Hey y’all I just was wondering if any of you have experience with pain before and after eating and how long it took until you no longer felt pain? To explain a little better; basically if I’m hungry then my stomach just starts hurting so badly I feel sick but then if I eat something then the stomach pain will often get worse and I also start feeling pain in my chest and my back. I notice this is especially prominent when I eat something after not eating for many hours or if I’ve not eaten enough recently and am extra hungry. An example of this is this morning after I ate my breakfast I was in so much pain and I think it was worse today because I admittedly didn’t eat enough yesterday so today maybe my stomach was just shocked by having food in my system?

If any of you have experienced this sort of thing did it just work itself out after a while? Is there anything I can do to fix it? How long did it take for you?

(Also I am in recovery and am trying my best to eat enough so this comes from a recovery standpoint and not a full blown restriction standpoint)

Has anyone experienced this before? I have been seeing my therapist weekly for about 9 months now for restricted eating / ANA. At the beginning of our sessions I have a blind weigh-in (even though I already am aware of how much I weigh not good ik). Anyways I noticed myself sometimes feeling like I have to restrict days leading up the my appointment so I can weigh less for my weigh-in. I know logically this does not make sense at all because I am there to work on recovery and i know my therapist wants to see my weight go up not the opposite but I subconsciously feel like it has to be low when she weighs me in. I think maybe it's because I know I am still struggling bad with restriction so I want her to know that by my low weight? Has anyone felt like this / experienced this before?

Today was one of the few days since the beginning of my disorder that I didn't count calories at all during the day. I also ate whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted or could (because I still have some digestive issues, mainly indigestion, since I've been eating more than I'm used to; so I still can't eat the amount I need to restore my weight in the most "efficient" way without feeling physically uncomfortable and unwell). I did my best not to think too much about calories, carbs, fat, etc. I still can't believe I did it. It was really hard, but I felt so much better throughout the day! I hope to have more days like this.

I despise my eating disorder. I cannot eat without judgement or controlling it in an extreme way. Even if I’m hungry to the point I feel sick, I cannot eat without guilt and disgust. I desperately do not want this anymore. But, at the same time, I’ve known this for a while now and I’m scared to lose it. I’m scared that I’ll lose the control and go back to how I used to be. There’s so many complicated feelings about eating and food and myself and it is absolutely exhausting

Does your period come back just with increased food intake or other factors accounted for?

Because I’m stressed 24 seven mentally and I truthfully think that, even if I increase my food and take the stress that I have in my body won’t allow me to get it

Weeks? Months? Were you wr? How long? I'm scared I'm broken and ill have it forever now matter what I do

Hi, so I’m currently on the LONGGGGG waitlist for day patient treatment (NHS) and in the meantime I’m outpatient and I get weighed weeekly however, this literally fucks my head up so much and I try to manipulate the number or fast before to try and slow the rate and I hate that I do this but I just can’t seem to stop? I am getting weighed tommrow and I just wanted to know if it’s okay for me to eat today as I know I should but it’s so hard. Especially because I’m also waiting for therapy so I have no help on eating and I’m really struggling also because last time the woman who weighed me makes comments like “you’ve put on a lot of weight” and “that’s good, your almost weight restored” like wtf? Why would u say that like ik its a good thing but its just fucking stressing me out and I’m also scared that when I get weight restored (which will prob be soon bc I’ve gained WAYYY to quick) and not even on a high intake I’ve only been in recovery for 3 weeks and I’m almost there, anyways I’m scared that I won’t be allowed on day patient because of this and it’s so confusing and ugh.

TW; sorry if this is not appropriate

i’ve been trying to recover by slowly putting my intake up. ive made a lot of progress today, i ate >!a bunch of grapes; some chicken, an apple, a protein chocolate pudding. then i just ate dinner and i had green beans and chicken again and potatoes. which is great!< . i even went back for seconds of the potatoes because they were so good. is it weird to be enjoying myself in recovery when eating food i used to like??? i feel guilty for this as it is making me feel like ive faked the disorder, im terrified to look into the mirror and see my bloating and stuff which i know is common so i’m avoiding it this time as i know its a trigger and what triggered me last time and im trying to ACTUALLY recover. like tomorrow im planning on not slipping back into old habits and relapsing 😭 but i was just smiling so much eating these potatoes even though i was scared at first, since it wasn’t my safe food of rice, but i really liked these potatoes. and i literally went back and ate the rest because my brain could not stop thinking about them?? like i feel guilty but i know i need to push past the guilt feeling in recovery and allow myself to move forwards and accept myself and what i eat, because that is recovery in itself. and like tomorrow im looking forward to eating the protein pudding again and even trying a different food. which makes me feel like ive kinda faked my disorder? but i know i haven’t because i have experienced multiple physical ed symptoms both physical and mental? sorry if this sounds silly but like i guess having an ed is weird i need a telling to that im not going crazy. eventually i just want to eat at a 3 meals 3 snacks but im building myself up there at the moment and i think im almost there :-) i just wanna recover i want to live my life i am SICK AND TIRED of this disorder. also i am so full this is crazy uncomfortable > < my stomach is not used to this amount of food :-(

Recovery is so hard. It’s like forcing yourself to eat loads, even when you’re mentally kicking and screaming. Physically crying, too. I hate it. I wish I was normal. I wish I loved myself, but no. I’ve just always had body issues. Ugh

I've been eating more and more consistently lately! I've decided to officially stop counting and estimating calories as well! When school started up again, I started to always keep my phone calculator open and kind of log everything I ate throughout the day. I didn't do this while I was beginning recovery at home but it started up. My eating habits began to worsen too. I had started putting numbers in my head again and being scared of them.

The other day, I realized that I was done with this bs. I hated feeling trapped by my own brain and not being able to eat a certain time and having to tediously estimate every single calorie. This past week, I've been eating what I want and for about 4 days, I haven't had my calculator app open throughout the day!

Eating disorders are so draining and difficult but all we can do is give our best into fighting them. I know I still have a long way to go and I still feel a lot of guilt but I'm pushing through and eating foods I enjoy! I know these cravings will leave soon or I'll get tired of them so I'm riding it out and doing my best to listen to my body. Thank you for reading this and I hope you have an amazing day and journey! :)

My parents know that I struggle and they think that I’m getting better but I’m really not, I may have been eating more but mentally it’s harder. I drafted a letter to send to my mom any tips on how to make it clearer how I feel? Or any helpful links for at home recovery(not just physical but also mental)?

My letter: I’m struggling with food and I want to get better but I can’t do it on my own and I need your help and support. I need help mentally and it’s really difficult for me to deal with my body. I don’t want to immediately jump into eating more but maybe build up to it and I want to work on being able to eat bigger meals instead of just snacks

http://www.kristenlindseydudley.com/what-to-expect-in-recovery.html

https://withinhealth.com/learn/articles/how-to-help-someone-with-anorexia-nervosa

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/anorexia.html

im having a really really hard time right now, i decided to try recovery for the second time ( first attempt was in may and only lasted a month ) and i am eating way too much. i even looked back at the photos from my first recovery attempt and i ate way less and now im on my 3rd day and im eating SO SO SO SO much im literally so scared im gonna be weight restored in like 2 weeks ( last time it took a month) . i have my therapist appointment in 2 weeks and im just so scared that im gonna look so healthy and she just wont do anything like last time. im literally so so full but my mind still wants to eat like im not hungry at all i feel sick but i just cant stop thinkinf about food? im so scared everyone else is struggling to eat and im eating for like 10 people right now i dont know what to do im so scared of being weight restored so quickly it seems that everyone else was just so much worse than me and thats why it took them a longer time. im so sorry for basically just ranting about the same thing over and over again but im terrified. im also scared of what my classmates are gonna think of me when ill be weight restored, and the fact that theres another anorexic girl that is a lot smaller than me doesnt help at all :( im so scared

to preface, i am actively recovering from anorexia and am still underweight though gaining at a steady pace. this morning i woke up with stabbing chest pains that evolved into intense nausea when i got out of bed. I broke out into a cold sweat, and genuinely believed i was having a heart attack. My mom thought it was low blood sugar and gave me some graham crackers and i IMMEDIATELY felt better. this has never happened to me before and it was very distressing. we have scheduled a doctor's appointment, but in the meantime i just want to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar to this in their recovery.

i totally gave up on the possibility of getting my period back whatsoever- since before my ed i had very irregular periods already & i thought my body was beyond saving.

but i GOT MY PERIOD BACK TODAY!

i’m really scared, terrified even, to the point of shaking and almost on the verge of tears in my workplace bathroom. but i know this is a sign my body approves (and is more than happy!!!) of the drastic changes i’ve been making regarding my health. recovery is worth it. you’ve only got one body, one life, one you.

hi! i've been trying to eat at least 2500 calories a day for a couple weeks now, and have seen weight gain results! (which i oscillate between being ok with and wanting to stop eating so much to slow down my weight gain, but i know weight restoration is necessary and i might as well gain it all back now)

i've been using a calorie counting app to make sure i reach 2500 everyday, and it's been helpful in making sure i get there, even when i physically feel sick. however, i want to stop calorie counting -- i don't feel like i'm at all recovered mentally because i've simply just upped the calories and still obsessively think about my meals and the calorie intake because i'm logging them in the app.

is it productive for me to try intuitive eating and stop calorie counting while trying to gain the weight back? does anyone have any advice? i'm so scared that my calorie counting will never stop if i continue (even when i get my period back) if i don't figure out a way to eat without having the app as a mental crutch. at the same time, i don't know if i'll be able to eat 2500 without calculating -- does anyone have any advice on stopping while recovering? thank you!!

I feel like a shitty person. I lie, throw food away, I randomly snap at people, I lost my personality, my spark and i don’t recognize myself anymore. Currently 1 month in recovery but still feel like this.

I'm trying recovery... again. Round 9 or 10 I think? And aside from the anxiety and guilt, one of the hardest parts is trying to learn how to eat on a regular schedule.

I started skipping breakfast when I was 12, lunch when I was 14. I'm nearly 20, and the only meal I can consistently eat without completely flipping out with guilt 75% of the time is dinner (and only because my mom makes it). Even when I wasn't in an active restrictive phase, I'd still eat as much as 90% of my daily intake after 3pm. I just don't know how to eat on a regular schedule-- I don't have normal hunger cues, I don't feel the urge to eat throughout the day, I have very little interest in food before way too late in the day.

It doesn't help that I've been experiencing delayed sleep phase problems-- it's like my whole body is on the wrong time. No urge to eat until 4pm, no urge to sleep until 4am. The intermittent fasting, even unintentional, is my most intense ED symptom that never went away, aside from extreme hunger. How do I move past it? Do I just have to force myself to start eating breakfast, lunch, and morning snacks again?

I have been challenging myself to have caloric drinks in the morning, to ease myself in. The guilt over even that is immense. I just don't know how to start eating with any sort of regularity.

I am hesitant to diagnose anyone else with an ED as I am not a doctor but my mom definitely has a similar relationship with food and her body that I do. She was the first person to encourage me to start intense excercise at 15 and we dieted together on and off in my late teens. I don't live with her but she sometimes asks about my recovery. She is pretty skeptical about me going "all in" for recovery but since it was under a doctors reccomendation she says she will support my decision. She doesn't think I was thin enough to actually have to gain weight. She talks about how even her parents had similar eating behaviors and they lived to 60. She sometimes makes unhelpful comments about the types of foods I eat, that if i am going to eat more calories i should make them "good" calories and not use the doctors orders as an excuse to eat more cake.

She is happy that I feel better eating more but I can tell she is worried about me becoming overweight (which by the bs bmi standards I now am) because her weight has fluctuated so much during her life. She has gone through a very dramatic weight loss this past year and definitely equates health to thinnes even though she acknowledges that she is experiencing brain fog but she attributed it to her age (she is only 50).

I will be seeing her for christmas. Cutting her off is definitely not an option but I do think i might have to put a hard boundary around food and body talk...which i know will be really hard for her actually comply with.

I have really good friends to talk to after any of these conversations but I wonder how any of yall deal with family like this.

had a really stressful day and i just need to rant get these feelings out. i’m gonna say stuff that probably seems so stupid/obvious, sorry in advance

ive been restricting and engaging in excessive exercise for around a year now. this is my second bout with this horrible disease (first time relapser). the pandemic inadvertently pushed me into all-in last time and i “successfully” recovered until i had a bad experience with a doctor and it all started up again. this time around though, ive felt my body deteriorating (for lack of a better term) since July. my hair, teeth, skin, and yes, even my bowels have been decimated this time around. which brings us to today — i went to get my haircut and the stylist couldn’t. stop. commenting. on how much hair i was losing when they brushed it out. they appropriately deduced that i wasn’t eating enough, and gave me a protein bar before i left (tried to get me to eat it there but i wouldn’t).

i really like my hair. i want to recover specifically to save what i can of it. and yet still, i don’t feel like i deserve to recover or am at where i need to be first (this is the obvious part i mentioned earlier, as i know these thoughts are tricks i can pull on myself forever). people are noticing and are worried for me. but there’s always another hill to climb. another goalpost that keeps shifting further away like a mirage. i know this is the disorder trying to continue controlling my life.

so i’ll rip the goalpost from the ground. i’ll recover again. exercise has been helping with my anxiety, but that doesn’t mean i can’t take a day or two off per week, just to start, right? or is that stupid. how about that along with trying to listen to my hunger better…? or is that even more stupid. do i need to go all-in again for it to work? fuck, idk anymore.

i don’t expect anyone to have read this far, but if there’s advice to be given, im not the brick wall this sickness has tried to make me. i am capable of listening & internalizing. thank you regardless <3

As someone who’s attempting recovery alone, i need to know how to gauge my progress

1. I have a hard time sleeping, I wake up after 2-3 hours hungry and after eating can't go asleep (thinking about the next day, feeling nausious, heart beating faster)
2. How to help your digestion? I come from BP (purging with activity) behavior, so it isn't THAT bad but my tummy still hurts
3. I have dirrhea and very irritated stomach. Any suggestions?
4. How to deal with really high sugar intake? Like my hands can start to shake

I'm kind of a regular on reddit at this point because it helps me feel less alone. Right now I'm just really struggling with feeling like my ED still rules my life. Don't get me wrong, as a result of recovery I have uncovered some of my identity and hobbies - crochet is a big one! - but when it comes down to looking in the mirror, or sitting down for a meal or snack, I feel like I'm consumed by the ED.

I still don't like how I look, and that takes up a lot of space in my mind, especially when I'm on social media, or go out in public. And when it comes to food, I have this fear that I'm going to lose control. My dietitian says that when you label foods or make rules about them, it makes you want it more. Because I label these foods as "off limits" I feel simultaneously the urge to eat more, and the guilt and shame for consuming them.

I just want to be able to tolerate myself - sure I know everyone has bad body image days, but I wish not to have them EVERYDAY. I want to be able to eat food without questioning how it will affect my body, if I "should" or "shouldn't" have it, and always feeling like I want more. I just want to be able to let my body be - as it is, I've been trying not to manipulate it through exercise or restriction - instead of trying to change it. I grow tired as the days pass, of feeling like I've hit a plateau in recovery, like I've changed physically but not mentally, like I'm never going to get past these particular hurdles. I'm going to keep trying, but I'm feeling resigned.

im currently in ed recovery, i went “all in” on october 31st. i really want to get better, i want to be healthy, i want to make my mom happy and not scared. i make sure to let myself eat whenever i want and im constantly fighting my brain when it wants me to restrict. (i just had 2 pieces of candy and it is very upset that i won and it lost lol.) i feel like i eat a good amount especially for someone in recovery i have 3 meals and i have lots of snacking. i also havent been looking at my body because im scared if i do it could cause me to relapse but i still feel like i gained a bit. not much but i think a considerable amount for how long ive been in recovery and i feel physically better aswell but the reason im confused is my mom still seems concerned? i see her checking my body by trying to sneakily rub my back and after she does she always asks if im eating or if im hungry or like yesterday she said “you need to eat more spinach!” as a joke because i need more muscle lol. anyways im just worried that im not eating enough to gain or if i think ive gained but its my brain playing tricks? i really feel like im gaining but the way my mom acts makes me feel like i might not be??

I have struggled with a restrictive eating disorder for the majority of my life and I was doing really well until I developed sepsis and was required to limit my diet to all liquids for ten days. I became very malnourished and just yesterday was finally able to start eating again. I will admit I have eaten a very large amount of food but I truly feel it is my body compensating. While I do have quite a bit of shame, this time I am choosing to honor my hunger cues and listen to what my body needs which is good. I figured I would share this for anyone who is struggling with a setback and is looking for hope. Have a wonderful day

I've stopped counting calories after 5 years of on and off calorie counting, I'm doing ok with eating whatever, whenever I want, but it fills me with so much anxiety that I don't know how many calories I eat.. If I keep going will my anxiety about it fade? This fear has kept me in circles for so long..

Hey y’all. To keep it short, I’m a bit more than 2 weeks in recovery now after three months of moderate restriction and excessive daily cardio exercise. Extreme hunger is still at its peak. I have already reached the healthy weight range. But there’s something that still bothers me; my insatiable hunger.

For example, I don’t feel hungry that much until I start eating. That’s when the urges to empty the whole kitchen kick in. When I honor and give in to those cravings, I start eating lots and lots of food. And I’m not satiated AT ALL. I can eat for hours and still not feel full. It’s like EH only kicks in when I eat? But when I take a break from munching food (which isn’t easy, I’ll admit), the mental hunger just gets cut off. Is this normal? Can anything be done about it?

Thank you very much in advance!

Maybe I just haven’t noticed it before but my god the fatphobia is fucking awful on tiktok and instagram. Sometimes I’m so scared to click on the comment section because it can be absolutely ruthless. Like I've seen comments say that overweight people don't deserve to be treated with basic respect?? Like HUH????

I hate to say it, but how has we as a society forgotten that we’re saying these nasty things about real people? It's heartbreaking and I'm so sick of it.

i’m in the beginning stages of recovering and trying to stop ed behaviours and rewire my thoughts, i did increase my intake today but its more to it than that. im trying to stop the amount of time i spend on thinking about food (i know i should honour my cravings, though i am doing a gradual approach and each day i am doing something new such as breaking away from my safe foods, trying to up my intake, stop an ed behaviour, etc!)

one thing i tend to do is waste a ridiculous amount of time looking at food, either by watching muk bangs, what i eat in a day videos, secret eaters which i am obsessed with and admit ill probably have the hardest time letting go; i look on pictures of food i used to eat, etc. trying to recover means focusing my energy into other things. i am taking a leave from college until early next janruary to focus on my mental health and recovery so, i have a lot of spare time as for the work i have to do from college is finishing a couple of assignments which ive already been granted extensions for as i am also struggling with depression so doing my work is quite difficult for me.

i guess my point is, what do other people do with their spare time? i dont have much to keep me busy as i would usually waste so much time to this disorder, its autopilot for me to go to food related content and stuff :-( im going to try get back into anime, but i guess i want some other things which are engaging! this ed and depression has stripped a lot away from me, but i am fighting to get my life back even if this disorder is trying to reel me back in every day is a challenge towards recovery. i was planning on doing a colouring book with music playing, playing games on my phone, as well as drawing and painting but does anyone have other ideas?? i wonder what other people do, preferably low effort or things i can do from bed as i dont have much motivation to really leave it 😭 i guess aside from that ive been slowly shifting from pro ed content and behaviours to recovery content, and the more i look at recovery content the more i actually find it easier to recover and aside from that i doomscroll A LOT on tiktok 💀 but i don’t want to overtly fixate on recovery content? if that makes sense? like i want an identity away from my ed and my ed thoughts, to just become me, and yes it’s harder to do that with depression though i am going to a therapist and doing what i can to recover from my ed :)

I’m so curious as I’ve been all in recovery for a while now. has anyone else experience skin soreness when / after honoring their mental hunger? My extreme mental hunger isn’t as constant and loud as it used to be two months ago but obviously still eating a good amount to get ahold of my fullness / hunger cues fully (trial and error lol)

I’m alright with it and the weight gain at this point but sometimes it gets so frustrating when places like my arms, legs, and thigh skin feel like I was punched all over!

Is there an explanation for this? I was wondering if it was water retention perhaps making my skin sore?

I am in recovery for a year now and still think a lot about food and whether i am full or not. I gained a lot of weight and eat at least 3500 calories per day (a lot more at the beginning of recovery). I feel like after the first two months of recovery my eh got a bit less, but since then it is the same and also my toughts are the same: i have kind of a hyperfixation on my stomach and always ask myself how full my stomach feels and whether i am hungry or not. Everywhere is written that those kind of thoughts are simply hunger. But my problem is that i don't have any desire to eat. I eat my meals and snacks of course, but i don't have more appetite to eat snacks inbetween the snacks. I started do drink oil two weeks ago, 100ml everyday, to make sure i get enough calories in. But my toughts are still the same! I am so desperate!! Do i need to drink even more oil for the thoughts to disappear? Or is it just a matter of time?