Do you have any ways to cope with weight gain that I probably haven't heard or read before? if not weight gain just really big feelings and emotions in general? thank you in advance ❤️🫂

Hi!

Two years ago soon, I decided that it was time to recover from my eating disorder. My eating disorder started because I had just graduated from high school; so much change was happening in my life, and I felt like I had lost control of all of the things happening around me so eating less and controlling my own weight felt like the only thing I could actually control. One thing led to another and in a matter of months, life around me had completely changed to be fully shaped around what I looked like, how much I weighed, and what I ate.

So, on February 8, 2023, I decided that I was sick and tired of living the way I was, and I decided that maybe it was time to give recovery a shot. I wanted to live my life the way I lived my life before this mess. I wanted to be the smart, intelligent, and passionate girl that I was before this mess.

In the beginning, things were extremely difficult. I had lost my period, I wasn’t able to focus, and I was still doing excessive exercise for the increased amount in my food intake. So, my mom encouraged me to go see my physician. When I saw her, she realized how much I had changed, and I was pretty much made to delete everything; my calorie tracker, my food logs, and made to eliminate almost all of my physical activity. It was so incredibly hard. All I could think about was my weight, what I looked like, and how much weight I was gaining. All I could think about was how hard all of this was. And then I started to lose my hair. Clumps and clumps would fall out and I felt so worthless because I felt like I had done all of this to myself. This year was the hardest year of my life, and recovery was so, so difficult.

I lost friendships and relationships to this eating disorder. I hurt other people, and I hurt myself. I lost myself, for a large part of it to. For so long, all I could think about was calories and the nutritional value of what I was putting into my body. I became a version of myself that I don’t like to remember too often. It felt like there was no end in sight to this suffering.

But now, I’m sitting here two years later, reflecting upon my journey, realizing that things have changed. It’s funny, how everyday, it feels like nothing changes, yet when you look back, everything is different. When all of this started, I was a university student. Two years later, I sit here, post-graduation, because yes, I finished my bachelor’s degree, even through recovery, and I am now a teacher. And I remember the suffering that I went through. I remember the suffering I still sometimes go through, but I realize that through everything I gained back, the most important thing I gained back was my happiness. I am not perfect, nor am I cured. My body is physically healthier, but I still have my bad days. But I am better. I grab food without thinking about it, and I enjoy outings with my friends, family, and boyfriend without worrying about what I am consuming. Two years later, everything has changed, and that’s okay.

My eating disorder will always have influenced who I became, but it will never be who I am. Because I realize that I am tough. I have got so much work to still do, but I know that I’m tough, and that slowly, things have gotten easier. So to those of you who are just starting their recovery right now, who are thinking about how impossible everything feels, I am here to tell you that things get easier. They do. You slowly start thinking less and less about everything and that little voice in the back of your head stops nagging you at every second of the day. You just need to try.

i think im experiencing EH, and ive been told from my nutritionist to eat whatever i want until im satiated (and if im hungry and dont know what i want, to eat something high in protein), the thing is, im struggling to know when im hungry or not, i feel my stomach empty almost 24/7, but sometimes i get like full from my throat?? at the same time as that empty stomach feeling and i dont know if im hungry or not, if i dont eat im scared im ignoring my hunger cues and delaying recovery, but if i do im scared im overeating and end up feeling sick or even developing BED, does anyone have any tips to know when im actually hungry?

what should i do? i've been constantly eating and honouring my (constant) mental hunger cues, but i find that i get physically full and nauseous very quickly. i've been eating nonstop all day today, but my brain is still screaming at me to eat more. i don't know what to do because i'm insanely nauseous and distressed and even sipping water is too much for my stomach rn 😖

i’m starting to get back into some more of my interests :-) anime was a huge part of my personality and core interests (i run a large tiktok account where i post about anime figures and plushies, i loved to cosplay, i loved to draw my favourite characters, i loved to talk to others about anime and manga and obviously consuming that content and being a part of fandoms) and at my worst and at the height of my ed i didn’t have an interest in any of that, i genuinley didn’t even enjoy it and trust me i tried so much but i realised it wasn’t me falling out of love with those things because of who i was changing into it was just the ed taking over me and my life. starting recovery has given me the energy to engage in my interests again, not all the way as i’m yet to cosplay or draw but ive been consuming a lot of anime content and im just really happy because i really missed binging anime and being interested in what i was watching and at the peak of my ed i only cared about food related content but that’s a bit boring to me now and i’d much rather watch what i’m interested in… idk im just happy :,) i wont lie recovery hasn’t been perfect? ive had some slip ups, ive not been 100 perfect but im trying to hold myself more accountable and im going to try push myself next week because ive just been in a comfortable spot but i realised its not helping me at all in the long run so no more of that even if i am eating foods im genuinely enjoying i need to switch it up and push myself further, and also my sleep has been AMAZING like its been so good, i struggled to sleep in the peak of my ed but ive been going to bed really early maybe at like 9-10pm and i naturally wake up, i dont even need an alarm, im just able to properly sleep and it’s making me really happy

Long history of anorexia. Currently underweight, and I know I need to gain weight. Have been with low weight for several years now without much progress. 28 years old and wanting to date, find a life partner, get married, have children (if possible - haven't had a period for over a decade).

All this to say, I have days where I am a bottomless pit and eat everything and anything. That was yesterday. I slept and ate all day. Didn't leave my couch. Today, the guilt and shame is immense. I feel gross and don't want to eat at all. I know restricting today won’t help, but it’s so hard to push past the guilt and physical fullness. Any advice on how to stay consistent? Has anyone else been through this? What helped you push through?

I completely lost interest in all of my prior hobbies and interests. I'm slowly getting back into a few but I feel like maybe I've put grow some of them and they genuinely aren't interesting. sooo what are some interesting hobbies that I could maybe try out? what are y'all doing lately? alrighty thanks and have a good day ily and I'm really proud of you for choosing recovery and choosing life, you deserve everything good in life ❤️

hey guys, so I've kind of been on and off when it comes to recovery, not going to be dishonest - two days ago I had a bit of a blind hunger moment (ate as much as possible, obviously my body was scared I'd return to restriction) - I ate so much it became uncomfortable, the next morning I did the exact same. then impulsively, after staying strong and promising myself I would not go back to laxatives, I took them. I'm so disappointed in myself. For everything. And the thing is, I took them and not even two hours later I went back to the kitchen and ate. I wish I had just let my body be. I seriously wish I could be normal. I'm going to throw away the laxatives, I shouldn't have kept them anyways, but the discomfort and pain and stupid idea of damage control is just not worth any of this. I hadn't had them for a month and this is just really upsetting me. Ugh. Anyways. I just had to vent I guess.

hi, i went all in recovery 2 days ago and have been eating more for nearly a week, and my whole body feels very bloated and puffy despite me eating to my EH/MH for 2 days only and eating maybe slightly above maintance for a week-ish i can visibly see my hands and thighs,ankles and stomach much larger, i cant be weight restored so fast right? i also randomly started waking up at night drenched in sweat??? like genuinely i wake up like 2 times a night and im wet everywhere from sweat what does fhis mean:(

I seriously feel like I'm having a mental health crisis. My health has absolutely plummeted over the last year after I decided to move across the country and away from my family for a job. For some reason I thought I could handle my ed while living alone, but I was so wrong. I feel absolutely pathetic for needing help as a 28 year old woman but I can hardly function anymore. I have a full time job and have everything going for me but I'm this close to throwing it all away because of how sick and insane I feel. It takes everything in me just to keep this up: work, restricting, exercise. I'm like a machine, I can't even think. I just do. I've dropped therapy, dropped the dietician, avoided medical professionals altogether. Rational thought has left the building and I don't know how to help myself anymore. I've never felt so physically unwell and I feel like I can't keep on like this. Some days I want to quit my job and just go home to recover for a few months but I've worked so hard for my career and I can't just give up. I just know I'll be the laughing stock of the family (my extended family, my parents are very concerned and supportive). I'm just so sad and tired and ashamed.

Hi so I’ve been trying to gain some weight and get more comfortable with eating regular meals everyday. Like the title says, ever since I started actually eating regularly I’ve noticed that I constantly feel bloated and have some type of stomach pain as well as feeling constipated (sorry tmi). Is this normal? I’ve gone through this process before and I don’t remember ever feeling like this, it might be just because I’m older now or because my diets changed a bit but it’s making me kind of anxious. If anyone’s dealt with this how did you get over it?

Just allowed myself to have ice cream for the first time in so long! I typically only avoid it because of high added sugar, calories don’t trigger me like they have in the past! I felt proud of myself as I ate and enjoyed it. And then went back and ate the whole pint. I feel so shitty and bad now

hi!! im sorry, i know stuff like this gets posted all of the time but i haven't been able to find someone who's experience sounds like mine. i am very newly in recovery and i want to honor my extreme hunger but i don't even know if it is that. i don't feel physically hungry at all. i just want to eat all of the time because i enjoy eating so much i guess. it's not even like i eat dinner and i want food 30 minutes later, it's i eat a full dinner and the second i wash my plate im grabbing handfuls of goldfish from the pantry. and if this is extreme hunger, how much is too much?? i know that there is no "too much" in recovery, but i get EXTREMELY bloated. it can't be good for me to keep eating past that, right? isn't the definition of binging eating past comfortable fullness?? because i definitely am uncomfortable but i just want to keep eating. but that seems like it will cause me physical harm because i can't possibly get any more bloated without exploding or something i think. idk what to do. sorry if this post is long and doesn't make sense but im very stressed out and i feel like im just binging

Does anyone have tips for increasing appetite early on in recovery when the body might be used to large fasting windows? For someone finding it hard to eat at every meal hour and really wanting to feel hunger!

has others extreme hunger also gotten worse/stronger as they gained more weight?? just wanna know if others experienced this or if im not alone here🫠ive gained a significant amount of weight which im pretty good at trying to ignore and not care about, especially because my life feels so much brighter with other things, but lord my eh has not gone down and has gotten honestly stronger!! lowkey really annoying but im assuming it may be because my period has yet to come back? praying for her to return soon🫶🏻😢

so when I started recovery I was underweight and my mom told me I could eat whatever because I had to gain weight anyways. About 2 weeks in EH hit me (mostly mental atp) and I was eating a LOT. well, I still experience that, and today I hit my weight goal. My mom told me to cut back now because she bought me new clothes today and said in where I need to be and I don’t need to eat as much now. I’m so upset though because I’m still really mentally hungry but idk what to do because I don’t wanna just keep gaining weight when I don’t have to, and especially if she told me I don’t need to. I’m gonna miss my cereal bowls at midnight. I’m gonna miss being able to eat handfuls of chocolate just because. I’m gonna miss all of it but now that I don’t have any wiggle room I can’t do that anymore and I hate it. My mind literally won’t let me.

Remove if not allowed

T.W binge Eating

My wife is a deeply affected by her binge eating disorder, and I want to help her through this without triggering her, and I’m not sure weather or not to support her in not eating or even how to support her correctly? She doesn’t know how I can help either. I’ve asked her therapist and ask others. I figured I’d try to reach out here to ask for advice and ways I can help her.

Hi all! My current therapist has recommended I see someone who specializes in EDs, so I've started looking for one. Does anyone have any tips on things I should be looking for? Any specializations or certifications? Also, if you know any questions I should ask in the first session, that would be amazing as well. TIA!!!

Basically the title. But I’ve been in recovery a while, I’ve had lots of EH and now I feel it’s subsiding but I still eat a good amount of food. But the other day I saw what online says I should eat in a day to maintain and I was shocked. It was so little. Can someone help me understand why that’s what is recommended? Like am I doomed because I only feel full after having at least 50% more than the online recommendations? Also I don’t count each days calories just estimations.

i had an ED for “only” 4-5 months: i went through a bad time and i restricted a lot. rn i’m in recovery since october but only a month ago i started experiencing extreme hunger (i had to search for this ‘symptom’ bc i didn’t know about it). i already had a fast metabolism, but this is not it,, i think(?)

tbh it’s very scary and i feel guilty for all this. i’m not restricting as i used to do, i eat my meals regularly but i feel hungry again after 30 minutes. i still have fear foods that i avoid, but mostly i could eat nonstop. i wish i could let myself go and just eat so that i could finally recover.

So I had stomach cramps almost all day for a few days last week, but it went away. I actually thought it was my period coming but I was wrong. Or else due to me increasing my intake. Anyway, flash forward to yesterday and today and I’m feeling the cramping again. I get temporary relief from it and I think it’s gone but then it comes back.

I don’t exactly know what I’m expecting from posting this but I just want to know if anyone has any advice, if this is normal in recovery, what can I do to help it?

for some context im 14. i went through a period of starvation for 3 months, i have no clue what damage its done to me but im at the weight i wanted to get to and maintain thats not healthy. but the thing is ive been eating a "normal" amount for around 6 months now, but i’ve struggled with severe compulsive exercise that im extremely worried about continuing. i dont have a period, i have a dangerously low heart rate (not becahse of “health” i can confirm, and i can feel my body shutting down.

ive been checked by a doctor every month to make sure my weight is going up to not be hospitalized but ive been manipulating the numbers every time. im still exercising like hell which imnnot supposed to be but technically since im still eating like 2000 calories which is the minimum they dont question it.

i want to seek help because i know i can’t maintain this any linger but with how much ive been eating i dont even think i’d fit the criteria for anorexia anymore. im worried about my past restriction though even if im no longer doing it. i hate this i want to get help im ashamed but i have weird circumstances that prevent me from feeling “justified” in doing so. like to an average person id appear fully recovered and just pursuing some sort of fitness journey thing and maybe i am i dont know i just am really struggling. can i seek help for inpatient anorexia treatment if im no longer in immediate danger from severe restriction???

im really ashamed to post this because i dont even feel sick enough to ask for help becauee of not being in an immediate state of starvation but but ive lurked on here a lot and this subreddit gives me a lot of hope to see that other peopl have made it through this disorder or are making it through which means i can too. if this breajs any rules im sorry i just dont know what to do i just wanna know what to expect if i did or get some advice

Hellooo so I've been in recovery for almost 5 months now and gone through the worst of my xtreme hunger however I still have troubles with my hunger cues like its mainly js mental hunger with questioning am I hungry? (YES) however in the last few months I've noticed I'm only ever physically hungry when lying on my left side - and it's like undoubtedly hunger however when I lie on my right or stand/sit up it vanishes. There's not even mental hunger there so I'm wondering is there something wrong with my body? Am I denying the fact that I am hungry even tho I don't feel like eating?? - like honestly i had a big sized choc bar a while ago and it satisfied my mental hunger the thought of eating anything else is making me sick. If anyone else has gone through this pls lmk 🙏😭😭 I have no clue what's going on ive never heard abt this before

This just happened. I'm staying the evening at my grandparents, it's my grandma and me right now. I really tried my best today, eat a chocolate. But I did what I felt comfortable with. I was okay with how I did today. But then my grandma got out a chocolate for me and I just lost it. I started crying. I couldn't do it. I felt so guilty. I just feel really full, I genuinely do. My grandma doesn't understand, I talked about it, tried to explain it. She tells me to be careful that this whole food situation doesn't end with me in a depression again.

I know it's been said to go against what the ED voice says, but I did that today multiple times, already tried fear foods and food challenges and I couldn't do it again.

Sorry I just really needed to rant.

So I'm at a point in my recovery journey in which I kind of manage it most of the times, but I still find myself having food rituals. For example, if I'm having veggies, cottage cheese and bread, I have to take a bite of each item alone, then veggies + cottage cheese, then veggies + bread, then bread + cottage cheese, then veggies + cottage cheese + bread. Then I can eat without any other "thing to do". I'm just wondering if this is still caused by my ED, by OCD (I've never been diagnosed but I've always suspected to have it because of many reasons) or to manage anxiety somehow?

Hi all! I’d really like some advice/reassurance.

I’ve been in recovery for 2 months now. During my Ed I completely lost my period for 7 months, before this I never missed and period, I was never even late. Last month I got my period back and was so happy because one of my motivations for recovery was being able to have children someday. This month my period has been a no show. I’m 3 days late, not pregnant but have sore boobs and the occasional feeling like I’m about to come on. I was taking supplements for women’s reproductive health, however this month I stopped taking them. Unfortunately I had to put my dog down this month which has caused me lots of emotional distress, maybe that has something to do with it? Although I am typically a stress head anyway and that’s never affected my period before. I might be overreacting but this has really upset me as I thought I was getting my health back :( as I said, before my ed i was regular. I’m just worried that I’ve messed up my fertility as I really want children.

After I started recovery, I just don’t want to talk with people what I talked with while I was deep in my disorder. Is that ok? Maybe some of you experienced it to? (Many of them also engage themself in disordered relationship with food)

Hi all,

So basically I got a call last week from the eating disorder clinic my doctor referred me to, and they want to see me in a few weeks for an assessment. Since then, the noise seems to have got quieter. It's been easier to eat more or be less obsessive about exact calorie amounts. I've gained weight which mentally I am struggling with, but I'm also finding it impossible to ignore the hunger compared to when the disorder felt stronger. My mom has suggested maybe it's the disorder convincing me I'm already getting better so I don't need the appointment, and will end up cancelling. I'm not sure I just feel very confused because the thoughts want me to restrict still but it's like my body or part of my brain is like no thank you that's enough of that now. Can a disorder just go away?

edited for reapproval

is it really that bad? i may be going there soon… if anyone has been, i have a few questions!

-what do the meal plans look like, structure wise. like do they use an exchange based approach? -bathrooms. do they do flush checks? are they easy to get off of or not? -how do they treat people who aren’t extremely underweight? i have heard some things and am worried. i am veryyy slightly underweight so i have concerns about if i will be treated different because of that -do the use NG tubes in residential? -did it help you really get better?

Hi all!💖 Recovery has been going amazing. Some days I cry, some days I’m so happy. Today is a very beautiful day. One thing that I noticed, is that I keep looking at the time to see whether or not it’s time to eat.

So I know from a fact that this is not because I’m hungry (I do not think about food after eating). It’s just a habit of mine? A dumb habit I created. One thing that I was thought to was to avoid looking at the time as much as possible. The moment that I start to feel hungry is the moment I should eat

So I am practicing that…I’m doing some of my old hobbies like drawing and reading. I just did notice something though: I cannot get into my hobbies like I used to. I sometimes tend to look to time to see if time passed or not…it makes me wonder: is it because of my ED recovery, or do I not enjoy this hobby anymore?

I am a bit confused. Is anyone going through the same? How did you fix it?