Tips for staying grounded, present, and happy during a show?

going to a rave tonight (been to a dozen), am fearing the anxiety and overthinking that accompanies it…

took mdma at excision like a month ago, had a dark-tone internal trip as the mdma guided me through past traumas, no euphoria…

tonight I’m taking 20mg 4AcODMT/gonna have some drinks/ maybe some Calvin Klein.

I have anxiety right now, maybe it’s from there vyvanse this morning but I’m afraid of how bad it’ll be at the show. I always get lost in my own head?

First time I've tripped since my last experience went sideways. Usually take my mushrooms dried, but just so happened to have some ready for harvest on the day so figured I'd try some fresh. Made a tea with ginger and 27g fresh cubensis (roughly equivalent to 2.7g dried) and set up my normal trip space. Followed my usual solo trip protocol (few hours fasted, showered, clean tidy space, phone off, everything taken care of).

Come up: Finished my tea whilst doing some stretching and listening to nature sounds. Sat on the floor with eyes closed and focused on my breathing. A lot more nausea than usual, but rode it out and had a bucket nearby just incase. Lied down once it started getting too intense and popped on the Johns Hopkins playlist. Could not shake off the nausea, was totally open to purging but didn't want to force it. Toward the peak the soft mood lighting was too intense so switched it off and tried everything to relax.

Peak: A few moments of beautiful serenity, but mostly a dark sense of impending doom hovering over me. The nausea was so bad my brain was trying to convince me I had poisoned myself and needed immediate medical attention or i would die. Closed and open eye visuals were some of the most intense I have experienced, and not pleasant. I was trying to be receptive of what I was being shown, and follow the trails to see what it was trying to teach me. Found something in what seemed like a deep, dark, damp cave...and whatever/whoever it was, was not happy about being found (still picking this apart).

Praying: 3hrs in, there was no sign of slowing down. I was distraught and just wanted it all to be over. I consider myself atheist-ish, but got on my hands and knees and prayed, begging for it to stop.

4ish hours: Despite recalling that it didn't do a lot last time, i was desperate and popped a benzo to try and slow things down. After about 45 mins I started coming down.

There's something there among the rubble to find I'm sure.

Okay so this is my first reddit post and my thoughts are a little disorganized but ima try and type it all out.

Okay so it started about 2 maybe 3 weeks ago I decided to do some shrooms by brother gave me some, very strong ones he grew. So I had a plan my boyfriend was gonna watch me and basically sit trip me, I didn't feel it was necessary as I knew I was in a good headspace, I really wasn't now that I look back. So I blended them into a smoothie and drank it. everything was fine at first I was seeing beautiful shapes and colors were so vibrant and music just felt so good. I think it started bad when my boyfriend was getting tired so I decided about 2 hours after taking them to start to head to bed so I hit my weed cart a couple times and took some Benadryl (not a lot). About 10 minutes later we are sitting in bed and I get this very very bad feeling like im about to die and I feel something weird in my brain it felt like, like my cranial nerves were like detaching from each other or that like something was happening I got really scared and told him I thought something was wrong. okay so he tried to calm me down and I start getting this strong feeling that this is the actual end and that im just some simulation running on a loop with the main goal of like discovering that im in a simulation and when I discover that it all starts back over again. so I was horrified and started screaming for him to call an ambulance. I don't know if that makes sense. and like im just a computer running through all the possible "questions/computations" to understand that im in a simulation. and then all I remember is nothing and then laying down. my boyfriend on the other hand states I completely lost my mind and started like screaming and digging at my skin and eyes and attacking him... of which I remember none of it. So I fall asleep and the next day is completely fine. everything was back to normal.

Anyways earlier this week I smoked a blunt by myself and was feeling amazing so I decided to take a nice hot shower and listen to some music that's when my heart starts racing and I start running back down the same "code" line that I was in on the shrooms and I start thinking "so if im feeling this way again on the weed and thinking im a simulation then that must mean it wasn't just the mushrooms and that must mean it really is all a simulation" and I start like spiraling down into that "simulation death" mindset. somehow I break out and run and get my boyfriend to tell him Im having the thoughts again so he comes and sits me down and then again I don't remember anything! I just remember vaguely talking to one of his nurse friends. He tells me I started begging him to call and ambulance and that I was saying stuff along the line of "I need to seek Christ and god in my life" and some religious stuff that is was out of character for me. So when I come back to and hours after smoking I still have the same exact thoughts that in a simulation. I didn't sleep that night, or the next two nights. I was only able to get some sleep last night. What helped me was having the mindset "well if I need to actually believe that im in a simulation for it to end then I will start throwing random beliefs and crazy ideas to throw my computer (brain) off course and keep it from solving the problem of the simulation.".

Anways I thought I was safe today, I decided to give up drugs completely and get back on my antipsychotics to help. So im in the shower today again just relaxing, and same exact thing starts happening my heart starts racing and I get the same exact thoughts from the time before. this time I was able to throw them off by having the thought process that when I die its just black there's no simulation loop going on, and its all in my mind.

So right now it just feels like 2 parts of my brain are fighting with eachother, one is trying to solve the simulation "equation" and the other is trying to stop the other side from finishing it to prolong this life. I scheduled a psychiatry appointment but its in may :/ so I was wondering does anyone have any tips or things that will help me get off this thought process and what might this be? paranoia? a sort of psychosis? or is it real am I loosing my mind?

​

https://preview.redd.it/1xwywtnu7osc1.jpg?width=1414&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85a8ab5480de3a560795c22168dcd95732ad496a

Hey everybody,

We are happy to invite you to take part in our survey study at the University of Fribourg, investigating the acute effects of psychedelics. This study aims to shed light on the potential psychological and cognitive changes that occur during the immediate period after psychedelic use.

Why Participate?

Psychedelics have captured the attention of researchers, mental health professionals, and the general public for their potential therapeutic benefits. By participating in this survey, you will be helping us expand the knowledge about these substances and their effects on the human mind.

Who Can Participate?

· You are 18 years or older.

· You had a noticeable psychedelic experience in the last 12 months.

· You understand and write English or German fluently.

Participation Details:

· The survey will be conducted online and will require approximately 20 minutes to complete.

· All responses will be anonymous and treated with strict confidentiality.

· With the participation you will support us in expanding our knowledge of the substances and their effects on the human mind.

Randomized Raffle - Win Amazon Gift Cards! To show our appreciation for your time and contribution, we are offering a chance to win one of five Amazon gift cards worth €50 each. At the end of the survey, you will have the option to enter the raffle. Winners will be selected randomly and notified via email.

How to Participate: To take part in this survey please click on the following link: https://redcapmed.unifr.ch/surveys/?s=C4WTHM4W898NJC8A

Thank you for your interest in advancing psychedelic research and for considering participation in this study.

This study was approved by the Internal Review Board of the Department of Psychology, University of Fribourg (Ref-No.: 2023 - 862).

If you have any questions or require further information, please do not hesitate to contact us at vincent.diehl@unifr.ch.

Sincerely,

The Hasler Lab Team

Hello all,

I am looking to start using the Stamets stack and need some probably very elementary help. I have my ingredients and my pill machine. My question is this, if I want to make say 100 capsules and I need 200mg psilocybin , 100mg lions mane and 100mg niacin per capsule, do I just multiply all those figures by 100 and mix it all together in a bowl real well and then just make my capsules?

I recently accompanied a friend (33F) on her first trip. She had 0.9g of PE cubes. She is known to have one of the types of color blindness/color deficiency. She ended up experiencing colors that she normally doesn't, particularly greens, blues, and purples.

I can see why this could happen, but this result wasn't on my radar before seeing her experience it. This "color correction" lasted, to a degree, for a day or two afterward.

Has anyone on here with color blindness had this experience? If so, how would you describe it? What is worth noting about it?

​

*Side note* - She also experienced the full freckle pattern and described it as layers and layers of connected geometries and very tattoo-like. Currently 3 for 3 in getting people tripping to experience the pattern... You're missing out if you haven't tried yet (not an endorsement/encouragement).

I think I may be wrong, but I sometimes think I observe that the art of musicians or painters who use psychedelics get very topic specif (usually mystical in themes)

In a certain sense I think that most psychedelic users start to orbit around the same topics over time

Is this just my impression, in your opinion? What do you think?

Hi! I'm an undergraduate psychology and philosophy student with an interest in psychedelics and existentialism. I'm conducting a study to investigate psychedelic-induced mystical experience and it's relationship to a recently termed psychological trait "Existential Humility". This will be the first of its kind to officially investigate the relationship between these two areas of study.

With that being said, I need to recruit individuals both with and without a past psychedelic experience. I kindly request that you take 10 minutes out of your day to complete this anonymous survey. Your response will help contribute to a growing academic literature on the psychology of psychedelics. More info is included in the survey. You must be 18 years of age or older and in the U.S. to participate.

Link: https://kusurvey.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_266OEveFUaDkFzE

Thank you for your participation!

Contact information:

ethanduncan@ku.edu

University of Kansas

I haven't used any psychedelic drugs at all in almost 3 years. The last few times I used DMT it caused me panic attacks and trauma.

When I woke earlier, I went into an actual full on trip. I started feeling the weird and distinct shallow breathing and full body pins and needles type sensations that come with the start of a DMT trip. I started seeing the symmetrical repeated patterns and then it went relatively deep into a DMT trip. I started to feel distant from my physical body, as though my physical body was something inside my awareness rather than vice versa, and felt that if I allowed my breathing to just go I would be able to leave life.

It was strong enough of a trip that I thought that all of the past few years were part of a trip, and that I was about to come to in my room in 2021 with the bong beside me.

It wore off after a little while. It has happened once before when I first woke up (maybe around 8 months prior?) but this was the strongest it has been.

My first question is: Did anyone have the same experience?

I know it is all about what you focus on, but I had really bad feelings about almost everything, especially about suffering of all living things (poor people with sad/horror stories, trees that end up as toilet paper, animals who are used for production of meat diary and eggs and so on), I literally feel that sadness of the reality they live.

Since I know that I am everything all at once, but at this particular moment I am the person/individual who is divided out of everything, I know that I am experiencing all of that suffering as well.

This feeling then created my bad trips, crying and desiring end of this life.

So my second question is: Anyone who can relate, how can you deal with this? Maybe the ignorance is bliss in this case, but is it really?

Thank you for your opinion!

I'm thinking about an ahahuasca retreat and often the thought /imagining a bad trip gives me a bit of anxiety fear. Is this setting me up for a bad time? Or are things generally random. Assuming here I'm in a guided environment, with adequate preparation.

Have had bad but not intolerable mushroom trips in the past.

Edit : to be clear my main anxiety is not to have a bad time, but to have a long recovery process from trauma or I guess the remote possibility of psychosis /more severe end of adverse outcomes. For example coming out the other side thinking I'm a messiah or something.

Hey I did 5g of shrooms yesterday and I had a repeat of an experience over the summer too a lesser degree (where the trip this summer was 5g PE whereas this was 5g golden teachers). I consider myself an experienced tripper and nothing here was particularly out of the ordinary in my set and setting. I tripped alone which I am used to and get more out of than with others.

To put it briefly they were both experiences where about 1hr in so coming onto the peak for me I was overwhelmed - literally overwhelmed - with awe and gratitude which I projected onto everything around me, like my university professors, my family, my favorite music, my healthy functioning body etc. But I also get nauseous and am uncomfortable during the comeup so perhaps this feeling started out of my "relief" of nausea once the shrooms digested like a catharsis that I projected into having gratitude for, I think pretty much every aspect of my life, around me.

Both times, though I'm an atheist, it felt like a religious experience and I began to panic due to how overwhelming my feelings of gratitude was where it felt supranational and too much for me too handle.

Thankfully yesterday, though there was extreme panic and an impending sense of doom, I was fairly competent in relaxing myself and getting through it, though unfortunately it drained me so much that I drank a lot and got high that night to soothe myself and in doing so it is now harder to extract insights out of my experience. Common mistake for me.

So basically I'm just looking for if anyone has similar experiences of extreme positive emotions that turn into panic (and for me I interpert as having a religious/immensely powerful meaningful force behind them when I am peaking) and any ways you might have overcome this and any advice you have for me. Thanks!

Last night I dropped 2 tabs at 10pm and a half more at 11pm. Was this last dose wasted or did it still do its thing?

I really enjoyed ephenidine. In fact when I am asked to list my favourite drugs of all time it regularly features. For those who are not familiar, it is a dissociative, but it is orally consumed and is longer lasting than ketamine.

Ephenidine

Hardly surprisingly I gave it a positive report in The Drug Users Bible: https://drugusersbible.org/chemscape/dissociatives/ephenidine.html

This was circa 2015, just before research chemicals were banned from sale and import to the UK. As possession remained legal, I even made it an exception, and kept hold of a few grams.

However, I felt no rush to munch my way through it, as there seemed to be little likelihood of this situation changing. It simply sat in my drawer, as something of an historical artefact, albeit a cherished one, on the basis that one day I might get around to feeling its warm embrace again.

Then, earlier this month, out of the blue, it was suddenly upgraded to a Class B drug.

Given that as far as I can determine it is not available anywhere, and it is absolutely not in common use, you might ask the obvious question: why?*

The answer is that in this country we are governed by a mob of ruthless sociopaths, and for them, banning drugs buys a few positive headlines from their equally corrupt media cohorts. As they routinely trade significant human suffering for a cheap headline, meaningless legislation to help them to “look tough on drugs” is a no-brainer.

I had to dump my precious cargo.

Farewell my darling ephenidine.

---------------------------------

*NOTES FROM THE GOVERNMENT’S ADVISORY PANEL

7.5 Chronic use of ketamine can be associated kidney, bladder and urinary tract toxicity, particularly haemorrhagic cystitis [Kalsi S et al 2011]. There is currently no evidence to suggest that diphenidine, methoxyphenidine and ephenidine are associated with these kidney, bladder and urinary tract toxicities.

8.2 There have been no published case reports or series describing acute toxicity related to the use of ephenidine, fluorolintane or isophenidine.

8.11 There have been no reports of presentations involving ephenidine, fluorolintane or isophenidine within the Euro-DEN Plus project.

8.13 This review did not identify any deaths where fluorolintane, isophenidine or ephenidine had been detected, reported to have been used prior to death and/or were determined to have been involved in the death.

10.2 The publicly available ‘sample results’ section on the WEDINOS website was searched for samples that had been analysed where diphenidine, ephenidine, methoxyphenidine (searched using the term methoxphenidine), isophenidine or fluorolintane were identified.

10.4 The samples analysed where diphenidine, ephenidine or methoxyphenidine have been detected are summarised in the table below by year of detection, along with the total number of samples in each year.

[My summary: No samples at all were recorded for ephenidine since 2016-2017, when there were only 4. There were 5 the year to that and zero previously.]

10.6 The ACMD Secretariat contacted Forensic Early Warning System (FEWS) for any information on the detection of diphenidine, ephenidine, fluorolintane, isophenidine and methoxyphenidine (MXP, 2-MeO-diphenidine).

10.8 FEWS have not detected diphenidine, ephenidine, fluorolintane or isophenidine in any samples analysed.

10.10 Online and app TOXBASE accesses for diphenidine and methoxyphenidine are summarised in the Table below. No data are available for ephenidine, isophenidine or fluorolintane as no information about these compounds is currently available on TOXBASE.

10.11 There have previously been telephone calls to the NPIS related to diphenidine and methoxyphenidine in 2017-18 (Diphenidine -2; methoxyphenidine -1) and 2018-19 (Diphenidine - 1; methoxyphenidine - 1) but no calls for either compound since then. There have been no calls to the NPIS related to ephenidine, fluorolintane or isophenidine.

10.13 Over this period there have been two detections of diphenidine (2016 and 2018), four detections of methoxyphenidine (2016 – 3; 2017 – 1) and no detections of ephenidine, fluorolintane or isophenidine.

10.17 There have been no UK reported cases of acute toxicity related to diphenidine, ephenidine, isophenidine or fluorolintane to the Euro-DEN Plus Network.

10.21 This review did not identify any deaths in the United Kingdom where fluorolintane, isophenidine or ephenidine had been detected, reported to have been used prior to death and/or were determined to have been involved in the death.

DESPITE ALL THE ABOVE IT WAS RECOMMENDED THAT:

2. As these materials have no medical use it is recommended that they should be placed in Schedule 1 of the Misuse of Drugs Regulations 2001 (as amended) and added to schedule 1 of the Misuse of Drugs (Designation) (England, Wales and Scotland) Order 2015, Northern Ireland 2001, to which section 7(4) of the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 applies.

It seems fairly clear at this point that Magic Mushrooms Psilocybe cubensis are going the way of Cannabis in North America and abroad.

People generally think they are fine for health when done with some maturity recreationally.

There is also a lot of testimonials in regards to potential therapeutic impacts (Depression/Anxiety, Headaches, etc.)

I personally think we are going to keep seeing more and more dispensaries in Southern California and across the nation/North America.

I am looking forward to the bullshit chocolate bars and other products being fazed out of existence and more empirical studies on the alkaloids and such.

It would be nice to see exactly what compounds in what ratios and amounts for the various different varieties of Psilocybe cubensis when you go into the dispensary like exists with Cannabis now from lab testing and such.

28M, no serious mental health issues (some anxiety and mild depression). I've always felt a lack of contentment with life and lacked direction.

Over the last few years I've done 3 mushroom retreats to try and work on trauma from the past, get a new perspective, introspect etc. I can't say I was transformed but particularly in one retreat I made a stronger emotional connection with some part of myself and had a lot of release. All trips brought up a fair amount of anxiety though (the first time the classic 'will this ever end', another time thinking I was going a little insane). I never spiralled on the bad trips and had support. My last trip a year ago wasn't so eventful but started having repetitive thoughts and visions (semi horror) at the tail end of the trip, which freaked me out for a couple days.

What has the effect of these retreats been? Sometimes when I'm very stressed I get somewhat vidid close eye visuals, as if I was tripping, doesn't happen often. Scared me the first time but ultimately gets harmless. I'm a bit more creative. I 'feel' like they opened up my emotions a bit, I have always been quite emotionally numb, and I seem to more readily feel anxieyu these days. Not sure if I gained an anxiety problem or if it just got revealed.

Present day at a crossroads in my life and need some direction, still suffer from lack of spiritual connection or purpose (despite being a yoga and meditation practioner). I feel a little unstable sometimes, bouncing between feeling fine, depressed, anxious, in the space of hours. Sometimes having bad days, sometimes good days.

I have some time remaining in south America before returning to Europe and started investigating ayahuasca retreats. Found a couple that seem promising but I've delved into the rabbit hole of ayahuasca horror stories - people have been severely traumatised, suffered with psychosis and severe mental health problems for years before maybe recovering.

I can't decide whether it's worth the risk. I'm incredibly lost in life, needing a chance, but I don't want to set myself back even further.

Any advice appreciated!

I've had some good experiences with mushrooms and MDMA, and now I'm considering combining them. I see guides like this one recommend that you take the mushrooms first and then the MDMA an hour later so you're not coming down from the MDMA while still high on mushrooms, which sounds like it exacerbates the negatives. But I also see people say that they combine the two so they don't feel anxious during mushroom trips. When I've had bad trips, they spiral pretty quickly, and I would think I'd want to take the MDMA to feel calm first, before I dive into the mushroom side.

In this light, would it make sense to do something like MDMA first, mushrooms at +45 minutes, and then more MDMA at +90? I did the (*not quite) MAPS protocol of 130+70mg MDMA, and my trip lasted a long time, so this feels like the best approach, though I haven't seen anyone recommend it. If this is a good approach, how much should I take of each?

Is there any synergistic risk with hippie flipping? I know that MDMA and MAOIs can cause serotonin syndrome. Since psilocin mimics serotonin, I'm not sure if this could be a problem.

Hello, Currently my girlfriend and I are looking to take some MDMA in the coming weeks but she has recently been taking Venlafaxine which is an anti depressant and an SSRI.

I have heard various things about anti depressants and psychedelic not mixing well. But I have also heard these things are false or not backed by studies. I am struggling to find much solid evidence for either claim.

We both have taken lots of MDMA and psychedelic before. But never while on medication.

Can anyone give me some information on what the effects might be? MDMA and SSRIs both interact with serotonin receptors and this can lead to serotonin syndrome but everything I read says not much is known or this is misleading or does not clarify how long to be off of medication before the risk is gone.

If it is a bad idea, how long does she need to be off of them to take a psychedelic or MDMA? A few days? Weeks? Months?

Thanks for any info you have

The title. Idc how long the break needs to be. I have heard people take 15 year breaks between trips and have had profound experiences. My first trip was magical but every trip after that was less and less profound and impactful, and more "real". I thought the problem was in the dosage but any time i tried to take relatively high doses the physical sensations became overwhelming, resulting in extremely bad trips. I am thinking of taking 6-12 month break. Would that be enough to reset my system's familiarity with the substance of psilocybin? Or can it be impossible to recreate that novelty of a first trip?

Hi, so last month I [28M] took about 3 grams of psilocybin with an experienced facilitator. This was in the context of psychedelic therapy for clinical depression I’ve had for about 10 years.

The first few hours were pretty interesting, with lots of strange and interesting visuals and also a realization that I should fix my relationship with my mom because we were very close when I was a kid. That was all fine and seemed potentially therapeutic.

But for the last hour or so of the trip, when I was coming out of this inner experience and transitioning back to reality and my normal sense of self, a horrible panic attack hit which seemed to last an eternity. It felt like I had crossed some threshold of insanity that I would never recover from. Just this inescapable thought loop of fear. I was terrified that some latent psychotic disorder had just emerged. Easily the most disturbing thing I’ve ever experienced.

Although neither myself or anyone in my immediate family (parents and siblings) have any history of psychosis, my grandma (who passed 20 years ago) was hospitalized with depression for many years and that was so long ago that no one is really sure of her exact diagnosis or the extent of her mental illness. My mom says she thinks my grandma just had really bad depression, and she also doesn’t remember my grandma having any obvious psychotic or schizophrenic symptoms or anything like that, but I guess no one really knows what was going on in her head. Apparently this uncertainty had been in the back of my mind more than I had been aware of going in, because I felt like perhaps I’d triggered some latent psychiatric disorder (schizophrenia or something similar) that might or might not be in my family history due to the nebulous nature of my grandma’s condition.

But after a hour I did come out of this panic attack. My mom gave me a ride home, and by that point I felt just really tired and empty but mostly normal. The next day however I went on a long drive, and an hour-long panic attack hit again. I’ve had panic attacks before, but this was different. My previous panic attacks have been more physical anxiety, but this was very psychological. It just felt like my self of sense was kind of disrupted or unstable, like I couldn’t trust my own sanity. Eventually it passed, but I was just kind of shaken.

For the next week, this feeling of borderline panic and questions of my own sanity kept popping up. It was accompanied by this weird sinking feeling where it felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me and I was falling into some very unfamiliar and disturbing mental place. I also had almost no appetite. I never had any hallucinations or delusions or anything of that sort -- I just felt really weird and afraid. I did do a couple integration sessions with my facilitator during this time, which was helpful because he said this disrupted or altered sense of self can happen to some people after taking psilocybin but usually passes within several days.

And after a week or so, those feelings did all pass. I now feel just about as I did before the whole psilocybin experience, for better or for worse. I definitely still have depression, but I suppose at least I have less fear/doubts of my sanity and such.

So, I’m just left with some questions from this experience. First, what the hell happened? Is it somewhat normal for it to take a week or so to feel like your normal self again after a bad or traumatic trip? Also, due to my continued (often severe) depression, I might want to try psilocybin therapy again in the future under different circumstances (like a smaller dose, maybe 1-2 grams). Or is that something I should avoid due to how shaken I was by this trip?

Need help. What is happening? Psychosis?

Hello, 5 weeks ago I took 300ug and experienced some sort of ego dissolution, it was a traumatic experience and the trip lasted 20-24 hours. Since then everything has changed and I am in the constant state of everything feeling fake and existential questioning, I feel so detached, my head is empty and my thoughts are constantly thinking everything is an illusion. Constant Googling has just been making it worse. People just feel like constructs and not real. I’ll look at them and feel nothing. Its not visual but my thoughts are convinced so I cant enjoy anything, I am a people person and its making it hell. I cant even chill and watch Youtube videos and seeing the people as people. I was into theory and psychology and stuff prior but now my head is just empty cause the last thing I wanna do is reductionism cause it makes everything feel even more fake. I feel forced to go outside and just be in nature but I dont like that at all, its exhausting and it feel forced. I just want to take it chill and be content. It has given me extreme anxiety, some days I cant even eat and wake up sweating and shaking at night, recently Ive been put on anti psychotics (Aripripazol).

Is this how its supposed to feel? When people say they gain a new perspective do they mean to live in a psycothic like state for the rest of their lives where everything feels fake? I can stop viewing the world through this lens. Please help

I think my title highly explains my sense of doubt. I've taken them around over ~10-12 times in my life, usually spaced out by 6 months, but recently I find myself going through a bit of a life crisis and I just can't pinpoint why. Like a total lack of purpose.

The last time I did them was 2.5 months ago, and just had a stressful, confusing trip. The theme of my life I guess, despite having strong intentions.

I've always sworn by mushrooms for their healing properties, but recently I'm beginning to doubt everything including myself. "What if they're harming me?" "What if this is why I feel confused?" etc.

And I feel I need a breakthrough or life revelation because the pain cuts deep, I'm trying my best, and I don't know where my life is going or which direction I should turn it. But seriously, I try very hard. I exercise, meditate, study a language, etc. I have a history of trauma and lack of romantic relationship if this means anything. I have one great friend but this is usually my life pattern I've noticed.

I know nobody can answer this question for me. But maybe some of you have insight/wisdom based on your own experience. It's been quite long since I've felt peace without struggle. I am always fighting in life it seems. Of course, with my fears of life it seems, I'm afraid I'll end up more lost/confused with another trip (if that's even possible). I doubt it, but I fear everything right now.

Should I try again in a natural set and setting I can find? All advice really appreciated, it's a hard time for me. Thanks.

So, whilst I would like to, I haven’t yet tried DMT. I have however, read a lot of experiences and, whilst I’m aware that people fantasise and exaggerate based one their beliefs, I can’t kick the feeling that many of their stories are eerily similar and seem to have reoccurring themes. I’d like to be able to account this to an altered state of mind but it would be helpful if someone who had experiences that aren’t biased by a belief system could help me to rationalise the weirdness.

So far I’ve thought about dreams and how our brains produce these images much like AI videos. I’ve had lucid dreams where I’ve looked at things and they are obviously generated slightly wrong. For example I remember looking at a fork and it had loads of prongs. I believe our brains have a function similar to AI image generators and the images often aren’t perfect and are generated from memory (hence the fork being slightly off). I imagine these same functions are connected to pattern recognition and that stimulation of these areas is where much of the trippyness of psychedelics comes from. This would also make sense regarding the feelings of understanding and incredible revelations. I believe that thoughts are likely processed using similar recognition processes. They are strings of information that our brains process and find patterns in. Stimulating this area of the brain creates excessive thought pattern synthesis and also stimulates the area of the brain that creates the feeling of discovery.

I imagine that DMT hallucinations come from a similar place. The normal dream producing function is trying to generate a dream but the pattern recognition and thought synthesis systems are going wild resulting in a space that feels as genuine as the surroundings in lucid dreams but is completely jumbled.

I also understand that our brains like to recognise human/animal faces so that’s a theme that makes sense. Similarly, we know that the brain likes to create the feeling of an entity as sleep paralysis demons are entities that the brain conceives when in a semi woke state.

I image that similar brain mechanisms result in the entities that are perceived when people are tripping on DMT however, the themes are still a mystery to me.

Why do people so commonly see elf like beings? Why are these beings often naughty/cheeky and why do they often insult people before being friendly to them? Why also do people often say that the “elves” are excited to see them as they don’t often get visitors?

These things seem slightly weird for the brain to so consistently create. Especially the “elves being excited as it’s rare to encounter someone” kind of themes.

I know that many DMT trips are completely different from these experiences but I have heard quite a few now that all say very similar things.

It would be great if anyone could supply me with their own experiences and how they rationalised them or any experiences regarding beings at all as they’re all very interesting and worth considering.

Thank you for any replies.

Got an awkward situation here.

A woman in her early 30s is telling me she wants to try 25ug of LSD as an antidepressant after a series of difficult and ongoing events in her life have left her struggling with depressive feelings. Her intention is to use LSD once a week or fortnight. This has worked well for a friend of hers. This friend put her in touch with me partly because her friend has done this previously at the same time I was trying this approach.

After talking to this woman she told me schizophrenia runs in her family and that she herself experiences symptoms that are classically schizophrenic if she smokes cannabis. In particular, she hears people whispering things about her somewhere in a house if she's alone while high. She ignores these whispers and they don't distress her. They only happen when she's smoked cannabis but not when she has edibles, which may be because the edibles are weaker in strength when she uses them.

I told her I didn't think it was a good idea at all for her to take even mild dose LSD on a semi regular basis if she has schizophrenic symptoms and a family history of the same, or use cannabis at all for that matter. There are other drugs for depression and cannabis seems to be a trigger for her. However, she has told me she's going to go through with it anyway. Her reasoning is that she has taken magic mushrooms a few times, had positive experiences that benefitted her and felt fully normal after they wore off. I said if she's hellbent on using LSD then she should absolutely stop if it brings on schizophrenic like symptoms. I also arranged to be present for her the first time so that she isn't alone that day, or that she at least has the company of someone she trusts and is comfortable with throughout the day.

I'm not happy with this situation. I feel like all I can do is something akin to harm reduction. However, I also don't know much about schizophrenia. Other than the whispering symptom while high on cannabis and the current bout of mild depression that I think almost anyone might have given what she's been through recently, she sounds okay. She seems to maintain a demanding work, home and social life without any troubles.

There isn't much research I can find on psychedelics and schizophrenia, probably because of the assumed risks of doing such research.

I'm not sure what else I can do or advise.

EDIT: Thanks to all who have posted. I very much appreciate your considered responses. I'm going to err on the side of caution and do my best to discourage trying LSD while at the same time trying to find some other ways to help.

Yesterday I took 2 tabs for the first time and had a good experience. I've only done 1 tab trips a couple times before this one. I was looking to learn more about myself and right as I was getting the feeling of letting go I got caught up in something else. I'm looking to take a higher dose next time to try to experience "ego death". Should I take 3 or 4 tabs and is a week appropriate to wait for my next trip? The tabs I have I believe are around 100ug.