I’ve had crushes before but just to make sure these are the feelings i have experienced:

I get super happy and excited whenever they’re around and the world feels like it brightens up just like how life felt like as a kid. I feel euphoric and giddy, can’t sleep or eat when thinking about them. It’s hard to feel sad when thinking about them because they just make me feel happy. i get a burst of energy when having a “crush” too like it feels too good for that person to actually exist..

Is this a crush? i rarely feel this feeling but it’s so nice when I do. (Sometimes sexual attraction is involved but other times I can feel it without sexual attraction)

Hey, so I recently started questioning if I'm either a grey-aromantic or a demiromantic, and I'm struggling to figure it out.
Part of it is me struggling to fully understand the difference, so can I have a little help please?

This is also going into r/demiromantic

lately, it's been on my mind to ask the person i 'like' directly if he wants to date me. of course, if ever i bring the topic out, i have to say that im greyromantic and my feelings of liking someone are weak and i have a lot of confusion about the concept. although i can say that, im afraid that we might lose our current friendly relationship if we ever tried pushing for my date idea. i just dont fit the traditional relationship and so, if ever he doesn't like the idea of me being greyromantic, i might just lose someone i 'like'. it's not like im really scared of losing the person but right now, i dont like the idea of dating someone but that person. it's weird. do you guys have advices?...

I went over to visit my friend (she's the one I have started getting feelings for and fell in love with) to check on her since she was sick. I work in the hospital so I went over there to basically do a basic checkup as you do at a doctor's office. Fast forward to the important part after doing the check up, we started to talk a little and just had fun hanging out. Not really sure if this counts as a second date. As it went on I finally started getting comfortable and layed on her arm and shoulder. She didn't mind and she said it was fine when I texted her about it when I got home. Also before I left to go home I accidentally said "Love you" to her after we hugged and I just quickly walked away because I didn't want to be awkward lol. I guess I really do have a crush on her and was just denying it because I never developed romantic feelings for anyone. As of right now idk if we're dating or not. This part is where I need help because how am I supposed to know if we're just friends still or actually starting dating?

Since naturally many posts are about questioning, but not everybody is comfortable with posting and might not have their concerns answered, we wondered if a general questioning post would be a good idea, where people further along the way can share what they learned, their experiences and opinions with folks who find themselves right now in a questioning phase. just comment below.

Of course, I know there are greyromantics and aromantics who are neurotypical and no I don't think it is inherently connected but I feel as though that my autism has affected my perception of romance and affected significantly how I feel romantic attraction.

How did you know when you had a crush? What were the differenced between your feelings to your friends and your crush?

Im aro, currently questionjng whether I have a crush and Id really like some help

Hello! Sorry this is going to be a bit of a mess as I've been wondering for so long if there is a term for me.

I'm also sorry if this is the wrong sub reddit for this. I wouldnt say I'm full aro, I have had relationships and I've experienced romantic attraction. The problem is with who. I don't get crushes on nearly anybody, over my entire life I have only ever had crushes/romantic attraction for 3 people. There is no similarities other than their gender. Their personalities aren't similar, physical looks aren't similar, nothing of the sorts. The way I developed that crush wasn't normal either. For all 3 of them it was the moment we met. Something like a spark just being ignited and I fell in love. I have never fallen in love with anybody I've known for a long time and it confuses me so much.

The reason I'm not sure if I'm greyro is because those feelings in my relationships don't fade, I still loved my partners throughout our entire relationship.

I'm a demisexual who had only felt that way with the 3 partners I have had. I'm just so confused on who I am and if there is a term so i can talk to people who are like me.

So, I'm pretty sure that I'm aromantic already, but I'm trying to find labels that fit me. I've found two, but I don't know if you can be both. I'm pretty sure I'm greyromantic, but could I be cupioromantic at the same time? I feel like I'm both, but I don't know if they contradict each other.

wondering because i had mine at a pretty common age for allos to have their first crush, but i really do think i’m on the arospec. and i’m a little scared i’m too allo to be considered greyro even though i feel like it fits me.

(for context, mine was at 13. and i was extremely shocked that i was falling in love bc i thought i was aroace)

I will quickly say this is a copy&paste from my initial (first) post in r/aromantic! And I am so sorry for my poor spelling.

Hello!

I don’t know anymore to accept myself. I might be lying myself or changing my narrative. I’m questioning myself on romantic feelings.

During elementary school, I wasn’t thinking about romances. I knew the concept quiet well and the feelings that they have describe it just something I always think about or at least thought to relate to I did experience attraction towards looks especially on boys hairstyles. But one time I random thought that I may have a crush on someone but I realized now currently that wasn’t a crush at all. I fantasize on having a partner with you take care of you and loving you so much that one time I would go to bed wanting a person come to my room and kiss me in my sleep. But yet I hated watching kissing scenes (I would look away( but like the tension of them or somewhat.

Then middle school hits. Everyone was looking for a partner or even in a relationship. Once again I didn’t think too much about it until I met my first acceptable crush. I don’t know the reason on why I like him. But I know that I may like his looks his face and his hair, even when he is close to me or tried to talk to me I always tried to stay away from him. I felt my face hot or red, my heart starting beating. Even when I have a partner (at that time I thought I was pansexual) I still have somewhat have that feeling but quite a lot better (less strong) I believe. At that time I would watch a lot of anime especially romantic anime genre. I would actually be comfortable watching characters kissing (probably because it is away from the camera I don’t know) and started exploring on character ships.

In high school, I am completely neutral but yet confused on differences of intimate relationships and friendships what is strong or not. I started to stray away from romance media but always come back. Reading fanfication but yet always move out of the way when it is talking romance. Including when I came back to old comics that I read during middle school I was immediately withdrawn from it. Having certain feelings toward 3 different people (such as nervousness and rising temperatures [not to extremes unlike my 1st crush]) but always try to control it since of course I don’t want to have these feelings. But yet struggle with that.

I notice a lot when I look at a person my thoughts quickly leads to think in a friendships way to think with that person with romanticism and that freaks me out or be repulsive towards it. It didn’t develop feelings but I am so worried about it. To the point that I am scared that if I get too close to them that my body will react or respond as romantic.

When I have my anxiety medication it was a difference experience I didn’t have those types of feelings anymore or at least in high intensity. I realized (once again) I am neutral with romance, of course I still look away from kissing scene that do not interest me with the plot or action. Not caring about romance, no longer fantasizing it, coming out as asexual. It was such an eye opening exploration but expect to feelings of romance.

I believe that I may be grayromatic because I did have one experiences that I believe it is related to my overthinking and my anxiety, or just feelings really. I know it is quite normal, but I couldn’t accept it because I am scared or terrified to do the wrong thing.

I don’t think I am Lithromantic or Cupioromantic because I just don’t have interest in romance or have a neutral stances on it since I am no longer seeking it or at least look appealing (probably because I have a partner). I am working on how to accept myself including since I am neurodivergent.

I appreciate anyone reading this. I am very sorry for my rambling and any confusion I may make in this text including grammar issue and wording structures. Thank you very much on reading this!

Edit: Misspelled subreddit/words & added/remove words & added paragraph

Hello, I am currently question a lot about my sexuality. I’m thankful that there is more to it because what I feel and trying to understand is a lot. About myself I am a 26 year old women, I’m a virgin, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve had crushes in high school but now that I’ve gotten older I feel like I’m forcing myself to find a “crush”. Ive never received any romantic interest from anyone in high school either but it never bothered it. As I get older family members and friends wonder when I’ll get a boyfriend or question if I’m secretly a lesbian. I just say I’m only focused on school at the moment but the truth is i feel like I need to find someone, like I’m on a timer and I need to be with someone when I don’t really want to. So I started looking into what asexuality is and then it led me to grey romantic, I just wanted to know if anyone has felt this way also and if it’s possible that I might be grey romantic?

Im still so shocked that crushes are people YOU ARE ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO. It makes no sense😭 for me crushes have always been people i think are just good looking, im not really attracted to them. Anyone else had a similar shock about finding this out?

18NB, I've just realised that greyromantic might actually explain me quite well but i'm not sure. I had tonnes of crushes on boys in primary school but whenever they asked me out i'd always get the ick immediately (i then realised i am a lesbian😎) and the happened with girls for a while too but when i had my first "love" at 13 it was pure obsession and they love bombed me and it was quite toxic and the break up was awful. I've only ever been 'romantically attracted' to people who love bombed me first and after these (2) break ups it would be a least 2 years before i'd find anyone actually attractive that i'd maybe want to date and i just remember thinking 'why is no one attractive' 💀💀 and i think i experience romantic attraction quite rarely but when i do i am head over heels and i'm now in a relationship with someone who i think actually is my first love. we were very close friends for months before and they didn't love bomb me and i wasn't even romantically interested in them at first and then it clicked one day and my romantic feelings for her are consistent and very strong and we're in a really healthy and honest relationship. I was just wondering if this is an expression of grey romanticism because ever since i was young i always was obsessed with the idea of having a special person and i had crushes a lot in primary school that never developed into anything but as i got older they were very infrequent and for a period of time the second they were reciprocated i'd loose feelings. 😁👍

So, I (18M) met this girl (18F) in January. And we were both aroace when we met. When we hung out, we would always do "romantic" things like holding hands, cuddling, etc. but we've both always felt platonic about it and we were just very close friends.

Fast forward to now. We moved to the same college. And we've hung out every day. But for some reason, I've felt so much different with her. I mean, I feel very different. I think for the first time, I am falling in love. I keep thinking about her and even when I don't want to think about her, she always comes into my mind. And every time I look at her, it's like, I'm so shocked that a girl this beautiful is in front of me. Every time I hold her hand while we're walking, I feel so different. When she talks to me I feel so different. It's like I just want to spend every minute of my life with her. This is the first time I've ever felt something like this about someone and I can't sleep.

I know she doesn't like me because last night, I took her to her dorm. We usually hug each other and give each other a kiss. But, I don't know what it was, but for some reason I wanted to kiss her cheek even more. So I gave her three really fast kisses on the cheek and she said, "Okay that's enough" and started speed walking. I quickly say "Shit, I'm sorry" and she says, "it's okay". I go back to my dorm and I text her saying, "I'm sorry if that was weird. Goodnight!" and she replies with, "Let's just do a hug next time :) Goodnight."

I felt so wrong about doing that. Like, I feel like I've been lying about her this whole time or something but I genuinely don't know why I did that. But I think I felt so in love in that moment that I just wanted to keep kissing her on the cheek. But anyways, she definitely doesn't like me and I think I'm actually fine with that. But I don't think she thinks that I love her romantically.

So, I guess I'm not aromantic? Or maybe I'm in a spectrum of aromanticism. I don't know. But the thing is she is aroace too and I'm scared these feelings will make her run because I know what it's like to be in her position. And I don't know if she wants a QPR or wants to date. I don't even know if I want a relationship. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I feel so weird, shocked, sad, and so confused. I have never felt anything like this before.

I'm sorry if this is all over the place. I'm greatly confused right now.

So if anybody has any advice, I will greatly appreciate it.

There is a website with lists of events. (The times are in CEST, UTC+2h . EDT is UTC -4h if you want to convert to a time zone in the Western Hemisphere)

ASVD Schedule Aust 25th, All Times CEST

ASVD Schedule August 25th, 2024, All Times CEST

Their website says they are looking for participation by people outside of German speaking countries to host events. I will def remember that for next year. Here are some resource links from their site

• Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week – ASAW: https://www.arospecweek.org/
• The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project – TAAAP: https://taaap.org/
• Aro Census: https://www.aromanticism.org/aro-census
• Aro Worlds: https://aroworlds.tumblr.com/
• Arocalypse: https://www.arocalypse.com/
• Aromantic Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy – AUREA: https://www.aromanticism.org/
• A Carnival of Aros: https://carnivalofaros.wordpress.com/

https://aromanticspectrumday.net/en/home-english/

I have doubts about the subject so I decided to ask opinions here.

my case: I've known that I'm asexual for many years but I have doubts about the romantic part, during school I was never interested in anyone and I lied about having a crush to fit in, I started dating when my now ex-girlfriend declared herself to me, until that At the moment there was no interest in her but I really enjoyed the experience of being in a relationship, after the end I sometimes make out with women at parties (just kiss), but I'm afraid they have some romantic feeling for me, despite that I catch myself imagining myself in a somewhat idealized romantic relationship what do you think maybe am I?

(15 year old straight white male) I am not grayromantic, however I dated a person who identified as a trans (ftm) grayromantic person. At the time neither of us knew. We dated for a year and it was great for me. Everything went smoothly: there were no arguments. Then, all of a sudden, they snapped and we ended, but they insisted we stay friends. I liked that idea even though it meant bottling my feelings for them. We stayed friends but they honestly treated me like shit. I felt awful (they would even abuse animals, and killed one.) So, I quickly lost feelings but they were struggling with a lot so I would help a lot to help them feel better. They used that and we became fwb.

I would be at their house and they'd wanna be sexual so I did and after I would wanna cuddle and shit but I {knew I} couldn't because they were grayromantic... but they always did anyway which confused me. They would even ask to cuddle at times. After a while I said I no longer wanted to be fwb and just be normal friends and that I would seek others romantically. They didn't like that and they cut themselves in front of me : so I promised I wouldn't leave them.

I didn't promise I wouldn't get with a girl and a month later, I did. Then they cut off being friends completely and said "You left" even though I strictly said I wouldn't and I didn't. I just got with a girl cuz pursuing her after they told me they are gray + trans wouldn't work for us. So I got with a girl and they cut off all connection. All I wanted was for me and my friend to be happy. I hope they're ok i still love her in wtv way.

So for a while, I described myself as aromantic (feeling little to no romantic attraction). And I still do, but now I use the meaning that refers to the entire spectrum. But the thing is, I would have some days where I could confidently say I am aro, and other days, I second guess my feelings. And even though it would almost always be tertiary, I think it may have had mild romantic attraction mixed in there occasionally, which could be why I was second guessing.

I've also been consistently growing more and more romance favorable. (IK this is unrelated to romantic attraction, but I feel the need to mention this.)

I also have a "type". And if I meet someone of this type, I will feel a slow burn romantic attraction towards them. But often times it fades before it becomes something interesting, or when it finally does become intense, it only lasts for about a week before fading away too. But then it comes back at a random intensity at random moments.

And for people outside my "type", I randomly switch between purely tertirary feelings, and with some mild romantic attraction mixed in there.

It also isn't a global shift. I can "feel more aromantic" when I look at a group of potentially attractive people (mainly emotional and aesthetic attraction), but feel more "alloromantic" when I look at another.

When I feel romantic attraction, I experience it in the same way alloromantics do. (Or at least I think so.)

So am I aroflux, somewhere else on the spectrum, or am I alloromantic?

(I know that I shouldn't invest too much into labels, and I don't. But I'm curious and want one for my Discord profile.)

It's about if they're gonna be a good partner to you :/

That has nothing to do with appearance

I'm not hating, I just don't get why people care about appearance so much

So I started having feelings for one of my friends back in June. Then recently near the end of July it went away for like a week and a half but now it's slowly coming back. I'm indecisive on whether I want to date her or not. She's a really great person and I don't want to lose her as a friend but also wanting our relationship to be closer than a platonic one but less than a romantic one. So I was wondering if a QPR is the best way to go.

Side note she knows that I am greyromantic and greysexual so I don't know how she'll respond to me asking about being in a qpr relationship with her.

Someone literally just posted that their therapist invalidated them by saying it was just trauma just as I went to post this and now I feel even worse about this.

But what if, for me, it's off of insecurity and a fear of intimacy. What if I'm appropriating an entire identity.

Background, idk where to place myself. I do actually desire romance, but I don't desire most people. Obviously romantic people aren't out there wanting everyone, but for me it's more than the normal amount. But it's not like that desire isn't there, there's just not a place to put it. The interest to have someone is extremely inconsistent.

But I also have a background of a very young and messy divorce with my parents. I didn't grow up with many healthy relationships around me as a child. I was bullied and struggle with a lot of negative self talk. Dating has always been hard for me, but the queer and poly community make it feel easier.

And I'm so touch sensory sensitive and touch starved all at the same time. I just don't know what to classify myself. I don't how I'd ever be good enough for someone or even find someone I care enough to try with. But if that's the case, then can I really call myself greyromantic? What if I'm wrong?

I just feel guilty taking up this space if it's not accurate but I also don't know if maybe I do classify as grey too. I hope I'm not alone in this. This part of my identity is so much more confusing than sex.

I’ve been identifying as aro spectrum for the last couple months, somewhere in between aroflux and greyromantic, and I’ve felt so good about it. For once I felt like I finally understood myself and felt understood by a community, and while I’ve struggled to really feel like I am aro spec (because of my own doubts), I’ve felt like I belong here.

I brought it up with my therapist today and she told me she thinks it’s a symptom of a disorder, and the shaping of my traumatic experiences with familial relationships in the past. I thought about this before, thinking that maybe I’m just depressed or maybe it’s just trauma or maybe I haven’t found the right person, since I had 2-3 crushes when I was younger and felt like I wasn’t REALLY aro spec.

Hearing her say it though makes me feel awful. I honestly have felt identified here and finally felt normal, like I wasn’t sick or cynical or like I had to fall in love (which I have never done and don’t want to do). I don’t want relationships. I’ve never been interested. Even with my crushes, I didn’t want to do romantic things with them, I just felt sexual attraction that quickly disappeared after I stopped interacting with them. I felt like this was really a part of who I am and I was working through the struggles of trying to accept that, and now I don’t know what to think.

I have C-PTSD, social anxiety and depression, and my therapist told me it sounds more like symptoms of those disorders than me being actually aro spectrum.

I'm not sure if I've ever have a crush or felt romantic attraction to a real person. I've found people attractive, put I don't really think I've liked anyone.

Whenever I have believed that I like someone, it has only been that I find them attractive, there are no feelings, or when someone has confessed to me, I like the attention, not the person. There was only once I think I might have kinda liked someone, since I was kinda jealous when they were around my brother, who liked them, but I've heard people say it's normal to feel like that about a friend.

However, I have had several crushes on frictional characters, some of have lasted months or even years, and that's why I don't think I'm fully aromantic.

I don't know what I am, and I can't help thinking that maybe the fact I'm asexual is affecting the way I experiment romantic attraction. I would appreciate your opinions.

TL;DR at bottom

Years ago I got married. I liked her, hell I loved her. But in the same way you love a dog or a family member. I figured that was the happiest I could be. My upper limit on romance has been hit and I was fine with it. I was aromantic and proud. When it ended after 8 years together it hurt, a lot. I may not have been "in love" but I was still stabbed in the back by my best friend and that sucked. Learned that day the amount of joy I get from love isn't worth the pain and trouble it can cause.

Fast forward to about 2 years ago I met this woman. We hit it off well but after a few dates things out of either of our control made us split. We kept being friends though, and now we're best friends. We do everything together. It's to the point of someone has an issue with me they go to get about it because they know I'll listen to her.

Well she stated seeing the second guy she has since we split. The first time I was so confused as to why I was almost angry, had a knot on my stomach kinda thing, but they didn't last long (the feelings and her dating) so I chalked it upto my new meds and moved on. The moment she started seeing this new guy the pit came back, with a vengeance. It was so bad I had to stop taking to her for a few days while I sorted through my issues. I finally came to the conclusion that I'm in love with her. And that sucks. I care more about her than I ever cared for my ex wife, more than all my animals and family.

She's aware, she confronted me about it when we hung out yesterday and she got upset that I shut down whenever the topic of my feelings come up on most things. It was killing her that I wasn't being honest with my best friend so to stop her from being upset I told her the truth. She took it well and she thanked me for finally being honest.

It killed me to open up like that, I feel like a bad friend, but she's happier now. And my identity, a point of pride has been forever shifted. Fucking heartbreak to figure out I was in love, didn't even get to sit back and appreciate the good stuff.

TL;DR

Thought I was straight aromantic, but then I fell in love with my best friend and broke my own heart. Turns out I'm grayromantic.

To my fellow grays.

TLDR summary: Do feelings of being in love stay with you long after the relationship they came from ends? If so, do you think you are grayromantic because the feelings stay with you? Or do they stay with you because you are gray? ——————— Details:

This is a chicken and egg problem for me. I’m still pretty much in love with the handful of women I’ve ever been in love with. The one on my mind most is always the one I most recently broke up with. This last one, it’s been almost 2 years and I have barely any contact. We parted on good terms. she’s the one who ended it. She has her own ideas of why she didn’t. “love me the way she wanted to.” I of course wonder if my grayromanticism put out friend rather then love vibes after we’d been together for a while.

she is still in half the dreams I remember . in the last six months, they almost always involve us just to having relaxed friendly conversations with each other finally, and I feel so relieved.

Do you find that old loves stay in your heart for a long, long time? I wonder if I’m grayromantic because they stay in my heart so I’m thinking about them always instead of looking at whoever is in front of me. Or because I’m gray and don’t feel in. Love very often does the last time I felt that intense feeling stay with me?

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Just to preface this, I understand that nobody else can decide my romantic orientation. And I’m sure that this sub gets this question enough that this post may be a bit repetitive and/or annoying, and if thats the case feel free to ignore this or let me know and I’ll delete it. I’m autistic, and I tend to over-analyze, and I have some reason to suspect I could be grey romantic, and some contradictions that lead me to think I am over analyzing my own romantic attraction. I’m hoping anyone can either a: back up my suspicions as reasonable or b: tell me if it seems like I’m overthinking.

I’ll start with why I may not be because this probably requires less explanation:

I’ve had crushes. Throughout my life, probably quite a few. Too many, even. I’ve dated. I’ve been in 3 relationships, all of which were mutual and sought out.

Now here’s why I thought I might be:

My current partner is greysexual (or otherwise somewhere on the sex-positive end of the ace spectrum), and as part of a hypothetical to help me understand our dynamic a bit better I tried imagining a situation in which my drive for romance is similar for their drive for sex now. This hypothetical lined up a little too well with how I approach romance in reality, and how I always have.

I love my partner romantically (pretty sure), but that feeling isn’t active. It’s like it comes and goes, and sometimes I want to give them physical/verbal romantic affection, and other times the idea seems exhausting and even repulsive in a way. I also have ADHD, and part of this is a struggle with object permanence. So most of the time when I tell someone “I miss you” it’s a lie, just straight up empty and performative because I know they’ve think I don’t care for them if I don’t miss them. Sometimes romantic interactions feel like this to me too: empty, and just a way to not make my partner think I don’t care for them (which I do). This is what got me started thinking I could be on the aro spectrum.

As for my previous relationships, those are similar. I’ve always not been so good at communicating romantic affection, because as I said before it often feels so performative to pronounce love that it just didn’t even occur to me. Granted, my first relationship was with someone I definitely didn’t fit with anyways and I do not know why I was with her for 2 years. But also, I only really started dating her because I felt lonely, and I felt like being in a relationship was what you’re supposed to do when you’re lonely.

Once I did a bit more research I found out there are like 5 different types of attraction, and now I’m just confused about that in a whole new way. Like I don’t understand the difference between platonic attraction, emotional attraction, romantic attraction, and physical attraction. Like I said before, I’ve had crushes… I think. But looking back, I’ve always just had a crush on whoever I was closest to. And now I’m wondering, was that actually a crush at all, or do I just not know the difference between romantic and platonic attraction?? And god that would explain why I have such a hard time keeping friends.

Looking into the types of attractions as well, it seems like romantic attraction is the desire to like date and be with someone romantically? But that doesn’t seem like a feeling to me. And I enjoy being with my partner, I don’t ever want to like break up or anything, I just don’t always feel affectionate in a romantic sense. But is not wanting to break up all that romantic attraction is?

I think thats everything, I feel really confused about this whole ordeal so if someone could please chime in that would be extremely helpful.

TLDR summary: I’ve recently noticed that I’ve been skipping over romance character development parts of super hero/science fiction/fantasy movies for years and wonder if this is a guy thing or a grayro thing. Do you skip this material ?

——-

I recently finished reading “The Familiar” by Leigh Bardugo

Enjoyed the first part, about 2/3 of 3/4 through it became more romance than magic in power struggle fantasy. Very disinterested and only kind of half paid attention through those parts.

I started watching Shadow and Bone on Netflix. Interesting storyline,nice costumes but not super well-made. I get to romance related character development scenes. I tend to skip right over them.

Thinking back I have been skipping over that part of movies on streaming for years. I am not romance and very much want to fall in love again. I wonder if the skipping is a guy thing or a grayro thing.

Do you skip over this stuff?