Idk where to post this, but here ya go

70m grandpa exhibiting signs of possible memory issue

(Small background) I (21f) lived w gpa for years worked in memory care, and was a pharmacy tech. Gpa has stated he doesn’t want to get help but I feel like he’s losing it more and more. I can’t get him to go to a gen doctor, I push for regular visits a lot and even offer help. He claims he doesn’t want to take anymore medications and that basically there’s nothing they can do for him. His mom (my great gma) died from old age and had dementia. I can’t force him???? Right? I feel like I’m at a loss in a way.

Hi not sure how to get stubborn male parent to get hearing tested. Feel like short term memory loss or similar is happening. Sometimes they don't get angry when I make suggestions but most of the time it's hard to bring up. I don't think they will get hearing tested until they are deaf. Even then it would be a struggle. Should I just take the view that it's their health to look after? Plus I am worried that the hearing issue makes the thinking issue worse. I'm a bit frightened of this and what the future holds.

Hi everyone. My dad was in hospital for a couple of weeks. Prior to this he could walk and fairly do stuff for himself but now he can no longer walk by himself, doesn’t move in bed and says very little and most times it’s hard to make sense of it. He’s back home and mainly family is taking care of him. He has his eyes closed most of the time even though he’s awake and I’ve noticed that he grimaces sometimes, as if he’s in pain but from what I understand, can’t or won’t say what’s wrong. He eats a few spoonfuls and drinks small amounts of liquid but isn’t feeding himself.

I’m trying not to be emotional and I’ve got my realistic rational hat on now, perhaps as a way to cope with all that is happening. From what I’ve described, is this consistent with the last stages of dementia? I’m hesitant to ask how much time we have with him but if you think this info would help, please let me know.

How can family help a loved one who isn’t vocal about where pain is but can tell from gestures that pain does exist? I should add that he sometimes spits out medication perhaps because he doesn’t swallow it and instead starts to chew it and it probably tastes bad.

As an aside, whenever I’m with him I try to talk about what’s happening in my life or talk about a nice memory I have of him but today I found myself choking up at one of the memories. Some people have said not to openly display these emotions. I guess I’m asking what you’ve found helpful and how also to pass the time. There is currently no tv in his room, would it be good to put one in and have it on for a short amount of time? I imagine it could be boring being in bed all day.

Sorry for the multiple long winded questions.

I am grateful that my father in law has finally been accepted to a memory care unit. Because he has declined so far, he is in the most secure area of the facility.

He is moving into a studio. The issue (concern) I have is that my father in law will be sharing a Jack and Jill bathroom with another resident with a similar level of dementia.

The Jack and Jill bathroom has one toilet and one sink and one shower. What happens if the other resident makes a mess or uses the bathroom when my father in law needs to? Or vice versa.

What about the security / access of each resident to the other resident’s room?

This can’t be a common setup. I think this Jack and Jill arrangement is probably for spouses who both have dementia and move into the facility together.

I would love advice on this. Maybe I am overly concerned? It just seems odd!

Today I was woke to a phone call from The nursing home my grandma was found unresponsive.it took me a min to process what they were saying.so I asked directly if she was dead they told me yes.i had a rush of emotions.i have been preparing for this day since New Year’s Day of 2022 when my grandma called me hallucinating about a “tall man and little lady” in her apartment.now matter how you prepare your never ready for that call.when I rush there to see her she looked peaceful like she was in a deep sleep.as I thanked her taking care of me when no one else wanted too.i told her hope i made her proud of the man she raised.i told her I’m sorry for all my short comings.i told her how much i’m going to miss wanting into her apartment and seeing her in the kitchen cooking . how much I’m going to miss her having to fuss for 20min straight about everything in the world before she would calm down have a smile and tell me let’s get lunch lol.her pain of not knowing how to trust her own mind is over.i don’t know if I’m numb or relieved or in shock still.but I’m going to miss her.to everyone dealing with a parent who has dementia i feel for you.take care everyone

Just when things were settling down and were going smoothly, I discovered that my father is now missing large gaps of time and having trouble determining dreams from reality. I should be thankful that he is happy, pleasant and totally unaware of what is happening. We officially got an Alzheimer's diagnosis last week(moderate to severe), so we will now be adjusting his care to meet his new needs. I am 100% for living in his reality. I still want him to have as much independence as possible. My goal is not to extend his life, but to keep him as happy and anxiety free as possible.... But as my the title of this post says, things are always changing.

I'll probably be making several posts like this in the upcoming days, a lot happened last week and I'm gradually processing it all. Writing it helps me sort my thoughts and feelings out. Hopefully my posts will let others who can relate know they are not alone on this path.

My husband (60M) passed away in January. He was diagnosed with Aphasia a few years ago but was still functional and independent. He had a fall March 2023, subsequent surgeries, and resulting delirium. I know now that people with compromised brain chemistries are impacted worse from anesthesia. I brought him home and tried to work full time, take care of the house, him, dog. I was exhausted. I ran out of FMLA, had to go back to work, October 2023. Hired home health aides for $350/day cash for the days I needed to be in office. New Year's Eve morning, he went into cardiac arrest from dysphagia/aspiratic pneumonia. I did my best to do CPR, luckily, the medical team arrived. We spent the next month in the hospital with our pup Katie but was too much for my guy. I don't know how to survive anymore

So, long story short, due to my own mental illnesses I'm on disability living with & taking care of my great-grandparents (86M & 85F) b/c both of them have dementia & I have no means of support for myself. Well, as the past few years have gone by, I've noticed behavior changes in them: extremely cheap, always cold, constantly irritable, extremely forgetful, doing or saying things that just don't make sense, etc. Well, I've tried to make efforts or suggestions to make life more comfortable for them, but within the past 2yrs alone, they've become more resistant to my offers of help (offering to drive, buy warmer clothing, etc.), to the point where I've resorted to just doing the bare minimum to make sure they're alive & in as reasonable of a condition of health as possible for their age + circumstances. I care about them & love them, but at some point it becomes taxing on my mental health to try & help them, only to face further resistance & abuse.

Can anyone else relate to what I'm saying?

At this point if feels worse to be honest because every day she is inconsolable as she learns that she won't be able to get out of the wheelchair she now requires and that she'll need to move in with her daughter once she gets out of the hospital.

Would it be better at this point to just lie and say she's just in the wheelchair for a bit? Her dementia took a drastic turn for the worst after she entered the hospital a month ago, from slowly losing memories to suddenly living in a 15 minute cycle before forgetting the last few years and learning that she's lost her independence and mobility. We are all struggling with how to communicate with her and handle this.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Advice would be very appreciated.

Hi all, looking for some tips on how to handled this disease. My dad(72), keeps making Phone calls to me(35), asking for me to get back home for dinner, or asking me to Come bring him his house Keys, because he thinks he has misplaced them, but he is living in a care him for the past 6 months.. And we are trying to sell his home.

I Just lost my mom ( she died suddenly and really unexpected 8 months ago) ... And this dementia thing with my dad is getting really hard really fast, I know i should not controdict him and try and go with the delusions. But it's getting harder and the delusions are getting bigger.

Is there anything I can do? Anything I can say that calms him down? And make him less angry when I have to tell him no, I wont Come and look for your Keys because it's past 11 pm and I need to work Tomorow...

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers two years ago, even if we knew something was wrong earlier it has progressed quite rapidly since then. She's not herself anymore and it kills me, i miss my old mom so much, this new person is still my mom and i love her very much but she's like a child mentally, she was always my rock i could lean on when times were tough but now i need to be her rock and it's hard.

We started cleaning out my parents house after my dad died last year and we had to move my mother to a home. Finding old photos and some of her notebooks she wrote in when life was hard on her just killed me. Me and my brother wasn't the easiest kids dealing with and my mother wrote down her struggle with us and how hard it was being a mother sometimes. The entries was far apart, several years so i really hope the time between the entries were happy times for her...

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder as a child and she wrote about how sad she was for me, seeing me getting these panic attacks, scared to death of everything and reading that i couldn't help to feel i wish i was a better child, a better son...

The hardest part for me is feeling sad about everything she missed out on, how she worked her whole life and then got sick and couldn't do anything with all the money she saved up or if i could have done more for her, been with her more, been better... I love her so much and i miss her so much, every day i get the urge to call her and just talk but then it hits me that i can't like before because and a little piece of me dies every time.

I still talk to her and see her often and she remembers me and she says she's happy and that she feels good so i really hope that is the case.

It just feels so unfair, she's the best mom in the world and she didn't deserve this...

My moms husband (my step father) got involved in a white collar crime and was charged with 8 years in prison in a different state (it will most likely be closer to 4-5 years). Since this happened three years ago she started developing major cognitive delays and disfunction. She can't remember many names or words, she has a difficult time spelling and writing, she will start talking about random and not relavent out of nowhere, extremely difficult time with tasks and task management (cannot use any aspect of a phone or computer anymore), and she has a difficult time comprehending conversations. She says she feels the words are in her head but they won't come out.

It has come to a point where I can barely have a functioning conversation with her. She told me she was driving the other day and forgot where she was and had to pull over. She has also been miserable - she complains about everything and she feels everything in this world is out to get her. She's turned into a completely different woman. Today she shared she's experiencing synesthesia where her feelings are associated with a color. She told me she places her dog in two dimensions in her mind (not exactly sure what this meant). This sounds like some type of hallucination?

She was tested by a neurologist and they diagnosed her with mild cognitive disorder. My father (who is a physician) and the rest of the friends and family feel it is Alzheimer's or aphasia. My mom claims it's because her husband left and she will get better once he is out. So far we have only seen her cognition and depression get worse in the last year and a half. There are some better days and some terrible days but it's mostly pretty bad. Does someone have any insight on what this could be?

My family is desperate to understand how this trauma could ignite dementia symptoms and if there is a possibility of her getting better or if we should plan for her to get worse quickly.

I subscribe to a bunch of subreddits specifically because they give me interesting small safe things to share with my dad. We can sit quietly together and then I can show him a really short funny video and then we move on and he doesn't have to remember it. Does anyone else do this and what kinda things do you curate?

Hi, I am not sure really what to write.

My mom was diagnosed with dementia by her primary care provider in February at 62. She scored very low on her memory test, but MRI/CT scan were normal (EEG had brain waves at a rate of 5). I realize dementia often does not show up on these tests, which is hard; I really wish there was something tangible and definitive.

My mom is mild-mannered and kind. I just moved her from Alabama to California to live in my one-bedroom apartment with my girlfriend. This is causing a lot of stress: my girlfriend is in the final months of finishing her PhD, and three years ago I had a traumatic foot injury. After multiple procedures, I am just not recovering. My girlfriend has taken the brunt of this and has had to take care of me throughout my surgeries and pain. I was an English teacher and I had to quit due to my inability to stand and walk for any real length of time. Even before my mom's diagnosis, my girlfriend and I were living with a lot of stress.

While I spend a lot of time with my mom during the day, my gf is the one who has to cook and clean and run errands. She also never met my mom pre-diagnosis, so my mom is a complete, child-like stranger to her, living in and taking up her space. The house is a place full of tension-- doors being slammed, things being thrown, yelling. I have no other family to help. I also can't take my mom out to exercise or enjoy the outdoors--and give my girlfriend an escape-- because I can't really walk.

My girlfriend and I had just moved to California in December to try a different form of physical therapy for my foot. We live in a busy city, which is hard on both of us. Everything is expensive, unfamiliar, and difficult.

I am most likely going to have to have a below knee amputation.. But the guilt of putting my mom in a facility-- when she is in many ways not a burden-- is hard. I feel like I have to choose my mom or my girlfriend. The reality is that I can't take care of my mom on my own; I can't even take care of myself right now. It is emotionally difficult because my mom has never understood the issues with my foot, and thus she has never been able to offer support of any kind.

It is so unfair to my girlfriend. I know this, but I also am really afraid of the guilt. I've felt guilt about my mom since I was a teenager. I finally thought I'd have some freedom for it because now she isn't really herself anymore. But it seems I am in store for more years of guilt with a new face.

A lot of my girlfriend's anger comes from the fact that my mom inexplicably didn't work throughout her life. She doesn't qualify for SSDI because she doesn't have a long enough work history. I grew up with just my mom--no siblings or dad to bounce things off of and share perspective-- so I can't tell exactly what was off. My childhood memories are extremely murky. I do remember thinking it was odd she didn't work, and I wasn't sure what she did all day. We lived off of child support from my dad who lived in another state and were quite poor. My dad also paid for me to attend a K-12 private school. The dissonance between the lives of my friends and my own life was evident and jarring. I had so much anger towards my mom, and I don't know where it came from. I was so embarrassed-- I was the poor kid with a single, overweight mom and a car that always broke down.

My mom has always wanted to live with me. That was her plan. I tried to move away as far as possible, even moving halfway across the world. I have always been the only *thing* in her life, which has caused an immense amount of pressure and guilt. She has always wanted me to be happy, but she wants that happiness to be shared with her. This has been a topic in my therapy sessions for years and years. I would say no to hanging out with friends because I felt like any joy I felt was a betrayal of my mom, especially because I was so mean to her starting at age 11. She was always kind to me, yet somehow, talking to her, my voice always became flat and lifeless. Then the frustration and anger would erupt.

For the past few years, she would call me and ask if she could live near me and my girlfriend. She was just waiting for my grandpa to pass away (she was taking care of him). At the time she had little savings. It is now all gone because it was used to help pay off the house's reverse mortgage (the house was in foreclosure).

This post is all over the place and disjointed; I am not sure which information is vital to give in order to paint an accurate picture. I've been trying to figure out an accurate depiction of my relationship with my mom for years. It has been an endless choreography of frustration, guilt, and some tenderness.

I just don't know what to do. I feel stuck inside my own body because of my foot, and now stuck with the weight of my mom. It is heartbreaking to see her sitting, looking out the window, all of her possessions in one bag. This is what her life has led up to. She never felt like anyone truly loved her--me, her parents-- and I wonder if it is true. It is sad and I feel responsible.

I took her keys away a couple of weeks ago. Her doctors both agree she shouldn’t be driving. The car is in her driveway which adds security (looks like someone is home) but maybe she is fixated on it now since she is obsessed with driving again. Should I move it away? Will that help?

Thanks

So Sunday is my normal day to get dad up and fed and ready for the day.

I got here right at noon (our agreed on time). I try hard to be consistent time wise for him.

He’s 95. He’s lying on the carpet next to his bed. He’s nearly nude and grabbing his right knee trying to stretch. No visible injuries or bleeding.

I am in a wheelchair-I can’t get him up.

He’s mumbling but won’t comply when I asked him to roll over and get up. I know he can do it-he’s just not willing.

I called his aide who stated I am to call her first. She’s on her way.

He is in an Independent Living Apartment.

My brothers insist we take care of him other than his aide who is here weekdays 4-9pm.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Want to go to an Alzheimer’s Association Caregiver Support Group but I can’t get the online registration to work and it’s required to register.

In a VERY bad place right now.

Next Sunday in the US is Mother's Day, and it's my second one after my mom's official diagnosis. I know I'm not alone here in feeling sad and ambivalent toward the whole day. My mom is still "here," but thinking back on the vibrant, active, thoughtful woman who'd love to go shopping and to the art museum and to lunch who now can only sit in a chair (with assistance) and can't follow a conversation makes me want to cry. People who don't know ask, "are you going to see your mom for Mother's Day? What are you doing?" I know that there is a lot of love and even joy in our relationship, but it's hard. For everyone else in the same boat, much love. I see you.

My inlaws have been dealing with my MIL dementia. Her husband has some slight cognitive issues and it never mattered before. But now he doesn’t understand that he has to be a helper for his wife if he wants to stay in their home. He has to make sure she takes her Rx EVERY DAY. He has to talk to her gently when she does not remember who he is. NOT call my wife and complain and make my wife talk to her and explain who he is. That does not work and he does not understand how bad off his wife is. Also he is very whiny and incredibly woe is me. That is not new behavior for him. Now though it is getting dangerous. My wife and her siblings have tried to help them when he has asked what to do and he says “no that won’t work”. So now they’re just waiting for a tragedy that will force their hands. Is there anything I can do to make sure my MIL does not suffer because of my FIL immaturity and fear.

A year ago my mom had a “stroke” with right side paralysis and then received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. She made a pretty good recovery, she was able to walk and use her right side after months of rehab. A few weeks ago she had an episode where she lost speech and described sharp pain in her head (not a typical headache). She went to hospital had the full work up, no stroke or seizure, they decided it was a migraine with aura (speech returned after 4 hours). But since then she’s like a different person. As if dementia progressed a bunch (or is it regressed) either way she’s way worse. We’ve gotten her home and she’s doing better but she will have moments some mornings where she is very absent minded. She says “something is wrong” and she looks like she’s in pain but can’t describe it. Her hands wont listen. Her right side acts up. It seems to occur if she’s had a busy day the day before (visitors, therapists, etc) and gets to bed after 8pm.

All that said. Does anyone relate to this experience? Has anyone not gotten a straight diagnosis from doctors, neurologists anyone? Is dementia sort of off and on like this? She will seems to “snap out of it” and she can remember all sorts of things from the past and from days before. Then in the morning she can’t remember her cats name, she confuses where she is even though she knows she’s in her room.

I guess this is both a rant and question. What a nightmare this disease is. Mother nature a real piece of work sometimes. Good luck to everyone battling this and all the people helping them.

Above Pic is screen capture from Tranquil App to show location of device and geofence around home location.

Quick summary: Tranquil tracker watch is an absolute game changer to help manage and mitigate father’s wandering and improve family engagement with him.

Background: My father is 89 and has had some degree of dementia for the past few years. He has never owned a cellphone, never wore a watch, nor embraced new technologies. So, implementing technological solutions to help manage his dementia is difficult. My mother, 90, is his primary caregiver and my eldest brother (63) lives with them. My Dad sleeps or lies down for about 16 hours a day, has no concept of time and fabricates stories to fill in gaps of logic or reason. He is in remarkably good physical health. He was a lumberjack for most of his life, so he really enjoys being outside and in the woods when the mood strikes him, which nowadays is not often. My mother bears a huge grudge against my father for unfulfilled promises over nearly 70 years of marriage, so she is very quick to correct him or get frustrated with him, so she experiences “compassion fatigue” pretty easily. I live about 400 miles away from them and help out as much as I can, but I have several other brothers and sisters in the area that regularly help out. My parents were fiercely independent, so coming to terms with needing help or being limited is shattering for my mother. Last week my father wandered off while nobody was home for about two hours. Exterior security cameras showed him walking down the driveway, which was the last information we had. My brother was at work and my mother left to go to the grocery store. She didn’t call to let anybody know she would be out, and she assumed my father would stay in bed or just hang out in the kitchen as he normally does. He was found about seven or eight hours later on the roadside by some firefighters and spent a couple of days in the hospital due to cold exposure. He attempted to escape a couple of times and threatened violence against the nurses, which is sadly his MO in the hospital. He is now back home in largely the same situation as before. Tempers flared and finally my mother came around to supporting some attempt at tracking my father with technology.

New Action. We attached three Apple AirTags to his clothing, and while helpful, they still are only so useful. My parents live in a rural area, so not a whole lot of opportunities for the AirTags to connect to something else, but they could potentially help and are comparatively cheap. We considered getting a Project Lifesaver tracker, but we were pretty confident my father would cut it off or hurt himself trying to remove it. We instead purchased a Tranquil Watch Tracker, and wow this thing is incredible. We presented it to him as a gift and put it on him. He will definitely forget what it really is and will try to take it off, but I think that he’ll get frustrated when he can’t remove it and forget about trying to take it off for a couple of minutes. I think we might put a “Do Not Remove” sticker on it if need be. I’m hopeful he’ll forget he is wearing it entirely before too long.

Watch overview: Analog watch face, battery lasts week between charges, cellular phone chip for tracking and communication, locking clasp to prevent removal, waterproof, and has a single button at the base of the watch face. The button calls one of a series of preprogrammed telephone numbers. After 60 seconds (adjustable) the watch will attempt to contact the next programmed number if nobody picks up, and will continue to do this cycle until someone answers. We have added 8 telephone numbers to the list, don’t know if there is a limit. Also, any of those preprogrammed numbers can call the watch at anytime and the watch wall automatically answer without him having to do anything. The microphone and speaker built into the watch allow us to talk directly to him. The Tranquil app on our phones allow us to see where the watch is on a gps map and will notify us of if he ever leaves a predetermined area. All of my siblings and I can now better help interact with my father and respond in the event he starts to wander. It is expensive (about $900 with a $45 monthly cellular service fee), but this thing is so worth it. I recommended this a year or two ago when my father’s dementia had started to worsen, but my mother refused. “He’d never wear it.” After one day, she sees the value in it and thinks it would be a good idea if she had one too to be able to call us with the watch in case of an emergency or for us to contact her because she is not great about carrying or using a cellphone.

Limiting factors to consider: Watch and service are expensive. Watch has to sit in charging cradle for about two hours once a week to fully charge. No WiFi or Bluetooth, and must be able to connect to cellular networks to work. I don’t believe you can choose a cellular carrier or add it to any existing family cellular plans.

Tranquil Tracker URL: https://feeltranquil.com/?gad_source=1

My wife has yet to receive a confirmed diagnosis, but her memory is deteriorating at a noticeable rate. She’s fully functional - no safety concerns, still able to drive (with satnav help), but she really struggles to remember appointments, tasks, conversations and recent events.

She has umpteen notebooks and pads that she writes notes on, but often forgets what she’s written, where, rendering them largely useless.

Does anyone know of an iPad app that could help here? What I’m thinking of is a combined diary and note app, that supports:

Voice dictation Tagging / categorising of entries Searching tags / categories Date / time timestamp of entries Creation of calendar events from entries Ability to link contacts to notes A tabbed interface (shopping / medical / etc)

All the apps I’ve looked at so far for dementia seem to be “brain training” type games. There seem to be very few (none?) to help with the practicalities of life.

I live with my grandparents who both have dementia (multi-generational household as my mother is their full-time carer). My Grandmother (85F) has Alzheimers and my Grandfather (85M) has Lewy Body Dementia associated with Parkinsons Disease. My Grandmother is more advanced than my Grandfather and no longer has legal capacity. My grandmother recently suffered a stroke and lost a lot of memory and functional ability earlier this year.

Unfortunately, our family dog died after a brief illness this morning. Our family is naturally very upset about this however she was 15 and she didn't suffer. When my mother told my grandmother this afternoon, she picked up her glass and said "cheers [dog's name], I'll see you soon".

My mum told me about this conversation and I'm curious whether acknowledging your own mortality lucidly is a sign that death may be near? My grandfather also said "I'm at the end of my life" to my mother in a private conversation. Is it common for people to say stuff like that when death is near or is it purely incidental? I really appreciate your help!

Heya folks. Looking for guidance as I am completely new here and everything happened so fast. My mother is 81 and lives with my 102 year old grandfather. Crazy, right? She has been taking care of him for years in their home. No issues. In Feb, he fell and in trying to help him up, she fell on top of him. In doing so, hurt her back. In March, she ended up seeing a neurosurgeon after going to her primary doc a few times for the back pain. Xray showed osteoporosis and damage to her spine from the fall. He wanted to do 2x Kyphoplasty (or something with that type of name). She had the first one in mid-March and told me they advised her it would take a few weeks for the pain to subside. She was put on Tramadol for the pain.

Seen her on Easter and all was normal but she was in pain. Ordered her and my grandfather dinner. By the 2nd week of April things started to get fishy: She seemed a bit loopy: telling us the same thing a few times during a convo (ie. the food was really good!). This culminated with her refusing the second back injection when it was her time to have it done. We suspected the pain med was making her loopy as did her primary so she stopped it. She agreed she thought it was making her a bit loopy.

All seemed to quiet down again until the 23rd: I got a call from police that my mom was found wandering the road with a note for a neighbor so an ambulance was called and she was taken to the ER. The ER discharged her later that day and said it was UTI. I understand that can make seniors very confused, etc.

This started my journey into home healthcare. I hired a stay a 24/7 aide for her and my grandfather for 3x days until the weekend so we could come visit and see what was going on. The entire time she was saying just bizzare things like call the phone company to have them come fix the thermostat, etc. NOTHING like my mom just the week before.

After not seeing improvement from the UTI after a few days, I took her back to the ER a week ago. This time they admitted her. The ER doctor said: no trace of a UTI at this point and she suspected the originally UTI reading was false. She also said her sodium levels were extremely low and that could potentially be causing the confusion. They had been low for an ENTIRE MONTH looking at her March/April blood work from doctor visits.

As of today the 5/5, shes still there but here is where Im confused and dementia comes into play:

*They did a CT scan and the imaging was normal.

*They did a MRI: no abonormaities. Mild damage to small blood vessels. (Doctors told me a) common with elderly b) common with high blood pressure and/or folks with diabetes which she has both of) Another doctor told me most MRIs with dementia patients see severe or greater damage to small blood vessels; not really mild like my mom's.

*Her confusion has lasted all week but she seems *less* confused the past day or two then earlier in the week.

*Doctor is telling me now this is probably dementia/vascular dementia.

None of this makes sense to me; NO ONE in our family on either side has ever been diagnosed with dementia or any cognitive issues. She was literally fine/normal the start of April and then suddenly, for the past 2-3 weeks, has been confused/saying some oddball stuff.

I did not think dementia worked that way but rather, progressed slowly over time. They said I may not have seen the signs however, no one in the family said anything was off. She was driving as recently as Feb before the fall, logging on her computer to pay bills, etc. How do you go from that to being confused like she is now?

Because her sodium is now more stable and because she is mostly understanding things, they may be discharging her soon. I cant get her in to see a neurologist until the end of this month. I also cant let her alone with my 102 grandfather as she is forgetting to take meds for example and still may say something off that doesnt make sense though convos are mostly normal.

I cant afford another 24/7 aide to be there. She has Medicare but almost certainly would qualify for Medicaid? I have no idea what to do. I go from breaking down wanting the mom back that was literally just there earlier last month, to being determined to help her through this.

Im getting so many mixed signals from the hospital doctors: It may truly not be dementia, she could have always had very mild dementia but the pain from the recent surgery and back issues just brought it out to the forefront, the low sodium for so long could be the cause of the confusion and having been in the hospital this past week, could be causing "sundowning" and/or delerium which could go away once shes back home and the sodium is normalized, etc.

I know the main thing right now is to get cognative testing which I cant do while shes in the hospital but the catch 22 is once she IS discharged, I have no idea what to do with her, how long I need to wait to get her tested, and what that would mean if they say afterwards that she does indeed have some form of dementia.

Looking for advice please :(

I had posted awhile back about my mom having a serious brain bleed shes been at the hospital for 19 days now. She was staying in a nursing home. She had a fall and they did not send her to the hospital. 5 days after that I got a calm call that she was “having an episode.” So I said I would be by to check on her when I got there she was unconscious and had been the entire day. They never called an ambulance and I had to have them do it once I saw her that way. Surgery was not an option from day one. She was on hospice and I pulled her off because she woke up very alert and talking to us. When I put her back on treatment she went back to not being awake much. After that I found her advanced directive that said do not prolong my life if to a reasonable degree of medical certainty my situation is hopeless. So they put her back on hospice. Prior to this her dementia had been getting worse and worse. When she woke up she was able to move both arms some. She could speak sometimes at a normal volume and sometimes just a whisper. She has not moved her legs at all on her own. I feel sick that shes on hospice, comfort only. Having a seriously hard time with all this. Anyone had a similar situation? She is able to swallow but probably not enough to get good nutrition.

What do they say to you??? What do you say to them???

Crazy isn't a nice word to use but hubby is sure making me feel that way. Since we took his mom in, we'll let's just say it's been something straight out of hell. I'm not an easy person to get upset. Although from my posts, it may not seem that way. I have the patience of a Saint I promise. And when I do say something, I am not yelling, not stern, not bitchy just trying to get him to see it from my point of view. Well while I was at work today and my step daughter was staying with her. She called me and said grandma couldn't get to the bathroom and stood up and said she has to pee RIGHT NOW! so step daughter grabbed a drinking cup and put under her to pee in. A drinkinnnng cup! So when I get home, he doesn't tell me about it. So I asked him if he threw that cup away cause omg we can't drink from it. I don't think even setting it on fire would kill the bacteria. So I'm trying to find the cup hoping no one washed it. We have several that color. But my response was. " Settle down, it's fine." I said I'm not riled up, I just want to make sure it's thrown away. He says oh it's just pee but yes we can toss it. I mean what if she hadn't told me. I don't think he would have. This is not a normal thing. Even when I've had a really hard day on my days with her all day, it's always the same. It's ok. Everything is fine. No. It's really really not ok. She's just fine. Not a danger to herself or others or anything. All is well! Happy happy family. Did I mention she's the one that cause us to divorce 30 years ago? We married at 17 yrs old. We are remarried now for the past 10 yrs but ... this is just so hard but i wont lose him again. Just needed to vent a little.

Hi all, still pretty new to reddit so not sure what I'm doing. Please forgive any mistakes.

So long story short my father and I suspect my mother is falling into dementia. She's 70 and had a head injury years ago that may have brought this on earlier than it otherwise would be. After the head injury she has had some mild memory issues but we've recently noticed it getting worse. Losing car keys even though she never drives, things going missing in the house entirely and just overall forgetfulness. Every time these things happen she gets noticeably agitated and even sometimes snappy. But her memory isn't the big problem, we can help and manage with that.

HERES THE BIG ISSUE: She's become paranoid. Convinced that people have been following her the past two years. That they know when she leaves the house alone so she'll only go out with my dad. Don't get me wrong, he's happy to go with her if it helps her anxiety and makes her feel safe. Her driving getting scary and she can be pretty stubborn so this is also easier than taking her keys. But these incidences are people being seen from one place to another and she says they just follow and watch her. That they want her to know they're there but they don't do anything. I won't get into all the stories but I will say they change over time and it goes from a group being after her to a single person and back. Recently she went to the police with a document listing all of this. No names, license plate numbers or anything concrete. It should also be noted there's completely irrelevant information added in too. The police said theres nothing they can do obviously. I feel awful for her, she completely believes people are after her. Talking about it she gets incredibly manic and upset. Today she Said she thinks her house is bugged.

My dad helps her as much as he can and we understand we can't deny her fears as they are very real to her. But we're afraid if she goes out alone she's going to have a paranoid incident and get confrontational with a stranger. If you try to rationalise with her she just comes up with a new story or reason to make it real and fit her narrative. It's quite scary.

But my mom's a stubborn person. We're not sure how to support her and keep her safe. My parents have multiple cars, my mom could easily decide to leave on an errand when my dad's out and get into an incident. Best case scenario she gets scared, worst case she gets combative and police are called. My dad's trying to get in contact with both my moms counselor and their shared doctor for support but I wanted to know if there's any other suggestions or information for dealing with this sort of thing. My mom's not declined enough to admit she has any problems and this paranoia is entirely real to her. How do we help?

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/dementia/comments/1cjv88i/former_neighbor_is_showing_signs_of_dementia/

I just want to say thanks to everyone who answered in my previous post. I really appreciate the support and feedback. I have an update that unfortunately I have to vent about again.

Neighbor had came scrambling to my parents house again this morning but she suddenly remembered about being unable to give the urine sample from yesterday and asked if she needed to visit Urgent Care again. We lied and ended up taking her to the ER and fortunately it didn't processes to her she was going to the hospital again so she went without any issues.

Unfortunately, after running several tests she came out clean for UTI so they couldn't admit her. We tried pleading that she needed to stay for at least a few days, both the physician assigned to her and the social worker who did an assessment there said there was nothing they could legally do since they determined she wasn't any harm to herself or others and she refused any aid or being sent to a assisted living facility. They both saw that she obviously had dementia given she was still hallucinating and they tried multiple times to see if she had any viruses or illness so that could find an excuse to admit her but nada. All they could do was have her visit her primary care physician and see a psychiatrist who can give the order but that would take weeks. Even when I asked if I called 911 or any other type of emergency service if she ever came to my parents' house unannounced again, they said if she's not physically ill or dangerous they can't admit her.

I think at that point I just had a breakdown. I vented to my mom I couldn't do this anymore and she finally accepted that I won't be coming over to deal with neighbor's visits anymore. She was really upset too because now she and my dad pretty much have no choice but do deal with my neighbor until god knows when. Her nephew has pretty much given up, he really doesn't want to deal with this anymore either but I can obviously tell he's trying to dump his aunt onto me and my family and I told him straight up this isn't our responsibility and he needs to take initiative. He's already planning on calling her doctor on Monday but that's basically the bare minimum. At this point he and my neighbor can't last more than 5 minutes without getting into a screaming match with each other and I fucking hate having to play referee between the two of them. Even my dad, who's normally laid back, was starting to lose his patience with both of them. Ironically, her nephew is probably the best relationship she has with her living family. Apparently when she was in the hospital back in December her brother (nephew's dad) tried discussing giving nephew power of attorney and she completely flipped her shit at him, so the brother basically wants nothing to do with her. He fully agrees that she needs to be put in a home but is keeping an arm's length away from everything.

I'm just defeated. I don't know what's going to happen in the meantime before she can actually get admitted somewhere.