/r/grayplatonic

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To those who rarely get attached to someone, rarely desire friendships or rarely ever want just a friendship with someone and nothing more

/r/grayplatonic

21 Subscribers

3

Am I grayplatonic?

I don’t often see people and think ”I must be their friend IMMEDIATELY”, or” I want to be their friend”, or “I should go talk to them to become friends” which apparently is what platonic attraction is? it has happened, maybe like, a handful of times tho. Now that I think of it, it’s incredibly rare that I’ve had that feeling.

Majority of my friends that I’ve had just kinda fell into my life, whether they were friends of other friends, or we had the same class and just kinda forced into(an incredibly shallow) friendship.

Ive also find it really hard to make friends, and I’ve very rarely in my life had deep connections with friends. Not even sure if I’ve even ever met that level before.

But the thing that’s confusing me is that not having friends or deep connections makes me sad. I also have pretty bad social anxiety, which could be all this is. Does this mean I’m not aplatonic? Or does this mean that I’m also friendship-positive and cupioplatonic?

What do y’all think, does this sound like gray platonic?

(Might add more in edits if I think of it later)

1 Comment
2024/10/09
23:26 UTC

7

Just found this sub! Ramblings from a greydemiplaro with brain issues

I'm greyplatonic & demiplatonic who is also aromantic, bisexual & demisensual. I have a super BF (best friend or boyfriend) who I've been seeing for 3 years now. I'm sexually, aesthetically, platonically and alterously attracted to him.

This is a long post, I apologise about that.

I find that I categorise friendship very differently from others and have actively done since I was 18 (I'm 22 now). I often use "good acquaintances" and otherwise find it weird and wrong to call people friends despite others seeing it platonic with me. I attribute this categorisation mainly to being autistic & having childhood trauma but the categorisation definitely reflects my lack of platonic attraction as opposed to just intellectual or social attraction.

I feel like letting people assume my BF is my (romantic) partner is (while uncomfortable) the easiest way for people to know my attraction to him is different to my attraction to my regular (incl regular best) friends. Plus if I told people he was "just my friend" they'd be confused as we have sex and are physically close. It's still platonic attraction but when it's mixed with alterous, sensual and sexual attraction it's different. I've experienced alterous attraction by itself a few times, to be clear. The idea of friendship or romance with alterous attractions is just odd, especially as I'm aromantic & often romance repulsed.

The thing that made me realise my friendship categorisation was unusual when a good acquaintance from college (UK) of 1 year referred to me as her friend to other people. I can't remember what the conversation was about so much as the confused feeling I got because I didn't know it was that deep with her. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or make her think I disliked her because I didn't at all. I've told people how I categorise things before and they don't relate.

I'm platonically attracted to all genders like with other orientations (besides romantic) but I hardly ever get the urge to call someone a friend or "make friends" with someone who I can just be acquainted with.

I don't have much urge to hang out with people outside of an organised, group setting. I go to my local Deaf club, french conversation group & autistic adults group and been doing that sort of thing for a few years now. To me it feels safer, because there's often people who make sure everything goes okay and I was also satisfied with not making friends with my university classmates during my bachelor's. I got along and sometimes talked with my classmates (not just in group projects) and I'd say I'm pretty easy to get along with, but I don't really feel like hanging out with them.

Even with my actual friends I don't feel the need to talk to them all the time. I can spend months not talking but my platonic feelings don't change. My best friend besides my BF is long distance which is hard for me, because she's the only friend I have left besides my BF since many friends I had from college left me or we drifted apart. I visit her sometimes but I actually don't feel motivated to go back down there as much as before.

I also don't feel the need or trust to confide emotionally to most friends I have. In particular about my mental health. To me it's too private and I don't trust they'll be supportive of it (trauma brain, again). I don't have enough of a bond to do that.

I only get platonic attraction to someone after I have been talking with them and getting along for at least 1-2 years of knowing them and even then it's quite rare for me to consider them a friend or feel like we're friends. I've not made any more friends since college (besides BF). I feel like my platonic attraction to BF only developed more as I became more physically, sexually & emotionally close with him.

I've been feeling lonely as I haven't seen BF as much due to his work schedule and other things he gets busy with. When I feel like I'm losing a friend or have lost a friend, it's almost like when alloromantics deal with a breakup. It's very hard for me. I hate the change and the loss of connection I would have to spend ages building up with someone else. I know rationally he still is attracted to me and he cares a lot about me still but I'm scared I'll be lonely again. I feel lonely quite easily, despite being greydemiplaro (how tf does that happen??? /rh).

2 Comments
2023/08/07
00:33 UTC

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