okay so i turned 18 on 4/20 so a few weeks ago now and i was, and still am, very against selective service, i didn’t want to sign up, i wasn’t going to sign up, i did not sign up. or so i thought until yesterday, i got a letter in the mail basically saying “thank you for registering” with the card and other garbage they packaged with it, i plan to shred the majority of it. i never once signed a single item related to selective service while i was 18, the only thing i can think is FAFSA but i signed that when i was a minor which would make it a non-binding signature.

ever since i got that letter i have felt like shit, when i got it i read it over a few times in disbelief, then after a while i just sat their and cried over it. i have talked to one person about it online and that was it, i haven’t talked about it to anyone else. i have a history of taking an insane amount of painkillers at once, to the point when im not allowed to have them without another person handing me a certain amount (i was taking 4x the recommended dose in one sitting) and i feel worse than i did while i was taking that stuff, i don’t want to start doing it again but at the same time i do and i don’t know what to do. i also have done other things always to hurt myself but in a way that didn’t leave any outward physical damage, id hold my breath until i passed out, close myself off from everyone (what im doing now) and id pull my hair as hard as possible to cause pain.

today at school was supposed to be a fun day, it was senior day and we visited our elementary school and played games and grilled. i was having a good time surprisingly until a teacher got mad for kicking a ball and it just knocked me back down and i felt like shit again. it feels like nothing is going right, i can’t get the selective service out of my mind now. i’m supposed to go to my friends house in less than an hour to work on dorm room selection for college next year and i don’t want to, i just want to stay in my room by myself.

i had thought of sending a letter to the selective service people telling them to kiss my ass with a ton of their personal information at the bottom (names, addresses, family members) that’s stuff but i don’t want to get in trouble for doing that, so i didn’t, not yet at least. i really want to do something, because this is bullshit.

i was never given a choice, i wasn’t going to sign it even if it was illegal i did not care, i feel like garbage. how is this even legal? it is blatant sex discrimination and coercion and is unconstitutional, yet it somehow remains, i hate it. i don’t envy women for a lot as they have other bad issues, but this is one of them, it makes me dislike being a guy, i don’t want to sound like like a whiny child but at this point i wish i was not born a boy, it just feels like i’m a tool for the old lazy bastards in the government. i think this is the first time ive felt like this, i feel sub-human, i don’t want to be here anymore. i don’t know what to do, i don’t know what i can do.

edit: yall im not scared of being drafted; im mad at the blatant sex discrimination, coercion, and dehumanization. i’d never get passed a physical as i have a heart defect which i’ve had to get ekgs multiple times on, and i obviously wouldn’t pass a mental exam either

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

Hello, i am 17 years old, i never had a gf before in fact never had a crush for long.. so i look at dating forums when i wonder about and i see people say that, u need to be an alpha man, u need to be mean against girls, read redpill etc... which makes me confused

And some people say that being virgin is a total turnoff for someone at my ages... And they say, women go for %20 of men so dont spend ur effort, I really did not know anything about these and now i am confused...

Are these mindsets true if i have a crush on somebody at my ages?

Before I started T (and currently) I took 1 shower a day. I wash my pits and nether regions thoroughly as well with Dove as the rest of my body, like legs and arms too. I don't know I think I wash pretty thoroughly.😭

I use old spice deodorant and have for many years. Then I lotion up. I occasionally spritz myself with perfume but not always, maybe once a week. This has typically been enough for my hygiene routine. It leaves me clean and smelling lightly pleasant for the day which ai like. WELL IT'S NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE.

I teach at a school and at the end of the day last week, my last class walked in and the students walked in and exclaimed that the room smelled like sweat and ass. If they realized it was me they were kind enough not to say anything. Almost every child was pinching their noses with their finger tips.

I walked past a teacher this afternoon that was picking up a nonverbal student and she said to him, "wow you smell like a grown man" and bro couldn't even defend himself.

My partner has had a couple days where she's had to politely let me know that I stunk really bad. I can only slightly tell when I'm stinky but mostly I just feel hot and sweaty.

I cannot live like this. I cannot keep terrorizing my workplace and loved ones. I need a routine to subdue the funk. Please share with me what works for you. What am I missing because obviously I am doing something wrong.

TL;DR below

I very often find myself seeing other men and immediately comparing myself to them in many aspects.

I find male celebrities and role models very inspiring and comforting and don‘t think I could easily give up engaging with interviews and movies/shows of them.

Many of my best traits and qualities come from being inspired by them and they make me into a much better man. Healthy masculinity is one of the most important things in my life.

And yet 80% of the time that I see someone I admire I start feeling envious of their body, beard, hair, voice, mannerisms, charisma etc.

I‘ve tried many times to tell myself that everyone has their own path and pace and that because of my circumstances it would be impossible/hard for me to have those qualities yet. But it only comforts me for a few seconds before the cycle starts again.

I want to live with other men in my life happily, acknowledging their process and successes and being happy for them without feeling bad about myself.

Does anyone have similar experiences or has potential solutions on how I can change my thinking patterns into healthy ones?

TL;DR: While having other men as role models in my life has made me a much better man, I often envy their traits and feel bad about myself not being as masculine/strong/etc.

I’ve struggled with a lot of self hate these last few years. I became disabled by extremely severe chronic daily migraine and once attempted suicide to escape the pain. Since then I never felt at home in my body, and grew to hate it.

Before my migraine started I was an accomplished karate student and teacher. I had a black belt, taught kids every week, had some success in competition, it was my great passion. I couldn’t bring myself to practice karate for a long time because the memory of what I lost was too painful, but now I’m practicing again and it feels like a resurrection.

I’m remembering the strength of my hands. The long practiced and hard earned skills my body can’t forget. I’m standing straight, thinking clear, I see what I can do and I’m proud of myself again. I’m even teaching my step son and I’m so proud to see how well he’s picking it up. It’s bringing us closer together and building both of us into more confident men.

I just wanted to share this with people who would appreciate it. If you struggle to love yourself, if you have trauma that makes you feel like your body is against you, maybe give martial arts a try. It’s so much more than learning to fight. It’s learning to play your body like an instrument.

I made a post about this on another subreddit last year and wanted to share my ideas with this community.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensLib/s/kJozMFZ8cj

The post isn’t too long but to summarize I think a better society would be one in which all adult males are seen as real men; men are not expected to be masculine, strong, or stoic at all; and a man's worth isn't measured by his masculinity (or lack there of), strenght, socioeconomic status, and penis size.

I think that if Leftist men unite we could form a social movement to make this a reality.

What do you all think?

I am sorry if it feels like a venting post, I genuinely need advice on how to get rid of anger.

I am feeling anger, even hatred toward multiple people like never before. However I am never able to hate someone, I always end up hating myself and hurting myself. At first I thought it was because it was my fault but multiple people have told me that I had good reasons to be angry. I still can't be angry toward the people who hurt me. It would be a good thing if I was just a nice person but it's not that, all this anger is directed toward me instead and make me hurt myself. I end up in the hospital two weeks ago and I am barely functioning in day-to-day life. People don't seem to notice there is something wrong with me so I guess I am still good at putting up a front. But when I am alone I am a mess.

So bros how can I get rid of this anger ? I don't want to have bad thoughts about people, I don't want to be a bad person. Sometimes I have mean thoughts about these people and end up feeling guilty immediately. But at the same time I am also mad at myself for not standing up for myself and just letting people walk over me, thinking I was strong enough to endure it.

Sorry if the text is messy, I might have some trouble writing what I feel. I am already seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants but they don't seem to work anymore.

I'm a teachers assistant in a high school class. It's a history class of almost entirely freshman boys. Naturally I spend 90% of the day managing them and helping organize after they find a new shenanigan to try.

Despite the environment a lot of my students genuinely try hard, even when they think they're too dumb to pass the class (none of them are, they could all easily get As if they turned in their work).

One of my students told me on Friday that she wants to drop out and get her GED after she failed a test. She only failed because she pretty clearly has undiagnosed ADHD and felt unmotivated, she could have easily passed it.

This student specifically is usually pretty disconnected from class and was feeling uncomfortable with some of the boys in the class. She kept profusely apologizing for failing, thinking I was mad. I pulled her aside a few minutes after class ended and told her she's a whole lot smarter than the number on the quiz says, and promised she can work with me on Monday.

A couple hours later my friend, her cousin, texts me and tells me she came home on the verge of tears from how happy she was. She doesn't seem to get many positive comments and apparently what I told her was enough to, in his words, "make her week".

My story isn't anything new. I was raised under the "boys don't cry" mentality by a volatile narcissist who taught me to hate. My older brother got the memo years ahead of me and became my first bully. I got the family autism and ADHD and it all just kind of broke me in the head. I was a nasty little kid.

I didn't have anyone in the house to take it out on so I bullied other kids where I could. I remember picking on a disabled kid who lived on my block. I was a misogynist, like my dad. I screamed at girls to make them do what I wanted them to. I was so sensitive even the slightest perceived slight sent me into fight or flight. I was shitty to my friends and ended up lonely for most of my childhood. I started having "episodes" in public that were probably half autistic meltdown and half trauma flashback. I said some truly terrible things. I threatened to kill others and myself. I probably traumatized other kids.

As I grew older I learned how to mask my condition better but the shittiness was still there under the surface. I'm sure I valued the opinions of women less. I found it easy to empathize with hypothetical men accused of rape and difficult to empathize with the real women who came out about it. I looked up to edgy internet atheists because not being a Christian like my dad was one of the only markers of identity I had. I was anxious and angry all the time for no reason.

When I went to college I got told off by feminists, who were very often right about my shortcomings as a man. It nurtured a reactionary spirit in me. I had a couple friends who managed to keep me from going full GamerGate, but despite my budding knowledge of feminism I still nurtured a way of thinking that prevented me from understanding what liberation movements are all about. I know some of my professors couldn't stand me.

I'm in therapy now and trying to heal but I don't even have the foundations of a healthy human being in here. I hate the sight of myself so much it makes me nauseous to see pictures of me. I don't have goals, ambitions, dreams or any particular attachment to my own future more than two weeks in advance. I'm just kind of a nothing person. If you killed me I'm not sure it would ethically be murder.

A friend of mine transitioned recently and it's got me thinking about gender identity. I always find it fascinating how trans men can get euphoria from performing masculinity. I realized that I don't think I've ever had that experience. Sometimes I feel relief that I was able to perform well enough that I don't need to fear humiliation and criticism, but never joy. The version of masculinity my dad taught me was painful and radioactive, but it's the only thing I have in the space where my gender should be. Whatever was "supposed" to be there has been completely disintegrated.

For a while I thought I might even be trans. My ex helped me crossdress a couple times and I just didn't feel anything. Maybe I could be non-binary, but I don't think I would get anything out of it. There's no other way I could present that would make me feel any more like "myself". My "masculinity" is soaked in the shame of my trauma and the guilt of what it turned me into. So I just feel like a flesh thing.

Does anyone else relate? How do you develop a positive gender identity after toxic masculinity?

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

I've been unemployed for a few months and honestly it's been a little miserable. Constantly hearing that every place is screaming out for workers but getting nowhere despite applying all day kinda got to me tbh. Anyway I finally heard back from a tutoring gig I'm well qualified for and I'm in the lobby right now. I'm a little nervous but I think I've got this...

Wish me luck guys!

edit: I got the job lets gooo

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

In both seeking a job and dating I'm finding that a lot of advice centers around this idea of "Be passionate about something". Either it's having some passion project to impress interviewers, or it's trying to be interesting when making friends/dating.

Well I'm not. I used to be passionate about some things, but for some reason or another lost interest or burnt out on them:

• The community became insufferably toxic
• A company had too much power over it and made one too many anti-consumer decisions
• Bad actors abused it and now because of them we can't have nice things
• The amount of work I put in outweighs the reward I get
• Too closely associated with an ex

The list goes on. Could be depression, could just be growing up. I don't feel like spending the money to find which one it is, and I'm not asking for new passions to yet again die to the above reasons.

Instead I just want ways of overcoming the concept of "passion". Like I just want to know how to find the people that have lost passion for so many things that they can actually sympathize and learn what they do to overcome how it impacts their social life.

I’m 30 now

I find myself attracted to women ages 23-33 ish (there are exceptions of older women I find attractive but I’m just giving a general range)

Sometimes I worry that, when I’m 50,60,70

I’m still going to wish I was able to date women in their 20-30s. Maybe it’s because I’m barely 30 now. But I can’t imagine being attracted to a grandma

So do old men just wish they could get younger women and deal with it? It seems the super rich who can be with whomever they want always date younger

Idk. Hopefully I find true love and happiness and a wife that I love for much more than looks

I’m just getting a little nervous about aging and I hope my standards of what’s attractive change with age. When I see 70 year old celebrities dating 25 year olds, it makes me wonder lol

This is a great sub and I’m really happy to see the posts here, even the struggling ones. I think it’s so wonderful that so many people; men, women, and people looking to find themselves are here helping.

But even more than that, I appreciate the people asking for help. It takes a thousand times more courage to ask for help than it does to post some advice or encouragement. And by doing so, you not only help yourselves, but also help others who may have the same question, or just to remind us that we’re not alone.

I don’t know how big of a difference we are going to make here, but we’re at least making a small positive difference. So thank you all and keep becoming the best version of yourselves!

i (20f) am so proud of saying that im 1 year (actually a little more!) clean from self harm! i have bpd (borderline personality disorder) and other complex mental issues, but i can now Say that i am stronger than my problems. of course i couldn't have done it by myself: my boyfriend was a huge stimulus and a great motivator to keep me away from sh. my life has been pretty rough and my longest clean streak was 6 months or so. i also got my scars laser removed and it feels so weird. i went through this small surgery twice, but it was never like this time because I always knew that i would've hurt myself again. but this time was different. i Plan on being with my boyfriend for a looong time and i do not wish to sh anymore

I'm not sure what I'm. I'm AMAB, but I kinda feel like I wanna be girl tbh. Like just wanna be cute girl and be seen as girl. Problem is I only discovered now that I don't even use conditioner so I can't even grow proper long hair and instead I get ugly hair and will be both ugly guy and ugly girl. So any solutions? How to understand what I want to be? Cuz I want to be both cute girl and cute guy, but I can't be both, and it's kinda confusing me

My ADHD is accompanied by anxiety and panic attacks. At home, I have a weighted vibrating heating pad that helps. But at work and in social interactions, I don’t really have anything and meds take time to set in. Does anyone have any devices that help calm them?

Fidgets do not work. Vagus nerve stimulation helps, but it’s odd to do it in front of others, which only makes it worse.

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

I have always matured at a slower rate than my peers, and even now feel that i'm in a different place in life than them. I always feel immature, childish and naive when comparing myself to others of the same age. I don't drink, smoke, vape or do drugs. I follow every rule almost religiously.

Now, at 21 years old, I am struggling in my studies at uni and have had trouble finding work, something that my peers don't seem to struggle with.

In the last 4 years, i have started to see a group of friends, with whom i bonded pretty easily. It felt like a big step in the right direction, especially after a childhood that was rather lonely.

The problem arised when we started to go out to places with an active nightlife. They would mostly go to these places to find women to hookup/start a relationship with, and not wanting to be the only member of the group left out, i decided that my discomfort was a small price to pay, especially if it meant passing more time with friends.

I never understood their almost zealot want for carnal release. I, like i presume many other males, have a libido, but have always seen sex and relationships as something that happens when the moment is right, even if i have to wait until i'm 50 years old.

But my friends have said that you have to at least had a relationship and sexual encounter before you are 25/30 years old, as older people are less likely to want a relationship with a less experienced partner.

This has made me really insecure about my choice. I'm a romantic person, and want to give my virginity to someone special, especially a partner i'm in a relationship with. But recently, because of what my friends said, i'm starting to think if its better if i just try to look for hookups myself, just for getting experience for a future partner. This is also a bit motivated, by the what i assume to be joking, remarks of my friends, that if they arrive to 30 years old without having sex, they would rather kill themselves. Even though i feel that they were sarcastic, these kind of statements have only just reinforced my insecurity

I'm really conflicted on this, especially because i don't want my first experience to be with someone random. For me sex is something that i want to do with someone i genuinely love.

I also have, and am a little ashamed to admit it, fear of penetrative sex. I'm bisexual, but have a very big fear of penetration in both an hetero and homo context.

I hope that this sub can give me a bit of advice.

I texted my is foreman monday asking for some advice about building lifting chains (I had seen him build a few while I worked under him) and this absolute gem phones me up, double checks the entire setup with me, explains my legal obligations for certification, and then proceeds to ask how I'm doing and what's new.

I know this isn't ground breaking or anything but man did I feel like he cared about me. I was fully prepared for the text to be left on read with no reply, we haven't worked together in a couple years and even then it was a single 6 month project, but he took time out his day to mentor me.

Just wanted to brag I guess?

My journalism class in my senior year of highschool had us write letters to our future self on this website which would email us the letter a year later. I kinda forgot about it, woke up a bit groggy today as I got stupid high last night for the first time, and oh hello it’s in my emails

Last year I went thru something pretty traumatic. Basically the short of it is I got “low-key” ostracized from my old archery range for being gay. Had a crush on a guy who shot at the same time as my group class did, and had been chatting with him and finally had the confidence to give him my number. Then shit hit the fan and his parents said they’d sue if we ever spoke again. Except for weeks I didn’t know that was why he stopped talking to me, and when I was kicked out of my group class they didn’t tell me why. I just knew it had to do with being cursed out by someone at the range two weeks prior. And in the confusing mess of the situation when it first unfolded I told the guy everything, in hopes my side of things might help. Only to discover he was never gonna speak to me again no matter what

I’m still kinda traumatized about it. I think it left me with some abandonment issues. Nothing’s really changed about what happened, but I moved out of my home state in the Bible Belt and I’m attending university in British Columbia now, which already is a big leap

I still think about what happened every day tho. A lot of the art I made in the first semester of uni subconsciously and consciously reflected on all that

But onto the letter—I wrote it when all this shit was fresh. When it first happened, I obsessively counted the days since for some reason. I knew how many weeks ago it was, how many days, etc. and after I wrote that letter a year ago I even began counting months.

I read the letter this morning where I said, “It has been 46 days since we’ve spoken. For you it'll be 411 since this incident,” and I realized even if I remember how many months it’s been, I stopped caring so much. I stopped noticing how many days or weeks it’s been. Very often it feels like I haven’t healed at all. No matter how many dates with new people I go on, and no matter how many friends allow me to vent to them, I really thought I wasn’t getting better. But today I realize, I have healed to some extent, a greater one than I had thought. I might’ve been left with issues that still affect me in my day to day life, but I did learn how to go on and be happy again

The letter wasn’t all about this guy and the trauma, I did talk about some other stuff in it which was charming to think about. I wrote about anticipating for stuff that I’ve been doing and have finished now, it’s kinda sweet to see that life happens and remember the thoughts I had before it happened. And I’d written about what had been happening around me as I wrote that letter, the physical space I was occupying at that hour. Which was kinda neat

I wrote another letter for my future self next year. I hope he enjoys it, i hope he’s doing even better

Help, I'm a trans bro and I'm going through menopause because of my HRT. Getting on testosterone has made my life and mental health so much better, but the hormonal effects of manopause (as we are calling it at my house) are making me feel miserable. I'm having hot flashes all the time, and my anxiety and OCD are coming back in full swing at the most random times. Please, give me all your tips on how to handle your anger, mood swings, and overheating! 😭🥵😭🥵

I have nightmares because of PTSD, and have them almost every night. A medicine called Prazosin makes them a lot less intense but I forgot to take it last night. As a result I spent about 8 hours being hunted by a man and brutally fighting for my life.

I wonder how many men struggle with nightmares and don’t talk about it. After all, we’re meant to be emotional rocks who don’t have inner demons or weaknesses.

Hey everyone,

I hope it's okay to bring this up here. I feel most comfortable in this space and know there are folks with diverse perspectives.

I've been thinking about the importance of compliments in relationships. As a guy, I know a genuine compliment from my partner can really make my day/year, like if they notice I've been hitting the gym. But I'm curious: what's the equivalent for women?

I recognize that preferences might vary depending on gender identity and relationship dynamics. I'd like to hear everyone's take, but I'm particularly interested in what cis-het women in healthy, "heteronormative" relationships with cis-het men appreciate hearing from their partners (being in one of those relationships myself).

I'm asking this because I want to broaden my understanding and focus less on what I hope to hear, and more on what others value. It's about expanding empathy and learning from each other's experiences.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences. Thanks in advance for sharing!

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

For contekst I'm gay and never have problem talking with womens so I don't fully understand "Incels" perspective.

Lately with large group od friends I spent whole weekend in rented house. My best friend have problem before even coming there because two mens wanted "seriously speak" with her and She wasn't interested in them. She is really nice person and not enough assertive, also a little fearful. Because of this I and one friend with which we are meeting more often decided to keep na eye on her. It's happening really often that mens She just tell one nice word starting repeatedly hitting on her.

Whole meeting She spent drinking, cuddling with girls and repeatedly speaking about prefering girls now. There was only one time I had to react because guy was too insistent so I was thinking that all meeting was pretty chill. But I was wrong, just after return She tell me that friend with who I agreed to protect her start hitting on her 2 times when I go to the toilet. She already reject him like 4 months ago. Also one other guy start sending her notorious messages after end of the meeting that he want to speak seriously with her.

I feel now so betrayed and disgusted! I know how much time and energy she loses for trying to be nice but also somehow tell them all to leave her alone. And always when She go to some meeting all or nearly all lonely mens start hitting on her, like She is last women on earth. She isn't interested in them but somehow they all want her, like they don't have a type only that she's a woman is important, and any of them think that meybe She don't feel good with this, they only think about themselves. They often attack her with "I'm so sad and lonely" and She feel terrible.

We will meet with him soon, but I'm so angry. I'm not jealous of her. I have boyfriend and these guys aren't my type. But I can't stop feel contempt for guys like this. I don't know, meybe there is problem with me, I need some advice what to do, others treat this like nothing big happened. I don't want to be ashole but I'm just too angry about whole situation. We speak a lot before meeting about her strugles with guys and yet he just ignore this!

*Sorry if my english isn't too good 😅

https://committees.parliament.uk/work/8383/boys-attainment-and-engagement-in-education/

Make sure to submit as much evidence as you can.

To the British people in the sub, please take advantage of this!

Boys are falling behind at every grade level in every country.

Submitting evidence is the first step! Please take action!