We’ve all been there—too many notifications and too little clarity. The average worker receives 121 emails per day (source: Radicati Group), not to mention chat messages, alerts, and meetings. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But here’s the thing: it’s not about stopping notifications, it’s about designing better systems. Every message should serve a purpose, every notification should add value.

Here’s how:

1. Create separate channels for different types of communication (quick chats, deep discussions).
2. Turn off notifications during focused work hours—give people the time to think.
3. Use email for non-urgent matters; instant messaging for real-time collaboration.

The key is intent. Not every conversation is urgent, and not every notification needs immediate action. Could less communication actually lead to more productivity?

I’ve been told I’m an over communicator, meaning I ramble and overall just speak inefficiently (specifically, I use too many words). Any recommendations for books, online courses, or groups that could help me work on this? I looked into toastmasters but I don’t think that’s a fit for me right now.

the most valuable information from Brene Brown I have ever experienced

Vinh Giang is an entrepreneur, magician and keynote speaker. He believes that presenting effectively is a critical skill as it engages people and moves them to act. He talks about how his parents early struggles inspired him and shaped who he is.

Vinh Giang’s parents fled Vietnam in the late 1970s. They embarked on a perilous journey across the sea, to escape an oppressive regime. In the dead of night, they boarded an overcrowded, rickety fishing boat, leaving behind everything they knew. For days, they drifted, exposed to scorching heat and freezing nights with little food or water. Their greatest fear came true when pirates attacked their boat one night, robbing them but sparing their lives. As supplies dwindled and hope faded, a miracle happened. An Australian ship rescued them. Upon arriving in Australia, they had nothing but each other. Vinh’s parents worked tirelessly to successfully build a new life for themselves.

The techniques Vinh demonstrates and teaches include: mastering our voice, harnessing body language and creating moments of wonder.

Master our voice

Your voice can change the world. - Barack Obama

Our voice is the most important tool we have for delivering a powerful presentation. Counterintuitively, how we deliver our message is often more important than its content. Vinh Giang’s tips include:

1. Vocal variety: Vary pitch and tone to keep our audience engaged. A change in tone can emphasise key points and convey emotion.

2. Pacing: Adjust speed of delivery. Slow down at critical moments to allow our audience time to absorb the message. Speed up to convey excitement.

3. Pausing: Strategic pauses create suspense and time to reflect. Silence can regain attention.

Harness body language

Your body communicates far more than your words. The way you move, hold yourself and react speaks volumes. - Vinh Giang

Non-verbal communication is key. Our body language, gestures and facial expressions can either reinforce the message or detract from it. Congruence between our words and body language is essential for building trust and authority. If we say something is important but our body language doesn’t reflect that emotion, our audience will disconnect. Vinh’s tips for effectively harnessing body language include:

4. Posture: Stand tall and confident. Avoid slouching or shifting our weight. Our posture should communicate authority.

5. Gestures: Use hand gestures to emphasise points, but don’t overdo it. Our gestures should feel natural and align with what we're saying.

6. Eye contact: Making eye contact helps build connection. Engage different parts of the room to make everyone feel involved.

Create moments of wonder

The key to success is to surprise and engage your audience, giving them something unexpected that sparks curiosity and joy. - Walt Disney

To capture attention, we need to create moments of wonder. In his presentations, Vinh Giang uses magic tricks, not just to entertain, but as metaphors to highlight key lessons in communication. The more interactive and surprising we can make our presentation, the more our audience will be drawn in. Vinh suggests:

7. Storytelling: A well told story captivates. Use personal anecdotes or relatable stories to illustrate key points.

8. Visual aids: Incorporate slides, videos or props to provide a break from verbal content and engage different senses. Visuals should be simple and impactful.

9. Interaction: Ask questions and invite participation. This makes the audience feel involved.

10. Engage with passion: Let our enthusiasm for the topic come through. Passion is contagious and our audience will feed off that energy.

Other resources

Psychology of Illusion talk by Vinh Giang

Key Influencer in 5 Steps post by Phil Martin

Great Communication in 3 Steps post by Phil Martin

Maya Angelou defines the essence of a powerful presentation. People may forget what you say, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.

Have fun.

Phil…

Hi all,

I contacted a lawyer about an unequal pay situation at my job back in December of 2023. After trying some things like reaching out to HR directly, with no success, we decided to officially start a representation agreement and start working on a demand letter to send to my employer. This was in April 2024 that the onboarding process and setting up an escrow account was done. Things seemed to be moving along just fine for the next two months as I gave them what evidence I have and we went through a few rounds of editing the demand letter.

In early July I was told a final draft should be ready for my approval to send soon. Since then it has been pushed back time and time again, and the only way I know anything about it is because I have reached out when the anticipated date passes, I give a week grace period, and I have to be the one to initiate communication. They (lawyer and her paralegal) are not reaching out to me, and we have passed three promised dates they gave me for when this would be done.

At this point I am incredibly frustrated, and am considering filing a complaint with the state bar association. However, I want to send an email to both of the expressing this frustration and how expectations have not been met before I do that. It only seems fair to say that I am not happy, and give them another chance to serve the demand letter.

So here is the communication issue- I am struggling to express this frustration without feeling like I am coming off as a threatening entitled brat! I definitely don't want to come in, guns blazing and say "you better do this or I'm filing a complaint!" or something akin to that. But I do want to express that in no uncertain terms am I unhappy with this timeline and lack of communication.

Please advise on how to do this calmly, professionally, but without being an apologetic people please. Thank you!

I find myself going non-verbal during arguments with my boyfriend, and when I do end up talking or saying something, it’s the polar opposite. I lash out and say really harsh things that I don’t even mean.

I really want to fix this and to find a way to be more gentle. I grew up in a household where my family members were always angry in one way or another, so I guess I got it from that environment.

I tried talking to my mom about seeking professional help for my mental health and communication issues, but she believes that there are bigger problems in the world and that this is just part of my teen years. My university has a free counseling service but they’re always fully booked. I also can’t afford to fund a therapist with my allowance.

I’ve been trying to actively work on it, but I genuinely feel like it’s just getting worse. I also told my partner about it, but it just hurts to see how much hurt I’ve caused because of my issues.

Has anyone gone through the same thing? and how did you work on it?

Thank you in advance

I often have trouble understanding what people say. Especially fast talking or when it's a topic new to me. And even worse when it contains numbers or dates or people calculating loudly to demonstrate how easy something is. When something is presented visually, I get it instantly. Even when it's complex and I am surprised when people find visuals more complicated then text, when even someone "stupid" like me gets it immediately. It's like those two skills are switched in my brain. Wich can make social situations awkward or misunderstandings happen.

Do you have any idea what's going on? I've been talking about it with a doctor. He kind of brushed it away. I shouldn't worry. People are just different. Some are visual. Others not. But often it really is annoying or producing anxiety of appearing stupid in front of other people. I learned to live with it. A lot I do is visual now. But an explanation would be nice.

Ok so I grew up with abusive parents and lived in a very dysfunctional household. This is now essentially ruining my relationship because I have 0 verbal communication skills. For example if deep down I’m feeling upset, I will just say ‘you don’t hear me and you don’t care about my feelings.’ Instead of being able to say I feel hurt about xyz.

Another example that recently happened, instead of saying ‘I was upset about our conversation the other day, can we talk about it?’ ( after hours of thinking, I assessed I was feeling anxious about saying this and being vulnerable because I don’t feel like he is receptive sometimes.) Instead I am more passive aggressive, I ignore him and text about how he makes me anxious and I feel judged or criticized by him. And then he basically has to drag it out of me instead of me being able to present it clearly.

In the moment I genuinely feel in the right and like what I am feeling (like earlier, anxiety) is truly based off of him being critical of me, when really that is a projection seeing as he had no chance in the first place to show his response.

I don’t start therapy for another month. I am trying to be mindful but I swear I’m literally stunted and frustrated with myself. Any tips?

What does it mean to open up and how do you do it?

I believe that talking about ourselves helps us to heal and improve our lives -- and love ourselves.
I would like to start a group where we practice listening to each other in the most nurturing and powerful way possible.  Would anyone be interested in an online group where we pair off into breakout rooms to listen to each other?

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been going through a tough spot and I try to bring up how I’m feeling and what not, but I don’t feel heard at all, he will talk about something completely unrelated or something solely about him and his problems while I’m in the midst of trying to express myself. Nothing really seems to be getting through/the weight of my words aren’t weighing much to him.

My boyfriend grew up in a home where emotions weren’t talked about/listened to. He didn’t have his emotional needs met and hadn’t had any remotely healthy relationships in the past before me so he is trying to learn how to better communicate and be there for me when I need it, but it’s been really hard. I’ve been helping and guiding him through this.

If anyone has any pointers I could give to him on how to be a more active listener/better at engaging with my emotions that would be greatly appreciated. I’m at my wits end at the moment and I fear that a break up is imminent if things continue this way.

I’ve been having this recurring issue at work and I’m not sure how to handle it.

There’s this one coworker (we’ll call them Jen) who constantly interrupts me during meetings. Sometimes it's positive and productive, however, most of the time they just cram in whatever thought they have in the middle of my talking. Worst of all, they are usually wrong and talk for very long.

For example, our company is going through some layoffs. When I was talking about a point related to accounting and the changing structure of salaries, they randomly started talking about how bad layoffs are and how we should be mindful and caring to our colleagues. Sure, they're not totally wrong, but that monologue was completely non-productive.

I get that sometimes people get excited and want to share their thoughts, but it feels disrespectful.

I’ve tried pausing and giving them a look, but they don’t seem to catch on. I have also tried saying stuff like "as I was saying before..." when they do stop talking but they seem completely oblivious to these slight social cues.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? What’s the best way to address it without coming off as confrontational or making it awkward? I hate confrontation, so I would love advice that wouldn't involve going head-to-head with them.

I’m not nit picky or controlling but I really cannot have a conversation with someone who talks in circles. I’ve taken to just not engaging but idk. Feels like I’m being judged for not participating but it mentally drains on me.

Personal example is recently we helped a friend leave an abusive relationship. I guess the old man my husband occasionally hangs out with messaged my husband that night asking to hang out, but we were helping the friend move her ex’s shit out before he came back in the morning. Obviously we aren’t gonna talk about her situation so my husband said we were just staying in that night.

At a mutual neighbor’s hang out spot the old guy REPEATEDLY and I mean REPEATEDLY kept saying “I’m sorry if i said or did anything i appreciate you guys coming over and im sorry if i did anything” and i said he didn’t. he repeats himself, word for word. I say once again he didn’t do anything.

by the 3rd time repeating this i am beyond annoyed but i don’t know what to say without being perceived as a bitch. i can be a very blunt person and that isn’t the typical culture around here (out of state)

i straight up do not want to be around because i cannot handle it mentally when people repeat themselves after getting an answer. my husband did it last night too and it really annoyed the fuck out of me

h: so if you can tomorrow, can you wash that cup for me

me: i already planned to when we get home

h: you don’t have to do it tonight

me: ok

h: im just saying you can do it tomorrow, don’t feel obligated to do it tonight

me: i had already planned on doing it because i want to…

h: but don’t feel obligated to do so because you can do it tomorrow

me: I don’t want to wake up at 5 am to wash a cup.

h: but you don’t have to do it tonight

me: ……

h: I’m just saying

me: and I just said even before you considered asking me i had already planned on doing it, so why are you arguing with me right now trying to take away the choice i made? it makes me not want to wash the cup now out of spite.

h: im sorry im just saying you aren’t obligated to do it tonight

me: you are doing it again, how am i not explaining my feelings on this manner well enough?

it annoys me when people talk in circles. i really only discovered this recently as i’m trying to do better to protect my peace and not devote more mental energy to others than they’re deserving of (i have major issues with this at the expense of myself) my time is important and my mental load is important, yet nobody has ever respected me for putting myself first.

how do i “politely” tell someone i understand. stop repeating yourself. cause walking away mid sentence is rude but that’s what i want to do half the time.

I finished an audiobook yesterday about anger and that the person who is angry needs to be listened first before this person can actively listening again.

As I learned last week, there is a communication style, where people talk in a “cooperative overlapping” way. Adding or asking context for the actual topic, while the other person is speaking about. And both are fine. (Kind of regular neurodivergent communication.)

My boyfriend complained about me over talking him, so I stopped yesterday. I went totally calm, kind of dead from the inside, try to following his overextended stories, he is very talkative. I mean he had a monologue for 15 min straight without leaving a pause or asking me anything. (His mother is the same, I guess it’s coming from a part of insecurity. It’s fine. He also over talk other, but he’s not reflecting on that.) So I started wandering inside of my brain, I realised that I have no expression on my face, I didn’t agree with a “yes” - just nodding randomly here and there. Even if I wanted to say “yes”, I kind of lost the ability to speak or it felt unsafe.* Trying to keep in mind what I wanted to say, but forgot it anyway, because is it really important?

*Haven’t had this “extreme feeling” in a long time. I remember how it was in my childhood, when my Nparent was screaming at me.

After he stopped and I could say something, he did the same quiet listening and it didn’t felt good at all. He focused on not saying something, looked very uninterested - I’m sure I looked the same before.

I’ll try this for a week or month and see if this is adding any value to my life. If the calmness is from a meditating kind of way (let the thoughts passing like clouds) or is it more childhood trauma.

Did anyone grow up in a household where you had to ask permission to speak? Maybe a “speak when spoken to” type of environment?

I’m just realizing that I am always the “good listener” in most of my relationships and I am wanting to share my thoughts but I struggle to find the appropriate time to speak up. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that I always had to raise my hand to speak as a child or ask permission to speak. A very strict environment when it came to children and how they behaved.

Anyone out there understand this?

How have you practiced breaking these habits?

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Hi All,

I have been facing a slight challenge while I communicate in a professional environment. I have noticed that I sometimes become conscious thinking about how does my voice sound to others, as I am M25, my voice does not sound very deep and I feel less confident. I can literally feel that I sometimes lose my confidence midway when I talk to someone new or some senior person in the office. This mostly happens during online meetings. In person, I don't really feel that much but I do in rarest of occasions. This tends to me complicating the things and sometimes I end up confusing the people in the meetings.

The other thing which I have come across is my choice of words while I speak. I often use very limited words. I would like to make use of more variety of words and make my style of communication more interesting.

On the bright side, my written communication has always been strong, and I feel more confident writing emails and documentation.

It will be really helpful if someone can suggest me few tips on improving on these areas.

Thanks in advance! :)

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but... how long would you wait for a response on a text message from a significant other before feeling let down or slighted? Especially if they are always on or near their phone and you have seem them respond quickly to others?

My ex would blow me off and string me along this way, and I want to make sure I don't carry that negative experience into a new relationship or someone I'm talking to. I feel like a have a skewed of idea of what's normal based on how my ex handled the situation. I appreciate any insight.

I’m an ex-journalist who switched to PR. What I find to be one of the hardest aspects is to be OK with just how much the shortest texts I draft get rewritten. Be it press releases or a simple email media pitch or invite of literally 3-4 pars. The meaning stays, of course, the same, but the text gets changed entirely. Often multiple times by multiple people.

I know by now that it’s normal in PR, but I still don’t understand why they do it. It makes me feel… inadequate and like an imposter. I have many years of successful writing career, having worked in high profile outlets with excellent editors, who used to give feedback, sometimes would tweak a few things - but never a full rewrite. I used to be confident and proud of my writing. Now, with all these rewrites of very simple non-creative texts, I doubt myself more than ever. I need to go back and look at my stories from before, stories I got awards and recognition for, to actually gain some confidence back…

So...long story short, my best friend since middle school did something that I did not appreciate. To the point where I broke up the friendship, and after a number of years we rekindled the friendship. She became a different person, which was a good thing!

But I've been noticing a pattern when we text each other. She'll talk about someone without mentioning the name. As if she thinks I don't know who they are, when in fact me and the person are mutual friends. When she talks about him, she uses the phrases, "my friend" instead of saying "our friend." Or just say his name cause I would know who she's talking about.

Or she'll mention about a particular person who she hangs out with now and then who is horrible to her, but she still goes to hang out with anyway. When I hear the same kind of incident, I instantly think of the person's name she had mentioned once before. So I say, "who (person's name here)?" then she'll say, "yeah."

It just confuses me and I don't know why she does that. I hate to just be upfront ask her about it, because she does get sensitive about being confronted on anything. Is there a reason behind it?

My husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 10 this year. I (f) was diagnosed with ADHD pretty late at age 38. We have this recurring communication issue where the other person will forget to elaborate, or ask follow-up questions, and it happens, barely frequently. I have yet to come up with some sort of a remedy. Here is typically how the interaction plays out.

Him: I’m going to load up the car. Me: ok.

So this seems to be a pretty simple statement and reply interaction. The problem is, that there is an underlying inference or question happening.

He should have asked: I am going to load up the car, can you stay here and x y z?

OR

Him: i’m going to load up the car. Me: OK, what would you like me to do?

Obviously, neither of the second two possibilities happened. Instead, it seemed like a simple statement to me; that he was just telling me what he was going to do and that it shouldn’t impact what I was currently doing.

So yes, this happens quite a bit where he will say something, and I won’t really fully understand the context or any implications. And vice versa.

So far, I haven’t figured out how to remember to always ask follow-up questions, and he (or whoever is asking the question) hasn’t remembered to tell the other person the intention.

So yeah, any tips?

Besides the obvious things like yelling, bullying, manipulation or discrimination there are many more signs that you might be working at a toxic workplace.

Signs that might not be that obvious are: 
-Being micromanaged by your superior
-No work life balance
-Employees who have given up and are only doing the absolute minimum so they don’t get fired.

I wrote a full article about the things that have helped me to deal with my toxic work environment, in case anyone is interested.
https://thegentleforce.me/p/how-to-deal-with-a-toxic-work-environment