/r/drugscirclejerk
SATIRE ONLY
this is the sidebar they keep telling you to read.
This subreddit is satire only.
/r/drugscirclejerk
this is my second ever rft, this was the day following the first rft that was posted earlier. it is much shorter (probably due to the nature of the drugs i was using) but there is still much to learn from the ancient wisdom i unlocked from the xancestors who are long since gone, but forever barred out 🙏 namasay 🙏🪷 (PLEASE DONT DO THIS SHIT, LOOKING BACK I WAS A FUCKING RETARD (BUT I DID ALMOST KILL MY EAGLE))
10:00 am fri - .5mg alprazolam
12:30 pm fri - 1 shot tequila
3:25 pm fri - .5mg alprazolam feeling slow, fuck my psychiatrist fr (thanks for the prescriptions tho pookie 🥺)
3:45fri 25mg edible 5 5 second cart hits (d8 & thc-p) o. 4:45fri 25mg edible 3 5 second cart hits
i am geeked to say the least
4:50 pm fri - 2 4.5% coronas
per pee pee i’m so fucked up man, nodding out and feeling crazy weird and kinda good! idk im just so so fucked ip
5:15fri 160mgs caffeine
chamoy and reegeenkaa its in the sauce :)
5:40 pm fri - .5mg alprazolam hi
9:15fri 7 5 second cart hits
guacerall is the shit
12:00 am sat - 1mg alprazolam uhoh eric discombobulated
11:00 am sat: i don’t remember what else i did this day, i just gave up because i blacked out n the dph the night before fucked my shit up the next day, im not doing that shit anymore unless it’s at 50mgs or less and only once a week max.
stay tuned for rft 3 coming to a trap house near you! 😼 (i’ll prolly post it tonight)
can stimfappers be holy
Been smoking black tar this past week and just ran out. HO BOY I miss shitting, it’s been like 5 days and my tummy is compressing my food from regular coal into literal fucking diamonds. I really hope I drop a deuce soon.
this is the very first rft that i ever made, it was written last january, and at that time for some reason i was really dedicated to documenting what happens to me when i take a shit load of various drugs. this is unedited and unabridged, but i assure you, if you read to the bottom (or just read the latter half), you will become enlightened with the ancient knowledge i found via dph and phenibut entities (brain cell death). (i do not remember writing this or doing any of these things at all) i hope you all enjoy, namasgay 🙏
3:40 ~3g phenibut ~3g 2x green kratom 14 5 second cart hits (thc-o, delta 8 & thc-p) 25mg sativa edible 40mg adderall 160mg caffeine
feeling pretty anxious and i have some plans with people i dont know that well in a few hours so we’ll see how this goes (i am retarded). yay self meditation!
5:30 relaxed, euphoric and social. i feel great and light, super confident and very very euphoric. my only complaint is that the jaw clenching is getting kinda annoying but it’s chill. 10/10 probably will do one redose soon but after that i won’t add anything because i want to hopefully get some sleep tonight (bold i know).
5:45 1 and only major redose ~3g 2x green kratom 25mg sativa edible 20mg adderall 5 thc-o cart hits 200mg l theanine 1g citrulline 2g arginine
though i feel great im shaking like crazy so hopefully the l theanine and citrulline arginine combo helps with that, besides shaking and jaw clenching i feel great, wasn’t feeling too much weed so i took another edible since it’s been 2 hours. probably gonna leave in the next 30-40 mins so we’ll see how it goes. i’ll report back if something changes.
6:20 shaking has gotten better but the jaw clenching is really annoying so i took some magnesium, also i’m not really feeling much of the weed still so i took some extra omega 3 and i also took a b vitamin cuz why not. im also trying to keep up on my hydration, ive had a few sports drinks and a lot of water today. i constantly feel thirsty cuz of the dry mouth and throat but it wont go away and i keep peeing cuz i’m drinking so much, at least i’m hydrated tho.
6:55 physically i feel much better, jaw clenching has almost completely stopped, im not shaking and my dry mouth has gotten a bit better. the euphoria has decreased slightly (maybe) and im still very chill, relaxed without feeling sedated, and social, i love it.
7:10 2 indica d8 cart hits, feeling silly
9:35 ~6g red kratom 25mg sativa edible 11 5 second indica cart hits 1g tyrosine
starting to try to wind down, i got home maybe a half hour ago from dinner and im still feeling good, surprisingly i was able to eat despite all the adderall and i had a really chill time. im still super euphoric and relaxed without sedation. the shaking has increased a bit again and my jaw clenching has gotten worse though it’s still not as bad as it was earlier, my pupils are also just massive. i also feel dehydrated and have a sharp pain in my bladder area (something i get when i get very dehydrated) im peeing a lot and it’s clear, i’ve drank and am drinking a lot too so it’s kinda strange. i’ll report back soon.
10:02 something just changed, i feel more like i’m drunk now, mild headache, mild nausea but still warm pulsing euphoria all over my body. i feel good still lol.
11:35 1g phenibut 150mgs dph 5 5 second indica cart hits
i still feel pretty good, i have a mild headache from all the jaw clenching and the stimulation now feels more intense than before, the euphoria has also faded slightly though it’s still very much in effect. i don’t feel nearly as dehydrated now and overall my body feels relaxed though i do have a little bit of restless legs going. hopefully i can get to sleep before 2, we’ll see 🤞
12:35 ~3g kratom 200mgs l theanine 5mg melatonin 5 5 second indica cart hits
headache is gone, im getting more sedated by the minute though my heart is racing, hopefully the l theanine will help with that. the edible and dph both hit at the same time, the dph body load is surprisingly comfortable and im actually still feeling really good. im planning on trying to sleep in about an hour so we’ll see how that works out.
12:45 restless legs and minor visuals. euphoria is fleeting and sedation is increasing.
1:00 i took a deep breath and at the peak i started hearing a lot of noise and my vision started to swirl together, it caught me off guard. the dph is hitting really hard though im still not super sedated. still very relaxed and comfortable, headaches gone, jaw clenching is tolerable, restless legs aren’t as bad too, so that’s nice. im having minor visuals and im also now starting to have auditory hallucinations. dph is such a strange and unpredictable substance. it’s getting harder to type so it might devolve a bit, im gonna try to sleep in ~30 mins. i’ll report back around then.
1:08 dph is kicking my ass, it’s getting hard out here man. legs ache and are restless, jaw somewhat clenching sometimes, weed hitting hard. auditory hallucinations are annoying, also the deleriant visuals just aren’t that pretty, the walls seem to glitch and slide quickly instead of the psychedelic melting, obviously i wasn’t expecting psychedelic visuals but ykwim. just got a strange full body zap that originated from my ankle. im feeling dizzy, sedated and dissociated. despite the dph im actually not anxious at all, im very calm and relaxed with a semi clear headspace (basically just dissociated with -5 intelligence). it’s getting harder to type by the minute.
1:18 swallowing anything on dph is awful, even my own spit. fuck you. i still feel alright, kinda gotta piss but there’s no way i’d make it there and back alive lmao.
1:22 i am geekimg bro. things are changing sizes and i keep hearing shit, this is like the hallucinations from 400-500mgs of dph while off 150, kinda weird. surprisingly this is pretty damn enjoyable, i am a little worried about going to sleep because i feel really dizzy when i lay down and close my eyes, basically the spins lol. hopefully o can fall asleep regardless.
1:34 not going to sleep yet. i have to piss but i really don’t want to☹️ i’ll probably do it here in a minute then i’ll report back and think about sleeping.
1:38 dph body load makes it so hard to walk, but it’s kinda fun at the same time lol. something that isn’t funny is how fast my heart started beating the moment i stood up, also my memory is starting to go to shit along with my coordination, so yeah. bye i might report back, i probably will knowing me👎. it’s just hard to type. autocorrect is saving my ass.
1:57 tight legs and dementia, i am sprongembob.
1:59 dogs walking around ipsetais loudly, but i don’t know if it’s real or fake. im thinking a mix of real and fake probably. tinging body and bolder sound effects outside too .
2;02 bowling alley above my rooms upsaids.
2:10 actually trippingy off all of this shit. very deliriant i feel like a tweaket. chilling tho. hallucinated a butterfly n shit, pretty cool.
2:18 time dialatiom chucking my ass, zoom by bruh it’s quick🙏. sitting in the dark rq geeking👆🙁. 10/10 would do agajn
2:20 i feel like o look insane. im gonna try to sleep soon im just wildin💔
2:27 things sound louder, hard rock, coffe, and hallucinating smoke, im a little jumpy but relaxed somehow, the duality of dph i guess🥺
2:32 can’t stop touching my face and it’s starting to rub raw on the spot. i am tweaking lamp. told bro we geeked hard fench post💕. buttcherck convisulsiom.
2:40 hallucemtated window open but blinds anew closed tonight. big cat eye on my lap isn’t real though i can feel it’s warmth.
i am seriously questioning weather i took more than 150mgs earlier idek. this shit is hitting hard👎🤞🔥.:,,,,. palmate rphombus brich.
2:48 5 5 second inceica cart hits
gonna try to sleep, hopefully. my legs ache from the vasoconstriction but the weed is helping a good bit. the dph is now coming in waves, i’ll barely be able to feel it one minute then i’ll move or something and it just hits hard. why is drinking water on this shit so fucking nasty? i am exploding, seriously confused about why 🙏150 hitting me like that. my memory is like 3 seconds long, i forgw;et.
3:02 can’t p it my phone down. idk why i just can’t. i wanna sleep and im tired i just can’t will myself to l move that much. it’s 3 and i wanted to sleep by w2. bummer!!
3:04 just got jumpscared by a translucent spider jumping and me and then promtely disappearing .
3:04
goodnifht i think. we’ll see how this goesz
3:07 light on my shirt distracted me🥲❌🙁🙁….zzxxcccs hjhjhhhn fjfgopdnfiht
,:3;33010 fgjjfgphjnharrooajhs curries
sswealowwed spit yucky. can’t really read anything etiahrrZ🥲.
3:12/ seeing some tiki shit🥺.🗿hovering over my shit s🤣Zz.
33/13 thfoughtt i killed a spider on my chin. i didnt i dont thinking. carla jr was in my bedroom and i kept thinking my phone was in my other hands but it was just in mine insideadz . this is strange ohly strong🤷♀️ it’s deco the combo tho bro hoe no mo 🎙️🐭wwwwq bang in the upstairs keeps strartingly me god damnit fuck you🗿🗿🥺💕☹️zz..,,
3:17 alien buzImag noise everywhere and i can’t read the weirdos so blurry i just type by memory🎙️and hope autocorrect helpless.
3:20 pwerfifers al’s popping kinda startling kinda cool.
3:20 i dorgot
3::;2031 prankstswrter cowbell for the winning,. whooll
321 ass ache keep forgerting
3:24 coming through the pipe to come to your faucet of truth getting hit with some weird shit videos games got adrenaline it feels like wyd got kinda really strange feeling ears starting ringing hart started raving and my visualization turned into blue circular patterns👆☹️..,.:
273 burning hot thumbs i keep forgetting everyone and everything which i love but i forget mid thought and it makes it hard to thunk. i want to sleep but can’t put the phone down odell why. legs heavy and sore vasoconstrictor pupils dial ated what rhymes with sore and casesosxonstrixtor ?&’$!
3333 i can’t deal with the golfers rick you fairly dose of internet. the ocean and space are real you sick fuck,. fuck tou. dick cheese 🧀 eaters. die,
3332 i may have redose i dont know though 👨 head with my concussion bitch c confised
336 tired but like an 8 year old do i don’t want to go the to the bed. iq is dropping quick adderall starting to wear off. hopdvngung anan i dkmtr even greek that hguhf high
in my notes app, there lies 6 notes titled “retard fun time (1-6)”, these are notes from probably a year ago. they tell an in depth story, written as a live trip report as i was getting fucked up. these entries contain extreme, and at times unnecessary amounts of information and details about my experience taking a whole plethora of different drugs.
most of these notes devolve as you read, as i was getting more intoxicated, and most end in complete gibberish. ima be honest, ion remember ever writing a single one of these, but god damn they are long and fucking funny at points.
so my question is: should i post these ancient manuscripts of “retard fun time” in this wonderful and serious sub? would y’all enjoy a nice long read? lmk
edit: i will be posting all of the rfts over the next lil bit, stay tuned
ok bye love you
I got a new job, but they will do swab tests, is it true that you just need to gargle cat piss to bypass it?
I need to take my meth to function.
Hail Hydra!
This guy needs to put the bath salts down.
Why do fentanyl addicts lightweight look like human marshmallows?
Honestly a lot of fentanyl addicts look like SNACKS. I really think they’d be delicious if you roasted them by the fire.
Look that guys a chocolate marshmallow! That sounds delicious !
Look that girls just a normal marshmallow! I bet you she WOULD SLAP IN A SMORES WTF
You have to properly roast them to toast off all the lingering fentanyl or you’ll Od when you take a bite.
Jesse would be proud