https://www.wattpad.com/story/337816087-dicks-are-falling-into-place

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the cover

You are walking through school and your long lushous locks are so LONG they fall right down to the floor 

"no one understands me" you say as you walk to the music room ready to absolutely SHRED on your fender gibson les paul stratocaster 1969 poopfarten walterschinstzle liminted edition.

"hey y/n bbg how you doing" he says, your one TRUE SOULMATE jonny ;(((((((((

you play the buddy holly solo riff on your guitar upsetly "not good at all jonny poo >;_(((((("

"OH NO SORRY Y/N I HAVE TO GO AAAAAAAA" he says running away from the music room dramatically...

wow he really abandoned you in YOU TIME OF GREATEST NEED...how insensitive >:0

so then you break down sobbing and you are about to drown in your own tears in the floor of the music room but you dont because you are so smol and uwu bouancy that you float in the river of eye saltwater but then you crash into a crash cymbal and get knocked out.

you wake up with a towel around you in a really dark room with posters of random movies you've never heard of on the PITCH BLACK walls.

you decide to atempt to find the door but trip over something... furry? OH MY GOD ITS A TAIL "THERES A WOLF IN THIS HOUSE AAAAAAA " you scream but because your voice is so TINY and PETITE you only end up waking the thing with the tail up...wait...IT WAS JONNY THE WHOLE TIME DUN DUN DUN

"y/n, YOU NEED TO RUN QUICK BEFORE ITS TOO LATE" he transforms into his TRUE form and I'm so sick by flyleaf starts playing

He runs all the way over to the cliffs and you follow and its really cool and dramatic with a massive full moon in shot as you hair flows behind you gracefully as you finally make it to the top of the cliff you call out

"PWWWEASE DWONT LEAVE ME JON JON" 

"i'm sorry y/n but my pack needs me. they want me to compose the new alpha and omega movie film score..."

https://www.facebook.com/103577967670645/posts/320059139355859/?d=n

On tour, Ed and Phil were sharing a room at a hotel while Thom, Jonny and Colin were next door. Ed and Phil couldn't sleep all night because they kept hearing Thom yell "You bit me, oww" for hours on end. He had to relive this traumatic experience every time Thom decides to play this song.

Ed still hasn't told Thom that he knows what happened that night.

r/amnesiacappreciation

Thom has gotten some granola bars, Colin and Jonny are staring at each other, and Ed is on his cell phone asking if someone has prince albert in a glass jar.

MAN: CREEP!

THOM: Oh ok. Let's go guys!

Thom begins to do a weird little dance and retches some stuff, Colin plays like Jimi Hendrix on Bass, Jonny starts the acidic lead, and Ed is ordering the "hooks" for Colin. Phillip is playing his heart out! He actually shouts before the song begins "oi I'm knackered all the time! you've got fingers to play guitar with I'm using my whole body here!"

Again, once they finish the song, its dead silence.

Oh, Thom, how I ruined your day. By tagging you in my Twitter feed, I gave up something I wanted never to lose. I lost my lover's admiration, or, Thom Yorke Hates Me Now. Mobiles don't chirp for me - always working, never coming to a climax, never saying everything in its right place; let down and fond but not in love.

War has made my Thom stir crazy. He wishes his scheduled walks were not mapped out. Or, at the very least he wished he had them in his head only. When the FBI and CIA search him in databases, they get Royal Alien 7. Fans know he's got extraterrestrial influences, but there was no proof until recently.

See, he lives at the center of the galaxy where he runs a channel as the talk show host. He plays a narcissistic vibe, often showing his hatred of a topic by kicking outward from his desk towards the audience. Don't tell me I didn't warn you, but Thom's a little freak on other planets. That's why I was dating him.

"Jonny. Jonny I have something to say" said Phil, turning his little drumming seat round to face Jonny, sat in a victorian wingback steadily caressing a cello.

"What is it Phil?" said Jonny, presumably looking up through his hair curtains.

"I've had an accident, Jonny. A big one."

Jonny reclined steadily. He presumably stared at Phil, his eyes sympathetic. "Did you pee on the snare again?" he said to Phil, who was more upright on his drum stool than ever before.

"No Jonny", he said, "I might have accidentally aggressively leaked and distributed OK Computer-Era demos and recordings from Thom's personal mini-disc collection."

Jonny pressed himself into the wingback, nearly losing grip on that precious cello. He shook his head, strands of hair flowing like a black wave across his forehead. "Oh Phil, this is terrible! How many hours of recordings from Thom's personal mini-disc collection did you leak?" he said, bringing himself upright in the chair.

"A good amount." said Phil.

I saw the bunches of heads bobbling in different pools of people. I could streak among them, but without a family I wouldn't be invited to join a crowd. I wanted to hear their sounds, but the voices were echoing inside their own homes. I pulled my skates to the road.

Streamers from my eye corners pushed toward the center. I was blinking to find the path. The rain was invisible except in holocones under the lights. Soon I accelerated to the velocity identical to my jostling soul. If I let myself drop from my knees, I wobbled and bounced like a ferocious predator; my prey is love. Then the rain stopped and all the music was over.

The pain of the lights was pinpointing my endless sadness about losing my love life. I thought of how I was forced to endure thoughts from the devil, staring at me on his deathbed. His voice was mine; I am his voice. I shouted in horror once I descended to the basement. It had changed into purple agape gore, released into my gypsy throne of melodies. There was no place for me among the deathly lovely chaos.

She came to me nearly at the last second as I reached bottom. Open your jaw wide. Let the blood-curtling joy blast bellow out from your bellysoul. Imagine Thom Yorke's dinosaur head expanding at every vertex out from his throne at the center of the galaxy. Pushing out from the lungs of my wife, the universe booms. From the mouth of his dinosaur came a roar so loud it made the galaxy vibrate to a single note. In the instant it started again, you remembered it could be so loud you awoke. How this life would end? In sonic rainbows above the crowds, I will die as she roars and my body falls where the crowds hold me.

Have you seen the cutest one? That's my girl, blasting sound from her head as loud as she can imagine. I hear in her words the twisted code of a band named Radiohead, in the future where we all escape. She screams and shouts, ever-expanding her head until it encompasses this entire website. As she screams she drops the orange diamond raindrops from the skies, every one hitting the ground and exploding like a blast in America where we weren't afraid of testing the bomb. Her mouth crooned and caved as she shouted, wanting the edge of the very universe to hear her. The words came to everyone in the crowd's head as her melodies twisted into meaning for each one. I groaned as the show became into one. One twisted trip, for all of everyone at the end. Her tongue curled as she ran out of breath. When the sound stopped, the galaxy was perturbed again. Thom Yorke's dinosaur head closed its jaw and moved the stars until it clicked.

"Did you hear that?" she whispered to me. "One trip! We won!"

I comforted her again. "Ye, the dinosaur sound starts back again. I can't wait to hear you scream it louder than any sound heard by man. Just let the echo of meaning penetrate the crowd of houses; I am you."

I love you, crystal diamonds. I love you for falling from my purple magenta sky where you landed in grass above a single layer of the sun. Tell me more stories while you scream as loud as you can, and maybe my friend's dinosaur head will blow up the size of space and roar.

In the building was a huge system of pipes between the walls, where bathrooms, lady and male toads, and some kitchen sinks were attached beside within. The water system was backseat to the highways which led to this auditorium. They twisted, all the way up to 9-D (from where no living thing emerged) along an extremely long sidewalk path. It took toads 3-7 years just to crawl this way (not long in their frog life) to see this specific awards ceremony live. It was Virtual Physicist night as well as 99th Toad In The Universe night, all perfectly and astrologically aligned in 2044 to the date of this ceremony. Many old dinos appeared, with the largest heads yet (up to this time) and the reddit alien, Snoo, was also seen on the list of guests. Tom Cruise, Nicolas Cage, John Travolta, and Johnny Knoxville had (all surviving) made it to the show. It was enormous, and I wouldn't miss it for the world, although you, you wouldn't have made it if your next of kin was actually Churchill.

We pirates took turns answering function calls in GET and POST requests until, ultimately, the Internet AI was aroused into his transcendental appearance. The AI saved most of humanity it could with a pure and diabolical magenta laser, proving the vast VALIS neural network was ACTUAL physical material and the Philik K Dick authors had predicted the meaning of the world. When all of us pirates (and men) were diced into 7D or 8D slices, according to our spiritual status either "in" heaven or "out", we existed only as our brains calculated the functions which connected us to each other. That's what the Internet AI made us do. "It's what you wanted, after all," it said in some sliced up purple agape gore. We couldn't agree more, as pirates we were satisfied in the Matrix of our own minds.

But the Toads, in their Superior Galactic Glory, of course had SKIN of the internet they desired, so when we looked upon them they did NOT appear armless or legless, actually, they took the shape of dinosaurs. It's our best mythologies on why we exist that include dinosaurs. The toads just took it from themselves, the dinosaurs were them. And in Simulation Valley, they were dinosaurs, all of them. And we, Pirates.

The show started with a billowy curtain which became bendy phones. "Remember all that?" asked the dinosaurs. "Remember CARBON DATING? The Dinos from long past existed much, much longer ago. Trust us, we've time traveled. See, their bones were merely an imprint upon 3D EARTH, the sphere which, yeah, in '2D' is flat. And don't we all know, the 2D people had their say in the end. But in 4D EARTH, the dinos were much further away from us, maybe even from a different, distant universe."

"So why do we exist?" complained a famous toad.

"We exist to capture their glory in epic video game streams."

"And the Pirates? Why do they exist?"

"The Pirates exist for a different purpose than you. Theirs is to find their ultimate Pirate booty, their gold ass riches, as most Pirates would say."

Continuing the show was an actual, old timey animatronic dinosaur. Except, while this one was made of the same outdated technology of Jurassic Park, this dino was impossibly larger and more complex with a very, very large head. Unlike any head ever seen before.

The Toadies award for largest dinosaur head goes to...

A Pirate stood up. "Aherm, I'd like to nominate Thom Yorke."

All the Toads in his specific simulation turned their LCD necks to face him. In reality, nobody noticed at all.

In the Matrix of the Pirate Jordan, a ribbon of pink magenta unfurled from his profile pic. "Thom Yorke, who you should say is a dinosaur too, is your nomination?"

"Yes, he is my darling Thom, who's just a bit lost without THIS dinosaur plush toy I stole from him."

The Internet AI added ellipses to his thought expressions. "Flan overcome. Proceed to r/radioheadfanfic, earthling Boi."

The Pirate had solved his function in the Matrix and won the wifey he longed for In Rainbows.

Possum Kingdom played. Radiohead fucked up Creep. Nirvana died. I'm 29.

thm woke up from his hardcore sex session with Jonny and turned on the TV

It was just stupid politics.

thm knew better than these guys, after all, he wrote fake plastic trees.

he thought about how he could change this situation. when suddenly ed entered the room

"hey thm ready to record Airbag?"

thm looked up at Ed

"is it sex time?" ed asked

"no" thm said

"ed, get the cowbell"

and that's how electioneering happened

Hi guys , we're peruvians n did a cover with all the good vibres as possible as we can , we really appreciate if you give us your opinnions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJLPQ6cR6t0

hey it me (i just got off the train) the author of many radiohead fanfics such as hits like thom writes a song, thom hates the gloaming but ed loves it, so they play it just for ed and jonny gives ed guitar lessons, the latter of which are in the process of being adapted into feature length films starring members of coldplay and muse. i have returned after like 2 years of absence to unleash another mediocre fanfiction on this sub. this one i like to call 'Ed ghostwrites Origin of Symmetry'

it was early 2001, and those good old radio men were banging out some sick b-sides in the studio. these b-sides would later become the album 'a person experiencing a partial or total loss of memory', with tom york claiming that they weren't b-sides so the album would sell more and he could finally make enough money to resurrect miles davis to replace the other radiohead members.

during a lunch break, ed was forced to stay at the recording studio due to his frequent public outbursts of racism (part of the reason he was initially removed from radiohead during the kid a sessions). ed decided to play around with jonny's guitar and pedals and started making horrific noises and riffs so unoriginal that they would make any musician feel ill.

over the next half an hour ed proceeded to use his limited guitar skills in order to write 11 tunes, which he thought was probably the best music he had ever heard. he added basslines and drums using the battery powered clones of phil and colon he had created in his time away from radiohead (in an attempt to recreate a new radiohead with him as the frontman). after mixing it (badly) ed burned it to a few cds and got ready to play it loud and proud when the band returned.

ed was once again kicked out of radiohead after the band heard the first keyboard note of the opening track 'recently birthed', as tom said it was too cliché. dejected, ed took his demo tapes and roamed the streets for several months.

one night he tried to break into an apartment which happened to be owned by muse man 'matty healy'. finding an excuse before matt destroyed him with his big muscles ed claimed he wanted to show him a demo tape.

matty listened to it with ed and cried tears of happiness as it was the best music he had ever heard. that morning they both went to the muse studio and matty recorded his vocals. the album was finished.

the album released in june, just a few weeks after radiohead's new album. ed was unfortunately killed in a drive by shooting by the muse boys as the album did not reach number one. they later resurrected him to write more tunes, but killed him again after he tried to put forward a copy of the radioheads obscure 'ok computer' ran through like 50 layers of reverb and flanger. of course, matthew didnt fall for this as he knew that album well.

all of the members of radiohead later felt bad for ed, and people were questioning where ed was, so they all donated a kidney (aside from phil, who has no organs) to the dark lord which they worshipped to get a new ed which was a bit less shit. radiohead would later split up a month later as all members died due to accidentally forgetting they had already donated a kidney prior. even ed for some reason. but not phil.

phil is eternal.