Hello,

I'm sure many of us here have experienced the sadness that comes with seeing yet another pregnancy announcement, having friends and loved ones get pregnant (sometimes even accidentally/unhappily), being invited to baby shower after baby shower, having people comment on things like, "so when are you having kids," etc.

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced being triggered by a pregnant staff member (nurse/doctor) at your fertility clinic.

I know this is not a very nice feeling. Just like with any pregnancy, of course I am happy for them. However, the darkness of infertility leads us, or at least me, to be extremely sensitive to things.

No, I don't believe the world revolves around me. No, I would never expect a staff member to stop working just to avoid being seen as pregnant at the clinic. No, I don't know the circumstances of the pregnancy (if they, too, struggled, or if it was even a planned pregnancy).

All this said, I just needed to get this out there. This is one of the hardest seasons of my life. After years of trying, negative results, failed procedures, etc., it's sometimes devastating to go to the clinic for appointments feeling already so low, only to be treated by someone pregnant. I really don't mean to be bitter. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful. I just am hoping I'm not crazy and that this, too, would be upsetting if you experienced it 😭

Hi everyone,

My wife and I are about to start stims in the next couple of days, and I want to make sure I’m showing up for her in the best way possible. I know IVF can be physically and emotionally draining, and I want to help carry the mental load and make this process a little easier for her.

For those of you who’ve been through this (either as a partner or the one undergoing treatment), what are some things your partner did—or you wish they had done—to support you?

Thanks in advance for your advice and wisdom!

I despise this time of year. I’m infertile and we decided to stop trying after TTC for almost five years. In the past, I always held on to the hope of “oh maybe next year.” However, this is the first Christmas that it is definitive we will never be parents.

I have no extended family nor does my husband. All of my friends either live out of state and/or have little kids and I never see them despite my best efforts. I’m all of the things - pissed, jealous, sad…I don’t know how to get through these holiday seasons for the rest of my life being this lonely.

Someone brought a baby to the theater! I just went for some escapism and there was a newborn down in one of the front rows, making little newborn mewing sounds. It always feels like a slap in the face.

How are you doing? What are you planning to do for your mental health this week?

…something feels “off” down there and I’m concerned. First the background and basics: I (35F) and my spouse (34M) have been TTC for 13 months now. We’ve had all of the tests; I seem to ovulate normally, hormone levels all in normal range and egg stock, etc, great numbers for my age. Hubs has mild male factor.

We’ve had absolutely no luck over our baby making journey and had our first medicated IUI in November. Sadly it didn’t work (and yes I was a lil crushed during the Thanksgiving holiday, spiraling over spotting, moods—y’all get it…). We are about to start the IUI protocol over again to try for the second time in December. That’ll put us on the road again to cyst check, letrozole, more transvaginal ultrasound monitoring and trigger shot.

I feel emotionally OK and ready to do this all again with the slim chance that this month could be our time but here’s the catch: ever since my last follicle check, something feels off down there — not as fresh as usual, some discomfort. I think I may have a yeast infection? Or maybe a PH issue?

I know I need to get this taken care of ASAP but want to crowdsource from this community to see if anyone has had a similar issue and if it ended up to an IUI round being cancelled.

If delaying to January is probably in the cards for me, I’d like to emotionally prepare for that now and also not bother with starting on the letrozole and all of the other stuff that comes with IUI. Any advice or perspective really appreciated!!!

Just curious because I am navigating my SIL’s pregnancy and I have had to step back from my in laws through the holidays and her gender reveal. I know they’re upset with me. So if I ever do get pregnant I feel like they wouldn’t be happy for me. Idk just a thought. Anyone else?

I feel so alone. Idk what to do. I want to apologize to my husbands family. My sister in law is pregnant and we have been struggling with infertility for 2.5 years. I was going to skip the holidays but I felt selfish in doing so. And it made everyone feel bad when I said that. At Thanksgiving when I walked in the door my one SIL walked passed me and asked my SIL about her baby. Which is fine but I just went to the other room. I felt like it was intentional just the way it happened. I didn’t talk much, i kept to myself every time I went in the main room they were talking about her baby and gender reveal in two weeks. All of which is fine and they should but I had extreme anxiety. Like I felt like I was going to puke. I am struggling with how to navigate this.

Backstory she told me ahead of time about her pregnancy. And then asked my husband and I to support her in telling their mom. We’re all close so we wanted to go but were under the impression it was just us her and their parents. When we got there it was their whole family and it wasn’t necessary for us to be there. She surprised everyone before dinner and it hit me like a ton of bricks I excused myself carefully and was fine then came back and my mother in law looked at me and mouthed “I’m sorry” and I lost it. I genuinely did not mean to but the attention was on me not her and I felt overwhelmed and I cried. It ruined her night.

I just went through a surgery at the beginning of November to fix my uterus and it was really hard for me. I have been through a lot as far as procedures go, had many traumatic experiences. We didn’t see her much before the pregnancy maybe 3 times a year, but somehow she has been around every weekend now when we visit their parents. It’s fine but it’s been a lot. At thanksgiving I kept to myself while they were talking about baby stuff and I watched the football game. She was upset because I was trying to be invisible but I was drawing attention to myself. I am also gluten intolerant and they had no food there for me to eat except turkey and eggs I was feeling left out. When we left after an hr and a half she was upset we were leaving early. I told her bye and that I loved her we just had a lot to do. After we left she told my husband that she thinks I hate her and that I am mad at her. She told my mother in law the same and that I never even told her bye. They were both upset with me. None of that is true and I got upset that she was trying to turn it into something. I called her and talked to her about it I asked her to have a little compassion for what I am going through and she said she’s tired of accommodating me and tired of having to tip toe around me this is her first baby why can’t I be happy for her? I am but I am dealing with a lot of my own issues. I talk baby stuff with her alone, I send her baby TikTok’s, I am planning her babyshower and next month I’m helping her with her nursery. And all of this is killing me inside but I do care about her.. it’s not enough. She wants me to be in it completely with her. Am I bubbly all the time? Truly I have not been. She said last night that I’m pessimistic and frankly depressed and she can’t stand to be around me right now. I don’t blame her but I tried to not go to Thanksgiving and she got upset at me for that too. Idk what to do I know it’s not fair to her but I’m truly not okay.

Extra info: she was my maid of honor and threw all my parties. So i offered to throw her baby shower. She asked me to help with the nursery

I just feel alone. I feel like I want to isolate and go away but then idk how to navigate that either. I feel like she’ll never forgive me for missed her big moments. Or ruining them. I know this is a special time for her but I am not okay. I feel like they are all mad at me for everything and I just feel…. Sad.

Update: I realize that I affect other people as much as they affect me. There’s a timeline on the joy of her pregnancy she only has her first pregnancy once, but it’s unknown how long I will be in my grief. Here’s the text I sent SIL to make amends. I wish I didn’t have to explain it and almost bow down, I wish she would understand but it’s true I need to be okay because my life is being majorly affected. Fighting about this isn’t going to do any good if my pain is never seen I guess that’s how it will be.

text: Our conversation the other day was difficult. But it made me realize how I was making you feel.

I have thought about how to navigate going forward. Apart of me wants to withdrawal and avoid everything. Not out of anger but because I haven’t been able to be okay. Which hasn’t been fair to you. But am also afraid to withdrawal because it’s also not fair to not share in the joy and happiness of your baby. I’m not sure how to come back after that. Isolating myself would probably affect my relationship with you and the family forever. This is a hard place for both of us.

I can be happy for someone and sad for myself. But sometimes that doesn’t come without consequences. Most of the time my grief is consuming and its extreme anxiety that makes me want to be invisible. I have been struggling. You weren’t wrong that I am depressed. Before you ever became pregnant I was struggling. It’s not just because I want a baby and can’t have one. It’s a brokenness. Infertility and loss is traumatic and has changed me. But at the end of the day it’s my responsibility and I shouldn’t let my emotions affect other people.   I know I have been confusing to deal with, I want to talk about baby stuff and not be left out then I can’t handle it. And it’s frustrating for you to navigate and not fair because you should be able to talk about your baby.

I realize the only solution going forward is me being supportive and changing. Which are all things I want to do. I have decided to go to therapy and get medication so I can get past my anxiety and grief and be okay not just around you but in my life.

I cherish our friendship and I love you. I felt like I was making an effort but I see now I how i have made you feel when I’m around you. I haven’t made you feel loved or supported. This is your first baby and I want to be there the way you want me to be and the way I want to be. I am genuinely happy for you.

Hopefully this is a chapter in my life that will end. But I need to be there for you because your first pregnancy only happens once and only so long and your baby is forever. I don’t want to miss important moments in your life or ruin anything else for you. Or our friendship. An apology won’t fix anything at this point, though I am sorry for the joy I have taken from you. I hope me changing, being better sister and friend moving forward will.

I was told during my teenage years after dealing with PCOS I could have difficulty conceiving. Despite making plans and going through treatment, my future looks very bleak for children for my future husband and I. I work in an office full of young women who for the last 5 years have been having one baby after the next. I know three more are pregnant and expected to announce any day now. The constant working harder to cover maternity leaves, planned in work baby showers for these co workers, and constant mom talk in the office is officially wearing on me and I feel so low and depressed and like I don't belong. I dont want to go to work anymore but it's unrealistic for me to just quit my job. I feel selfish for thinking and feeling this way, but it's almost like despite a few of them knowing about my situation, they have zero awareness of how hard this environment is for me. I've been in therapy for it before and plan to start up again after the holidays. Just ranting I guess.

What are you up to this week? Do you have treatment or life updates to share?

I'm just so tired of this. We were on the fence for so long and then it happened without trying in the beginning of 2021. I felt very strange and felt very happy for once like things were finally falling into place. But that would all go away in two weeks and it was way more painful than usual.

I went to the gyno to tell him about this and he thought there was nothing unusual and I should have no trouble conceiving in the next few months. Three years passed and there's been a big fat nothing. Not even that strange feeling I had before. I should have scheduled another gyno appointment a year after the last one but I was too much of a wimp. In spring 2024, I got an email that my gyno is retiring. I took that as my sign to finally open up about this. Again, he wasn't seeing anything strange on his end but since it had been three years without anything, he ordered up some blood work for my and a SA for my husband.

Collecting a sample was much more awkward than we thought. We thought we had enough but we had to pay almost $400 for them to tell us it wasn't enough. My blood work came back all normal except for a consistent very elevated 17-oh progesterone which they said is a contributing factor. When I opened up to this to a long time friend she just said, "If you're stressed about money now, what do you think a baby would do? I don't know why you want a baby anyway with Trump back in office. And oh, you won't get to do your cool art and hobbies anymore after you have a baby."

Anyway, right before the gyno retired he referred me to the RE. The appointment is finally coming up in two weeks to look at everything and it looks like SA is significantly cheaper at that facility too. I am very nervous about the appointment. I want there to be something we can do. I want a Dr to give me a real answer about my diet, exercise, and black coffee consumption. I know I need to lose the 25 pounds I gained in the past few years and then the other stubborn pounds. I get afraid of dieting/exercising too hard so the scale stays the same. I know I probably drink too much coffee but no one's given me an answer about how much to drink when trying to conceive. At least I managed to lose interest in alcohol during this process. The old gyno didn't see them as being factors that would affect this.

This whole process is eating me alive. It seems like everyone around me left and right is getting knocked up. Whenever my mom calls, it's always to ask if I'm having a baby yet. And when I say no and sound sad, she says I should have a baby to help with the sadness. My MIL also asks but is more sympathetic. And if we say no, she says it's better not to in this political environment with all the woke stuff.

I just feel like a complete failure of a woman. Apparently J.D. Vance thinks so too. I do my best to make the holidays nice for my husband and for my inner child but deep done I feel like I am continually doing the holidays wrong without a child or big family to celebrate with. I feel this every year. My husband is sad about this too but it's not eating him up. I feel like I can't talk about this with anyone without getting my head bitten off.

Does anyone keep a journal of your infertility struggle? If so what do you keep track of, stuff you write down? I was going to start one with all the medicines I am out on, the doses, what day I started just to keep track better for the doctors. Just looking for other ideas of what to put in it.

Okay. I don't usually post public things so here I go. I've been ( by myself) dealing infertility for 7+ years. I feel like I'm at it alone. I've asked my partner to join a few times but they couldn't because of work at first. After a while my partner has had issues keeping work. I work really hard and I've had more success with work but less personal time to tend to myself. All of the sisters/brothers in-laws etc do not have children and can't or don't want any. I apologize if I'm all over the place. I have tried everything that I can to try and have children short of IVF ( because I'm the provider in my home and can not afford it). I'm frustrated because my partner can't keep a decent paying job and has loads to say about my feelings. If he had a regular job maybe we could do more. He likes to say " we should have more sex" or he'll bring up God and faith. At this point I don't believe in anything anymore. I don't believe in miracles, science, faith, fucking aliens.... like nothing. So anytime a close friend or relative announces they're expecting (of course without trying) I spiral. I don't know what I did so wrong in my life that I'm paying for it in this way. I never asked to have a child shaped hole in my life. I don't even know how to live life anymore in this grief. I feel alone and angry all the time.

I'm honestly really struggling mentally right now, I'm trying to put up Christmas decorations but im balling my eyes out.

There used to be a time putting Xmas Decs up was the happiest day of my year, I loved Xmas, the lead up, the family time, the Xmas films. But now it's getting harder and harder.

We're 2.5 years into this mess.

Year 1 was: next year well be pregnant or with a baby; Year 2 was: were starting ivf so maybe we'll be pregnant

Year 3 im faltering. Realistically the earliest cycle is march, but after egg collection Its been suggested to do a lapsroscopy so earliest possible transfer is may assuming everything goes okay. But the current assumption is my egg quality is to blame. If my eggs are dud there's no guarantee may will work.

After 2.5years of this shit I'm so fed up and Xmas something I used to love so deeply has gone. It's dead to me.

Please help me frame this better in my mind. How are you coping?

I don't even know if this is the right thread for this, but here we go.

We've been ttc for over 2 and a half years. I've always known I wanted to be a mom and wanted a family, despite never really being around kids much growing up. I was always the youngest, we never did any babysitting for neighbors or friends, so I haven't really been around a lot of kids or babies for long periods of time before.

And then my husbands sister had a baby last year. He's one. I was thrilled for her and I was so excited to be an aunt. I daydreamed about the day we would walk in her house and he'd come running over to us to say hi, or the day he started remembering who we were and was excited to see us. Finally, a baby in the family I could grow a bond with. When he was an infant, it was really simple - you just held them and baby talked to them and they just laid there. They couldn't really express if they liked you or not. And now, our nephew has become old enough (1 year) to start walking and showing interest in different things. He's particularly found an interest in my husband. My husband is the most non-awkward person.. very easy to talk to and great with people and conversation. I'm a bit more quiet and a have a bit of social anxiety. But I'm pretty close with my sister in law, so I was never really worried about interactions with her baby. Anyway, now that he's a year old and starting to show interest in liking certain people and things, it's very clear that he has no interest in me. My husband is so good with him.. he seems to know exactly what to do, what to say, what goofy faces and noises to make.. it all just comes so naturally. And the baby laughs and smiles and just loves him. Now that he can walk.. he walks right past me (even when I try to interact with him), and goes right to my husband and reaches his arms up to him. I sit there kind of feeling like a piece of crap. We try to see them often, and go out of our way to make plans with them or just stop over so that we are in his life, but it seems like my husband is growing a bond with him, and I'm not. Last month, he had his first birthday party and I picked him up to try to get a photo with him, and he started crying, and reached his hands out to my husband. I felt awful. He constantly reaches for him and wants to see him, but wants nothing to do with me. Anytime I've tried interacting or playing peekaboo or anything like that, he's not interested.

Maybe it seems like I'm taking the actions of a one year old personally, but I'm just kind of feeling like everyone got a manual on how to interact with babies and I failed to get it. It just kind of hurts my feelings when he seems to bond naturally with my husband, and others, and he has no interest in me whenever I get to interact with him. It just seems to come really naturally for everyone. He has two other aunts, and they just scoop him up and start being silly with him, or feeding him, or cuddling him.. and then when I'm with him, he either cries, or wants to be with someone else.

My sister in law had a get together tonight with family and friends, and of course the entire focus all night was on the baby. I held him for a little bit, until he reached for my husband who was sitting next to me, and just felt like my ego was shot, so I didn't bother much anymore. When we got home, my husband was clearly in a good mood (he typically he when hes had a nice day with his family and he's gotten to spend time with his nephew), and he randomly said when we got home and sat down, "Hey, X really likes me!", and I just said, "yup, I see that." And I just got quiet after that. It is very clear that he likes him. He wants nothing to do with me, and honestly the more I try with him, the more I get shut down, and the less I want to bother.

I'm not the type of person to be all 'goo goo gaga' making silly faces and jumping up and down acting goofy.. it's just not me, I'm more reserved. Do I need to do those things to get my nephew to like me? It is just the age he's at right now? It's not like I don't try to talk to him or play with him, I do try, but he doesn't seem to respond to anything I say or do.

It's really making me think deeper about this whole having a kid thing. What if I'm not good at it? What if my own baby doesn't like me? What if I have no clue what I'm doing? What if my baby wants nothing to do with me and just wants to be held by my husband? I don't think I could handle that.

I feel like ever since my sister in law had a baby, it's ALL that everyone talks about and focuses on when we're around. Anytime we all get together, we all just watch him run around and laugh at him and talk about him and it's just what all our get togethers are centered around now and I honestly feel just like an outcast that I can't seem to form a bond with him, and yet everyone else can.

Again, this is my husband's sister's baby. Do you think I'll be more comfortable/it'll get easier if my own sister has a baby? Why is this so hard for me?

A month ago, my friend unexpectedly announced her pregnancy at a Halloween movie night. “We literally JUST found out.” I smiled and offered to heat up some cider for everyone (removed myself to cry). I experienced a loss in July that she didn’t know about, and I certainly wasn’t going to tell her while she was so excited for her pregnancy. After I composed myself, I was secretly nervous for them because it was so early to announce.

A few weeks later, she let me know that she had a missed miscarriage and that the fetus didn’t develop past 5 weeks (estimated). I told her about my own pregnancy lost and offered for us to get together as women to talk about it. I was grateful for a chance to help in anyway I could, knowing how devastating it is to go through a loss.

Our meetup was bittersweet. While I was thankful for the chance to tell her what has helped me and commiserate on the dumb things people say after loss, a few things just kinda poured salt in my infertility wound (and I know nothing was intentional on her part).

1. Her and her husband got pregnant on their first try. And they were only using an app to track ovulation.
2. She had no idea what an OPK was or how ovulation even really worked. She didn’t know about when you get referred for further testing after pregnancy loss. She didn’t know a lot about reproduction. God I wish I didn’t know as much as I do!! It’s only out of necessity.
3. She said that she thought it was beautiful that her body “held on” to her baby. And that she thought it would have been a failure if she started bleeding/actively miscarrying. I had a normal chemical pregnancy/early loss, so I guess my body failed lol I know she didn’t mean any offense but it wasn’t fun to hear!

Idk!!! Just needed to vent. This is all so torturous.

Hosted thanksgiving this year and SIL had to tell me they weren’t staying the whole time so her kid could go play with his cousins and not be bored. She’s very well of our infertility struggles and still has the nerve to say shit like this, every chance she gets. Thanks for reminding me we are unintentionally childless.

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 7 years and didn’t try/didn’t prevent basically for the entirety of the time we’ve been together. We have been actively trying for 2-3 years now. I am waiting to start my 4th round of Letrozole because I have PCOS and I finally found a good doctor that was willing to do something other than tell me to lose weight. I’ve only had one cycle since starting Letrozole that I have successfully ovulated.

I found out a few weeks ago that his youngest sister is pregnant with a guy she just met “after their first time without protection.” She knows it’s a sensitive topic and I’ve tried to avoid talking/hearing about it as much as possible.

Today we had Thanksgiving and I struggled all day to push back my feelings when the subject came up. A close family friend came over to eat with the family and they told him and I just had to leave and walk outside. I spent probably an hour on the front porch away from everyone trying not to bawl my eyes out (unsuccessfully). I know it’s going to be all they talk about indefinitely and it’s making me want to skip Christmas for my own peace.

I’m 33 and I feel like my time is running out. I realize that her fertility has nothing to do with mine but constantly hearing that it happened after the first time while I have to medicate for even a chance is leaving me a little bitter.

My husband and I live in a different state than the rest of our (hometown) friends and family. He’s in the military so every year, we host any other military friend who can’t go home for the holidays. Today was no different. We were expecting like 10ish people, so I started prepping a ton of stuff last night and even more this morning, including the turkey. I was already overwhelmed and stressed out about the whole thing.

ANYWAY, up until today, I just kept thinking about all the “little turkey” announcements that would be made. I don’t have any social media so I didn’t have to worry about it myself, but I was worried about my husband. All morning, I was waiting for a “hey babe, I know you don’t want to hear this, but…” with the inevitable this person is pregnant comment. But none came, and I was feeling okay.

I hadn’t gotten the normal text from my group of best friends, which I thought was weird, but we’re all in our 30s (and they all have families of their own) so I didn’t really think much of it. About 30 minutes before everyone was due to get here for dinner, I see the best friend group chat pop up. I open it up and all I saw at first was a “(kids name) fit for today.” Then I look at the picture and sure enough it’s said kid holding ultrasound pictures with a “baby boy coming 2025.”

I nearly lost my mind. Of ALL THE DAY AND WAYS to tell someone, you choose a holiday group chat when both other friends already have 2 kids each and I’m THE ONLY ONE who doesn’t have a kid because I’ve been dealing with infertility for 3+ years. When I told my husband, he did the obligatory “good for them, you should be happy for them.”

Then as the minutes passed, my husband was getting more and more angry. Mumbling to himself about how it’s a holiday and it’s so inconsiderate and how my friends need to learn how to read a room. He is usually Switzerland with this kind of stuff and I’m usually the one who spirals immediately. But today, it was him who really took it to heart. When I say, I’ve never seen him as angry as I did today about this fertility nonsense, I am still shocked it hit him so hard.

I just cannot wrap my head around the audacity it takes to announce like this. Mind you, last year, as a Friendsgiving with the same friends, a different friend announced she was pregnant with her second. So the fact that after last year and seeing how upset I was, she still decided to announce this way is just even more ridiculous to me.

It’s just so unfair. When will it be my time to have an announcement. When can I be the one who shocks my friends with a baby. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but this year just doesn’t feel like it should and it absolutely sucks.

I’m sorry to anyone else who had to deal with a really shitty announcement today then continuing on like everything is hunky dory. I see you and I’m sending you BIG TURKEY hugs. ✨

My husband and I are approaching 2 years TTC and the third month on clomid. He's incredible and has mental strength I could only dream of. He could have sex every day even those days he works a 16 hour shift, yes I know! But personally, I am becoming tired of having sex for the requirement of conceiving. I'm desperate to be caught up in the passion of it, but how can I when every month is focused on conceiving?

As we approach the new year, tipping into 2025- We often get drawn into the goal setting, making wishes and manifesting This will be my third New Year TTC.

The first New Year, I'd been trying to concieve for a few months at that point, and I approached it with the almost certain, giddy understanding that I'd be holding a baby this time next year (I was naive to the journey and what was to come 🙃).

The year after, I approached the New Year a bit more delicate with my manifestations- a diagnosis of PCOS under my arm. I told myself that I'll at least be pregnant by this time next year- surely after trying for so long, I'd get pregnant sometime soon...

And now where here- approaching another New Year and the magic that comes with it. The fresh starts and intentions. My third year.

I'd smile to see an positive ovulation test at this point, since I randomly stopped ovulating Year 2 (I had tests, my lack of ovulation and anovulation were attributed to PCOS). I'll break into a dance just to be told my eggs are mature and look good.

I do have a bit of hope still- I've not really responded to letrezole so far.. but it's early days and I keep telling myself that.

But as I look back at my New Year's wishes (luckily I just tell my heart them, rather than writing them down- no one wants that sad reminder and evidence) I've went from 'ill have a baby' to 'ill be at least pregnant' to 'ill be ovulating regularly with mature eggs' 🥲

God who knows what I'll settle with next year 🙃. Maybe I'll just be greatul if I haven't cracked up and let the bitterness consume me, as I get lapped by all my friends.

I'm in my feels today, Christmas time is magical and I was hoping for something different.

But whatever, maybe I'll still go big and wish for a baby- I'm already disappointed enough with how this journey has turned out, so forcing myself to hope over again, when I never truly really stop isn't too bad- Maybe I'll go big, maybe I'll light a candle or something, throw paper wishes into the fire and get really into it 😂

But ultimately I just want my body to fucking work and let me start the new chapter I was ready for years ago, instead of tainting the last page of a chapter I was really proud of, by hanging around after it was supposed to finish 😵‍💫

I wasn’t anticipating how hard this holiday season would be. Today is Thanksgiving and I woke up feeling so angry. Not to mention, I’ve been consumed by thoughts about infertility and our upcoming IVF journey everyday prior. I feel like I am really processing the fact that we are about to reach THREE years trying to conceive. I never would have imagined that day would come, or that we’d even be close to it. I remember when we first began trying and I’d read online or in forums about others experiences, and when I would see that someone was trying for even ONE year I’d feel so much empathy for them but also- didn’t ever imagine that could even possibly be me. Getting to that one year mark ourselves, I never thought it possible we’d be at two years, let alone three, without one pregnancy. I thought letrozole would have worked, or getting my polyps removed, and when it didn’t, I thought IUI would do the trick and we’d be the lucky ones. It hasn’t. And I feel like it’s becoming more and more real that something is really wrong with me. And I’m so angry it’s this. Having children, something we imagine ourselves doing our entire lives, something you’re expected to be able to give your husband and his family, becoming a mom, a parent, how exciting and full of a love that I still don’t know and can’t feel. Seeing people from high school accidentally pregnant or on their 5th kid or have these perfect stories of becoming a mom is brutal and I can’t help but wonder what they must think of the fact we haven’t had kids. The pity or sympathy, just feels so awful.

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

My friend is pregnant again but she just won't tell me yet. Her first baby is only 7 months old. She posted a photo of her perfect abs and flat stomach just weeks after giving birth. I saw her last weekend and she had an obvious bump but never mentioned it and of course it's inappropriate of me to ask.

This will be her double lapping me (she gets pregnancy twice and manages to have 2 kids the entire time I'm trying). I am supposed to see her tomorrow so I think she might tell me then, but it is going to tell like a hostage situation for me. I told her last time to please tell me via text so I have time to process it.

Well now I have time to pre-process and formulate a response ahead of time. What should I say/do? Imagine I cannot leave this situation for a few hours after she breaks the news.

Hello, I tested negative for my 3rd IUI this morning and found out we can't move on to IVF until the end of January at the earliest. We were given the option try IUIs until then, but my husband is suggesting I take a break from treatment/meds during that time. He wants to resume with trying another IUI in January/February before deciding on IVF. The impatient side of me wants to just push through and not take a break. Wondering if anyone has had any regrets after taking breaks from treatment? I don't want to feel like I'm intentionally missing out on chances, if that makes sense. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or advice.

Like many of us I’m struggling with some friendships while going through a difficult IVF journey - multiple cycles, myomectomies, awaiting a further transfer next year.

One of my “best” friends has the view that she’s there for me but I won’t let her be, however in reality she’s been very insensitive (eg complaining about contraception side effects while I was a few weeks post-miscarriage, sending pics of kids all the time when I’m stuck recovering from surgery) and inconsistent (unavailable many times due to tired/busy etc, but then when she’s available sends lots of texts saying she’s always there and wanting to catch up even when I say I’m not feeling physically or mentally up to it. Just always on her terms). In reality I wish it was different but previous catch ups have not been helpful but more painful - she doesn’t seem to understand any of the grief that we’re experiencing, and feels emotionless and almost cold in her responses to me. Also never follows up if I share something difficult that’s happened.

How do I explain to someone that it’s just not helpful to be around her, and that I really love her and wish I could lean on her more but so far due to her reactions, I just haven’t been able to? I feel like I’ve lost so much already that I don’t want to lose another friend and say anything potentially hurtful, but also struggling with all the texts wanting to catch up and the “I’m here for you” (even though it feels nothing like it) 🙏

Hi all. I’m sure I’m not the only one on here that is having a tough time with the holiday. I can’t seem to even try and make the few dishes that I agreed to for my family dinner. All I have done is cry. Called my therapist who was on the way out of town to see her family, so I cannot burden her with this. I just keep thinking back to when I felt like things were going so good last year and to have the news this year that we are not going to be able to move forward in our TTC journey is breaking my heart. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t know how to stop crying. I don’t know how I’m gonna face anyone. I feel like a failure. I can’t seem to just swallow this for a couple of days in order to get through this holiday. There are plenty of people out there that are going through really tough things and they are pushing through why can’t I?

So me and partner have been TTC for over 2 years now with absolutely no results and it’s pretty well known among my friends. A few months ago one of my closest friends let me know she was trying as well… Today she let me know she’s 12 weeks pregnant and although I knew it was going to happen and I was preparing myself, the pain I am feeling right now is just unbelievable. I keep telling myself I’m happy but my god I actually just want to stop breathing. I feel every negative emotion and I want it to stop. I also feel like a selfish dickhead for not just being happy for her… sorry just needed to rant.

I just wanted to vent and was looking for a safe space. We are in this consciously TTC journey since last two years, been married for 5. Though we never actively tried to prevent pregnancy from happening for the first 3. I used to be in a lot of pain and found out had adenomyosis requiring an emergency laparotomy and an adenomyomectomy last year June. Since then had two failed iui and planning/preparing for IVF. The disheartening part is my cycles are all over the place, making it so much more harder to try. The hormone medications don't help me at all. I had bleeding straight for a month and within two weeks the next cycle started. It is so so so frustrating! I m pediatrician and with babies/children all day. Each time i attend a delivery call and tell the family about their baby, my heart breaks a little, always wondering if i ever get to hold mine. The worst part is no one understands what i feel like. Friends/colleagues/ family are all like you are with kids all day anyway and you don't even have to do the difficult things of parenting. That's such a blessing. You have such a good career and life. No needless expenses and worries.

Well i don't even want anyone to understand but saying this is the greater scheme of things and that I m sooo so lucky is really really hurtful