Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these transsexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts fucking my titties.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this trans lady in the health-club locker room. Nothing sussy, just a couple of ladies talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The girl looked like a real woman's woman, too–big boobs, meaty thighs, thick ass. She didn't seem the least bit manly. At least not until she started fucking my titties, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to fuck my titties? Did I look queer to her? Was I wearing a pink feather tubetop without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Fuck my titties" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Transsexuals, Fuck My Titties."

I've got nothing against transsexuals. Let them be free to do their transsexual thing in peace, I say. But when they start fucking my titties, then I've got a real problem.

Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a cute, blond-haired woman in her early 30s. She seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, she's fucking my titties!

What is it with these trannies? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough transsexual titties out there for them to fuck without them having to target normal people like me?

Believe me, I have no interest in getting tittyfucked by some queer. But try telling that to the girl at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other trannies who've come on to me recently. All of them fucked my titties, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

I tell you, when a transsexual is fucking your titties, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was trans? And where did she get those fantastic shoes?

It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a woman passes me on the street, I'm afraid she's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to fuck my titties. I've even started to visualize these repulsive tittyfucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my husband–even some that haven't actually happened, like the milky, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks cheerleaders forward Barbara Pillows that I can't seem to stop thinking about.

Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be men trying to fuck my titties, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these transsexuals mistake me for a girl who wants her titties fucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop.

I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather tubetop with menacing metal spikes in the hopes that it would frighten those trannies off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were fucking my titties, but that failed, too. Even biting their cocks just before ejaculation seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes?

I swear, if these transsexuals don't take a hint and quit fucking my titties all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures–like maybe bitching and moaning with my annoying girly voice until they work their cocks all the way down my throat so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

I don't really care what you guys make of this. Laugh at me, I would like that. But I'm afraid of lesbians. I've had this stupid irrational fear for God knows how long that a lesbian will take my girlfriend. I spent so long trying to build up the courage to say how i felt, I tried so hard to be the best I can possibly be. But now I'm afraid I'm just not good enough. I hope this doesn't sound edgy, but I really need someone to talk to right now. I'm scared man. What kind of man even am I if this is what I'm afraid of? What kind of Christian am I if I'm afraid of this? Thanks for reading, please don't call me a homophobe, it's not like that, I swear.

GUYS DO NOT USE MM THAT HAS AROUND 30K PEOPLE IN THE SERVER, THOSE ARE ALL LIKELY BIG SCAMS.

I just recently got partially scammed by using this server called "Tokyo's MMS"

Even though the MM went through the trade, he asked for a FEE afterward.

50$!!!! HE WANTED 50$ FEE!

Because I don't have an account, I just said I don't have that kind of money.

The other guy paid him, and he got his stuff.

But when I said I couldn't, he banned me from the server and probably kept the stuff I was about to get.

Even though this MM was technically trustworthy. Most aren't. Don't do trades unless you're confident they are worthy.

STAY SAFE TRADING AND DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AS ME!!

Hi reddit, a month ago my absolutely lovely daughter came out as a trans girl, my husband and I love her and want to let her know that we accept her absolutely.

16 years ago we threw a gender reveal party where we set a forest on blue fire, we killed 15 and there were 30 people seriously injured, it was great and we had a lot of fun. So when she told us she's a girl we thought we'd make a big announcement and we threw a second gender reveal party, this time with pink fire.

The problem is, this time around there were only 5 deaths and 15 injuered, I wanted to make it bigger than the first one, as to "override" it, if that makes sense, but it was a total failiure and, even if she hasn't said anything, I know that she's acting distant.

I want to show her that I love her and completly accept it as my daughter, so reddit, what should I do? Should I put a pink bomb in a busy city? kill people with a pink machete? I need advice

I'd probably say that you look like fucking Queen Victoria shoved a fucking nettle up her fucking pussy, I don't know.

You stink of cum and shit and the cakes you make look like they've fallen out of some fucking sheep's fucking arsehole.

Better.

Dear Edith...you foxy arse old whore. You really are a tricksy old fucker... you belong in Hell, probably...and you're a sad stinky bitch as well.

ATTENTION

This is a message for all who have entered the NNN arena. The temptations are strong, but your will must be stronger! Remember, every moment counts, every distraction tests you. Stand tall, hold fast, and show the world you can conquer.

Stay vigilant, stay disciplined, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

Reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom sold my old bicycle I'd grown too tall for. Asked 100 for it, and this woman agreed to that. When she came over, she claimed to only have 50 on her. My mom reminded her that the agreed upon price was 100, but the woman insisted she didn't have that much with her.

An extra 50 suddenly appeared from the woman's pocket when my mom picked up the bicycle and moved to put it back into the shed while saying, "Guess not then." She left with the bicycle after paying the agreed upon price.

I remember my kid self was baffled at the woman's audacity. First time I saw someone trying to pull such a thing.

12 Days Of Christmas, About To Explode, Are You Proud Of Me Now, Ambush, Atomic Renegade, Another Date, As The Lights Go Out, Another Date Remastered, Atomic Renegade Remastered, As The Lights Go Out Rock Version, Anything You Can Do, Addict, Ascend From The Iris, Artistic Hallowing, Break My Mind, Build Our Machine, Broken, Boomer Vs Zoomer, Brothers In Arms, Build Our McQueen, Black, Black SSD, Blue, Blue SSD, Bendy Vs Mama Tattletail, BATIM Remix, Born Champion, Bad Kitty, Boom, Beyond The Walls, Building A Fort, Bloody Ether, Biobond, Brace For The Freight Train, Brace For The Freight Train Remix, Biotide, Beacon Of Hope, Bonds From The Grave, Build Our Machine Rock Version, Can't Hold Me Back, Children Of The Machine, Classic Kids Show Theme Song Medley, Close To Home, Castle That Never Dies, Corporate Pain, Collosal Carnage, Cup De Grace, Crank It Loud, Castle That Burns, Cold Man, Come To My Back Garden, DAGames Founder Pack 1, Discord Remix/Cover, DAGames Founder Pack 2, Dream On, Diamonds In The Rough, Don't Tattle On Me, Dear Humanity, Dimetrix, Draw The Line Reignite, Draw The Line, Draw The Line Ressurection, Die Die Die, Dawn Of The Dimetrix, Dear Brother, Descend Into Iris, Donadly Trump, F Explicit, Freaky Machine, Follow Greet Wait Repeat, Forget This, Forest Of The Beast, Fears, Flumpty's Jam, Gospel Of Dismay, Get Out, Goodbye, Goodbye, Game Over, Goliath's Throne, Going Away, Glitches All Around Me, Gold SSD, Green, Green SSD, Gone And Forgotten, Go The Distance Cover, Goliath's Throne Rethroned, Heart Of An Artist, Hail To The Jester Queen And King, Here Come The Ladies, Hands Of A Slayer, Happy Birthday Bendy, Havok Be Thy Game, Horizon, Hellbent, Horizon Zero, It's Time To Die, Instruments Of Cyanide, I'm On The Hunt, I'm The Purple Guy, It's Spreading, I Will Not Be Moved, It's Time To Die Remake, I'm The Purple Guy Remastered, I Just Took A Shit, I'll Make Them Whole, I Stay Determined, Into The Beyond, Imagination, I'm Calling, It's Our House Now Cover, I Am Me, I Am Whole Again, It's Up To You Cover, I Am The Animal, I'll Find My Way, Join The Bloodline, Know Your Place, Kings And Queens, Kakarot, Left Behind, Leave Me Behind, Left Behind Cover, Lost In The Dark, Layers Of Fear, Labyrinth, Lost Now Found, Looking For A Showdown, Last Faction Standing, Living Life Without The Cord, March Onward To Your Nightmare, Mad Man, Moving Up In The World, Memories Of The Damned, Mr Crooked, Mothohive, Meet Thy Maker, Mr Dirty Balls, Not Here All Night, Not Here All Night Remastered, Never Just One, Need More Souls, Never Ending Party, One By One, Open The Chest, Omen Child, Parasite, Peace Be Thy Game, Purple, Press Start To Begin Anthem, Press Start Together, Plague, Return To The Motherland, Roast Yourself Rap, Rip Them Up, Roblox Changed My Mind, Red, Retribution, Reaper Vs Sniper 76, SOS, Surveillance, Slay For Honor, Slave To The Factory Line, Slave To The Prince Of Bel Air, Summon The Wave, Sky High, Shot Down By The Mirror, Sound Of Silence Cover, Silver Lining, Star War, Stranger In The Basement, Slave To The Factory Line Remix, Silence The Anarchy, Surveillance, Spooky Blooky Wave, Super Smash Bros, Send From Above, Turn The Final Page, Trinity, The Streisand Effect, Trojan, Tears Of Hercules Cover, The Real Slim Shaggy, The Devil's Swing Cover, Tears Drop To The Ground, Time Of Your Life, Take My Breath Away, Too Dangerous, The Encrypt, The Path Of Genocide, Testify The Modern Eye, The Spirit Divine, Unfixable, United We Stand, United We Stand Remake, Ugly, Unlock The Heart, Until Dawn, Until Dawn Remake, Vox's Interlude, Vox's Interlude Remix, Vengeance, We Want Out, White, We Go Under, Wrath Of A Titan, With You, Waiting At The Airport, We Are Dead Inside, We Stand, Wizard Of Oz, Why Do We Hold, Why Do We Hold Ressurection, We Are The Garden Gnomes, You're Mine, You Will Believe Cover/Remix, You're Just Making Us Stronger, You're Better Off, You Raised Me Up Cover.

im just gonna admit it. golds are trash

I perceive my gold lobbiesas players of my same level just as y'all perceive those lobbies, as players o the same skill evel. . thus, in my thinkspace i simply can't perceive how people even only 5 divisions up say that gold is trah. y'all describing Gold like i describe Bronze lobbies but worse.

"people just run and gun"

"shoot"

"no one knows what their agent does"

"if you're stuck in gold learn the fundamentals of the game"

like I learnt the fundamentals of the game just to escape Iron 1 and grinded until silver 2 where I had to fkin watch Woohoojin immo vods to even learn stuff like how certain angles, even though in lower ranks it is not preferable to peek, higher ranks, when util is used correctly, can be executed.

maybe this game is not for me. i flunked my highschool finals for this shit and im not even in the top 40% . 1.5k invested and i'm ranked lower than those who played for only 300hours.

last act i spent about 119hours and i still didnt rank up.

to be fair i was rusty at the time and had to spend like 30 of those hours relearning what was lost but still.

the fact that an immortal 1 who invested less than a quarter of the time i spent trying to improve in this game, could demolish my rank like i can demolish an iron 1 braindead lobby,

Just as how easy it is for me to kill AFK enemies at their spawn, that's how easy it is for even an Immortal 1 can demolish even the best of lobbies in my rank.

Check him out, 100% legit this guy hedonus can h@ck almost any snap acc. No payment upfront.

He will show you a video how he login to the account you give him as proof before any payment is needed ! You can contact him on discord or telegram.

His discord: https://discord.gg/T4QdPzAP

His telegram: Hedonus

I ABSOLUTELY HATE NSFW DREAMS

Yesterday night I had a really weird nsfw dream , it was so weird , I was on a mountain and a guy from my college was pissing right in front of me like what??, I could see his dick through his zipper and HE ASKED ME TO JOIN?? 😭 and then I pulled my meat out and started pissing with HIM???? I SWEAR I DONT HAVE A PISS KINK, and soon more and more people started joining , I could identify them by faces , all of them from my college and we all kept peeing and literally made a puddle of piss on the mountain , and then everyone started walking in and fucking stared at our piss party and I woke up. Fucking hell , I have a habit of searching my dreams up and im not searching what this dream even means ? It is insane , do I need to pee before bed to avoid these dreams or do I have a piss kink , I'm concerned so much by this dream

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas... And the Lord spake, saying, ''First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.

I got threatened at school for sending sex pics to my friend as a joke.

Basically. I wasn’t friends with this person anymore because he’s been very touchy and clingy. Then, he shared a private conversation between me and him to his snitching friend which is illegal without me knowing.

His friend walked up to me afterschool and threatened me. “If you don’t pay me $80, i will tell the principal that you sent an image of gay men having sex.”

And fuck, i did told the principal, and cried b ecause i was hopeless. All i wanted is them to not email my father and mother, or else they will yell at me. My mother cares about how my father views me and her and wants his money. My father thinks throwing money at us means a responsible parent. Both is separated because he cheated on her when she was pregnant.

Another principal knows i have schizophrenia and i self harm. I am 1 months clean. I think she views me as a weird person (fucking stigma.)

My chest hurts incredibly badly already. My eyes are swollen and head hurts. I have two exams tmr. I keep hearing the voices and it’s so annoying. My father is here and i hate him. I WISH HE COULD FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME AND LOVE ME.

I HATE THAT EX FRIEND HES SO FUCKING ANNOYING. WHY CANT YOU accept that IM NOT YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE?? BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKING TOUCHY!?

For fucks sake, this is the most common post on this sub, every day, every 3rd post is the same story, NO if your monitor is smashed or broken, no you CANT Fix it unless you have extensive knowledge in which case you wouldn't be posting

Return that thing, or replace it, no its not salvageable, and yes repairing it will cost probably more than a new one

Pin this already

I've been lying in a hammock all week and I've realised something fundamental. Boredom may not seem like much of a motivator but, believe me, boredom is a powerful life force, boredom makes people murder, rape, abuse, it causes insanity, it fuels revolutions, it inspires people to invent, create and discover everything, including art, blood sports, board games, plastic surgery, the internet, mobile phones, money, edible knickers, the stock market, God, pasta, drugs, soap operas, operas, vibrating condoms, books, double-entry billing systems, clothes for small dogs, small dogs without fur that bite people, children, marriage, fights, sex, blowjobs, homosexuality, priests, prostitutes and those small umbrellas for cocktails, perverts, those women who hate men, those men who hate women, lions, giraffes, Bob Geldof, nanotechnology, politicians, the God Particle, lies, secrets, and it makes the world go around and around as we all desperately search for some way of avoiding it, avoiding the hideous boredom of death, the black hole of boredom, searching for places to hide from its vast nothingness, from its eternal and awkwardly unanswerable questions. Boredom is evolution's spark and its fuel, and we all spend our lives desperately trying not to slow down and face the fear that holds in its centre one dull throbbing idea - That everything is completely pointless.

A couple months ago, I noticed that there were a set of strange shoeprints in the carrot patch in my garden. They had a noticeable heel in their imprint. "Why the hell would somebody wear business shoes in my garden?" I asked myself. This happened every day for two weeks. I'd find shoeprints in the garden, around my house, next to the shed, near the cellar entry. Always in the mud. Then it suddenly stopped.

Since then, I have installed a couple ring cameras around my house. I checked the footage every day for a month, nothing. I think that's when I stopped checking. At the time, I thought the cameras might've spooked them off. Until one day, when I was harvesting some cabbage, I found the same strange shoeprints next to the carrot patch.

I was so excited, I was finally going to see this elusive man once and for all. I ran around the house looking for my laptop, but when I found it, the battery was missing. I never take the battery out of my laptop, so I started to panic. My life was turning into a damn horror movie at this point, I was really concerned that this stranger must have broken into my house and stolen the battery from my laptop. Just when I was about to phone the police, I heard the strangest churning sound in my cellar.

I quickly went to the shed and grabbed the hatchet I used to cut firewood, as well as a flashlight. I put on my most brave face, Opened the cellar doors, then went down the staircase. Each step loudly creaking as a try and remain as quiet as possible. I click the flashlight on, and start peeking around a right corner.

I freeze as the figure shambles it's way out of the light of my flashlight. I can only catch a glimpse of it's garish, heavily jaundiced skin with red marks all over it. It spazzes all around the wet cellar, flinging what I can only hope to be mud everywhere it goes. I take a step onto the cellar floor, which is caked in what feels like mud. I lose my footing and slip onto my back. The flashlight hits the floor and rolls, it illuminates the face of the figure. We lock eyes, I can't believe it!

It's The Sonic Sega Gamer! What the fuck is he doing in my cellar!? Why is he only wearing a pair of business shoes!? OH GOD HE HAS ONE OF MY CARROTS IN HIS ASS! The folds, the folds. He looks like a partially deflated bean bag that's been lit on fire and covered in dog shit. He's covered in red rashes and zits, some of which are oozing puss. An absolutely wretched stench fills the air. It smells like fermented hair dipped in cat piss.

I ready my aim for the sickest tomahawk throw of the century. SSG starts to vomit blood all over the filthy cellar. He makes a beeline for me, I have never seen a fat guy run so fast. He really is like a tank from that one zombie game. I throw the hatchet and it beams him right between the eyes. Bullseye! He collapses to the ground and makes a wet plap sound on rebound.

Happy Halloween

Would you be able to move past the likes of Rule 34, P***hub, and Hentai?”

The young man replied, “Well, if my willpower wavers, they might give me a little trouble.”

“But would you fall?”

“Nah, I'd resist.”

As he approached the first of many temptations, they taunted, “Are you strong because you resist, or do you resist because you’re strong?”

At that moment, the temptations revealed their ultimate allure, drawing countless before him into indulgence. But this time, the young man held firm.

“Stand proud,” they whispered. “You’ve endured.”

“But when it comes to self-control, throughout desire and distraction, I alone am the victor.”

I hereby make a decree. I've wanted to do this for years. [TOPIC] IS OFFICIALLY BANNED ON THIS SERVER. In response to the Vatican pandering to young online trends by having a weird [TOPIC] mascot, I anticipate a huge wave of [TOPIC] used for larping and degeneracy. As Matt Walsh said, [TOPIC] simply feels evil and demonic even if you can't really explain why logically. Luckily I own this server so I can make rules based on my own personal instincts. Those who post [TOPIC] or refuse to change [TOPIC] pfps will be timed out. This isn't ban worthy but will still be somwhat enforced. I'm so glad John Calvin didn't approve of [TOPIC].

this is a legitimate issue, I wish I was joking. As per the title every time I jack off, I hear those familiar tones of buddy holly play out in my head. This has been happening for almost a month now, I never have the song stuck in my head when I'm not masturbating. Please help 😭

found this on r/weezer

Today, I took the meanest shit of my entire life.

I must say, this was not my first hardcore toilet rodeo, but I was wholly unprepared for the challenge that awaited me.

It started as usual - sitting on the throne, phone in hand, the statue of naked Poseidon to the side. He complements the bathroom’s decor quite well, and over time, I've gotten used to his presence. Though, I really should put a towel around his waist, the divine C&B do catch guests off guard sometimes.

Anyway, not even a minute in, a tingling sensation started to spread across my head, my hands, and my legs, and I quickly realized I was no longer alone. The literal Demon of Shit, destroyer of buttholes, overlord of the brown underworld, had possessed me - and now he was trying to claw his way out. I put my phone aside, arms on my knees - I was ready to face the tide, no matter how strong it was.

And then, I felt pain. It was as if the spirit of Muhammad Ali had entered my bathroom for a friendly chat, but somehow learned that I'm deeply Islamophobic and decided to beat the shit out of me. Sadly, he didn’t succeed at that, and the shit was still there.

This was no longer a natural process, it was a battle. A fight for my life. I was sweating. The white light of the bathroom began to feel blinding, like I was already in a hospital.

“Oh god, make it stop,” I prayed - the way only the most devoted atheists pray in their hour of need. But neither Poseidon nor any other god came to my aid.

In desperation, my memory dredged up an old TV program I’d watched ten years ago - a medical show featuring a crazy-looking lady with a wide collection of suits shaped like human body parts. She was talking about how to properly defecate. She claimed that, because of modern toilet design, we’re all doing it wrong, and at that moment, I wholeheartedly agreed, because something was clearly going very wrong.

This lady proposed that we adopt the methods used by gurus of shitting from lands with questionable street food. She suggested putting your knees higher by using some sort of structure to prop your feet up. I didn’t have anything nearby, and I couldn’t stand up, so I just lifted my knees, performing a weird fit of shitacrobatics.

It didn’t help.

This was the end. I surrendered and slumped forward, bending in half, betraying the ways of the gurus and saying goodbye to the wife and kids I never had - and never will. I closed my eyes and went limp.

But as suddenly as it comes, the storm calms - and so does the shitstorm. Silent acceptance and submission to nature’s forces were the true answers all along. In a moment, it was all over, the pain left me, among other things.

My hands are white. And I think that, even if I were black, my hands would still be white after all of this. My body feels heavy, and I send my deepest regards to the people who created autocomplete for smartphones, because otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to hit a single letter on the screen right now. I remember Steven Hawking had some influence on that technology because of his disability, so some of my thanks go to him as well.

This experience changed me. I don’t know how yet, but it certainly did. I still need some time to process it, and I imagine enlightenment of some sort will follow.

Bee Movie

By Jerry Seinfeld

NARRATOR:

(Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard)

According to all known laws

of aviation,

:

there is no way a bee

should be able to fly.

:

Its wings are too small to get

its fat little body off the ground.

:

The bee, of course, flies anyway

:

because bees don't care

what humans think is impossible.

BARRY BENSON:

(Barry is picking out a shirt)

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

:

Ooh, black and yellow!

Let's shake it up a little.

JANET BENSON:

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

BARRY:

Coming!

:

Hang on a second.

(Barry uses his antenna like a phone)

:

Hello?

ADAM FLAYMAN:

(Through phone)

- Barry?

BARRY:

- Adam?

ADAM:

- Can you believe this is happening?

BARRY:

- I can't. I'll pick you up.

(Barry flies down the stairs)

:

MARTIN BENSON:

Looking sharp.

JANET:

Use the stairs. Your father

paid good money for those.

BARRY:

Sorry. I'm excited.

MARTIN:

Here's the graduate.

We're very proud of you, son.

:

A perfect report card, all B's.

JANET:

Very proud.

(Rubs Barry's hair)

BARRY=

Ma! I got a thing going here.

JANET:

- You got lint on your fuzz.

BARRY:

- Ow! That's me!

JANET:

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.

- Bye!

(Barry flies out the door)

JANET:

Barry, I told you,

stop flying in the house!

(Barry drives through the hive,and is waved at by Adam who is reading a

newspaper)

BARRY==

- Hey, Adam.

ADAM:

- Hey, Barry.

(Adam gets in Barry's car)

:

- Is that fuzz gel?

BARRY:

- A little. Special day, graduation.

ADAM:

Never thought I'd make it.

(Barry pulls away from the house and continues driving)

BARRY:

Three days grade school,

three days high school...

ADAM:

Those were awkward.

BARRY:

Three days college. I'm glad I took

a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

ADAM==

You did come back different.

(Barry and Adam pass by Artie, who is jogging)

ARTIE:

- Hi, Barry!

BARRY:

- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

ADAM:

- Hear about Frankie?

BARRY:

- Yeah.

ADAM==

- You going to the funeral?

BARRY:

- No, I'm not going to his funeral.

:

Everybody knows,

sting someone, you die.

:

Don't waste it on a squirrel.

Such a hothead.

ADAM:

I guess he could have

just gotten out of the way.

(The car does a barrel roll on the loop-shaped bridge and lands on the

highway)

:

I love this incorporating

an amusement park into our regular day.

BARRY:

I guess that's why they say we don't need vacations.

(Barry parallel parks the car and together they fly over the graduating

students)

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...

under the circumstances.

(Barry and Adam sit down and put on their hats)

:

- Well, Adam, today we are men.

ADAM:

- We are!

BARRY=

- Bee-men.

=ADAM=

- Amen!

BARRY AND ADAM:

Hallelujah!

(Barry and Adam both have a happy spasm)

ANNOUNCER:

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

:

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

DEAN BUZZWELL:

Welcome, New Hive Oity

graduating class of...

:

...9:

:

That concludes our ceremonies.

:

And begins your career

at Honex Industries!

ADAM:

Will we pick our job today?

(Adam and Barry get into a tour bus)

BARRY=

I heard it's just orientation.

(Tour buses rise out of the ground and the students are automatically

loaded into the buses)

TOUR GUIDE:

Heads up! Here we go.

ANNOUNCER:

Keep your hands and antennas

inside the tram at all times.

BARRY:

- Wonder what it'll be like?

ADAM:

- A little scary.

TOUR GUIDE==

Welcome to Honex,

a division of Honesco

:

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

Barry:

This is it!

BARRY AND ADAM:

Wow.

BARRY:

Wow.

(The bus drives down a road an on either side are the Bee's massive

complicated Honey-making machines)

TOUR GUIDE:

We know that you, as a bee,

have worked your whole life

:

to get to the point where you

can work for your whole life.

:

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen

Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

:

Our top-secret formula

:

is automatically color-corrected,

scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

:

into this soothing sweet syrup

:

with its distinctive

golden glow you know as...

EVERYONE ON BUS:

Honey!

(The guide has been collecting honey into a bottle and she throws it into

the crowd on the bus and it is caught by a girl in the back)

ADAM:

- That girl was hot.

BARRY:

- She's my cousin!

ADAM==

- She is?

BARRY:

- Yes, we're all cousins.

ADAM:

- Right. You're right.

TOUR GUIDE:

- At Honex, we constantly strive

:

to improve every aspect

of bee existence.

:

These bees are stress-testing

a new helmet technology.

(The bus passes by a Bee wearing a helmet who is being smashed into the

ground with fly-swatters, newspapers and boots. He lifts a thumbs up but

you can hear him groan)

:

ADAM==

- What do you think he makes?

BARRY:

- Not enough.

TOUR GUIDE:

Here we have our latest advancement,

the Krelman.

(They pass by a turning wheel with Bees standing on pegs, who are each

wearing a finger-shaped hat)

Barry:

- Wow, What does that do?

TOUR GUIDE:

- Catches that little strand of honey

:

that hangs after you pour it.

Saves us millions.

ADAM:

(Intrigued)

Can anyone work on the Krelman?

TOUR GUIDE:

Of course. Most bee jobs are

small ones.

But bees know that every small job,

if it's done well, means a lot.

:

But choose carefully

:

because you'll stay in the job

you pick for the rest of your life.

(Everyone claps except for Barry)

BARRY:

The same job the rest of your life?

I didn't know that.

ADAM:

What's the difference?

TOUR GUIDE:

You'll be happy to know that bees,

as a species, haven't had one day off

:

in 27 million years.

BARRY:

(Upset)

So you'll just work us to death?

:

We'll sure try.

(Everyone on the bus laughs except Barry. Barry and Adam are walking back

home together)

ADAM:

Wow! That blew my mind!

BARRY:

"What's the difference?"

How can you say that?

:

One job forever?

That's an insane choice to have to make.

ADAM:

I'm relieved. Now we only have

to make one decision in life.

BARRY:

But, Adam, how could they

never have told us that?

ADAM:

Why would you question anything?

We're bees.

:

We're the most perfectly

functioning society on Earth.

BARRY:

You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here?

ADAM:

Like what? Give me one example.

(Barry and Adam stop walking and it is revealed to the audience that

hundreds of cars are speeding by and narrowly missing them in perfect

unison)

BARRY:

I don't know. But you know

what I'm talking about.

ANNOUNCER:

Please clear the gate.

Royal Nectar Force on approach.

BARRY:

Wait a second. Check it out.

(The Pollen jocks fly in, circle around and landing in line)

:

- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!

ADAM:

- Wow.

:

I've never seen them this close.

BARRY:

They know what it's like

outside the hive.

ADAM:

Yeah, but some don't come back.

GIRL BEES:

- Hey, Jocks!

- Hi, Jocks!

(The Pollen Jocks hook up their backpacks to machines that pump the nectar

to trucks, which drive away)

LOU LO DUVA:

You guys did great!

:

You're monsters!

You're sky freaks!

I love it!

(Punching the Pollen Jocks in joy)

I love it!

ADAM:

- I wonder where they were.

BARRY:

- I don't know.

:

Their day's not planned.

:

Outside the hive, flying who knows

where, doing who knows what.

:

You can't just decide to be a Pollen

Jock. You have to be bred for that.

ADAM==

Right.

(Barry and Adam are covered in some pollen that floated off of the Pollen

Jocks)

BARRY:

Look at that. That's more pollen

than you and I will see in a lifetime.

ADAM:

It's just a status symbol.

Bees make too much of it.

BARRY:

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it

and the ladies see you wearing it.

(Barry waves at 2 girls standing a little away from them)

ADAM==

Those ladies?

Aren't they our cousins too?

BARRY:

Distant. Distant.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

Look at these two.

POLLEN JOCK #2:

- Couple of Hive Harrys.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

- Let's have fun with them.

GIRL BEE #1:

It must be dangerous

being a Pollen Jock.

BARRY:

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me

against a mushroom!

:

He had a paw on my throat,

and with the other, he was slapping me!

(Slaps Adam with his hand to represent his scenario)

GIRL BEE #2:

- Oh, my!

BARRY:

- I never thought I'd knock him out.

GIRL BEE #1:

(Looking at Adam)

What were you doing during this?

ADAM:

Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities.

BARRY:

I can autograph that.

(The pollen jocks walk up to Barry and Adam, they pretend that Barry and

Adam really are pollen jocks.)

POLLEN JOCK #1:

A little gusty out there today,

wasn't it, comrades?

BARRY:

Yeah. Gusty.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

We're hitting a sunflower patch

six miles from here tomorrow.

BARRY:

- Six miles, huh?

ADAM:

- Barry!

POLLEN JOCK #2:

A puddle jump for us,

but maybe you're not up for it.

BARRY:

- Maybe I am.

ADAM:

- You are not!

POLLEN JOCK #1:

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

:

What do you think, buzzy-boy?

Are you bee enough?

BARRY:

I might be. It all depends

on what 0900 means.

(The scene cuts to Barry looking out on the hive-city from his balcony at

night)

MARTIN:

Hey, Honex!

BARRY:

Dad, you surprised me.

MARTIN:

You decide what you're interested in?

BARRY:

- Well, there's a lot of choices.

- But you only get one.

:

Do you ever get bored

doing the same job every day?

MARTIN:

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

:

You grab that stick, and you just

move it around, and you stir it around.

:

You get yourself into a rhythm.

It's a beautiful thing.

BARRY:

You know, Dad,

the more I think about it,

:

maybe the honey field

just isn't right for me.

MARTIN:

You were thinking of what,

making balloon animals?

:

That's a bad job

for a guy with a stinger.

:

Janet, your son's not sure

he wants to go into honey!

JANET:

- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.

BARRY:

- I'm not trying to be funny.

MARTIN:

You're not funny! You're going

into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

JANET:

- You're gonna be a stirrer?

BARRY:

- No one's listening to me!

MARTIN:

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

BARRY:

I could say anything right now.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

(Barry's parents don't listen to him and continue to ramble on)

MARTIN:

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

BARRY:

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.

Shave my antennae.

:

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get

a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

JANET:

I'm so proud.

(The scene cuts to Barry and Adam waiting in line to get a job)

ADAM:

- We're starting work today!

BARRY:

- Today's the day.

ADAM:

Come on! All the good jobs

will be gone.

BARRY:

Yeah, right.

JOB LISTER:

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,

stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

BEE IN FRONT OF LINE:

- Is it still available?

JOB LISTER:

- Hang on. Two left!

:

One of them's yours! Congratulations!

Step to the side.

ADAM:

- What'd you get?

BEE IN FRONT OF LINE:

- Picking crud out. Stellar!

(He walks away)

ADAM:

Wow!

JOB LISTER:

Couple of newbies?

ADAM:

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

JOB LISTER:

Make your choice.

(Adam and Barry look up at the job board. There are hundreds of constantly

changing panels that contain available or unavailable jobs. It looks very

confusing)

ADAM:

- You want to go first?

BARRY:

- No, you go.

ADAM:

Oh, my. What's available?

JOB LISTER:

Restroom attendant's open,

not for the reason you think.

ADAM:

- Any chance of getting the Krelman?

JOB LISTER:

- Sure, you're on.

(Puts the Krelman finger-hat on Adam's head)

(Suddenly the sign for Krelman closes out)

:

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

(Takes Adam's hat off)

Wax monkey's always open.

ADAM:

The Krelman opened up again.

:

What happened?

JOB LISTER:

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?

He's dead. Another dead one.

:

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

:

Dead from the neck up.

Dead from the neck down. That's life!

ADAM:

Oh, this is so hard!

(Barry remembers what the Pollen Jock offered him and he flies off)

Heating, cooling,

stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

:

humming, inspector number seven,

lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

:

mite wrangler. Barry, what

do you think I should... Barry?

(Adam turns around and sees Barry flying away)

:

Barry!

POLLEN JOCK:

All right, we've got the sunflower patch

in quadrant nine...

ADAM:

(Through phone)

What happened to you?

Where are you?

BARRY:

- I'm going out.

ADAM:

- Out? Out where?

BARRY:

- Out there.

ADAM:

- Oh, no!

BARRY:

I have to, before I go

to work for the rest of my life.

ADAM:

You're gonna die! You're crazy!

(Barry hangs up)

Hello?

POLLEN JOCK #2:

Another call coming in.

:

If anyone's feeling brave,

there's a Korean deli on 83rd

:

that gets their roses today.

BARRY:

Hey, guys.

POLLEN JOCK #1 ==

- Look at that.

POLLEN JOCK #2:

- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

LOU LO DUVA:

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

(Puts hand on Barry's shoulder)

LOU LO DUVA:

(To Barry) Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

BEE WITH CLIPBOARD:

(To Barry) Sign here, here. Just initial that.

:

- Thank you.

LOU LO DUVA:

- OK.

:

You got a rain advisory today,

:

and as you all know,

bees cannot fly in rain.

:

So be careful. As always,

watch your brooms,

:

hockey sticks, dogs,

birds, bears and bats.

:

Also, I got a couple of reports

of root beer being poured on us.

:

Murphy's in a home because of it,

babbling like a cicada!

BARRY:

- That's awful.

LOU LO DUVA:

(Still talking through megaphone)

- And a reminder for you rookies,

:

bee law number one,

absolutely no talking to humans!

:

All right, launch positions!

POLLEN JOCKS:

(The Pollen Jocks run into formation)

:

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,

buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

LOU LU DUVA:

Black and yellow!

POLLEN JOCKS:

Hello!

POLLEN JOCK #1:

(To Barry)You ready for this, hot shot?

BARRY:

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

POLLEN JOCK's:

Wind, check.

:

- Antennae, check.

- Nectar pack, check.

:

- Wings, check.

- Stinger, check.

BARRY:

Scared out of my shorts, check.

LOU LO DUVA:

OK, ladies,

:

let's move it out!

:

Pound those petunias,

you striped stem-suckers!

:

All of you, drain those flowers!

(The pollen jocks fly out of the hive)

BARRY:

Wow! I'm out!

:

I can't believe I'm out!

:

So blue.

:

I feel so fast and free!

:

Box kite!

(Barry flies through the kite)

:

Wow!

:

Flowers!

(A pollen jock puts on some high tech goggles that shows flowers similar to

heat sink goggles.)

POLLEN JOCK:

This is Blue Leader.

We have roses visual.

:

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

:

Roses!

POLLEN JOCK #1:

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

:

Stand to the side, kid.

It's got a bit of a kick.

(The pollen jock fires a high-tech gun at the flower, shooting tubes that

suck up the nectar from the flower and collects it into a pouch on the gun)

BARRY:

That is one nectar collector!

POLLEN JOCK #1==

- Ever see pollination up close?

BARRY:

- No, sir.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

(Barry and the Pollen jock fly over the field, the pollen jock sprinkles

pollen as he goes)

:

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it

over here. Maybe a dash over there,

:

a pinch on that one.

See that? It's a little bit of magic.

BARRY:

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

POLLEN JOCK #1:

That's pollen power. More pollen, more

flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

BARRY:

Cool.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.

could be daisies. Don't we need those?

POLLEN JOCK #2:

Copy that visual.

:

Wait. One of these flowers

seems to be on the move.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

Say again? You're reporting

a moving flower?

POLLEN JOCK #2:

Affirmative.

(The Pollen jocks land near the "flowers" which, to the audience are

obviously just tennis balls)

KEN:

(In the distance) That was on the line!

POLLEN JOCK #1:

This is the coolest. What is it?

POLLEN JOCK #2:

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

:

It smells good.

Not like a flower, but I like it.

POLLEN JOCK #1:

Yeah, fuzzy.

(Sticks his hand on the ball but it gets stuck)

POLLEN JOCK #3==

Chemical-y.

(The pollen jock finally gets his hand free from the tennis ball)

POLLEN JOCK #1:

Careful, guys. It's a little grabby.

(The pollen jocks turn around and see Barry lying his entire body on top of

one of the tennis balls)

POLLEN JOCK #2:

My sweet lord of bees!

POLLEN JOCK #3:

Candy-brain, get off there!

POLLEN JOCK #1:

(Pointing upwards)

Problem!

(A human hand reaches down and grabs the tennis ball that Barry is stuck

to)

BARRY:

- Guys!

POLLEN JOCK #2:

- This could be bad.

POLLEN JOCK #3:

Affirmative.

(Vanessa Bloome starts bouncing the tennis ball, not knowing Barry is stick

to it)

BARRY==

Very close.

:

Gonna hurt.

:

Mama's little boy.

(Barry is being hit back and forth by two humans playing tennis. He is

still stuck to the ball)

POLLEN JOCK #1:

You are way out of position, rookie!

KEN:

Coming in at you like a MISSILE!

(Barry flies past the pollen jocks, still stuck to the ball)

BARRY:

(In slow motion)

Help me!

POLLEN JOCK #2:

I don't think these are flowers.

POLLEN JOCK #3:

- Should we tell him?

POLLEN JOCK #1:

- I think he knows.

BARRY:

What is this?!

KEN:

Match point!

:

You can start packing up, honey,

because you're about to EAT IT!

(A pollen jock coughs which confused Ken and he hits the ball the wrong way

with Barry stuck to it and it goes flying into the city)

BARRY:

Yowser!

(Barry bounces around town and gets stuck in the engine of a car. He flies

into the air conditioner and sees a bug that was frozen in there)

BARRY:

Ew, gross.

(The man driving the car turns on the air conditioner which blows Barry

into the car)

GIRL IN CAR:

There's a bee in the car!

:

- Do something!

DAD DRIVING CAR:

- I'm driving!

BABY GIRL:

(Waving at Barry)

- Hi, bee.

(Barry smiles and waves at the baby girl)

GUY IN BACK OF CAR:

- He's back here!

:

He's going to sting me!

GIRL IN CAR:

Nobody move. If you don't move,

he won't sting you. Freeze!

(Barry freezes as well, hovering in the middle of the car)

:

GRANDMA IN CAR==

He blinked!

(The grandma whips out some bee-spray and sprays everywhere in the car,

climbing into the front seat, still trying to spray Barry)

GIRL IN CAR:

Spray him, Granny!

DAD DRIVING THE CAR:

What are you doing?!

(Barry escapes the car through the air conditioner and is flying high above

the ground, safe.)

BARRY:

Wow... the tension level

out here is unbelievable.

(Barry sees that storm clouds are gathering and he can see rain clouds

moving into this direction)

:

I gotta get home.

:

Can't fly in rain.

:

Can't fly in rain.

(A rain drop hits Barry and one of his wings is damaged)

:

Can't fly in rain.

(A second rain drop hits Barry again and he spirals downwards)

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

(WW2 plane sound effects are played as he plummets, and he crash-lands on a

plant inside an apartment near the window)

VANESSA BLOOME:

Ken, could you close

the window please?

KEN==

Hey, check out my new resume.

I made it into a fold-out brochure.

:

You see?

(Folds brochure resume out)

Folds out.

(Ken closes the window, trapping Barry inside)

BARRY:

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

(Barry tries to fly away but smashes into the window and falls again)

:

What was that?

(Barry keeps trying to fly out the window but he keeps being knocked back

because the window is closed)

Maybe this time. This time. This time.

This time! This time! This...

:

Drapes!

(Barry taps the glass. He doesn't understand what it is)

That is diabolical.

KEN:

It's fantastic. It's got all my special

skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

ANDY:

What's number one? Star Wars?

KEN:

Nah, I don't go for that...

(Ken makes finger guns and makes "pew pew pew" sounds and then stops)

:

...kind of stuff.

BARRY:

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.

They're out of their minds.

KEN:

When I leave a job interview, they're

flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

BARRY:

(Looking at the light on the ceiling)

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

(Starts flying towards the lightbulb)

:

I don't remember the sun

having a big 75 on it.

(Barry hits the lightbulb and falls into the dip on the table that the

humans are sitting at)

KEN:

I predicted global warming.

:

I could feel it getting hotter.

At first I thought it was just me.

(Andy dips a chip into the bowl and scoops up some dip with Barry on it and

is about to put it in his mouth)

:

Wait! Stop! Bee!

(Andy drops the chip with Barry in fear and backs away. All the humans

freak out)

:

Stand back. These are winter boots.

(Ken has winter boots on his hands and he is about to smash the bee but

Vanessa saves him last second)

VANESSA:

Wait!

:

Don't kill him!

(Vanessa puts Barry in a glass to protect him)

KEN:

You know I'm allergic to them!

This thing could kill me!

VANESSA:

Why does his life have

less value than yours?

KEN:

Why does his life have any less value

than mine? Is that your statement?

VANESSA:

I'm just saying all life has value. You

don't know what he's capable of feeling.

(Vanessa picks up Ken's brochure and puts it under the glass so she can

carry Barry back to the window. Barry looks at Vanessa in amazement)

KEN:

My brochure!

VANESSA:

There you go, little guy.

(Vanessa opens the window and lets Barry out but Barry stays back and is

still shocked that a human saved his life)

KEN:

I'm not scared of him.

It's an allergic thing.

VANESSA:

Put that on your resume brochure.

KEN:

My whole face could puff up.

ANDY:

Make it one of your special skills.

KEN:

Knocking someone out

is also a special skill.

(Ken walks to the door)

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

:

- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?

VANESSA:

- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

:

(Vanessa tries to close door)

KEN==

- You could put carob chips on there.

VANESSA:

- Bye.

(Closes door but Ken opens it again)

KEN:

- Supposed to be less calories.

VANESSA:

- Bye.

(Closes door)

(Fast forward to the next day, Barry is still inside the house. He flies

into the kitchen where Vanessa is doing dishes)

BARRY==

(Talking to himself)

I gotta say something.

:

She saved my life.

I gotta say something.

:

All right, here it goes.

(Turns back)

Nah.

:

What would I say?

:

I could really get in trouble.

:

It's a bee law.

You're not supposed to talk to a human.

:

I can't believe I'm doing this.

:

I've got to.

(Barry disguises himself as a character on a food can as Vanessa walks by

again)

:

Oh, I can't do it. Come on!

:

No. Yes. No.

:

Do it. I can't.

:

How should I start it?

(Barry strikes a pose and wiggles his eyebrows)

"You like jazz?"

No, that's no good.

(Vanessa is about to walk past Barry)

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

:

...Hi!

(Vanessa gasps and drops the dishes in fright and notices Barry on the

counter)

:

I'm sorry.

VANESSA:

- You're talking.

BARRY:

- Yes, I know.

VANESSA:

(Pointing at Barry)

You're talking!

BARRY:

I'm so sorry.

VANESSA:

No, it's OK. It's fine.

I know I'm dreaming.

:

But I don't recall going to bed.

BARRY:

Well, I'm sure this

is very disconcerting.

VANESSA:

This is a bit of a surprise to me.

I mean, you're a bee!

BARRY:

I am. And I'm not supposed

to be doing this,

(Pointing to the living room where Ken tried to kill him last night)

but they were all trying to kill me.

:

And if it wasn't for you...

:

I had to thank you.

It's just how I was raised.

(Vanessa stabs her hand with a fork to test whether she's dreaming or not)

:

That was a little weird.

VANESSA:

- I'm talking with a bee.

BARRY:

- Yeah.

VANESSA:

I'm talking to a bee.

And the bee is talking to me!

BARRY:

I just want to say I'm grateful.

I'll leave now.

(Barry turns to leave)

VANESSA:

- Wait! How did you learn to do that?

BARRY:

(Flying back)

- What?

VANESSA:

The talking...thing.

BARRY:

Same way you did, I guess.

"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

VANESSA:

- That's very funny.

BARRY:

- Yeah.

:

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,

we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

:

Anyway...

VANESSA:

Can I...

:

...get you something?

BARRY:

- Like what?

VANESSA:

I don't know. I mean...

I don't know. Coffee?

BARRY:

I don't want to put you out.

VANESSA:

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

:

- It's just coffee.

BARRY:

- I hate to impose.

(Vanessa starts making coffee)

VANESSA:

- Don't be ridiculous!

BARRY:

- Actually, I would love a cup.

VANESSA:

Hey, you want rum cake?

BARRY:

- I shouldn't.

VANESSA:

- Have some.

BARRY:

- No, I can't.

VANESSA:

- Come on!

BARRY:

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

VANESSA:

- Where?

BARRY:

- These stripes don't help.

VANESSA:

You look great!

The essentials are clear plastic cups, mini paper plates, raid, and a nerf gun. The raid will be the active killing method, the other items mentioned are just to help get the roach in a controlled setting to let the raid kill it much easier while using very little. Basically whenever you see a roach, you’re gonna wanna always try to cup it with the disposable cup, and depending on where you were able to cup it will determine if you will then need to use the paper plate as well. For instance if you see one on the wall, and you manage to cup it, you’re gonna want to hold it in position and then quickly slide the mini paper plate under the cup when the roach wanders towards the top of the cup away from the bottom. Following that you will then take another paper plate and cut the edges of it off so you are simply left with a small circle of a paper plate with no edges, this is perfect. Then you will slide the edgeless paper disc under the roach on the paper plate and then use it to lift it up briefly and place it directly on the floor, then carefully slide the disc out from the cup trying to raise the cup as little as possible so the roach doesn’t escape. Then you simply want to spray a little raid to the side of the cup on the floor, and literally just slide the cup with the roach still in it towards the little raid puddle. This will kill it, but I recommend after about a minute or 2 once it’s on its back and still slightly twitching that you lift the cup and spray a little more raid directly on it just to be sure. Wait another minute then dispose of the roach. Clean the affected area where you sprayed raid and that’s it.

In the case of if you see one on the ceiling, this requires more skill, and this is where the nerf gun comes into play. I personally use the nerf Ultra 4 gun as it’s a single shot, and is powerful. The purpose of the gun is not to kill it, as this likely almost never fully kills it unless you make a devastating point blank shot in the right spot, which I’ve done a couple times. The point of the nerf gun is to stun it so it drops to the floor and you can then quickly take the cup and cup it. You will need to be very accurate as nerf guns in general are not very accurate, I find getting as close as possible helps with accuracy. Following a scenario where you successfully shoot it and then cup it, use the paper plate and raid method I mentioned earlier.

In the case that a roach is behind a piece of furniture or in a nook, this is the trickiest as you’ll likely need to wait it out a bit for the roach to come out, but if you’re patient enough you will eventually see an opening to cup it. Or if you’re inpatient you can always move furniture out of the way, depending on what it is of course, obviously you can’t move a whole refrigerator out of the way, but if it’s just something small like a dresser, you can quickly move it and once you see it scurrying away, stop everything you’re doing and try to cup it and use the raid on the floor method.

🚨 Server Announcement: Elevating the Quality of the Discussion Space 🚨

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Daniel give me coffee

SHOWER TRIP REPORT 🤝🫡🥶🚿🧼🛀😩😩😩

Ight 😂💪 been hearing alot of hype around this new trend. Thought I'd take one for the team.

AParently people gettin lit as fuck, standing in running water n shit???

It's Called showering (in case u don't know) BTW I KNOW WTF THAT IS!! I'm NOT DUMB!! 🤓🤓 I've just been on a 2 month tolerance break. Thought i'd break the seal today & report for ur pleasure 😎😎.

Got a buddy says he has one. I hooked him up with a pair of socks I found in a radioshack dumpster so guy owes me big time. Homie outta pay me to suck me as well, shit, godamn the things I do for people. 😤😤😤

Anywyas less getotoit

T: -0:15 hours to DOSE

I arrive at buddies house 🤤🤝🫡. Homies on some gay shit buttering me up talking about some kind of 12-steps?? And getting help?? Tf? Haha, idk what u mean. Lemme see the goods vro cut the shit! After his wife and children lock themselves downstairs (tf? Yall pussies fr) he shows me to a room.

Tells me to help myself, I say yeah yeah, ( I lock the door & stuff a shoe under for double safety ). I whip out my fuckin phone to check for infrared light. Idk wwhat kind of rapist would wanna film me showering but u can't trust shit these days. I listen to the walls for chatter until I hear them start arguing bout some "blah blah boundaries" shit. Idgaf. Cool.

Ok we good. I turn the knobs and let the water heat up 😂💨🥺💨😩.

T: -0:01 minutes to dose

DAMN IT'S A HOTBOX. STG ALMOST PASSED OUT RN. Nah u think u blow fat clouds? u gotta see this shit rn. THE WHOLE FUCKING ROOM IS SMOKE I TELL YOU. Damn.

I strip ass bare and prepare to present myself.

T: +0:00 Initial dose

Throwing back the curtain, I am veiled in an aura of rushing primal consciousness.

“Oh sweet Jesus!” A prodromal, wet, heaving moan slithers out of me.

The water, from whence all life itself once sprung, now wraps my aching, wretched soul with the embrace of pure acceptance.

My broken mind dilutes into the infinite creativity of nature. My pain fusing with the scales of time, tearing away all that I was, leaving only the very moment I now pass through.

My soul, my being, the pieces of me yet and not yet burdened with the pain and fear of bonding with a cold, uncaring amphetamine salt, conjoin.

Merging my awareness with the warm misting essence of life around me, I feel myself expand—from a cellular level, the pumping strands of DNA, carried to me over millions of years from struggling fish, to the finely tuned qualia network blossoming in my forebrain—to the cosmic level. Eons pass. Universes collapsing, rebirthing, indefinitely, all at once coalescing into the trail of water trickling down my ballsack.

“NEPTUNE, TAKE MY SOUL, WHAT HAVE I BECOME!” I scream, trembling with my now fledgling renewal of consciousness, calling to the goddess herself.

“AM I WORTH SAVING?” I cry, falling to my knees, feeling my eyes twist violently into an unpracticed shape of despair. The despair of a man at his deathbed, urged to repent. The awakening of one whose life is already over—to see so much, to control nothing.

They came to me in dozens, memories of everyone I hurt, abandoned, lied to.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I whisper. If I hadn’t been so busy smoking… maybe you would still be here.

I could still change…

The water wipes my tears, taking my memory with it. Trading the suffocating & indecipherable trauma of reality for the warm, familiar, & isolating hell of meth once again. l watch it all wisp down the drain, baffled & unrecognizable. The years leave me. A metabolic century of pain, forgiven.

T: +0:05 minutes into the trip.

I grab homeboys dandruff lotion and treat it like a 5-in-1 body wash. Idgaf I do what I want. Bitches always hatin. I wash that shit off. Damn Im clean as hell haha ahhhh 😎😎😎.

t: +0:10 min

I hope out that bitch feelin good. Might have to slam a phattie later. 💉❄️❄️

I grab my pants. Damn!!! 🤯😩🥴 Didn't realize how bad my cloths stink. Too late not my fuggin problem. I toss that shit on & sneak out before my budy pats me down ( I stole his spoon drawer). Ight 😂😂 enough this typing shit. I gotta get back on the grind!

So im a 28 Year old Junky who lives with his dad. Although this is the closest i have came off of it..... Fetty Addiction that is.... I have been Addicted long before the Dirty 30's/Blues hit the streets. I was doing Boi until it stopped coming around. Before that i was scoring the old school Fetty Patches that you could smoke 'AKA' Gel patches. I have a wife and 3 Kids. I Make $2500 a month doing Online Marketplace sales. But it takes all my money to go 50 Miles out the way every morning to the 'Methadone\ clinic which is also $17 to dose that being said.Just to mention my credit was around 650 but is going down the shitter thanks to Medical Bills. So i cant put the ISP in my name. I am really at a stump. My a 62 year old boomber although he is cool. He doesn't know much other than Facebook but makes me login every time it gets logged back out some how. He will complain that the internet lags and complain that the router isn't strong enough to reach the camper her lives in out back In the backy ward. We can get "SPECTRUM" "ROCKIN' WITH BRIGHTSPEED" AT. Spectrum which is the only other ISP". Spectrum Might not be the best compared to what a lot of people can get but it would help my future career tremendously***,*** its 500Mbps from Spectrum in my area in a lot lot better than the 24Mbps Tops Download speed i get at this momentfrom BrightSpeed. It, Opsec, InfoSec & Pretty much all Tech is my Passion. Also if i do get him to go through with it. What would be a preferably Vpn router that affordable $20-$50. If not then what would be just a good cheap affordable one that has all the regular feature for around the same prices $20-$50 Possible $60. I do need help guys pleaseeee!!!

666 is sos cary like its the devil number and devil is bad i saw so many people call 666 at 3am and a monster appear always i tried calling on my mum phone to see if it real but it lead to a creepy robot voice saying ‘this number is invalid’ and I got even more scared so im typing this hiding under blankets am i safe

AHHHHH IM SO SCARED. A club at my school hosted a movie night and I sat next to him the whole time and held his hand LIKE HE WAS DOING THE THREE SQUEEZE THING. HE HAD HIS ARM AROUND ME AND WE WERE JUST LAUGHING THE WHOLE TIME AND HE WAS SO CUTE UGGGGH. But like I’m scared because I’m neurodivergent and I misread situations very often BUT AT THE SAME TIME ITS SO OBVIOUS BUT WHAT IF IT ISNT!?!?!!??!?? A couple of our friends have said that it’s really obvious he likes me too but I’m so nervous 😭😭 he’s genuinely so kind and affectionate, he’s a good listener and he’s soooo funny. He’s really handsome too (to me at least). I honestly just can’t get enough of him like I’ve never felt like this before it’s so scary. I’m literally trying not the throw up from nervousness rn. 😭🙏🙏

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