At least according to the latest Doom game, where humanity has been sealed in Hell and the player has to fight their way out and through Heaven to confront God.

On a more mundane note, the latest Sonic game (for 3DS) has a surprisingly easy final boss. It's basically just the Casino Night boss, only piloted by Hitler and transplanted onto a giant space station. You even get rings. End the level with a Flame Shield (you can bounce the signpost for one), and you get a special cutscene of Sonic flying out of the destroyed station, carrying a rescued Amy, to rendezvous with Tails.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), the 3DS version is modern enough that it's been scrubbed of the ancient knowledge-granting/insanity-causing codes that sometimes showed up in older games like EarthBound.

But that still beats working for its competitor, which is run by a complete idiot.

Meanwhile, an obscure 1960s series of whimsical/satirical adventure books, involving an underground world and interplanetary travel, is being rebooted as a movie franchise. The books are heavily edited for the Chinese release, with whole new characters and scenes added. If you fly there for a premiere event, though, don't drink the coffee—it's poisoned. Movie politics is no joke. The fries should be safe, though.

Also, if you're a Foundation researcher and suddenly turn into a monster, it's important to call your site director and tell them there's a containment breach. They'll ask what anomaly is loose, at which point you can dramatically pronounce "Me" (picture the Twelfth Doctor in "Heaven Sent"). Then cut to a commercial break.

And also, she wants me badly.

But it still has the potential to mess up your calendar even though Firefox will claim everything is AOK. Ha ha ha

Not just normal food containers but, like, jars of safety pins or cereal boxes. Maybe it keeps things fresher?

I woke up twice today. The first time was preceded by a dream in which I was hanging out with these goody-goody female students I used to go to college with.

For some reason, I was leaving the busses from high school to walk through the cemetery next to the college I mentioned. As I was enjoying the sun during my walk, I looked forward to getting home and releasing my bowels just like after any normal day of work/school. Suddenly, this one preppy girl who used to bully me in 5th grade (she was one of the girls I went to college with; let's call her Brenda) pulled up in her expensive car and invited me to go hang out. I thought it might be a good idea to take a few minutes to try being more social, especially with the popular bitches.

We pulled up to Brenda's house that is somehow in the same mile radius as all the other schools I attended. The other preppy girls are there already socializing. Brenda offers me something to drink and we have a seat. After I'm thoroughly uncomfortable and ready to go, all the girls but Brenda get up and leave for their meeting at the chapel. Suddenly, she says we should smoke, and I am completely caught off guard. I thought Brenda was another one of the highly conservative Christianswith the rest of the girls, but I quickly pass it off as Brenda following her mother's footsteps as a hypocrite. (IRL, Brenda's mom makes a big deal of being pious but nearly everyone knows she's cheating on her husband with her boss)

I really appreciated the offer, and I felt somehow closer to Brenda by being offered pot. I apologize to her and let her know that I'm trying to get hired right now so having pot in my system is a bad idea. I don't remember the exchange of dialogue, but she pressures me into it. Surprisingly, it's of decent quality, and we had a great time talking about random stuff until it's time to eat. We fill up on junk food, but then I suddenly realize how bad I had to drop a load. I ask where the toilet is, hoping to quickly relieve myself making Brenda think I only had to pee. (For some reason, I dont want to offend this rich girl by pooping in her toilet when I was invited as a guest.) She laughs and asks "You're not going to blow up my toilet, are you?" I nervously chuckle and reply with a lie that of course I'm not going to do that.

The bathroom is a closet with a toilet in the shower. The door is a shower curtain. Everything is decorated with redneckish humorous refrigerator magnets; of course they did this because they are cattle farmers. This is completely normal and only looks weird because I was nervous. I firmly plant my butt on the seat and try to get it out as quickly as I can. The curtain/door shakes and Brenda sits in the tub next to where I'm trying to shit. I stop trying to go because she is prudish when it comes to bodily functions and dont want to offend her. All of a sudden, my butt tells me I have to go, NOW. A massive and echoing fart escapes as Brenda laughs while I close my eyes in shame. I still hear and feel, the fart as I look up to see my dog standing over me. I realize I'm in bed, but I didn't quite register that I was dreaming. Still plopping out a series of farts, my doggie gives me a look of shame because I now have pot in my system. I somehow hear her saying words, and I tell her that I'm sorry for ruining my life. I close my eyes and find myself back on the bus for a tour of a prison. I still have to shit, so I ask to see the bathrooms. The tour guide, Caputo from oitnb, is joking with me as we walk down the halls and I slip, triggering an alarm. I am in my bed again, this time I really have to shit. I make my way to the bathroom contemplating what I can do now that I have pot in my system. It then hits me while washing my hands that I didn't actually get high with Brenda.

it was super creepy there were a group of researchers who could basically "program" dead people, but here's the catch: I was one of them!

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea.

Because if you do, you'll just hear unintelligible screams and very fast, manic speaking in some alien language.

I was in a burning building and I was supposed to convince Brock Lesnar to leave. I found him in a room eating pizza and kept trying to get him to get out in order to "Save Wrestlemania", he would stand as if he was about to leave (and his theme music would start), but then he would randomly stop and sit back down for more pizza. I don't know if he made it out of the burning building, or if he finished the pizza.

If you roll a 5, you get a permanent ban.

I also got a 2, but I forgot that that resulted in.

I'm a vegetarian...

"Just come to where the store will used to have been, you can start late."