I want this out of my life forever. At the start of my recovery I was worried about letting go of restricting but like for what? It’s pointless to keep restricting bc all it’s gonna do is kill you eventually. We’re only on this earth once, just enjoy it. Eat whatever you’re craving, your body is clever and it obviously needs something from it in that moment. Or maybe you just want to eat it for enjoyment, and neither of them are bad things. At the very start of my recovery I was terrified of eating more out of fear I’ll gain weight, when I needed to anyway, like how silly is that? There’s so much more to life than all of the things an ed brings. I have so much more energy to walk, dance around, see family, engage and actually focus on what I’m doing. I’m not fully recovered but I’m gonna keep going bc life will be so much better without an ed.

Somebody talk some sense into me.

I wake up every day with intentions to do better. I still count calories but I’m trying to increase them, but as the day goes on I justify eating less and when I actually do eat it takes too long that I don’t think I have time to eat again until dinner because I’ve got too much to do.

I track calories by week and day, and I won’t put any numbers but I’m still in a deficit and I was hoping to increase at a steady rate until I get into a surplus. For some reason I don’t want to do “too much” and jump the calories too much from week to week but now it’s the end of the week and I’m sitting here with a weekly average less than I planned and it’s making me feel like I shouldn’t increase to what I planned next week because it’ll be too big of a jump. I’m stuck in this mindset and I just need a voice of reason to help me out, or advice on how to do better. I’m not ready to stop counting calories though.

It’s such a paradox and idk what to do about it

Hi all, I am a 21F.  I'm trying to piece together how my past is shaping the persistent physical changes I am coming to terms with nearly 2 years since weight restoring. I do not think there is enough representation of that 'recovery tummy' not conveniently going to all the ideal places. It's a really isolating experience when all the recovery influencers online seem to have hourglass proportions. When people show pictures of their initial 'rapid weight gain' all I see is a flat non-bloated stomach compared to mine. I used to have a six pack and hardly gain weight around my stomach, now it is soft and big relative to my limbs. You are not weird or alone if you've experienced the same.

- Background: At 13, first experience with AN. Entered recovery fairly quickly, thank gosh.

- I got into lifting/yoga. Thought I was doing fine here but in retrospect, needed more nutrition. I had a six pack and no menstruation or breast development. Thought I was just a late bloomer, but this wasn't true. Before 13 happened I was developing normally and I wish I had understood then just how important that was.

- At 15, sliding back. Treatment at 18.

- At 19 full of spite towards everyone and everything, trying to go back and live in the past. Thankfully, eventually decided I'd had enough and weight restored on my own quickly to a weight even higher than projected by my team. Incorporated strength training for bones.

- At 20, went on birth control to start a period. Stubborn uterus wouldn't do it on its own and so I got endometrial hyperplasia (buildup of uterine tissue). I was on it for 2 months, went off, and my body now produces very regular periods w/o medication (yay but OW). At 21 I am fully recovered mentally + physically + nearly there spiritually.

What I notice: While throughout my entire life I stored very little fat around my stomach, after recovery this is the main place it accrues. My stomach is boxy and soft and I am chronically holding it in. My chest is much smaller than I think it would be based on genetics. I am curious as to how much of this is my body as it naturally always would be, or how much of this is my body as a response to trauma. My digestive health is normal. I do lift weights due to being prone to fractures now, along with some low-impact cardio. I drink a lot of water. I look after myself well. It could bring me to tears the thought of being intimate with someone and having their eyes lay upon the thing I try so hard to cover up and you almost wouldn't expect based on the rest of me. Overcoming the shame is hard sometimes. I know I am far stronger than this self-judgement because in a way it has motivated me to keep on going, to be stronger than this resentment, and show a tremendous love to myself I did not think was possible...it is hard to feel like I deserve that, and I know it is hard for many of us..I don't know what I am asking for, maybe advice? To give someone else who needs to hear it, permission to not resent their body?

Wishing whoever is reading this peace and strength.

So, for the past few weeks I've been all in recovery, and now I can't stop myself from getting icecream/some sort of a sweet treat after dinner, and just generally getting some unhealthy snacks or takeout. Tomorrow I'm going out again, and I'll probably eat fast food and get bubble tea for the 4th time this week. Weirdest part is, I don't even feel guilty, I just don't care anymore. Is this normal or is this a pipeline from RED to BED.

I really need advice. I’ve been in recovery for 3-4 weeks now and my mental hunger has been insane. I have physical extreme hunger aswell but sometimes I’m physically so full but can’t stop thinking about food. Whenever I finish my meal I instantly think of my next meal/ snack. Honoring my physical extreme hunger has gotten easier but eating when I’m full is really hard and idk what to do to stop thinking about food all the time. I even get sad when I’m done eating

The more I’m continuing in recovery and eating more I can feel my weight is going up and my body is changing and everyone has told me that it’ll actually get easier… thoughts about having ice cream won’t be as big of a burden

But why do I feel like it’s actually getting tougher and I’m having more hesitation around those types of foods or eating more

how can you differentiate over eating versus eating freely… (even if it makes u hella uncomfortably full)

Like we are all human we can over eat too, so what’s the differentiator?

Recovering from restriction. It’s already a struggle to try and encourage myself to eat, but I find (especially when I’m alone) that it’s very hard to eat enough and walk away without guilt.

I know there’s a difference between eating for eating and eating because your body needs it. I know that I’m eating because my body needs it to recover and do things I enjoy again. But I struggle, especially in the moment, with realising that this is NOT overeating. The line tends to blur, and even if I do sort it out later it still leaves me feeling crummy.

Do you guys have any tips on how to distinction between overeating and actually eating the right amount?

to preface this post, i would like to give love to my parents. they try their best to be supportive, even when they don’t fully understand the extent of my problem.

this week has been rough, i’ve had major body image issues and have not been happy whenever i look in the mirror. i have had major hunger all week and ate quite a bit. i ate things such as cookies my grandma made for my family, in fact i ate most of them. when my mom found this out she said that i needed to “calm myself down around food”. low blow but i feel that way too in a sense. later on the way to swim practice she was carpooling with a few of my friends in the car, she told them this story about how i ate all the cookies and said “i liked it better when you didn’t eat so j could have some food”. that crushed me in a way.

the following morning she would point out a few other things i ate when i had my hunger cravings and say that i needed to basically have more control. i’m so confused and upset, as originally they were the ones who pushed me to recovery.

ive been pretty anxious and depressed lately due to personal reasons and it's so hard to eat. whenever I feel like this i lose my appetite and have the urge to restrict. I can't do that because I know that restricting one meal will make me spiral back to bad habits. so, I still try to make myself eat but it feels wrong since I'm not in the mood. I'm scared that by eating when I don't feel good emotionally, I'm going down a binge eating path or smth 😭

I used to be obsessed with sweet treats and would always want sweet over savoury but right now everything sweet doesn’t taste good or appeal to me at all and I used to be obsessed with sweet stuff. these past weeks I’m put off by everything it’s so odd. Like when I think of breakfast or snacks or even dessert, things I used to love, and I can’t think of anything that sounds good? What is this? Will it pass as I just don’t want anything and have to think so much harder about food as everything sounds and tastes gross to me?

(TW, gonna talk a bit about my experiences) Even at my worst I was never very small. As most of us know, if you starve yourself your body is going to store all the calories it can get once you start eating normally again no matter your size. Due to this I've gained some stretch marks. I know they're a sign of going through recovery and getting better but they can't help but bring me down when I look in the mirror. I would love to hear how you all uplift your body and what you do to feel positive about it. Thank you.

Wanted to offer some encouragement to anyone struggling: keep going because eventually you will feel better!

It's been a bit over 13 months, since I started recovering from anorexia. Managed to increase my weight by 50%, and maintaining it. Sometimes it still freaks me out to be in such a different body, but my doctor assures me that my current weight is healthy: seems its just my brain that still isn't fully recovered. But it's actually amazing that I am as recovered as I am: I am very grateful. I manage to just not pay too much attention to the anorexic brain when it starts up.

To anyone who is thinking you are too autistic, too old, too traumatised, (I thought maybe I was all those things) or too whatever, to recover: you are not: you can recover. I had to basically force feed myself for a long time: didn't have hunger cues. I did the 3/3/3 for ages, and now still do 3 meals and at least 1, usually 2 snacks. I make myself eat breakfast every single day within an hour of getting up, which for someone who by the end of my active anorexia never ate until the evening, even when I got up at 5am, and had not eaten breakfast for a very long time even prior to that: is really a feat.

I was too sick to exercise at first, but then when I put on a little weight tried to get back to it, and then reluctantly accepted, that as someone who has compulsively exercised my whole life I needed a proper break (I thought I just loved to exercise and move, and that sitting was silly and standing was preferable: never understood why people told me I was hyperactive). Stopping exercise and moving all the time was as hard as force feeding myself, but I did it. Eventually was able to do short walks. A couple of months ago I started lifting weights, but felt like it got compulsive really fast, so decided to wait a bit longer on that. Feel like it will be ok to go back to eventually, but choosing to be careful.

Everything about my life is so much better: best of all my brain works again- better than it has for years, and remarkably better than at the end of my active anorexia, when the extent of my cognitive issues was terrifying. My hair stopped falling out, I regained bladder control, heart issues cleared up, got my sense of humor back, reconnected to lots of people, back to doing the research I had to stop due to brain malfunction, I look healthy (and way younger apparently). I don't want to die.

The first few months were really hard, but so worth persevering. Keep going. You got this. Hugs

so i've once again fully surrendered to my extreme hunger. it seems to be getting worse instead of better, but with this being my second attempt i am well aware that it's part of the process. for the past few days i've probably eaten more than i ever had despite not being underweight anymore. it's crazy how hungry i am. lately i couldn't be bothered to care as much as i used to, i just want it to be over with.

anyways, for the past two days my skin has felt bruised and sore, but only when i press on it. particularly around the tummy, sides/waist, upper arms, and thighs. my brain has convinced me it's the feeling of being stretched out due to extremely rapid weight gain. could there be some truth to this, or is it just stupid talk?

i feel like i was not as bad a few years ago as i am now and that worries me. i want to eat but it’s like i can’t. idk what’s okay to say in here so i feel like maybe i should say TW bc i’m mentioning my eating habits (no weight or anything just how often i eat or at least try to)

i really try always eating at least breakfast but then i usually work or go to school for 6-11 hours on end (depending where i’m at) and i find either just impossible to find time to eat, i’m too stressed, or i’m just simply not hungry. but i know that can’t be because i literally WANT to gain weight. i hate being like this, i hate feeling like this, i hate how it makes not only me but other people like my family feel. nothing makes me sadder than to here my mom say she’s worried about me because i look unhealthy. i can have an appetite sometimes but sometimes it really only comes when i’m literally starving and my stomach is growling 😭. i do things like smoothies w protein powder and/or ice cream bc i hate the chalkiness of protein powder. i am vegetarian too so i guess it’s harder and i’m not vegetarian for the diet it’s just because i genuinely don’t want to eat animals lol so please don’t assume. the point is i just see girls my age and they look healthy and actually 20-21 years old whereas i feel like i still look like some kid. i just want to eat more but i don’t know how which i feel like sounds so silly. idk if you have any tips or anything you may do to help yourself eat (i at least want to be able to have breakfast, lunch, dinner and just be normal 😀) thank you for listening

Right now, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am fully recovered (yay!). However, I want to eat food that is better for me and is more filling. These kind of situations are dangerous territory for me, and I really don’t want to accidentally relapse. How can I do this without falling down the rabbit hole again?

I have been living with disordered eating habits and body image issues since I was eight years old I'm thirty three now I have gone through the cycle of binging, purging and anorexia I just am tall and I never fit the typical supposed ideal of what the poster child is supposed to look like so nobody really questioned me much about being sick.At my highest weight I was told I wouldn't live to see thirty , suddenly I couldn't lose weight and I was smacked with a PCOS diagnosis I no longer had control over my body.I had weight loss surgery lost some weight,gained some weight this year I started rapidly losing weight found out it's cause I was getting sick due to having wheat and dairy allergies.Long story short I don't know as an adult how to eat like a normal person I rarely eat a meal and I space them out , I forget to eat only remember sometimes because my boyfriend texts me and does check in with me and when I do it it isn't substantial how do I learn healthy habits now when my whole life I have been taught food is the enemy?

Hàs anyone else noticed their taste changing? Things that I used to love now taste odd/disgusting. Is this from my Ed?

Just as typical as it sounds I am concerned about if I will gain back some lean mass and muscle even if I am just resting and eating all day. I've lost so much that embarrassing as it is its led to even my glutes being almost negative which is embarrassing. As a guy as well I used to have a good frame/shape from lifting and playing sports and now there is nothing and my posture sucks.

IG I am wondering if my body will naturally rebuild some of it without using it/having the need for it. Should I at least do something to improve my posture and just everyday strength? if I am just sitting around I feel like it wont since my body senses no need for it. Right now Its too hard to do much anyway because my muscles are so weak. If anyone has experience with this kind of stuff in recovery plz lmk.

i’ve steadily been putting on weight every week for the last 2 months or so, not a lot, but still progress, but my dietician decided 2 weeks ago to implement ensures into my meal plan, and as of yesterday i’m having 2 a day. i DESPISE them, honestly, they make me feel sick. i know that they have essential nutrients in them and all, but if just much rather be eating the calories and nutrients instead of having to drink those things while simultaneously trying not to be sick.

i’ve tried expressing this to my dietician, while also explaining that i feel like they’re holding me back from full recovery because sometimes i feel like i have to compensate the large amount of calories i’m drinking by eating less, but she doesn’t seem to care about how i’m feeling, just the weight i’m gaining.

honestly, i’d literally eat double the amount i’m eating right now if only it meant i didn’t have to drink that shit, but because i’m only 13 and my mum follows everything my dietician says like it’s the bible, i’m stuck with those things until my weight stabilises.

No matter how far in ! This fall vacation has had me thinking about recovery a lot and I’ve realized I wanna recover now. It’s just time. …actually way overdue. This stupid ED has taken too much from me. If I go any further I’ll seriously tarnish my precious life & body. (I have BED). But I’m just so scared. I’m scared of giving it all up. I’m scared that I’ll never get better. I’m scared that my perfectionism will ruin everything for me. I just need some hope, please. Tell me your story. 💜 tell me what made you want to recover and how you’ve done it, what it was like.

PS: I’ve started seeing a new therapist this week and told her about my wish to recover with her help. I’m just scared that I’ve done permanent damage.

So I am officially weight-restored (and I don't mean weight restored to the lowest healthy bmi, I mean weight restored to where my body functions best) but my period is just NOT coming back. I was told I was not underweight enough to even lose it in the first place, and they assumed I had an ovarian cyst. Nope. Thyroid? Perfectly healthy. I haven't had my period in 4 months, and I don't have typical menopause symptoms like fatigue, insomnia etc... in fact I feel great!

Again, I am FULLY WEIGHT RESTORED to where I was told my body will function best. Does my diet have anything to do with this?? Am I not getting my period back because I gained a lot of my weight by eating nutrient-poor foods?? I'm really confused..

Hi I never wrote anything on reddit before so I hope it’s okay So my question is is it normal for my body to feel so sore? I’ve been in extreme hunger for quite a while and I know it’s making me gain weight but I’m at the point where I don’t really seem to care about it much. The problem is my body is so sore I barely can walk as my thighs just hurt. It’s not just like stomach pain from eating too much, my whole body is just so sore and I am getting a bit scared that maybe my body is not able to keep up with my eh. I would be grateful for your advice. I have to mention I am still underweight and my period still hasn’t come back

1. my eh got better. i still have episodes but it's not that often anymore<3 i even feel very very full early (when i never felt full for months) so i guess this is the new phase before having all regulate out. i still keep eating even if i'm not hungry. i feel like i don't think about food that often. i have moments where i can't stop thinking about it so i eat it.

2. the kcals in my head are falling down a bit. i eat what i want and when i'm hungry without thinking about it. it's still there sometimes but i slap it off my head. the hardest is not looking at it when i'm buying things but it's coming. it's still a huge win. but it's still hard to eat out when unplanned or anything, or having a non-planned threat with friends. but small steps leads to the big one

3. i still have fear of weight gain but it doesn't take space in all my head. like i'm starting to like my body. the last kgs i need to gain are still very scary and interfere with my body image but i'm starting to have good day image which never happened since i had my ed. <3

TRUST YOUR RECOVERY !!! trust your body and extreme hunger. if you feel bad that means you're doing things right. i feel like i got past the hardest of recovery. it had me screaming, crying, wanting to relapse so bad (and got some relapse but that's normal and ok, just never give up). recovery is WORTH IT and y'all can do it, i belive in you <3

So I was hanging out with some of my friends, and let's say this guy named Dave pulls out his phone and i literally see meanspo on his lockscreen but like in a "gym bro" kinda way. I hope I'm just reading into it too much but low key have me worried.

Hey everyone. I am someone who's dealt with social anxiety and an array of other mental disorders (depression, OCD, ADHD) for the past 15 years. I've spent the past 5 years actively trying to crawl out of this pit and I've done a lot of research on treatments for mental disorders. For social anxiety the most effective currently known and available treatment is exposure therapy alongside cognitive restructuring.

Recently I started developing what appears to be an eating disorder/binge eating so I was wondering what's the most proven way to treat ED at the moment? I'd like to kill the beast while it's still young.

As soon as I woke up I started thinking about the things I'd eaten the day before.

I had a delicious muffin on the plane while I read a really good book. When i arrived at my relative's house, I got some homemade apple pie and Halloween candy.

Instead of thinking of my great book, or the comfy conversations I had late into the night, my mind is stuck on the irrational guilt!

I'm very much annoyed at my brain for putting the guilt before everything else. I'm writing this to try to look past it, and at the things that actually matter!!!

I finally plucked up the courage to tell my partner about my issues. He was very confused at the beginning, (I was a stuttering mess), but my overblown series of scenarios detailing all the possible ways this could end terribly, did not, in fact, come into fruition. ✨😎✨ He is the only person who knows right now and was incredibly reassuring. He doesn’t know all the grimy details, but he knows im set on recovery, and that it might be a tough road. he wants to be there in any way he can, and I truly don’t think I could have asked for a better partner. 🫶🏻

As a second point. Iv been trying to let go of all my “rituals” and “compilations” so dispite the fact that I had already eaten the minimums, and It would be past my ED designated “eating hours”, when he came over to spend time with me after work, I actually made a meal to sit down and eat with him 😙👌

Writing this down reminds me how stupidly irrational this disorder makes me ☹️

A bit of a vent or whatever bc I keep remembering how I missed so much and basically spent the whole of last summer in the hospital bc of this stupid disorder. I hate myself so much for letting it get to that point. 4 fucking months of my life are gone and I’ll never get them back. I was supposed to be in a play and I spent the whole year dragging myself to that 3 hour class every week even during the worst times of my illness for what? Just to not be able to take part in the final production and everyone just thinks I dropped out and they probably hate me. I also got marks taken off in school because I was absent for the last part of the year. During the summer I was supposed to go to a summer music program at one of my dream universities. I was accepted and they sent me all the stuff and I had to fucking drop out. I had a music exam that summer that I’d spent literal years preparing for(it was delayed before that for an unrelated reason) and now it’s been delayed for another year. Every time I think of everything I literally break down knowing what I could have done in those four months. I just hate myself so much and there’s nothing I can do to go back. I guess there’s really no point to this. Don’t do what I did.