The Rainbow Bridge

I just had an experience I wanted to share with you all. I'd made a post yesterday about having to say goodbye to my 18 year old grey tabby Charlie. I've been really struggling with guilt and regret since I helped him cross the rainbow bridge.

Today was the second day waking up without him sleeping on my lap. As soon as I remembered, I felt sick to my stomach. By the time I was done in the bathroom, I was sobbing. I reached out to a friend and asked to talk, and they stayed on the phone with me for almost four hours today and I am so grateful for them. They let me talk about Charlie and all the feelings I was having. They had a pretty traumatic loss of both their cats a few years ago, so they could relate. It did make me feel better, but not long after I got of the phone I was crying again. I considered getting a Cuddle Clone or something similar, but they are so expensive. Then I found custom pillow prints on Amazon and ordered one with a picture of him to put behind my pillow where he always used to lay. Then I took a shower and totally broke down again. Like real bad. I was having a lot of negative thoughts about myself and like legit was starting to get concerned for my mental health. But then something kind of amazing happened. And it's weird because I am not a religious person. Not even really a spiritual person. But I consider myself agnostic because I WANT to believe there's more out there. I feel like there is. There has to be. And I want to believe in spirits. And I think what happened tonight has possibly made me cross the line between wanting to believe to believing.

Because I was at my lowest yet... like really. I have never been so emotional that I actually lose control of my body, but I feel like that's how it's been over the past couple days. Just crying and shaking and my body just moving on it's own. I literally collapsed in the shower. I mean, I didn't fall, but my legs got weak and I had to kneel down, holding myself up by the side of the tub. I started clawing at my hair, like seriously kind of losing my stuff. Never happened to me before in my life. But then, when I was at my worst, my arms moved into a cradling position, just as they did when I would hold him in my arms. I closed my eyes and started moving my hand like I was petting him, just letting the muscle memory take over. I imagined his beautiful face. So clear still in my mind. Looked into his beautiful eyes and started talking to him. Started telling him all the things I wanted him to know. Like how much I loved him, how sorry I was, and how lost I am without him. And I swear, I could feel his presence. It was like he was really with me, resting in my arms again. I could feel him there, like he always was. And when he left, I swear could feel him ascend. Just float away. And it made me sad for a second, but then I was like... did that just happen? Am I losing it for real? But no... I think he was really there. And I think he could understand me. I think he understood everything I was trying to say. And I could see in his eyes that he forgave me. That he loved me and didn't want me to be sad.

And as this was happening, something occurred to me. All this pain I was feeling. The only reason it's so intense is because the love and bond between us was so strong. And what an incredible gift that is. The love of a pet. So pure and sweet and simple. What an incredible thing it is that we as pet owners get to experience. I had the privilege of having this amazing, perfect boy in my life for 18 incredible years. I loved him and he loved me. So freaking much. And I realized, there is no downside to any of this. He lived a good, long, healthy life and I got to give that to him. Me! What did I do to deserve such joy and happiness? I mean, how freaking lucky am I? Of all the cats I could have picked. Of all the owners he could have had. We found each other. A match made in heaven. Truly, I didn't deserve him. But he deserved everything I could give and more. And I like to believe he was lucky to have me too. My daughter pointed out if I didn't love him and take good care of him, he wouldn't have lived so long. And she's right. I did good for him. And he gave me so much too.

I loved him so much. And he loved me too. I could tell when I looked in his eyes how much he loved me. Just so happy every time I talked to him or pet him or even looked at him. And I knew, I realized right then, he wouldn't want me to hurt this way. I could see him, I remembered the look in his eyes when I started crying holding him when I started to know. With such concern and worry. He wouldn't want me to suffer like this. No pet would want their beloved owner to suffer just because they had to say goodbye. For now.

It's kind of crazy, but... I feel so much better after that. I feel like I got to talk to him and hold him again. I got to express all the things I wanted to him and say goodbye. I mean, I did while he was alive. But I donno if he could really understand. But I feel that his spirit could. I truly believe his soul connected with mine in that moment. That he came to me to comfort me because he could see I was doing so bad. And I knew then that he wasn't gone. I could feel him still with me, here in my heart. I still can. He's here, and will always be as long as I live. Because of everything he's done for me. The mark he left on my life. The way he changed me. I know for certain that I know what love is, thanks to him. And what grief is, which I am thankful for too. Never in my life have I loved someone so much, save for my daughter and my other kitty. And though it hurts, he was truly a gift. And he will always live on within me. His energy, his spirit, it is a part of my soul and we will never truly be separated. I believe that now.

I know grief comes in waves, so I know I will probably break down again and again, but I feel better right now... I was feeling like I was drowning, but once I got out of the shower I felt like I was finally able to come up for air. I feel a little more like myself again and was able to finally eat, as I haven't eaten hardly anything since I said goodbye. Even actually found my mind drifting to things other than just focusing on my heartache over him. Yeah... for the first time in two days... I'm starting to think, okay... I'm gonna get through this... maybe I'm gonna be okay after all...

Thank you, Charlie. My sweet baby boy, for choosing me. For being with me and for everything you gave me. You were my everything. My whole heart. My soul. And you will always be my precious baby boy. I love you, sweetheart. I promise I'll be okay and I'll take good care of your little sissy. Don't worry. I know you're probably busy up there in Kitty Heaven with all your old friends, running around, chasing mice, enjoying feeling young and healthy again. But please come visit me whenever you want. All the time. Every day. You'll always have a home right here with me. Now, forever and always. My one and only special, wonderful you. ❤️

I really want to get to the point where I can smile every time I see your photos instead of wanting to throw up. iPhones being cruel, it keeps suggesting your photos all the time… I don’t want to hit the “see less of Renji” option because that feels like a betrayal.

I miss you so much and my family doesn’t let me talk about you anymore. I feel guilty anytime I’m near another cats. My heart breaks whenever I hear other cats talk a little bit too much like you.

It’s only been 2 months but I don’t remember how you felt, I don’t remember the last time I brushed you or washed you. The last time you fell asleep in my arms. I can barely remember your weight on me or against me. I feel like a really bad fur-mom. I ended a 11+ year friendship over you…. You died under her watch, you died from ingesting a poison. She can plead her innocence all she wants, I will never forgive her: Honestly, I can’t find the strength to talk to others anymore either. I really don’t want to live years after you, we were supposed to grow old together, not just have 4 years.

I already waited a life time to meet you. I knew someday I’d meet the cat who would heal me, the perfect cat for me. We only got 4 short years and I’m really grateful for everyday I got to spend with you but it’s not fair. I don’t want to go day by day without you here with me.. I can’t even look at your ashes anymore, I had to put you back into the bag that your urn came in. I just don’t understand how all this happened so fast. I took care of you obsessively. You were the best cat I’ve ever known and will ever know but now I have to spend the rest of my life looking for a little bit of you in everyone, every cat or dog, I meet and knowing they’ll never live up to you. I had so many plans for us, I even thought you’d be at my wedding and one of my graduations. I feel like my heartbeat is gone. I can’t get comfortable at night and sleep anymore. I cant stop crying over you.

Hi Reddit. This is my first time posting. I (26F) really don't know how to cope with this situation. Last night was a regular Sunday night, I was on the couch watching Netflix before going to bed. At 21:50 I got one message from my mum that just said "Hi," and I immediately knew that the next message wouldn't be good news because my parents are usually fast asleep by 21:00. So if I get a message or call from them this late, it's either because someone died/is dying/was in an accident/is in the hospital. Of course, seconds after that, her next message said that they were at the vet with our family dog (8M), and they had just found out that he had spleen cancer. It came out of nowhere - there had been no signs. He's a German Shepherd, so he has definitely slowed down at this point in his life, but otherwise, until yesterday, he had been eating, playing, sleeping, and living normally. Every day, he was going on walks, playing outside with my mum, running around the yard, barking at anything that moved, eating all of his regular meals and snacks, and napping a few times a day. He's actually never had any health issues - even arthritis was something that had only started to affect him recently. We had another German Shepherd when I was growing up, and he lived to 11 years. We had to put him down because his hip dysplasia had progressed to the point where he couldn't walk anymore. Anyway, the point is, there was nothing to suggest to my family that our dog was doing poorly. We took it for granted that he would have more time because there weren't any warning signs, and he was experiencing the same inevitable degenerative and ageing conditions that our first German Shepherd had. When my parents took him to the emergency vet last night because he had gone into shock, they learnt that there was effectively nothing they could do to save him. They called me the first time at 21:56 to let me know what was going on, and then they video called me 10 minutes later once they had made the impossible decision to put him down. I got to see him for a few minutes before he crossed the rainbow bridge. It didn't help. My mum was holding him and was inconsolable. My dad was in shock and couldn't really explain what was happening. My poor boy was breathing so rapidly and was obviously in so much pain. I didn't know how to respond to the situation. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I wish I could've been there to hold him and tell him how much I love him and what a great dog he was. We got him when I was 17 and in my last year of high school. I've been living across the country from my family since I was 18 because I attended university here and got a full-time job here after graduation. Since moving out, I’ve mostly seen my dog over winter and summer vacations from uni, the time I lived with my parents during the pandemic, and my occasional visits for religious holidays and family gatherings now that I've started working. I've always known that he would possibly have to be put down while I was away if anything happened. I just thought I would have the chance to say goodbye the way he deserved because nothing had happened until last night. Especially because my parents are moving to a town 2 hours away from me. I thought that when his time (as we had imagined it) came, I would be able to do that. Consider a 2-hour drive to get to the vet hospital vs. the cross-country flight and hour of driving that I would currently have to do to get there. This is in an ideal world where his spleen hadn't ruptured, and he had just experienced the same health concerns that my first German Shepherd had. Recently I was visiting my parents for the holidays and I left to come back home on the 2nd of January. If I had even considered the possibility that that would have been the last time I saw my dog, I would have hugged him, kissed him, given him scratches and said goodbye properly instead of just a few pets on his head as I was rushing out the door to get to the airport. My parents are devastated. I'm devastated. I know that I've spent most of my dog's life away from him, so I shouldn't be taking it this hard but I raised him from the time he was a puppy, and he's still my boy, the pet that I was closest to. I just don't know how to process my grief over him being gone and not being there when it happened. Does anyone have any advice, or has anyone experienced something similar?

my family's cat unfortunately became paralyzed from the waist down and the vet said keeping her alive would be cruel (and also take someone caregiving for her almost 24/7).

i heard the news tonight the night of my birthday, about 30 minutes after she was put to sleep. i felt numb, honestly, but now i just can't stop crying. i'm driving back to my college and i'm so angry that i had to leave, i just miss my cat and my brother and my dad so much. i know they're proud of me for going and making such a big step but i feel like im missing everything that happens in my family, and now my brother and i's baby girl is gone. and i didn't even get to say goodbye.

i saved her once before when she had a really bad injury, and she miraculously made a full recovery. sprocket was a feral cat that just kinda showed up at our house one day, we never knew where she came from and she didn't have a chip. but she was so friendly even if she was a bit of a brat sometimes, she had a habit of biting you when you pet her or playing with her if she got too happy. i wish i could have felt it one last time, it sounds so weird but even just that would make me happy to know she was feeling such overwhelming joy.

i miss you sprocket. so much

I lost my best friend yesterday, she was a 9yo, 2kg tiny chihuahua, the sweetest and most well behaved baby. Last year I found out she had a really big tumor in her belly and the vet tried to remove it but couldn't bc she wasn't going to resist the surgery. It all happened really fast and I don't know what to do or how to feel, on friday she suddenly started bleeding a lot and when we took her to the vet he told us her tumor had grown three times its size. He gave her treatment and I really thought she was going to be okay, but unfortunately she started bleeding more that night and I thought she wasn't going to resist. Yesterday morning I took her for her second dose of medicine but when we got home she started having a lot of pain and I knew it was time. She had lost a lot of blood and her little body was going into shock. I feel really bad for having to make the choice, I know it was for the best but I really miss the noise her little paws made and her beautiful little face, maybe it sounds dumb but she was my support in the worst times. I just want to hug her again and kiss her little head. I also have another two dogs (they're my mom's and sister's dogs) and I feel really sad when they come into my room looking for her. She really was the love of my life and I don't know how to cope with the feelings:((

I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I (23M) just had to put down my 14 year old dog. She would’ve been 15 at the end of the month.

Shes been with me through everything. I am an only child, and I had no real friends growing up, but I had her. She was with me when my parents divorced, highschool, university, breakups, when I went through the worst depression, through everything.

She had a few seizures in the past few months but tonight it didn’t stop. She let out the most heartbreaking sounds that I wish I could get out of my head.

I don’t know what to think or feel as this is my first experience with loss. All I know is that my bestfriend isn’t here anymore.

We took the appointment, it’s going to be in five days.

Jago is my soul dog. I have had a few family dog, but he is the first dog that’s truly mine, that I got as an adult, that I picked up from the shelter and brought home on a cheap leash.

We have had nine beautiful years together. He went from a rowdy shelter dog which would pay no attention to his owner to a well trained dog, athletic, active. 2 hours of walks a day, often spent chasing bunnies (he would never catch!) at the local woods, jumping on and off stuff at the park. He loves snuggling with me on the couch, under the blanket, curled in a ball and pressing against me. It’s the best thing in the world. He’s seen me through the breakups and new relationships, moving places. he’s traveled with me. he’s the best boy.

He’s been battling an awful autoimmune disease for the past 8 months. He’s gone from a very active dog to not even being able to stand up to eat, pee or poop. We’ve done everything we could, he’s been followed by the best vet clinic in the country. Nothing has worked. In December, we finally thought we had a cure that was going to work, we very very hopeful. But the disease kept eating at him. He’s lost basically all use of his hind legs and is losing his front legs. The cure didn’t work, it only gave him a horrible skin condition and hair loss as a side effect.

We saw the vets on Friday, and they said the disease has progressed too much. There is maybe one more molecule we could try, but that would not bing him back, it’d just keep him stable. There’s no chance of getting any mobility back. They said the best thing to do would be to accompany him to the end of his life.

I knew this was coming. Yet when the vets said ‘we think we’re at the end of the line’, I could not help break into tears. It’s been non-stop since Friday, the dam in my eyes bursting out at the most unexpected moments. I walk around numb, my limbs feel like stone, sounds and people feel far away. The hardest thing is that although his body has betrayed him, his mind is still there. He has the same look in his eyes, the same curiosity, the same presence of spirit. He can’t move, but if I tell him ‘paw’ or ‘speak’, he’ll still try his best. He’s such a good boy.

We took the appointment with the vet on Friday, he is going to come in the evening, after his clinic hours. We chose to do it at home, my boy has been in and out of vet clinics for the past eight months, and I want to spare him that in the last few hours of his life. He is going to pass on his bed, my ex, my current partner and myself will be holding him. I want him to be comfortable. A few friends will be dropping by over the next days to say goodbye to him. He loves people and I know he will love to see them and say goodbye before he goes.

This hurts so bad. I know it’s the right choice, I know this is no life for him. Having to drag himself to poo or pee just a few steps away from his bed, not being able to do anything, the disease progressively eating every muscle fibre in his body. Yet it feels like the hardest thing I’ve had to do, I don’t know how I’ll be able to look him in the eyes when the vet will come home. I feel so sorry, and guilty, and sad that it had to go this way. I hope he understands. I love him so much, he’s taught me so much. I feel so grateful for having had him in my life. He’s been so brave, I wish I were half as brave.

I’ll make sure he’ll have the best last five days he can have, I’ll tell him how much I love him, I’ll lift him up on the couch and let him rest next to me. He’s my boy and he’ll forever be. I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye, I hope I’ll se him again one day.

I lost my childhood dog of 14 years about two weeks ago and just an hour or so ago, my pet hamster died. They both died from old age but this is the first time I have ever experienced death so close to my home. My dog has a major heart condition and survived way longer than anyone expected and my hamster was at the end stages of life so I knew this day was coming, but I could never prepare for the emotions that come with it. I never knew I could feel such heartbreak and sorrow for such a small little animal. He liked to be alone but even just seeing him eat his nuts or drink his water brought me so much joy and happiness.

I love animals and I know that my true calling in life is surrounded by them. Taking care and advocating for animals is what brings me joy, happiness, and peace, but the amount of pain I feel for the two I just lost, is immeasurable. I also have these thoughts going through my head that I feel a sense of relief for their passing but I feel so wrong and disgusting for feeling that way. I knew my dog and hamster were going to pass way soon and I was so exhausted with worry and grief about their impending passing. My dog had a major heart condition and survived way longer than anyone expected and my hamster was dying of old age. I feel relief but I also feel so empty and alone.

My Oscar, a 5month old lab retriever, was the cutest and the most energetic pup to ever exist. He was white with dark black eyes and the naughtiest smile. Ever since we bought him and Emmy (another lab of the same age) in October last year, my world revolved around them. Taking them to work every morning, bringing them back in the evening - they loved sticking their heads out of the car window every time. Especially Oscar, he would need an entire window to himself haha. While emmy still struggles to climb onto beds or couches, Oscar mastered it all when he was only 10 weeks old. Now you can imagine how notorious he was. He was supremely attached to me and my brother. Every time he was on my brother’s lap and I tried to hit my brother, Oscar would just started barking and attack me. He would then keep his paws on my brother’s shoulder in order to protect him. Last week I found out he had parvovirus ; I researched a lot and found out that puppies do survive when given care but despite timely care, IV fluids at the vet hospital , warmth and love yet my poor Oscar couldn’t make it. He breathed his last on Sunday morning and currently my Emmy who is also suffering my parvovirus is battling for life. I don’t believe in God anymore after my baby left this world. But if there is anything that can save my Emmy cause she is all I have now, I would give them the world. I miss my baby and I can’t see emmy suffering the same way. My heart aches in a way that feels unimaginable and I don’t think the pain will ever get better. Please help. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Late Tuesday night I woke up to find that my sweet 7 month old kitten had crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We only had her for about 5 months, but she was our best friend — spunky, vocal, daring, cuddly and all around sweet as could be. Earlier that night, we had played a bunch with her wands and her tunnel. Ever since we brought her home, she liked to rummage around under the bed for a little while. I didn’t think anything of it because when it came time for her pre-bed treats, she ran right out and then snuggled up next to my head to sleep.

I am feeling so guilty because just a few minutes before she must have passed, I thought I heard the sound of her throwing up but rolled over to sleep again. When I realized she hadn’t jumped back in bed with me, I woke up and found her limp on the floor and already gone — most likely a cardiac issue. I also can’t shake the feeling that this time, she may have been in pain and trying to hide under the bed, and I didn’t pay attention. I can only hope it was fast, and that she didn’t feel abandoned when I didn’t notice the signs.

I miss her everywhere I go. We would go on walks, drive her to my girlfriend’s house an hour away for the weekend (which she loved— so many windows and a big backyard to explore), invent the most ridiculous treat boxes or enrichment even when all she wanted was the wand. I miss her waking me up in the morning, the sound of her scooping her litter, the sight of her big stretch when I got home from work. The birds remind me of her, food reminds me of her (she loved to sniff and sometimes steal our food), just sitting in bed reminds me of her curling up next to my head or in my armpit. It’s hard to walk through any door without expecting to look down and see her, darting around my feet. I am just waiting to dream of her, and I’ve been trying to sleep early in the hope she will pay me a visit.

I am going to miss her so much. I know life will bring another kitty my way, but I am also afraid no cat will compare and will feel guilty that she didn’t have the time she deserved with us.

Rest easy Winnie Pickle. 💜 Any kind words or advice for some of the guilt I’m feeling would be much appreciated.

Hi, i never thought i would fond myself turning to reddit for solace but here i am. I just put down my 6yr old dog, Baxter, after only two years of having him. The best way to describe Baxter is misunderstood. We were his third owners over his entire life and we aimed to be his last. Having him the past two years has felt like wayyy more than two years. Baxter is my soul dog. Today was slightly out of the ordinary because my parents came into town for my birthday, but we were just hanging out then Baxter started to dry heave. then he just started to drool. My boyfriend and I took him to the emergency vet and within an hour they told us that due to a previous injury (some sort of hard impact) his bowels were in his chest and they would have to do an extensive surgery to repair them that he didn’t have the strength to undergo. There was no other option but to let him go. The vet told us that this was something that was bound to happen at some point… whether it was today or in two years. I’m torn and distraught and angry at the world. It was too soon and all i can do is just sit and cry. Dog loss is hard and I never expected it to happen so soon and so suddenly. Last night he was kicking it with us watching 90 Day Fiance and today he is crossing the rainbow bridge..

It’s hard to also think that I only had him two years and he left more than an impact on my boyfriend and I. I had to get my thoughts down so I could try to get some sleep but i’m sorry to anyone who has gone thru this pain. Thanks for reading- sending love to anyone who needs it

This is my first post on here…not really sure what I’m doing. While searching for answers, I came across this page and just figured I’d get this out.

My dog - my best boy of 9 years, unexpectedly passed away yesterday. Kaner was a healthy black lab/border collie mix who loved life with his entire being. In the past year, he had regained his youthfulness and joy, as he had lost two of his older siblings in 2021 and 2022. We adopted his sister, Kirby, in 2023; she helped reignite the spark that Kaner had. Despite having a bit of arthritis in his back legs, Kaner had a clean bill of health. Always had very positive vet visits - his last in November was as usual.

Yesterday, my dad was planning on taking the dogs on their routine Saturday morning walks. These walks were amongst Kaner’s most favorite things in the world. Everything was normal that morning. Kaner ate as normal, he had energy, and he was excited when my dad loaded him and Kirby into the truck to go to their usual trail. Right as my dad pulled into the parking lot, as Kaner sat up (since he knew they were there) he yelped. Just seconds after, Kaner fell lifeless. My dad slammed on the breaks, got out and went to check on him, Kaner was unfortunately gone. Just like that. The vet was across the street and my dad drove over, begging them to help Kaner, but they told him he was gone.

When I got the call, I was devastated. I’ve only heard my dad cry a handful of times, but never the way I heard on the phone that morning. It crushed me, along with the fact that my best friend was just gone. We had just celebrated his birthday 2 weeks ago. It didn’t feel right…it still doesn’t feel right. Kaner was my rock, he got me through multiple brain tumors, breakups, the stresses of life…he was my world.

I guess I’m writing this because I’m sitting here with the heaviest weight on my chest, experiencing a grief like none other that I’ve ever felt. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop trying to convince myself that this isn’t real. I can’t stop trying to rationalize it all. I’m so sad and angry that Kaner was just taken from us in a second, on his way to do one of his favorite things in the world. I’m upset because 4 days ago, I told him I’d see him soon, not expecting that he’d be taken from me.

I’m hurting, this pain is unbearable and I don’t know how I’m going to continue on past this. Kaner was everything to me. I feel so empty now.

 We have a litter of English mastiff puppies, they are six weeks as of this past Thursday. There were nine total, but their mother had a difficult birth and we lost three, leaving us with six healthy pups. They all have distinct personalities and quirks now, and love to play and cuddle.
 Last Tuesday, we had to have one of the pups put to sleep. That previous Sunday morning as the puppies ran to greet us, she couldn't get up and attempted to drag herself towards the gate. We separated her from the others immediately and attempted to assess the situation, we held out hope for a few days that it was a superficial injury and she just needed time. When she stopped eating and drinking, we syringe fed her. Stayed with her round the clock. 
 On her last day, she was so weak she could not even raise up. We knew past that point that we couldn't help her. Taking her to the vet, we knew what they would likely say after we had spent the past three days doing our own research. The vet confirmed it was a major spinal injury, likely a ruptured disk. There is almost no corrective surgery for a dog that young, even if we could have afforded it. With an injury like that, it could have only really happened from her mother stepping on her accidently before bed that Saturday.
 We made the decision that we wouldn't let her suffer through more pain or syringe feeding. She behaved so well for the vet, and I took solace in the fact that she had no idea what was about to happen. I held her in my arms as the doctor gave her the meds. She was gone in seconds, she was already so weak. 
 With the cold temperatures, we weren't able to take the pups outside to play up until the day she got hurt. We took the rest of her siblings outside to play because we didn't know when we would get another nice day. Still holding out hope it was a sprain at that point, we kept her inside to rest. I regret that more than anything else I think. That she never got to feel the grass under her paws, or get muddy, or chase fallen leaves. I wish so badly that she could grow up with her siblings. 
 We are already starting to find homes for her brothers and sisters and it hurts me to know that we will never get to find her one. She was the sweetest in the litter and I know she would have made such a good girl when she got older. 
 I'm not really sure what my goal is posting here. Thank you for reading anyways. 

My family had to put our family dog down suddenly. He was 14 years old (heck he would of been 14.5 years old now if he was still here) but I guess I can’t get over the idea of even the fact that it might all be my fault.

Back in early to mid November, most likely on a Sunday, I thought I saw him ate something in our backyard and I completely forgot to tell my mom about it. I remember seeing him chew grass or something, I’m not even sure anymore as I write this since it was so long ago, and I yelled at our dog like I always do. my dad had to help me to stop him and make him come inside since my dog never listened to me.

I usually tell my mom since I always had anxiety related to that but due to the holidays and everything I just completely forgot to tell her about it when she came home later on Sunday. Looking back I’m not exactly sure which Sunday it might have been.

On a Wednesday though, not sure if days later or over a week later since my memory is very bad, while I was at work my mom told me there was diarrhea in the backyard. I felt anxious about it thinking the what if it was from what I thought I saw him ate, but we mainly gave him chicken and rice to help him feel better and he was doing better. We always did this in the past when this happened and it always worked and helped him out. Also whenever he ate poop in the past it was usually fine.

That was until he started throwing up later on. Originally I thought it was due to old age, but now I look back upset about it. He started throwing up weekly according to my mother and she did contact the vet, the vet told my mother to get him pepto or something. He didn’t like it, and he would again, throw up once a week. He also had on and off diarrhea that smelled very bad, and farts that smelled bad. I’m not sure if my mom knew about the farts but I did and now I look back angry at myself for not telling my mom, even though I debated whether or not to or if she already knew. He also had a to my knowledge a singular white poop but Google is not the best for answers but it’s better to go see a vet.

This sadly went on for a few or so weeks,until we finally took him to the vet.

He had an appointment but looking back I wish I made my mom take him sooner, and my mom wishes that she did take him sooner but other than that he seemed fine to us. I did have anxiety and always did over what if he gets a parasite or something.

It turned out he had Giardia and we got antibiotics for it, but since he was old he was also having the start of kidney issues. He already had a heart murmur and liver issues since he was around 12, so we ordered food to help out like the vet told us to and we tried to give him his antibiotics.

We did this for about a day or two days even, and up until then he seemed to be acting normal and eating as usual. He did leave a couple of kibbles of food in his bowl when he ate for the past few weeks but we just thought it was him being funny.

Then out of nowhere when we came home from Christmas Eve, he started to shake after he ate something my mom gave him and made this weird face, he ran into his cage. I sadly went upstairs since I tried to give him water, but my mom and my sister(the dog expert of the family) yelled at me and I felt offended. Apparently during that time, my dog kept pooping in the cage. Supposedly there was some blood in it, or my dad made a joke about him having a hemorrhoid. My sister went to google and supposedly it said that it might be due to the antibiotics working so we didn’t think much of it. We then went to sleep, my dad stayed downstairs with our dog. At around 2 am our dog was throwing up again, my sister noticed his gums were pale and then from that we went to the emergency vet. We honestly thought he might be allergic to his antibiotics cause of the vomiting and since that happened before when he was on antibiotics for something else.

After the car ride our dog seemed fine. We then got him checked in. They did his bloodwork, a chest x-ray, and ultrasound.

From what I remember since the news brought me into so much shock was that he was about anemic. It turned out he had inflammation in his abdominal area, a tumor on his spleen that due to his age is more likely cancer than not, and his heart wasn’t doing so well even with emergency medicine. He would have needed pacemaker surgery but due to time and the age of him there was a chance he wouldn’t even make the surgery, it was just a hard realization. The emergency vet told us it was time to let him go, since it would have been traumatic for us and for him if we didn’t and brought him home, he would have most likely collapse.

I am still in shock by it since we just took him to the vet about week or even days earlier and he was fine according to them and with the bloodwork. I still have guilt and regret around it, and if anything wish we took him to the vet sooner.

I have a friend irl who is a vet tech that keeps telling me that, the Giardia was the least of the worries, but I just still feel guilty about it and how things went down. I knew I should have told my mom, but even she had doubts and was second guessing. My mom also thinks that because of Giardia and what vets told her I guess or what she read online, there’s a chance he might of had it even before then and we didn’t know or he might of gotten it from a walk cause he always liked to sniff stuff and sometimes he would eat a thing or two or accident on his walks.

I also just want answers. The emergency vet told our regular vet about his passing only and I guess our regular vet came to the conclusion that the tumor on his spleen might of ruptured/burst which caused this all to happen. I’m just still confused, like wouldn’t they see that in the ultrasound or something at the emergency vet. I get our dog was also overweight but wouldn’t they feel it or something too at a regular vet?!

I also get their human and mistakes can be made and stuff can go unnoticed but idk anymore. His bloodwork was also a bit weird according to my mom when we went to the regular vet for the antibiotics and now I’m wondering what were they thinking.

My mom for some reason has memory of it being brought up since we had to get him chest x-rays for his heart, and someone mentioned seeing something on his spleen but wasn’t sure. She said she found a note about it in his binder of all of his files, but I’m not sure what since when I looked I didn’t find anything.

I just wish I had answers cause this all driving me nuts. I even have anxiety attacks at times during grief about all this since it’s always been a fear of mine of something bad happening to our dog under my watch. I’m also questioning myself on if I’m evil and all that too for all this. Like I just let him d word and could have saved him, if I only said something and I knew I probably should have both then and now. Like I knew something was wrong, or maybe it was all just the anxiety talking.

My friend who’s a vet tech even told me his life was probably only going to be like a hair-thin left even he we went to the vet sooner but I still just feel bad about it.

If you’ve read this whole thing thank you btw. I’ve just have so many questions and thoughts.

Today I had to make a very hard decision.. the last couple weeks my cat was sick .. and I was taking care of her the best I could. These past few days she looked like she was getting better keeping her fed loved and made sure she had water .. so I went to sleep, and when I woke up I couldn’t find her for a min. Then I got the idea to check my closet, she wasn’t on the floor she was breathing but unresponsive. I rushed her to the ER and the doctor told me that she’s to weak for tests and had a 5% chance of making it … I spent the last hour of her life by her side and then had to make the difficult decision.. Her name was Pixie and was 3 -4 yrs old … she was one of my bestest friends ever and my other cat who was close to her was wondering why she didn’t come back home , him and I are close too been crying all day I miss her 😭😭

Its almost been half a year.

Half a year without hearing your purrs.

Half a year without feeling you asleep on my bed

Half a year without seeing you asleep on my windowsill.

Half a year without touching your soft fur.

Half a year without you playing with me.

Half a year since you left me alone in this world.

Half a year since I got to see those beautiful majestic eyes of yours.

Half a year and yet I still feel your absence and loss.

My beautiful cat lola, passed away on august the 16 2024, whilst I was on holiday. I never got to say goodbye, I never got to stroke her one more time. I never go to hold her or play with her. I never got to feed her one more time. My life felt empty on august the 16th because I no longer had my partner with me. She was gone too soon, and i barely had anytime to grieve before my parents brought two new cats to 'help us'. Due to the lack of time I got to grieve, Im stuck in an endless cycle of depression, grief, sadness and cries.

I love you my sweet angel. I couldnt wait for me and you to have our own place so you could watch the best sunsets each night.

This comes as a bit of a long story--because it took awhile to process it all. I feel like I'm at a manageable point, but putting it out there feels cathartic to share.

We put down one of our family dogs two weeks ago. I say "family" because while he was registered under one person, he really was a shared dog that we enjoyed trading back and forth during some weekends and weekdays. We never knew his real age, because despite knowing him as far back as the mid '00s we didn't really adopt him until later when the owner died, and us fearing where he would end up took it upon ourselves to integrate him with our existing family of dogs.

Early on, he would sleep in my room but over time the more I was at work he would slowly grow to imprint on my sister and would prefer to stay with her most of the time. She loved him, as he did her. Despite already being considered old for his age, he continued to be just as vibrant as a puppy--and he still remained just as well despite all the health issues he encountered as he continued to age. We managed to get several great years out of him.

Then, like any circumstance of years--he just stopped doing things we'd expect him to do. He stopped wanting to play, his hearing disappeared, his eyesight withered, and he started walking in endless circles. Then on the worst days, he'd fall to one side and couldn't get back up without assistance. He'd howl if he wasn't helped. Sometimes, you'd wake up randomly in the night to hear those howls--and take the time to comfort him back to sleep. We brought him into the new year because we saw it symbolic of not wanting to leave him behind, as he was going to cross the bridge sooner--if not for my offer to look after him a little longer. He enjoyed the new year, we spoiled him but as early as it was--the writing on the wall showed signs that it was time to wish him well on his journey ahead of us.

That last day, and the days where he was with me leading up to it--they replay in my mind during the slower days, or when there's "calm" music playing in the background.

A morning spent trying to buy him food that he enjoyed, his having a nice meal, and topped off with a nice nap before being ferried to the clinic to his next stage. It's hard to look at those pictures we took, knowing that in that point in time that's where his story ends--no new shots will exist. We decided it best if there were no pictures after his passing. As we were in that clinic, I kept telling him stories he couldn't hear, but thinking maybe he did. I did this during some of the walks, of some world for dogs that existed--and all the unimaginable things they could do. A place that could be visited in thoughts, and in dreams. That someday, we would all be there, and his wait would not feel long. That in the meantime, the dogs we once had would welcome him into the group.

The biggest gut punch will always be that phrase, spoken softly by the doctor after the act: "His heart has now stopped."

When I told that story to our dog countless times, I kept thinking of that movie "Big Fish," where the dad was close to his death and the son began creating his own wondrous story of what becomes of his dad in the end before he passes. I know it's fiction, but at that moment--it felt right.

Just like that, in your arms, wrapped in a blanket--the lightness, and the memories that once were attached to him... converging to that one point to fuel your emotions that made up years of experiences. All of it, every damn second, day, week, month, and years that made him what he is--now was. It was every bit of being sorry, as it was in constantly thanking him before and after for everything he had given us. In spirit, I'd like to think he returned to his prime form--or that world was real, and he was now there patiently waiting for us to reunite while playing with our other deceased dogs.

At work, I try to dull it by keeping an upbeat attitude or drowning it out with other forms of thought, work-related activities, or something else to get my mind off it all. I suppose two weeks would be enough, but it continues to creep in--and maybe I haven't fully stopped grieving yet. Part of that guilt was before it all went down, we were all forced to return back to office--and that last week I had him, I would have to leave him with a friend to look after him for a couple of hours.

I would try to go to work early, in order to get back to see him as soon as possible--but the fact those were never full days will always haunt me. I always thought I would find some way to make the schedule work. I was selfishly thinking maybe he was going to get better one day if I gave him more attention. I knew what I was signing up for, and hopelessly wanted to see something that clearly wasn't going to return. At home, there are still plenty of things I look at, that make me tear up--that are attached to him. But, at the same time--I know he's not suffering anymore, and that makes me feel better. I know I can get through this.

It's funny how something like this, can make me start reevaluating certain aspects of my life that I want to improve going forward--to respectfully do in his memory. I still have two more dogs to go through, and plenty of years to enjoy with them.

Thanks for reading this, I appreciate it. I hope you will all look fondly at the memories you shared with the pets no longer in your lives, as well as look forward to the time you will have with the ones who are still around. Every little good memory goes a long way: even if you find yourself too busy with your personal life, please find any kind of time and reason to interact and include them if you can squeeze it in. Spoil them, give them a treat, do something for a few minutes, bring them on a ride to the grocery store or outing. Make up for any day you missed with them by reserving another.

i lost my beautiful boy 9 days ago. he was my entire world. since then i'm struggling to find my identity in terms of I was always his guardian and in the last 14 months an intensive care taker. my schedule and literally every moment of my life really revolved around him. anyone else felt this way after the loss of their beloved, and how did you cope. I'm trying to stay busy, exercising, seeing people, doing all the things one can do to try and not drown in the depression

Hey everyone,

I needed somewhere to talk about this because I can't talk to anyone else about it.

It's been 10 years since my childhood dog passed away, and am still just as heart broken as ever. When I was 4 years old I lost my brother in a car accident. My buddy, Moses, was the only one helping me get through the pain. My family made it difficult to talk about it or even get emotional about it because I couldn't barely seeing anyone in pain, but I had Moses there to help me get by. The day he passed away he had a stomach issue that was going to snap a blood vessel in his spine so they had to put him down. He was 15 years old and he was barely alive. It was the best thing for him.

Ever since he passed away always felt I had a piece of missing and to this day I can't help but talk to him knowing he's not there, but it always helps.

I know everyone here knows what's it's like to lose a pet, but it felt like I was losing another brother that day and I never felt more alone. He was a member of the family.

Now, my family's newer dog is 15 years old this year and looks 10x better than Moses ever did. I know her day is coming soon, and I don't know how I'll get through it again. Addie is cutest most stubborn dog in the world and I love her so much.

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to talk about it somewhere.

Edit: I can't post a picture but look at my profile to see Addie and Moses! They were the cutest.

On Thursday, January 30, 2025, just one day shy of her fifth gotcha day anniversary, we held our Bertie in our arms as she drifted from this precious life of hers. When we drove to the vet that afternoon, we never imagined we'd be spending our last moments with her. The doctor kept coming out with worse and worse news and eventually uttered the word euthanasia. Our heads spun as we considered her options. She had severe internal bleeding, likely from a ruptured tumor. We made the hardest decision an animal companion ever has to make.

I know one day these traumatic final hours at the hospital will give way to the five beautiful years we shared together. Sometimes she would fart as she came up the stairs, as the little hop with each step forced it out of her. Pizza was her favorite food. One time in Brooklyn she stole a whole half a pie off the coffee table. She chased that high for the rest of her life. When she'd walk fast, her ears would flop up and down. Her ears were so soft. I loved to kiss them. When she would lean in to sniff me, I'd lean in to sniff her. I loved the way she smelled. It definitely gave me a rush of oxytocin. She wasn't big on snuggling or affection, but whenever we picked her up from the kennel, she always wanted to hold my hand, and sometimes I'd keep my hand in the backseat the whole way home, and she'd rest her head on it, as if to say I missed you so much. I missed her dearly whenever we left her at the kennel. On trips I'd ask my husband every day, "What do you think bertie is doing?"

I called her my little grunty grunty. She was expressive with her breath and would grunt like a little piglet if she was displeased, as a sort of sigh. She was the coziest girl I ever knew, always searching for the best, most comfortable spot. One time we visited our friends and they (completely reasonably) didn't want her on the couch. She tried and we stopped her several times, and each time she'd resign to a hard spot on the floor, looking totally forlorn. Another time, we were at home and I could tell she needed to elevate her head ever so slightly. My husband was near her, so I asked him to put the blanket under her head. He did, only it was still a little too flat. I asked him to put a little more, and it still wasn't quite right. I asked him one more time, and my husband shook his head in disbelief but obliged... Then all of a sudden Bertie snuggled dramatically into the perfectly positioned blanket, nice and cozy. My husband was amazed that's what she needed, and it was really something seeing my attention and care toward her through his eyes.

In recent years she got really bad, jumping up on the counter to get snacks and begging at the dinner table—like really begging, making terrible groans and dramatic paws. "Who trained you!" I'd say. The past few days, we've been reflecting about how glad we are she got to have this rebellious phase. We spoiled her and we don't regret it for one second.

She taught me to walk slow and take note of the world. She wanted to sniff everything and I let her. This slowing down allowed me to notice every bush, every tree, every sprouting bud and bloom in the spring and every falling leaf in the fall. I'd often have my camera with me on our walks, and we'd alternate stopping to sniff and stopping to snap photos. I will take this beautiful gift of slowness and awareness with me for the rest of my life.

She taught me how to really care for someone, to dive so deep into dedication and commitment, to make personal sacrifices, and about the joy and fulfillment this could bring. With every single decision I made every single day, I considered how it would impact her. She needed this from me—she needed so much from me—and it was often very hard on me and my husband, but we gave her everything we could. She was an anxious dog and suffered from severe separation anxiety. But we learned how to accommodate her and make her comfortable. I've been saying that I was (am) tethered to her. I could look her in the eye and know exactly what she needed. It was such a privilege to be able to take care of her and see her flourish. In recent years, friends would remark how much happier, calmer, or friendlier she seemed. Because we gave her everything she needed.

It's bringing us great comfort now that she's gone, knowing all that we gave her. It's also part of why losing her has been so hard. I have all of this love and care and attention to give and nowhere to put it. As I move through my days, my brain is still constantly considering her. I know this will get easier as we adjust to our new reality. And in a few months we will have a baby to pour this care and attention into. But for now, I just miss her so much. I'm trying to remind myself of this wonderful life we shared and everything she taught me. I'm trying to remember the joyful moments, the peaceful moments, the sweet, everyday moments. She meant so much to me, and she always will. I will carry her with me forever. Rest easy, my perfect girl. I love you like the moon loves the sun.

Our kitten died in surgery this week. We rescued her from the street, thinking she had just a respiratory infection and was malnourished. It turned out to be a diaphragmatic hernia in which she would need surgery to ever have the chance to live a full life.

She lived in our bathroom for the past six weeks while we got her weight up with what we dubbed cat food soup, sat with her, played music for her. She really came out of her shell and started to play in small spurts and would fall asleep in my lap.

Thursday I dropped her off for surgery, full of hope… and now she’s gone. Her body was much more messed up on the inside than we knew and her body went into shock. I don’t know how to be okay. She was supposed to be here. I was supposed to be next to her all weekend, reading and making sure she was doing okay. And now she’s just gone.

She was so little and our hearts hurt so bad. We’ve been lighting candles for her. We don’t want to clean out the bathroom. How do you manage this kind of grief? Our house doesn’t feel the same without her.

I lost my one and only soul dog about a month ago. We were intertwined and I had a high intelligence breed. I miss training and thought about volunteering but I also imagine interacting with another dog will be disappointing and triggering. What are your experiences? I feel like everyone says you just grow around but I feel like I would compare.

Me dog passed away suddenly about three weeks ago. She was 10.5years but still acted like a puppy and was full of energy. In the week before she passed she was chasing my daughter and I up and down a hill while we were tobogganing and running in the snow, going for her long walks 2x/day as usual. Then she was not interested in her food one day, which was normal for her. I fasted her for 24 hrs but she never had diarrhea. I began giving her boiled chicken with pumpkin and rice which was our normal protocol, after a day she barely ate that so I took her to the vet. Bloodwork showed low RBCs, zero platelets and high WBCs. The vet said she would need to be hospitalized for a week to receive transfusions but most likely she had cancer that was not treatable at her age. It was a shock because she had just been fine. They repeated the bloodwork and it had the same results so we decided to let her rest. I know I made the right decision in letting her rest, she had an amazing life.

She was my first dog and it has been so hard. I keep having dreams that I come home and she is just normal and in the dream I think "she recovered just fine on her own and I didn't have to say goodbye" but then in my dream I do it again.

I miss her so much and the dreams are tearing me apart and making me feel guilty. My dog had a lot of friends in our neighbourhood and came to work with me and the support I have had from family and friends is more than I could ask for... But I feel like if I tell anyone about these dreams they won't understand the impact it is having on me.

My sweet nugget has been gone for a month and I am still just not really okay sometimes. On Friday, I was with my fiance and I was crying again and talking to him about how much I missed her. That night, he got a call that his friend had passed away at only 28 years old. He’s never really been good at showing emotions but I know he’s really upset. Since that happened I can’t help but feel bad/guilty that right before he got that call I was crying about nugget again even after it’s been a month. I don’t know what to do to help him, and I feel I need to stop being sad about her so I don’t make him feel even worse. :(

I lost my childhood dog February 1st, 2023. It just doesn’t get any easier. I cry just by the thought of him. I still stare at his pictures and cry all the time. I got myself a dog like him and he’s my new best friend in the entire world. It makes it easier. But no one could ever replace the one I lost, I know that. I feel so petty for still grieving this bad as an adult. This was my first dog and I loved him more than words can describe. No one around me understands.

I got my dog at 19 when I was living in an apartment and a couple years later I went to school and couldn’t bring him bc I had to support myself being a live-in nanny who didn’t allow dogs. Then I moved back home and got to be with him again for the next few years. Flash forward to 2022, my now husband got a great job in Colorado he was my boyfriend at the time but I chose to go with him. (My family and I are from Georgia). He was 11 years old by this time, had arthritis and wasn’t used to snow or altitude or apartment living after he had had a doggy door and backyard at my parent’s house for years. I also worked 10 hours a day when we first moved here and he isn’t used to being alone or not having access to a bathroom. So we made the difficult decision of leaving him behind. (Background story, my father is an alcoholic and mother is a narcissist so getting away from them was a huge priority.) Well I just got the text that he passed. They never told me he was sick and I had no say in his end of life care, which I understand since they were his caretakers at the time. I’m over-consumed with guilt. I told my mom to let me know if he ever gets sick and that it’s extremely important for me to have his ashes and that I’d pay for them. Well she chose communal cremation instead of individual cremation since I haven’t been talking to her since Christmas because of how horrible she treated me when we visited and I’m crushed. (She knew how badly I wanted his ashes) She said I don’t deserve his ashes because she did most of the work and that I should have talked to her more. But she didn’t want his ashes anyway so what’s the harm in me having them? He was my whole world, I made the decision to leave him behind strictly for his benefit- it was incredibly hard for me to make that decision and I cried all the time. Well this just happened yesterday so I’m thinking of calling the vet tomorrow and ask if it’s not too late to change the option to individual cremation and pay the difference. But my mom threatened me not to call the vet and ask for his ashes because it would ‘embarrass her’. He’s my baby and I need the closure and I’m not sure what to do or if I’m out of line. Thanks

we recognized each other instantly.

my arms wrapped around her body out of habit. i felt that familiar warmth and purring. i kissed her fur and face, like i've done thousands of times. she had that cheery brightness in her eyes, and moved so freely — like how she always did, even better.

she was so happy to see me! no sadness, no pain, no fucking cancer! just us again, like we always were.

i woke up without the dread and loss that has weighed on me for weeks. i'm not religious or spiritual — this wasn't "a sign." this was a more direct and personal connection: just her and me.

when it's my turn to leave this place, we'll be together again. i know it now. it's only time.

I live with my parents. My mom brought home a guinea pig she was fostering from her friend. I was ecstatic. Eventually, we decided to keep her. I said I would take care of her. I shelled out money for a fancy cage and some toys, and I assumed if we had one we would get another, because they're social. They need friends. After some time it became clear that my parents were not on board with getting another guinea. I lost my excitement because she couldn't have a good life living alone in the corner of a room, even if she did have a big cage and everything. I suggested that we rehome her to a family that had other guinea pigs, and my mom said we should just hold her more. I told myself I was going to try to be more forceful about the suggestion, that I didn't think we could take care of her properly. I never did bring it up again. I distanced myself from the guinea pig emotionally. I knew my siblings were still giving her food and water every day. I felt guilty and so i avoided her, and now she's dead. I should have done better. she was alone. I think I'm a horrible person. I think I killed her from neglect.

My sister's dog is special, just as all pups are special with an extra dash of charming weirdness.

She and her partner adopted him about six years ago after he was found with a few other wild dogs in a Texas field. He is a goofy and particular boy who extends his love to a circle of four: my sister, her husband, his fur-sister, and myself. Last year he was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease as well as cancer, both of which have significantly impacted his quality of life. My sister has made the very difficult choice to euthanize him this week. He will be at home and surrounded by love.

I feel this loss more than any I've ever felt loss before, and he isn't even my baby. I can only imagine how they feel losing their special boy.

What can I do for them to make this easier? What's been the most helpful thing someone has done for you while you've grieved your pet? Thank you everyone <3

My beloved dog of 14 years - he was 16 - had to be euthanized yesterday. He was a spunky rescue we got when he was 2 years old. I have always had cats. He was my first dog. He was smart and sweet. Ate people food, sleep on the bed, and was the heart of the house.

I have been crying for 24 hours. I just want him back. My heart aches. I will be 60 in April. I don’t know how many years I have left to have a dog. I can’t fathom getting another dog because it won’t be him. But I miss him so much. I’m lonely without him.

Any advice would be so appreciated.