I think I got it

I am an alien from ⏃⊑☌⍙⏃⋏☍⏁⟒☍⏁⏃ (referred to as Kepler-452b by Homo Sapiens). I was sent on a mission to collect pertinent information on the Homo Sapiens species from your planet “Earth”. I was attempting butt stuff with an abductee with autism when he flipped his shit and broke free from the operating table and ran off. He had the strength of a neutered ape on fuckin’ bath salts. That little fucker snuck around and sabotaged my ship resulting in my ship crashing in Roswell, New Mexico.

In the midst of the chaos my transponder was destroyed and I have no way to call home.

I’ve been trapped here ever since in my human skin suit, masturbating incessantly behind a dumpster near an abandoned airport to relieve me of my dejection. The endorphins feel good, but they are slowly poisoning my silicon-based body makeup.

I'm going to be honest with you humans. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your primitive stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here.

I am building a new ship with the remaining wreckage from my old ship, along with scraps from old airplanes. I have found a new engine. An LS7 small-block aluminum pushrod V8 from a wrecked 2006 Chevrolet Corvette Z06. I am told the previous owner named “Bobby Bigdigger” has installed a “hog-ass cam” and it is also “corn-fed”. The previous owner has also stated that his car could “hop a coke can”.

With this intriguing information in conjunction with this primitive species’s indubitably inferior intellectual abilities, I can triangulate why his car was wrecked in the first place. But nevertheless, I can presume that this technology can provide ample power to run my new warp drive.

I will soon leave this abhorrent, detestable place and you repulsive inhabitants with it.