I was a police officer in South Africa for 20 years and this is one of the many funny stories that happened during my time in the force. This story happened in 1990 while I was stationed at the Cape Town Supreme Court as a court orderly.

Everyone who works in Cape Town, know about the South Easter. It is when the wind blows from a South Easterly direction over the Cape Flats, and it can easily reach speeds of 35 knots plus. Some of the newer buildings in Cape Town have been designed without compensating for the effect of the wind. This in itself is strange as one would expect progress to be made though the years, but apparently this is not always true.

The Cape Town Civic Centre is a great example of this. The building is open underneath with a road for traffic to pass underneath. When the South Easter blows, the flow of the wind is forced through the opening for the traffic and that causes people to be blown off their feet and even busses to topple over in extreme circumstances.

On the one side of the Supreme Court is the building for the Cape Town Provincial Administration. It was built flush with the Supreme Court to form an L shaped building. It also has a marble arch throughfare for people to walk through underneath the building. When the South Easter starts blowing, the wind gets trapped by the building and it is then funnelled through the archway. This causes the wind to reach tornado strength going through the arch way and if you are not wakeup, it can cause all kinds of funny things to happen!

Everyone who works at the Supreme Court know about the wind, so when you are walking to work using this throughfare and you feel the wind building, then you know it is time to take off your cap, pinch it under your arm and grab the nearest pole! It is a well-known spot known by us cops for woman’s dresses to be blown over the heads, jackets to be ripped open and handbags to be blown away.

On this day, two Volkswagen “Combi” delivery vans arrived at the archway. Very soon there was a model posing with different sets of clothes and a photographer photographing her. They were using the marble facade of the archway as a backdrop for the photoshoot. Naturally all of us cops who worked at the court went outside to watch the photoshoot. Every now and then the model would disappear into one of the vans and then came out a minute to two later with a different set of clothes on. Perhaps I should add that the model was quite soothing on the eyes as well which was all the incentive, we needed to keep on watching the spectacle unfold!

The wind started blowing lightly... The photographer was ecstatic because the wind created just the right image he wanted to capture. The model disappeared into the van again and this time got out with a thick heavy winter coat. She went back to her spot at the marble archway and the photographer started taking pictures of her again.

Suddenly the wind started building up speed rapidly and we all knew what was coming… The poor girl was caught completely off guard as the wind forced its way through the archway. The wind ripped the coat she was wearing open and no matter how hard she tried, she could not get the front of the coat to close again! The whole affair would have been nothing, except that the girl was wearing nothing but her panties under the coat!

The photographer just kept on taking pictures as if noting was happening. We all stood there smiling like the sweet little boy from next door, while we watch the girl show her boobs to the world!

Needless to say; sometimes you just have to be in the wrong place at the right time!

I was a police officer in South Africa for 20 years and this is one of the many funny stories that happened during my time in the force. This story happened in 1989 while I was stationed at the Supreme Court in Cape Town as a court orderly.

Our primary job was to maintain order in the court and to handle any evidence that was to be presented to the court. If the accused was in custody, then it was also our job to make sure that he/she was present for the hearing.

The court building had two entrances: the main entrance which is where you would go in to attend the court and the second back entrance on the opposite side of the building was for the admin offices. This is the entrance that was used to obtain transcripts of court cases.

The court had its own security, but it is important to know that security guards have no powers of arrest, so every day, one of us cops would do duty with a security guard at one of the entrances just in case things go south and a cop is needed to perform an arrest. This was way past boring to do, therefore we made turns among ourselves to do this duty. On this day, I was on duty at the entrance to the admin section.

I had just opened the door for the public to enter when, Mr Peters, which was the head of security (not his real name) showed up to talk to the guard stationed with me. Mr Peters was in his late fifties, and he had a prosthetic arm and hand. Everybody who worked in the court know about his disability and I do mean everybody. He was a very likable person; quick witted and always ready to crack a joke or make fun of someone.

A few minutes later, one of the judge’s secretaries walked in the door. She was carrying a large pile of books in her hands and when she saw him, she instantly said: “Mr Peters, would you give us a hand, please?” He answered: “Sure”. He walked up to her, unhook his prosthetic hand and placed in on top of the pile of books!

Seeing the hand, the poor women fainted! We caught her just before she could hit her head on the floor. Needless to say, he was in a heap of trouble for pulling a stunt like that.

Now before you go and crucify the poor man, just remember that this was the 80’s and life was a lot different then it is now. The term “politically correct” did not exist and if you wanted to call somebody stupid or dumb, you could do it without fear. Back then a stunt like this was seen as naughtiness and you were usually just given a very stern warning. Try that now and you will not have a job to speak about anymore!

Sometimes I really miss the good old days!

Back in the late 80s the NSW government (Australia) introduced a class of police officer called Transit Police to focus on safety on the public transport network, particularly trains. A lot of people assumed they were glorified ticket inspectors with no real powers. Those people were wrong.

I was travelling on a Sydney train around that time and a guy sitting near us had his boots up on the facing seat. A Transit cop walking through the carriage politely asked him to take his feet off the seat which should have been the end of it. Instead the guy just arced up with a string of profanity and tries to start a fight. Quick radio call from the transit cop and he has backup from another carriage and old mate is in cuffs and getting his ID checked. From what we over heard on the radio and what the cop said to him, he has at least two outstanding warrants for missed court attendances and possibly other stuff. So instead of just taking his feet off the seat, he is going to jail over outstanding warrants plus new charges for assault / resisting arrest.

So I'm on patrol and I get called out to a business because there's a guy using drugs in front. When I get there, the guy is walking away, so I let him go, but there are 2 other homeless guys sleeping in front of the business.

I ask the 2 guys to leave because I know I'm going to get a call for them later, so I figure I will just handle it now. I'm totally cool with the guys and I ASK them to leave.

So the 2 guys start packing up. One of them starts walking away. Then he chucks an object (which I thought was a rock but turned out to be a vape pen) at the glass door of the business.

Well I thought the object cracked the window when he threw it (it turned out later to just be a scuff mark). So I figured you know, that's not cool, he can't just damage someone's property like that. So I decide to detain him for vandalism.

I tell the guy to stop, but he doesn't want to stop. He runs away. I chase him. He runs down the street, but I'm gaining on him. Up ahead, there's a lady and her 2 kids crossing the street.

So the guy runs around behind the lady and her kids, grabs the lady, and starts punching her in the face. I'm like, "Holy shit, I was not expecting that."

So I grab the guy and start punching him in the face. We all fall to the ground, and after about ten seconds I'm able to pry the guy off her.

The case goes to court and I (of course) get accused of excessive force and causing the whole fiasco. The guy's trial ends in a hung jury despite the whole thing being captured on video. We're going to trial again in a few weeks, so we'll see...

My first few years in Law Enforcement I worked at a sheriffs office in Florida, with about 350 sworn deputies. We had a mixture of rural and urban areas, and a large city police department that was around the same size as us, as well as several 20 man city departments for the smaller towns in the county. I was also in a college town so occasionally we had some fucked up calls with those idiots.

I’m working patrol one night and it’s the usual fare for a Saturday; domestics, shots fired, and traffic problems/street racing. My shift had a ritual, when it got to around 0430 or so a few of us who weren’t tied up would go to this 24 hour breakfast joint and do our reports at a table in the back room and shoot the shit. This night I had a trainee who was pretty legit, he was doing well, was in 4th phase which is essentially the “I’m here for backup handle your shit” phase.

As soon as I ordered my chocolate chip pancakes we hear the dreaded BEEP BEEP BEEP tone that means either something serious is happening, or a citizen heard a possum outside and called in that they were being burgled. My trainee jumps out of his seat and hauls ass towards the car so I’m like, well I guess we’re going to this one whatever it is.

Callers reported a man running northbound in the southbound lanes of a major highway. There’s several more calls asking us to step it up because there’s already one single vehicle crash. We get on scene and I’m looking around, and everything seems pretty normal at first, until I catch some movement in my peripheral vision in the bushes by the Howard Johnson. I shine my flashlight across the road, and I see a flash of skin. I start carefully making my way across the road and I see a head poking out of the bushes. I challenge him, and my trainee pulls his taser and starts shrieking in a high pitched voice for him to get out of the bushes. The guy says “I can’t. Because Tony Romo.” I get closer and now can see he’s sitting Indian style in the bushes. He’s also very very naked, and sweaty.

We try to coax him out of the bushes and he jumps up and yells “I AM THE LIZARD KING” and starts sprinting down the sidewalk, and into the highway again. He takes off, wearing nothing but tennis shoes, and not a stitch else. My trainee looks at me like 🤷🏻‍♂️ and I’m like “go get him, he’s gonna get killed!” So he chases the guy down with me behind him and tackles the dude in the median and cuffs him up. By this time the entire shift is there cause they heard there was a naked dude, even the supervisors. It’s also 5am now and we get off at 6am so I’m pissed. We sit the dude down in the median cuffed in the front because he’s obviously not dangerous after interacting with him, and he’s picking things off the ground and eating them, and talking about how Tony Romo is one of the Illuminati and how he’s one of the lizard overlords. He wasn’t just sweaty either he was covered in some sort of lubricant and smelled like solvent.

I talk to the LT, and I’m like “this dude ain’t gonna be accepted in the jail the nurse will laugh us out of the place” he’s like yeah, what do you think? I’m like, “hospital, 100%, let them deal with this.” Put him in the back of my car, and we take him to the ER. Security is glaring at us as we bring in this naked dude wearing a blanket we keep for people in shock. Place him on a 72 hour mental health hold, and take off. My trainee looks hollow eyed like he’s seen a ghost I’m like dude, first naked guy? He’s like, yep hopefully last naked guy.

Naked dude gets admitted, and I’m only 45 minutes late getting off. Turns out he was on mushrooms and ketamine, and had covered himself in a mixture of gasoline and ky jelly. Not the strangest call I had that week, that story is for another time.

It involved burglars supposedly breaking into a man’s house and jerking him off in his sleep. And also planting cameras on his horde of cockroaches that were literally living with him in his house.

Y’all liked my last story, so I thought I’d tell another that happened recently.

This is the tale of Jose, a man who allowed pride to get the best of him. Pride and booze.

Officer Sleepy is on his way back to the substation to end his shift. The last thing he wants is to get tied up with nonsense when he’s about to head home. But when Officer sleepy sees Jose driving like he’s blindfolded, he does the right thing and pulls him over.

As soon as the window opens, Officer sleepy gets blasted in the face by the smell of beer. Jose is looking cross eyed, can barely say the alphabet or count to save his life.

Officer sleepy runs Jose through SFSTs. Jose is confused why he had to keep doing more tests. He’s certain he nailed every one. Spoiler alert: he did not.

Officer Sleepy places Jose under arrest for one of the most obvious OVIs of his career. Jose is deeply indignant. He’s not a criminal! He doesn’t have guns! He did all the tests PERFECTLY! He’s done nothing wrong!

Now here’s the thing you need to know about many big city agencies, including the one for which Officer Sleepy works: People arrested for OVIs are almost never taken to jail the night of their arrest anymore. They are given a court date and taken someplace safe.

Officer Sleepy asks Jose for his information. Jose decides he is not going to go with the program, and lies. He says he’s the registered owner of the car. Unfortunately for Jose, police can actually look up DMV photos, and clearly see that’s not him. Officer Sleepy asks what his real name is; Jose stays silent. Officer Sleepy gives Jose one more chance, “if you give us your ID info, you will go home tonight with a ticket and a court date. But if you do not ID yourself, as required by law, we will charge you with failing to ID, and I promise that you will spend The weekend in jail. And we will ID you anyway “

Well, Jose is too proud or drunk or stupid, or some combination thereof, and decides, “that’s fine, take me to jail. I’ll spend 2 or 3 days in there, no problem.”

Officer sleepy took Jose to the ID unit to have him fingerprinted, where his name and info was discovered. After spending hours there and finishing paperwork, Jose was slated in jail about 4 hours after the traffic stop (about 3 hours after Officer Sleepy was supposed to leave for home 😭).

Well, despite being a big city where many people are released on recognizance bonds, even for violent crimes, Apparently the court is not happy with Jose either for some reason. He was arraigned and given a large bond which he could not pay. Jose is spending his 17th day in jail as I write this. He has court again soon, where he may be released, if perhaps he can show a bit of humility before the judge.

In the end, all he had to do was give up his name, and he wouldn’t have even spent a single night in jail. Part of me wants to see him again, so I can ask him if it was worth it.

Officer Sleepy, out of service

I’ve always wondered what a cop would say that I should have done differently.

It was shortly after the start of a 1st date (blind date set up by a new work colleague), he was driving us to the restaurant; I have no idea why specifically he fled; he just told me he was wanted, and took off. This was a couple of decades ago, I didn’t have a cell phone, I was in my early twenties and naive, and I’d only recently moved to San Francisco and didn’t know the city at all. They pursued. He lost them during a terrifying chase, by suddenly ducking down a residential street, pulling into an empty driveway, turning off the motor and pushing me to the floor then laying on top of me with his hand over my mouth. I saw several sets of lights go by several times and we laid there for a long time before he let me up. He said he wasn’t afraid I’d scream, that he’d only put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t hyperventilate and fog the windows. Which made me think that this wasn’t the first time he’d run. I considering jumping out of the car and banging on someone’s door but I had no idea where I was or what kind of neighborhood it was, and the. He said he’d been really scared of getting caught because he had a gun under the seat. I asked him to take me home, and amazingly he did. I never heard from him again. My work colleague claimed he never saw him again, either, and that he didn’t know why he was wanted —- though they’d been high school buddies.

During the chase, I was far more frightened that we’d crash or hit someone than I was of being “caught”, because I didn’t know what he’d done. And I was totally naive about police interactions. Since then I’ve seen enough footage of police chases and read enough news stories to feel fear for anyone who is an unwilling/unwitting passenger in a chase.

Our agency, a rural county with approximately 40 sworn deputies. We added some of our guys to a joint tactical team with a neighboring county to share resources. That's all great. However the shit show that follows is not.

I feel laying my qualifications and experience here is necessary. I shoot, alot. In 2022, I filled 2, 5 gal buckets with 5.56 brass alone. 2023 was 2 buckets again but mixed 9mm/ 5.56. All on my own time and dime. I shoot ipsc, uspsa (probly not much longer since the BOD drama), 2/3 gun, precision rifle, etc etc. On top of that, I am the agencies firearms instructor, armorer, tactics, and local gun guru guy.

I was asked to draw up a document for several new rifles for the guys assigned to the tac team. So, I provide several quality rifle manufacturers (BCM, ADM, MI, MUNITION WORKS, DD, GEISSLIE, etc) suppressor options (Surefire, griffen, etc, optic packages, recommendations on specific things like barrel lenghts, optic mount heights, etc etc etc.

All said and done. The only work management had to do was follow my recommendation and our guys would have recieved excellent rifles. What followed was and still continues to be a royal pain in my ass.

Management deceide to go with a local to us manufacturer, the rifles provided were, as I wrote in an email "absolutely unacceptable for use in any capacity" what was so bad?

1. guns over gassed, not by a little, waaaaay over
2. gas keys not staked
3. Improper buffers weights for supressed guns
4. proprietary rails, I can't get them off.
5. loose parts, from the mfg
6. bent firing pins
7. slanted bolt tails aka crooked
8. improperly cut feed ramps
9. failures to feed
10. failures to fire
11. failures to eject
12. 10.5" mystery barrels
13. muzzle brakes not flash hiders
14. trigger rest and fall issues.
15. poorly mounted optics (vortex 1-6SE)
16. laughable accuracy

I spent no less than 500 rounds of my own ammo trouble shooting these rifles to figure out their problems. I also compied hundreds of pictures, video, and slow mo to document these issues. This was all then provided to mangement

WHAT, you may ask was this companies response to our issues with their rifles?

1. there's a break in period.
2. download your mags to 28 rounds.
3. your armorer is an idiot.
4. when we tested the rifles they worked fine.
5. they meet accuracy standards.

............................ So what have I learned here and what am I hoping everyone can take away for this is simple. You can be the end all expert on a topic in your agency. When management asks for your opinion or suggestion on a topic, I now ask them this: Are you asking me for a factual, data driven, experienced based recommendation, or are you just asking me to make it seem like your pondering options.

These rifles are in service with our agency still. Thankfully, I have rectified all issues and they have been great performers since. However, the costs associated with fixing a lesser product has now surpassed what it would have been with a reputable manufacturer. And to end on a positive note, our agency cut ties with said local manufacturer and bought a bunch of BCM 11.5s for patrol. Small win, just cost me alot of headaches.

Be safe, stay deadly.

Let’s call him Jim. Jim ran a red light. Jim got pulled over. Jim is polite and respectful. Jim hands over his ID, insurance, provides his current address and phone number. Jim’s lady friend in the front seat even hands over her ID, unprompted. Officer runs Jim. Jim has a warrant for petty theft from a neighboring jurisdiction. Officer returns to Jim and tells him he has a warrant, and needs to step out of the car. Jim says, “what? I have a warrant?” Then proceeds to put his car in gear and takeoff (with 2 year old Jim jr. in the back without a car seat). Lucky for Jim the agency pursuit policy prevents officers from following him. Unlucky for Jim, officers now know exactly who he is and where he lives. Officers proceed to file warrants for 6 charges against Jim. The warrants also served to trigger an automatic violation of his probation.

The funny thing is, there was only a $300 bond on the petty theft charge. He probably would’ve been released immediately if he could pay it. The even funnier thing is that warrant was no longer even in NCIC the next day. Meaning it probably wouldn’t have even been good. He would’ve been handcuffed, the warrant verified, and if no good, released immediately.

The next day Jim’s lady friend called asking for HER ID. Sorry lady, it was mailed to the DMV. But she confirmed that the address Jim so kindly provided was a good one. A couple hours later, the officers from whom Jim fled paid him a visit.

Now Jim is in jail serving the remainder of his previously suspended 180 days for the probation violation, plus whatever the new charges bring.

Jim is dumb. Don’t be like Jim.

I'm someone that is ok with living with in rough neighborhoods, a few years ago I was considering renting a property that had literally been raided for being crack house.

Landlord fixed it up a bit, I liked it, price was good, cause no one wanted it, I said to the landlord "I'll rent this house if you let me run a K9 unit through here" he goes "Drug dog?" I go "Yea, I want the cops to bring a drug dog in here, that way we can be sure no drugs are left behind" landlord was actually super excited about that prospect and said absolutely if I can get a K9 unit to search the house just let him know when and he'll unlock the door and let the dog have fun.

I have a family friend in the local police department, he's a part of their K9 unit and his dog is trained for drugs"Hey Tom, got a weird request' he goes "whats that?" "Can bring a drug dog to my house?" "You want me to bring max?" "Yea! Max is awesome"

So he brought max, called the landlord, got a time, my buddy comes over with his dog. Landlord is actually really happy, he had asked a drug dog to be run through the house before but he didn't get anywhere. My buddy was also pretty happy cause he was getting bored with some of the training spots they use, and this was new to Max. Which I guess is a good thing for the dog?

Anyway, Max did find some drugs, we found some crack cocaine (small amount), like under a oz I think it was someone personal stash. Landlord was a bit concerned, but my buddy told him since they knew this house was raided, they figure the drugs are from the tenants and not the land lord.

My buddy did his paperwork for the crack he found, I played with Max, and they left.

Signed the lease, moved in a few weeks later.

Wasn't the nicest place, but a 2 bedrom 1 bath for $600 with a fenced in yard has its perks.

It was pretty cool watching Max work.

Okay so went to the store with family to pick up stuff my daughter needs for school. As we are about finished and heading to the registers up front we pass a young couple standing by the bottled starbucks beverages. She is opening them one by one, describing what she likes about each then having him take a shot before she recaps them and puts them back on the shelf. I pause watching this and she says "What? He needs to know." To which I respond "Whatever waffle twat." and carry on my way.

Now I happen to like wearing funny shirts so at the registers the loss prevention officer walks by and give a smile and a "I like your shirt."

"Thanks man. BTW, you have a couple in the bottled starbucks popping them open, she is describing what she likes then having him try them before closing them up and putting them back on the shelf."
His face falls, he calls for a lady in the area to run over there and asks me if I can give him a basic description of the couple.

"Sure no problem. Female Hispanic about 5'4" around 160 lbs in jeans and a V cut light blue shirt. Caucasian male about the same age but about 5'9" and 200 lbs. Basic button up shirt, blue, faded blue jeans and athletic shoes. Brown hair. Basic frat boy, former athlete look who has let himself go after college."

Loss prevention guy, gal a register, older gal at next register and a couple other customers were just standing there staring at me as loss prevention asked "You in law enforcement?"

"Former, is it obvious?" to which my teenage daughter pipped up "Yep, never more so. Outed yourself." I just gave her a look "I'm not trying to hide it or anything." We were done by then and went ahead and left with me wishing loss prevention a good day.

As a note my daughter just likes giving me crap whenever I do something "not normal". She is actually thinking of going into law enforcement herself but wants to be a "lab geek".

So dad was helping his buddy Ray work on his fancy house in Abbotsford, B.C. in the early to mid 1970s. I got volunteered to help out. I would have been a boat 12 or 13. As Ray had a Porsche 911 the three of us went into Vancouver for various supplies with dad driving his pick up. As we are coming back east on the TransCanada, dad’s going well over the speed limit on the Port Mann Bridge and up the hill.

Ray warns dad that there is frequently a radar trap in a few miles in the centre median with the RCMP car hidden among the trees. Dad responds by saying that he won’t get caught. They go back-and-forth a bit and then they decide to bet a bottle of rum.

So, just when we see the RCMP cruiser hidden by the trees, we also see the officer running back to his car, zipping up his trousers. As you can imagine, dad and Ray traded various rude comments to each other. But in the end, Ray bought the bottle and they drank it dry over the next few evenings.

This is an old story. I haven't been a cop in almost 20 years now.

I was with a south louisiana sheriff's office. We had just experienced Hurricane Katrina, arguably the first mass disaster in this new age of massive natural disasters being commonplace. I was stationed at the jail. The jail's radio number was 6000. So if you were on A shift, your radio number was 61XX. B shift? 62XX, etc. We had 4 shifts, 4 lieutenants, 8 sergeants, 8 corporals, and however many deputies each shift needed. There was one sergeant and corporal in intake, and one sergeant and corporal in "the back".

When Katrina happened, we set up perimeter teams around the jail. Many of the deputies were former marines. So they knew how to post guard. They quickly taught those of us who hadn't done that particular exercise how to treat people and vehicles approaching, and how and when to call for backup.

I was standing outside the jail, catching a rare moment of quiet. Just sitting there, not able to call my parents, not able to call my girlfriend, just...existing, for five minutes.

Perimeter team, about 200 feet away from me, calls out to someone to halt and be recognized. Apparently they didn't. "Halt or I will fire!" I'm starting to stand up, you know, just in case? "STOP OR I WILL SHOOT YOU!!" "Requesting immediate backup to perimeter!" comes across the radio. I'm now running. I swear to fucking god, the front doors (between me and the perimeter team) opened up and a wave of people in uniform, in shorts, in their fucking skivvies, came boiling out. The only commonality? They all had long guns, and they were all pointed at the intruders.

This group of idiots were approaching a police installation, with a clearly shouted set of loud verbal commands, including the threat of lethal force, and decided the smart move was to keep menacingly moving forward?

I counted afterward. Apparently, it takes 5 AK-47's, 6 AR-15's, and 12 shotguns to literally make three guys shit themselves. It would have been the easiest paperwork ever, too! We were ordered to make verbal reports only for any and all incidents, since the computers were down.

​

I have a history of street racing and other moving violations. Pretty much every car I've owned has been modified and used for that purpose, as well as daily driving, and every one of those cars has seen flashing blues behind it. It's a rite of passage at this point.

So, colour me surprised when I decide to have a little fun pulling out of an empty gravel parking lot in my new-to-me car by doing a burnout and handbrake turn through the gates, only for an officer to be parked right outside and see the whole thing. "This is this car's christening" I thought.

The officer first blipped his siren but didn't move, so I figured it was just a "I saw that, but I'll let you go" so I kept driving. Then I see the officer speeding up to me with their lights on, so I pull over, foot on the brake, roll down the window, and do my usual nice-girl-but-not-innocent thing and ask how they're doing.

Now it's worth noting at this point I like and make stickers, most of which street racing themed, including such text as "street racing is not a crime," "promote illegal street racing," and "bye bye police". It's not subtle. I think they're fun, as do most of my friends as I've made several for them as well. And anyone walking up to the driver's side window would notice them way before they notice the tatted, purple-haired girl in the Recaro with a harness on. Sets the scene, I think.

The officer cuts off my pleasantries. "What are you doing driving like that? You can't do that!" he says. I pause, struggle to not be snarky by saying I just did so I can, and instead simply say "sorry, officer." He goes on, "I've seen you driving around here before," and pauses to lean over to see the team windshield banner, presumably confirming it's the same car. "Saw you doing 35 in a 20. You can't drive like that around here!" Again, I simply apologise.

Then, he walks away. Never asks for ID or registration. Never charges me with the at least 3 laws I just broke right in front of him. No ticket despite being a repeat offender. Just... got in his cruiser, turned off the lights, and didn't do anything when I pulled away. It was creepy and confusing honestly. Never had a stop go like that.

It was summer, about 2011 or 2012 in Michigan. I was still living with my parents. My mother asked me to go to a fancy restaurant about 45 min away to pick up something. I said sure and took her red grand prix.

I'm from a small town of about 5,000 outside of a major city. I went down the main road which was four lanes. Posted speed limit was 35 but being young and impatient, I decided to go 60. People usually didnt obey the speed limit but I was being especially bold.

As I'm zipping along to mostly clear roads, just up ahead I see a city cop car parked looking for sopeder and he's already got his lights on. I figured he must have already clocked me and decided not even to slow down. So, I blow by him going 60.

He whips put of the parking lot and gets right behind me. I pullover into another, vacant, parking lot. I roll down my window and when he steps out of his car I just poke my head out and loudly exclaim "you caught me!" I've always had a policy of not making other people's jobs harder than they had to be.

The cop doesn't smile, walk up to my window and says "You're right, I did. Wanna tell me why you were speeding?"

"Well officer, I'm running errands for my mother, I'm young and I just felt like speeding." The cops face is like a statue but he just stares at me for a few moments without responding. As if he's dumbfounded someone would be that blatantly honest.

"Give me your license." I hand it to him. He goes to his car and I sit there for about five minutes. He comes back, gives me my license and says "Don't ever let me catch you speeding through my town again!" Then leaves.

Looking back, even I wonder how I got away with that.

Lost the battle but won the war when he was fired and my charges dropped . Funny though him macing me while I was cuffed isn’t what got him fired. It was lying on the police report about why I was detained in the first place. It was all unconstitutional

Not sure where this goes but, Well had to respond to a Karan incident a few months back, but today, the case finally ended, and I can discuss the matter in full. I usually find these stories from the person being accosted by the Karan and the cops being called. Today though, I was on the other end of the call. I was working as a police officer and got a call to the airport, where a vehicle struck a pedestrian near the terminal. It was just after sunset.

When I arrived, several people were around a man being tended to by medical personnel as he had been run over. The man was in severe pain and obvious distress as it was noticeable that he had broken bones and would have to go to hospital. Won't go into the details, but it was easy to see much of his injuries. He was wearing a blue and white jacket with reflective patches on the arms. This detail comes to play later on. The man was lying in a raised speed hump, a striped crosswalk with signage and lighting. This also comes into play later. I was pointed to a white SUV that had pulled into the pickup lanes along the curb. Many people told me that it was the vehicle that ran the man over.

Another group was confronting a woman sitting in the white SUV, The woman, who had the typical attitude of a Karen, was tearful and acting as if she was upset. Still, during that time, I watched her load her passenger greeting her friend with a hug and a smile after I approached the woman and took her ID as she didn't have a license. After getting the ID, I ran the check on Karan for wants and warrants with a history check on her license.

Note from later in the investigation, come to find out later on, with no surprise to me, she was suspended with no license from a list of charges that she had warrants for, including driving while intoxicated sometimes, a couple of hit-and-run charges, no insurance charges, and other driving violations. I discovered that drug possession charges came from driving drunk and one of the hit-and-runs. So just an upstanding citizen from the start for this Karen.

Back to the story Karen, who was playing tearful, asked why I needed her license. I told her I would be writing tickets at least and concluding the traffic accident. At this time, I was unsure how much of a Karen I was dealing with and still thought it was mostly an accident. Well, the tear disappeared, and Karen came out, pulling out her phone and recording me shouting that I was writing tickets and harassing an older woman for no reason blah blah blah. When the crowd began to yell at her again, she turned away from me to them and argued. I approached the group and asked them to stop arguing as it wouldn't help her cause or cause more issues. Many of them were upset with her and wanted to argue but stood back and recorded her instead, causing the Karen to try arguing with them.

About this time, I was approached by a young man in his late teens who said he had something to show me. Pulling out his phone to a video, he was waiting for his family to come in and happened to catch the man being run over. The video started with him recording the doors from the upper level of the garage. You see the man in his blue and white jacket begin across the road in the marked crosswalk with the indicator lights flashing and was about halfway across before Karen flew around the road and up the curb. She ran the man over without brake lights or slowing down before pulling into her current spot. Nothing was blocking her view and the man. I had the young man send me the video to my work email and write out a statement of what he saw.

After seeing this, I realized that it was more than just a simple accident and noted I still didn't know about Karen's history. I changed tactics and approached her, giving her a notice of her constitutional rights, known as a Miranda warning, that everyone knows. They remain silent, have lawyers present, and don't have to make a statement speech that is read when we ask about a crime, and they are not free to leave. Well, Karen does as Karen does and never shuts up. As it had been on, my body cam was running along with Karen still recording on her phone.

Me: So what happened today with you running over the man? K: I didn't run him over. He wasn't even on the road. I didn't see him, so he must be faking it. Me: um, no, he got run over, and all the witnesses saying you were the one to hit him. K: no, I didn't see him. I came here to pick up my friend, "as she pointed to her passenger." Me: Ok, what did you see if you didn't see him? K: I was looking for my friend on the curb to pick up and was texting her, asking her where she was. Me: so the man who was hit wasn't standing in the crosswalk when you drove over it. K: no, no, he wasn't. I don't know where he came from. Like I said, Officer, yea, what is your name and badge number? Anyway, you are stopping me from leaving, and I want your badge number and name. Me: Sgt. OP and badge is 1234 (not my badge number for this story). Now, what happens to the front of your car? K: "Holding her phone to my chest badge," repeats my name and badge number and asks, Have you seen my history? You took my license and haven't returned it. You must see that I've never seen an officer not know what they're doing as much as you. You aren't doing your job. There must be real criminals to bother, but no, you harass older women picking people up at the airport. You must be really proud of yourself. Me: are you going to answer my question? "I redirect her back to the questions." K: no, I don't have to, and I want a female officer. I don't trust you. You're trying to harass me as I am a woman, and you are a man.

As she didn't want to answer any further questions, I told her we would be leaving together shortly. I went to the crowd and asked if there were any other witnesses to the events. About a dozen hands went up, and all started talking at once. I then asked whether any others had video of the footage. Now while many hands went down, I still had a few. I was able to see the man being hit from many angles. With statements from the witness and the man being rushed to the hospital, I had the license returned, informing me of Karen's long list of problems and warrants. I had another few officers show up, including the only female on duty for my shift. We went back up to Karen, whose phone went back up.

K: why are there so many of you? You think you are going to intimidate me, huh? Well, I have all your jobs then. ME: nope, you're under arrest. Pulling out my handcuffs, Karen started to scream and yell, and when we went to place her in the handcuffs, she pulled away and started fighting, pulling her arm away from us and screaming No over and over like a child. After the short struggle, she was placed in the patrol car's back seat to be taken to jail.

Karen's passenger started arguing with officers that we needed not to arrest Karen and that we didn't know what we were doing. Having herself involved allowed officers to get her name with no surprise. She had a warrant and got her pair of metal bracelets and a free trip downtown. With her SUV towed, it was found she had a dash camera. It was seized and searched with a warrant, and Karen was served with a copy in the jail.

The on-scene incident concluded, and the report was written about five months before the court happened. The victim had to come to testify along with six of the witness. They all give the same story of how Karen just ran him over. The video footage showed the different views along with CCTV of the crosswalk, making it a well-rounded story. Through her court-appointed attorney, Karen tried to argue that she hadn't seen the man since he jumped in front of her car in dark clothes photos and videos proved that to be a lie.

She then argued that he was not visible since it was dark and he wore dark clothing. Nope, yet again, he was in blue and white with the reflective jacket, and the area was covered in lights. As she had admitted to texting while driving on a body cam, she tried to argue that she wasn't distracted. The dash camera was probably the most damaged to her case. The video shows what is happening in front of the car and inside the vehicle with audio, speed, and location.

The video from the dash cam, it shows Karen on her phone the entire time, not looking up as she was going 45 miles per hour in a 15-mile per hour. It shows the victim already in the crosswalk. She hits the crosswalk hump, and the man with him screams in pain. This finally got her attention, and she said, K: oh please, I didn't hit you that hard." as she pulls in to pick up her friend. Calling her friend before saying K: hey, hurry out here. I hit a guy who was acting all hurt, So we need to go. She continues the conversation before people start surrounding her vehicle and yelling at her.

Needless to say, the judge wasn't pleased with Karen. Jail time of 24 months with the five months already served to count, plus ordered to pay for damages and fines. Karen was also in civil court as she had no insurance for the man's hospital bill. This was finally concluded with this story allowing me to publish. Testimony in civil court allowed me to talk with the victim. He had one leg broken in a few different places, a concussion, and several bruises. He has been recovering and healing and returning to his normal self.

This happened around 1996-97 in California. Corporal and I driving back in chiefs unmarked car from an RMS class in the Bay Area. A car goes tearing by us, had to have been close to 100 mph. Corporal saw the driver had a radar detector on his rear view mirror. The corporal had just had the radar gun tuned and it was in the car with us. Tells me to get it out and I get it all plugged in. I point the radar gun at the guys car and the front end of his car just noses down as he goes from a 100 to 65. We laughed so hard and just kept watching the guy.

Guy continues on a couple of miles at 65 and then opens it up again. I hit him with the radar gun. Again nose of the car takes a dive. He is lost, all he sees is us in his mirror and maybe one other car. We are laughing pretty hard over the whole thing.

Again, cranks it up and gets going. I hit him a third time with the radar gun. This time he reaches up and rips the radar detector off the mirror and throws it on the passenger seat or floor board.

Fun times.

My brother is a cop and he loves to retell this story because its his strangest pursuit story ever.

He pulls over a car for expired tags, finds out the suspect has warrants, trys to start an arrest, suspect takes off. My brother gets in his car and goes after him.

Suspect takes a hard right turn into a dirt road and his car ends up flipping.

The suspect crawls out and begins running down the dirt road.

My brother is following him in his squad car. Here is the thing

Both sides of this long dirt road have razor wire to keep the farmers cattle from getting out.

So imagine this, you are in your squad car a Ford Explorer. Its summer, its hot, your in your in AC car and your following a suspect who is running from you on foot no one is around, what do you do?

Well my brother decided he'd simply sit in his car and follow this guy. He knew the road was like 5 miles long and all of those 5 miles had razor wire. So he knew the suspect had a choice

1. Keep running down a road followed by a police car

2. Jump the fence and get cut up (in which case the Ford Explorer my brother was in would be more then in capable of doing a bit of off roading)

3. Give up

About a 1.5 miles the suspect stopped, turned around, stuck his hands up and collasped from exhaustion.

My brother got out of the car, arrested the suspect, propped him on the side of the Explorer and gave him some water as back up arrived.

By the time back up arrived they asked "What happened" and my brother explained it and everyone laughed their asses off. On the way to the police station my brother said "You know you ran a lot farther then I thought you would" the suspect said "fuck you" and my brother chuckled and said "You where getting close to 2 miles"

When I was a teenager I supplied alcohol and some weed to a house party. Things went south I got arrested.

We also had a family friend who worked for the same department that arrested me that knew me very well. We'll call the family friend John.

So Its Friday around 10 PM and I'm arrested, getting processed, get put into the holding cell. Apparently John saw my name or heard me or something basically he found out I was arrested by his department. By this point I had been told I was going be released to my parents and I had given the arresting officer my dads information.

Well...John comes to my holding cell and he goes "Bambi why you being a dumbass" I shrug my shoulder he goes "You know your dad is going make you spend the weekend here right?" I go "Yea, I figure" he smiles "Don't worry, you'll be fine"

I then hear him talking to the arresting officer

Arresting officer: "Trying to get ahold of his dad to come get him"

John: "His dad ain't going come get him till Monday, been friends with them for 10 years"

Arresting: "I'll try in 30 minutes"

I guess he tried again, arresting officer came to me and said "your dad said he'll come get you Monday after work" (it was summer I had no school)...FYI I was literally like 5 miles from my house. But my dad wanted to teach me a lesson.

John made it better though, I was told I was going be transported to the youth jail. Thats when John came in and said "Let me take Bambi"

John was nice enough to not hand cuff, and just told me to get in the back of his car. He asked if I was hungry I said yea, we ran through a drive threw and explained I wouldn't be getting any food till breakfast and it wouldn't be good. On the way over John explained what was probably going happen to me. That as long as I learned my lesson and stopped doing dumb shit this arrest wasn't going screw me up. But he hammered home "You going need to learn from this, or your life will suck"

So John gets me to the youth jail. Guards where surprised, I wasn't in handcuffs. John told them I was clean (I was, he asked me, I was honest) so I didn't have to get all the evasive searches which I was happy about. They just gave me jail house clothes, I changed and spent that weekend in Jail.

My dad came and got me at 4:30 PM on Monday on the way home he goes "Did you get time to stew over your decision" I said "yea" he said "Great, your grounded for a month, if I have to pay any fines your allowance is forfeited until I'm paid back"

And that's the story how I spent the weekend in a jail. FYI first and last time I ever ended up in jail. It's not a fun place.

It was a dark and stormy night.

Except it was 0600, and I was heading up to New Windsor in New York to play me some airsoft. It was chilly, about 32*F, and I had on an Olive Drab hoodie, MARPAT camo trousers, bloused around the boots, and a softshell jacket in Khaki in the back seat. Also in the back seat was my chest rig, and my battle belt with empty pouches all around. Well, aside from the Baofeng radio. I had a separate Baofeng in the front passenger seat charging away, connected to my headset I was going to use that day. In the trunk of my tiny little hatchback was all my weapons for the day. An M16A4. An M249. Two ammunition cans with about 10k rounds each. A knockoff Pelican case with handguns, magazines, batteries, slings, and other various doodads to enable me to play all day.

Everything was going swimmingly as I wound my way up the NJTP and off on a side highway, nothing going through my head but the smooth sounds of Metallica. That is, until I heard a siren blip that was most definitely not part of Master of Puppets. I checked my rearview to see a local officer with red and blue lights dazzlingly bright reflected back. I pulled into the nearest lot, an old and abandoned store parking lot, and waited. He came up to my window not much later, and I found out that I was doing 63 in a 55. Oops.

I suppose he noticed the way I was dressed and the tactical gear strewn around the interior of my car, because he asked me if I had any weapons in the car. I mentioned airsoft, and saw him deflate a tiny bit. He asked the normal questions about where I was heading, and why so early, etc. I don't mind answering. It was a 2 hour and 11 minute drive, after all.

Well, with the amount of replicas in the car, he DID ask if he could take a look to be on the safe side, which I of course let him do. What I DIDN'T expect was being handcuffed outside of my car for "officer safety". Oh well. Guess I'm gonna be a bit late for the safety brief.

I also didn't expect him to take every single weapon out of the various cases and put them on the hood of his car. By the time he was done, it looked like I was smuggling weapons from a military base or something. Gas mask, goggles, tactical gloves, they were all laid out too. The belt of 10 fake 5.56 rounds was out. The ammo cans were on the hood as well. Suddenly, I wasn't even sure I was going to make it to the game at all.

He came over to me not much later, and uncuffed me.

"Sorry, like I said, safety."

He explained that he just wanted to make sure there wasn't an illegal assault weapon hiding in the pile, and after he was satisfied, he asked if he could take a picture of the various weapons on the hood of his car. I agreed, as long as I wasn't in the picture. Don't need THAT photo floating around the internet for my boss to find.

In the end, he got a cool looking picture, I made it to the game easily on time (because I am a dingus and read 0800 instead of 0930 start time) and had a fun time playing.

Until the M16 gearbox jammed, and the M249 stripped the piston.

I've worked patrol for my entire, 13-year career. Like most patrol officers, I like to dabble in street level narcotics every now and then. But a few years ago, I made drug dealers my focus. And I enlisted the help of my patrol team to make some arrests. I spent hours staking out street corners and dope houses, hiding in various locations to observe drug deals in progress.

My team had decent success. We made 17 dealer arrests that year if I remember correctly, including an arrest with a pound of meth and one with 4 ounces of heroin. But the time spent hiding in bushes and crouching on hot rooftops got old, and I eventually gave it up to handle my radio calls without the added stress.

But I kept thinking about what I had learned. And it occurred to me what the problem was when arresting drug dealers. Identifying them wasn't hard. I had a stack of cards filled out with their names. The problem was catching them with the dope. We'd always find a scale or baggies or cash, but not always with a sales quantity of dope. So I figured out a way to ensure they'd have the dope on them when I contacted them. I would just ask them to bring it to me.

One day, a young officer comes up to me and says she saw a bunch of homeless people gathered around a car. She says it might be a dealer at a corner I had worked for a while. So I get a description of the car and the guy from her.

The next day, my partner and I find the car and the guy. He's on parole. Great. We search him and his car. Nothing. No dope, no baggies, no scale, nothing. So I get his information and let him go.

The day after that, I call him. I tell him I'm looking to buy some meth. I tell him some guy at the internet cafe told me about him. He asks me my name. "Randy Slazinger," I tell him. I have no idea where that came from. Made it up on the spot.

Anyways, the guy agrees to sell me two 8-balls of meth in the gas station parking lot. I park down the street and go into the restaurant next door to wait for him. Remember, I'm a patrol cop. I drive a marked car and I'm wearing a uniform. I call for two other officers to stage nearby to help bust him when he shows up.

So the guy is taking forever. I call him and he says he's on his way. He tells me which street he's driving down so I redirect my backup to intercept his car. He's still taking forever so I call him again.

"Where you at?" I say.

"I'm in the hamburger place," he replies.

Hamburger place? What the fuck is he talk-

Holy shit. I realize where he is. He's talking about the restaurant I'm standing in. I look around. He's walking in the door behind me. We see each other at the same time. He makes a b-line for the exit. I follow him into the parking lot.

"Hey Tony!" I say.

He ignores me and keeps walking.

"Don't be like that," I say.

He keeps walking.

"Police," I say. "Stop right there."

He runs. I chase him. My backup is a ways away because I had redirected them earlier. But he's a big guy so he's slow. I tackle him in the parking lot. I'm on his back and he's clutching something in his right hand.

"Drop it," I say.

He tries to throw the objects, but he can't get them more than a few feet with me on his back, and two 8-balls of meth go tumbling through the parking lot.

It's 1730 hours on a Monday. Quiet wet, windy, and overall miserable outside however, I'm crewed up with Adam, a fella with 9 years on the unit but who happens to be southern, unfortunately.

We had been focused mostly on not freezing our balls off, and chugging cups of tea in the hour and a half we had been on shift so far, however, we had attended a medical emergency shortly before, and we were now driving around the town center of an area to the north of the city.

​

"TFC, TFC, all hotel units. Can I have you making towards ##### Square please. Tac Ops 2 for briefing." Came across the radio, naturally, and as usual, I turned my area radio down and swapped my other radio from the main to the Tac Ops 2 channel, turning it up, I then started to map the route. Meanwhile, adam stuck the ELS and sirens on and began to follow the sat nav.

"Wanna kit up?" Adam asked me

"Nah mate, we'll wait until we've got a partial brief." I replied.

"Sounds good."

​

"TFC, TFC, all assets in channel call up by callsign."

A mixture of ARVs, a dog van, and a disruption vehicle or two called up in response to this, including ourselves.

​

"Yes, yes, that's all received. Units this incident is in reference to four logs from roughly 1900 the previous date to now, informants are stating that a male, IC1 with brown hair in black Adidas sporting shorts, with a grey t-shirt covered by a sweater and sleeveless coat, red trainers and a dark coloured cap, has engaged in an altercation with a fellow customer at the ### ### ### bar, in ##### square. The altercation has resulted in the subject of stated description producing what was described as a black self-loading pistol and waving it at the male, threatening him with violence, the male has then fled the bar and has been seen heading towards ####### lane. Patrols have been unable to apprehend the male on the previous date, however he has returned to the bar as of around 1725 and is just leaving now. Based on this information, I will be authorising an arming authority, to ARVs. Currently, a Working Strategy to minimise the risk to the subject, maximise the safety of officers and maximise the safety of the subject. Response assets are towards in support of yourselves, in addition to disruption assets. HS72B, I'll be declaring you the Operational Firearms Commander, so far?"

"So far." I replied

"We're currently contacting the council as to assist in locating the subject as he has left the pub, units to be on a silent approach. The tactic at this moment will be an armed contain and arrest." The TFC continued

"That's received, could we consider the deployment of NPAS or a drone team, and get officers to attend with ARVs to the bar so we can get a one hundred percent certain description on this subject?" I now inquired

"Yes, yes. If I can have an ARV to make to, call up when on scene and I will forward patrols. I believe NPAS is currently unavailable, I will attempt to source a drone however, standby."

"All received, OFC, can a crew make toward that bar so we can get on top of this." I now asked across the channel.

"93, we're about 2 minutes out, we'll take it." One of the lads responded.

​

As we had about 15 minutes to go, I reached into the back seat and unlocked the safe.

"I'll take conventional, mate." Adam said

"Alright, I'll bring both." I said, preparing my own rifle, plus the AEP launcher. I then prepared his rifle and held onto it for him, quickly locking the safe back up and sitting in my seat again.

​

"TFC, TFC, units to make towards ###### ######, ########### Street, ## immediate grade please, CCTV operators and eyewitnesses have confirmed the male has gone into the premises, to clarify it's an apartment building."

"OFC, TFC. Units to arrive are to silent approach, can we get a plainclothes officer or some response officers to inquire with building staff to identify if the subject lives there, and or where he may be, please."

"Yes, yes. I'll direct patrols now."

​

We were now pulling up, around the corner from the block into a public car park that was pretty much filled to the brim with ARVs, dog vans, and assorted response patrols. Taking the opportunity, I put my balaclava on before getting out to talk to the team, who were all gathered around.

​

"Eyup lads, we're just waiting to confirm he's still there and if so we'll move, alright?" I said as I walked up, wanting to run the plan through the team.

"Be an idea to get closer, if response runs into him and he clocks what they're there for it could be quite bad, or if he bolts?" Frank inquired

"If we can get him by surprise, it might be better though. Not gonna catch him by surprise if us lot pull up." Travis then said

"If we do go, we'll have three ARVs go up and the rest of us can just walk it, response will obviously cordon it off for us." I then said.

​

"TFC, OFC, staff have confirmed the subject is inside, he resides in number ##, currently identified as Timothy #######, 00/00/96. The tactic will be a close-quarter contain and callout" The TFC informed us.

"OFC, that's received, we'll be moving now." I said, turning back to the team.

​

"Okay, let's go. Bring the three closest ARVs to the exit, Claire and Antonio bring bags, Johnathan, Carter, and Travis, focus on MOE, Hans, and Nick bring shields." I said

"Want me to bring flashbangs?" Jacob asked

"Erm, yeah go on then." I replied.

​

We moved to grab our various bits of assigned kit or just wait until everyone was ready, we then proceeded to walk, and or drive around the corner into the street.

The vehicles pulled up in the road, as did the dog van and disruption/response officers who began to cordon the road off with tape and vehicles.

We walked into the lobby and were pointed in the right direction by a response officer, we then proceeded to walk down the hallway, and climb the first flight of stairs to the end of that hallway, finding a room that was on the end of that side, which is very helpful.

​

We established ourselves a bit further down the hallway, with a wider angle on the door of the flat, using a shield as cover, the "Hallway Stick", we had an officer with a rifle, an officer with a taser, an officer with an AEP launcher, and the dog handler stacked up on that shield, we had another shield to the far wall, basically in front of the door with pretty much the same setup, except for there being no dog, the "Close Stick."

​

"OFC, TFC, we're about to make contact, standby." I updated the TFC for a final time, before returning to my ready position, in low ready pointed at the door.

"Ready when you are lads." Oli said to the guys on the close stick.

William knocked loudly on the door a few times before stepping back behind the close stick's shield.

"Open the door, it's the armed police, open the door right now!" James loudly declared to the occupants.

"We will force the door open!" Oli said moments after the challenge.

There was virtual silence, besides the usual breathing and slight noises from down the hall.

"Open the door!" James loudly said, again.

"Open the door, it's the armed police, open the door and step away. Have nothing in your hands!" He then continued, after a moment of silence.

There was a short silence, as jake collapsed his AEP launcher, swapping instead to his taser creating the click of the AEPs stock.

Brian kicked the door three times, creating a group of loud thuds and causing him to obviously grimance.

"OCCUPIER OF NUMBER ##, THIS IS THE ARMED POLICE! COME TO THE FRONT DOOR WITH NOTHING WITH YOU, DO IT NOW." Nick now screamed

"THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF, DO AS YOU'VE BEEN INSTRUCTED TO." He continued

"TIMOTHY, OPEN THE DOOR. AND HAVE NOTHING IN YOUR HANDS, STEP BACK FROM IT." James ordered again.

The door slowly opened, revealing a man who completely fitted our description, his hands were up.

"ARMED POLICE, STAY EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE, PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!" Nick shouted at the male.

The male complied, squinting at the substantial white light that was being shined on him.

"Okay, turn around and take four steps backward timothy, slowly!" Nick continued, being met with compliance.

Frank grabbed the subject, pulling him into cover behind the shield, and handcuffing him quickly, he was then passed along to us, and by us to the response officers who were waiting down the hallway. He had not said a word to us.

"ARMED POLICE, COME TO THE FRONT DOOR WITH NOTHING WITH YOU!" James shouted again, resulting in silence

"Lads, deliberate entry and search, let's get moving." I said.

Guys from the two sticks moved off now, stacking up on the door and then entering, finding the apartment to be empty, all that was present of interest were red trainers and a black Baretta copy. The weapon was made safe and we all returned to our car park and nice warm cars to dekit.

We were now all gathered around, following our handover to the response officers and rescindment of the arming authority.

"You alright there brian? Look like you're hobbling."

"Yeah, yeah, that door was fucking secure though, didn't move an inch..."

"Aww, poor darling hurt his foot, someone kiss it better." Jack mocked.

"I'm not fucking doing it." James joked, even though he really wanted to.

"Bet you would if I gave you twenty quid." Adam then replied

"Nah, nobody is betting on me. That door practically fucking assaulted me lads." Brian moaned like a soppy git, triggering an outburst of laughter from everyone, including the sodding pigeons.

​

The subject was convicted of possessing the firearm, and the threats and will spend a duration in her majesty's pleasure, brian had broken two toes and a bone in his foot and spent 3 weeks on the sick, James still can't be heard by subjects through very thick doors because he's too lazy to shout.

​

​

​

Acronyms are on the list below.

https://www.reddit.com/r/policeuk/wiki/glossary/acronyms/#wiki_s

I was at a state park fishing, we had picked what we felt was a remote spot as we wanted to fish and smoke a little bit of weed. (this was years ago before weed laws where as progressive as they are now).

Well a game warden found us and I don't know if you know about game wardens. But if your on a state park, the game warden doesn't need probable cause to search you, they don't need your consent, they are law enforcement. My buddy and I where both very much aware of this rule.

We had been smoking, we heard a guy approaching us we threw the joint into the water. Game Warden comes up and goes "having a good time fishing?" I go "Yes sir" he goes "Staying under the limit?" and I go "That's awfully easy when you ain't catching anything" he laughs and goes "So the reason why I came by here is cause I smelled weed and having drugs or alcohol on your person in a state park is a crime"

I'm thinking "Ah shit, lets try to reason my way out of this" so I go "And what makes you think its us?" he goes "cause your the only people here, and deer don't smoke pot" to which I thought "fair point"

So the Game Warden said "So I'm going make you a deal" I go "Ok" he goes "I'm going search you, if I find anything illegal I'm going confisicate it and your going need to leave the park right away and can't come back on for one month, also I won't charge you with anything"

Truth be told we had no intentions of returning anytime soon, also...I know he didn't need my permission to search me. So I figured I might as well take the deal and hope he's telling the truth. Now the joint we had smoked my buddy was carrying I still had my joint. So I agreed and my buddy is like "bro he's lying" and I'm thinking "Even if he is...it doesn't matter"

So the cop finds my joint, he rips it up, throws it in the water and looks at my buddy and says "Your turn" my buddy goes "No, you can't search me" and the Game Warden says "Yes I can" so my buddy turns and runs.

One problem with running (which fyi I had thought of) it was really slippery to get out of there so I figured even if I attempted to run I wouldn't get far. But my buddy, he didn't think that far. So he ran, he then slipped, he then got cuffed, he then got searched. The cop found a half pint of whiskey we were going to share. My friend was also underage (so was I)

So the game warden arrests my friend, The game warden says "Well alright, I'll take you back to my station and you can call your folks"

So the game warden puts my friend in the back of the car and I sit up front. We get to the station, my friend is put in a holding cell and I go "So what do I do?" the game warden goes "You can use the office phone to call your folks to come pick you up" and I go "What about my friend?" the game warden said "He's going have to wait for me to process him, but your free to go" I go "Really?" the Game Warden goes "A deal is a deal, you are banned for one month though so don't let me catch you back here" I go "Alright"

So I call my parents, my dad comes and gets me. My dad asks the Game Warden what happened and the game Warden said he caught my friend doing something wrong but I was good to go and just needed a ride home.

My friend ended up being charged as a minor with possession of alcohol and breaking some state park regulations. He was banned from all state parks for a year, and had to attend an alcohol and drug abuse class. Thankfully we were under 18 and that record won't follow him anywhere. I personally didn't come back to the park for a good 4-5 months and when I did the Game Warden saw me and asked me how I was doing and I said "Just fine, thank you, and yourself?"

Later my friend was like "Why did you trust the Game Warden? Cops can lie" I go "I know they can lie, I also knew I didn't have a choice"

For context I'm 6'2' and at the time was like 18st 115kg so a big unit

In a past life I worked as an officer in a tourist town in the UK. Walking the streets interacting with locals and visitors, the usual community engagement type stuff.

On a hot day in the height of summer I stopped off to get a bottle of water, I was stood in line with my helmet off enjoying the feel of the A/C hitting the back of my head and going down my neck and back trying to cool the space between me and my body armour.

*Crack*

Something hit me across the back of my head.

Turning slowly my hand dropping to my CS spray I looked to see who had just assaulted me. I was met with an old lady with a walking frame and walking stick. she proceeds to have a go at me.

OAP: You should be out there catching criminals not in here stuffing your face.

ME: I'm just getting a bottle of water and.... did you hit me?

OAP: Yes, because you were ignoring me.

ME: Right.

I turn away from her as there is now a till free and purchased my water and left. About 30 minutes later the Inspector gets hold of me on the radio asking to meet with me to discuss a complaint. so, he comes out to where I am and gives me the details.

A member of the public had complained that I was rude and belligerent to them and ignored them when they were talking to me. I asked when this had happened, and he told me today within the past hour. I then give him my side of the story and when I mention the hit to the head he immediately wants to go to the shop. So, we do off in his car back to the shop where I got my water from. Once there he goes straight to the till area and is excitedly asking me "where were you standing exactly" I showed him, and he smiled from ear to ear and just pointed. There was a CCTV camera pointed right at where I had been standing. We went and reviewed the CCTV and sure enough there I was stood there helmet in hand enjoying the A/C on my head and the OAP behind me.

You can see on the CCTV she is trying to talk to me, but I have an earpiece in and can't hear properly so genuinely missed that she was talking to me, then it happened. she took hold of her walking stick and proceeded to tap me on the back, on my body armour. she did this 4 or 5 times maybe before she just cracks me on the back of my head. I turned in such a way my face could be seen on the camera, and you could clearly read my lips for the short conversation we had.

with that the inspector turns to the staff I would like a copy of that burning off and just left, got back in his car and left. leaving me and the staff member there like "ok". At the end of my shift, I went to his office with the CCTV, and he filled me in.

This lady had been a serial complainer against police for anything and everything, patrol cars parked in the wrong place, this officer looked at me funny, officer was seen doing things they shouldn't. but this time he had a counter argument.

when he called her back to advise that he had spoken to me he opened with.

Insp: what did you do to get the officer attention

OAP: I tapped him on his arm

Insp: really....

OAP: yes

Insp: ...you know there is CCTV in the shop, especially around the till area,

OAP: so

Insp: so, I have CCTV of you assaulting my officer. you struck him across the back of his head with your walking stick.

apparently after this revelation she was very shouty and incoherent before calming down and being delivered the parting shot by the inspector of

we will ignore the fact you assaulted an officer while on duty as long as you stop making unfounded complaints against my staff, we are entitled to a break to get food and drink, we can park our cars in the visitor carpark of your complex when dealing with incidents we are human and should be allowed to work unimpeded.

As far as I know she never did make a complaint against officer again, we did attend anti-social behaviour in the area of her complex which we were sure would create a complain of why we were not doing something about it but nope we didn't hear a peep.

It was around 1220 hours on Friday afternoon, rest days were joyfully in effect and funnily enough, we were all out at a birthday lunch for Antonio, one of the lads that I actually tolerate (Love you guys). We had just sat down at this point and were chatting away, waiting on drinks and all of that lovely stuff.

​

Ring Ring

Oh lovely, probably some scam caller or something like that, let me see who it is- nope it's the control room phone, beautiful.

"Oi, the control room is ringing don't drink anything." I informed the lads, trying to ensure as many of them as possible weren't gonna have to stay off because of booze. As much as on-call stuff sucks you'd rather be there with your team in case something happened after all.

​

"Hello?" I said, answering the phone.

"Afternoon, it's Sal from Force Control, can you rally # Team and get yourselves to Ops, spontaneous ARV deployment requiring deployment."

"Absolutely sal, what are the details?" I said, simultaneously nodding at the rest of the lads who in turn started to gather their stuff.

"What I've got so far is a barricaded male with a knife threatening officers and threatening to blow up the premises #FRS is on scene as is British gas."

"Okay, we'll be there in thirty. Thanks, sal." I said before hanging up the phone

​

"RV at the ops, fella barricaded inside a house with a knife threatening to blow it up." I said as I put my hoodie on

"Good job we're all together really, innit." Antonio commented

"Aye, thank fuck for your birthday. Also, has anyone had any booze yet?"

My question was fortunately met with headshakes, one less thing to have to deal with.

​

We gathered our stuff and headed out to our vehicles before driving out in a pretty comical convoy of sorts towards our operational hub, after a 25-minute drive or so we arrived and got through the car park, into the base, and through to our area. From there we gathered our equipment and went through to the garage, grabbed our vehicles, and headed out towards the scene.

​

A 30-minute drive or so later we arrived, it was now about 1330 hours or so, we pulled into the cul de sac and dismounted.

"Right, youse lot hang here while I go find the ARV OFC." I informed the lads, before heading off in the direction of the ARVs that were positioned around a terraced property at the end of the close in search of the OFC.

"Eyup mate." I said to the first ARV copper I ran into "The OFC around?" I continued

"Yeah, he's over there chatting with the bronze." He said, pointing back down the close.

"Cheers buddy." I said, walking off towards the pair.

"Right, you all ready to brief?" The OFC said as I arrived.

"Yep."

"Right, so we've got Tony #### inside the premises, he's basically had an argument with his ex-missus this morning at his house, he lives elsewhere in #########. He's broken in while she's out and the kids are at school and told her that he has by text, he's then trashed the place, some response guys turned up and he's pulled a knife at which point we've turned up, he's now saying he's going to blow the house up and has all the gas on. We've got a negotiations officer coming and obviously, you lot are here."

"Alright, so first of all is the school just down there still in business?"

"Locked down."

"Get them, kids, out and elsewhere, get fire to get ready in case he goes for it, and get a hurry up on the negotiator, I'll need a dog handler with us, and as for your guys can you hold containment while we do our thing?"

"Yep, can you organise the fire and school thing Glenn?" The OFC asked the bronze lead.

"No worries."

"Alright, we'll get geared up, and then we'll get started." I said, now walking back to the vehicles.

"Alright, listen in for me." I told the lads, attention-grabbing.

"We've a bloke in there who's had a dispute with his ex-partner this morning at a separate address, and has then broken into here which is this address, he's trashed it and informed her of it on the phone, she's called up and he's threatened response with a knife and then ARVs with a big fuck off gas explosion. The school down there is gonna get evacuated and fire are gonna get set in case he makes a fireworks display, be mindful of the gas and prep accordingly. Any questions?"

"Aye, is it worth getting a CBRN team down in case?" Mike asked.

"If it drags then yeah, just make sure to have your respirators on or at least handy." I said, as I went about putting my own respirator on, all of the lads followed suit.

In the background as we were briefing the ARV guys were repositioning to cover the exterior of the entire house.

Once kitted up we moved off toward the house, moving one of the sprinters up for good cover.

"Alright, Jacob and Oli, each of you grab a long shield to the sides, Thomas, Adam, Martin, bring AEPs."

The respective guys gathered the equipment and we positioned ourselves around the sides of the van and the nearest ARV.

"Alright, dave you can start with comms."

​

"TFC, ####### OFC over."

"Hold on." I instructed dave.

"TFC, go ahead."

"Yes, yes. We've made contact with the ex-partner and homeowner, she alleges the offender may be intoxicated as he claimed to have been out on a drug and drink-fuelled night out last night, be aware. Negotiations Officer is eta of 25 minutes, over."

"Yes, yes, that's received, many thanks."

​

"Aye, his ex has told our lot that he's been out on a bender last night, keep that in mind. Negotiator is half an hour away."

​

"Alright, ARMED POLICE. TONY, COME TO THE DOOR OR THE WINDOW SO WE CAN HAVE A CHAT!" Dave shouted into the premises.

".............."

"ARMED POLICE, TONY ####, COME TO THE FRONT DOOR OR THE WINDOW WHERE WE CAN SEE YOU."

".................."

"ARMED POLICE, TONY WE NEED TO KNOW YOU'RE OKAY. SHOW YOURSELF!"

"...................."

"TONY, JUST MAKE YOURSELF VISIBLE OR TALK TO US MATE."

"......................"

"Hold comms, ####### OFC, to Hotel OFC, when was the last contact you had with the subject?"

"Last I knew we were in contact as you guys arrived."

"Received, many thanks."

​

"You don't reckon he's topped himself, do you? Or ran..." Antonio asked

"Fucking hope not." Scott replied

"Mike, get a med bag, dave resume comms."

"ARMED POLICE, TO-"

Tony suddenly appeared at the front door with empty hands, he was shirtless and staggering.

"CONTACT, ARMED POLICE TONY, SHOW US YOUR HANDS."

"Just shoot me mate! I've fuck all t' live for anyway."

"We don't want to shoot you tony, put your hands up and walk away from the house!"

"Nah mate, this is all that fookin bitches fault."

"Mate, just walk away from the house and we can chat about that alright?"

Tony walked back into the house, closing the door behind him.

​

"####### OFC, contact with the subject at the front door, he's back inside now and is extremely intoxicated."

​

"TONY, COME BACK OUTSIDE AND SPEAK TO US MATE."

".........."

"Alright, let's hold comms and wait for a few."

We sat in stalemate for around 5 minutes before the negotiator turned up, he appeared to have already been briefed and simply walked up in his body armour and helmet and began to call out to the house with his loudspeaker, this went on for around 15 minutes before he managed to get Tony on the phone and talking, the contents of their conversation I wasn't witness to besides the fact that he was trying to convince tony to come out, in the midst of this engineers managed to shut off the gas supply to the house.

We had been sitting in a stalemate for at least 2 hours when the negotiator put the phone down. "He's coming out."

"Right, jake, mike, hans, you guys are gonna get him and hand him over, the rest of us will secure the house, brian bring a kit."

After around 30 seconds tony walked out of the front door with his hands on his head.

"ARMED POLICE, ARMED POLICE. TONY, TAKE TWELVE STEPS TOWARDS US SLOWLY, KEEP YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD." Jake shouted at him, as tony followed the instructions.

"GET DOWN TO YOUR KNEES." Jake continued, as tony stopped at the twelve-stop mark still quite unsteady on his feet.

"NOW ON YOUR BELLY, HANDS IN THE SMALL OF YOUR BACK." He said, yet again being met with compliance

"Break, break!" I said, as we now cleared from cover, jake, mike, and hans closed in on tony and detained him while the rest of the team went about clearing the small two-story house, I arrived in the dining room, hearing "PREMISES CLEAR!" shouted through the house.

"Good in here! Make outside!" I shouted, now walking back towards the ARVs taking my helmet and respirator off on the way.

​

"####### OFC, one detained and premises secure over."

"Received, many thanks." The TFC replied

​

We dekitted, being joined by mike and hans after they had handed tony over to the response officers, we then debriefed and went out to continue Antonio's birthday. Tony was sentenced to two and a half years in prison and got convicted for something else he did on another occasion later.

​

​

​

​

For any acronyms you're curious about:

https://www.reddit.com/r/policeuk/wiki/glossary/acronyms/#wiki_s

I had an amazing opportunity to do a ride along a few years ago.

it was for my local college police department, it was a busy day and throughout the day we had to look for a potential suicidal guy, and got to arrest someone, but that's now what my story is about, rather my story is about when we got a call for... well he never really told me what it was, only that it was a false alarm, but whatever it was it was serious as he turned on his lights and sirens and began speeding through traffic and red lights. before this i was practically half asleep, keep in mind I was a young kid then, someone who was not used to waking up at 6:00 AM for a long day of work (sitting and observing) . but going code 3 unsuspectedly did the trick and I was quickly wide awake. he laughed a little bit when he noticed how surprised and alert I had become. As he cut through traffic and made turns at high speeds I couldn't help but notice how well the suspension was taking it, Maybe all cars are like this not just police cars but man it felt really smooth for the maneuvers being made.

It's 0630 on a frosty as fuck Thursday morning, I was crewed up with Martin and Southy Jake, the southern twins as they are popularly known. We had so far attended fuck all and were just done with briefing and kit up, and as such, we were sat in the nick car park finishing off our hot beverages before heading out to do fuck all, the usual conversation was transpiring.

​

"Fucking baby had me up until three last night, the missus was just not having it so I took one for the team and that." Martin complained

"Cor, that's rough that is mate. You made sure he's not sleeping too much during the day?" Jake said, sympathetically

"I swear mate, he's got the energy of a new jobsworth on IPLDP, he's just up and up and up and up a-fucking-gain." Martin replied

"Should've got the snip you daft cunt." I quipped.

"My missus wanted another one didn't she." Martin then replied.

"Well fair enough, if the kid doesn't shut up give him some whiskey." Jake then commented

"Oh aye, get the kid hooked on the stuff now, Irish tradition innit?"

"Yeah, well-"

​

Jake was interrupted by the notorious set of tones and vibrations that came through all of our radios, somebody had activated their panic button. Almost instantly a voice came down the radio.

​

"MORE UNITS, MORE UNITS TAMWORTH ROAD, MALE WITH A FIREARM POINTING IT AT ME. GET BACK INSIDE" Shouted an officer, we could still hear him running and shouting at people to get back inside, he sounded to be in a proper shitty situation.

​

Immediately we stuck our drinks down, martin started the engine up and began to make towards the exit meanwhile I began to map our route and jake opened the weapon safe.

"Tamworth Road, that's two minutes around the corner." I said, now placing my phone down.

"I know it." Martin said, as we now shot out of the entrance and down the road towards the main road, activating our ELS and sirens about halfway down.

​

"All assets from TFC stay-safe, stay-safe in the area of tamworth road, Charlie Mike 7-2 seek hardcover and await arrival of ARVs. I'll be providing an arming authority at 0638 hours, taking into consideration the log and obvious emergency activation by response assets, briefing will be provided in Tac-Ops 1. Working strategy, minimise risk to subject, maximise safety of officers, minimise risk to members of the public, the tactic at this moment will be contain and arrest. Hotel Sierra 72 Bravo, I'll designate yourself the OFC at this moment in time."

"OFC, TFC. Apologies to butt in but we're thirty seconds out, suitable to hold briefing over?" I inquired

"Yes, yes. I'll let 7-2 guide you in, over."

"Someone grab a med bag." I said over firearms comms

​

We were now driving into the road in question, it was a long stretch of residential and we could see an IRV up at the end of the road, due to the fact we were all still at the base during this incident we had pretty much all got there within a minute or so.

​

"7-2, ARVs the male in the red top to your left over." The response officer called up, as we now rapidly approached him.

We pulled up, partially facing the lad who had his hands empty and was looking at us with his arms in plain view, I swung my door open immediately unholstering my sidearm and aiming at his chest.

"ARMED POLICE, GET YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD, DO IT NOW!" I shouted at the man, martin likewise shouted a challenge at the bloke which was met with no resistance.

"GET DOWN, GET DOWN ON THE FUCKING FLOOR." I said, still standing in the cover of the door as I heard the click of the collapsable stock of the AEP Launcher behind me.

"GET ON THE FLOOR, NOW!" Martin now shouted at the bloke who seemed to be having a ponder on his next move for some inexplicable reason

"UP!" I shouted, now quickly closing the gap between myself and the bloke, quickly shoving him onto the floor while keeping my sidearm trained on him, my colleagues were tightly on my shoulder.

"ROLL ON YOUR FRONT NOW!" I instructed the male who this time decided to comply and roll over.

"HANDS IN THE SMALL OF YOUR BACK, PALMS UP." I further instructed him, as I saw the two red dots of a taser bounce around his upper and lower back respectively. I also felt a squeeze on my shoulder.

The male complied, and a set of handcuffs appeared in front of me from my left, I nodded at which point mike moved forwards, quickly handcuffing the bloke and patting him down.

"Secure!" Mike declared, having patted him down.

I lowered, and then holstered my sidearm, turning around to see quite literally every guy on the team standing in close proximity to the subject and I in the street.

"Right, two of youse with him, one of you go and check on response, I'm gonna go RV with the silver and we'll see if we need to search anywhere else."

Mike and Antonio stayed with the bloke while Thomas went to check up on the response guy. By the time we were done and dusted with our bit, there were easily half the BCUs officers here already. I ran up to the most bronze-looking bloke.

"Know where I can find the bronze lead mate?" I asked the fella.

"Yeah, over there." He said, pointing at one of their signature vehicles.

I thanked the fella, before jogging over to the inspector's car.

"Hello, we've got the lad in cuffs, you got anywhere for us to search, or have you not got that far?" I asked.

"Not got that far, is he alright?"

"I've sent one of my lads over to check on them, so I'll update you."

We split paths, with me walking back to my cluster of ARV officers and ARVs, who at this point had given the offender to response and thomas had returned.

"Okay, anything else for us thomas?"

"Nope, apparently he pulled it during a search but dropped it, I've got it secured here. That's pretty much us."

"Right, sit tight."

​

"OFC, TFC." I called up.

"Go ahead OFC."

"Yes, yes. One detained, weapon secured, no further threats, all officers safe and well."

"That's received, as of 0643 I'll be rescinding the arming authority."

"All received, many thanks again."

​

"Right, store whatever you brought out and we'll get debriefed."

​

The lads went about storing their gear before we went for debriefing and then got back out for the rest of our frozen shift. Turned out the poor fucker who had it pointed at him was 2 shifts into his IPS, he was alright just bricked it as was his crewmate.

​

For any acronyms and what have you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/policeuk/wiki/glossary/acronyms

So back a few years ago, quite a few, my SO and I decided to take a cross country trip from east coast to west coast and northern route west, southern route east. We had recently retired from the service after 62 years between us. It would take us 30 days to visit multiple places, friends, and family. We blogged our entire trip and had quite a few folks following us. The one drawback was the car. We had decided to get a rental instead of putting that many miles on one of our vehicles. We picked it up the day we left and it didn't take long to realize it did not have cruise control. OK it would be a pain but too late now. I just warned my SO, since she has a bit of a lead foot, that she'd have to watch her speed.

On the last day we were driving from Alabama to Homeplate (mid-Atlantic state). We had had a couple close calls with the popo along the trip but all was right in the world. The SO was driving and I was asleep in passenger seat when I was awoken as she yelled, Aw F@@K! I sat up with a start and a Wha What? She stated I just got busted doing 93 in a 70.

I looked behind, didn't see a cruiser but she pulled over anyway. Sure enough an Alabama State Cruiser pulls in behind us. I state 29 days and we get busted the last day. She looked at me, I looked at her, and we busted out laughing. Just our luck.

Now imagine this poor trooper as he walks up to our car and seeing us laughing like idiots. He introduces himself and asks did we know why he was pulling us over? She replied you didn't pull us over, I pulled over and was waiting for you since I was speeding. She looked at me and we busted out laughing again. The confused Troop stared a bit and asked for her credentials which she gave him. Then asked what's the big rush to get back to Homeplate? She explained that we had been on the road for 30 days and just wanted to get home. I piped up that if we get home in time I wanted to get a patrol in as I missed being on the road. He looked confused a sec and asked what I meant. I explained I was a County Reserve Deputy at Homeplate and really wanted to get back to it. He challenged; can you prove that? I said sure and handed him my ID.

As he was back at his cruiser, we were discussing how much this was going to cost us and still laughing like idiots, I came up with the idea that I should get some video of the blue lights behind us for the blog to give everyone else the chuckle. About that time he showed back up at her window. I asked if he minded if I got some video of him sitting behinds us for our blog. He looked at me and said, hell no! You should know better than that! I thought WTF? Everyone takes video these days. I said I just thought the guys back at the Sheriffs Office would get a kick out of it. He said, don't worry. I already talked to them and explained your situation. I answered very dryly, Gee. Thanks.

After he handed us back all our IDs and stuff, he said slow the hell down so you get back to Homeplate. Have a good day and walked away. SO looked at me, I looked at her and we both said WTF? And were still sitting there laughing like idiots when the good trooper pulled past us.

As we continued our drive my SO looked at me and said Thank you! I said for what? She replied, no one has ever gotten me out of a ticket before and this one would have hurt!

So there I was, supporting a sister chapter in their annual charity ride. I’ll not mention which to protect the involved parties.

We had a fabulous turnout this time. Some 250+ bikes at least plus riders. We’ve arranged for a full police escort, no traffic lights, no stop signs. The works.

It’s a beautiful ride on a beautiful day through some beautiful winding countryside. I’m fortunate enough to be riding fairly close to the front of the pack. (Lead bike for the 3rd chapter back if memory serves.)

Well, about halfway into the ride, we pass this woman in a rundown old sedan trying to leave her driveway. She’s looking ever more irritated and impatient by the second. “Whelp. THAT’S gonna be trouble.” I think to myself, but nothing I can do about it. I’m already past her when the thought hits me...

Sure enough, after ~1/3 of the pack has passed her by, she runs clean outa patience and decides that “prison is better than waiting here!” and pulls out into the constant stream of bikes, trying to force her way through. Because bigger vehicles always have right-of-way...right?

The bike she pulls in front of manages to dodge, but the one behind him was a newer rider and panics. Slams right into her wheel-well at ~35mph and goes over the hood.

2 or 3 bikers behind him peel off and render aid. The rest of the ride just has to go around and continues on.

Those who broke off make sure the [Victim] is alright (no major injuries) and get [Suspect] out of the car so she doesn’t try to kill anyone else. (Also no major injuries...this is for charity. Not a gang)

The police escort catch up to them in a hurry and arrest her for some 150 counts of reckless endangerment, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder, and failure to yield among others.

-The bike involved is wrecked. Front end was all beat to hell.
-The 4 bikers involved drank free all night. (We invited the officers, but they declined)
-She gets to enjoy a lesson in patience at the local jailhouse.
-No idea what charges actually stuck though. I wasn’t privy to the court proceedings.

For those in the know: we’re a 99% club and a legally recognized nonprofit charity