The Rainbow Bridge

This is what I have been reminding myself daily to cope with my dog's loss. Everything is temporary in this life, including me. I will one day join the stars like my dog did. The only problem is, even though everything is temporary, my loss is permanent. I have to live the remainder of my life without my dog. It's been 3 months and grief comes in waves but these days, i can't spend 10 consecutive minutes not thinking about my best girl, my heart, my soul dog. It is very tough. I love all animals but still doubting having a pet because i don't believe i have the capacity to open my heart to another animal anymore and it would be very unfair to a new pet.

On Saturday, November 29th, 2008. My pug/beagle mix was had to be put down. I'd only had him for a year. He was 10-years old. I took it real hard because that dog was such a sweetheart. I'd rescued him from my local shelter.

Less than a week later, after some searching online, I'd found a 7-month old pug/beagle mix who was looking for a new home. He'd originally been purchased from a pet store but was too hyper so his owner had given him up. His second owner was unable to handle him as well, so he too was giving him up. So he came home with me.

I will never forget that first drive home. How he sat on the passenger seat of the car facing the door the entire ride home. I was a total stranger to him and he was once again leaving his old family for a new family. The third time in 7 months.

It's now been over 14 years and he is so loved. I own two pug/beagle mixes and he is for sure my favorite of the two. When we were sitting at the vet last week and the vet thought it might be a heart issue at first, I joke with him and told him he could have his brothers heart if it were true.

I've already begun to try and detach myself from him to a certain degree. He's having too much trouble getting in and out of bed so he's been sleeping in the kitchen with his brother. We own some very very soft pet beds. It's been very difficult not having either of them in bed with me the last few nights.

I've just been absolutely miserable on top of it. Randomly bust out crying. I absolutely hate every second of this. I'd give anything to have him back to normal. I miss his bark, his tail wag, that disappointing look he gives me when I leave the house.

He's scheduled for surgery and oncology consult on Tuesday but the more I read up on it, the more I realize I should probably just cancel it. There are major risks involved in the surgery and it doesn't sound like it will buy him a lot of time. To put him through such an intensive surgery at his age just seems unfair?

I started looking into at-home euthanasia services this weekend. I just don't know when I'm going to schedule it yet.

My cat will be put to rest after 17 wonderful years and I am utterly heartbroken. 17 years is a wonderful age but the conclusion is now is the time for her to cross the rainbow bridge. I don't think I've ever cried as much as a full grown man, I'm truly devastated. She was there through so many significant points in my life, I love her so much and life just won't be the same.

Rest in peace Phoebe, until we meet again 🌈

I put my dog down on Wednesday night and I feel like I have been drowning ever since. It gets worse at night, when I feel alone with my thoughts. She always cuddled with me in bed and loved napping with me. It hurts now even to eat or sleep because I think of her. I also feel so guilty for making the decision to say goodbye. We are still waiting on biopsy results but I feel like I am going to implode if a vet cannot tell me what was hurting her and causing her suffering. I need to know I chose the best option for her. Because at the end of the day she was looking to me to be her caretaker and I made the decision to end her life.

I lost my oldest cat, Lilo, a few weeks ago. It’s been hard, I’ve been going through a lot personally, and to lose her too, has been really difficult for me. But I also realized this may have taken an affect on my younger cat, Nova. When I first brought Nova home, I think they both had a hard time adjusting, but over the course of the last four years, they’ve learned to live together, and honestly, like each other.

Since Lilo passed, Nova’s been almost unbearable at night, and sometimes even throughout the day, she’ll cry non stop, and I can’t figure out what’s wrong. I give her so much attention and love and feed her on her typical schedule, but this is such a new behavior for her. Is there anything else I could be doing to help her adjust?

It’s been two weeks since my cat Pip passed away. I let it allll out and felt it the first week. The second week I cried still but started adjusting to life without her. For the most part I am still grieving but not nearly as depressed. In the past when her brother passed away I noticed I would get anxious about others in my life being ill or just dropping dead and that lasted a couple months but subsided. That has picked back up but I’m also getting anxiety at night and nightmares. I was wondering if perhaps it was related to the stress and grief and if anyone experienced it too? I have a therapist so I will run it by her too!

Today we had to put down our beloved dog Felix.

He was only 9. He has always been a tough guard dog, he never complained except when he was bored. He was always energetic and working to make sure we are safe.

In the last week, he was having some issues and pain, but he tried not to let us know. We went to the vet Friday and he was diagnosed with aggressive cancers in his stomach. The vet couldn't tell us any time frame due to the aggressive nature. Saturday was bad, but he was able to say goodbye to his family.

We have a friend vet who was able to come and euthanize him today. We spent the morning cuddling and enjoying his favourite treats.

The house feels empty without him. My partner and I just sit in silence. I know we made the right call because he was in pain, but I miss him so much and my heart is broken.

Cancer stole my boy and he deserved better.

"Oh I'm in pieces and it's tearing me up, but I know, a heart that's been broke is a heart that's been loved."

• Ed Sheeran

"If only sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way, I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him back home again. I would do anything To bring him back to you Because if I brought him back I would get back the friend that I once knew!"

• Bring me the Horizon

I am sorry if I have broken any rules, I am devastated and just need somewhere to post.

My first ever Fur baby passed away last night, he was only a year old but in that year he brought so much love and laughter to our home.

At the beginning of the week he started going downhill with vomiting and not eating or drinking. The vet gave him a shot to help with the nausea and said to come back if he didn't improve. He seemed to be getting a little better and I had a little hope that he'd pull through.

last night he started vomiting again, let out the awful sound and started to have a seizure and he died in my arms. I have not been able to stop crying and I feel so guilty that I didn't do more for him.

RIP Pancake 💔

Today, I had to make the most difficult decision of my life. My FIV positive cat Steven, began to get seriously ill.

When, I first got Steve as a kitten, we didnt know he was FIV positive. After routine bloodwork at the age of 3 - I was shocked to hear that he was positive. During this time Steve had many colds but would always bounce back.

Steve started to get very lethargic last week. I noticed that he felt warm and was most likely getting another cold (Steve is 10). Unfortunately after numerous trips to the vet is was determined that Steves future prognosis was not good. Left with little options we had to put him down quietly .

I am heartbroken. I have type one diabetes and struggle with anxiety and Steve was always a calming presence for me. When my mother had a stroke Steve was there for comfort. When it was discovered my mother had cancer, again Steve was there. When my father was diagnosed with kidney and lung cancer Steve was once again there.

When I got married and welcomed my first born into he world Steve was right there waiting to comfort.

I now sit here in Steven and my usual cuddle spot, missing and wishing he was beside me, comforting me as he always did.

I can only wish, that he felt the comfort of my love as I held him, hugged him and kissed him one last time.

I love you Steve, sleep comfortably and quietly until we meet again.

How can a cat be so joyful and loving? All she did her entire life was love others. She brought so much comfort. She cuddled everyone, even strangers. She gave nose kisses. She made people feel special with the way she just loved them. Even her meow was joyful. She was constantly purring and I swear she knew when I was sad, she would come find me and be with me.

All she wanted was to love and be loved, all the time. Her life was love and joy. I want to be like my cat.

Our family dog is 17 and it’s gotten to the point where it’s time to help him to the other side. He is not eating well and whatever food he does eat doesn’t stay down. It’s hard for him to stand and most of the time he falls over because he can’t stay standing. The sadness I am feeling is gut wrenching. I feel like I am drowning in sorrow unable to breathe. I know it’s time because he can’t keep living in pain like this , but I can’t help but find myself incredibly worried (to the point of having panic attacks) for what’s on the other side for him.

He was never a dog-dog. He was a nervous pup so he didn’t like playing with other dogs. But he has an immense bond to my mom. He was was her shadow, wherever she went he was right at her heels following. I find myself worried about who will be there for him on the other side. I know there are plenty of pups and other animals across the rainbow bridge but since he was never keen on other pets who will be there for him? We (thankfully) haven’t had any other family members pass so on top of the immense grief I’m feeling I can’t help but feel petrified like we’re sending him into loneliness.

We had to put my dog jazzy down on Saturday January 7th due to cancer. She had a sarcoma on her side and it grew rapidly. We noticed a lump in October and it just grew so fast. When we took her to the vet to get a diagnosis, they recommended not to operate as she was 15 years old and they said she would likely die in surgery. The day before we made the vet appointment, she was heavily panting and then got to the point where she couldn’t get up and was peeing herself (we were at work in the morning and my brother found her at noon unable to get up and in her own urine). She declined so quickly and when we made the check up appointment for the next day, the vet gave us two options- bring her home and give her gabapentin and an appetite stimulant as she was unable to determine if the cause of jazz being unable to walk was because of cancer (no signs of internal bleeding from the initial exam), or euthanasia. She kept saying “you are not wrong” for choosing euthanasia and I think she was trying to encourage us to pick that without telling us what to do. When I mentioned bringing her home and seeing how jazz would do, and said if she didn’t do better we would come back on Monday, the vet said “you can’t wait until Monday” insinuating we would have to call an emergency vet Saturday night or Sunday since all other vet offices were closed. We chose euthanasia then as even though we weren’t 100% sure, we thought it had to be the cancer putting her in discomfort and we did not want to risk her being in pain and calling an emergency vet. However, I still beat myself up to this day for not bringing her home and giving her the chance. I know people say it’s better a day early than too late but I feel guilt everyday for feeling like I murdered my dog. I can’t get over the feeling of letting her down and not trying harder. I miss her everyday.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading <3.

He's almost 17 years old and has an aggressive oral tumor. The vet is coming to my apartment tomorrow morning to euthanize him at home. He's still able to eat and drink and demand treats, but day by day he's developing new symptoms that signal his decline. I'm incredibly heartbroken. I want him to be free of this before it gets worse and before he gets too depressed. Right now he's sleeping on my lap and I called out of work to spend his last day with him. I've had him since I was 23. I'm 39 now and imagining life without him is unbearable. The pain is acute and I've been sleeping like crap. I'm absolutely dreading this. My entire being hurts.

If your pet died in an accident how did you overcame the guilt and the constant "what if" ?

My dog had two short seizures this month. We took him to the vet after the first one, did some blood tests and took some advice. Today he had a long one while playing fetch. He didn't wake up from this one. Does anyone know if he suffered? If his last memory is playing fetch, I can find solace in that. I'm just worried that he suffered while seizing.

A little over 5 years ago, I brought home a tiny kitten. He was a little turd at times, but he was also incredibly social, loved following me around, cuddled non stop, loved eating and playing. This week, he had to get put down.

His health had been rapidly declining the last few weeks. He lost a pound over two weeks. His fur went from fluffy to scraggly. His previously soft body got boney. He wasn't eating, drinking, playing, or cuddling.

After a few different vet appointments, we found out at the final visit that he had liver cancer. His liver had no normal cells left, he had fluid buildup in his stomach, fluid leaking in other areas, etc. They said he couldn't go home without a full blood transfusion, lots of pain killers, and a feeding tube. Even with that, he'd only last a few days. The vet told me that even if the cancer was caught earlier and they were able to do some sort of treatment, he would have still died after a few months. There was nothing we could do to help him live a long, healthy life. Since he was in so much pain, we decided to put him down that day. We went to the hospital and gave him lots of love before letting him go.

My partner and I are devastated. Our home feels empty without him. I feel horrible that he died at such a young age. I feel even worse that I didn't catch the signs earlier (he started having litter box issues about a year ago). I wish I had known earlier just so I could have been more patient with him when he was bad or was having litter issues, that I could have spoiled him more, and that I would have loved up on him more. I even regret not holding him the way he liked while he was being sedated. I didn't know what to do so I was just letting him on the table and talked to him, but he was faced away from me and I regret that because he loved to press his face on mine when he was happy.

I even feel guilty in my dreams. I had one where I thought I was hallucinating that he was still here and I got to cuddle with him, even though I knew it wasn't real. This dream was especially hard because the version I saw of him was when he was healthy. I had another where I accidentally left the door open and he ran out, so I spent the whole day looking for him. The most recent one was that he was sick and had to be put down, but then he survived and was able to come home again.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I still do. I miss him so much.

It's been almost four months and he finally appeared in my dream. It didn't feel spiritual or anything. He was just in a cat's play area but they were going to let some vicious dogs come in so I had to go in to get him out. My dog who passed away 10 years ago was there as well but he was helping me protect him.

I'm crying a lot today. It doesn't feel like it was him reaching out. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about him so that's probably why I had the dream (although I think about him a lot at night so I don't know why it took so long for me to dream about him).

I miss him so much. The world was much brighter when he was in it.

I took a memorial tattoo on Friday. It is amazing. Would post a picture but it seems I can't, subreddit rules or something?

Anyway, it will be 7 weeks tomorrow. Getting this tattoo has improved my mood, at least for now. Sadness still follows me, most if the time I am numb, but this made me feel happiness and satisfaction again.

My partner and I buried our cat Toast on Friday in his parents’ pet cemetery. We buried her with her favorite platypus, taco, pizza, donut, and worm toy, a hoodie string, her favorite blanket and pillow. We sprinkled some popcorn on her grave because she loved it and always tried to steal it out of our hands.

His parents made us dinner that night and talked about the pets they lost who were now keeping Toast safe. Then they said, “there’s even a fox there.”

And they told me about finding a fox who had come to die there. They gave it a proper burial amongst their pets. It makes me feel like the fox knew there was good spirit energy there. And I like imagining Toast hanging out with all these other animal spirits. Especially a fox. They’re very elusive but I’ve had a few encounters with them over my life that have always left an impact on me.

Hi everyone, I discovered this group last night and thought it might be therapeutic in a way to talk with you all about my baby’s passing. Cricket was my first baby, only to be followed by her sister Jiminee who is two years younger and still with us. Cricket was the most beautiful, kind, vocal (lol), and intelligent Siamese cat I’ve ever been so fortunate to know.

In September of last year, she became life-threateningly ill. After hospitalization and no noticeable progress, we rescheduled our wedding and prepared her for in-home euthanasia. About an hour before the vet’s arrival, she suddenly got up from hiding in the closet and walked through the house (something she hadnt done since the onset of her illness). So, we called it off and she rebounded so mysteriously well from there. However, the vets discovered a mass just under her liver which had its own blood supply, making it very difficult for them to surgically remove it without jeopardizing her life. Given her strange but much-welcomed recovery, we decided that perhaps the mass wasn’t the cause and we would simply monitor it from there.

Last week, Cricket went from being her normal, talkative and cuddly self to vomiting consistently all day long. I took her to the vet hoping it would be a simple fix and learned that her mass no longer had clean margins, was likely pressing on multiple organs, and had nearly tripled in size — making it more likely than not that it was an aggressive cancer. We were sent home with management medications, that ultimately had no effect.

This time, we scheduled her for in-home euthanasia and my baby was put to rest in my arms on March 3, 2023. I have never felt a more visceral pain, nor have I ever wept like I did when she passed. I’ve since been holding it together fairly well, and have tried to do things to distract myself, but in all honesty I think I may just be in shock. It feels real and not at the same time. Almost as if she’s simply away for a time and will be back soon. I don’t think I can truly comprehend not ever having her back.

We are having her cremated so she will always be with us, and I’ve purchased an unsuspecting urn necklace so she can be near to my heart everyday. It just feels like I’m going through the motions, masked as progress. I don’t know how to decipher what is true acceptance and what is not, and i experience so many different emotions in such short and random time spans. I’m sure this is just the natural grief process but, as someone who has had limited experience with loss, I’m not really sure where to go from here.

I may just be babbling, but thank you for giving me an opportunity to share even so. I’m so sorry to anyone who has experienced, or is experiencing, a loss like this. It is truly soul-crushing.

I miss my boy so much. I have hardly been able to stop crying these past few days. I can't believe he's gone. I'm an atheist but I don't believe we all just go away when we die. Still, I need to know he's safe and happy wherever he's gone. I keep asking where he is. He'd been right beside me for 14 years. I need to know where he is.

My dearest Mer,

It's been one whole week since you left, and I still can't stop crying at the thought of you. I did not cry yesterday, so I thought I was finally ready to let you go. But as soon as I saw a video of you this morning, tears just started pouring out of my eyes again. My heart, my head, and my chest started aching, and I started sobbing again, Mer. I missed you a lot, my dear girl. I missed your excited little steps when I came home; I missed playing and cuddling with you; and I missed seeing you, being just there, by my side, always accompanying me through the good and bad.

I wished I could have spent more time with you, my love. I'm sorry for being away, and for not being with you for the past 6 months. And I'm so sorry that we weren’t there for you at your last moments. This is our biggest regret, my dear Mer. You must have felt so sad and alone to sepnd your last days in a strange place without the people you love. But at least your pain is gone now, my dear. I hope you went to sleep with thoughts of us, your loving family accompanying you towards the end. I hope you closed your eyes knowing that you were, and are so so so so very loved. Thank you for coming into my life, my dear girl. I love you more than ever. You have made my life so much better. I hope you are now still running around, wagging your tail, and eating tasty treats, on the other side.

The truth is, it still hurts, Mer. I still can’t accept it. I did not know that you would leave us so soon. I still want to take you back home and at least to see you, hold you one last time. But there is nothing I can do, now, my love. So, I will slowly try to let you go; until one day, I can stop crying at the thought of you. But please know, that you will always be in my mind. Please don't feel sad for leaving, my dear, please be at peace. I love you so much, my sweet Merry, and I will see you in another lifetime.

Love,

Your human

Book spoilers

I’m currently reading one of the latest Stephen King books, Fairy Tale. In it, the main character is on a quest to bring an old dog near the end of its life to a mystical city in order to get it to a contraption that will hopefully reverse her aging.

As I was explaining the plot to a friend at a party on Friday night, I immediately start tearing up. I have exact same problem when I read this book when I’m at work (I substitute teach as a PT gig, so once you get the kids going, reading is a fantastic way to spend the time while still monitoring the students). At points when I read it, I look away, stare up at the ceiling, get up and pace the room or I pretend to blow my nose so I can wipe my eyes.

I have a 7 year old corgi. This guy IS my whole world. I had to wait almost 21years before I could get to a place where having a dog was feasible in my life. I wouldn’t be here on this planet w/o him by my side because of the myriad of things that have happened in my life until now. My greatest fear in the world is anything happening to him…like, I get paralyzed w/fear regarding this.

I know that even with the best estimates, I’m at his halfway point in life. I know he is also living his best life, we hike, we play, he gets really healthy food & snacks & really doesn’t want for anything. My phone is loaded w/photos & videos, we’ve gone on road trips around the country multiple times, so I know I’ll have so many memories.

But still…I read that book & it just hurts my soul. I’d give the world for my guy because he’s all I have, all I’ve ever had. I try to not let this darkness haunt me, to live in the here & now w/a healthy, funny, cute-as-fuck dog.

I feel as though I should be talking to someone now because being pre-sad over the passing of my best friend on this planet seems so freaking stupid and an incredible waste of time… and yet, here I am…

We had to put down our 18 year old boy on Monday and we recently got a call that his ashes were ready to be picked up. None of us are ready and the vet said not to rush, but I wanted to know what your guys experience is with this? My whole family is grieving, but my mom has been the worst, so when it comes to the ashes I’m sure I’ll be ready before she is and don’t want to bring them home too soon.

I had to say goodbye to my cat of 19th years Friday night. He passed away in my arms and I had to write something down to handle all my emotions. I have been an absolute mess and I can't wrap my head around that he's actually gone, for good. Anyway. I felt like sharing my feelings.

"My sweet and dearest P,

One more, if I could have just one more.

In the dark silence of the night as I held you tight in my arms, I told you: 'it's okay to let go, I'm here with you'. You looked at me with those golden eyes and you knew, just as I did. The moment you let go I wished you'd come back. One more hug, one more look in those eyes, one more headbump against mine, one more cuddle on the couch. Maybe if we could add up the one mores we would never get to the part where I had to let you go. But that is the thing with saying goodbye, there are never enough 'one mores'. Because if someone has a place in your heart you wish you could hold on to them forever.

I'll forever remember and cherish you in the little things. In the blanket you loved to sleep on for hours, in the front window where you used to sit on a cold december morning and wait because you thought it was quicker to get in, in the daisies that I used to put on your little head in spring, in the sunsets we enjoyed on those warm summer nights.

I'm grateful for the time we got to spend together even though it will always feel like it just wasn't enough. 19 amazing years of love and laughter. I'll look back on all the precious moments and cuddles we had with a glowing heart.

Just as your ear did, my heart now has a tiny hole in it. It will heal over time and get better but it will always be there and remind me of what an amazing fucking cat you were.

All my love, M 🌹"

All, my Yorkie passed away on Monday at age 14. Cause of death unknown. I don't know if I should have done something different to save him.

This past weekend he was perfectly fine. Running around and barking and acting crazy.

On Sunday night he threw up and had some diarrhea but it was nothing crazy. He's had this before and recoved. I had to fly for a work trip that evening by my partner was watching him.

On Monday morning she said he was fine eating and drinking. Then she went to work and noticed on our dog cam he was coughing. She rushed back home and saw him collapsed under a desk. She rushed him to the vet who put him on an IV and did s stomach scan. He had nothing in his stomach.

They said he was in critical condition. After 30 mins on the IV he perked up and they said he was doing better and it was a "hail marry" but we could watch him and if things got worse then take him to the ER. They said the ER would cost $8 to $10 thousand dollars. I told my partner that we can monitor him and if he's looking worse I don't care i'll pay the money for the ER whatever it takes for him to get better.

She takes him home and told me he's conscious and is looking up at her but looks weak. She's giving him water. Then he takes a turn for the worse. This was only 30-45 mins after leaving the VET. She rushes him to the ER but he died on the way. They tried CPR but it didn't work.

I feel bad because maybe if I didn't go on the work trip I could have monitored him. Maybe we should have went to the ER directly from the VET to play it extra safe. I don't know if it would have made a difference, but it haunts me that maybe i could have saved him if we did something different.

My sweet baby kitten Ellie passed on an hour ago. One minute she was fine and yelling at me, the next she was convulsing and throwing up. She didn't even make it to the vet, passed on the way. I only had her 3 weeks and I knew it was a strong possibility of her not making it as she had extreme malnourishment and weighed half of what she should weigh. I tried not to get attached, but I failed.

Yesterday she was feeling great and I started imagining what our life will be like together, now she's gone. She liked to sit on my shoulder, she was such a sweet baby. I just miss her so much.

Yesterday our beloved dog Sally died at 13.5 years. It was sudden, she was barking and wagging her tail, then 5 minutes later a heart attack took her from us.

I moved out a year ago so the last time I saw her was in January. I’m back home today and it’s so hard being here. It feels so wrong - her food is still here, her bed still smells like her. I’m just waiting for her to come along the corner and bark at me.

I’m glad to be home with my family and support my mom (this is the hardest on her - Sally was her soul dog), but god it’s so sad. It feels like my childhood is gone. I feel like I lost a sister and want to throw up. I know logically it was the best way for her to go - she lived a long, happy life and was at home with her family. I just miss her so much and don’t want to forget her.

If anyone has suggestions on ways to memorialize a pet, feel free to let me know. Finishing this by listing my favorite things about Sally: her spirit, how funny she was, how she was so particular about what she liked, how much she supported us, her smile, the way she loved my mom, and just the joy she gave to us for 13 years. Even though this is horrible pain - I wouldn’t trade the time we had with her for anything.

ok rant done going to go ice my eyes from the sobbing.

My 15 year old cat died on Thursday. He had hypertension and hyperthyroidism, but still was very spry and happy so it came as a shock. I was holding him and put him down and he started rolling around like he had a seizure, and died about two minutes later. I don’t know what caused it and am so scared that I might have accidentally hit his head or put him down wrong and given him a heart attack. I don’t want his last thoughts to be that I hurt him. Feelings of guilt are normal, but how do others live with it?

Yesterday, my wife and I took my best friend of 10 years (Vader the pug) to the vet to say goodbye. It may have been the hardest day of my life so far. But I wanted to share my experience and advice for anyone considering it or about to go through it.

1. When we arrived at our appointment (scheduled euthanasia) we were taken to a private room with a big comfy couch. We probably waited there for 20 minutes before someone came to take Vader to a treatment room and put in an IV. Then he was brought back to us.

I wouldn't trade these moments for the world. It was a time without any distractions that I could focus on giving all my love and attention to Vader. My forearm was cramping from scratching his chest so much (his favorite). We told him how amazing he was and that he was such a Good Boy, over and over and over. I understand some may have to make the decision to let go of their pet emergently, and may not have this time. But take it if you can.

2. The vet came in and offered the perfect words about how she commended us for being an advocate for Vader. He had lived a 10 year life full of happiness, and any further time would have been very painful for him.

This was so comforting, as I didn't want this to be a decision I would regret. I'm still in so much pain, but I know it was the right choice for my Best Friend because he is no longer in pain. Letting go is so, so difficult, but don't be afraid to make that decision for your pet on their behalf. You've been so, so good to them and given them an amazing life and tons of love. You have been their everything. You are amazing to them.

3. The vet then explained that after pushing the first drug, Vader would go to sleep, but she still encouraged us to talk because Vader may still hear us. However, when she pulled out the first med, I recognized it as propofol. With the dose she was about to push, it's almost certain that Vader would be completely unconscious and unaware of anything (I'm a doctor, and I've had propofol for a procedure before). I told my wife to start petting and comforting Vader before and while the vet pushed it. As the med went in, Vader put his head down gently and went to sleep, just like he would have if he was on our couch at home :(

Big tip: Do not wait to tell your pet what they need to hear until after the sedative goes in. Tell your pet how much you love them and what a good boy or girl they are before the sedative is given, and continue to do so while the sedative is being pushed. The last thing your pet will consciously experience are these few seconds.

4. After the sedative, the vet pushed the drug to stop Vader's heart. We were still petting him and talking to him, but I knew it was over. The vet listened to his heart and told us Vader was gone. We hugged his back and kissed his head one last time. The vet asked it we wanted more time with him. I said no (in between my sobs). She then picked him up very gently and carried his body out of the room. I watched, and ended up seeing that Vader's eyes were open as she carried him through the door, and it shut.

Tip: Consider not spending extra time with your passed pet after the meds go in. Some people may disagree with me, and I understand. But death is an ugly thing (I have a lot of experience with it in humans), and you may want to minimize your trauma after your pet has passed. I very much regret watching Vader's dead body being carried away, and my heart almost stopped when I felt as though my little buddy had made eye contact with me as he was carried away from me through 'the last door.' I can't get this moment out of my head, and I'm fearful I never will. Again, consider not spending any more time with death than you need to, and I recommend turning your head or covering your eyes as your passed pet is carried away.

5. We collected ourselves and walked out the door. I'm in so much emotional pain, and I miss Vader so, so, so bad. I cried like a baby all day yesterday. Today, that empty depressed feeling that is oh so terrible has dominated my feelings. I've learned that to make that feeling go away, I either need to play with my children, or watch some videos of Vader to MAKE me cry again. Crying feels better than just sitting around depressed.

Tip: Grieve how YOU need to, and be open to learn how to grieve. I thought I would try to avoid pics and videos of Vader, but doing so just gave me a hollow, void feeling. I learned that I need to look at our memories with him, and let the flooding emotions come. If I'm doing something else, I'm okay, I guess. I'm not sure how long this will last, and I'm very sad.

Thanks for anyone that read all this, and hopefully it helps at least one other person.