Conclusion:

This is the 3rd and final Part. You can find Parts I and II HERE and HERE respectively.

I read it so you wouldn't have to; 324 pages of God's word spoken through contemporary prophets with a singular running theme of Donald Trump's 2020 re-election being divinely secured by forces well beyond our capacity to understand.

Imagine you actually believed it was true. Imagine being so certain of this as an inevitability that no other reality could possibly make sense. How would you explain Joe Biden? How would your certainty affect your perception of the Capitol Riot? How would you answer people who asked you if you might have been wrong?

Love Joy Trump is an artifact of the QAnon movement whose compiler selected her material seemingly with very few parameters. The only common denominator is hope. Each of the contributors to Love Joy Trump justify the certainty of Trump's 2020 re-election with purely metaphysical means, and what makes this book unique is that it is not shy about admitting that without faith in this result it would be hard to believe in it. The months leading up to the 2020 election were filled with uncertainty amidst the height of the Covid pandemic, and whether Trump was ultimately going to win or not was irrelevant to how certain that outcome might be considered - it was not certain, and to someone living in an alternate reality where absolutely everything on the news is fake and the world is run by a pedophilic "Cabal" of Satan-worshippers, that certainty was a psychologically necessary.

From the outside looking in, the resulting product of BethAnon's work is madness. The audience this book is written for is the same audience who is likely to believe that Trump actually did win re-election in 2020 and Joe Biden is either an AI-generated hologram or a clone. They might believe that in Trump's secret second term, he executed Hillary Clinton to please Jesus, and that Guantanamo Bay holds nearly every familiar politician within its walls awaiting their own executions on live television. These are actual QAnon beliefs.

So if the only way to have been right all along is for all of that to be true, why shouldn't it be up to Ashtar Command or Christine's "Ascended Twin Flame Andre whom she knew as a cousin till he passed away in 1972?" If nothing you ever believed to be true ever was, except that God exists and loves you almost as much as he loves Donald Trump, are "Star seeds," "lightworkers," or "Reptilians from the Draco constellation" really so far fetched?

This book was a slog but it was an oddly rewarding read, especially when it all culminates with its hundreds of pages of Evangelical prophesies being discarded abruptly in favor of honest-to-God interdimensional aliens defying the laws of physics in the name of peace, love, and the Constitution of the United States. I didn't see it coming.

This book, by the way, is entirely serious. As I was telling others about the experience of reading it, I was asked multiple times if this was a joke. It is not a joke. It takes itself fully seriously and if anyone contributing within it is simply trolling us, they pulled it off spectacularly.

Some part of me has always been fascinated by such fervent delusions. It may be the result of my upbringing as a staunch fundamentalist Christian who will never be fully recovered. It may be mere morbid curiosity. It is made easy by the psychological distance I perceive to be between myself and someone who would write this:

"Around the middle of Barack Obama's second term, I began to hear from several ministers that their congregations (of different denominations) had begun to spontaneously and fervently pray for our country. These were not generic 'God Bless America' prayers; they were heartfelt anguish over America's drift from God's Truth and way, begging for God's mercy and grace to give us another chance." - Garret Ward Sheldon, Love Joy Trump page 259

Anguish is a very strong word. It's the sort of emotional sensation you might experience if you accidentally ran over a child with your car, or if your spouse were to be diagnosed with a terminal illness. To be so committed to one's syncretized 'politicoreligion' as to experience anguish over the re-election of Barack Obama, and believe the anguish you feel to be a measure of punishment, is not something former Evangelicals have to imagine. It is, for many of us, a core memory. Love Joy Trump is an artifact in this way as well - it documents the thoughts of a somewhat diverse range of fanatics, some of whom may be relatable to yourself in some prior time.

Is there a takeaway here? Arguably not a cohesive one. This is not, after all, a cohesive book. For Mike Lindell to introduce one to a drudging tome of mostly-transcribed prophetic political drivel, all to be led to some imagined 5th dimension in which Trump actually did win the 2020 election and everything is secretly right with the world thanks to the woo woo of spacemen, is an experience no reader deserves. For all I know, I was this book's only reader.

This book may have spoken more to me than it would to you. In some alternate reality, maybe in Christine's 5th dimension governed by the Galactic Federation of Light, I may have ended up as one of these people. That perceived "psychological distance," as I named it, may be illusory. I often suspect it is. Have you ever seen someone you otherwise respected fall face-first down a non-sensical rabbit hole? It, strangely, happens to the best of us. If you must find an established point to Love Joy Trump, try reading it as a cautionary tale of what your life may look like if only you surrender your skepticism.

I found my copy to be unexpectedly signed by BethAnon. It's possible that they all are. And it's going to sit on my shitlit shelf right next to "Breadtube Serves Imperialism" and "Qanon: An Initiation to the Great Awakening" where it belongs. It gets 2 stars from me, because in the end the journey through the interdimensional war between the Galactic Federation of Light and the Dark Ones made it worth it, barely. It just... doesn't take a couple hundred pages of spoken Evangelical prophesies to win a galactic war.

A Message from Ashtar Command:

My favorite chapter in this entire book is "Archangels & Ascended Masters: A Synthesis of Presidential-Election Prophecies," and it's not close. Just before Love Joy Trump closes out with a list of "truthers" and Trump quotes, we are given a Biblical reframing of the hopelessness in Trump's 2016 election bid: intervention on a GALACTIC scale.

Prophesies must be fulfilled, or they aren't genuine prophesies. Love Joy Trump doesn't leave us hanging in this regard - the hundreds of pages of prayerful right-wing appeals to heaven all lead up to this moment where the tangibility question is answered at the low, low cost of our grip on reality.

Christine Preston, with the help of Mother Mary, the "Archangel Michael and her Ascended Twin Flame Andre whom she knew as a cousin till he passed away in 1972," has been in contact with Ashtar Command. Ashtar Command, as I explained in Part I, is the air division of the Great White Brotherhood, which are affiliated with the Galactic Federation of Light. The depth of this affiliation is not explained.

Christine is in on "The Plan," as Q would say, and has dutifully transcribed and dated all communications she has received from the aforementioned heroes on the astral plane. On 18 February, 2016, Archangel Michael warned Christine of great upheaval to come in the United States. This came as a great surprise to her, because she's British. What did not bring great surprise to her was Archangel Michael contacting her at all, which is apparently a common occurrence.

"This turn of events will be deserved by those who have betrayed the trust of a Nation that was to be an example of democracy with a Constitution inspired by Saint Germain, and so dear to his heart... Mankind must be freed from its misconceptions, its mind set, and place its feet upon the path of enlightenment to recreate a civilization that will be represented in the Galactic Federation of Light. A new Gaia and golden age will then be recreated. We are all working together in unison, in a sacred relationship, to achieve this goal."

Only 10 days later, Christine was able to establish communication with the mother of Jesus Christ, Mother Mary, who confirmed that 9/11 was an inside job.

Christine heard from Archangel Michael again on 8 March of the same year. By this point, the war was already underway. Michael explained that the battlefront of the war for Earth's membership in the Galactic Federation of Light was...

"...in the psyche, but before explaining something about this I would like to mention that the forces of darkness, on the astral plane, are still attempting to sabotage the Ascension process and to influence political leaders, the Establishment, the military, and other groups in the financial and business sectors of the big Corporations, to avoid complying with the orders imposed upon them by the Forces of Light to go ahead with a program of Disclosure concerning truths that have been suppressed for more than a century."

ARE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT YET???

"This is taking place behind the scenes of the political scenarios and you may feel that they make no sense any more. A phase of transition with changes on the political front and financial system will also be initiated, and it will take place because of some events in the USA that will affect the whole world in the sense that as a result the adverse influence from the astral world will be greatly lessened."

If this is where our story ended, Christine and I would still have a lot of questions. We would have been expecting a near immediate shift to 4th density, for instance. The war effort demands it, you see. Thankfully, Archangel Michael cropped back up to explain exactly why this hadn't happened yet. Christine said:

"Then on March 18, Archangel Michael spoke of something that would happen before it was called the shift to 4th density and explained that some of the events expected in 2012 had not taken place.

'we wanted to convert more souls to a higher frequency of vibration so they could continue to exist on Earth. This is a world in transition and it is being lifted up to a higher dimension in the sense that physicality will still exist but in an exalted way, much like what you think of a Garden of Eden, or Paradise. So on September 28 2015, something that had been expected to take place in December 2012, finally happened.'"

Well, that helped a little. But it's not the full picture. We now know why the Galactic Federation of Light would hesitate to make a major move, but not why they were hesitating in exactly this case. Despite the uncertainty, Christine didn't back down, even if there were unspecified setbacks in the galactic plan. Finally, on 22 March, Christine received word directly from headquarters:

"Dear ones, this is an Alert from Ashtar Command. We are approaching a time of difficulty because of the planetary adjustment that will take place with the process of Disclosure. The Earth has entered a most dense area of the Ring of Light that is called the Photon Belt, and the entire Solar System is being buffeted by electro-magnetic waves."

It ALL makes sense now! Ashtar Command elaborated further that the electro-magnetic waves are...

"...instrumental to the Great Awakening as the photonic light and gamma rays... are stripping the psyche of mankind of negative elements in much the same way as the circles and swords of Blue Flame of Archangel Michael, as well as of the Elohim Hercules and Astrea."

The amazing Archangel Michael had managed to get this message through to Christine even though he was at war with negative waves! Ashtar Command went on to state that Earth was to play a role in the manifestation of the Divine Will, and that "we were close to the goal because the planetary body had been swept by a flux of energy..." and with that, it sounded like the tide had turned!

But we weren't out of the woods yet, it seemed. Ashtar Command was able to describe the enemy's plans directly to Christine:

"They have tried various tactics to create a global conflict and weaponize space... They intended to use their holographic technology to stage an alien invasion such as the one of 'Independence Day' or 'The War of the Worlds.' They are being kept under surveillance of the Galactic Federation of Light and Ashtar Command would not allow it."

Ashtar Command ended their transmission by stating that "some replacement in power, in just a few months from now" would create favorable conditions for Disclosure; a keystone to entering the Golden Age as a planetary member of the Galactic Federation of Light. So close, yet so far. But hope was not yet dead.

On 29 March, Archangel Michael returned, evidently from his battle with negative waves, to inform Christine that...

"...Disclosure would take place God's Way and there would not be any delays. He explained again that the forces of darkness have created scenarios to create wars and are still attempting to incite conflicts, but are failing. He also said that the two first Waves of souls functioning in the realm of awakened consciousness were influencing the Media and political scene."

Nearly a month went by; a month for the Forces of Darkness to continue inciting conflicts to prevent humanity from ascending. We readers again face the grim reality that the Galactic Federation of Light's victory in the war for Earth's membership may not succeed, considering all the negative waves out there. But just when hope seemed lost Donald Trump was revealed, by none other than Christine's Ascended Twin Flame Andre, to be in on The Plan!

"About the Presidential Elections we are still saying that Donald Trump is going to win them. Of course, it's a very delicate matter to make such a prediction where you stand, but we have seen the certainties in the timelines. There is a situation with who is pulling the strings in the political scenes of the world... If the dark ones, the Illuminati, or Cabal, attempt to control him by threat, blackmail, or anything of the kind, we will be intervening with Ashtar Command, the air division of the Great White Brotherhood."

Andre also stated that The Cabal was being given the chance to "turn to the Light," and that the Galactic Federation of Light was officially endorsing Donald Trump because the Earthling leader would need to "possess great strength and stamina in the present circumstances." Unfortunately, the war was about to shift to a more physical theater - the political system of the United States, where Trump would have to fight the Establishment while the Galactic Federation of Light continued to assault the Dark Ones on the Astral Plane. Andre also clued Christine in on the significance of this turn of events.

"The Elections will play an important role in the changes that will not only transfigure the American Continent, but the whole world. The Earth is the planet that as to play a key role in the Ascension to bring physicality to a higher place."

Both the Astral and Physical theaters of the war continued their lively violence, the fate of Earth relying on the success of both Donald Trump and Ashtar Command. We could not afford a single mistake in these dire times. But sometime between Christine's Ascended Twin Flame Andre's last visit, and 29 April 2016, the Forces of Light experienced a breakthrough and were able to predict victory on the physical plane. Archangel Michael contacted Christine and delivered the news personally:

"The World is emerging into a better reality in which America will become the example the founding Fathers wanted it to be. It was Saint Germain's dream, and he is causing it to unfold at the moment, as the Dark is on the run."

We weren't out for the count yet, and nobody had counted on the great Saint Germain's personal involvement in the war. The Saint who inspired the Constitution had finally arrived on the battlefront. Christine addressed the public directly to update the people of Earth on the current status of the physical theater of the war:

"On May 5th, Mother Mary gave me a message entitled 'Prophesy regarding the Elections.' I had 35 videos published at the time and now the number is 83... I would like to inform you that on 28 February, I received a message from Mother Mary saying that Donald Trump will be the elected president. I didn't hesitate to post the message on my Facebook page..."

Christine fully briefed the public about her communications with her Ascended Twin Flame Andre, Archangel Michael, Mother Mary, and Ashtar Command, letting us know that Trump's victory was now certain in 2016, because the Forces of Light needed him to take on the Establishment, and that they did not choose him arbitrarily:

"They are not supporting him because he happens to be aligned with the Divine Will. No, it's like he has incarnated for this mission..."

Continuing to assure the public of inevitable victory, Christine went on to recount the transmissions she had received from Mother Mary, only this time it was about three times longer for some reason. Between May and June, Christine's Ascended Twin Flame Andre informed her that Trump had won the necessary delegates! IN MAY, 6 MONTHS BEFORE THE ELECTION! "Once the strings of control are totally severed the Leaders of the Nations will be freed to make changes to spread peace around the world," he said, also stating that the elections were particularly crucial "because it was the nefarious activities of the War Industries that caused the decline along the lines plotted for many decades by the Dark Forces."

By June, Christine was informing the public that she was making videos to disseminate symbolism to help in the war effort, since the American and British elections would only be the tip of the iceberg - a lot needed to be done before Disclosure. Christine had also begun to receive messages directly from Saint Germain himself:

"Saint Germain conveyed to me the idea that the individuals opposing and fighting the Establishment... are taking a hard beating. Certain Ascended Masters are connected with this struggle. So Saint Germain has asked me to make calls for those who are fighting a battle for Freedom and see if a video with some prayers can be produced. He is the Hierarch of this New Age of Aquarius and of Freedom."

Dutifully, Christine produced the requested video and began to rally the troops herself. She had gone from a simple recipient of messages to an officer in the Forces of Light, supported by Ashtar Command and Mother Mary. Christine, friend of the Archangel Michael, Twin Flame to her cousin Andre, and prayer warrior in an unholy war for Earth's membership in the Galactic Federation of Light, prepared a public address with the passion and conviction of Q himself, rolling back the curtain and revealing the true identity of Donald Trump who had won his first election 6 months in advance:

"Donald Trump will be President by destiny. He is a soul extension of Saint Germain, who is an expert in creating wealth and has a momentum of Light that permits him to win any battle or confrontation with the Dark ones. Keep in mind that extensions, or incarnations or great beings such as Masters, Archangels, and Star seeds, are still veiled and do not possess memory of who they are. I have permission to release this information at this time as we know there is no need to keep this a secret from Lightworkers any more. Saint Germain is the Hierarch of the Aquarian Age and is involved with the Project of Peace, Prosperity, and recreation of civilization, which will propulse [sic] mankind, and this planet, in a golden age era. He was the one who shouted 'Sign that document!' when the Founding Fathers hesitated and were about to introduce the Constitution, Bill of Rights, etc, in 1776... As we have said before, the time ahead is one of Disclosure and then of Transition, with healing and teaching, as well as contacts and great encounters with inner and outer types. We will be able to meet when you have reached a higher level than the present one upon which you dwell.

"Ahead and beyond 2016 is a time of reconstruction, of enlightenment, of teaching, of the creation of a new Gaia, a time of Great Disclosure to continue unveiling suppressed truths and discovering new spiritual Science, a time of using new technologies. It's a time when many will be busy with their sacred labors and a time of great discoveries in preparation for a destiny greater and more wonderful than you can yet imagine. It is one of Reunion of twin flames and of other relationships too, of Peace, and of growth, one of Great encounters and of supernatural experiences as you are all progressing upon the path of Ascension, and are discovering the wonders of your inner Selves...

"We are having a revolution in spirit and consciousness. The liberation comes from the 7th Ray of Saint Germain, and the impulse of cosmic energies projected to Earth in this Age of Aquarius, the Hierarch of which is Saint Germain, who has been known for centuries as the Count of Saint Germain and has a reputation as the 'man who never dies.'

"The Violet Transmuting Flame also is the energy of forgiveness that erases the records, their causes, cores and memories. Its liberating effects will also cause the restoration of the Rights relating to every human being in this time of Transition to a Quantum Leap to the Fifth Dimension... The Master Jesus explained that the group of souls which had not yet been anchored in the 5th dimension, as far as consciousness, perception, attitude, or spirituality, goes, would be fished in a net of the 5th dimension by waves of the photonic light by the end of the year, and he asked our motto be 'Broadcast Love.'"

And there we have it. Had it not been for Ashtar Command holding back the Forces of Darkness on the Astral Plane, the Forces of Light on Earth could never have beaten the Establishment. Had Saint Germain not incarnated as Donald Trump to beat the Establishment, Ashtar Command could never have held back the Forces of Darkness on the Astral Plane. All had fallen into place exactly as Saint Germain had planned, and while victory could not officially be declared until the war was won once and for all, thanks to the valiant war reporting of Christine and her rallying of prayer warrior patriots worldwide, we certainly would have admitted defeat by now.

Not all heroes fight the bad guys in the streets. Sometimes, you have to take them down on Facebook and YouTube. Christine realized that, and with the help of the scribe BethAnon you can now rest assured that the Astral Plane is safe thanks to none other than Donald Trump. When you are telling your children about this some day, and they ask you what it was like, remember to tell them that we won "bigly" as you give them a thumbs-up, and remind them to "Broadcast Love" as Master Jesus commands.

Conclusion notes are in Part III.

I should have known I was inviting all manner of "starseeds," "prophets," "twin flames," and Mike Lindell into my life when I opened this book. Did you know that Donald Trump is the rightful heir to the throne of Scotland, England, Ireland, AND Israel? Did you know that the entertainment industry is based on "African sun worship and Congo dances?" And did you know that "Presidential elections are a catalyst for the harvesting of souls in the end times?" I didn't, but I sure as hell do now!

https://preview.redd.it/fbehdb2nn8zc1.jpg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eee7f3d124a630453fe3c68523126593b2662696

Many a fundamentalist Christian had already explained to me why Donald Trump was going to win re-election in 2020. That much I was clear on, and there is a *lot* of that in this book. But I was entirely taken aback when I was abruptly informed that that Trump's initial 2016 election had been enforced by the Galactic Federation of Light's Ashtar Command, the air division of the Great White Brotherhood. But all things worth having take time to attain, and it took a few hundred pages of prayers, meandering essays, copypastas from obscure websites, and open letters from God himself to finally find out how the Ashtar Command managed to secure Trump's election at all. For the first time ever, I intend to break this into multiple parts simply because Ashtar Command deserves its own section. You'll see why.

Love Joy Trump contains two separate forwords, the first of which was written by Amanda Grace, a prophetess who frequently speaks for God on YouTube. Mike "Pillow" Lindell follows with his own introduction. The former compares Trump to King David, while the latter compares him to King Cyrus. I won't bore you with the details, but these Bible characters share essentially no similarities. Regardless, Lindell is emphatic that "we must win... to reelect President Donald John Trump whose name literally means 'World leader under the Grace of God who excels and triumphs.' That's pretty clear, isn't it?"

If you, like me, are not convinced by the etymology of Trump's name alone that the aforementioned imperative is "pretty clear," maybe Trump's energy in general will persuade you? Lindell offers this very solution: "Faith without works is dead and President Trump is the perfect example of that with an energy and purpose that can only be considered divine."

Yeah, that sentence didn't really make sense to me either.

Once you've read two separate forewords you will then find yourself reading two separate introductions as well (only one of which is aware it is an introduction), both authored by "BethAnon," the compiler of this book. And then the prayers, prophesies, and transcribed Trump speeches begin. BethAnon's 9 personally written pieces are littered randomly throughout the collection, which is comprised of 44 in total. That's about 1 in 5, and she is arguably the least interesting writer in this book. Be warned.

So, what are the contents?

Love Joy Trump sends the reader through a genuinely uncurated mess of Dominionist theology with drips and drabs of New Age nonsense, nearly all of which claim to be the transcribed voice of God speaking through the chosen recipients of his secret ambiguous messages. God seems to have some trouble choosing a consistent style of speech, and frequently ends his divine sentences with "thus saith the Lord," "says the Lord your God," etc. Here are some excerpts, emphasis is my own:

"And God says, they will say, 'We hated her, but now we love her.' For she shall take the oil of healing and pour it upon the scars of those left and those right and of the new party that has come forth and emerged, where they shall say, 'Christ will reign and we shall not implement socialism at all.'" - Kim Clements, potentially referring to herself.

As you can see, God has a way of having the EXACT opinions of those who speak for him. Here's an example:

"He wants to do what is right. He wants to stop the slaughter of the unborn! He wants the right of freedom of speech-back again! He does not want the transgender agenda! It is an abomination!**" - Elisheva Elijah

The Lord works in mysterious ways, as you're about to see. Elisheva goes on to demonstrate the weird epistemology of prophesy in action in what I believe to be a transcription of a livestream of some sort:

Elisheva: "Oh yeah! Katherynyah had visions!"

Katherynyah: "I was asking her [Elisheva] if I should share what I saw, just a couple of things. I saw her [Elisheva] bowing before YAHUSHUA and HE had HIS Hand on her Head."

Elisheva: "Oh! Thank you! I needed that!"

Katherynyah: "And then..."

Elisheva: "Well Ezra's right there, wherever I am."

Katherynyah: "So I'm listening and I see a loaf of white bread with the top and it has pepper on it. And the top, is scraped off. I think it represents Donald Trump - like the top, maybe half an inch section scraped off and it's white underneath. Does that make sense?"

Elisheva: "Yeah! It's taking a layer of pepper-"

Katherynyah: "-but there's pepper on top which is dark spots, you know?"

Elisheva: "Yeah. Well, yeah."

Katherynyah: "But understand it's white. So we do, we lift him up to YOU FATHER."

If the Bible had been written by podcasters, this might be what it would look like. As a side note, I highly recommend you check out Elisheva's website. It's something else.

The Lord goes on to warn us about the dangers of paganism and abortion, and predicts that Israel will fully recover her ancient territory. The Lord endorses Trump every few paragraphs no matter who he is speaking through, and says "I have chosen you, Mr. Trump, and you will be a leader to many, not just of your own people, but of the world." God has the good sense to warn China and the entire continent of Africa that they face an impending invasion by the "Armies of Heaven" who will take "the kingdom" by force. Trump is predicted to be the hero of nearly every tale told in the future; the hero worship will make your jaw drop.

"Is it possible that one-day Trump may be remembered as the man who 'Made America Great Again' and revered by Christians as 'the Great?'" - Blaise Joseph

The politics are predictably shit. In one of BethAnon's screeds, she explains with full honesty the concept of Manifest Destiny in a chapter titled the same:

"It was based on a divine right of the American people to bring civilization and enlightenment to other races..."

Separation of Church and State also comes up:

"'What about separation of church and state?' That's bogus. There is no such thing as separation of church and state. If there is such a thing it means that the government should not stick their nose into the church." - Rodney Howard-Browne, having his cake and eating it too.

Rodney goes on to explain that the first ever megachurch was the US Capitol, and that the Marine Band "did the praise and worship."

So, what is all this? Love Joy Trump is a pandemonic cacophony of mutually exclusive messages from God himself, mixed with the occasional commentary from people who don't seem to actually know anything, all delivering the same message over and over and over again: Donald Trump is going to win re-election in 2020. In hindsight, none of these people should have any credibility. A complete moron could transcribe some podcasts at random, copy and paste poorly written articles off the internet, and as long as your Google searches had a theme you would create a product of identical quality.

Along the way, you may accidentally copy some content that is really out there. Such as this part, in a chapter titled "How We Realized Trump is Leading Our Earth into the Golden Age" by Lindsay and Conner, where the "Global Earth Alliance" overthrows the New World Order by loving one another, the Mayan calendar cycle ending in 2012 signaled the end of the 26000 year dark age, and the International Monetary Fund is controlled by Reptilians from the Draco constellation.

If this is your thing, you are invited by the authors to "look from the knowing of oneness and equality through the Archontic Artificial Intelligence programs into the spirits and hearts of the Annunaki [sic] "Royal" Bloodlines (Vampires of myth), Set (Ancient Egypt), Satanic (Masonic), The Draco Reptilians (Demons), and the Sirian Wolfen beings (Werewolves)."

I suppose it it would take intervention by the Galactic Federation of Light to defeat all that. How are we supposed to take on Hillary-supporting vampires and werewolves by traditional means? Even Q failed to mention what Trump's plan was for this very realistic scenario. But FEAR NOT, PATRIQTS! For all of your questions will be answered directly by Ashtar Command in Part II!

This story was from a while back now so I'm sure many of you will have heard of it - but I hadn’t seen it covered much in the media or in commentary, and when I stumbled across it, I was really intrigued by the events and accounts of the characters involved. It’s an incredibly nuanced and multifarious case, touching on themes of human fixation, fantasy, literature, criticism, privacy, and mental illness. It’s also ripe for analysis, particularly when you have a readily available paper trail from the perpetrator himself - with posts that are surprisingly introspective and self-critical, but also deeply impulsive, as he seems to morph into an unreliable, almost performative narrator as his writing develops.

Richard Brittain, a former Countdown champion (a popular British TV quiz show) became obsessed with an acquaintance at university and wrote a fantasy novel about her. His magnum opus was accompanied by a bizarre PR strategy which involved a plan to travel up to Glasgow where she lived, consensually kidnap her, and have the two of them camp out in the wilderness for a few days while news coverage spread. Terrified, she declined, and Brittain went back to the drawing board, determined to find another way to win his princess. He would write candid blog posts professing his undying love for her, and coined the concept of ‘benevolent stalking’, convinced that love didn’t need to be mutually reciprocated to exist, and one half of a partnership sometimes has to reveal the love to the other half, reminding them that it does exist, it’s just hidden in the depths of their consciousness.

Brittain teased the release of his novel ‘The World Rose’ by uploading a few chapters to Wattpad. He received a few sympathetic reviews, but the majority of readers were pretty unimpressed. He reacted particularly strongly to any negative criticism, getting into painful spats with young writers in comments sections over syntax, grammar, and the rules of creative writing. He became somewhat known on the platform for his antics and would encourage a fair amount of baiting from eager Wattpad users looking for a fight. Eventually he self-published his novel on Amazon to a less than favourable reception. And after one particularly scathing review, an incensed Brittain decided to track the user down so he could tell her what’s what. Discovering that the young woman worked in a supermarket near Glasgow, he travelled 400 miles from his home, found his target stacking shelves in the cereal aisle, and hit her over the head with a wine bottle.

The story feels scarily pertinent in today’s digital literary culture, with similar (albeit less violent) cases such as Kathleen Hale, the author who tracked down and confronted a reviewer on their doorstep; and JM Arlen, an author who spent 7 gruelling years writing his seminal novel ‘The Crystal Keepers’, only to amass 5 sales in the first week, and a load of reviews that had systematically torn his work and identity to shreds. He then threw an almighty tantrum and digitally torched the subreddit.

There’s nothing quite like someone telling you your work stinks, and these cases exemplify the heartache and emotion that’s poured into literary works, and the crouching aggression that can be spat out as a result. Particularly regarding the use of forums, critical reception, and the blurred boundaries that once dictated privacy and professional conduct online.

I’ve made a video on it if anyone’s interested in delving deeper into Brittain’s psyche and watching some of his blog posts play out. Would love to hear any thoughts on it and or feedback (promise I won’t deck you with a bottle of sauv blanc..)

https://youtu.be/UOS8rusM62s?si=LIfT4fAqci7uO6kJ

There’s also a BBC article on the events that’s more succinct if you’d rather read than watch, will link below.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-35128139

Sci-fi book 'Three Body Problem' (San Ti) by Liu Cixin is the worst book I've ever read. The 14 pages he spent describing Qin Shi Huang's army acting out an Isaac Newton calculator was the worst reading of my life.

Also, dumbest and most unbelievable ending (of the first book).

I’ll go first… I googled my ex best friend from primary school the other day and saw from an article in her local paper that she had self-published a novel! I was really happy for her until I found the book on Amazon and saw that 1) it was only available in paperback form for 28 AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS and 2) the front and back cover of the book were riddled with spelling errors (if I’m not mistaken, it’s “heartbreaking” and “success” not ’heartbracking’ and “sucess”, right?). I’m sure it took a lot of effort and courage to publish her book in a public place, but I don’t understand why you’d put all that work into writing a 150+ page book and not do any kind of proofreading or at least get someone else to do it for you. I’ll regularly trawl Amazon because I love finding literary gems from little known authors I never would have encountered otherwise and I’ve seen my fair share of shockers (targeted fetish content presented as fantasy and/or romance, AI-generated prose (in the last 6-12 months), people posting incomprehensible works under the names of well-known authors, etc.), but the thing about most of these categories is that the vast majority of them are free on kindle and only $10-12 in physical form. The greed and laziness just left me a unique kind of dumbfounded. On the flip side, it’s given me the confidence to think about self-publishing on Amazon myself, as if she can publish a typo-filled book on Amazon and charge nearly $30 for it and not immediately be run off the internet (it has a ranking within the ‘coming of age’ + ‘YA fantasy’ categories so someone out there has bought it with their hard-earned cash), then I’m not sure what I’ve been so afraid of.

Do you think exchanging used books is a good idea? ( I have around 50-60)

I love shitlit. I read a lot of shitlit. But it's not a common occurrence that shitlit leaves me speechless.

Damn... this was hard to read. It would be funny if it weren't so tragic. There were moments I felt ethically confused as to how comical I might be allowed to find some of the content. People deal with grief in a vast spectrum of ways. Some, unfortunately, dealt with their tragedies by ending up contributing to this book.

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But I do not say this to discredit the authors (they do that themselves effectively enough) or the many contributors to this book. Plenty of the people who contributed here did not, at least admittedly, lose anyone to Covid. Their motivations are their own.

Fourth Reich is comprised almost exclusively of interviews. "This book is dedicated to the truth" is the pretentious dedication just before the table to contents. The interviews are then arranged by a "Nuremberg Trial Docket" which the authors mean to imply is a list of witnesses they intend to call to an allegorical stand. To make this entirely clear: this text is written as though it actually were a trial - it ends with "Closing Statements."

Just to be even more clear here, this in itself is not a bad idea. To write a performative trial in which evidence is evaluated is not a plan that lacks cleverness. But by the end of this review, I'll explain exactly how stupidly this was executed, and what impact the very execution has on my perception of the work as a whole - conspiracy theories and anti-vaccination rants be damned.

In the Opening Statement (the equivalent of a foreword, in this case), we're only at the second paragraph when we encounter this: "Between the lockdowns, criminalization of human breathing without a Chinese face diaper, denial of lifesaving treatments, and distributing and then mandating what turned out to be shockingly dangerous shots - the physical, social, mental, and economic destruction is too vast to measure." As you can see, our text has been written by geniuses with an unrivaled command of the English language.

The Opening Statement goes on to say that a new Nuremberg trial "in the wake of the COVID fascism democide" is "more vital than it was in the wake of the Third Reich," with the general gist being that the Third Reich did not have the technology the Fourth Reich has. So, what is the Fourth Reich?

According to the authors, the Fourth Reich is "directed by the most dangerous mix of public-private partnerships," which are "synchronized by global elites ruling every country," and works (or is confederated with) "every global corporation working in tandem with every country's government to enforce the edicts of the Fourth Reich through censorship, discrimination, denial of basic services, and medical apartheid." All of which was "induced by the Great Reset." So, if I refer to the Fourth Reich going forward, this is what I mean. I probably won't.

There seems to be almost no self-awareness on the part of the authors. The mishmash of various conspiracy theories present in just the Opening Statement, incoherently strewn together, are possibly surpassed in their ridiculousness when these authors, one of whom is a Senior Editor at The Blaze and the other a conservative talk-show host with an affinity for the Bible, accidentally critique capitalism:

"The public is therefore left with no options because they can't challenge the incumbent private corporations in the marketplace, given the fact that governments grant them an inveterate monopoly through existing contracts, subsidies, and regulatory capture. Nor could they challenge the policies of the government through elections because they artfully vested most of that legal, economic, and logistical power to enforce their will upon civilization with the 'private sector.'"

I am going to preempt the usual objection to this: I am aware that governments granting special privileges to special corporations is usually how monopolies are formed. A capitalist would say it is "not capitalism," or call it "crony capitalism." I am also aware that awareness of this does not make one a bad capitalist. But the circular logic here, that the government privileges corporations which can inspire them to privilege certain governmental positions, is the exact sort of critique one might hear from a socialist. The irony wasn't lost on me and it was too good not to share.

We could spend forever on the Opening Statement and never run out of material, so we're forced to move on. Who, exactly, do our authors-pretending-to-be-prosecutors call to the stand?

First up is Lt. Col Theresa Long, MD, an Army brigade surgeon, who refused to administer vaccines because the Holy Spirit forbade her, and stated IN A COURTROOM that "88 percent of all women who got vaccinated end up with a quote 'dead baby.'" She did not clarify whether they were pregnant to begin with.

Up next is Lt. Col Peter Chambers. He received the Moderna vaccine and since then he's been sensitive to 5G. He treats it with "stuff like resting the brain and antioxidants."

Sam Sigoloff, another military doctor, informed a company commander that he believed it was unlawful to "tell service members to take an experimental vaccine." During a reprimand he "told [the brigadier general] that my permanent file is not on this earth but it is with my Lord." When asked if his anti-vax stance was common in the military, he responded "I think a lot of the doctors will never see it because they are too spiritually blind."

Then there's Scott Miller, a "physician assistant" who believes God told him how to treat Covid.

Are you seeing a trend here?

There are 20 chapters in total, each a separate interview. Considering the rate at which typographical and grammatical errors are present, these were likely conducted via email. The only "work" the authors appeared to put in was typing out the questions. If these interviews were conducted voice to voice, they have either been edited too much or edited too little.

While I could certainly go over each chapter with great interest, it's not necessary. Each chapter is just more of the same, and it becomes increasingly sad as it goes. Many of the chapters are interviews with people who lost loved ones in the pandemic and are looking for someone to blame. On one occasion, the lost loved one was a child. When they would attempt to sue or at least get an investigation into their loved one's death, they were frequently informed the hospital had done nothing wrong. But the conclusion frequently drawn from this is that the entire medical system must have been in on it; an assassination.

One person even postulates that Covid may be a new "New Deal" (yes, as in the FDR program) designed to keep people sick so they can buy vaccines and make money for vaccine producers.

Some believe that people were getting Covid from the vaccines themselves. Others attributed every ailment they or their acquaintances suffered to the vaccines, even though at least one stated unprompted that "we didn't know if that was a pre-existing allergy (she never had an MRI before)." One individual whose child, she believed, was suffering from "functional neurological disorder" due to the vaccines was informed that she was not and that her child may actually be in need of psychotherapy.

At one point, the authors describe Covid countermeasures as "what is probably the most intimate violation of bodily autonomy in modern history." I am sure plenty of enslaved individuals in the American South, not all that long ago, would give them some shocking perspective on that claim.

Mask requirements are called "child grooming." Lack of evidence for alternative medicine is referred to as a "religious holy war." When a medical professional denies the efficacy of Ivermectin against Covid, it is called "regurgitating the mainstream media narrative."

As I began to compile this summary, I reopened Fourth Reich for the first time in months to check my notes. I have dug back in about 3/4 of the way, but it's becoming so redundant I'm going to call it here.

So, what were our authors trying to accomplish, and how did our authors and our interviewees do?

Imagine a book much like this one, in which the leading advocates for Covid vaccines and the leading opponents of the same were interviewed. Their thoughts, experience, and opinions laid out in an organized fashion for us, we could compare notes from one side or the other - like a jury. This book addresses the reader as a juror. But it's just a farce.

No such books exists. This book is no Nuremberg trial. The authors pretend to be prosecutors, yet there is no defense present. There is no cross examination. There are only 20 interviews and some opening/closing statements to direct your attention to them, with the conclusion set in stone by the selectivity of the "evidence" the authors decided to include.

It is not a coincidence that these interviews and the authors all share common denominators. Conspiracy theories about the United Nations and secret depopulation programs, distrust of medicine as an institution, and an utter lack of perspective. There is a significant and legitimate conversation to be had about what extent pandemic responses may, or do, infringe on basic human rights. These authors did not contribute to that conversation whatsoever; to call the Covid pandemic the worst calamity in the history of the world (in so many words) is to forget that the Second World War happened, or that only a few generations ago, here in America, people were kept as slaves often in conditions identical to or worse than a 20th century labor camp.

In the closing statements, when essentially informing the reader that the takeaway ought to be considered marching orders, the authors stated this:

We are not a nation of laws, and never have been, but a nation of political will - and we always will be. Which means whatever you incentivize, or don't punish, you will get more of.

Yet, those of us who do not fit neatly into the camp of anti-vaccination zealots and conspiracy theorists - we are called the fascists here. The incoherence of this text knows no limit; there is no terminus to confine the nonsense. And as it comes to a close, amidst a rant about "BLM riots," "castration operations," and "school[s] sanctioned from preventing men from entering female bathrooms," we get the one and only glimpse of self-awareness in this entire book; the moment the authors describe the whole situation of concern in mutually exclusive terms, side by side:

It's not about equal-opportunity authoritarianism, because it is directed solely at those who don't fit the national standards. Thus, we are witnessing the worst influx of illegal immigration and domestic crime precisely during the time of the most heavy-handed authoritarianism against some citizens. This is anarchy mixed with tyranny.

^ Emphasis my own.

In conclusion, there is hardly anything new in this text. Its crowning achievement is the absolute joke it makes of what is otherwise a good idea: a literary trial in which the most significant item of interest of its day is interrogated.

While the poor execution of this book which, if we are charitable, we may call negligence, entirely ruins what it ostensibly sets out to do, there may be an actual takeaway. The interviewees, looking for every and any medium in which to express their voice, feel voiceless. Never forget the words in this text, as astonishingly mislead as they are misleading, were uttered by a human being; scared endlessly by a world turned on its head, confused by each other, locked away in their homes for weeks at a time, afraid the world won't still be there when they next step outside.

This grift is frustrating and these authors deserve our ire, but I do not wish to contribute to a lack of compassion for those who do not know any better. I did not lose anyone to Covid, and I have never known anyone who blamed their health problems on vaccine injury. But those who did, or do, I cannot speak for. In our collective imagination, we are Homo Sapiens Sapiens - the twice-wise modern man. Shake the world up a bit, and we find that claim laughable. Grief does strange things to us. The authors took advantage of that.

I was initially tempted to say the authors are true believers in what they are saying, due entirely to the fervency of their intro and outro. But I am given pause for one reason: Nobody is as stupid as our authors pretend to be. This book is targeting a specific audience, was written and developed with minimal effort, and does not serve to persuade anyone of anything. But to the conspiracy theorist, the ardent down-on-his-luck conservative looking for someone to blame for his problems, the paranoid, the fundamentalist believer in supernatural forces... this book, written to make a quick buck and profiteer off of a global pandemic, may do damage. Some contributors, including Pierre Korey and Robert Malone, seem credentialed enough to confirm one's most sinister suspicions.

It is a shame no effort was made to put them to the test of basic scrutiny.

A hybrid pastor/speaker wrote a book about the Satanic Panic during the Satanic Panic. So far, nothing is new here. Like all social panics, it came with its share of grifters and opportunists who figured they could make a quick buck on preestablished public fear. And naturally, a lot of these grifters wrote books.

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This is not one of those books. The author was a true believer.

There are some unusual elements to this book:

1. The foreword was written by Geraldo Rivera. Yes, THE Geraldo Rivera.
2. The book is dedicated to Sean Sellers, a triple murderer known for being the only person since the reinstatement of the death penalty to be executed for a crime committed before he was 18 years old.
3. Some of the images in the book and their descriptions are erroneously swapped. At least, in my copy.

The Edge of Evil follows the author on his journalistic journey to get to the bottom of the Satanic Panic. As he is introducing us to the later chapters, he says, "We're not going to believe everything, okay?" Essentially claiming that he's including exactly what he's being told, and leaving it to the readers to critically determine what is worth believing.

Here's the thing: none of them are believable, especially retrospectively. There are accounts of children and adults alike being lowered into vats of blood, for instance. The people that Jerry Johnston interviews are purportedly satanic ritual abuse survivors, former and current Satanists/occultists/"New Agers," and specialists who have dealt with or at least encountered the aforementioned classes of people.

And you can separate the people he interviews into two basic categories: paranoid mentally ill individuals, and individuals who are fucking with him. He goes about writing this book entirely oblivious to the difference.

Some of the people interviewed are practically children, and he essentially begs them to scare the shit out of him with random, obscene, unusual tales made up right there on the spot.

One of the individuals he interviews represented a group called "BADD," which stands for "Bothered About Dungeons & Dragons."

Yes, accusations against tabletop roleplaying games as a catalyst for satanic influence are included. Naturally, you can't let Dungeons & Dragons take all the blame - metal music shares at lease some of it. Nobody would be joining Satanic cults and molesting kids if it weren't for K.I.S.S. and 12-sided dice.

Another myth the book makes no effort whatsoever to dispel is that occultism was the driving force behind Nazi Germany. This would, after all, give us a solid explanation for why it took the only upstanding Christian people in the world (read: Americans) to defeat them. Joe Carr, author of *The Twisted Cross,* makes this incredibly ridiculous statement during his interview with the author with no effort at all to conceal his anti-Europeanism:

"...the Adolph [sic] Hitler connection is obvious. However, an awful lot of nineteenth century western and central European politics were involving people who were ardent occultists. The Rasputin thing in Russia is an example. Most of the French hierarchy in the late nineteenth century were occultists. In fact, occultism, known as theosophy, was the primary world view in the late nineteenth century."

He goes on to say that in late nineteenth century Europe, only 5% of the population were Christian. And that Theosophy, which in reality was always a minor fringe belief system built around the personality of a single mystic, was the dominant force in European thought. What bullshit is this?

But the enormous inconsistencies between the world this author seemed to live in (in 1989) and the one we clearly live in now are not the only inconsistencies here. One paragraph actually left me speechless considering the author is a Christian:

"Two things bother me about New Age emphasis and teenagers' interest in the occult. One is the reincarnation angle. Again, I worry about teenagers who aren't coping in this life being taught that after death comes a whole new chance at another life when you'll be different, better."

So, in other words, the concept of Heaven? Is it really such a concern to a Christian that new age beliefs might lead one to believe in an afterlife as well?

On page 155, Johnston states as though it's an accepted fact that Aleister Crowley's son experienced a "bizarre ritual death." That son, actually, was alive when this book was published.

So aside from all of this, what is the takeaway supposed to be and how did our author do?

First, to give him a small amount of credit, Johnson does on a couple of occasions attempt to dissuade his readers from becoming witch hunters, reminding them of how horrifying the Inquisition and the Salem Witch Trials were, and goes as far as to state "You're not the exorcist."

Second, and more importantly, this book is an unusually fun read. Johnston, like many others in his time, saw Satanism everywhere it wasn't. He was hopping flights from one place to another, vigorously taking notes and making recordings, all while believing his investigation was dangerous and that nefarious underground elements may want to silence him by any means necessary. It's close to fiction, and even closer to a reading of an alternate reality where the object of one of America's most embarrassing hoaxes was actually real. I imagine him rushing to catch a taxi, vigorously jotting down notes and frequently looking over his shoulder for any sign he's being followed; any person around him may have secretly been a Satanic cult member who might have the ability to read his thoughts.

Third, and then I'll shut up: This book is an artifact. It has no genuinely redeeming qualities because nothing about the Satanic Panic is redeemable. We're more deceivable than we think, and our deceivability often informs our lived experience so dramatically that it can alter the reality we live in. This was certainly the case for this well-meaning journalist-wannabe, and it may be more true for the rest of us than we're likely to admit.

I'm not singling out one of her books so much as her entire body of work because there's no way in hell she managed to produce a single good book in her life. Or one that didn't make me want to vomit.

Now, the writer GK Chesterton once said the following in his book, Heretics;

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

This is extremely true of PC Cast, who's clearly into new age Wiccanism, 'mother goddess' BS, and a ton of other stuff that includes lovely things like rape apologia.

Let me repeat that; rape. Apologia.

In her House of Night book series, which is gonna be a big focus of this review, the main character/how-adults-write-teens Zoey Redbird - one of the most unpleasant 'fonts of empathy and compassion' ever created - goes through numerous boyfriends, often at the same time. One of them is her older teacher, Loren Blake, who she has steamy intimate moments with and eventually loses her virginity with. The scenes between her and Loren are... like... well... you know how people describe grooming? It's like that, it's grooming, actual, straight-up grooming. Zoey's into Loren because he makes her, a sixteen-year-old, feel like a woman. And he's hot.

There's also when she stumbles upon Aphrodite - who cannot be described for a page without being called a slut or a hag from hell or just an awful person because of reasons - tries to force a blowjob on her ex-boyfriend... and it's gross, not because it's attempted rape, but because...

I'll quote Zoey herself;

Yes, I was aware of the whole oral sex thing. I doubt if there's a teenager alive in America today who isn't aware that most of the adult public think we're giving guys blow jobs like they used to give guys gum (or maybe more appropriately suckers). Okay, that's just bullshit, and it's always made me mad. Of course there are girls who think it's "cool" to give guys head. Uh, they're wrong. Those of us with functioning brains know that it is not cool to be used like that.

Never mind that the guy is clearly saying no to Aphrodite's advances, throughout the entire ordeal, no, that never factors into why Aphrodite's a bad person. No, it's because she's a slut. And yes, she is the typical alpha bitch character we see in all teen dramas, to the point of having her own pair of followers. And guess what?

She ends up redeemed but still a bitch. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. The main villain is Kalona - I'll get into some other unfortunate aspects of his character later on - who was the consort of the goddess Nyx (who's also Dawn, Spider-Woman, Kuan Yin, every powerful mother goddess figure, fantastic) but got jealous over her playmate Erebus so attacked them and was cast out ala Satan.

And everyone treats him tragically an sympathetically for this, going on about how he just wants the world he used to have back - even though he rapes an entire race, the Raven Mockers, into existence.

And I do mean rapes an entire race into existence. He used mind control powers to seduce countless women and rape them until they had his bastard spawn known as Raven Mockers. He was stopped when some Cherokee wise-women made him a special doll to love called Aya and trapped him. And guess what? Zoey is Aya's reincarnation. The only one in the series. So yes, Kalona is her love interest to the point of groping her tits at one point - again, teenage girl here - going "I know what you like, Aya" and then Zoey jumps off a cliff to escape him, but don't worry, this is all his seductive powers. The narrative never treats him as anything other than a tragic, flawed villain rather than a creepy-ass monster.

Zoey's final love interest is a guy called Stark, who also used mind control crap to rape women, but once Zoey sees he's good-looking, decides he can be redeemed... and then derides one of his victims, Becca, as a slut. For wanting to still hook up with him despite being attracted to him only because of his mind control powers. His past as a rapist is never, ever brought up again beyond calling it a "not-so-nice past."

And oh yeah, Raven Mockers, or Kâ'lanû Ahkyeli'skï, are actual creatures in Cherokee mythology. Remember how I said Cherokee wise-women? Well... it's also set in Oklahoma, where Kalona was sealed. Note his name as well, and the first one for the Cherokee words for Raven Mockers. I'd also like to bring up now that Zoey Redbird is part Cherokee but this is just used to make her extra special and cool. Here's what her grandmother had to say when she becomes a vampire.

"That's not what I mean, baby. I'm not surprised you were Tracked and Marked. The Redbird blood has always held strong magic; it was only a matter of time before one of us was Chosen. What I mean is that it makes no sense that you were just Marked. The crescent isn't an outline. It's completely filled in.”

"That's impossible!”

"Look for yourself, U-we-tsi a-ge-hu-tsa." She used the Cherokee word for daughter, suddenly reminding me very much of a mysterious, ancient goddess.

I am so sorry to all Native Americans who had to read that. Its representation of Cherokee beliefs and mythology is so bastardized Disney's take on Natives in the original Peter Pan comes across as downright golden. It's the exact kind of 'oh, so mysterious and mystical' crap Natives have been trying to escape for years. Also, they're all neo-pagans because of course they are.

You're probably wondering how this book series tackles other issues, like homosexuality! I'll let the resident token character Damien introduce himself.

“Actually, since I'm gay I think I should count for two guys instead of just one. I mean, in me you get the male point of view and you don't have to worry about me wanting to touch your boobies.”

He reminds you of his sexuality every. Fucking. Sentence. I'm not even kidding, it's hammered into your head like Patrick Bateman murdering Paul Allen. That's not an exaggeration, I swear, it's that forceful.

How does it tackle race? You know when POC characters are described as being food-colored for their skin? It's that. All the time.

I will note that Kristen Cast, P.C. Cast's daughter, is credited as a co-author... but I can tell this was mainly the mother's handiwork. I'd go on about the House of Night series, but I have better things to do than waste my life on something which outlived the far superior Twilight. (Yes, I can say that with a straight face.)

This bad writing ain't just limited to House of Night. From her Goddess Summoning series where modern-day women travel back in time to seduce greek gods and heroes!

Hades was the personification of dark and dangerous--a living, breathing Batman.

That's from Goddess of Spring.

Isabel's heart dropped right to her vagina and started throbbing there.

That's from Goddess of Legend, when our heroine meets King Arthur.

The British legendary hero King Arthur. In a series about Greek myths.

Then in Warrior Rising, where a woman gets sent to seduce Achilles, she uses hypnosis on him, jacks him off, yes it's called rape at one point, and the person who does it, her black best friend in a white slave woman's body (so much wrong with that) just goes "okay, whatever floats your diabolical boat!" and is fine with her best friend being a rapist.

This is what P.C. Cast decided made for good literature.

And somehow... she's a New York Times Bestseller. I am never trusting that description ever again.

I have been searching for some more book podcasts to listen to. Currently I listen to Goosebuds where they review Goosebump books and goof around. The other podcast is Reading Isn't For Kids where they review children's chapter books and review them like they are literary classics.

What are some other podcasts or even YouTube channels you all suggest? Points if the hosts joke around about the books.

So I’ve been in equal parts terrified and fascinated by the world of dinosaur erotica for some time. Christie Simms and Chuck Tingle sure know how to write Dino porn! Recently I came across a new addition to this genres “canon” - “how my dinosaur lover seduced my parents” by Eden Bliss

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-dinosaur-lover-seduced-parents-ebook/dp/B0C37WSLYX/ref=sr_1_1?crid=QZ6YYAFH2BDK&keywords=how+my+dinosaur+lover+seduced+my+parents&qid=1682176692&sprefix=how+my+dinosaur+lover+seduced+my+parents%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-1

There’s the classic human - Dino love and steamy sex. There’s bizarre commentary on office HR politics in a world where dinosaurs work alongside us as coworkers. Then things get REAL strange when the human girls parents show up in the middle of the homo Dino love making and…join in?! Like they just see their daughter getting jiggy with a triceratops and strip down and have some kind of terrible lizard cunnilingus filled incest dinosaur orgy.

It gets strange REAL quick and honestly I wasn’t even mad. Just hilarious.

Ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to Tom Kratman, a former US serviceman with interesting ideas about warfare. He is currently a science fiction author specializing in war.

Now then, this book was written as part of the Legacy of Aldenata series by John Ringo, which focuses on an alien invasion by carnivorous reptilian centaurs. And to combat this, Earth is being given support by some elf-like aliens with their own agenda.

One of these is a technology that brings old people back to youth. And to successfully combat the swarming aliens that eat everything, Germany brings the famously apolitical Waffen SS, who routinely old Hitler and Himmler to fuck off and we’re utter badasses and I cannot go much further because holy shit it’s so much worse than I just said.

Yes. An apolitical Waffen SS is revived to fight aliens. And they use giant ass tanks. Yes, Kratman was a tanker, why do you ask?

This book isn’t historical revisionism, or even accidental alternate history. It’s delusional. It’s outright delusional. It tries to tackle the issue f the Holocaust and comment on German politics as only a Hard Man doing Hard Things while Hard (aka, hanging deserters from street lamps and slaughtering fleeing soldiers of your own side and massacring a human shield of civilians because there’s no other option) can explain it. Everything I put in brackets did indeed happen. In the book. And it’s far worse than I just described.

This book is bad in every conceivable way. I went in hoping for some laughs and just felt like showering when I finished. It’s depictions of the Holocaust and Germany’s atrocities are way too detailed to be respectful and it’s views of war as a contest of pure attrition is... utterly disgusting in how glorified it is.

And yes, how it portrays the SS is totally delusional. It insists they were the ultimate badasses - an Israeli character joins them at one point, for fuck’s sake! - when historical fact demonstrates they were the shit wipers of the German army, goons given guns and told to kill.

By any stretch of any morality that exists, this book? Is vile and repulsive. It’s easily the worst sci-fi ever written.

I also expect Tom Kratman to show up in the comment section since he’s that insecure.

It's 7:03 on a wednesday. I’m lying in bed dreading the moment I have to get out. Eventually , i conjure up the strength to sluggishly get up and go along with my normal routine, as of course it is just a normal day. I've got a dull room with grey walls, grey bed covers, grey bedside cabinet with a grey lamp on top. I slowly traverse over to the door leading to the landing, dragging my feet across my grey carpet.

As I open the door the light protrudes into my room illuminating my sanctuary. The walls in the landing are a pastel pink colour, i hate it. The light bulb scorches my eyes. I cringe back using my hand to cover my eyes until they adjust to the harsh light, then hurry over to the toilet. I splash cold water on my face to freshen up then look at myself in the mirror. As always I scan every feature on my face, from my straight black hair to my pale white skin, my lifeless grey eyes to my thin pink lips even my petite nose. There's a scar on the right side of my lip jaggedly going up my cheek. At least I've always got a half-smile to go with my everlasting emotionless expression.

Out of nowhere, i get a unbearable headache. Dazed, I almost collapse to the floor. I quickly launch my hand to the sink to stabilise myself .My head automatically jolts back. Plunged into some sort of vision or flashback.i appear to be in Some old crypt with cracked rock walls, moss eroding the walls. There's about ten ominous hooded figures all dressed in red robes standing in a circle. I can't tell if red was the original colour of the robes because they seem to be drenched and I see patches of white in the fabric. Suddenly, I hear a piercing scream and all the members of this cult start to chant in an unknown language. Progressively getting louder and louder. Slowly the scream transfers into what sounds like the cry of a baby. I have no control over my body or eyes. I dont know how, but I start to levitate into the air. I can almost see over the heads of the hooded cultists until I hear static and my vision blurs. In a quick snap everything goes black.

I have no idea how long I've been on my bathroom floor but I finally snap back to consciousness. My hands are shaking uncontrollably which I would usually get after one of my usual panic attacks. As I slowly rise I look at myself in the mirror and with a shriek I realise there's blood coming from my eyes like tears, it's dried up now encrusted in my skin and all down my cheek. There's even blood on the floor! I clean it up hastily even though it's hard to get out of the floor because it’s leaked into the cracks of the tiles. I rush out of the toilet to look at the vintage clock on the wall of the landing to see how long I've been unconscious. It's 6:53! I've been on the floor of my bathroom for hours! Welp at least I missed the day of school.

I’m considering whether to tell my foster parents about what happened (I'm an orphan, my parents died before I was old enough to even remember them). But they're nowhere in the house, which is odd because they should've come home from work around about now. I catch a glimpse of something which I don't want to believe. I have to look again. Snapping back to the drawer by the front door. Looking at the digital clock on top of it its 6:57 a.m. A.M! HOW! it shouldn't yet it does. How long was I unconscious for! And how did my foster parents not find me?

It's been a few hours, I've just been sitting in the front room awaiting the arrival of my foster parents. I'm too shaken from what has happened to go to school today. Disrupting my train of thought, there's a knock at the door. It startles me and i'm debating answering the door. Who could it be? This house rarely gets any visitors so my mind is racing trying to figure out who it could be when the door knocks again. I build the courage to get up and walk towards the door. Looking through the window on the door i see a high vis jacket. The police? Surely not, what could they possibly be here for. Definitely not to tell me that the only two people in my life i consider family died in a tragic accident. I mean that's just ludicrous. I open the door and with a confused voice i say “hello, Mr officer?”

He looks at me startled like everyone does when they see the scar on my face but he stifles all the thoughts in his head and proceeds with what he was going to say

“Good evening” says the police officer clearly still in shock by my appearance. “I presume you are lunar lancelot?”

“Yeah, that's me” I say timidly, not sure of what to make of his sudden appearance. And then the officer says the sentence which will change my life forever.

“I'm truly sorry to bring this news to you but your parents have suffered a tragic accident.”

Let's do Kissing the Coronavirus.

This is the weird story of Dr. Alexa Ashingtonford's unlikely romance with the underwhelming Dr. Bob Gurtlychund.

Dr. Ashingtonford holds a vial of coronavirus, "her perfectly pink manacured nails clashing with the pale, bubbling liquid inside." She proceeds to masturbate with the vial because when she imagines what it would feel like, she determines that it would feel "pretty great, indeedily." She is nearly caught in the act by Dr. Gurtlychund, which would have made for a very awkward and probably fireable moment.

But the REAL fireable moment, which also goes unnoticed, is when Dr. Ashingtonford realizes that her lab has not produced enough "trial vaccine" to run tests with, so she does some science and supplements the lacking volume with some of the coronavirus she had been masturbating with. "Snap, crackle, pop" goes the now-ruined vaccine, the cerealesque sound making "her ovaries clash together like cymbals."

In a sudden dramatic twist, Dr. Gurlychund admits to Dr. Ashingtonford that he has Covid and that he will be injecting the trial vaccine to save his own life. Obviously, this turns him into the stereotypical green freak with a perfect physique who proceed to fuck and be fucked by Dr. Ashingtonford.

And that's it. That's erotica for you. I'm marking this as NSFW.

This particular review is a cheat. This book is written to be intentionally bad, humorous, and above all erotic in the taboo sense. And believe it or not, the author actually managed to pull this off in only 35 pages.

When Dr. Gurtlychund injects the tampered trial vaccine, the author writes this:

"For some reason the lights flashed. Wind whipped around the lab, lashing Alexa's hair back and forth and shaking her ample breasts. There was lots of sound and shaking and Alexa's heart hammered harder than the time she was hammered by the carpet fitter when he came to fit carpets in her country manor."

I actually laughed pretty hard at this line.

In fact, the entire thing is hilarious. It's the sort of weird little book of metahumor that evades any genre. How does one specify what this is? A sort of B-movie put to paper? Fanciful escapism? Nonsense?

It gets 4/5 stars from me, and I highly recommend you get a copy of your own. It's such an unmemorable read that I find it equally funny each time I remember it exists. I even bought a copy as a Christmas gift. It may not be the future of high literature, but it is astonishingly absurd. And to say one purely positive thing about something designed to be received so negatively, it likely took a lot of bravery to publish this at all, even with the humorous nature offering near-perfect cover. The author created something great in this exercise of pointlessness.

Today I will be reviewing Invisible Shackles, by Marshall Pope.

If you do not know who Marshall Pope is, he is (unfortunately) probably best known for his "Freestyle Fail" on live television: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/VI2GmeMhGis

I was unaware that this little book of poetry, described as having been written for the benefit of Black Americans, would praise Hitler and cast doubt on the ethnic origins of Jews.

"So, allow the words in my poetry to capture the pain and agony from the lost tribe of Judah turning the volume up on voices this world has long silenced," Pope writes in the introduction. There is something here adjacent to the Black Hebrew Israelite movement, but so far so good. And then a few sentences later, he says "So, rest in power my brothers and sisters for I promise through me you may actually live again."

Ladies and Gentlemen, we may be dealing with a Messiah here.

In various chapter introductions, Pope lays out a sort of genealogy that directly inspires the poems thereafter. This genealogy assumes true the Christian myth that black people are the descendants of one or other of Noah's sons, but rejects that this son was Ham. Ham's children, you see, went into Africa. Shem's children, per Pope, were forced to wander into Africa at some later time for displeasing God. The Africans stolen from their homes and forced into bondage in the New World were not actually Africans, but God's very own chosen people continuing to live out their punishment for disobedience.

Pope hopes to inspire a more obedient attitude moving forward to end the generational curse.

"I have the knowledge and the ability now to transform myself from a black man into a Hebrew prince," he states on page 43. And then he seemingly does so, insisting over and over again that the Jews are actually Khazars who have stolen the birthright of God's true chosen people.

Each poem is contained in about a single page, and on page 69 you will find "Jew-Not," the antithesis of a love letter. "Judgement has arrived for the Senegal of liars to repay reparations for stealing our birthright," it opens. If you're confused by the word Senegal (the name of a country in Africa) used seemingly randomly in this sentence, I have a theory about that I'll explain in a moment.

The poem continues and explains Pope's genealogy of the country of Israel:

"The bloodline of Shem extends to the negro Hebrews which is identified as the black Israelites!

Anti-Semitic is a cover-up used to disguise and conceal the truth from being exposed to the public...

Khazars migrated from a Europe Turkic tribe to Israel and formed a democratic elite called republic!"

This poem goes on to state that the Khazars have "extended their reach to from Israel to every corner of the globe as a one world order..."

But perhaps the most bizarre poem in this book is "Hitler for President," which muses that "The Senegal of Satan controls the media and all forms of public relations concerning information..." and with that, we are back in Senegal again.

"Hitler for president is no difference [sic] than saying America is only great for one race the Caucasians!

Was the Holocaust a great atrocity or did our German brother discover the truth about Satan seeds?

We were taught Hitler's a racist by more racists unsympathetic toward America's slave caustic greed!

In 1940 he wrote a revealing letter and produced a film unveiling the true identity of the real Israelites...

To bury his findings, they placed his symbol and quotes behind supremacists to empower the whites!"

Yikes.

Just... yikes.

Now, briefly, what is "Senegal" all about?

In the poem "Holy Vaccination," Pope declares a number of diseases to be manmade disasters intentionally induced on the global public by the Illuminati (he does not use this word in this particular poem, but does in others). "Khazars and Turkish Russians from the synagogue of Satan making false claims to my Jewish heritage," a non-sequitur, appears here. I may be wrong, but I believe this is the only instance of the word "synagogue" in this text and I believe "Senegal" was a digital autocorrection of prior attempts to type this word. The word "synagogue" appears once, and then the word "Senegal" never again.

So, how did I feel about this book?

Somewhat enlightened, actually. I am not kidding about this. I'm fascinated by how religions change to meet the material circumstances they attempt to address, and this book of poetry, while cringy, anti-Semitic, and sometimes downright schizophrenic, actually is an example of one man's spiritual journey through life. His Messiah complex makes multiple appearances but never ceases to be charming in its own way, and while he does not offer more than a handful of details, he admits to having lived a very hard life and (in so many words) not knowing exactly how to reconcile his lived experience with the social expectations of a normal life.

The title "Invisible Shackles" is an allusion to the idea that while the physical chains of his ancestors no longer bind the hands of his generation, there are still some remaining "shackles" that bind the mind. Pope believes they are there, and that they can be broken. His book deserves to be here for praising Hitler and promoting conspiracy theories about Jewish people; I otherwise would have gone easier on him.

I always give shitlit one extra star when I rate them, and this one I decided to grade at 2 stars. There was very little substance to be appreciative of in these pages, but I can't shit on it and just walk away. I'll leave you with one Marshall Pope quote I underlined out of appreciation for the description it provides of systematic racism from an individual perspective:

"White America along with the media tells us to follow in their footsteps and use their history for our example. In concrete terms they are telling us to do as they do. But if we take a brief moment to reflect on what they did throughout history the list would be colonizer, murderer for personal gain, kidnapper, and slaver. And yet we are told to be more like them and because we are not, we are labeled as ignorant, mindless, lazy, ungrateful, and uncivilized."