be me.

Start at a new company.

Get tasked with building a new VM host and a few VMs for new DC, etc.

Realize all Group Policies are assigned to top level OU.

Fix that.

Build Servers.

Later, notice Acrobat on all servers including the Hyper-V host anyway.

Drink some whiskey.

Realize our RMM tool pushes Acrobat to everything, doesn't give a shit.

On a scale of 1 to shittysysadmin, how much does this bother you? It was a 10 for me, but I think that might be extreme. I fucking hate Acrobat Reader.

Now before you tell me to check out the links on the sidebar or to read the fucking manual, how hard is it to get other people to tell me how good I’d be at doing this job?

All my friends tell me this job is boring and will be obsolete in a few years, but I want to prove them wrong.

Please can you just tell me what is needed? I set up virtual box and did a thing on it, so that proves I got what it takes despite every comment reply going completely over my head.

Be me, 1st day at a new company. Excited to finally leave an MSP and landed an internal IT job.

But then discover the following:

-50 remote desktops that are using Windows 10 Home.

-CTO won't upgrade to Pro.

-The desktops are Cyberpower gaming pcs because CTO got a good deal on them.

-The pc's are used as the DVR for the security cameras.

-No password to access the computer.

-The DVR software is password protected but anyone can access the folder where the footage is saved and delete everything.

-Managers have been saving scanned copies of social security cards and i9's for atleast 7 years (oldest 1 I found was from 2017).

-Lots of unapproved software because there's no GPO to stop this, and no way to know who installs it.

-Passwords saved in notepad files, or on Firefox

-Network isn't PCI compliant because no one who has worked here knows how to setup VLANs.

Fun times.

The field is not doing so good these days and all of us can be replaced so you have to make sure no new people get into your company so the lusers don't start getting any ideas about replacing you. Here is my full proof strategy to make sure none get in and we remain employed and indispensable. Anyway first things first you put extremely high requirements on the job postings combined with McDonalds level pay. 30-30-30 rule they better have 30 years of experience, be under 30 years old, and be ok making under $30k. This ensures that only time traveling trust fund kids from the year 2070 can get in because a regular IT bro can't even afford to take this job and stay in his home.

"BUT BUT BUT UNUSUAL GATO they are still getting in to the interviews no matter how low we make the pay one guy eve applied from an Imac in his tent he lives in". Don't worry my dawgs I got you now we move onto phase two of gatekeeping. Its called Motherfucking LEETCODE HARD, you just crank up the leetcode all the way up til it gives you a warning about frying their brains. They won't get through them, they fucked.

"BUT BUT BUT they managed to solve the leetcode hard" not a problem you just schedule another interview and hit them with leetcode hards until they fail it shouldn't be more than 5 and you tell HR it takes a minimum of 10 interviews to actually verify a CS person is not working for the hacker 4chan Cryptolocker. You can tie these fucking dirty poors trying to get up in so much bullshit they never get in and your job will remain safe.

Last if leetcode fucking fails, you just stop responding to them at all go all the way ghost they will give up and work at a wendys.

https://preview.redd.it/iphxe5op12ad1.png?width=804&format=png&auto=webp&s=2d54af5d9f7ebe06a11bf41c839a37339a16662f

How can I annihilate their IT services? I've already destroyed the hardware key required to restore from our backups. Should I flash corrupted firmware to all of the servers and networking gear? How can I delete the bitlocker keys without taking the time to wipe the drive? What the fastest way to wipeout a SharePoint instance along with azure?

Much appreciated,

Soon to go to federal prison/get sued SysAdmin

Edit: Just to be clear, not actually advocating for illegal activity at all. I intended to mock the theoretical SysAdmin.

#1 go to reddit

#2 reply with bullshit to sysadmin questions

#3 laugh your ass off

#4 learn from the results

#5 repeat

Is there a Shitty Sysadmin Discord server? The r/sysadmin Discord is not shitty enough. In other words, they're too professional and don't have a memes channel.

Mods, I would totally join if you create one. Need somewhere where I can freely be a Shitty Sysadmin.

Has anyone used the 1-2-3 backup rule?

1 local copy, 2 remote copies, 3 cloud copies

When I was being passive-aggressive about not getting recognition, I dropped major hints to my coworkers letting them know that there were only 364 days ‘til Sysadmin Day. I waited patiently all year until it was finally the morning of July 26th. I walked into the office excited for the day ahead, but that feeling soon changed. By the time lunch came around and not a single person brought me a case of Mountain Dew, I knew why…

The only rational conclusion one could draw is that my coworkers don’t consider me a systems administrator. It’s so obvious that I didn’t bother asking any of them if this were the case. There’s simply no way they forgot about it. After all, it’s the sixth most important day of the year.

With that said, I know I could totally get a raise if I asked, but I don’t! You know that clichè, “That’s above my pay grade?” Well, I use it unironically. And often. But if I were to make even a single dollar more, I would have to stop using it, so it’s for the best.

I can't imagine making the choice of disabling sleep mode for AzureAD joined laptops, many of them who are for remote users, work from home users and users who are traveling constantly. Are any shitty sys admins out there that do this?

Guys, i keep raising my prices because i need a new porche each year, but vendors keep raising their prices. I'm running out of cheap places to find good services and China/Russia is on the ban list lately with everything going on. Please recommend your best vendors at the best price so when i raise my prices, i can keep my Gundam figure addiction under control. Remember i need the best prices and the best product, but it has to be at a better price that i raise my rates each year, gotta have that bottom line you know?

A new friend of mine told me how to take out the internet in five schools all at once. Granted these schools are hundreds of miles away from where I live. All it requires is physical access to stuff students normally have access to. Crazy thing is it is just one setting change needed to fix it, it has been reported but they haven't fixed it, and it has accidentally happened before.

I though maybe report it and threaten to disclose it in a matter of months, but then I realized that is a horrible idea, and my friend probably will be blamed so I won't. But yeah, I should not know this.

I have strong OPSEC skills. AMA.