Hi, I have BPD and I 'm working with my emocional instability for about 3 months, english is not my first language (sorry if I write something wrong), I just want to chat with someone that is going through a bad time just like me ): I'm having some obsessive thoughts about my previous relationship and I really need advice/pass time/ chill a little... Ty 🥺

I've spent the last 5 months completely alone in my home, only leaving for work and submitting assignments in-person. My friends asked me what's wrong and at first I just didn't have the energy to reply, and now I'm too ashamed to talk to them again. I feel like I've ruined everything.

I'm so ashamed and embarrassed, and I hope I haven't ruined all of my friendships, but I understand if I have. What do I do?

What do you do when friends actually appear to be abandoning you? I have some good friends that have stopped reaching out or responding. It’s excruciating. I asked one of them if they are mad at me, and he said no. But I don’t think I’m making this up. Things feel really different. Do I try to figure it out? Do I ask them again? Do I apologize? Or do I just let go? They’ve been good friends of mine for 5 years. I wish I could just not have friends instead of going through this. But I’m an extrovert and I love people. I feel so much better around people. I make friends easily. People love me…until they don’t.

What are good books to read (as a person struggling with borderline)? I ordered "I hate you don't leave me" and my therapist made me read "Who's been living in your head?" by Mary Goulding. I'm open for every suggestion, thank you!

I told myself that I'm worth so much more.

A year ago, I started to do things that I didn't do, let go, etc because of fear, I walked with my fear and got to know my fear. I know that I'm a afraid of lot of stuff, but it's ok.

This year I told myself that I will walk with, to turn my self hate to self love.

It's so hard. It's hurt as... It's so much sorrow

I have done things that I never had done before, because I was afraid or just self hate...

Cried so much as I have done this year, from the deepest grief and being crying just because I don't know what to else to do but it's ok.

Hi All,

I want to share my story in hopes that maybe someone can help or relate to what's been happening with me.

I have impulsive borderline personality disorder and I was struggling with substance abuse for many years. Most of the years I was addicted to smoking weed, while the past year I got addicted to gabapentin in high doses up to 3,600 mg per day, and I got addicted to crystal meth as well.

During the past 3 years, I've been on 20 mg Prozac (Fluoxetine), Prexal 5mg (olanzapine), and 100mg of Topomax (Topiramate). These medications were prescribed to be on the basis of having General Anxiety Disorder, some OCD symptoms such as skin picking and cheek biting, and severe mood swings.

About 2 and a half months ago, I went to a new psychiatrist who diagnosed me with impulsive borderline personality disorder. I've been treating my substance abuse with him and I have been sober from these substances for 65 days now.

My new psychiatrist decided I did not need olanzapine nor topiramate and took me off of them instantly. As for the gabapentin, we tapered down for about a week and then stopped it also. I was kept on 20 mg fluoxetine which was increased to 40 mg two weeks later and Seroquel 50 mg XR (Quietipine) was also added. About 6-8 days later, I developed a low grade fever of 37.6-37.8 and I could feel my body heating up especially my face. I also had chills and episodes of extreme sweating. The next day I had muscle rigidity in my left calf, and muscle tremors started the next day too with an increased resting heart rate of at least 100 bpm and elevated blood pressure . This is when my doctor was suspicious of Serotonin Syndrome or Malignant Neuromuscular Syndrome. He discontinued both the Fluoxetine and Quetipine.

A few weeks later I was put back on 20 mg of Fluoxetine due to my mood swings and depressed mood during and before my period.

8 days into taking 20 mg of Fluoxetine, the same symptoms started developing, low grade fever, high heart rate, and muscle rigidity. I think it's important to note that before the muscle rigidity started I was in a highly elevated mood ( I described it to the doctor as feeling euphoric), that lasted a couple days till it turned into agitation and the muscle rigidity began.

My psychiatrist doesn't seem to believe this is serotonin syndrome nor malignant neuroleptic syndrome because my symptoms are not "severe" and I am not experiencing any mental disorientation or seizures.

I am a pharmacist, and I am very knowledgeable about all these medications. I can't seem to understand what is happening. Whether this is actually serotonin syndrome or malignant neuromuscular syndrome or even malignant catatonia due to the withdrawal of antipsychotic olanzapine or the withdrawal of gabapentin. But I'm thinking if it was withdrawal it wouldnt go away for weeks when I stopped Fuoxetine and Quetipine.

My psychiatrist wanted me to switch to another SSRI escitalopram, but at this point, I am refusing to even try SSRI because of the fear that this could actually be serotonin syndrome or Malignant Neuromuscular Syndrome.

He finally suggested I go on bupropion. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I am just wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything like this or anything related to this and can help me.

I’m trying to expand my social circle to more than my fp but I keep getting these intense red flags for minor things. I don’t know if it’s my trust issues or bpd but I made a couple new “friends” and we’re texting having good conversations.

However if I take a little while to respond over an hour they start saying “miss you” or “where’d you go” and “are you okay”. It’s making me feel on edge and it’s too much and too clingy for me when I barely know them!(texting for a few days or weeks) I also feel more anxious if they are men, which all my “friends” are male except one. I’ve had stalkers before in high school and been it really scared me so maybe that’s why I act like a scared weirdo?

I’m quick to block and reject people but I’m trying to work on that since I have no friends. My husband says I self sabotage and cut off people too quick and I’m trying not to do that again. I just get so many red flags when I’m trying to begin a friendship with a stranger and they think we are so much closer than we actually are, especially if it’s a man. (I feel more comfortable with women)

I can go hours without constantly texting and the “I miss you” “I hope your okay” every few hours just gives me hella bad red flags, makes me feel twisted in knots and anxious. I don’t feel it’s normal and I I like to be the clingy one in the relationship with my fp.

Is it just me being broken? Is it my borderline? Am I being crazy? Please be honest with me.

Me and my…well I guess ex bf both struggle from mental illnesses him it’s depression me it’s this but for the last month and a half his depression has been getting to him. I haven’t seen him three all that time. We kept making plans and he would cancel right before I left the house. I finally texted him tonight saying that I needed a break cause my life just revolves around waiting for him to text me cause I love him so much but it just hurt too bad. I miss him so much already I hoped he would be my forever. It hurts so fucking bad

BPD is one of the most misunderstood mental health disorders. What do you wish people knew?

I (m28) have been with my wife (f27) almost 6 years. I have bpd and bipolar type 2, she has bpd and is adhd.

When we started dating I put her on a pedestal, she could do no wrong even when she did so much wrong. It lasted for about a year and a half. She still has power over me but not like she used to. And with her, she doesn’t do FP’s. I don’t know if she has never had them but I was never one of them, when I have asked she says she outgrew it, it was something she doesn’t do anymore. It hurts to hear because I have done that for her and I’ve done things for her I would never do for anyone.

The real reason it hurts so much is because while I put her on a pedestal she invited her ex to be her friend a few months into our relationship, she put that’s ex’s feelings above mine. I was never important enough even when I was crying it was like I was nothing. This ex literally insulted her every time they would hang out and this ex would make me uncomfortable on purpose and act like she knew her the best and would brag about their makeout sessions. That wasn’t the first time. She put another ex’s feelings above mine that also said I was ugly, her dads feelings. (He sexually harassed me) and don’t get me started on her protecting all her toxic friends behaviors.

Are there other bpd people like this? I just wish I was with someone more like me.

My wife (f27) and I (m28)have been together for almost 6 years now.

For some background she got diagnosed with bpd when she was 17, I just got diagnosed with bpd last year, I was also diagnosed with bipolar type 2 when I was 19.

Anyway, we have had marriage problems for a while. We have broken up and gotten back together more times than I can count. This time I moved in with my sister and am trying to set me and my wife up with an apartment. Im not allowed to move back in her dads house, which is where we have lived our whole relationship together. It messed with me a little bit. My bpd symptoms are more in her face now. At first I was shaking because I wasn’t near her and I felt jealous everytime she would hang out with anyone that wasn’t me, I didn’t tell her at first because I was trying to be healthy, but I was calling 24/7, she didn’t mind it at all but I was starting to get aggressive and angry to the point I freaked out in the car and cried in front of her and freaked her out. I let her know I need to get control of my bpd so I need a little space; I just needed to call less and spend time with myself. She ended up giving me too much space to the point i feel like I almost never hear from her, she’s always hanging out with someone and she always struggled with being on her phone so she’s trying to give people attention so it’ll be hours to when she texts me back, it started really bugging me a day ago so I started getting passive aggressive. She ended up picking me up and trying to have me sleep over. Resentments from the past week or so kept coming up so we argued off and on until a big one came up and she said she was happier when I’m not around. It crushed me. Part of me sees why, another part of me wants to die. My bpd is bad, I know but she just was cruel. I never would say anything like that to her. Her bpd has lessened and she’s trying but it just hurt.

i need to SPEAK/SCREAM and maybe it's going to be big...

just to put it into context, i’ve had a very problematic life, with all types of possible abuse.

last year, i came to live with my boyfriend in another state (away from everyone i knew). i started college here and im doing really well... so well, to the point where i think there's something wrong with that:). with “being fine, happy, or anything good”

i’ve been in a depressive episode in the last few days. everything affects me and i cry, cry, cry. and i fought with my boyfriend and everything is terrible.

the day before the fight, we had a little disagreement cuz he slept a little too much. i tried to pretend that everything was fine to spare him my melancholy (while i was k— myself thinking that if my boyfriend sleeps, im not able to cheer myself up and i make the day suck).

the reason for the fight the next day: i felt like he thought everything was shit. (he certifies that this is NOT true.)

idk, idk what im doing to myself, idk how to talk, idk what to say to him. he doesn't know, he doesn't understand, he doesn't live it. (thank god!) and sincerely? i think that is okay. its not his obligation to deal with me when im like this. BUT I ALSO FREAK OUT for not having his attention.

i act like a child, i cry and cry, im ruining my life and his life. and i love him so much, hes the best =,) idk anymore.

im toxic, i was toxic when i said hes ruining my life (AND I REGRET IT) because its literally me doing it. and i really dont want that, no. IT HAPPENS.

i feel that i was born to be alone, nobody needs me as a problem. AND YES, IM THE FUCKING PROBLEM

IM SO SORRY. im literally falling to pieces. im feeling like everything is falling apart and i feel it all

i just want to hear experiences, advice, anything.

i dont have friends, and my english is also bad. fuck it, i just want to spread words. im already hurt in every way

:(:((:(:(;?;?;!;

I have a 17 yo son who has been in and out of the hospital for three years. I am a single mom and would literally die for my child, and he can't not hurt himself. He was recently diagnosed with BPD and I have honestly seen it coming for a very long time, and am now reevaluating our family mental health histroy with fresh eyes and seeing so many gigantic signs that we are all very sensitive and affected by very similar issues. Given that so much of this situation is out of my control, and having exhausted ALL of the resources available to me, I have filed a cps report on myself. I have not been able to prevent him from hurting himself and desperately need my baby to be safe- unfortunately he seems to be incapable of accepting responsibility for his actions and then makes choices that jeopardize the safety of the household. I have two other kids I need to be present for, and basically I'm just the lost desperate I've ever been for guidance.

Here's my question- if you had bpd as a young adult, what were the best things that your parents did to protect you? Also, what should i avoid doing or maybe does anyone have ideas how to help him understand that hes not alone?

He's my favorite person in the world and he hates me because I won't let him come home, but he has refused all forms of help from very beginning and its become a point of pride for him that he doesn't want help, he wants to be dead. We need help.

Hey y'all! I've just recently been diagnosed with BPD. First it was schizoaffective disorder, but then I went to a realllly experienced doctor with a phd and he diagnosed me almost immediately, we ran some tests and holy shit I've never understood myself better!

Anyways, I was prescribed Lamotrigine (which is basically Lamictal) and everything was amazing, my emotions were under control for the first time in ever i could feel like a normal person, but then I developed a rash on my hands and my gland was swollen :( I felt really disappointed and guilty (idek why) and, of course, had to stop taking ut immediately. Then my psych prescribed me Depakine and honestly, it didnt really do much for me, I scooped super low, self harm, hysterical crying and rage, almost broke up with my bf again, suicidal thought abd etc.

So I went to the psych again. I offered him to try a Lamotrigine rechallenge, which is when you try to get back on it again super slow, but he suggested not to risk it and changed it to Trileptal now (Oxcarbazepine). I'll be upping my dosage super slow. Not seeing any side effects yet, apart from the fact that im sleepy (but maybe that's also influenced by my period). But honestly, I felt very discouraged because everyone keeps saying that itwas so incredibly amazing and its the first drug that's always prescribed... I don't see that many positive reviews for Trileptal from thise with BPD. Has anyone here had a good dinamic on it? Does it make you lose libido?

And also, can my period cycle worsen my rage, sadness and autoagression? If yes, how do you deal with this?

P.S. does it get better/go away?

I've been going on a nymph rollercoaster bender and a guy just canceled on me. Why do we accept shitty love and lower our standards for dicks? I feel stuck

The last, yes I just get phone calls from a psychiatrist, and a new at each contact. The last just did the total opposite how you should meet and talk to some with borderline. My world just went to ashes and I haven't felt like that for years. Now my ward treats me with the silent treatment, like I'm...

I get emotional meltdowns or explode inwards.

It's a lot of triggers and I have very tough feelings and time. I have been trying to get in contact with psychiatric ED. No one has understood how I feel actually how bad everythingreally is. I'm bipolar too, now I'm better I had to adjust my meds myself. I know I will be told of next time.

My medical record is full of faults and inaccuracies. I have been trying to get them corrected, but nothing... I have the legal right to that. Just silent treatment what I get.

If someone reads it will think that my life is just a happy sunshine. When I try to get that corrected nobody listening. One thing is that they tried to put me on a medication that you should not give to someone that like, who has heart disease and a stroke. Or no clue of which and how many meds I have tried. One physiatrist told me, it exists meds that I don't have to feel.

A lot of just EIPS, no explanation just EIPS.

Yes, a lot of important health issues aren't there anymore, like that I had a stroke and heart disease. Theoretical speaking they can kill me. (Health care - Sweden today.)

I asked for an emergency appointment, I got appointment in September.

Now the last appointment, phone call, the psychiatrist hang up, because I couldn't hold me together. She just cut me off and just said that everything is fine the last three notes in the sunshine of medical records.

I'm looking for academic references that the one you meet, could be see as very high function but in reality the opposite.

Three years in DBT and two in MBT... Should say them something, but as before no one had read my medical records.

Now sort of, I have fall a part a lot lasts weeks. I have tried to get help and got nine. I will put all of what they need to now in a letter, with screenshots, medical text about, etc... I can't get the appointment that way a letter. Then I will report them for lack of... The hardest to let go when the psychiatrist laught at me, that I thought that I was so disabled

But it's more right to say low function. Here I have more difficulties then the share my flat with, that have autism 2. No one has asked me, about take showers, bruch my teeth, and what I actually eat, for years.

So information about the high and low functions side of borderline.

If you don't or have a problem to understand, please ask ❤️

Hi I am Bex Day, a photographer from London, diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago, now making a series to help educate people about what BPD truly is and reduce the stigma that surrounds it.

If you are based in London or can come to London for the portrait shoot please let me know. I'm hoping to make this work for mental health awareness week in May so would be great to be as soon as possible.

You can view my work here: www.bexday.com and my email is studio@bexday.com

My Instagram is www.instagram.com/bex\_day

Thank you!

Bex

Did anyone else lose the father when teenager and now as an adult can't keep a long relationship because of the abandon fear? Today on therapy I realized that I'm not capable of loving, I have this barrier that I hate so much. I'm so traumatized that I'm always escaping from people connection and so. It hurts I can't handle a relationship.

Como eu consigo me amar e acreditar que me amam se a mimha cabeça me diz o contrário É como se eu estivesse lutando contra uma pessoa dentro de mim Essa "pessoa/coisa da minha cabeça" sempre me leva a ficar ansiosa me dizendo coisas ruins sobre mim, sobre como eu sou um monstro e o pior disso tudo é que isso acontece com tanta frequência que eu sinto muita vontade de morrer ou me machucar o que me leva a ficar pior ou qie coisas piores aconteçam, mas não sei como parar é não só frustrante, mas triste

I don't feel like I need to be punished (I'm being punished enough). I need to express it.

None of my mental health issues were recognized when until my 30s. I got married at 21 (many reasons). Since it was my first real relationship, my family didn't think we would end up getting married. Many of them were divorced and/or had multiple relationships that were respected even when they were my age. I didn't know why mine wasn't.

When I sent out invitations, no one was allowed a plus one. Everyone who got an invitation was married or a single party. I was bitter, being a brat, and wanted to prove a point. No one could dissuade me either.

Problem was I thought my grandfather and his wife "Barb", whom I had known all my life although they lived far away from us, had recently gotten divorced. I didn't invite Barb because I thought it would cause drama and I had that rule. My mother did not let me live it down until I went low/no contact, which is not the biggest deal because I can bring up worse stuff she has done to shut her up. My wedding was almost 16 years ago, My grandfather has since passed but Barb was much younger than him and still has a lot of life left.

I've reached out via email, social media, and asked my family to relay the message that I am deeply sorry and that it's no excuse but I was mentally sick at the time. I misunderstood a lot and even if they had been divorced, it was wrong of me not to invite her. It was mean, inconsiderate, and very hurtful. She has never responded. I understand if she never forgives me but I struggle to make peace with it. Admitting it out loud might help.

There's something else I did as a kid that I might need to confess later but I have never brought it up in therapy (seriously thinking about thinking about it brings me to tears). Just in case there's another post like this.

Big triggers for me come out of nowhere and seem to happen right when I have a moment to breathe. They can knock me out for days. When the Key Bridge collapsed, I was bed bound for 2 days and 3 days almost like a zombie. This also happens if I have a bad menstrual flow (which happens maybe every 4 months).

There's lots of advice on how to get through an episode quicker and how maybe to mentally prepare for one, but what about physically and.... house-ily? Summer is especially tough because I have to take care of the yard constantly (clearing sticks and mowing are big ones). My wife has an hour and a half commute (used to be 45min-1hr but a certain cargo ship had to choose violence) so she can't do much more than she's doing.

Does anyone have preparations in place for crippling depressive episodes? I can brush my teeth and feed myself but I need to keep my animals fed/watered/litter cleaned and a few other chores just to survive the week. And like I said, my triggers come with big tasks that need to be done immediately (animal sick, major food spoilage, important travel, neighbor trouble, broken car/house, etc). We also cannot hire ppl a lot to do this stuff as we have no money, it's hard to trust anyone in my house, and cleaners have validated the previous statement.

One thing I do is have TV dinners in the freezer and protein/snack bars in the kitchen for my wife to grab.

Hi, i need your insights about this situation, i don't know where else to ask. The image is what she said to me, now I'm here. Post is kinda long because i need to state all the details.

For context:

I am 31F.

I have a friend, let's call her Ann. We've been friends since elementary, and now I'm 31 years old. Latter part of 2022, i was single and we've been talking a lot. At first just as old pals, but after a few months, i knew i was liking her more than a friend. Fast forward to early 2023, i moved on with my feelings bec i didn't want to take a risk and ruin our friendship. I didn't confess. And i made sure that my feelings were gone before i created a profile in dating apps.

Fast forward to late 2023, i talked to this girl and we have mutual feelings for each other. She's now my current gf. Let's call her Joey. She is diagnosed with BPD and MDD and taking meds, if this matters. Before Joey and I got official, i opened to her about my previous relationships including the thing with Ann.

Situation:

Early 2024, it's been almost a year that Ann and I didn't talk. She's also in a relationship now. We decided to catch up and meet. Original plan was to meet in a bar, but something came up with her and she can't leave the house, and so we agreed that we'll just hang out on her house. Fyi, she's staying with her family and not living alone.

I wasn't able to update my gf right away on the sudden change of plans bec it was last minute and i was already driving otw to Ann's place. Joey called while i was driving and told her that very moment that there were sudden change of plans we're just gonna hang out on my friend's place. I was Waze-reliant bec i easily get lost and I was oversharing and told Joey that i tried to remember my friend's house to test my sense of direction. (Yup i need to include this small matter in the story)

Gf felt jealous. I reassured her that nothing is going on. My friend and I were just updating each other on our lives. Actually, the whole meetup was me sharing about my new relationship with Joey, bragging my gf to her and all. Also, I am not that type of person who would cheat on anyone. I thought the issue was over and done, but now she's bringing the issue back.

Issue #1:

Am i wrong to meet up at Ann's place knowing that i previously liked her, but not anymore. Like zero feelings. I moved on. I didn't even confess, we didn't have a thing, even a situationship.

Joey said that Ann was so special for me to go to her house, that i did such effort for my friend. And that i didn't even consider thinking it would hurt her. Also mad that i didn't update her on the sudden change of plans.

Issue #2:

Joey says, for someone who is Waze-reliant, she feels that Ann was so special for me to go to her house and memorized the directions going to her place. (When in fact, i told her i do this to everyone when i am testing my sense of direction, no joke)

I put myself in her situation. I know that if this happened to me i would be understanding. Yes i might feel jealous but i would trust my gf that she won't do anything wrong. I also know my worth that if ever i would be cheated on, it's their loss.

I am starting to question myself, because in my POV i didn't do anything wrong. I apologized to my gf abt what i did that made her feel hurt and reassured her that she's just a friend. But it seems like she can't move past this because she brought it up again. And she says that she won't even think about meeting up with someone she had feelings before. But in my situation, it's different. Ann was my friend even before I knew Joey. And i know myself enough that i won't engage in cheating.

AM I REALLY WRONG WITH WHAT I DID?? Send halp. Thank you.

Myself (21F) and my partner (20F) have been together for a little over 2 years, she very likely has BPD but has never been diagnosed (her mum has BPD and she exhibits pretty much every textbook trait from the research I’ve done). I recently decided that I wanted to be an English teacher and have applied to do a TEFL certification with The Fewer Things (not an ad just for reference if folks want to look into it), but basically I will be going to Thailand to teach English for about 5 months. This has been established for a while and she has been aware that this is something I really want and need to do, and obviously we’ve discussed missing each other and that she didn’t really want me to go for so long, which I figured was totally reasonable (and is of course), but last night she had a big breakdown over being really scared about me going for so long, and now I’m quite worried about leaving. I’ve already put down half the course fee, I originally arranged to go in October but I easily could move this to May and very likely will.

There’s a Lot More context to all of this that I’ll explain in comment replies if necessary. We’ve talked more today and she’s doing much better, understands why I need to go and that she just wanted it to be on more mutual terms, which is why I’m now going in May instead of October. I just wanted to ask for a little advice on how to help us deal with being long distance for so long, if anyone has similar experiences that would be much appreciated!!

TLDR: long distance advice for someone going away for five months w a long term partner with undiagnosed but very likely BPD

I’m 26 F and I just started seeing a guy who is 31 M. So far, everything is great and feels much more even and much less intense than other times I’ve started dating someone. I don’t feel like I’m glued to my phone waiting for him to text me and I feel like giving it space actually helps me to feel reassured that it’s going well. I’m trying to focus more on how it makes me feel rather than looping about how he might feel/if he might not as into me as I am into him. It feels like it’s working and I’m proud of myself for changing my approach. My question is does anyone have advice for taking it slow? I know that this is just the nature of dating, but I find the not knowing part really uneasy, and because of that I end up skipping the steps and emotionally investing in people before I really know if we’re compatible.

I really needed to talk about everything I’ve been going through with my boyfriend and his depression. I needed reassurance or at least an answer if people with bpd can love. I did all this journaling all this work and I’m upset I feel like my therapy was taken from me. I did the work I did good I arranged a ride cause I don’t drive and I’m just so frustrated. She pushed my therapy to the 30th because she’s going on vacation AGAIN SHE WAS JUST GONE LAST MONTH.

She’s a really good psych I only get 2 more visits I just needed to vent

So when I was driving to work I thought about imaginary scenario. I've started to think about one of my family member's death and I've got so caught up in it that I literally felt the emotions tearing me apart like it was actually happening. Is it normal for person with borderline? It's not the first time that I feel like this about imaginary scenario. E.g. when I was writing a book, I also felt like every thing was so real.

My bf (28m) has been going through a depressive episode for the last month causing me to not see him in a month. He doesn’t like to call and he doesn’t text much anymore. I’ve been trying to be supportive and give him space but he stoped saying he loves me back. I texted it one more time tonight just to see if maybe he would but no. Honestly I feel like I’ve gone past the abandonment stage with him to the point that I have moved on. However I don’t want to break us up because when he gets back into a stable head space he’s the most understanding person I’ve ever ment. Idk what to do.

Hello everyone,

I come here to this platform because it’s the only place I get good advice from people who understand my situation.

I just previously got out of an almost 2 year relationship with my ex boyfriend. We would argue a lot, and lately he has been doing things I was uncomfortable with. He has a lot of anger issues and has put his hands on me before. We decided to take a break to “work on ourselves.” I asked him what working on himself entailed and he told me “Going to the gym, hanging out with friends, and going to school.” (Things he has been doing while in our relationship). I asked him about therapy. He acted clueless and said he didn’t want to go. I tried to push him but I know he’s not going to. I asked if he was going to see other people, he said no, but I don’t believe that. If he does, what was the point in all of this? How was seeing someone else working on himself?? He also told him family “everything”. (Which included all the stuff I did, but no mention about his behavior.) Meanwhile I have been trying to work on myself, my trust issues, and my BPD while also signing up for therapy. (I haven’t been able to in years because I had no health care.)

My attachment issues to him are horrible. I relied on him for everything. I lost my mom recently and I lost my dad at a young age. I look at my ex boyfriend as a parental figure. (I don’t know if that’s bad, or if I attached myself too much). I want to get back with him eventually, but I don’t know if he’s actually working on himself, or seeing other people. Should I completely cut him out of my life? Does he really love me if he did all these things to hurt me? I’m confused and stressed out. Please help