

I was talking to a friend about how I am trapped in an abusive home. That I spend each day triggered by all the fights, emotional abuse, and neglect. That I spend hours frozen in bed. That I have lost hope for a better world. That I cant even bring myself to apply to jobs because I do not have the right degree or education to earn enough to live on my own. I told her that everyday I am drowning in pain. That I am struggling so much with eating, sleeping, drinking, and cleaning.

And you know what she said to me?

Youre engaging in self-sabotage.

Now, why am I bringing this up in a subreddit about therapy abuse? Its because whatever therapist(s) popularized the term "self-sabotage" are victim blamers, in my opinion. I believe they have brainwashed and duped millions of people to believe that their personal struggles are because they sabotage their lives on purpose.

Its not sabotage when youre trapped in an abusive home. Its not sabotage when youre living in a capitalist country that doesnt believe you should be paid enough to thrive. Its not sabotage when your country doesnt provide high quality housing for people like me with mental health issues who need to escape. Its not sabotage when you need a safety net and none exist.

Now I dont know much about Finland, but Im sure in a country like that, they actually try to truly help people versus in America where therapists are grooming the masses to judge each other and blame each other.

You have so many people in America now regurgitating toxic pop psychology stuff as its the law. I feel like the ruling class might be doing this so that they can control a weakened population

I don't know if the is the right place for this but I don't know where else to post.

My husband (35M) and I (38F) started seeing a couples therapist (male) about a year and a half ago. After 6 months with no progress, our therapist said he couldn't help us but he could continue to see my husband individually; to work through past/family issues that seem to be the root of our problems, with EMDR. Originally our therapist even said he would eventually start inviting me back into the sessions to work through how things uncovered during EMDR were affecting us.

It has been a year of my husband's one on one sessions, I was never brought back in and things are as bad as ever. I have brought up and attempted to talk about every aspect of the situation with my husband, to no avail. Every once in a while, he will admit that he doesn't really see any progress either but will not take steps with me to find another therapist. He admits to me that his therapist picks and chooses what to discuss and work on. He has also told me about statements the therapist has made brushing off hurtful things I have tried/wanted to work through. This therapist also made a comment to both of us, when we initially started seeing him, that he is on antidepressants to "deal with" his wife.

His attachment to this therapist over our relationship is heart breaking and the betrayal and distrust I feel towards my husband and the therapist is immeasurable. I feel like in trying to save my marriage, I lost it to a putzy therapist.

I’m going to post the article below and I hope survivors will take a minute to message the author and ask her to change the language. The key witness in the Menendez brothers case was the client of a bad therapist named Dr. Oziel. She was Dr Oziels client, and every author refers to her as an “affair, a mistress or a spurned lover,” all the while she is begging people to listen to the fact that she was brainwashed controlled and sexually assaulted by her psychologist. Written by:

olivia.waxman@time.com

https://time.com/7022796/lyle-erik-menendez-story-jerome-oziel/

The children of therapists parents I've known were always messed up in some ways. Shouldn't that be an alarm bell that there is something off? How could they not be anyway, their parents have a profession that educates them to be fake, overanalyze everything, and be very judging. Also it requires a constant fabricated "care mindset" multiple hours every day, and teaches them that they are never wrong.

Any child of therapists here?

Disclaimer: This is satire.

Let’s set the record straight: therapy isn’t for the “unstable” types or people with problems.

Therapy is for the perfectionists. You know, like me—the ones who already have it all together but just want to make sure every single box is perfectly checked. Therapy is where you go to keep your fabulous self tuned up. I don’t know why anyone would think it’s for people who have mental problems. Please.

But let me get to the real point here. You should go to therapy too. Yes, you. I mean, have you considered all the ways you could be improving yourself? Therapy would probably do wonders for you, actually. Sometimes I look around and think, “Wow, if only more people went to therapy to work on themselves, the world would be a much better place.” Like, I don’t mean to judge (that’s not why I go to therapy), but you should definitely go.

Trust me, therapy is this incredible place where you can sit down and have someone help you figure out all your issues. Or, in my case, confirm that I don’t actually have any.

It’s perfect for, you know, people who need to unpack stuff. So please, get in there! Therapy is such a valuable tool to work through everything you’re carrying around. I can’t stress it enough: just as I benefit from therapy by having a professional witness my flawless personality, you, too, could benefit from a little self-reflection. Like, do yourself a favor and get on my level of self-discovery, alright?

I just care, okay? I want you to work on yourself. You know, dig deep. And don’t think this is about me! I don’t need you to be “better” just for my sake. This is entirely about you.

Anyway, I hope this has been helpful. Therapy is amazing, and even though I really don’t need it, it’s reassuring to have someone on hand who can affirm my level-headedness and spotless judgment. But yeah, seriously, I want you to go to therapy and start growing. Go on! It’ll be life-changing, probably even more so for you than it is for me.

I need to report my old therapist and I can’t figure out how to.

I need to report her because when I saw her (and only saw her once) she spent most of the session trying to preach to me about god and saying that I could do with believing in a higher power despite me telling her multiple times that I was atheist.

She also kept telling me to ask my doctor about getting on Pristiq for my antidepressants and that if my de wouldn’t prescribe it she knew someone who would but (surprise surprise) she only took private pay patients 🙄

All of this seems extremely unethical to me so I want to report her but I don’t know how. Thanks!

I dont know if this fits into the theme of this subreddit, but I wanna talk about how I left therapy while struggling in a domestic violence situation as well as no job. My therapist tried to use psychotherapy to help me feel better. I told her i dont need this. I need housing. Food. A job. She said she cant do anything to help me with that unfortunately. We did discuss shelters, but they are full. I have no where to go. And i think its insane that so many of my mental problems would be solved with housing. But does modern day therapy care about that? No. They say they care about your mental wellness. I dont think they do. I think therapy is a tool to keep people hostage. It seems like the biggest cheerleaders of therapy are those who never had to actually deal with homelessness.

Once you have been through therapy that has damaged you, what do you do next? I’m just so stuck.

I don’t want to see another therapist as I know they are going to push me to do things I do not want to do, things that have made me worse in the past.

I am looking for books on OCD but so many of them involve trying to change your thoughts through CBT and that doesn’t work for me. It’s just gaslighting + making me focus on my thoughts with no relief is torture. The ERP books are geared toward clinicians it seems. Even just looking for books is completely overwhelming for me.

I know the other stuff, like eat well, get exercise, etc…..but I’m so far down that I can’t even manage that. Even basic self care is out the window.

I am just so isolated and don’t know where to turn next. The OCD sites online just recommend ERP and medication. I’ve posted in ptsd sites, too, but they just mocked my obsessions (nice, huh?).

I’m just so lost.

A lie about total safety and complete acceptance.

A lie that you desperately want to believe, because the alternative - that you are, in fact, alone and people around you don't want to care for your vulnerabilities - is too difficult to face.

But please, don't believe them. The truth, however harsh, is a thousand times better to swallow than prolonging the life of this toxic lie.

Hi everyone I went to a new therapist four weeks ago and things has been fine but she asked me to write this week (until my next session) To write a letter to my abusive mom which is a lot to write about (I’m 32) She said you should write everything you feel and everything happened in detail The thing is i was in an abusive relationship with her since day 1 until couple of of years ago when she got heart attack and I’m still caring for her I come from a background which you can’t just leave I told my new therapist that this is heavy and I just can’t do it in a week She’s telling me I should force my self to do it what do you guys think I really can’t put 30 years in a letter

Hi everyone. Firstly, I want to say that I'm so happy that I stumbled upon this sub. I've read most a lot of the posts and I can confidently say, without a doubt, that I've dealt with most of the same things.

I want to share my story with you all. So I've been feeling a bit distressed after my last therapy session. I ended up canceling our sessions. This is my third therapist. I've thankfully found a licensed Youtuber therapist who specializes in childhood trauma and everything he says just resonates with me and he umderstands that there are some really crappy therapists out there.

So, my skin treatment lady recommended her friend to me (after we talked about how horrible and shady my last therapist was), who's a "psychologist with a phd" (her words) and that her friend is really nice, listens, and that I'd like her. Her friend agreed to see me outside of her practice via zoom (first red flag) for 175 for 45 mins (2nd red flag but she changed the price to 150.) I start talking to her and she tells me that she doesn't even specialize in trauma but thinks she can give me the help I need (3rd red flag.)

She tells me the general therapy spiel about mindfulness and staying present, that's fine. I told her that I doubt myself often and she tells me that it's important for me to have a strong sense of self no matter what anyone says, which is funny, because she ended up destroying my sense of self and making me feel crazy and like I'm perceiving everything incorrectly.

I tell her about my past therapist literally telling me that I'm nitpicking after I told her that my ex R worded me, along with other things he's done, and my current therapist tells me that I perceived it wrong. I also told my current therapist about how I was severely bullied by other girls (literal strangers) throughout my life for just existing (I'm also a girl.) I told her about them throwing trash at me, telling me that I think I'm all that, trying to trip me, following me around the mall just to make fun of me, recording me with their phones, telling me I'm ugly, telling me that they hope I get his by a bus, "accidently" spilling juice on me, telling me I think I'm too good if I'm quiet and keep to myself, making up rumors about me, making fun of the way I walk... the list goes on.

Some info about me: I'm socially anxious, I'm shy, kind to a fault, working on boundaries, and I try my best to shrink myself and people please in order to feel safe (but I still get bullied anyway), childhood trauma survivor.

Do you know what this therapist says to me? She told me that I must be perceiving it wrong because the amount of times I've been bullied doesn't make sense to her. She also told me that it didn't make sense for me to get bullied in college because "adults don't do those types of things." She then asked me what I think about women and I told her that I don't think anything about them, but she wouldn't take that for an answer and said "Weelllll... you must hate them because of your experiences." Now why the heck would I hate a whole gender based on the actions of individuals? Why would I seek out help from a woman psychologist if I felt that way?

She kept stuffing words into my mouth that I did not day. She even told me that I must not have any female friends and that I avoid them. I never said that. Told me that I must be projecting onto women because I apparently don't like myself and that's why I'm so defensive towards them. Yeah totally, I totally "projected getting trash thrown at me. I totally "projected" being called ugly and followed in the mall. Yep, totally perceived that wrong. And I never said anything that alluded to me being defensive towards women or anything? All I did was tell her I was bullied by other women. I told her what happened to me, she just didn't believe it and had her own narrative in her head and I was seen as "lying" or "projecting" if it didn't fit whatever bs she came up with. I even told her that my boyfriend is there when I get bullied too, he's always with me. I told her that I do a pretty good job at asking if others see what I'm seeing because I'd hate to get upset over something I misunderstood.

So, she ended up saying "okay, how about you just tell me all of your "stories" then." It made me feel like I had to prove myself her. I told her that I can't jusy remember every little detail or remember everything on the spot and she just gave me a rude "yeah, I thought so."

Another weird thing she did was obsess over my race, telling me that I must be half black because my skin is tan (both of my parents are black) and then proceeded to keep asking me what I Identify as and tell me that it must be hard not fitting in with white people or black people... I never said that I was mixed with anything, even if I might be. She told me that it must be nice being with a boyfriend who doesn't talk much because I get to have more control. I told her no because I don't feel that way nor does it ever cross my mind, and she would not take "no" for an answer, she kept disagreeing with me and telling me why I MUST like it.

Honestly, I'm just tired and hurt. I doubt myself so much and she just ended up making me feel crazy and like everything is made up in my head. People can be catty and mean for no reason, it's not unheard of. People can do unhinged things. But here she was, acting like those things could never happen to me and that I'm somehow projecting being bullied? Like... how? I-... what?

I'm tired of these holier than thou therapists that are actually mean and think they know everything based off of 2 sessions. I'm tired of giving my trust to them. I remember telling my last therapist (same one who told me I was nitpicking) that I want to be a therapist too and she told me "Ummmmmmmmm.... NO.... how about a social worker" in the most stank way. And then I caught her texting and looking bored when she had me turn to an empty chair and read a letter to my father... while crying. She didn't even apologize, she just looked like she was caught and moved on, didn't even talk about anything I wrote in the letter. I felt so embarrassed and stupid. She always took vacations, always rescheduled on me, never went over what she said she would.

Anyways, thank you for reading until this point. I know it was a very long read but I really needed to share this and hope someone else can relate. I just feel really crazy and I think I'm sad that I didn't stand up for myself. It's hard for me to leave bad situations and advocate for myself. I was fine before I started these sessions and now I'm left with some anxiety.

When asked if I ever see things that aren't there (the example they used was faces in walls) I thought they meant pareidolia- didn't know the word for it back then/ that it even had a name. They never asked about it again just a shitton of medication. So yeah, went to a specialist and it turns out I'm autistic. That was just a little thing on a long journey and it sucks how autism in women is overlooked and so misunderstood.

Sorry for venting and I want to hear from others- preferably women but anyone- falling through the cracks

I started seeing this therapist for emdr. Keep in mind I thought surely emdr was a bunch of woo and would be useless. I was surprised when it actually seemed to be working and I was learning different things about myself my therapist called parts. She said we all have them.

Along the way she would mention how much trauma and stress effect the body, which I never disagreed with, simply reiterated that I have illnesses that are not direct results of trauma.

Well, today we attempted to work on medical PTSD. She directed the session, asked me some questions but did it a bit differently than it's usually done. I could tell she didn't like the answer and I was a bit shocked to give it.

I was feeling a lot of anger and mentioned I was not comfortable with the emotion but didn't want to stop the work.

She started going into trauma causing illness again and mentioned the last week's convo and she said I was defensive. I said I'm not defensive but I feel like you are really trying to push this trauma narrative on me. In all honesty it feels extremely invalidating and dismissive and is the exact same thing my doctors did that caused the trauma to begin with. I am not sure why she thought this would go any other way.

But she started saying all kinds of things I was a bit shocked by and then I thought she doesn't actually buy any of this emdr bs.

She sounded like she wanted to discontinue working with me so I asked her if there was someone else she could refer me to for emdr and she said no, she doesn't know anyone else that does emdr. I said well you told me the entire office of therapists does emdr and she said you misheard me. I said I don't know anyone else that does the specific work I do that I can refer you to. I said, no, I didn't mishear you. But can you refer me to another emdr therapist. She said ok and gave me a name and said she was discharging me.

In addition to this when she kept stating I was being defensive she said it's my job as a therapist to point these things out. I said I understand and would want the things pointed out but I keep telling you it felt like you were pushing trauma narrative onto me so I wasn't defensive I was correcting it.

And here I thought I finally found someone that could maybe convince me therapists are ethical people that have something valuable to offer. But when she brought up last week's convo it honestly felt like she was holding a grudge against me and she honestly looked excited to be able to bring it up today.

When I said it was disappointing the session ended this way because I thought we did a lot of good work and it made me feel bad she seemed more confident like she was back in the power position when one minute prior I thought she might cry. All she said was...wait for it...I'm sorry you feel that way. That wasn't my intent.

So I guess I was just imagining emdr and that it might be working and embarrassing myself in front of this clown. At least I don't feel too upset about it ATM. But boy these people never cease to amaze me in how far they can drop a client.

Myself and my secret girlfriend plus another girl were extremely shamed at my residential.

What happened was myself, my secret girlfriend I’ll call Iz , and another girl I’ll call D were taken into the director’s office. He started off by saying we were disgusting and that what we were doing was extremely wrong.

He then brought up the accusations that had been brought against us. To me and Iz he said we were cavorting in a manner diametrically opposed to what they believed and if he we didn’t fix it we would be on individual time out which means you can’t talk to anyone at all and you have to sit at a desk. It can last a week. I know because it happened to me.

He also put Iz and I on a 5 foot rule. We couldn’t be within 5 feet of each other. Then he went on telling us how disgusting we were. D was shamed because she was bi.

My girlfriend suddenly became not my girlfriend because she still had a difficult time dealing with them shaming her. For months she really wouldn’t talk to me. The director and Cynthia (the abusive therapist) made sure we were estranged. At that point my ex started to hate me because of how the other girls were treated her. The whole thing was so so cruel.

I’m getting a bunch of hate in one of the therapy subs right now by therapists. Some client asked for a hug and was told no and then that they would talk about it next week. The client is now suffering in extreme pain about the denial and fear that their therapist is going to terminate.

So I gave them so reassurance they did nothing wrong asking for a hug, said they could switch if the therapist cannot provide what they need, and that it would not in any way be their fault if they get terminated because they did nothing wrong.

I’m getting so much hate about how the therapist did nothing wrong and client is just unnecessarily anxious about the whole ordeal and my comment was so out of touch.

Im starting to see it now. Therapists literally can do no wrong. Every reaction is always the clients fault- and therapists apparently have no responsibility to manage the transference in a way that is not causing extreme fear and anxiety. Ughhhh. I’m just so tired of the therapists just acting like everything is pathological and not maybe their inability to properly manage transference.

Drove me to my breaking point,

Drove me to my lowest point,

Tortured me til I hit rock bottom,

Then blamed and labeled my reactions,

As psychosis, though I’ve never been,

As borderline, though I do not fit,

As anything except traumatic cries

For you to stop hurting me and justifying it with lies,

Screamed at me louder but only my screams

Got pathologized and used to justify

Every shot you put in my rear,

Hours in that cold bleak room,

Ignoring my pleas for mercy,

Ignored my reminders that you’re mandatory reporters,

Ignored my pleas to your best instincts,

You’ve lost your moral judgment,

You’ve lost your right to treat patients,

Because you forgot to not cause harm,

You’re schoolyard bullies with too much power,

You’re cowards too scared to whistleblow

Knowing you would not be protected,

If you told the truth of your workplace

To anyone with a conscience.

When I stood up for myself,

called you out on your abuse

You punished it with repeated further abuse,

The only difference between me and you,

Is you’re on the other side of the glass,

Shocking me and seeing how long I last.

You’re no more sane for abusing your power,

As I am for being in this torture chamber.

I myself was in therapy for nearly a decade and have been out of it for a little over two years and have been so much better off without it. I don't really want to get into the details of why since that's a long story and not the point of my post, but my many experiences and the things I've learned from being in therapy and from recovering from it have made me cautious and attentive to red flags when I see people I love struggling with mental health while being in therapy.

My mom (late 50s) has been in therapy for probably a decade now (she started a little after I did) and has only seen one therapist that whole time. She claims it has helped her, but she has gotten more and more emotionally numb. She has no interests or friends anymore. She doesn't like doing anything. She says she doesn't feel depressed, but she's certainly apathetic. I know she's scared of anything that feels bad (she's not good at identifying what the bad feelings are because she immediately tries to numb herself if she starts to feel them). She spends hours a day doing mind-numbing mobile games (pretty much any time she's not working). I have conversations with her as much as I can because I miss her, but we can't have normal conversations. She tells me about her life challenges sometimes, which makes me happy because at least she's engaging with something, but I can't talk with her about things I'm interested in or especially any of my challenges without her totally shutting down. It wasn't this bad even five years ago.

She respects my opinion and might listen to what I have to say about it, but I don't even know where to start with this. I've suggested a few things to help her get in touch with her emotions (like ways to start trying to identify what the bad feelings are and things to journal about when she's shutting down), which sounded completely novel to her, but she seemed too scared to take that advice. Maybe she needs something simpler.

I feel like I'm losing my mom. I don't know that the therapy is necessarily even part of the cause, but it certainly doesn't seem to be part of the solution. It sounds like the therapist doesn't give her any kind of coping skills or teach emotional regulation and just tells her to run away from bad feelings and tells her to blame other people for her problems in areas where she does have power to solve them. A lot of what she tells me the therapist says doesn't make sense to me or sound remotely helpful. I'm worried it could be part of what's ruining her life. I want my mom back, but even if I can't get that, I want to support her getting to where she can at least function like a person again and feel real happiness and make choices for herself.

this therapist was the last straw for me. i came in with adhd and depression. i have been trying therapy for five years after hearing everyone rave about it so much, i kept thinking i just “wasn’t finding the right one”. i concluded even the best therapist wasn’t worth all this extra stress.

i come in with issues with my parents. communication. navigating the world, the way i am. executive dysfunction. but then out of nowhere he starts to talk to me about how much he sympathizes with incels. i swear to god i could be talking about my job (as a video editor) and suddenly incels come up (?????)

i did not come in to hear someone lecture me on how ugly men feel trying to pick up women at a bar. I DONT EVEN GO TO BARS. i have never mentioned men or ugly men or dating or anything?

i especially did not come in to hear about how they feel when women think they’re a sex offender but don’t think a another guy is (??) because my problems are NOT “i can’t get away with as much before being convicted womp womp”, BUT ACTUAL FUCKING SEX OFFENDERS????? honestly why bring that up to me when me, my friends, and my family are all dealing with trauma from sex offenses?

every time i go to therapy to hopefully make my life a little easier to manage, it just makes it that much harder. it sucks me into a dynamic i never wanted but a dynamic that the therapist wanted.

all i wanted was to be more productive at work, manage my adhd, manage my depression, learn how to deal with my family, that is fucking it!!!

good fucking riddance, therapy!

At first, a few years back, it might've been longer, when I saw BetterHelp ads. I thought it was nice, a great idea in fact. To make therapy available to everyone, everyone in need of it. Easily accessible, all you need is an internet connection.

Then I heard about the horrible experiences people have had with it, how the service is actually being monetized, not aimed at helping people. This is not even the worst aspect of it.

It got even worse after I read this reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/therapyabuse/comments/14aiag5/stop_the_better_help_ads/

Still, even today, BetterHelp seems to be everywhere, and big YouTubers and influencers are promoting it. It's just awful. How can they do that? How do they not know anything about, what they are promoting?

It's not that hard to do a little background check into, what you're promoting, a quick Google search would go a long way.

I'm so annoyed when I see their ads, even more so when I see someone I held up to a higher standard promote them.

Can we please make this stop?

I live in a postcolonial Asian country, and I belong to the indigenous population of said country. When I lived in my hometown, I had to see a therapist there because I thought I had very bad depression (that later turned out to be PTSD). This therapist is white, and she was obsessed with making everything about my ethnicity, which she had a very limited understanding of because she only knew like one other person from my ethnic group.

I shared with her that my mother’s abusive, and she agreed to some extent, but then she went on this bizarre rant about how “Oriental” people like me have an inherent need for community that European people don’t have. And she said that because of this, distancing myself from abusive family is the CAUSE of my suffering. She told me I should go home and hug my mom and try to reach out to her more. My mother inflicted horrendous abuse on me and still hates me, so of course I disregarded the advice, but can you imagine how many people listened to this therapist and found themselves in dangerous situations?

She also told me that for people of my cultural background, marriage is very important and I need to find a husband asap. I told her I’m attracted to women, and she was like, “No you’re not. You’re just jealous of them because of their femininity!” She also laughed when I told her I had experienced sexual assault and asked me if I “really” experienced it or if I just “didn’t like it” and lied about it.

This sounds like a caricature and not real life, but unfortunately, it did happen to me. In my country we don’t have any organizations that regulate the field of psychotherapy or give licenses - anyone’s basically free to practice. And this person doesn’t only practice but also teaches at the medical school. So when someone I know considers therapy, I cringe wondering what kind of garbage their therapist learned in school (or worse, some kind of seminar or online course) and is going to spew during their sessions.

Could make the text insanely long with countless examples, but just wanted to vent generally.

She disclosed counter-transference/limerent feelings very early on and it didn't bother me at all back then. I liked her, but it wasn't serious feelings before her confession. We had romantic feelings throughout therapy and then terminated after 3 years with nothing major happening (although for sure lots of boundary violations).

It's weird how her recollection completely contradicts mine e.g. her view was that therapy went off the rails at the start but moving towards end it kind of got better and work was being done.

Instead my view was that it didn't bother me at all at the start, it was very healing, although I got love-bombed like hell and by the end our relationship was all I could think about and no work at all was being done. Feel like her view is only because she wants to feel able and professional, that she got her CT/romantic feelings under control and could move on with therapy.

I came to therapy for depression and she smilingly said recently "I have depressed clients, you don't even know depression, you are not depressed at all" which is obviously pretty damaging even though it was intended as a pep talk/joke. Whatever you say.. Years wasted to this, probably first time I was actually extremely depressed for a while (while she said this) and completely in the same position as when I started except I was put into unnatural dual relationship without my consent. Most of the time she is very kind and admits her mistakes. Except sometimes it's back to "you don't know depression" "why do you still need to go to another therapist" (good point indeed, to talk about what happened between me and you) and "My therapeutic role is so strong" (sure didn't seem like it at the start) La La Land. And there is curiously obvious difference between professional texts and close to romantic IRL talking although we are not in contact anymore.

I even remember at the start linking her to some romantic feelings toward therapist forum and she just said that she couldn't handle the guilt reading them (e.g. posts blaming therapists for disclosing feelings). I knew full well already then that the pain in those forums was going to be my future.

I have to struggle with abandonment (although pretty much consensual) + try to get rid of feelings still, thinking what was this all for and what was real and what was not? Let's just say I have probably gone through every feeling regarding this and doesn't seem to be ending soon.

edit: And one classic line that comes back to mind "I don't know if you realize how vulnerable I was/am with you" (in this relationship). says it all

I'm honestly sick of these "therapists" (and people in general) who trivialize your suffering. For example: You tell them you're a child to abusive parents, so they'd use these stupid coping mechanisms such as "at least your father did not rape you every night" or "at least your parents did not pimp you out to some guys for money" and so on.

I know it myself because I went to an abusive therapist who basically made fun of me when I( a 14 years old girl back then) was a victim of a rape attempt. I still recall that day as if it were yesterday, I was a victim of a rape attempt and had an appointment the same day after that disgraceful event happened. I arrived to the therapist's office crying and frankly destroyed, it's something that haunts me to this day. Yet this "therapist" stood up there, looking at me with a straight serious face trivializing my problems and said: "well, what are you crying about? at least he did not penetrate you" and then one appointment later, this POS told me to go back to my school because it would teach me "resilience".

I truly feel abandoned, my mother did nothing about it but talking "peacefully and non-violently" to the principals and teachers who told her that this guy was a "poor boy raised by abusive parents". Everything fell into oblivion and this POS was able to come back to the same school after a year, he was just suspended but not expelled. I feel violated and betrayed by my own mom, psychiatrist and therapist. My disgusting, abusive and nasty mother to this day tells me that I should not do anything against him because "he must be paying his own karma"

When I was fifteen, a therapist at a residential treatment center where I was living developed an enmeshed relationship with me where physical and emotional boundaries were crossed in extreme ways. I became completely dependent on her, and after treatment ended, I was devastated. I looked for “her” everywhere, and unfortunately, I found others like her. Therapists who wanted to rescue me, and developed dual relationships with me, taking me home with them. Becoming “friends.” Family even. I moved in with one of them and became her nanny. I was 22. I should have been in school, I should have been dating. But instead I was her pet. Until she didn’t want me anymore. In the end she told me to kill myself. I feel like it was my fault. I wanted it. I didn’t understand. Now I do, and the grief is so intense it feels like a physical injury. All those years wasted in the pockets of people who should have known better. Before that first therapist, I was a typical adolescent, interested in peer relationships. After her, I became neurotic. All I cared about was repeating that relationship. I didn’t see it until now, and it’s very heavy. There isn’t much support out there for therapist abuse, so I thought I would try posting here. Thanks for letting me share.

Ironically this helped me understand myself and others much more than "Therapy". Both are pseudo science but still.

I'd be extremely interested to know those of this community.

The effectiveness of psychotherapy...

is probably simply orders of magnitude lower than generally assumed (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735821001549?via%3Dihub), the remission rate among psychotherapy patients is suspiciously close to the natural remission rate (https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1093%2Fclipsy.9.3.329, https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291712001717), the literature is plagued by major methodological flaws (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26411384/) and therefore of limited informative value, and concrete tips as to why therapy fails are out of place anyway, as nothing has been credibly proven about concrete mechanisms of action (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30550721/) and therapists have not yet acquired any concrete promising methodologies, at least not in the course of their practice (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24393136/). There are many things that can be tweaked to change the life situation - social environment, profession, hobbies, etc. - it may not be advisable to tweak the adjusting screw called therapy with all our might when we do not know for sure whether it is a failure (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29486804/)

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