I never really questioned the way I become attracted to people until I saw a post on another sub where someone said they were recipromantic, and when I looked up the term, I felt like it described me perfectly.

I've felt attraction for both males and females before, but I've noticed that almost always, when I get feelings for someone, it's only after they've done something to make me think they're into me or consider that they might be into me, I'll cite some examples:

-A friend of mine who told me they thought they were in love after thanking me for cheering them up which led me to think they were talking about me (they were not)

-A dude who I kept seeing around who I didn't feel any attraction to until he told me that my name was beautiful (which I acknowledged probably wasn't flirting but could be taken some ways)

-A person I knew for two months who I felt no attraction to until they literally pointed to themselves, did a heart sign, and pointed to me from across the room, and then proceeded to start flirting with me

-A guy I had some feelings for after he texted me immediately after his plane landed which people took to think he loved me and also was just very close with me in general (good ending I got over that a long time ago, I never told him, and we're still friends)

-A person who I knew for two years and had no feelings for until 6 months ago when he implied that I am the reason him and his girlfriend broke up.

There's like three people who I've been attracted to that didn't start this way, and for two of those people we were close friends before I caught any feelings, so I'm wondering if am actually recipromantic. I didn't know that this type of attraction had a name, I used to describe it as "lever-pull attraction" because I could be around this person all the time but until they did something to "pull the lever", I didn't have feelings for them

It's hard to explain but I'll try.

Let's just say I've never been (I think) in many relationships. Most of them were because I had trouble saying no. But they didn't last long. I've recently been questioning my sexual orientation/gender. It's very frustrating. I can say that I feel a lot of aesthetic attraction, I think, because I really like the physical appearance of people (especially women).And I had doubts whether it was Romantic or Aesthetic attraction. Because it's like if I look at them I would like to start talking to them and get to know them better, and I also had some thoughts where we could go out (most women). but I never spoke to them and I don't regret it that much..when I think about it it's like "oh well. I didn't care that much, I'm fine like this." I have a partner. I have a little difficulty saying if it is platonic or aesthetic attraction, romantic or I am simply emotionally attached (it's been 5 years). They came out and I accepted (probably because I didn't want them to be sad). So initially it was all fake. We met, talked and saw each other face to face (via photos, lol, it's an online relationship), and I think I find it aesthetically pleasing (this is also confusing, I don't know if I find it aesthetically pleasing or if I'm forcing the situation). I've always played the lover game and replied to their messages. They're nice, They love me, so much, I think I'm the only person who cares about them ig. I remember they played a prank on me saying they were leaving me, at first I was upset and cried... but I remember thinking "at least now you don't have to lie anymore"..I don't know what to think now.. it's weird. I have to tell the truth, Ig that I don't mind affection, and love in general either?? (I swear, I'm too confused, my vision is blurry. As if I wanted but at the same time its a no.) I'm happy that they care about me, they treat me well, they're silly. (LOL THEY SENT ME NOW A MESSAGE) And After that message i kinda felt Happy (?). SO I DONT UNDERSTAAANDCAJEOSH (i hate questioning my sexuality). They have been with me for a long time, they have consoled me, helped me and I have done the same. We would like to meet and be engaged.. really. But. I dont know how do I feel..am I happy? Excited? I can't explain it.. it's a mix. Like a no? Yes? Uh.And I just can't figure out if I'm alloromantic or aromantic or arospec. I cant tell if I like romance or not. Its a maybe. I think the most correct definition for what I feel is: I want a relationship? Yeah..ig. but it seems wrong and weird from a certain point of view..I'm not sure I've ever felt romantic attraction and the quizzes I take to test it are... strange, they don't seem to represent me.

Pls if you can help me thanks !! <333

(PS: if you want to know more, tell me!)

I've never once thought if I was aromantic because I had a crush on a girl when I was 14, in fact, I would get short-term "crushes" a lot as a kid (but those were pretty much just "that guy looks cute, i like that girl's outfit"), but that one crush at 14 was my first and has since been my only true crush.

Since then (now 21), I have had 2 relationships, and have been debating starting another for a few months now. All of these were friends of mine until they admitted their feelings for me and I began to feel for them too. Although recently I have begun to wonder if I actually DID feel anything for them or if I just convinced myself I did to save their feelings.

But after finding out about recipromantic, I was almost scared by how much I related to it lol, and I'm trying to research it more to find out if I really do fit with this and what it could mean for me, but there's not a lot out there.

So I was wondering if any of y'all experience the same doubt of "am I really this or am I just a pushover?", and if so, how do you handle it? I think I also have commitment issues so that doesn't help lmao

Iv definitely had crushes on people before but they have never been large enough or intense enough for me to actually confront the person. Iv also been in relationships with people iv never thought about being with but those have been some of the best relationships iv been. I'm scared that I because I never liked them before that it means that I was just despret to have a partner at that time. Iv always been fairly lonely and wanting of a partner so It would make sense if I had just been wanting that attention in the moment.

My most recent relationship ended because my partner gave me very little romantic attention and I ended it shortly after that had started.

Did I end it because my needs in a relationship weren't being met and I was just despret for attention in the first place? Do recipromantic people have crushes on people sometimes? Am I recipromantic or despret?

Hello, I’m a bisexual and allosexual woman who constantly questions her romantic orientation (am I hetero-romantic? Omni romantic and Recipromantic? Who knows 😂). I am in a relationship with a man. I’m the kind of person who deeply desires companionship and is happiest in a healthy relationship, but looking back on it, with a few exceptions that aren’t very strong, I don’t really experience romantic crushes unless I know or have an inkling that person likes me back.

It’s all a little complicated, but I’ve always had trouble identifying whether or not I have romantic feelings for other women or femme enbies esp., maybe because they’re less likely to be interested in me or be obvious about it than the average straight guy. I also can’t relate to other queer women’s young experiences of having romantic feelings for their straight friends (I experienced other types of attraction instead), I guess that’s part of the reason it took me so long to realize I was bi.

I might be Recipromantic! Any of you have similar experiences/questioning?

Happy Pride month!

I know the title may not be the best, but I have no real idea how to word this.

Until very recently, I thought I was aromantic. No crushes, likes, nothing. Then someone confessed they had liked me for some time and I realized I had feelings for them that only developed after they confessed. They're already in a relationship and we're working on just being friends, but now that the inital shock has passed, I'm finding myself wondering if a relationship like that is a good idea for me.

To put simply, all my friends that are in romantic relationships act so differently whenever their partner is around. It seems like they reserve all their energy for them, and very little for anything else. I've experienced this myself, wanting to only hang out with the one person and neglect others.

I suppose I wanted to ask whether I was the only one to notice this, and if I'm just overreacting. Thank you.

Hi! So, for a while now I have identified as demiromantic/asexual. But after seeing this post on r/Asexual I think I might be recipromantic/ace.

I have been in 3 relationships in my life. The one I’m in right now and my previous one are what make me think I’m recipromantic. In both situations, I rarely thought of the other person in a romantic way, until they said they had feelings for me. Technically my first relationship wasn’t like this, but it also wasn’t very “serious”, if that makes sense.

Just looking for some input. Thx!

So when looking back throughout my whole life, I’ve noticed how that I usually haven’t felt any romantic attraction to anyone unless they expressed romantic interest in me first. (there was one exception to this, but it was in elementary school so I don’t know if it really affects anything at all) At first I thought I was just a really oblivious person, but noticing that this has been a repeated pattern made me feel a bit concerned.

I genuinely loved my exes when we were together, and I really do love my current partner, but I realized that I didn’t notice a connection until I found out they liked me (whether by accident or a confession).

I had been thinking about all of this for a while, at first I thought maybe this was a weird response to trauma, or maybe like there was just something wrong with me.

Tonight I just couldn’t take not knowing anymore and I started searching through websites, posts, etc. And now I finally ended up here.

I’m not sure what exactly to do now. I feel like I should tell my partner about this, but I’m also really scared that it might ruin things.

Recently, I started getting the impression that a long-time friend of mine is in love with me. I talked with other friends about it and they think so too. As a recipromantic, now I'm catching feelings. I've known the guy for five years, and I have no clue how long he's felt that way for. I've really valued this friendship and I've thought of him as my best friend for a while now.

I've never talked with him about my romantic orientation before though. There wasn't any particular reason for that. It just never came up. But now that I'm interested in him, I feel like I want to let him know. That way he can know that if things don't work out, that at least for me, it wouldn't ruin the friendship. I know that he values our friendship a lot.

I also feel like this would put the ball in his court. Right now, he's in an abusive marriage, and while they are poly, I can imagine he might need to take his time before he's comfortable being in another relationship. I want him to know that whenever he's ready that I'll be here.

I know my situation is complex but I'd love to hear if any of you have any stories about telling a romantic interest or partner about your orientation! How did it go? Were they receptive?

So I am recirpomantic and probably Reciprosexual too along with being Demi^2 . Can recripromantic be considered under the grey umbrella since it is conditional under the fact that one does not experience romantic attraction unless someone is romantically attracted to them first? Appreciate any insights!

So I have just now learned that recipromantic is not as fixed as is seems either, like all the other Microlabels as well. But I still only find the same information everywhere else, that you need to know the other person likes you, before you develop feelings for them. I don't need to know that someone likes me romantically to develop romantic feelings for them. If I get the feeling they might like me, even if they don't really, I still start to feel something for them myself. Until now, the feelings I thought the other one might have where never real, and I just ended up sad or even heart broken. Now I am a bit confused and just want to know if anybody else here has things like that happen to them?

Oh and I really like the flag! I didn't know this one before! 😍

What do you need to perceive inorder to start being able to experience romantic attraction? Example, sometimes flirting and blushing can be ambiguous, or not exactly romantic attraction. Basically, I’m wondering if you need to be asked out or confessed to in order to experience the romantic attraction; or have you found yourself able to experience romantic attraction when it is ambiguous, or you are not 100% sure if the person is romantically attracted to you?

As someone who’s romantic attraction is also dependent on whether or no the other person expresses romantic attraction to me, I really vibe with the label romance-ambivalent to describe my attitude towards romance. However, as a lithromantic (the opposite of recipro) I may find myself going from romance-favorable to romance-repulsed, or staying on the “extremes”. I was wondering if recipros experienced romo repulsion? Or if maybe it is more common for you to be romance-indifferent and then if someone expresses romo attrac to you, you become romo favorable? I am not that familiar with recipro’s experiences, so I would like to hear (if anyone feels like sharing)

It is totally valid to really like and vibe with with whatever version of the recipro flag you like best!

And at the same time, I feel like the added “pale green” stripe and “pale purple” stripe to the recipromantic and reciprosexual flags, respectively, decrease how aesthetically pleasing the recipro flag is.

A few years ago, when I stumbled on the recipro flag, it did not have the pale green/pale purple stripe. And I thought, omg, this pride flag is so cool! I love it so much, this is one of my favorite flags in the acommunity. And now, there is this pale green stripe that I feel “interrupts” the color scheme of the recipro flag.

Idk, there’s also been a lot of flag designs in the lith community, including flag designs that feature the same pale green stripe (I have seen them before) and I also didn’t find the alternate versions that aesthetically pleasing as well. I’m really glad that both the lithro and lithse communities have settled on the most aesthetically pleasing flag, even if that means that the flag is the same for both the lithromantic and lithsexual communities. But yes I wanted to ask this community what you think about your flag.

Idk I just feel it is easier to take pride in your label when you vibe with/like your flag/it is aesthetically pleasing to look at

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I came seek out your expert advise on a potential recipromantic headcanon. I was wondering what y’alls opinion was on Fred from Mystery Inc. being recipromantic? I’m actually an akoiromantic, so I’m like the opposite of all of you, and I feel like Fred’s arospec orientation (he seems highly arospec to me) is not my area of expertise. I also understand that Mystery Inc. is a high key amatonormative show, so it’s totally ok to not watch the show or scenes to see if Fred does infact have recipro vibes.

I have been exploring the ace community lately. I knew I was somewhere on the spectrum..just didn't know where. I don't experience romantic attraction often but I have a lot of romantic fantasies which made me feel like such a phony when looking into the ace community. Still, i wanted to give it a shot since I've been very confused lately. I learned about recipromantic and instantly felt a connection with the term. I had to think back on my experiences and confirm that this was in fact who i was..recipromantic. I confirmed that I was after some short reflecting. Almost all of my crushes were a result of learning that the other liked me first or at least a suspicion that they liked me first. Another experience that really hit it for me was with this one time where I was attracted to a guy and it almost developed into a crush but I realized that he wasn't attracted to me at all so the attraction that i had towards him quickly fizzled out. Yup, that definitely confirms it. Anyways, i just wanted to hop on here and share my experience. I'm really glad that I found something that suits me well!

I figure the title explains it, but basically I dont "notice" people romantically until I feel they have shown me anything, otherwise they are basically an NPC. Later on down the line, as I get to know them romantically and trust them, they get past the Demisexual firewall, and then its basically over for me (I have codependency issues).

I often wonder how much of me would have been this way, how much is due to my ADHD, and how much is due to my screwed up experiences in childhood.

I've looked at this label before and kinda thought 'huh, maybe'. My romantic orientation and attraction have been majorly confusing me. But recently my crush, who previously said they had feelings for me (which I think is what allowed my feelings to grow and get to the point they did), officially said they don't anymore on Friday, and since then my attraction has been going away really fast, much faster than I expected it to. And tonight I was thinking and it occurred to me that this might actually be the right label, and for basically the first time since I started trying out various arospec labels to find the right one, I actually feel like one fits and I'm not just stealing it or something. And it feels really good and I wanted to share that with people (:

Also, this sub appears to be pretty dead. Let's revive it!

So despite not feeling romantic attraction most of the time I still tend to have romantic fantasies quite often. Well I was thinking about it the other day and I realized my fantasies reflect my recipromantic identity. Like in my own daydreams I’m never the one initiating, it’s always the made up other person finding interest in me, which then gets me interested in them.

And the interesting part about this is that they’ve been like this since ages before I even learned the term.

Idk I just found it kinda interesting how my subconscious seemed to know before I did.

cmon yall

Okay so, if you are questioning, please put all that in this post for now. Any kind of hate toward the LGBTQ community will get you banned, and if you want to be a moderator please message me. With all that said, welcome to the community, and remember, you are valid!

A place for members of r/Recipromantic to chat with each other