Hello everyone. English is not my first language so i do apologise for any grammatical errors. My brother was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (he is 24) and was given medication for it. Before he was given the medication, he was very angry all the time and had no empathy for others. Now as he has started the medication, he is a good person most times and has even started taking me and my mom into consideration for small things which he never did previously. The only problem is, on certain nights he goes absolutely crazy, to the point where me and my mother sometimes fear for our safely. Thankfully nothing has happened and we hope it stays that way. I spoke to a friend and she said what he is having are called “episodes”. During these “episodes”, he calls his ex-girlfriends to harass them, has attempted to show up at a family member’s house (who he has problems with) to fight, and is overly aggressive especially with my mother. When he is harassing his exes, I try to speak with him and make him see that what he is doing is wrong but it is like he cannot understand. After his “episodes”, he falls asleep and wakes up the next morning as if nothing happened and goes back to being my regular happy brother. Me and my mom have planned to speak to his psychiatrist regarding his medication and what could possibly be causing these mood swings. We have spoken to him about this and he sees nothing wrong with it which is why we are going to be speaking to the psychiatrist. We have exhausted all options and are worries for his safety and possibly others. If anyone has gone through anything similar with a partner or family member please give advise, it would be appreciated. Thank you all who have taken the time to read this.

Hey guys, my gf has bpd and we were together for 1.5 years. Yesterday she woke up from a nap and overslept a workplace Christmas Party. I came from University that day and let her sleep. She didn't ask me to wake her up or sth and Also mentioned that Christmas Party like 2 Times a Week before. She woke up angry and asked why i didn't wake her up. I told her I am Not her personal calendar or alarm clock and that she could have just Set an alarm clock on her iphone.

Well then she shouted that I have to leave now. And to give her her 2. Keys for her apartment. I didn't know what to do because talking to her felt impossible at that moment so I went Home.

On my way she Texted me that she is breaking up with me and since then she's ghosting me. I'm very overwhelmed because that came out of nowhere. We did have Fights in the past but the last weeks were full of love and future talking and then she wakes up and Breaks up with me?

I think that she maybe didn't even think about the concequences and didn't mean it and was just very angry or in an episode. I don't know what to do now because I don't want her to sabotage herself. I had in fact a very positive impact in her life, her Well being and personality. Right now I don't know if she is ever coming back or if there is anything I can do.

Does anyone have advice?

I don't know if it related to BDP or more my depression but...

when I get stressed out I get into obsessive suicidal thinking. it's my first thought in the morning and my last before going to sleep. throughout the day part of my brain is imagining of self harm, I look at every sharp object around and have these intense waves of desire to hurt myself. I can have a conversation with a colleague and have to mind what I am saying because at any time I could start screaming that I want to end myself. I used to self harm to control my emotions so doing that at least had a purpose I can understand and rationalize. but now I am just in a low mood and I would like to hurt myself to feel something at best.

how do you cope with your fear of abandonment? how do you cope with attachment problems? i really need your help. please share your experiences with me. but maybe it's more than that:

there is someone who has been in my life for 2 years. but our relationship situation is quite complicated. we are having a distance relationship. i like him. he likes me too. however, these are not enough things for a relationship. maybe that's what I needed. not a relationship. i liked him a lot. I felt his support. emotionally, we had feelings for each other. but we've argued many times, and we've even come to the level of getting out of each other's lives. despite this, we continued to be in each other's lives. even though we have argued many times. we were able to get to today, but while I can live more emotionally intense, I want him very much, he doesn't want things as much as I do. I tried to face myself many times, to understand and make sense of the situation, everything that happened. and it hurt a lot. and it's still. I'm so decrepit about what happened between us. sometimes when I can think very maturely and calmly, sometimes I can't get over thinking that I'm over it. i know I'm unhappy. that one day we will get out of each other's lives, that we will not be able to have a relationship in a real sense. i've always been on edge about what's going on between us. continuing to be in each other's lives will not change his determination about some issues. so I'm the one who's suffering at this point. but I like his presence in my life. although I like his presence in my life, he never fully satisfies me. I can't figure out where I should put him in my life. because I'm also suffering from what's the thing between us. but I continue to be with him. and I am very sensitive and sensitive to abandonment. even though I know I'm unhappy, I can't put an end to this cycle. I ignored some things just to be with him. maybe I'm still doing this. please help. if you want to listen and understand, I can elaborate more

I had a serious mental breakdown just now. Someone sent me like a guy to buy something from, honestly I think it was a scam, but it really distracted me. I was about fall back into a bad habit but I didn’t, so I’m grateful. I still want to write here just to get it off my chest.

I had a fight with my mum. She was mean, I was mean back but it’s was still not too deep. Then she send me a message that I maybe should move out so that pissed me off, since where actually over that kind of stuff. I did a clinic thing for like 3 months where she moved back into our old apartment, where I previously lived alone for 2 years. So it was hard adjusting, but I thought it’ll be fine.

I had a few panic attacks in the beginning since I was really overwhelmed with her and my brother on a daily basis. But it got better I thought. After she said the thing about moving out, we talked a little bit it was like talking to a wall. She said I’m always spinning things and misunderstanding, but I don’t think so, since I’ve been in therapy I tried to focus more on “what u did made me feel this type a way” instead of “you did this wrong” but idk she doesn’t seems to understand where I’m coming from, or she doesn’t want to.

It’s just so hard to stay balanced during our talks, cause one way or the other she always get me emotional. So she said something I thought was really mean. For context, I had an internship and I got declined after it. My friends mother works there as well. I had a really hard time about it and cried the whole day. My mom often breaks my trust but she said she’s gonna do better now. Then my friend told me she heard about how bad I was feeling. I talked to my mother about it and she said she just wanted to help me and that she just asked her if I should sent another email for a second interview. But when I read the chat she sent a screenshot of the cancellation. She also told her I was really sad and cried the whole day.

It came up again in our fight and she said I’m really ungrateful. I said I don’t think she had bad intentions and I appreciate her trying to help but she knows me well enough to know I’m pretty private about my feelings since I have a hard time expressing them and it’s nice that she texted her but it wasn’t necessary to tell her about me crying. She got really mad and said that I’m almost 22 and still don’t get anything right or can’t do anything alone and she just tried to help but she won’t anymore. She will never help me again and bla bla. She knows it’s a sore topic. I didn’t do anything cause I have depression and bpd, I was really struggling these last years. But I’m trying to get back on my feet and do something. And yes she helps but she also brings me down a lot. Discouraging me often, being mad at me about it often, telling me I’m wasting time. Always pointing out I did nothing for three years. And at least once a day she says how I’m just home and doing nothing the whole day, like I want to do that….

I just really needed to get this out sorry. I don’t know if I really wanna hear who’s wrong or right or if I’m just venting, but feel free to just leave an opinion if u have one. But please be nice, I’m still kind of sad and crying from before. Sorry for any mistakes too, English is not my first language.

after reading all of your guy’s comments i had a moment where she and i sat down together i asked her if she wanted to get any form of help from a therapist and she refused to do so after a long argument we both agreed it was better for us to split apart i thank everyone of you for helping me out in this

Hi everyone

I’m reaching out to share a quick survey I’ve created as part of an academic project I’m working on. I have BPD myself, and I’m developing an app to support individuals like us in managing our symptoms and improving daily life.

If you have BPD or a loved one who does, I’d really appreciate it if you could take a few minutes to fill out one of the forms.

Patients' loved ones Survey : https://forms.gle/VZqGbq97VHjQfdnC8

Patients Survey : https://forms.gle/JKQP8KSUs7epZFUNA

Your input is incredibly valuable. Thank you for your support!

aight so me and my girl have broken up a few times cause she got borderline and she dont know what to feel and that kinda stuff i personally cannot take any of that longer so my brain is saying cut things off but my heart still wants to be with her every second of the day. i just love her so much and i tell her that everyday but like once a month she just says she doesnt love me anymore and that she wants to breakup and then the next morning she want to get back together again and i just have no clue what i should do

I believe I have both. But there's a lot of overlap and it makes me wonde. For example, is my C-PTSD more severe because I had borderline and I saw my father as a good or totally bad and dangerous person? Do I people please because of quiet borderline or because of traumas around when I was 8-9 years old. I know that borderline stems from trauma as well and that I am emotionally like 4 year old kid. It's very difficult for me to understand myself since suffering from C-PTSD, BPD and treatment resistant bipolar 2. Any thoughts?

I got diagnosed with bpd (36f) but I have bouts of fu like pain and can barely work. Is anyone else feeling this. Is there a correlation? I’m seeing some things online but it’s more helpful to see if anyone has it

hi my name is mary, im 18.. im here to try and find a boyfriend/fp because im very tired of being lonely and i would really like to be taken care of. if you are interested in a girl who has so many things wrong with her & is very broken and obsessive then i am your best option 😊 !!🤍 i like to think that i am a kind girl and can be sweet to a partner, i dont care if you are trans or cisgender, i just want to be loved by someone. we can get to know each other first before any sort of relationship but i would like for it to lead to a codependency… i need someone who will need me as much as i need them. i have bpd, autism, clinical depression, cptsd, and some other things wrong with me.. we can get more into that once we talk and get to know each other more. i would like to know everything about you at some point and for you to know everything about me… i want this to be a forever thing too. i have some specific needs that are a bit personal that i’ll only share once getting to know you more but aside from that you can even abuse me if you want, id like to be controlled too and wanted and fantasized about, i want to be thought about and loved… its all ive ever wanted. i dream day & night about being loved and obsessed over by someone in the same way that i do for them.. im so tired of begging to be loved. so if you’re interested, please DM me 🤍 thank you for reading (´꒳`)

today, i came across a post that said exactly, “date a borderline and live intensely.” i read all 200 comments, and i swear, not one of them was positive. arE we really the worst people in the world? its getting harder and harder to believe that we have any chance.

last night, my greatest love and life companion, the person who has explored my good side the most (and consequently, my worst side too), told me that he cant stand me anymore and never wants to have contact with me again. he said he doesnt love me anymore. he said i only do harm to him, and he seems determined in his words. i broke, im crying like a baby—not because i want any harm to come to him, but because i cant even argue with him because my recent actions were simply disgusting, a classic me ?.

im crying because, at the same time, theres a part of me that screams emptiness, and i honestly dont know how I’ll ever live with this. u know, i wish i had had a normal life, i wish my parents had given me some affection, i wish they had been parents like other parents are.i feel morbid. i dont know if I’ve ever received affection and thought i truly deserved it, except during sex, where i feel like i did something, was useful, deserved it. i never wanted to cause this to anyone, but with each passing day, i feel like im becoming a worse human being, and i just want to isolate myself for the rest of my life.

next week is my first psychiatric consultation, and i dont know how im going to say all the words that are inside of me. i dont know how I’ll leave that appointment after hearing all the pathetic things i have to say about myself. i feel like shit and drug, i’ve never had a sweet life. lets just say everything has always been bitter, from the scenes i witnessed, the abuse, the lack of money, and the constant neglect. i dontt know who i am anymore. i cant see a single good trait in myself anymore. im completely a faceless face. i dont know how I’ll live from today on, but im paying for an expensive consultation (i never had the means for this, not even in my dreams) with a psychiatrist who must be good, and my dream is that he simply gives me medication that will make me forget what its like to be alive. for most of the time, i thought this was part of me, that if i didnt live with my emotions, i wouldn’t be anything. today, i realize that im incapable of being myself e need be another one OR I WILL DESTROY EVERYONES LIFE, include mine, and i care for them. i hate myself so much, and i cant live with the consciousness that i am completely a piece of trash, just like my mother who gave birth to me, put me in a world that is already hard enough, and took out all her frustrations on a 5-year-old girl who was learning to read and write but was seen as a burden, “useless” like she screaming and if you know pt br you knew that “sem serventia” is much more intense good morning, im the one who caused all of this ill die alone

My BPD ex boyfriend asked me to talk in person. What to do?

We broke up 2 months ago, and we kept as friends. I don't have feelings for him anymore, but I genuinely worry and care about him because I know how BPD is suffering. I was just trying to be a supportive friend.

He asked me not to get distant bcz he tends to push ppl away from him. But many times when I sent him message asking how he was doing, if he was ok, he was very rude to me.

Even when he was rude, I kept being kind and shows him I understand he has bad days and mood variations.

He apologized today and said that he loves and hates me, don't know what to do and he is suffering a lot when he thinks I moved on fast.

Now he wants to meet in person to talk. What should I do?

(I have 0 intention of going back to the relationship, I just wanna help a friend. I asked him to talk to his phycologist to see what I can do to help him but he refused)

20 years old, yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me, we lived together, we had been together for 3 years, according to him, he was feeling suffocated, feeling like my hostage, I understand why, I have borderline personality disorder, everything for me is 8 or 80, I wanted to understand why he had broken up with me, I didn't get answers until then, so I moved to the train station and walked to the tracks, I was waiting for the train to pass but I just blocked, I was afraid of the stranger, of death, he called me to go back to my Grandma, I said what I was doing and he went to pick me up, then at home he told me that he broke up exactly because of that, he can't have my life in his hands, and again I understand, even begging him to stay, he called my stepfather and I was taken, I told everyone that I need and want to be hospitalized, if not I won't get over it, I'll try to kill myself again, I don't have the strength to live, my treatments are not working, neither medicines nor therapy, when I was taken my ex now talked to me once again on WhatsApp, He said he loved me very much and this was the worst decision of his life, but that he needs to meet, he said that we can still be friends, because we are still best friends of each other, I agreed, but I know that I will not stop seeing him as my boyfriend, I know that I will freak out if I know that he fell in love again with someone else, he said that he will feel the same things, but with me, I know I would try with me again, that's why I want to be hospitalized, I asked if it was wrong to feed us hope to come back and he said That no, but that I first needed to understand the pain he feels when I try against my life and that he can't live like that, only I really understanding this we could reconnect in the future, but that now he can't wait for me, because he must also be found.

I believe I have been diagnosed with a borderline disorder, but I am not sure. I went with my mother to see a gentleman who was reviewing some of my documents, and he said the words: "your child does not exceed the borderline percentage threshold, so we cannot consider them disabled" (disabled in an educational context). So now I wonder if this person was referring to borderline disorder or something else. I cannot call my mother or the gentleman who reviewed the documents. I have done some research on ChatGPT, and it reflects many of my behaviours, but I don't know if I can trust a website. I will be seeing a psychologist next month, and perhaps I can ask them.

(Sorry if there are any mistakes; English is not my first language.)

What are the traits and 'symptoms' that you really like about yourself? I would love to hear it!

Why do I always end up in situations with the worst people??? They treat me so coldly and horribly and this guy said he wanted to meet up and then cancelled which is already triggering and didn’t make new plans and then when I said can we meet up he said that I hadn’t proved that I couldn’t freak out so we couldn’t meet up. I know I have attachment issues and bpd but is this a bad way to treat someone? Do I deserve it? He made my anxiety spike so much and for me to split so much and had so many red flags and I don’t want him back I just want to understand why me? Why does this keep happening and why do I develop such attachments to people who are only trying to hurt me. He treated me so badly and then said “I really fucking liked you” like that makes it okay??? And he refused to listen or communicate with me but because I already feel insecure enough I just accepted it even though I knew it felt bad and wouldn’t be right for me.

I had this horrible experience last week where there was a guy I’d been talking to who i initially matched with on bumble last year I never met up with but we had this intense connection and he said “I’d never connection with anyone as quickly as you” but when I reached out again I noticed that there were a lot of red flags, and I noticed my anxiety immediately spiked with him, but I ignored my gut and he ended up blocking me because I wanted to talk and he wanted space and I feel somewhat relieved because I don’t think he was a good person for me and I feel happy we didn’t meet up and I don’t want him back or anything, but it hurts me that he blocked me and hasn’t reached out, and it hurts me that I’m still so susceptible to these types even though I want real love! And I know and they know they can’t provide me with the connection I need, so why do they like me?

Hello! I’m a 23f. I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar for 4 years. To make a super long story brief, I recently opened up to my therapist about some really complex feelings and behaviors I have and she asked me to tell my psychiatrist these behaviors because she found them really concerning. So I did and my psychiatrist spent multiple weekly sessions asking me questions, doing assessments, he even asked to and did speak with my therapist and my parents. Basically, he thinks I have borderline personality disorder and not bi polar disorder and that bi polar was a miss diagnosis. My therapist said we have to begin a new modality for therapy with this new information. Basically I’m just confused. Is this normal in anybody else’s experience to be miss diagnosed like this? I’ve spent years identifying with Bi Polar disorder and now all of a sudden my entire treatment plan has changed and it feels really overwhelming. I guess I’m just looking for support and to not feel so put out and weird.

I wondered till when events can have an impact my mental health and for example cause bpd? I’m currently 18 and I was in a very abusive and toxic relationship with a girl (who probably had bpd too) from 16-17 in 2022/2023 (for one year). I’m together with my now gf since last October and she mentioned a few things. Apparently my symptoms (getting mad at everything and everyone, acting more careless, kinda starting to get physical like digging my nails into her when she’s too close and bothering me etc., constantly wanna hurt myself and caring less if I do, ALWAYS in a bad mood no matter when or where, and so on…) got a lot worse the past year and I myself noticed a lot of toxic behavior on my side that seem some of my ex’s very similar. I argued it’s just my autism (undiagnosed but very much likely I have it) but she really thinks I have bpd. For more context my parents were fighting a lot when I was younger till like a few years ago, they were verbally and sometimes physically abusive, I was SA’d a few times from age 9-12. And growing up I just had a lot of anger issues, barely had friends and got in a lot of trouble. That’s about it and more than I actually wanted to say, but idk maybe someone of you can give me more insight of what’s going on with me. Thanks in advance already :)

He knows he's my fp and he's getting away with treating me really horribly. Meanwhile, I can't really do anything about it and take it like a loyal pet because not hearing from him leaves me rotting in the bed for a day.

it's that bad. it's honestly the worst I've felt. what can i do?

As someone who experienced the depth of borderline episodes- splitting, issues with bas coping mechanisms, dissociation, attachment issues, self-harm - I have managed to control the worst outbursts of this disorder and keep myself in line.

I understand borderline has something to do with the way your brain is wired, and I struggle to move past beyond what I call the "management phase". I am almost a socially acceptable person tho very depressed overall. I still experience waves of idealisation and devaluation towards others. My therapist said that stress (especially work related stress) is the root cause that makes me retreat back into basic emotions, dissociation and paranoia. When I was going batshit crazy I had these intense waves of joy and excitement for people but also small things, but because I was also constantly in crisis mode, splitting and stuff I kind of shut down everything. Joy and excitement disappeared and all I can experience now is frustration. of course this allows me to have a normal life, but I feel so disconnected.

I struggle to trust people and I don't have a support system. The worst thing I can try to do is try to feel my feelings in body. I get anxious by the waves of emotions when I try to meditate. I just hate my body and hate to be in my skin, and of course I don't do anything anymore to actively harm myself but it's like a trap.

I wanted to ask if someone who is high functioning has had any experience with physical activity as a way to manage stress and dissociation. I am not a sporty or outdoorsy person but I read that people with borderline are in perennial fight of flight mode and physical activity helps for emotional regulation. People suggested me to try yoga, and I did but I am never consistent. Plus I find yoga boring.

So my question is if there are real benefit for people with this disorder in engaging with sports or physical activity. What helped what not what are the signs I should be looking for recognising some progress. I am very depressed so some days apart from working I can barely make myself leave my bed, but maybe if I can hear from people like me that this works I can find some motivation.

I have bipolar and borderline, but I feel like this comes more with the borderline with my attachment issues. They’re extremely bad and I don’t know what to do about them with my boyfriend i’m with him every day and every second almost but lately he has work and I can’t see him as much as I used to and I sit and cry or I freak out about it and ended up getting mad. I’m just very sensitive anything could set me off and I feel really bad because my boyfriend is the sweetest. I just need help adjusting my attachment issues because I feel like they’re scaring him away.

She'd been talking to me less and less for a while. When we were together, she seemed tormented. When we weren't together, she couldn't stand the solitude and silence. Then a few days ago she started hardly speaking to me, but she still told me she loved me and wanted to stay with me. But yesterday she suddenly told me she was leaving me. She told me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore, that she wanted me to leave her alone and that she just wanted to know when she could pick up her things from my place. The reason she gave was that she wanted her peace back. It's extremely violent, I don't recognize her. We'd been together for almost a year, and she told me every day that I was all she could think about, that she loved me more than anything. She cried every time I felt down. And now she has no empathy. She doesn't even ask me how I'm doing, my messages don't mean a thing to her. She just asked me to leave her alone. Which I do, but I'm shattered into a million pieces.

What does it all mean? Does she really want to leave? Did she really mean all that? Please, I need help...

i dont even know if i have bpd but this feels like bpd or maybe something else is happening but i just need to get this off my chest I have one person im attatched to really much wnd its been growing more and more and they helped me through my last horrible anxiety ridden whatever you call the week i had and they have helped me so much and now im obsessed a little bit with them but its just in a way where like i cant stop thinking about them and i just wait by the phone for them to text me (theyre online too so i cant see them in person so the like anxiety grows when they dont text for a long time) and im freaking out cause i was trying to communicate how i was feeling with them and i think i scared them away cause i said i need to be more distant due to the fact that im constantly texting them and that has to be very stressful for them and i crave their attention so so bad and they just responded with "oh" and then i was like fuckk i didnt mean it like that i just knew i was being evil clingy so i was trying to backpedal and then they were sayibg they didnt know it was that way and im just panicking because i hurt the one person i cared about and i think im freaking out like my mind is racing

I found out she died today and I have been crying all morning.

I stumbled across her channel when I was in the throws of my eating disorder and I became obsessing with "My Eating Disorder Story" videos. Her channel was my first introduction to BPD and self harm pride. At the time of discovery I had not yet self harmed or was I diagnosed with BPD. I stopped watching YouTube but I always checked on to make sure she was alright. Her videos were such a light and I loved how honest she was. Even when I felt my sickest I had her to say you know what it gets better. I assumed she quit YouTube that's why she had not posted in while but as it turns out she died.

I have been crying nonstop. I have been stable for the past two months and usually news like this would trigger me. Because if anything I always thought that she could do it. If anyone could beat BPD it would have been heard. I am just so heartbroken that this illness has taken someone else. She fought so well and bravely, I just hope she's at peace now.

I feel like I owe it to her to try. She went through so much with the disorder. I just feel like I can do it. If not for me then I can at least try for her.

I have no one to talk about this with who would understand.

Sleep in peace Marie. Cheers <3

Im feeling super off and then i went off my meds and im feeling worse, im not diagnosed with anything but anxiety and depression, im 19, will i be able to get a bpd diagnosis if i have it or will they call it hormones? I take birth control for hormones so i dont wven know what this is but ive been actually crazy ive had horrible suicidal ideation and i just wanna sleep forever but i cant stop checking my phone to see if the people who care for me are answering but i know they dont i know noone cares it just is consuming my every thought

today during my class i started to cry cause i realized that i have COMPLETELY ruined my life in a succession of decisions i made and theres no way to go back, im crying desperately i feel like im nothing just floating and i dont know how to end everything in the best way possible. i just want everyone to be okay (i dont have the courage to message anyone), i dont want to ruin anyone elses life (i havent spoken to my family in months, my boyfriend couldnt take it anymore, and not even the only people who welcomed me in this new city, they dont deserve any of this), but i simply cant bear living mine anymore. I JUST ENDED EVERYTHING FOREVR I ENDED

Tw tw tw I needed to vent to someone or something or whatever without any guilt or stress that someone would read this that I know.

Im getting worse again. I really thought after getting diagnosed with autism and looking for new therapy would help me. I really though for a split second I could do it.

Hi, I'm 22f living in belgium. My mental health sucked from a vert young age. They told me at 13yo that I have a depression & ptsd. I also did my first s. Attempt. I don't wanna trauma dump or whatever about my past. But my past really sucked to say the least.

My mom is an alcohol addict. Most people/doctor told me that she has symptoms of narcissist. (BTW my english sucks so pls be nice , im also in & out panic sooo idfc about spelling rn) She also has her bagage and ptsd & depression. I still live at home most of the days. 2 weeks ago she did her 4th attempt. Its the 3th time I found her & her Letter. The first 4days she was really mad for saying her. She gave me the blame that she wanted to die. She wanted to throw me out and stuff. Now everything calmed down. Since then im very restless. I can't just rest or sleep for too long or I need to do something. To stop overthinking. My health isn't also great the last months. So I stopped eating healthy. I'm very insecure on my appereance and just as a person. I already was that but since my mom & being sick... it's worse... i almost cry everytime looking in the mirror. I stop doing my makeup or selfcare. I don't wanna take care of myself anymore. Now i had a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn't really a fight..it was me being mad & left the chat. I have borderline and lots of other mental health issues. I'm a people pleaser. I would die and do it all over for them. But I wouldn't ask them to do something for me. I would be hurt if i don't feel apreciated tho. I'm almost 1year with my bf. I'm very busy with his present. I'm thinking about him always. I would do anything to make his life easier or better. I would even leave if that would make him happier. But I hope things he would do...but he doesn't. I do alot of things that I really hope he would do too for me. But I would never ask. I think im not worthy enough as a human being for asking something.

I dont have many friends...but the ones i do have... i treasure them. They are important to me. They are giving a birthdayparty soon. But my bf met all of the people that are coming so i suggwsted to meet for a gamenight so the party would be easier... he was panicking and felt like i was ruining things or he wasn't interested. I tried & did alot of things when meeting his friends or family...but I feel like...he doesn't. That my friends... me or just my life isn't as important...as his/him... So I stopped texting him & said I will text him once I'm not mad anymore. That i will cancel game night and go alone to the party. And now we are few hours after... no respond... and i went walking for hours so i maybe lose abit weight while being angry until my phone died Im really thinking about ending my life. Because i prob will be dumped anyway soon. I always fuck up bcs of my stupid bpd... i failed as a daughter , friend and lover so why would I even try? I prob will sh myself after being clean for a few months. Just needed to vent...thats all :)