Hello friends. I have a big problem. Many people tell me that I'm lazy or that I'm stuck in my comfort zone and won't come out, but the truth is, I can't. I have a lot of things I need to learn. I am suffering from depression. As my doctor says, I have severe depression. But I can't do anything about it. I've gained twenty kilograms, but I don't exercise. It's like I don't have the physical energy for it. I need to learn programming languages, but I give up halfway. I need to improve my time management, but I abandon it halfway. I feel like I want to end my life because I feel useless.

(english is not my first language so sry for mistakes) Ok for some Context: im a 17y girl and there is a guy at my school, and he seems chill n cool yk, im not looking for romance, i Just need more guy friends, he also has a friend with cute hair, he also seems nice, ok so im actually friends with the cute hair guys sister for more than a year, we say hi when we see eachother and chit-chat Now and that, i recently found out she is his sister, she confermed it, and what do i do Now haha.. They are both cute n all, but i don't want a bf or anything like that Now.. How do i not make it creepy, How tf do i approach??😭😭If guys are reading this pls give me some feedback! Also, the first guy dresses 'diffrently' not in a bad way ofc i dress difrently too, the best way i can explain it is, when you see him you can tell he listens to arctic monkeys, weekend ect..and his hair is long to his shoulders, iykwim idkk how to explain itt (if i were to get to know them better and there is a spark or som ill give it a shot🤭) i don't have a bf btw and i never had one, never held hands and never had a first kiss lol. I have no where else to post this...

Hey there folks, life's hard and it's harder with no support system. From the past two years my girlfriend was my sole support system and we broke up. It sucks. We moved to different country for our studies a few months back and now I feel alone here in a different time zone. I don't have any friends with whom I can talk my heart out. So, I'm just looking for someone to talk to.

My heart is breaking but the decision is up to my spouse and I’ve been trying to fix this for years. Our joint session on Thursday will be basically me hearing what his decision is. I feel powerless and I feel mad and angry at the same time. Anyone able to give me some kindess?

I don't have any friends or family I can rely on, no real career, I don't know what to do with my life right now. Future looks mostly bleak and pointless.

Edit: Title should say 28, whoops.

I like anime and manga, youtube, walks, the beach, noise cancelling headphones, and not participating in real world society. Even though i cant fix my own mental health, for some reason im very capable of helping others with theirs!

I’m not having the best time right now. I’m feeling overwhelmed and panicking a bit trying to figure out what’s troubling me (i have a hard time understanding my feelings a lot of the time). Hoping to unpack some of it with someone’s help. Thank you.

And if you don't need me, I hope your day is as lovely as you are. You are loved.

Every single night, I just tell myself okay I’m get my shit toghter tommrow. But I don’t do anything. I keep lying to myself and I do others to give mental comfort but lying isn’t going to fix anything. No matter how hard I try to escape this feeling, it only keeps repeating.

I don’t know how to address my situation that is causing the trigger. So I do want to learn driving and go to college and getting a job. But I realize first of all I have no skills so my resume sucks. I have social anxiety which makes me nervous to try new things.

47M. former high school teacher (left due to health reasons, nothing bad). I've talked to a few people on this sub. I want nothing sinister or in return from you. I just want to help however I humbly can. I'm not amazing and won't necessarily solve your problems, but I will be honest and not criticize. Made a lot of mistakes in my life, struggled with illness, etc. but I'm past it. I find comfort in talking with people about their problems.

Age, gender, sexuality doesn't matter.

Pls only ppl willing to help and not show their penis 😭

Just want to chat with someone about what happened and why I feel embarrassed

Welcome to the guide on how to ruin your life in less and a week! Especially if you are a 26 year old maybe-girl who just got married last summer, and had the perfect life just a month ago :)

Step 1: Experience gender dysphoria. Come out as nonbinary to your husband.

Step 2: Realize you actually think you might be trans (FTM). Share this with your husband too, because he’s your best friend.

Step 3: Husband has a hard boundary that, even though you don’t even know what you want yet, you cannot under any circumstances transition. He is not gay and cannot change this of course.

Step 4: Cry for hours straight with your husband every day while deliberating about how to save your marriage.

Step 5: Come up with a list of gender-affirming things that your husband is at least somewhat comfortable with. These things include makeup, hair, clothes, chest binding. The ❌ items are hormone therapy, top surgery, voice changes, or pronoun/name changes.

Step 6: Try to convince yourself that you can follow these guidelines. Try to make promises.

Step 7: Husband wants a guarantee that you will never transition. You can’t give him one because you don’t even know what you want yet and need a lot more time to explore.

Step 8: Tell your mom what’s going on. She invalidates you.

Step 9: Everyone insists you need to change your bipolar meds because gender dysphoria is a sign of mania !!! Except you don’t feel manic at all. Up your meds anyway just in case.

Step 10: Husband can’t wait in limbo. You both love each other more than life itself and he will still love you, but can’t be with you romantically if this is your identity. Cry a lot more.

Step 11: Your sister and mom attempt to talk to you. You’re prickly and bratty and feel attacked, so you’re mean to them.

Step 12: Wake up to your husband packing a bag to stay with family for the rest of the week. This is to give you space to think, but it feels like getting your heart ripped out. Eat nothing and lay under his desk in the dark.

Here is my no-fail guide to ruining your life in 12 easy steps. The best part of this plan is that you have no idea what your gender identity even is! Are you manic? Crazy? Mentally ill? Making it up? Actually trans? Who knows!

Side effects include: Feeling completely trapped with no way out. Suicidal ideation. Unimaginable emotional anguish. Chapped lips.

I'll start by saying, when I was younger, my brother was abusive to me, physically, emotinally, and would be threatening to me, and even though that's a long time ago, when I was 11-12 years old. He has not apologized.

But, later my brother started being with a girl and married who is as bad as he was.

She would make sexual harassing comments to me, asking me if I was having sex in front of others and laugh at me. She did this same thing maybe 200, to 300 times over the years.

My older brother would sit there and giggle.

Then one day my cousins were over, and my dad was angry at me for a verbal argument, and decided to push me with his head and try to threaten to hit me with things.

I stayed at my brothers for 2 weeks, and told him my plans to leave the state, because of my dads behavior, and also ironically cuz of his wife's which I didn't tell him.

My brother told me on the last day I can't stay anymore and I need to go home or find somewhere to go, and they both mocked me for not wanting to go home saying how I chose not to.

I left the state for 2 years, I was in Florida with my uncle, and I was doing better.

My uncle told me I should go back home to get my license to which I refused since I knew I had been protecting myself from abuse.

But, he said okay we will get you a place to stay.

When I got to New York the place was dirty. I was scared to go home and didn't leave until 7 weeks later.

I feel it's my fault for not leaving the dirty apartment. Is it my fault?

I been back home 1 year and 3 months.

I have completely stopped talking to my brother and sister in law: and my dad has changed his ways, but I barely talk to my dad but I have to live with him.

Did I fuck up? Or was I right to wait? Idk if I messed up in the apartment situation.

You know, tears... they fall continuously, but they are hindered by my mustache, not reaching my lips. So, that I couldn't taste 'em all at once. My life too, doesn't drown me at once. But a little bit of them still gradually seeps down my mustache. And their taste is really saline. Reminding me gradually of the salt in my wounds... Slow tears, slow pain.

I don’t know what to say. And maybe that’s the saddest part of all. Today, I walked into a class for something—just a simple meeting, nothing grand, nothing extraordinary. But behind my back, they whispered, they laughed, they branded me with a label I never asked for. “Gay,” they called me. And I tell you, it wasn’t the word itself that stung. It was the way they said it—the mockery, the sneers, the sheer pleasure they took in tearing me down. You’d think a heart like mine would be made of stone by now, but it isn’t. No, sir. It’s still as breakable as a windowpane in a hailstorm. And today, it shattered again.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know what they’ll say—“Be mature, ignore them, rise above it.” And by all means, I would, if I could. But let me tell you something about the back of a man’s heart. It’s where the truth lives, and my truth is this—I am insecure as hell. I am short. But I think—no, I hope—I look good too. And yet, when words like these are thrown at me, I start questioning everything. If they’re right, then what am I? A short, strange-looking outcast with no real friends, no respect, no chance at love? A walking target for betrayal? I know I shouldn’t be so damned pessimistic, but you have to understand—when you’ve spent enough nights talking yourself out of the dark, you start to wonder if there’s any light left at all.

I do it all myself. Every time I fall, I pull myself up. There’s no hand to reach for me, no arms to wrap around me and say, “It’s okay, you’re not alone.” No reassurance, no comfort, just me and my own reflection in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I’m enough. And I swear, some days, it’s the hardest battle I ever fight.

This world is not fair to me. But I know—I know—I’m not the only one. There are others, just like me, stumbling through the same storm, looking for shelter in a world that would rather throw stones. And I keep thinking, the answer to all this misery—it has to be love, doesn’t it? Love is the most powerful thing a man can give, and yet, we hoard it like gold and spend our time throwing dirt instead. Why? Why do people choose to hate when love is right there, waiting to be given?

I don’t have the power to change them. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not ever. But damn it, it hurts to be overlooked. To be unseen, unheard. I tell myself I don’t need their validation, but the truth? The truth is, every man needs a little kindness, a little encouragement, a little proof that he matters. And yet, they won’t stop for me. They won’t acknowledge me. They won’t admit that maybe, just maybe, I’ve got something good inside of me.

And maybe—just maybe—they’ll finally admit it when I’m gone. But tell me, what’s the use then? What’s the good in being loved when you’re no longer there to feel it? Couldn’t you—just for once—do it now? While I’m still here, dying for a little kindness?

Just putting my feels on words to get them out, but if someone has some kind words for me I will be happy.

I have been double working since November. I want to quit my old job but am afraid to in case the new job does not last.

Been at the old one for 6 years now and it is 80% good, but one task and one co-worker just keeps me down. Changing tasks is not an option, I asked. Also, there is no chance to grow, and there have been no raises in the last 3 years.

New job as a content mod pays better, it is less work, easier work, more benefits, and has better hours. But my anxiety is making me wary that it may not last.

I believe they may have hired more people than they needed for the task (6 where 4 would do), and sometimes we clear our queue of work by Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday are easier, where we refresh the queues every couple minutes to see new entries to moderate. I am the sole responsible for handling appeals right now, so that's something to give confidence, but still...

Is it normal for companies to let people go under a year after hiring? Are WFH content moderation positions usually like this? This is my first experience in the field.

Maybe I am just overthinking too much?

TLDR, my fear is that I leave my old job after 6 and a half years just for the new one to not last until the end of the year, and I find myself jobless. No particular indication of that happening tho...

The plan now is to carry on double working until July, save some money, then kit old job if the new one is still going strong.

Not the worse situation of the world, I know, but I am still hitting myself over it...

Anyway, good night everyone, hope everything is good and keeps getting better for anyone who reads this.

 I'll still be kind... I have lived scared my entire life. I've been kidnapped and beaten by my mother. I've been Treated like shit the first 16 years. Led on & cheated by people I thought I Loved more than anything.
 I'll still be kind... I have tried my hardest to make it as my own person in life, but it's Hard. I've had to move out of every house I've been in... every 2 to 3 years growing up I had to move. Being a kid was never an Option... I had a sister to take care of while my mom would go out drinking with any man but my dad.
 I'll still be kind... as I lay helpless in bed hoping, my grandmother, the last figure of love in my life stays strong in her fight against cancer. Helpless sitting here as I only wish that all my friends that I can never see are always smiling... 
 I'll still be kind.... any time that I can because I know that in my life... I could use a little bit of kindness too. I'm not sure who needs to hear it but there is a gray deal of Love in All of us, and if I could... at the expense of myself would without question trade Tears with anyone right now... 
 I'm scared... I'm so scared but I'll still be kind....

Preface: Despite the title, my aim isn't solely, "looking for people to talk to," though I would certainly enjoy the conversation and absolutely won't bite if you approach. Rather, my aim with this post is to put my life, emotions and some introspection out there completely as a vent for myself but also in the off-chance that someone is able to relate to something here. I will accomplish the former but may never know the latter. And that's okay, it's not my place. Nevertheless, I will hope.

Finally, this will be a lengthy post, a lot of it being exposition. If you—a stranger—are willing to take a journey with me—also a stranger—through the depths of my human condition, then I acknowledge your time spent on this post, and I give you my sincerest thanks for that.

Let's get started.

Parents/Childhood Years (0-13)

I think the most appropriate place to start is with how I viewed my parents growing up, since I am, in large part, a product of their parenting. I grew up in a predominantly non-denominational (which really means 'Baptist') Christian household. My mother was the conservative parent who did her best to teach me Christian values: she would pray with me every morning, before meals, and at night. She would take me to church every Sunday and put me through a Christian, private school education from K-12, then through a 4-year program at uni.

The money for this came entirely from her father (who passed when I was ~5). I was told that he made some very smart investment choices and that he split this money between my mother and my uncle under the condition that it be used solely for their kids' education. Any mother could've taken that money and spent it some other way. But she didn't. She kept to my grandfather's promise.

In terms of work, my mother was an RN. From what I remember growing up (which is fuzzy), she used to work hospice. As such, she wasn't around too much before I started school. When I started school though, she wound up getting a remote job so she was able to be much more present in my life.

With all of this came an overprotective side. Throughout my childhood, I often times wasn't allowed to play with the kids (literally) down the street because, "it was too far from view" and, "they're too rough". I did play a lot with the kids next door, though, but the restriction was always in the back of my mind. What I was allowed to watch on TV was restricted pretty much to the Disney channel and Nickelodeon. Cartoon Network was "too violent" depending on the show. Video games I could play were restricted to "E" rating. I was never allowed to swim at the deep end of any pools (where practically everyone swam). I could go on, but this should give you the gist: she was overprotective but not to an extreme extent.

Growing up, I always despised her for her overprotectiveness as I felt it robbed me of a lot of opportunities to build friendships by being just like the others (she would often times try to get me to go out and play or go to social events, but then add caveats that often turned a "fun time" into a "safe time"... embarrassing). However, I understand where she was coming from with everything she did. She truly did her best to raise me to be a polite, respectful, God-fearing individual and feared for the safety of her only son. Was she perfect? No. But I don't think anyone can be a perfect parent. Even if it were possible, a child may still grow with repressed issues/trauma unrelated to the parents. She did damage, but I don't hold it against her anymore.

Onto my father, he was the polar opposite of my mother: not as strict or conservative. Took a more laidback (but not absent) approach to parenting. Before I was born, I was told that my father owned his own tooling/injection molding company, having never graduated high school. Right before I was born, he had to sell the business as overseas products/labor were becoming the cheaper, more appealing option. However, he had enough money to retire reasonably comfortably.

(I should mention at this point that the age gap between my parents is... not negligible. My mother had me in her early 30's whereas my father was in his mid 50's).

As a result, I had a stay-at-home dad. He would always make sure I was cared for in between all of his side projects in the garage (he was always working on his truck, motorcycle, or the occasional woodworking/house renovation project). Getting older, if I wanted something that my mother wouldn't allow (out of overprotectiveness), my father advocated for me with rational argumentation and softened her up on a few accounts, often times buying me a game or letting me do something without restriction just like everyone else. As a juxtaposition to my mother's attitude of trying to get me to go out and "have a safe time", my father was of the mind that, "If he wants to come out and do something, he'll do it". Like my mother, I love him to death (pun intended—he's dead). Was he perfect? No. Did he do his best? Absolutely. I hold nothing against him.

Finally, with the backdrop fleshed out, I can speak on my childhood.

I spent most of my childhood alone wanting to do nothing else but play video games because I was too socially anxious as a result of overprotective restrictions and looking (think bowl cut and baggy jeans). For me, video games were a realm of control and a place where I could feel like a hero. I didn't have to talk to anyone and therefore be subjected to their many possible judgments of me. It felt good beating games because it validated an identity of intelligence that was instilled into me throughout school. Video games made me feel good and feel good at something.

Unfortunately, there were consequences.

Because I never wanted to go out due to social anxiety/judgment fears, I never truly learned how to make connections with people. In school, I noticed that the funny kids were the popular ones, so I tried to imitate them. Rather than getting results, I more often than not came across as annoying to my peers. I was never truly "bullied" per se. But I could feel a constant sense of being ostracized. People often wouldn't go out of their way to talk or hang out with me. I always had to initiate. Unless, of course, we were partnering up for some kind of class exercise. Then eeeveryone wanted to be with the "smart kid". It gave me my moments in the spotlight, but like everything else in life it quickly fades. Except for the developed habit that made me want to chase that spotlight. That didn't fade.

Throw all this in the melting pot and now you have a kid entering high school who has no idea how to form connections with others (and furthermore is quite narcissistic), is socially anxious, looks and acts awkward, and whose only identity/worth comes from their intelligence (which totally won't go to their head and cause more problems later).

High School/College Years (14-22)

The header for this section is misleading. Yes, these are my high school and college years, but what dominated these years of my life were, above anything else: love, the hard lessons it brings to naive people and the consequences of conflating your worth with your love life.

In my sophomore year of high school, I made some minor changes to my image. Biggest being that I upgraded from a bowl-cut to looking like Jim Carey from Dumb and Dumber. "At least people can see my face." I thought. I also swapped from glasses to contact lenses (need for distance). So, while I still looked awkward, I didn't look as awkward. My sense of clothing style was still abysmal: Baggy jeans, oversized t-shirts (because it felt shameful to admit I was a size small, so size medium felt more soothing to my ego) and off-brand shoes straight from your local Payless. Often I would wear cargo shorts more than the baggy jeans because they looked somewhat more normal—except when I stubbornly worn them throughout winter and looked well out of place.

So, new year of high school, new me. In my sophomore year, I fell in love with a girl who fell in love with me. Not using her real name (good luck guessing, though), I'll refer to her as "L". My relationship with "L" lasted about 3 years, and we put each other through hell. Without going into every single detail (we would be here awhile), I was a controlling and manipulative narcissist towards her, and our relationship was built on nothing but the desire for sex. She wasn't entirely who I wanted in a person (very clingy, always had to be by her side. Couldn't focus on my own hobbies/homework without being guilted out of it), but I couldn't realize that at the time and nor would I have accepted it if it were told to me. So instead of trying to directly communicate with her and express things that I don't like in a healthy manner, I instead would go into depressive bouts, tell her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a relationship anymore and then said that I needed space to think. This, of course, would always devastate her (which validated my sense of belonging/fitting in somewhere), and instead of going off and "thinking about the relationship", I would just fantasize about being with another girl in my class. I would then realize that such a fantasy is impossible, get even sadder for about a day, and then come back to my relationship saying, "Hey, we're all good now. No worries. I promise I'll always love you and do my best moving forward."

I did not do my best moving forward. That cycle continued for 3 years. In that time, I cheated on her with another girl from another group outside of school. I confessed roughly a year later, and that almost ended things. I vowed to do better and she set her terms, but we would never be able to rebuild that trust again. I still always fantasized about other girls in our class or college (We went long distance for about a year and a half as I went out of state for uni) and always kept her on the "emotional fence", as I've come to call it. Eventually, come the finals week of sophomore year of college, I find out she's cheating on me with someone whose kids she used to babysit.

She ended things for good once I found out. Needless to say, I got what I deserved—but I still had the audacity to point the finger at her without realizing how many were pointed at myself.

(by this point I should mention that, regarding my fashion sense, I had a friend from high school help me out before I went into college and they really helped me develop a sense of style. No more baggy jeans or oversized t-shirts. Everything is to size and I looked/felt somewhat normal, woo!)

My next relationship came junior year of college with "A" (common name, you'd probably guess on the first try). Wasn't a very long one, only about 2 months. I hadn't actually learned any lessons from my time with L as I simply distracted myself by venting, playing games and working on other hobbies without ever taking a moment to introspect. The only thing I learned was that I was incredibly emotionally dependent upon L and that dependency replaced the entirety of my identity (which, bear in mind, I never really had because I spent all my times growing up not going out). I identified my problem, outwardly pretended to handle the problem, and then came back to everyone "reformed". In my "reformed" state, I subconsciously still needed to be romantically involved with someone to feel validated, and A was the type of girl who seemed like she'd never been in a relationship and carried loads of insecurities. So going for her was easy.

Then I quickly realized that her personality, while being kind and sweet, was pretty cringe for me. Such to the point where I withdrew from the relationship almost immediately and formulated how I was going to break up with her. Problem was, I couldn't find out how to do it without looking like an asshole, because then that would potentially ruin my chance with future prospects. But before I could find a way, she confronted me on the ordeal, and I had to break up with her then and there.

The only lesson I learned there was to slow down. Took crushing a girl's heart just to learn that fact.

Last relationship was with "E" (you're not getting this one at all). Senior year of college, few months before graduation. I had known her since freshman year and, since then, had my eyes on her despite being in relationships with L and A. E was, in my mind, the most attractive person I'd ever laid eyes on both mentally and physically. Her personality was abrasive and sarcastic (as was mine), so she knew how to be witty and give some pushback. But she also knew how to temper that with a side of sincere kindness and attentiveness, with an incredible amount of emotional maturity. Driving her one January night in heavy snow to a dance rehearsal she was heading, I asked her if she would want to go out on a date, and I will never, ever forget the way she looked me in the eyes and said, "Yes". It was the kind of affirmation that came with both present thought and forethought, as though she had been waiting for me to ask for some time, but also like she genuinely took the moment to process exactly what I was asking and still agreed. It was elation. It was bliss.

It only lasted a month...

A few weeks into the relationship, her parents decided to visit her in the town where uni was at, and E offered me to come and meet her parents over dinner. Was I ready? No. Did I do it? Yes. I felt that I had really good, stimulating conversation with her father (math nerd) and her mother (missionary), and that all had went well.

A few days later, I got a text from E asking if I could come to her dorm lounge because she was about to cry over what her parents told her. Come to find out that her mother, being somewhat narrow-minded (especially on the topic of mental health as I was told), strict and judgmental, didn't think we were a good match because I, "was not motivated enough". Having worked so hard over the years to build a relationship with her mother and reach a common understanding with each other, this broke E—a lot. We sat and brainstormed some ideas of what we could do, and concluded that it was best to tackle this head on by me reaching out to the parents to have something of a "sit down" about this. We formulated a plan to make it happen after graduation, and I spent the next week before preparing.

That preparation was interrupted when I received an ambiguous, "Can you come to the lounge? We need to talk." text. She broke up with me with the reasoning being that, considering we were graduating soon and living in different states, she didn't want me to feel restricted with career opportunities as I would essentially have to move around her area.

(I should mention that, before dating, we spent many nights over dinner discussing what our future would look like together after graduation. Given my hobbies and willingness to work anywhere, I told her I didn't mind moving in proximity to her. "I can take my life with me wherever. There's no part of it that's constrained to where I live." I said.)

Naturally, when this conversation happened, it came as a huge shock. So huge that I was way more calm and collected during the breakup conversation than I have ever been in my life... and then I made it to my room and broke down in front of my roommate.

I spent the next month in an apartment outside of campus completely alone, getting incredibly drunk every single night. During my time inebriated, I had the bright idea to send her a long-winded message telling her exactly how I felt and that I hated her and never wanted to see her again. What's worse is that, while I wrote that message drunk, I proofread and sent it while sober.

It was so easy for me to be mature and not emotionally impulsive in that situation, the way it all went down, and I still chose to go out of my way to make it worse. At this point, I closed myself off to all of my friends in college out of anger and out of a sense that I no longer identify with the religion I grew up with and therefore do not want to associate with those whom I had to convince that I did.

Post-Uni (23-25)

If you've made it this far, congratulations! We're 23/26th of the way through my life. While it may not be interesting, it's honest. And it will set the stage for where I'm at at the time of this post.

Maybe I should've mentioned this earlier, but I went to college for Mechanical Engineering (ME) and graduated with a 3.6 gpa. Why engineering? My identity lies in my intelligence, so I thought, "What would a smart person major in?" I like math and science enough, so it felt the right choice despite not having a tangible sense of what being an ME really was.

Well now it was time for the rubber to meet the road and for me to get an ME job. So what I did instead after coming home was start working in the Human Services field because Imposter Syndrome.

I had a friend who I was introduced to by a couple of my high school friends whilst I was in uni. This circle became my social circle post-uni. Everyone in the group wanted to hang out all the time, whether going out or chilling at the apartment. It was always a fun time and I felt like this was a group of people I could truly, for the first time in my life, bond with. Problem is, I didn't know how. I was present, involved, and felt included in the group, but I never felt connected with them. I struggled to figure out why, but that's a tangential topic to be discussed later.

This friend ("H") I was introduced to happened to be management in the human services field, working in a nursing home-like setting with individuals who had developmental disabilities. I had worked as a sub in this home during my breaks from uni. Some time after coming back from uni, H, knowing my character and work ethic, offered me a position as management under him. I decided to take the opportunity, thinking it would be good management experience to put on my resume, whilst also setting my sights on taking my FE Mechanical certification exam (as I believed it would demonstrate on a resume that I was still dedicated to my degree despite not having used it yet)

I won't expound upon the roughly three years I spent in this position, as the dynamics at play are more complicated than explained here, but I will say that it drained my energy and time to the point where I hardly felt like a person anymore. Working at a 24/7 facility while being short staffed translates to long work weeks (most I've ever done in a single week was 110 hours, but typically hours varied from 50 occasionally to 80 often). Couple that with the fact that, in managing a 24/7 facility, I was on-call 24/7 for any questions/issues. Having been woken up from calls around 3-4am or on my weekends, I never learned to leave work at work. I couldn't. I didn't have a choice. And I hated it.

Nevertheless, I stuck it out and aimed to make time at work to sit down and study for my certification exam. I came up with a year-long plan to go through all of my old notes, homework and textbooks from college to prepare, and I chunked it out piece by piece in the midst of all the working. Come March 2024, I took the exam first try and passed. Was a year of studying necessary? Probably not. But I was two years out of college by the time I started and had forgotten a lot.

Unfortunately, I am beholden to a state board to review my application and make my license official. I submitted the application in April last year, and still no luck.

Present (26)

That brings me to today. Since I passed my exam, I brushed up my resume/LinkedIn and set off to find an ME job while juggling my management position. At this point, however, the work stress was bearing down greatly on me (to the point of slipping into alcohol abuse) and, despite not having a position lined up to jump into, I put in my resignation for my management position in December, telling myself, "Hell or high water, kiddo." I also let my roommate know (as I was sharing an apartment with a friend from high school for the past couple years) that I was leaving by this past December.

As the months went by without a single call for an initial interview, I started to realize that I wasn't going to get a job in time. Thankfully, my parents were kind enough to let me move back in for some time while I sort things out.

So, where does that leave me at the time of this posting? Currently, I'm jobless trying to work with a four year old degree that's only getting staler and perhaps is too stale at this point for any company to want. I live with my mother and stepdad who can only offer help/advice in the context of a religion I no longer believe in. I can't bear to work a part-time position so I doordash but it's certainly not enough to stop my savings from dwindling down to nothing in slow motion.

On the flip side, I've also been utilizing the time to self-actualize and develop better habits, like working out (which I've been doing consistently for the longest I ever have. Still pretty nascent, but I haven't given up), working on music (always been a hobby/passion of mine. Currently working on drums and guitar), journaling and reading.

But I'll be honest. The whole reason I felt the need to vent in writing this post was because I'm still missing something.

Developing a routine for working out and working on my passions just isn't enough. I can already feel myself slipping in terms of my consistency.

What I would hope is evident by all of the above and has permeated and influenced my life since I was a child was that I lack self-confidence. I simply do not have a reason to believe in myself or my abilities. The intelligence I had then is a lie now because I let it get to my head and made it my identity, but I did nothing to grow my intellect. Instead, I chose to fixate on love, mope around impulsively and play games to pass the time. My ego is protected by the shell that I call "intellect", and while that shell grew with age, I did not grow with it. As a result, it is largely empty and easily cracked.

This is why I hung out with my one circle of friends post-uni. Because I was more interested in using them to validate my false sense of intellect. I left them silently because I was ultimately too scared to be open and vulnerable with them, because I'd never done it before with people I genuinely trusted. I was too self-absorbed and narcissistic to truly listen and engage with them instead of myself. Thus I could never have connected with them.

This is why every relationship I've had has gone sour: because I never knew how to let a good thing breathe. I had to choke it with every ounce of control I could muster just to feel validated with a sense of artificial worth. I had to throw tantrums when things didn't occur to my design because I grew up in a world of my own design.

Trying to go out and make connections is just utterly impossible for me. The lack of self-confidence, the fear of judgment. I can go out and have basic interactions necessary to survive. But say you put me in a purely social setting, like a bar, and you ask me to go over to someone/a group of people and start a conversation? Can't do that, chief, no way. I overthink everything I say, and sometimes two things try to come out at once. I can't articulate for the life of me.

And yet I want nothing more in life right now than to make connections and gain self-confidence. I have been so utterly disgusted of myself, the things I've done and the people I've hurt. I have forgiven myself, and I believe I have learned enough from the examination of my mistakes, but find myself beholden to my fears and social anxieties such that I cannot take on new opportunities to connect with others. I have been trying so hard to find that one reason that prevails above all that is my reason for breathing. That thing that gets me up in the morning, that motivates me to better myself physically, mentally and emotionally. Because ultimately I'm tired of being a speaker. I want to be a listener. For all the times I've been helped, I want to finally start helping. And yet I don't know how one gains confidence in themselves. I don't know how one connects with others... I really don't know.

Despite all of this, though, I know that there are answers. Despite the flaws, despite the mistakes, despite the darker parts of my own humanity, I know there are answers.

If you've read through the entirety of what started as a coherent exposition of my life turned semi-cohesive vent, then you truly have my sincerest thanks. You've read through the good and bad of a complete stranger's life to-date. I... I really hope something here resonated with you. Whether you've made the same mistakes or feel the same way about yourself... or you want to get better but don't know how. You're not alone in any of that.

Writing all this is painful but it's true. I just don't work. I just don't have this urge to go out and do something. The extreme social anxiety makes it even harder. I also have almost no confidence in my ability to live like a reasonable working person and have way too much self hate. I feel like I'll kill myself after an impulsive emotional reaction. Idk man idk

i’ve been trying to do things right and get my shit together. i’m being dropped from classes because i couldn’t get my paperwork straight for my financial aid. what an embarrassing way to fuck up. i don’t even feel anything anymore im just so done with everything. i feel like im being punished. i hate where i live i hate how my life has gone and i feel so fucking alone out here. i miss my old life and my old friends and my cats and i don’t know how much more of this i can take. im trying to quit smoking but i keep relapsing because im so fucking stressed about everything.

Hi- I’m a 59 year old man. Went through a breakup two months ago. Can still barely get out of bed and function. Dealing with a massive depression and need to know life is worth living and that it’s possible to find love again.

I have a wife and 2 daughters. If any one wants to chat, drop me a DM. I'm friendly and easy going. It would be good to talk to people 😁

My friends have told me I'm good at giving advice. While I'm uncertain - as I don't like to be my own judge - I feel like it's easier to emphasise with those who've had similar experiences in life.

I was dealt a bad hand, myself, growing up with a rare physical disability. I've made a lot of mistakes and faced a lot of low points. Now, I like to believe I've become wiser from the lessons I've learnt.

So... for what it's worth, I would like to offer myself if someone needs to talk.

Im 35 years old boy.jobless.live with family.most of time when i want go out my mom asks me with who?.. or ask me are u in relation with a girl? Who is she? Whats her name? I dont want them to decieve you

Im not a child. And i dont like talk about these things

Im sad and depressed

Hi everyone! 🌸

I’m a 42 F NYC hoping to connect with a warm and supportive older woman who can offer some motherly advice, encouragement, and friendship. My own mom does her best, but she’s emotionally unavailable. In the past I've been better able to deal with it but due to my current life pressures, I've really been seeking some kind of caring connection.

A little about me: I recently returned to college, and while I’m excited about the opportunity, balancing school with everything else in life has been challenging. I’m doing my best to keep my mental health in check, but it feels like it's hanging on by a thread. Lately I've been beginning to feel that overwhelmed inner child in me could use some nurturing and understanding from time to time. As for when I'm not in a state of panic, I enjoy acting, language, volunteering, the gym, dancing, roller skating, and ice skating. 😂

If you’re someone who loves offering words of encouragement or lending an ear, I’d be so grateful to connect. I’d love to chat about life, share stories, and build a meaningful bond where we can lift each other up. 💕

Looking forward to chatting with a kind person!

You don’t have to go at it alone.

I’m not sure I’m actually looking I’m just venting

I am possibly suicidal but don’t have motivation to actually do it - I don’t want to die but don’t want to live, have felt like this for ages and I think in the end it is just slowly eroding me.

My life isn’t going anywhere and won’t, I hate my job, but I’m scared of change because I have nothing but also feel overused as shit at work. I feel extremely lonely from a romantic point of view and this has sucked so much that I’ve stopped even trying with anything including that. I last had a date over a year ago and it’s been just over a year since I had sex. I lack the drive to meet people and get used and I just feel disgusting. I live alone. I don’t leave the house unless im going to work or if I’m invited out which isn’t too often. I don’t eat much anymore - it’s a bit of a dream to stop eating til I die but I’m also thinking of other options cos this isn’t quick enough. I don’t know if there’s any point trying to sort this out, I gave up ages ago and the agoraphobia has just come from all of the above. The only person I can confide in is, I think, lonely too and I don’t want to make him self reflect and maybe influence him in my thinking. I’ve been anxious for about 5 days with no comedown, I just take beta blockers daily where I’d normally take them sporadically. I’m exhausted, work is driving me hard. I’ve said once that it’s too much to my boss but the response was basically to suck it up.

Where even the fuck do I start I just feel too much and nothing at the same time. I feel frozen

Recently, I finished mandatory military service in my country. And I'm kind of struggling right now, because we don't really get any meaningful benefits from it. It was a year of nothing. Before going away, I had a part time job and was in a relationship, I've neither of those things now.

I'm just pissed. I just want... I don't know, a reward? Recognition. Had I have known how easy it was to dodge the draft, I would have done it. I want a reward, I want something tangible for having to essentially waste a year.

And look, I don't want to hear anything about how that year taught me discipline or resilience. I got to go home and see my family for about five days every two months. It fucking sucked, to put it straight. I don't want to hear that I have this time now to give myself the future I want, and that I get to decide what my "reward" is because I reject the notion that it's my responsibility. I didn't ask to be there, they put me there, they should be the ones giving me something in return.

I'm Greek. If that gives any context

I know things can look bad, but nothing last forever.

If you need a shoulder to cry on, a more neutral opinion, advice, or just to vent (the latter helps a lot), I can try to help without judgement.

I think it's much easier to share your problems with a stranger because you don't feel like they can judge you as much as a friend or family member might. If you just want to talk or make friends, I'm avaliable too.

In the past I wasn't happy and my life was a mess, I know how that feels, now I'm better, so I want to do my bit to make other people's lives a bit better too.

Overwhelmed by everything

I think I'm not made to be a human, as in a human who's in relation with other ppl. I can't be in a relationship, being it family, a partner or a friend. How ppl do this, I feel like it's too hard. I always mess up, and well, I feel like I'm just tired of living in this situation and this life. And yeah sometimes I do feel like maybe me not being here is more helpful for others, but well, if I was gonna do that I should have done it sooner and it's not cost-benefit, my logic. I don't wanna get into details in my post, I can't handle that, but, reddit has always been my last resort. Or only, not sure. Maybe it's some kind of Journaling