It's just the drugs bro, don't worry

Okay so last night I took 70 GRAMS of mushrooms because, obviously, I’m built different. I prepared my set and setting: dim lighting, calming music, and a documentary about ancient aliens playing at full volume.

I was fully expecting to ascend to the 5th dimension, meet my higher self, and become the Ultimate Cosmic Being™, but instead, I ended up talking to some shaman entity who straight up told me to screw off. Like, bro?? You’re literally a mystical spiritual guide, that’s your one job.

At first, I thought it was a test, so I humbled myself and said, “Please, Great One, bestow upon me the knowledge of the universe.” And this dude just laughed, called me a “tryhard,” and vanished into a fractal of middle fingers.

Now I’m sitting here, still unenlightened, just a guy who ate 70 grams of fungus and got cyberbullied by an astral plane boomer. Do I go for 100 grams next time, or should I just accept that enlightenment is a scam?

never forget

also how much to shove up there to catch a nod ?

Hey, Reddit fam! Well, as the title says, I’ve gotten myself into quite the predicament. My girlfriend hosted a work get-together at our house this evening. I felt a bit on edge meeting her boss, so for good measure I took 180mg of Oxycodone and a measly 8mg of Clonazepam. Everything was going great, but then all of the sudden I hear, “is he okay?” and “he was in the middle of a sentence though” somewhere among the blurred crowd I was in. Turns out, I fell asleep mid conversation! Crazy, has anyone had this happen before? Would love to share more about my experience!

So I've been vaping for a while and have been exploring the possibility of being a trans woman, recently I quit and it's been going fine, but I low-key have been feeling worse emotionally over the past few days and have come to the sound conclusion (no stimulants = free totally clear thoughts unaffected by withdrawal which doesn't exist) that I'm not actually trans, and unrelatedly that everything is shit and I'm never going to amount to anything. I couldn't stand feeling like that so I took a nicotine pouch a bit ago and now I feel like I'm fine and also like I wanna be a girl. Why is this drug legal when it clearly fucks you up so bad that it changes your core identity to the point that it changes your world view and gender? Was my nicotine pouch laced with mushrooms or something?

redditors found out about weed and acid and used it as another way to feel superior to everyone else. Im not destroying my body bro im wholesome 100 expanding my mind for keanu reeves!!!

The worst part is acid doesnt even help them fix their annoying redditor archetype personality, it just makes them worse. Make tripping great again we need people tweaking in the woods again not losers posting how woke they are to people they never met online

That has to be it, right? It's eagle poop

Listen, I don’t know if it was the 450ug of acid, the eighth of shrooms, or the fact that I chased it with a nitrous balloon—but I have finally cracked the code.

Not the code, but like, the code. You know what I mean?

Reality isn’t real, but also it’s the most real.

Drugs aren’t drugs. We are the drug.

The DMT elves aren’t beings. They’re vibrations in the 11th dimension, and we’re the ones stuck in 3D, pretending our perception is the peak of sentience.

And don’t even get me started on water. Like, what even is that?

Things I Now Understand After Becoming a Chemical God:

•	Time is fake, except when you’re waiting for a dealer, in which case it’s painfully real.

•	Everything is sacred geometry, but that doesn’t explain why my car keys disappeared into the 5th dimension.

•	You don’t “take” psychedelics, psychedelics take you.

•	Life is an RPG, but I specced into the “broke psychonaut philosopher” build instead of “functional member of society.”

Side Effects of Enlightenment:

•	Nausea ego death

•	quantum perception

•	Paranoia understanding the government’s secret weather machine

•	Memory loss memory loss

•	A bad trip: No such thing, it was just “challenging”

Final Conclusion:

Reality is just a really bad ketamine hole that we’re all stuck in. I would elaborate further, but I just remembered I left a balloon in my car, so I must go.