The seeker seeks, sees, finds, "Peekaboo, I see you." When it's her turn, 'game's over'. No one wants to find her Never seen. Never heard. Wallflower. The seeker sought, but never found, now she doesn't want to play anymore.

The child bothers the mother in suspense and loath "what have we got to live for?" Asks the kid in store "that's the question everyone has my dear" says the perant her ayes frowning at the floor Its difficult to find something worth dying for let alone to live, so people gain obsessions to fill that hole though it's never satisfied to the brim Though neather have I found the answer to the question unsaid I still haven't called it quits for the unexplored at the and The feeling of amptiness always stays within avoiding the outside So how should one fill the gap of not feeling es much es the other have

How can one be just so majestic and yet so ugly? How is your shiny candy nailart thriving with all the dirt that's underneath? all the shit and the earth that's underneath?

With all the amount of plant based foods and teas and the morning runs , I almost believed that you're actually all that big talk underneath.

That you're really at peace with what was bothering , aren't you? Love marks are sweet until the venom kicks in ,and trust me , violet is really unsettling

Collarbone of a fish , Curls , big dreamy Bambi eyes , right marks , right places , like it was literally like one of those teenage crush movies ( where everything goes right) until it wasn't.

Part -2 Fever Dream

Memories and memoirs on the back wall of the dark room in an abandoned building.

But atleast we were just running? ( I mean , we literally used to explore and find our spots while going for late-night drives and runs )

You came in my lucid dream tonight Acid green were your eyes that made every syllable coming out of that ( lying machine for a) mouth seem to have a meaning.

Danke! Japaneseteamilk_billllllll

I stayed with you until I hated you if that ain’t love idk what is they say love is like a drug but I don’t think I really want it I don’t wanna be addicted I just wanna be lifted wanna feel some love as strong as mine have somebody make me feel beautiful & divine is that too much to ask for in this in time the meaning of love has lost its touch no more connection cause the sex is just enough sharing empty souls with lack of empathy so quick to lend a seed but barely know the depths of me

It wasn’t personal

The lions didn’t hold grudges against the gazelles,

When I lost my mind it was aimless

It wasn’t the pills fault

but I abused them

It was serious,

so true to the action

For the first and last time

I didn’t want words to spill on the page

To explain was laughable

Death never offered its refuge that seductively before

I swallowed those tablets

like my pride when she told me to kneel in that dream.

Fuck

Why do I keep waking up

Lightning splits night. Rock detonates in a thousand shrapnel shards. Momentary day. Seismic energy reverberates through soil, stone, and back again. Ground fissures to mantle, cracks, and jettisons flame. Magma seeps like yolk from an egg. Planet breaks into cosmic rubble. Shattered.

Mask does not slip. Teacup set on table. “I appreciate your feedback.”

(This is a piece about living with trauma and the instability it can create in your identity)

I love your presence

it makes the birds sing and the flowers grow

I too now live, It’s only because of you.

From now on all your fights will be mine

I'll take all the blows, all the wounds

I'll bleed and my love will flow everywhere

slide on the ground,

rise to the sky,

kiss the sun.

Finally this earth will be illuminated by sweetness and beauty

It will be magnificent, but my sacrifice is the least I can do:

I just want to thank humanity for creating you.

Ah fuck it, it isn't war time yet!
My shores remain unreached,
Here, under multicolored lights,
we are beautiful, bouncing bodies.
And in here, where the music is louder
Than all the collisions on some distant land,
We're safe, warm, sexy and drunk!
Oblivious, delirious, our thoughts clouded
And we taste, for just a moment,
Some peace. Release.

Don't get me wrong,
the dread clambers up my throat-
Or did I drink too much?
Is it bile from my stomach?
Seasickness from the violent rocking
Of aimless grief?
I'll take a hit of my friends joint,
Self-medication, it's our therapy.
Most days, I cannot breath,
I cannot eat, it all tastes of copper,
Of the blood shed for me to be so

Apathetic

To the suffering my news feed brings.
I am lucky-

Privileged.

So what's the use of lamentation?
Let the world burn while I rock these heels,
This tight dress, these expensive nails.

I am young! Smokin' hot! Burning
with the fever of urgency.

The hourglass is bottom heavy,
But there's time for one more song.
One more drink! A few more seconds
In our hedonistic spiral
Before we are simply bones and echoes.
Forgotten whisps of a desperate time.
The time before the war.

F1 F2

This is what angels would see.

This is how angels would speak.

Lit up in streets of the city.

Elated heavenly party.

Fall like confetti, its shinin’.

Whirlin’, then trippin’ and jivin’.

Awaited moments to pilot.

Bikin’, I’m bikin’, we pedal.

Your lips, silk cushions, sweet petals.

Your lips, silk cushions, sweet petals.

Whats the real point if we settle.

Counting the seconds to get out.

Poison the well and the meadows.

Then overdo it and panic.

Can’t just undo whats been branded.

Can’t just paint over whats ruined.

Why wish we wouldn’t have wounded.

Why wish we wouldn’t have wounded.

How bout we do what is better.

Focus on what really matters.

A little moment of chatter.

Giving out reasons to come back.

Flashin’ our smiles on contact.

A glimpse, a meeting, a small chance.

Amor just shot a collateral.

Enter the room, all my senses pull.

Plain and so simple, this visual.

Planning on lighting up, set it off.

Band up, bandin’ it up, banded up.

Back again like it was not enough.

Baskets lent florist’s touch, stashed and tucked.

It feels much longer when without you.

The smell of coffee, it covers me.

Nothing like rest in serenity.

Lay my head back, your legs carry me.

Lost in a forest, not going home.

Open, I’m open, I’m ready, touch.

Over and over until the sun.

Over and over until the sun.

Over and over until the sun.

Strummin’ and strummin’ your heavy heart.

Strummin’ and strummin’ your heavy heart.

You are a denizen in my arms.

This is what must feel like lighting stars.

Not even worried to have it all.

I’m not even worried to have it all.

Blushin’, bright red leaves, it smells like fall.

I still see light when theres heavy fog.

A saint with a blessing is what I saw.

Dove wings with soften shells, then you call.

This stack of letters is getting tall.

We been in exchanges for so long.

We’ve been on passing by for so long.

We been in exchanges for so long.

We’ve been on passing by for so long.

i never thought of this

that one day i'll see you leave

faded into endless dreams

and fantasies

i think about you

every single minute

i lost my soul

under your shadow

why don't you just stomp me to death?

i know you like to do that

once i give you a chance

but i won't

because i love you

and i'm scared to lost you

tell me how long

could we a big fault?

i vowed to throw up my soul

just to have you for my own

now i really lost you

you have just pressed a red button

of a massive disgusting storm

to come to your freezing warmth

killing you

in the way you'll never know

there goes spotless smiles

of your red lips and mine

a sun will rise

but my heartbeat won't

Six or twenty, does it matter at all? Born to be silent, to kneel, to crawl. A body to take, a soul to ignore, A life unlived—just locked behind doors.

Would I be loved, as much as my brother? Or just another, unseen by my mother? Taught to obey, to bend, to break, While he walks free—no chains to shake.

The dog limps near, its cries unheard, The cat curls tight, small life deterred. The lizard crawls, its tail now gone, All of us used, all of us pawned.

The rapist smiles, the world stands tall, The victim lies cold—was she here at all? I reach the heavens and whisper in pain, "Make me not woman, not ever again."

I know my friends are tired of hearing ‘remember when’

 But I can’t help it (it’s a comforting compulsion, repeating the emotions)

 The scent of the candle from that night, it’s too sentimental.

 You told me a lie then kissed me goodnight, you told me a lie while bathing

In orange light.

 Well now I’ve lost everything besides blue

 Cause anything, I see has an asterisk with your name next to it.

 I know It doesn’t mean a thing to you.

 250 feet under and it still hasn’t vanished

 You put your heartbeat on my shoulders and it’s still weighing me down

 So ill just stay at the bottom, forgotten,

it doesn’t matter, how can I climb up if no one’s holding the ladder?

I’ve lost everything besides blue, but you, your still glowing orange.

Apparently I was too thick,

To do much at school,

So here I am,

Running out of spit,

The sun a devil,

Staring me down,

A worker in the dirt,

Laying red brick.

-

In a town I don't know,

Work is where I go,

Labouring hands,

Can never be sick.

The house getting dark,

My candle losing wick,

I'll start early tomorrow,

Laying red brick.

-

Ought I feel something,

Beside stark heat,

Unable to sleep,

Those the Gods punish,

First turn brainsick,

I’m only angry,

To be here still,

Laying red brick.

Cataclysm

The only warm thing in that cold living room

The beating heart of he who hopes for the doom No life no soul just an empty cup

Gleaming smile crying eyes wishing pure on this world corrupt

Little boy his mind so numb

Knows everything yet acts so dumb

Created the green with the wish of his mind

Now he sits lonely away from all a place so dark where no angels can find

Echoing voice of his son the play of the devil's prediction

God as he is know waiting for his own extinction

That feeling when you cease to feel

When you know any emotion you have will hurt

And hurt and hurt and hurt

So you cease to have them

You walk and talk and act as if nothing's changed

But you dont feel

When you laugh, you don’t feel

When your friend says he loves you, you don’t feel

When you cry, you don't feel

When you look into her eyes you cant feel

Because you know if you do you'll never heal.

Your stomach is growling, Eat.

Take from me, I have money, You’re still hungry, paper isn’t food.

You seem cold, cold and hungry, My torn shirt, torn off my back- it’s yours, My scars are exposed to the wind.

Growling, you need to eat, Eat my skin, you need it more, Dig your blade into me and quench your thirst.

My friend, my pallbearer- Put me out of my misery.

This isn’t goodbye, As you find others to take from, to replace me- My spirit will keep you company.

You again??

My heart starts to race, Oh no, that's you again. Why me, why me, you again? Not those eyes killing me. -Sumi

As I stand here bones broken and rags worn,
And within I peek.
I wonder, whether it's ME I see,
Or an ENEMY..... of whom I dare not speak.

Before me hangs a mirror, cold, unblinking,
I think.... It watches me. Follows me.
In it, someone stands, staring at me,
Eyes dead, face bare, I wonder who it is I see?

As I meet it's gaze,
It asks, "is this how it was supposed to be?"
Shivers down my spine,
As I say to myself "that voice... IT'S ME"

It grins staring at me,
My mind now glued to the question at hand.
As I search for an answer,
The mirror... It cracks while I still stand.

As it shatters into a million pieces,
Every piece now reflects a memory.
Where was once my own reflection,
Now lies a different story.

So many fragments,
Each a story, but none with a name,
All ask but the same thing,
Who is the enemy, who is to blame,

In one, a dream was broken
Maybe it was just a dream, but wasn't I awake.... And not asleep?
A friend of long, no longer in sight,
Maybe we didn't click. But... about that promise I couldn't keep?

Somewhere, a house lay fallen, in dust and rubble,
Maybe it was the bricks, or the hammer fiercely gripped in my hand?
A heart lay broken,
Maybe it wasn't meant to be, but all the castles we built, were they of sand?

His final words were left unsaid,
Maybe it was the wrong timing, but had I answered the call...?
And the day when all was lost,
Maybe it was bad luck, but then, did I give it my all?

Every piece now breaking into new,
All but ask the same
Is this how it was supposed to be?
Who is the enemy? Who is to blame?

A shard comes flying,
As it pierces my finger, I mourn.
The throbbing pain now travelling through,
With my bleeding finger I paint a name.... MY OWN

“Too Many Thoughts.”

When the day comes,

When the night ends,

Would anything change?

Could I change?

Thinking thoughts that,

I never wanted to think,

Thoughts that I never thought,

Yet they pull me to the brink.

Running away,

Yet always behind,

Running, not grasping,

Living, not thriving.

All the pain,

I just can't take,

Met only with more,

My Unbecoming.

Am I to process?

Am I to learn?

Am I to live?

Or to die?

I feel the light,

Shining on my face,

Yet I cannot see,

What Am I?

Maybe I’ll know,

Maybe it’ll get easier,

Maybe I’ll see,

Maybe I can get better.

Screaming in silence,

In cold winds,

Sanity, slowly fading

I wish I could float away,

Wasting time on thoughts,

Wishing my head to be clear,

Yet I cannot be transparent,

Yet I cannot be honest.

Perhaps It’s who I am,

Or it’s who I become,

Perhaps I could escape

Or I could fight back.

This grief I carry, soft yet strong,

a love that lingers, though she's gone.

Not lost to time, not out of sight,

but just beyond my reach tonight.

She'd love the art I've made today,

the strokes of light, the skies of gray.

And though she's not here to see,

I paint as though she's watching me.

I miss her laugh, her touch, her voice,

the way she made my heart rejoice.

The way she showed me love was true,

not something earned, but given too.

From our first night, I knew so fast,

some loves aren't meant to fade - they last.

Not just in time, but in the thread,

that ties two souls, though words go unsaid.

I never loved her for what she gave,

or fleeting things that time might save.

I loved her for the way she smiled,

soft and bright, so free, so wild.

And though she walks another way,

her presence haunts my every day.

Not as sorrow, not as pains,

but as a love that still remains.

For love like this does not just end,

it lingers in the air, my friend.

In quiet nights, in songs we knew,

in silent echoes, where love once grew.

She is not here, but still she stays,

in memories that never fade.

In every brushstroke, every hue,

a part of me still waits for you.

Phantoms line the sidewalks,

shrouded in neon.

Along the gravel paths

and abandoned railroad tracks,

echoes of

unfathomable emotion

and viscera

have become neglected.

Hands held together,

howling against

pliable cruelty

and plastic perspectives,

they observe.

Carried by the wind,

their tears

become merchandise.

Pain to be

peddled and exploited,

callously packaged

and misunderstood.

Comrades of detritus

unknowingly prepare

to take their place.

Smiling in

naive violation as

the chain fastens.

Disregarding direction,

while the

noose tightens.

Heedless changing

of the heedless guard.

Looming,

they beg

"Please.

Don't become us"

Electric hums and static

acknowledge the dirge

... and then they are gone.

https://imgur.com/a/BM8He7G

Kiss lightly and whisper good night for the day is ending and night will come

Dark is the night and the world is calm

Let us embrace the peaceful dream of childish fantasy and awaken renewed and refreshed

~~Would you still love me if I was a worm?~~!

Don't ask stupid questions, I hate things that squirm. 

~~I would still love you if you were a tree. I’d water you every day, it'd be happy ~~!

If I were a tree, that wouldn't be me. 

~~Of course you would, that's what I said you would be~~!!

~~Do you love me, or is it my bod-yyy?~~!!

~~ Or is it the voice that calls you a hott-iee? ~~!!

Would you still love me if I was a train? What if I was a bomber who blew up a plane? ~~!!

Keep asking these questions, I'll turn to a tree. One with poisonous cherries and dangerous leaves. 

~~I'll eat up your cherries and have them with tea! I’ll get paralyzed, I just hope you can see! I hope you're the person I thought you would beeeeee ~~!!

Shut up you annoying rat. I don’t like you being paralyzed, and you make me uncomfortable. I'm leaving. The prepondernace of scientific evidence shows our personhood being emergent from a complex system of neural networks within our brains. The brains of worms are far from capable of being able to support human consciousness. 

fruit

we sway in the wind. but i grasp the air in hopes it can sweep me from this branch. this branch- preserving the purity of my skin- is forced to let me fall.

i rip from the loosening grip of my cluster. a wound on my side- evidence of a new chance gifted by violent departure. i feel the air on my palms.

i smash into the ground and roll through the mud. filth covers my face. i gaze up to the branch- my past shimmers in the glaring sun.

a blue bird flies over. its beauty exerts itself effortlessly over my grime. its freedom parades in front of my regretful eyes. i lay here in this mud, hardening on my skin with the heat of the sun, and signal to the bird.

recognizing my flare, she glides to my side and picks me apart. as i lay here - opened up to this beast - i listen to her speak. her tongue mumbles a foreign language, one that doesnt wish things away a language learned from experiences, observed in her fulfilled juvenility.

when all that is left is the muddy skin on my back, i sink into the earth. decaying for more time than i ever spent on a branch. why would i ever excuse myself from youth to preserve my expiration? i forfeit my experience then, to gain a lonely breath here.

That field

Its soft grass revealed by some long forgotten light

Near trees, tall and dignified, rest their weary branches

Waiting for summer to stand tall again

And I see that oak tree, scarred, bruised, barren

The one with the dirt undeath, where only we know

And, instinctively, I look down

But you are not here anymore

The house

Thin and narrow walls caked in dust and rot

The tall staircase, steps just a bit too steep

And the nearby shouts of people in the distance

I go to your room, and see your pictures on the walls

I lie on your bed

And, instinctively, I reach my arm out

But you are not here anymore

Myself

Tired and cold

Afraid

Not because you are gone

But because I cannot remember you anymore

Not for who you really were

Some nights

I look feverishly for you

Until my mind is dirt like the field

Rotted like the house

I fear one day soon

I will not find you

You will not be here anymore

He stood no chance in this wretched hella phantom bound by unseen chains but he was desperate for hope his father a distant shadow the knot of fate relentlessly constricting Never praised never loveda hollow husk where warmth should festerhow could a soul grasp lovewhen it had only ever seen cruelty's face?The black sheep of a rotting family treea distinct voice that whispered failureeach misstep a twisted knife searing and raw. Two souls he dared to holdone crumbled to dust when he was but a child In adulthood he snatched at flickers of a beautiful emerald green light fragile embers in a storm of darknessbut the boy carried only the weight of wrongsthe heavy shroud of never getting it rightThen that hue of green light flickeredextinguished in the bitter voidleaving behind a shell of flesh and bone dreams reduced to cinders in his graspStruggling through a life of relentless agonya puppet on strings of his own unravelingtaunted by echoes quiet whispers of a cruel tone“You’ll end up like your father,swinging from that gnarled oak tree.” now comprehending the venomous cursethat choked his spiritthe knot had always remained tighta noose woven from blood and anguishstrangling dreams suffocating hopebinding him to a legacy of defeatforever entwined to a world he was never meant for his final offering was to leave his heart by the emerald light before the final leap

I wear the cords around my neck like jewelry.

I cry my tears as if I could drain the whole sea.

Mommy will be terrified by what she’s about to see, While dad falls to his knees, ready to plead.

Sorry, Mom

Sorry, Dad

Who knew a lottery ticket could buy you a lifetime payment?

Xin lỗi mẹ,

Xin lỗi cha,

For spoiling the seed buried inside me.

Better luck next time— At least now, I’m free.

Picture the way the world was

Before the whore of Babylon

Evergreen jewels of iridescent light and leaves of auburn whispering between the haggard breaths of the beasts of the field.

Before unnatural tendrils in rain soaked sidewalk creeped into the unnatural scaffolding of mind and heaven

And from that heaven manifest as penis-like missiles into unconquered territory, the bush, no man’s land, the great unknown.

The big secret is not so secret

Giddy-up pony boy, you too will learn to love the glow of mushroom-tip fire

You too will forget the rivulets of atmospheric ocean, moving damp grass, cotton tails, pine needles, cardinal feathers, and unwashed hair into a single misty yawn.

Or forget the sun after summer rain, the smell of wet earth, kissing your cheeks as you fall asleep under blankets of stars, lulling mountain streams, chill breaths casting figures in the fog

old bumper stickers dog shit oak leaves moonlight Christmas trees sacraments - boiled eggs dipped in oil and parsley the evil eye war games real wars real shit

falling asleep on your father’s chest - you couldn’t possibly remember but you feel it, don’t you?

The big secret may not be so secret

Forests cannot fight forests

Lamb cannot sacrifice lamb

And you can’t take the fire back

The goose won’t fit in the bottle

So you sigh, you put your tail in your mouth and start chewing

If only it was standing.

Our offerings wouldn’t go unanswered.

So queer is it thy personage a burden should it carry me taking flight as sordid mount crisp & toppling azure.

For my woes a laden crown upon me that moment not minding second should snuff & blot star light tucked under covers to bed without supper.

Alas fair madam you have gum on thy shoe now pointing at my bent toiling in attendance on present affairs.

Anticipating purchase postal notes that upon me dawn I owe my lament at rest awaiting sentence a judgment of thy forgiveness in my hand writ.

Questions to actions answered in view of my behavior.

As is I coming back through the door a dour affair.

In supposition I see needing to shoulder it for again you found a new lodging for another part stealing it away from my line of sight.

Split twain in even halves expectant with hope a change come blowing through the window lofting in us a difference in the day to day we so frequently inhabit with our dole habits.

Whence thy yawn squalled menace is cherry in repeat with eyes ablaze a cast of daggers conspires to lay me under stone daily when inquiring of it how much was mine.

Taken as I robbing you at hold up from the stage & ball you up in keep of ransom once fiduciary complete make me dead to you.

In its flint pitched face past the lichen sat lettered "Only asking" my response & I beneath it.

Be it in any other than that it is that I in turn bare the part lacking its purchase seeing now you would snatch indiscriminately at the items taking whole & complete the all of it thyself.

For as much as I’ve lain my part to it be received back effective that vantage capital of gated mansions.

For oft will I do, will I then throw red handed lighting a viper hissing in spirit it’s truth that while in keep a horde hath you sowed stole away one land over.

So now I set tracking you traveling in it belated & absent hence forth an ardent sanctuary to attend thine cadavers needs until next weeks payday.

I want to hold the hand that guides you;

I want to reach into the candle,

I hope to be, when you’re not there.

Your presence inside a four leaf—

Clover.

Something to hold when you’re not—

There.

Blossoming through,

Without a fear.

Made in two,

Made for you,

Made in two.

I want to creep into your shadow;

I fade away when you’re not there,

I want to ease into your canvas,

To feel all of your—

Threads.

Made in two,

Made for you,

Made in two.