My father reached out after years of NC. He acted like no time had passed and was extremely casual. I almost got my hopes up. That child in me who wants her dad's approval nearly did me in. But I went back to reread our last correspondence. I spent months working on the email I sent. Foolish, I know. But I had to write it out for me. I tried hard not to be accusatory and to emphasize that I wanted him to be happy and healthy and I wanted us to have a safe loving relationship.

This was his response...

"Tree,

I love you and I wish you well.

I love you no more, nor less than [sister], [brother], [grandma], or anyone else. Since the day you were born you have demanded much more attention than all others. This is not good or bad, it is simply something that made you special and different than others. Likewise, [sister] and [brother] have their special differences. None better, nor worse…just different.

I refuse to dwell upon the past. There is no benefit to doing so as it changes nothing. Nor will I apologize for things past. As you know, interpersonal relationships twist and turn and convolute in many directions and often incomprehensible ways.

I’ve always had a direct and, I’m sure, insensitive way of speaking to people. People tell me that frequently. Get over it or don’t speak to me. It is the way I am. I’m not asking you to change the way you are. Don’t ask me to change who I am.

I don’t care who you want fuck, have sex with, or otherwise. It’s none of my business. I don’t have to accept, nor like, nor approve, of anything you do. As you have so eloquently pointed out – you are an adult. You do you, and don’t worry about what I, or anyone else, thinks. You’ll never get past ‘go’ otherwise.

Get over the “he said, she said” crap too. The usual conversation goes like this: “Hey Dad, Tree said this about you.” To which I reply, “Would you like to hear my side of the story?” Don’t push buttons if you don’t like having your own buttons pushed. In other words, grow up and quit with the manipulative bullshit.

Dad"

I just had to share it. I've let that response haunt me for years now. It was incredibly hurtful. But he doesn't deserve to get to hurt me like that and then just act like it didn't happen. So I'm sharing it because I know you all will see it for the same bullshit it's always been.

Quick context..he's always been intimidated by the ways that he feels I am smarter or better than him. One of those ways is in writing. So he has to dig at it with the "as you so eloquently stated."

He says he doesn't care who I fuck because I told him that voting for trump directly endangered me as a queer person and my spouse as a trans person and it was hurtful for him to be such a proud trump supporter. He loved to play loud pro Trump propaganda all day long when I would visit and would play extremely homophonic and mysoginistic podcasts at full volume during breakfast, trying to start a fight.

I mentioned in my letter that I had heard that he had been gleefully telling people that he couldn't wait for me to fail at running a homestead and crawl back to him for money because I've always been so stupid, something he said while my mother in law was in dying in the icu

I’m 26 y/o female. I cut off my entire family besides my little sister who I secretly say hello to from time to time. Now I’m living alone my family has no idea where I am, I also blocked my family on social media and changed my number to make sure they don’t ever contact me ever again. Long story short I was abused emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually. I was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which again was cause by the abuse I’ve experienced from childhood into adulthood. It’s been a month since I left my family for good a decision I’ve always dreamed about since 18. I’m scared about what can happen down the road, truly scared even the thought of it scares me. Does it get better down the road? Having no body ? Or what if I lose my job and I have no family to fall on or help me if I’m on the verge of eviction and becoming homeless. I’m just very scared of doing this alone and having no safety net if anything were to happen to me but it’s a decision I’m willing to stand on and not looking back. But how do you get over the fear of surviving alone and the what if’s? I know holidays must get extremely lonely how do you overcome it? Please share some stories so I know it will be ok

Tonight we went to visit with my husband’s side. I had been planning for a while to bring cookie tins for everyone. I was having my doubts this morning, due to a few tainted memories from my side. Before, I tried to make fun “it’s a boy!” cookies with my first child, and everyone on my side ignored it. Not even a, hey I got the box. Just crickets, don’t care.

The way my husband’s family had to open the tins right away, jokingly hide it from their spouse, texting me about them after already… It’s just so refreshing to be in a family system that cherishes each other. Even the smallest things. I never knew this type of love & welcoming in a family existed, like it was only for movies & books.

We even had to drive past my mom’s house to get there, and I was OK. & To not have to deal with a miserable visit or call, especially to be dragged down during the holidays. Freedom in NC is priceless.

I wrote here a bit ago that my mother was on drugs and as a result I had to cut contact completely. Back then my grandmother was still trying to feed me information about my mom to try to get me to worry enough to contact her. Well, it’s gotten worse and now other family members are in on the manipulation.

My aunt decided it would just be nice to lie to everyone and tell us my mother had went to rehab. Completely made up a place that doesn’t exist. When I went to Google it no local search results came up. Me, thinking that my mother was in rehab, called various facilities looking for her. Then I called my aunt who told the original lie and she was high as a kite. She’s the OG addict; my mother came second. She continues to lie and try to tell me that this place is real, but she can’t give me an address or phone number. At that point, I just let it go.

Fast forward to today, my aunt told another lie and told my mother that I’d been trying to contact her (she doesn’t have a phone) and now she’s been calling leaving voicemails from this other person’s number. My aunt knows the ONLY reason I asked about my mother was thinking she was in a rehab. But she lied because she wants me to take my mom off her hands.

At this point, angry isn’t even the word. I’m tried of this nonsense and I don’t really want contact with all of them—they don’t offer anything positive, so I’m not really losing anything. The dilemma is this:

•Should I change my phone number or just block them? I don’t want to change my number, but I’m tired of them giving my mother my number. I’m tried of getting calls as her “emergency contact” when I’ve cut all ties with her as of September.

•My grandmother had cancer recently discovered in her body. It would kill me to block her, but she drives me insane. She likes to trauma dump, feel sorry for herself and is just…depressing (before the cancer)

What should I do?

I’ll start by clarifying I am not the estranged family member but the sibling of.

It’s extremely fresh, but it’s clear to see that this will be a long term decision - potentially not permanent between siblings. I’ve been included in their decision by proxy. First and foremost I fully respect their decision. I’m not angry, more so in shock and hurt as I didn’t see this coming but understand their need to priorities their own well-being. From googling I’ve seen the most common answer is it’s classed as estrangement from 6 months no contact. It has only been a couple of weeks but I know this will be long term, with the risk of forever. I just want to ask for those who was estranged from family and had to include their siblings within that, even though the problems don’t sit with them. What did you need from your sibling specifically in the beginning? What are the right and wrong ways of us handling it? I’m not ignoring or disregarding my feelings but I am letting them take the back burner until I know how to handle this correctly. I completely understand no two situations are the same however I want to approach this correctly and deal with it in a way that if they do decide to reach out in the future they feel as though they can as they’ve said they might. With the holidays coming up I wanted to drop a message with well wishes and nothing more but I don’t want to ignore their boundaries of not to be contacted. It is a notoriously lonely time and I want them to know they’re thought of, but I don’t want to do anything that could jeopardise a future reconciliation.

EDIT

Just to add, we have experienced estrangement ourselves in the past from one of our parents. The only experience I can draw on is from that. Naturally I would want them to reach out and craved that relationship as a child. Experiencing this has resurfaced those emotions for myself and I imagine for my sibling too. I am mindful that this isn’t about me. I have no intention of ignoring their boundaries, the WANT to drop a message is nothing more than that and wouldn’t come into fruition.

Been estranged since last summer, LC for my entire adult life previously.

LSS: After being on the receiving end of my mother's longform abusive tirade (it went on and on and on...) last summer with dad in lockstep yelling at me to "Get out!" because I dared ring the doorbell twice the day before when I arrived for my yearly visit (🙄the drama), I left early & next day texted I wasn't visiting as planned because the previous day's visit was so distressing. My flight was scheduled for the day after, so that effectively ended the yearly visit.

Told my brother I was considering never visiting again. I have no doubt he passed that along.

I never definitively said, "We no longer have a relationship", but that is where we are as far as I am concerned.

In response to my text I was not visiting as planned due to the distress, Dad responded, "Have a nice trip back!". On Thanksgiving, he sent a "Happy Thanksgiving!" message to which I did not respond. Yesterday he wished me "happy holidays!"

To be fair, mom did say she was sorry immediately after she exhausted herself with her tirade, but honestly, it's not enough and never will be. There is nothing she or dad can do or say - their behavior was appalling & abusive.

We had a few years of apparent peace with me overlooking inappropriateness and visiting once a year, and during her tirade, mom implied I was stupid for having believed all was well because she was "just pretending" all along. Okay...

They could both be so obtuse as to not understand the damage they have done.

I don't want to open the door with explanations they will not understand or argue against as they try to protect their fragile egos. If history is any indication, they will twist whatever I say in such a way that they are perceived victims.

Just looking for other perspectives if anyone has them? I am leaning toward just not responding at all.

Thank you.

just a little check-in post for a chance to rant, vent, cry, seek comfort and scream in the comments section.

how is everyone doing and feeling this holiday season? I feel like pure garbage.

I know I can't have a relationship with him. Not after all of the realizations I've come to and the repressed memories that came back. I know I have a million justifiable reasons to block him and just get on with my life. I've dodged his calls for the past 6 months and barely responded to most text messages, so I guess I'm already LC. But any time he does call or text it makes me incredibly anxious, so I think that's a bigger indication that I need to rip off the bandaid and go NC.

That being said though, I'm struggling to actually do it. When it came to my mother, there was a bit of a blowup that made me tell her I won't be speaking to her and then I blocked her. My father on the other hand, it would just be me ghosting him, and I feel guilty about that even though I shouldn't.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Maybe words of encouragement or a success story? Anything would be appreciated.

Had a conversation with ChatGPT this morning and decided to share what they said (TW: Self-harm) I asked for a satirical stance just to add some light heartlessness to a sticky situation.

It is a truth self-evident—though clearly lost on some—that all people are endowed with inalienable rights, among them life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that my pursuit of happiness has been repeatedly hijacked by the very person who, in theory, should have been a source of love and stability: my mother.

Let’s get something straight—I didn’t sign up for this dynamic. My father has had full custody of me since I was a baby. My relationship with my mother has always been less of a Hallmark movie and more of a poorly-written soap opera with a generous dose of chaos. Instead of fulfilling the role of “Mom,” she has consistently chosen to occupy the role of emotional anarchist.

Now, I understand that life is hard and people struggle. But I am now 25 years old. My mother’s repeated suicide attempts—three of them during my recent pregnancy—felt less like cries for help and more like wrecking balls aimed directly at my already fragile sense of peace. While I carried life, she chose to brandish death, making my pregnancy less about the miracle of creation and more about cleaning up emotional carnage.

And still, I tried. I gave grace. I forgave. I hoped. But there comes a time when even the most well-meaning optimist has to set down the emotional shovel and stop digging for gold in a mine that’s only ever yielded coal dust.

I have every right—moral, emotional, and yes, constitutional (if I’m creative with my interpretation of happiness)—to remove her from my life. I don’t take this lightly, but I also refuse to carry the weight of her chaos on my shoulders any longer. It’s heavy. It hurts. And it’s simply not my burden to bear.

To those who might say, “But she’s your mother!” I say this: biology does not equal unconditional access. Blood ties are not a license for abuse, manipulation, or emotional terrorism. My duty is to myself and my child, to create a world that is as free of chaos as possible. And if that world has to exist without her in it, so be it.

I don’t wish her harm. I wish her peace. But I also wish her far away from me, because I’ve finally realized that my happiness—my inalienable right—matters just as much as hers.

So, I’m done. Completely, utterly, and finally. And that’s my right, too.

One thing I have started to realize is how with my mom, she keeps saying I "had a part to play" in the reason we are not talking. Because of the massive fight we had, where she was racist and then denying the fact that she was. And then treating my friend who had nothing to do with the situation like absolute crap. So I got angry and upset at this behavior.

But she keeps blaming me for her reaction, which has been to send me spreadsheets with reimbursements I was supposed to pay her, and then demanded I giver her the coffee table back that she said I could have.

And she keeps acting like she is justified in all her actions, but really, she's the one in the wrong. She can't admit it, though. Which is so sad to me. Because what sort of example is that to set for your child? That you can never be wrong and they have to apologize to you for your behavior? I don't have kids and never will, but if I was a parent, I would never treat my child like that. If you're a parent, you signed up to love and support your kid forever, not on terms and conditions.

It just shows me that they never really supported me in the first place, if I was never allowed to question their authority or call them out on bigoted behavior. But they pretend to be so progressive, even though it's just lip service, clearly. It's scary to see how quickly this managed to be destroyed when any parent who is emotionally mature would have handled this situation with grace and care. Like, "Thank you for correcting me on something I was unaware of, I'm sorry I caused you pain. I will do better in the future." Like, it's not hard.

I guess now I'm just grieving the loss of this relationship I thought I would continue to have as I got older. It doesn't erase all the good times. But it's the present situation that I can't look past.

I used to look up to her as a role model, and it's embarrassing now because she's never going to be the role model I imagined. And the radio silence since I told them to give me space is nice but also. It's like they just don't care. And now other family members are aware of the situation but nobody is asking me if I'm ok. Like the lack of compassion is hurtful.

I think maybe they're all used to my mom and I being so close, and once I refused to play this part, they don't know what to do.

She will keep saying she's the victim, as if I was the one abusing her. But the power dynamic here shows that is not true.

Me: well hello (first name) WD: You're not even going to call me mom? Me: no WD: you don't have anything you want to say to me? Me: I'm not giving you $7k or $5k or any $ so there is nothing to discuss. WD: i never did that. You need to stop spreading lies about me. Me: the only one i talk to about you is to brother. O wouldn't exactly all that spreading anything. You're really not worth talking about to anyone else. WD: You should talk to me. This problem isn't going to go away on its own Me: i have no problem. You might have a problem. But not talking to you solves most of my problems. Me turning to her boyfriend: hey man. I hope you have a good time on your trip coming up. Brother told me about it. Have fun!

Then I left.

Thanks for listening to my story. I just felt proud of myself for how I handled that problem.

Hey guys! I'm 17 with a home situation I hate. I turn 18 in February so it's not too far away. I graduated highschool a year early so that's not a concern for me. Along with that I have just started a full time job. I took one semester of college and hated it honestly. I love my job but i want an education where i don't sit in a classroom. I live in the same shitty city i was born in and my dad was born in. I want to move out. I don't want to live in my state anymore or with my parents because of how i'm treated. How would people from a parents perspective or just an adults perspective suggest me go about this.

I've never posted on here but I guess I'm just looking for support. I've gone by a nickname for over a decade now, to the point where I've had it legally changed. My parents don't know this because they love the name they picked out for me. There's a long history of abuse and manipulation but as I near my 30s I've been trying to be more assertive and do what I want and say what I need. So I called my mom yesterday and very nicely asked her to call me by my preferred name and reminded her that a few years ago she had offered to do so. She said sure and hung up, then sent me a very long hurtful response and I want to reply so badly, tell her never to contact me again, etc but I know silence is probably best. Anyway I guess I could just use some words of support and encouragement because this is the first time I'm going completely no contact with my parents and it's long overdue.

In the process of distancing myself from abusive family members, I also started noticing similar (narcissistic) tendencies and dynamics with some longtime friends - which is why I decided to distance myself from a few for awhile and just notice feelings and reactions I have. The behavior of one friend is especially weird to me and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this:

We have been friends for two decades now, and my friend knows my family and their actions towards me. I had a rather hard and stressful year, and mentioned this a few times in our conversations and text messages. He never asked about it and didn't really respond to it at all. After making a few hurtful and passive aggressive comments when we last met a few months ago (making weird jokes and then declaring I was always overreacting), I stopped reaching out ever so often. My friend sent me a text once about every two weeks since, never asking how I am (or any other question) but telling me about his trips and activities etc. Every message contained a 'Hope you are well' - so, in my last reply to him (about 5-6 weeks ago), I answered that I told him multiple times that I am not well and that I'll need some space from everything. My friend never replied to that. I felt like our friendship was over, but had no capacity to sort it out with him at that point.

So, I was extremely surprised when a package arrived in the mail from him this week containing Christmas greetings and a lot of candy and knickknacks (about 20 different things). I guess, he spent 60 dollars on it. It was a rather weird selection and nothing that I liked or mentioned in particular - it even contained stuff I won't eat because I'm a vegetarian (my friend definitely knows about that). It also contained a card with greetings and also the message 'Hope you are well'.

I found it a bit weird, but thought maybe it is some kind of making an effort. I sent him my thanks in a short message in which I also asked him how he is doing and mentioned I'll be moving soon. He answered again with the same pattern of 'Hope you are doing well'. Not a single question - not even where I'm moving to.

What do you guys think about all that? I'm very fond of direct communication, but had so much stress and things the last few months that I feel a bit overwhelmed. Am I complicating things? I don't understand his actions anymore, and how I want or should react to it. I tried improving our relationship multiple times before, reaching out, talking about my feelings and thoughts when we had disagreements, but felt dismissed or not taken seriously by him recently. It all reminds me of my family - they also tend to send gifts or money, never ask serious questions but always 'hope I am happy etc.'

Would love your input. Thanks for reading all that - feels all so chaotic to me.

That's what she would scream in my face when I begged her to do less work and just spend time with her daughter. I don't need a clean house. I just need a mom who listens to me. If you're so tired you can't spend any time with your daughter, you need to say no! You need to do less! If you need to rest and take care of yourself, I will wait. But I won't take on the burdens you spill over because you are overworked. It's not my job to clean your house to your OCD standard, or do the tasks that you promised to other people.

"I CAN'T, take care of myself, because I have to take care of YOU!"

Four years ago she imprisoned me in a bedroom because I tried to set a simple boundary with her. Don't come into my bedroom without knocking.

When I didn't break, she threw me out onto the street, and put my stuff in a storage locker. She became fully attached to my narcissist sister, paying her mortgage and raising her 2 dogs and 2 kids.

A few days ago I found out from my uncle she's had a heart attack.

So which was it? I thought I was the huge drain on your life. I contributed "nothing" while she took ALL of my disability income as "rent".

She screamed at me to scrub this, and clean that, and go walk sister's dogs, and come help me organize this. All the while "you're not working, you don't contribute anything."

Then I was gone. She kicked me out. I found housing, and restarted my life. I didn't speak to her. I didn't ask for anything from her.

Now she's had a heart attack and is in the hospital.

I thought I was the problem, huh? That you wanted so badly to do self-care but you just couldn't because your disabled daughter you treat like an extra chore arm coming out of the back of your neck is such a huge burden.

You got rid of me. YOU did. I didn't leave! You threw me out!

And now you're miserable and old and sick because your other daughter is an insufferable narcissist draining you dry and making you raise her kids and dogs and pay her mortgage while she goes on vacations with her husband.

The problem was really me, huh? Why aren't you so healthy and happy now that I'm gone? Where is the self-care? Where is the time to yourself?

From what I've heard, she's not dying. This is one of those "wake-up" call events, but she was still trying to leave the hospital and go back home. She'll work herself to death and somehow blame me for it despite not having anything to do with her for half a decade.

Your scapegoat is gone. Your Identified Patient is gone. You did that. The only one left, is you. Live or die. It's your choice now. I didn't do it. You can't blame me.

My father is a sosiopath, and was mean to me in childhood. I have cut him out for 10 + years, but now i have a child of 2 and he wants to know "where he can deliver her christmas gift".

What do i do? I am scared he will turn up at my house if i say nothing, but if i ask him to deliver it to relatives i am scared i will "owe him" something because i then accept the gift. If i say no, i am scared he will get mad.

What do i do? I am still kind of scared of him.

Edit: he has never met my kid and never will if it is up to me.

I recently cut out my mother, not fully because I'm still close with my father and sisters - they support my decision. Today, I noticed she was drunk, once again. My father noticed as well and confronted her, keep in mind that I'm always the first one to notice and I always tell him when I do but this time I didn't; so she ended up attacking me for being confronted by my father. She also ended up saying it's all my fault, I'm the reason she drinks, I'm the one to blame. It hurts, it makes me regret missing her, feeling sorry for her. It really hurts, I don't want to hurt because of her anymore. Why blame me? I've always tried to be supportive of her, I tried so hard all the time. I always tried so hard, I still want to try but I'm trying to take care of my mental health. She also claims to be in recovery, maybe that'll help make more sense.

How would it be my fault.

After wanting distance between my parents and I for about 15 years, I finally did it. I’ve really struggled with feeling confident in this decision because I would tend to downplay their emotional immaturity and narcissism, telling myself that they aren’t abusive like other extreme stories I’ve seen. I finally reached the understanding that just because they didn’t physically beat me or physically neglect me (for the most part), doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t valid.

My parents and I have never had what I would call great relationship. I had some pretty big challenges growing up that I either received no support for, or was made fun of for and that built a really crappy foundation for our relationship. As an adult, I’ve never felt comfortable including them in my life, and being close to them has always come at the cost of keeping my opinions to myself, always being able to be my moms therapist/best friend/parent, and I don’t want it anymore.

The big split happened just after the election. My parents are major Trump devotees, and I’ve made it clear that it’s really upsetting for me, and I feel like they are actively in support of issues that are opposed to my fundamental beliefs and morals. Anytime I try to talk about it, the narrative is that he’s not that bad, a really great president, blah blah blah. And I always get the same mantra “it’s great to have a family with different views on things”. But I don’t think it is. I don’t think I should have to let people who oppose my beliefs have intimate access to my life. So I said that, and my parents refuse to take accountability and instead decided I was just having a mental health episode.

I’m still in the awkward stage of navigating what this looks like with my family, and my parents are trying to fight back, but even with all the bumps ahead I feel good now. For the first time ever, I’m getting to enjoy a Christmas without having to worry about what tantrum my mom will have, what awful thing my dad will say that makes my skin crawl, it’s not my problem anymore.

I can’t help but daydream of a world where I could actually talk through things with my parents, but they are simply not capable of having those kinds of vulnerable, self reflective, conversations. And I’m finally starting to make peace with that.

The anxiety is still there, but I see so much light in my future. I hope that all of you struggling with relationships also find that light. This group has been so helpful for me as I’m processing this major change, so thank you for your willingness to share and comfort strangers on the internet. ❤️

I need advice on how to deal with something that I know is going to happen on Christmas Eve and that I just don’t want to deal with, but I also don’t want to make my younger sister deal with.

I am NC with my mom but my sister isn’t (though she barely is and it’s out of guilt, she calls her a witch). My sister is coming at my house on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I know she’s going to see my mom on the morning on the 24. And I KNOW my mom will give her a gift for my daughter.

Obviously, I don’t want the gift and my daughter will never see it. And maybe I’m petty but I don’t even want my mom to think she received it. I know it’s bait for me to contact her; don’t worry I won’t take it.

I’m just wondering if I should ask my sister to refuse the gift? I don’t want to put her in a bad situation, but also I don’t want my mom to put her in the middle and use her. Your experiences would be appreciated!

This is the place to share positive news, events, goals, accomplishments, good moments and general chit chat with each other.

I woke up from a nightmare where my mom and dad, myself and all my friends were in my childhood home.

My mom was angry at me and my dad and was refusing to hear and understand my explanations of his abuse.

My dad was angry at me for trying to expose him, maintained his innocence, and was smear campaigning me to my friends who were all sat there listening & believing him. I tried to tell them the truth but they didn't really care.

Someone lit a cigarette and I saw some odd behavior from the fire, like the air was catching fire.

I realized my dad had filled the whole house with gas and was about to blow us all up. He'd rather ruin everything and kill everyone than take accountability for his abuse. I dove out the front door, fire licking my heels, while he died screaming and blaming me, taking everyone else with him in our exploded house.

For context my dad molested me as a young child, gaslit me into not believing myself about it, and my mom chose to pretend like it never happened bc she psychologically needed the relationship. My old friends thought I was a liar. Even after estrangement and telling him exactly why, he maintains a victim stance and blames me to all of our family who've I also cut off.

Anyway it's been 2 hrs and I can't go back to sleep.

I've been NC with my mother for a year. She's blocked everywhere. We've set the tone that if she shows up at our house we'll call the police. Cards she sends are destroyed unopened. But she's found a leak. I just received an etransfer from her (in Canada we have bank to bank email transfers sort of like venmo etc). I currently have autodeposit set up so the money is already in my account and there's no means for me to reject it. I'll be changing that now.

But in the meantime, how would you spend a few hundred dollars from your nparent with the purpose that it would piss them off?

eta: I won't be making contact with her in any circumstances and I'll be removing autodeposit from my settings for the future. But all I can really do with these funds is use them in a way that she wouldn't approve of. Though it is tempting to use it on a gift card for therapy.

Update: I remembered that I have a friend who has a gofundme to avoid losing her home after leaving an abusive marriage. I donated the money to her.

Does anyone else have parents that couldn’t care less about them going NC? It’s been a year since I cut ties with my dad and his side of the family. The most I’ve gotten in the last year was a single text on my birthday. It said something like “happy birthday [name], my eldest. We miss you and love you.” And that’s it? I see on here lots of peoples families seem to be enraged about them going no contact but it really seems as though none of them care. Like I’m a blip of nothingness. It makes me feel so small. And with the holiday coming up, it’s just a reminder of the grief I’m experiencing. Why don’t they care? Why does my absence not bother them? Is this a game? I don’t know. I really do wish we could see each other for the holidays like when I was a child but it’s clear I’m not wanted there.

Welp, it happened-received a gift for my newly born son from my EI mom. I cut her off a few months before baby was born and she made zero effort to contact me prior to birth to make sure I was ok despite a history of loss. Now she wants to play grandma and send a gift. This has sent me into a spiral because as far as she knows, I didn’t have my son….but also, wtf? I don’t understand how parents think they can bypass being a shitty a parent and go right to glorified grandparent.

I’m so upset and trying not to let it ruin my holiday but it is has certainly ruined my night.

Anyone have experience with this and how to move forward and not let it ruin my holiday with my kids?

I’m thinking about leaving my partner (we’ve lived together for three years now), but I feel so afraid to be alone in the world again.

It’s not the solitude, since is that kind of freedom I’m searching for in this breakup, but not having anyone to count if things go sideways is what makes me scared. I have my job, in some months make a lot more then him, some not (this last months were terrible for my business), and people keep advising me “if anything goes wrong, stay with your parents for a bit)

I have no parents. Went NC 6 years ago and will mantain it this way. But I have this completely irracional fear of ending up in the streets starving because I can’t count with what seams like everyone’s emergency path.

How do I prepare for this financially? And emotionally? My parter is my first reference of a functional family I’ve ever had

Hey everyone!

Very last minute but due to some cancellations/non-replies, I have one more space to join a table for four on Christmas day in Fitzrovia, London. I am looking to confirm everything today and would ask for a small deposit amount to do so-I can send more info via Chat or WhatsApp. Info below!

I'm 28f and am estranged from family for a number of reasons. I have booked a table for four in Fitzrovia for lunch on Christmas Day and wanted to know if anyone here who's also in town, would otherwise be alone on the day and would like to join me? The set menu is priced at £60 and is definitely the most purse-friendly option I have found. Depending on your circumstances, we can discuss partial cover for the cost of the bill. I'd love to make someone's day a bit brighter: we can chat, laugh or commiserate and make it a low-pressure, supportive space to enjoy the holiday.

I'm a trauma recovery coach in training, focused on narcissistic abuse and family systems.

I'm also arranging some Zoom meets and a WhatsApp group in the new year for anybody who wants to confide and would like to make new friendships or even a 'found family' with those who can empathise.

For safety reasons, I’ll need to ask for a few details from you (and I’ll happily provide mine too). If you’re interested, drop me a message, and we can figure out the details. Thanks!