Follow up to this: https://www.reddit.com/r/isfj/s/V3wfG822bU and this: https://www.reddit.com/r/isfj/s/tcewuRM1zo

So my (39/M/INTJ) date with the most wonderful ISFJ (35/F) in my life date happened last week. First, thank you all who gave your input into date ideas, and for the input into decoding ISFJs. They were really helpful, and I analyzed them in depth as only an INTJ would. I took most of the advice, but also diverted far from it in other cases. Overall, my goal and intent was to make her feel like the center of the universe for the day, regardless of how things turned out in the end.

Ahead of time, I told her that I made reservations at a nice restaurant that specializes in the food she likes. She didn't know where, but I knew what her favorite food was and sprung for Michelin star. I also made sure that the restaurant knew that it was her birthday ahead of time, and it was a very important birthday. I called them at least 3 times before, and they assured me that they'd make sure it would be the best birthday dinner ever. They did a solid and pulled out the stops, and she really appreciated it.

With her knowing that dinner was already set up, I asked her when she'd like me to pick her up, so she could sort of dictate how long we'd hang out till dinner. She wanted to meet in the morning, so I guess she wanted to hang out the whole day which was a positive sign. The entire date from start to finish lasted just a little under 12 hours.

It was cold outside, so I picked her up with her favorite coffee in hand. I know she likes jewelry and her preferred brands, and sort of preferences, and was planning on getting her jewelry for her birthday. But my fashion sense sucks, so I told her that I wanted to get her a piece of jewelry but wanted to make sure that it was something she liked. So that's the date started with walking around looking for what she liked. I was able to tell the store person some of the properties of jewelry she likes, which she found impressive. She finally chose something, I got it, and she put it on and said that she'd wear it every day and think of me (which was exactly my nefarious INTJ plan).

We then went to a relatively casual place around the corner for a small lunch, and talked about various things and got into some pretty deep conversation while at it. We entered into discussing some of the less not so fun stuff about life, family issues, etc., which was different in tone from our usual lighthearted banter. She also said she usually spends her birthday alone, and today was special to her because she's actually spending it with someone.

A museum was having an exhibit about something she was really interested in. So that was the next stop on the itinerary. I actually got tickets at 3 different museums the day before (I have annual membership so there wasn't any additional cost). Took a look at the exhibits, took a lot of pictures, then went to the museum café to have coffee and chat more. One of the things that stood out was that we talked about how both of us have jobs that require us to deal with a lot of people, and that doing the job is draining (the shared "I" in both of us), and that we usually need to be alone to recharge - but she said that she always feels recharged with me, and even when we met for work it didn't drain her. I told her I felt the same way. We talked until the museum closed; then continued our conversation while taking an evening walk in the park, eventually just sitting on a park bench.

Took a taxi down to the restaurant where reservations were made. Restaurant was throughly briefed by me before hand. A lot of the input in the date question said casual, so I approached this with caution. I actually made reservations at 4 different places, all of which had her favorite food, before finally deciding to take a risk on this one since it was the best rated places, and I wanted perfection. Cancelled the other 3 reservations once I felt confident this was the right choice. The staff made sure that her birthday would be as impactful as if someone was going to propose. In fact, at one point even I almost thought the staff got mixed up and thought this was a proposal. Definitely exceeded expectations and made her feel special.

Somewhere along the line, I secretly slipped a happy birthday card and another small gift into her bag. The small gift was something I thought would be helpful to her knowing how she is, and had a hand written gift tag to it stating as much. The card had a handwritten note, which I drafted and revised at least a dozen times, and which stopped short of a direct profession of love, but I think sufficiently conveyed my feelings (although I did sign off with the words "with love" so that was at least hinted).

We started the date linking arms, and by the walk in the park were holding hands with fingers entwined. A few times during the date, she sent photos to her closest female friend, who was texting back how she was jealous and that she needed to come to our state and find a boyfriend here. Ended the date with a kiss. When she got home, she sent me text with a photo of the gift, said she read the card and thanked me for the happiest birthday ever. Since then, she's sent a note asking when she can come by my place to try my cooking, and we've already set a date. It will be the first time one of us will be in another's homes.

Overall, I think this is pretty close as it gets to being girlfriend-boyfriend, without it actually being formally said. So I'm calling this a successful mission and taking this as a win. Thank you ISFJ collective for helping to make this possible!

Auxiliary (parent function) 

The second function assists your dominant function, thick of it as the sidekick of your dominant superhero.  As you exit childhood, life gets more complicated and you are saddled with more responsibility. By itself, the dominant function is quite limited in scope. Pushing the dominant to extremes and applying it inappropriately starts to reveal its limitations, flaws, and weaknesses and becomes involved when the dominant function cant fully solve a situation on its own. When the dominant and auxiliary functions work well together, they make decisions as a great team because of having one perceiving function to gather data and one judging function to organize data for decision making, as well as one introverted function for reflection and one extraverted function for taking action. 

When the dominant function functions at extremes, it increases susceptibility to inferior grip. The best way to address this problem is to develop the auxiliary function. Since the auxiliary and inferior functions have the same introversion/extroversion orientation, learning how to use the auxiliary well takes pressure off the dominant-inferior conflict. The auxiliary function is less threatening than the inferior function, so it plays an important role in bridging the dominant and inferior function gap. Hence why when a person is in a loop or grip, you always hear people say to strengthen your auxiliary function. 

The auxiliary function is a “helper” that assists the dominant function to achieve its needs and goals. It allows you to make decisions based on what the dominant function has taken in, it guides you towards decision making when taking in new information, this is especially for Sensing and intuitive functions because they are constantly drawn to new perceptions making them indecisive. On the flipside, thinking and feeling functions tend to be more decisive of their decisions but are not efficient at taking in new information to modify their decisions and behaviors as conditions change, hence their auxiliary functions guide them in taking in new information around them. For example an ENFJ has their dominant function as extraverted feeling Fe so their auxiliary introverted intuition Ni will help them in taking in new information for decision making during any change of conditions and make them consider other aspects alongside. For balance, this type would use Introverted Intuition (Ni) in their inner world. Extraverted Feeling (dominant), used in the outside world, is the core of the personality and is supported by Introverted Intuition (auxiliary). Without using the auxiliary process, individuals who prefer Extraversion might never stop to reflect. 

Also you are unlikely to use it as well as someone for whom the function is dominant, though you can learn to use it maturely with enough attention to self-development. The auxiliary function can be conceptualized as a loud voice that gives you advice about how to better yourself. Failing to develop your auxiliary function leads  to the indovisual becoming one sided or imbalanced orientation or unstable/unresolved functional conflict. If individuals used their dominant process all the time, they would have a one-sided personality, always taking in information (and never making decisions) or always rushing to decisions (and not stopping to take in information). 

Development of the auxiliary function:

It is challenging to develop the auxiliary function as it has a different i/e orientation from your dominant, this is why you see a lot of people skip using the auxiliary and jump straight to their tertiary because it is the same i/e orientation as their dominant. For example an ESTP may mostly use Se-Fe rather than Se-Ti, at extremes this can be called a loop. You tend to notice that some people resist using their auxiliary and whenever conflict arises you will protect and team up with your dominant function rather than working it out with your auxiliary and treat the auxiliary as a threat to you. 

Our environment plays a huge role in the development of the auxiliary function! A supportive environment allows it to be easier to express the dominant function which is ideal for growth, unlike an unsupportive environment which slows the development of this function. This makes it hard to type people sometimes because most tend to have it undeveloped or unhealthy which might cause confusion since auxiliary is supposedly one of strongest and most used functions, which is also another reason why several people are mistyped, sometimes trying to type yourself by looking at tertiary and dominant may be more useful as in some people it overpowers their auxiliary. Also limitations and flaws of the dominant function begin to show up in a young age which brings the development of the auxiliary to help out, therefore if by adulthood a function is not well developed the individual will experience dominant extremes and weak aux.  In order to achieve growth we need a supportive environment as well as getting out of our comfort zone to develop our auxiliary.

I say ESFP. I’ve noticed ESFP’s seem ro like is a lot.

It turns out that my reasoning for being an ISFJ is totally BS as I have focused too much on inferior Ne catastrophizing stuff and tried to bend the definitions of Si to justify my ISFJ-ness. Then, I tried to relate to ISFJ and ISTJ people I know, and I simply wasn't similar to them. I guess my worry comes from 6w7 and catastrophizing doesn't absolutely mean low Ne.

I guess INTP is the way to go, or maybe, just maybe INFP.

So I've been looking for a group for sensors, but I haven't been able to find one. r/sensors is not mbti, and r/mbtisensors is all but abandoned.

I checked disboard without success, too.

Let me know if you know of any good ones, or if you want to be in one, I made one but it's tiny so far.

Hello interesting people, I'm sharing the ISFJ description that I consider to be the most accurate, with the hope you can find it helpful and insightful.

It's an extract from this post divided into six parts, that I recommend everyone to read in full.

"Their most natural state of mind is the perception of what is "present" to them personally, in spite of what is objectively present. Si is a "thoughtful" perception that sees what is really important, what is true and enduring in the storm of reality, what will really count when the chips are down. They are deeply grounded in their internal perceptions, and this enabled them to create unique associations all the time. They are not easily thrown off by the newest, flashiest thing, and loyally keep to their own groundedness.

They also have universalist judgement Fe/Ti, remembering traditions, customs, common law: moral principles whose authority is derived from their impersonality. When they defend what is true, right and proper, they defend something higher than themselves.

Temperamentally they have a conservative energy, settling on a stable moral foundation that will move at a glacier's pace. Unlike the INFJs whose Ni conjectures are rooted in the Se present data, ISFJs will have a timeless quality to their descriptions and thoughts, always seeking to transcend the contemporary, drawing from Ne to create a vision of the world that is not dependent on how the world is right now. Se->Si turns away from the present moment and focuses on things of more eternal import, while Fi->Fe forsakes their own desires and emotions in light of the needs of others, sacrificing for the greater good. This in turn is aided by their Ti, at the direct expense of Te. What matters is not quantitative results but qualitative vindication of principles, obedience to providence instead of personal advantage.

In an unforeseen context, they will struggle against it with inadequate methods and rather than changing it, they sacrifice the results (Te) in order to preserve the methods (Si). They are far more likely to act against their inclinations because this demonstrates objectivity of their principles: they do not serve the biased subject, but are drawn from the world in spite of any subject living in it. The more difficult a thing, the higher it is in the order of goodness. Focusing only on duty leads them to sanction immoral behavior. Fi types can have their heart seduced, but Ti types can have their reasons hacked, and no natural affection can stand against their loyalty to reason.

Despite Ne's erratic appearance, the connection to Si is ultimately conservative. The dominant Si will occasionally venture into the Ne realm and return with some inspiration, but this is all within limits defined by Si. To more radically shift the circle would mean engaging Ni. This type moves away from the self-certainty of Se/Ni into the defensive uncertainty of Ne/Si. What Ni offers is expansion, out of the singularity of Si, to consider oneself proportional to Nature and to search into its secrets."

I wanted to ask if other Isfjs as me would identify as demisexual.

so i am (still) conflicted btw istj and isfj and want to know how yall use fe and ti in everyday life. and also if theres anyone here who score closely for te, fe and fi but low ti! would appreciate if any isfj is willing to answer :)

I have a difficult time taking my accomplishments seriously. I subconsciously don't see my accomplishments as good enough. Maybe it is because I am always surrounded by people at work who have achieved the same and in some ways better (e.g. same job but they started younger).

After social situations or doing something like public speaking I cannot help but focus on the things that went wrong, and think about how I could be better. For example "that joke I said at dinner or story that I told was dumb". "That presentation I gave could have really gone better".

I kinda think I am weird but I was surprised when one of my friends said I wasn't in the top 4 weirdest in the group.

To remedy this I am trying to get feedback from others more often.

View Poll

I know you guys usually don't fight, you avoid conflict. But when it happens, how you react before, during it and after it?

Like the title , am I the only one like that ?

Hello people, everything fine? In these last days i was thinking about some bad behaviors that I have and how the Mbti community don't talk to much about it.

I don't know if this is from individual to individual, but at least from me, these are some of the things I consider not good:

Selfish thoughts like "why he can do this and I don't?" Or "why people don't like me? I am a caring person"

Very stressed and rude when the social battery is done

Think that will be treated at the same way as I treat others (and always leaving sad because of course it wasn't treated the same way)

Think that everyone will like me

Sometimes don't know what to talk (a topic) in a conversation

Overthink things (sadly sometimes it is right 😭😭😭)

Never ask help but try to show some signals of (like a passive person)

There much more, but will be too personal if I continue haha

And what about you? What are some bad things you have? Don't need to be afraid, no one will judge it!

HEY Defenders!
I am collecting data from the different MBTI types concerning the 5 Love Languages concept.
I am wondering, which one(s) are most prominent to you, which one(s) are not and why?
Thank you =)

Deleted post, thanks for reading :)

No matter who wins, we all deserve to be safe and supported during this tense time. If you're voting today, I hope it's a smooth process and you're able to celebrate getting it done after!

I dunno about you, but inferior NE has been a bitch for me during this election cycle haha.

Mine is classical, worship, dance, and rock. What is yours?

Hi ISFJs, All my life I avoid to make any decisions for a group. I'm talking about the casual things in this post.

For instance, this weekend I dont know why but I suggested a restaurant to my college friends (Group of 4), and in the end the experience (Food+service) was not at all good. They didn't say anything to me personally, but it was like day ruined.. we all are really great friends but anyways I felt bad.

I wished I had let them take a decision like always, because in the end if it's not good, I can understand the situation