What are the traits and 'symptoms' that you really like about yourself? I would love to hear it!

Why do I always end up in situations with the worst people??? They treat me so coldly and horribly and this guy said he wanted to meet up and then cancelled which is already triggering and didn’t make new plans and then when I said can we meet up he said that I hadn’t proved that I couldn’t freak out so we couldn’t meet up. I know I have attachment issues and bpd but is this a bad way to treat someone? Do I deserve it? He made my anxiety spike so much and for me to split so much and had so many red flags and I don’t want him back I just want to understand why me? Why does this keep happening and why do I develop such attachments to people who are only trying to hurt me. He treated me so badly and then said “I really fucking liked you” like that makes it okay??? And he refused to listen or communicate with me but because I already feel insecure enough I just accepted it even though I knew it felt bad and wouldn’t be right for me.

I had this horrible experience last week where there was a guy I’d been talking to who i initially matched with on bumble last year I never met up with but we had this intense connection and he said “I’d never connection with anyone as quickly as you” but when I reached out again I noticed that there were a lot of red flags, and I noticed my anxiety immediately spiked with him, but I ignored my gut and he ended up blocking me because I wanted to talk and he wanted space and I feel somewhat relieved because I don’t think he was a good person for me and I feel happy we didn’t meet up and I don’t want him back or anything, but it hurts me that he blocked me and hasn’t reached out, and it hurts me that I’m still so susceptible to these types even though I want real love! And I know and they know they can’t provide me with the connection I need, so why do they like me?

Hello! I’m a 23f. I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar for 4 years. To make a super long story brief, I recently opened up to my therapist about some really complex feelings and behaviors I have and she asked me to tell my psychiatrist these behaviors because she found them really concerning. So I did and my psychiatrist spent multiple weekly sessions asking me questions, doing assessments, he even asked to and did speak with my therapist and my parents. Basically, he thinks I have borderline personality disorder and not bi polar disorder and that bi polar was a miss diagnosis. My therapist said we have to begin a new modality for therapy with this new information. Basically I’m just confused. Is this normal in anybody else’s experience to be miss diagnosed like this? I’ve spent years identifying with Bi Polar disorder and now all of a sudden my entire treatment plan has changed and it feels really overwhelming. I guess I’m just looking for support and to not feel so put out and weird.

I wondered till when events can have an impact my mental health and for example cause bpd? I’m currently 18 and I was in a very abusive and toxic relationship with a girl (who probably had bpd too) from 16-17 in 2022/2023 (for one year). I’m together with my now gf since last October and she mentioned a few things. Apparently my symptoms (getting mad at everything and everyone, acting more careless, kinda starting to get physical like digging my nails into her when she’s too close and bothering me etc., constantly wanna hurt myself and caring less if I do, ALWAYS in a bad mood no matter when or where, and so on…) got a lot worse the past year and I myself noticed a lot of toxic behavior on my side that seem some of my ex’s very similar. I argued it’s just my autism (undiagnosed but very much likely I have it) but she really thinks I have bpd. For more context my parents were fighting a lot when I was younger till like a few years ago, they were verbally and sometimes physically abusive, I was SA’d a few times from age 9-12. And growing up I just had a lot of anger issues, barely had friends and got in a lot of trouble. That’s about it and more than I actually wanted to say, but idk maybe someone of you can give me more insight of what’s going on with me. Thanks in advance already :)

He knows he's my fp and he's getting away with treating me really horribly. Meanwhile, I can't really do anything about it and take it like a loyal pet because not hearing from him leaves me rotting in the bed for a day.

it's that bad. it's honestly the worst I've felt. what can i do?

As someone who experienced the depth of borderline episodes- splitting, issues with bas coping mechanisms, dissociation, attachment issues, self-harm - I have managed to control the worst outbursts of this disorder and keep myself in line.

I understand borderline has something to do with the way your brain is wired, and I struggle to move past beyond what I call the "management phase". I am almost a socially acceptable person tho very depressed overall. I still experience waves of idealisation and devaluation towards others. My therapist said that stress (especially work related stress) is the root cause that makes me retreat back into basic emotions, dissociation and paranoia. When I was going batshit crazy I had these intense waves of joy and excitement for people but also small things, but because I was also constantly in crisis mode, splitting and stuff I kind of shut down everything. Joy and excitement disappeared and all I can experience now is frustration. of course this allows me to have a normal life, but I feel so disconnected.

I struggle to trust people and I don't have a support system. The worst thing I can try to do is try to feel my feelings in body. I get anxious by the waves of emotions when I try to meditate. I just hate my body and hate to be in my skin, and of course I don't do anything anymore to actively harm myself but it's like a trap.

I wanted to ask if someone who is high functioning has had any experience with physical activity as a way to manage stress and dissociation. I am not a sporty or outdoorsy person but I read that people with borderline are in perennial fight of flight mode and physical activity helps for emotional regulation. People suggested me to try yoga, and I did but I am never consistent. Plus I find yoga boring.

So my question is if there are real benefit for people with this disorder in engaging with sports or physical activity. What helped what not what are the signs I should be looking for recognising some progress. I am very depressed so some days apart from working I can barely make myself leave my bed, but maybe if I can hear from people like me that this works I can find some motivation.

I have bipolar and borderline, but I feel like this comes more with the borderline with my attachment issues. They’re extremely bad and I don’t know what to do about them with my boyfriend i’m with him every day and every second almost but lately he has work and I can’t see him as much as I used to and I sit and cry or I freak out about it and ended up getting mad. I’m just very sensitive anything could set me off and I feel really bad because my boyfriend is the sweetest. I just need help adjusting my attachment issues because I feel like they’re scaring him away.

She'd been talking to me less and less for a while. When we were together, she seemed tormented. When we weren't together, she couldn't stand the solitude and silence. Then a few days ago she started hardly speaking to me, but she still told me she loved me and wanted to stay with me. But yesterday she suddenly told me she was leaving me. She told me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore, that she wanted me to leave her alone and that she just wanted to know when she could pick up her things from my place. The reason she gave was that she wanted her peace back. It's extremely violent, I don't recognize her. We'd been together for almost a year, and she told me every day that I was all she could think about, that she loved me more than anything. She cried every time I felt down. And now she has no empathy. She doesn't even ask me how I'm doing, my messages don't mean a thing to her. She just asked me to leave her alone. Which I do, but I'm shattered into a million pieces.

What does it all mean? Does she really want to leave? Did she really mean all that? Please, I need help...

i dont even know if i have bpd but this feels like bpd or maybe something else is happening but i just need to get this off my chest I have one person im attatched to really much wnd its been growing more and more and they helped me through my last horrible anxiety ridden whatever you call the week i had and they have helped me so much and now im obsessed a little bit with them but its just in a way where like i cant stop thinking about them and i just wait by the phone for them to text me (theyre online too so i cant see them in person so the like anxiety grows when they dont text for a long time) and im freaking out cause i was trying to communicate how i was feeling with them and i think i scared them away cause i said i need to be more distant due to the fact that im constantly texting them and that has to be very stressful for them and i crave their attention so so bad and they just responded with "oh" and then i was like fuckk i didnt mean it like that i just knew i was being evil clingy so i was trying to backpedal and then they were sayibg they didnt know it was that way and im just panicking because i hurt the one person i cared about and i think im freaking out like my mind is racing

I found out she died today and I have been crying all morning.

I stumbled across her channel when I was in the throws of my eating disorder and I became obsessing with "My Eating Disorder Story" videos. Her channel was my first introduction to BPD and self harm pride. At the time of discovery I had not yet self harmed or was I diagnosed with BPD. I stopped watching YouTube but I always checked on to make sure she was alright. Her videos were such a light and I loved how honest she was. Even when I felt my sickest I had her to say you know what it gets better. I assumed she quit YouTube that's why she had not posted in while but as it turns out she died.

I have been crying nonstop. I have been stable for the past two months and usually news like this would trigger me. Because if anything I always thought that she could do it. If anyone could beat BPD it would have been heard. I am just so heartbroken that this illness has taken someone else. She fought so well and bravely, I just hope she's at peace now.

I feel like I owe it to her to try. She went through so much with the disorder. I just feel like I can do it. If not for me then I can at least try for her.

I have no one to talk about this with who would understand.

Sleep in peace Marie. Cheers <3

We've been together for 10 months and 5 months ago she had a split where she told me she didn't love me anymore, that she wanted me to leave etc... then 3 days later she came back apologizing and telling me she had said that to scare me away. But she's been in a bad way for a week now. A few days ago, she couldn't stand being alone, she cried every night and got upset easily. But now, for the past two days, she's looked completely empty. She hardly speaks to me, without any conviction or affection. She doesn't want to leave me or insult me, she just looks... dead inside. I feel like I'm talking to a rock and I don't understand what's going on. I'm really worried that she's going to hurt herself and I hope from the bottom of my heart that she'll get back to normal. She's usually cheerful, funny and hyper-affectionate, and now she's empty. What do you think is happening to her and what should I do?

Im feeling super off and then i went off my meds and im feeling worse, im not diagnosed with anything but anxiety and depression, im 19, will i be able to get a bpd diagnosis if i have it or will they call it hormones? I take birth control for hormones so i dont wven know what this is but ive been actually crazy ive had horrible suicidal ideation and i just wanna sleep forever but i cant stop checking my phone to see if the people who care for me are answering but i know they dont i know noone cares it just is consuming my every thought

Bonsoir Je suspecte souffrir du trouble Borderline. J’ai été diagnostiqué TDAH en janvier et de récents événements et rencontres, notamment avec une personne borderline, m’a fait penser que je devrai creuser… Comment faire la différence ? Je sais qu’il est possible d’avoir les deux mais je ne sais vraiment pas quoi en penser

today during my class i started to cry cause i realized that i have COMPLETELY ruined my life in a succession of decisions i made and theres no way to go back, im crying desperately i feel like im nothing just floating and i dont know how to end everything in the best way possible. i just want everyone to be okay (i dont have the courage to message anyone), i dont want to ruin anyone elses life (i havent spoken to my family in months, my boyfriend couldnt take it anymore, and not even the only people who welcomed me in this new city, they dont deserve any of this), but i simply cant bear living mine anymore. I JUST ENDED EVERYTHING FOREVR I ENDED

Tw tw tw I needed to vent to someone or something or whatever without any guilt or stress that someone would read this that I know.

Im getting worse again. I really thought after getting diagnosed with autism and looking for new therapy would help me. I really though for a split second I could do it.

Hi, I'm 22f living in belgium. My mental health sucked from a vert young age. They told me at 13yo that I have a depression & ptsd. I also did my first s. Attempt. I don't wanna trauma dump or whatever about my past. But my past really sucked to say the least.

My mom is an alcohol addict. Most people/doctor told me that she has symptoms of narcissist. (BTW my english sucks so pls be nice , im also in & out panic sooo idfc about spelling rn) She also has her bagage and ptsd & depression. I still live at home most of the days. 2 weeks ago she did her 4th attempt. Its the 3th time I found her & her Letter. The first 4days she was really mad for saying her. She gave me the blame that she wanted to die. She wanted to throw me out and stuff. Now everything calmed down. Since then im very restless. I can't just rest or sleep for too long or I need to do something. To stop overthinking. My health isn't also great the last months. So I stopped eating healthy. I'm very insecure on my appereance and just as a person. I already was that but since my mom & being sick... it's worse... i almost cry everytime looking in the mirror. I stop doing my makeup or selfcare. I don't wanna take care of myself anymore. Now i had a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn't really a fight..it was me being mad & left the chat. I have borderline and lots of other mental health issues. I'm a people pleaser. I would die and do it all over for them. But I wouldn't ask them to do something for me. I would be hurt if i don't feel apreciated tho. I'm almost 1year with my bf. I'm very busy with his present. I'm thinking about him always. I would do anything to make his life easier or better. I would even leave if that would make him happier. But I hope things he would do...but he doesn't. I do alot of things that I really hope he would do too for me. But I would never ask. I think im not worthy enough as a human being for asking something.

I dont have many friends...but the ones i do have... i treasure them. They are important to me. They are giving a birthdayparty soon. But my bf met all of the people that are coming so i suggwsted to meet for a gamenight so the party would be easier... he was panicking and felt like i was ruining things or he wasn't interested. I tried & did alot of things when meeting his friends or family...but I feel like...he doesn't. That my friends... me or just my life isn't as important...as his/him... So I stopped texting him & said I will text him once I'm not mad anymore. That i will cancel game night and go alone to the party. And now we are few hours after... no respond... and i went walking for hours so i maybe lose abit weight while being angry until my phone died Im really thinking about ending my life. Because i prob will be dumped anyway soon. I always fuck up bcs of my stupid bpd... i failed as a daughter , friend and lover so why would I even try? I prob will sh myself after being clean for a few months. Just needed to vent...thats all :)

I've started hanging out in BPD spaces over the past few weeks after having my diagnosis for over a year. I used to be scared that I was misdiagnosed and just tricked my doctors into thinking I had it, now I've realized that almost all my "little quirks" and a lot of my personality is just symptoms.

The research I did about it and what we covered in my psych courses told me very little apparently. Didn't even cover splitting, FPs, or the different types of BPD. As it turns out, just basic overviews by people who probably don't have BPD.

Anyone else have this experience?

I hate everything.

I did it.

I blocked someone, I guess he would be considered an ex. I guess I'll give some history.

We dated 4 years ago for a few months (around 6 or 7) and it was great! We had a real connection, he understood me, he was caring and nice, and it felt perfect. Then he broke up with me, simply with "you're not an option right now". So I left it alone, I didn't want a messy break up, I had already had one of those.

During those years that we didn't talk, I was diagnosed with BPD, had moved to a different state, and was trying to get my life together after multiple traumas. He had moved in with a girl, had gotten her pregnant, and seemed to be fine (yes I found this out Facebook stalking, I liked to check in every once in a while).

He reached out to me about a year ago, and we started talking again. I guess him and the baby's mother had broken up, and it was a really complicated situation between them. Pretty much a lot of red flags that I didn't pay attention to. (Yay abandonment issues). Then after a month of us talking (this was full of romance and all that BTW), he went MIA, saying he needed time to himself. Okay cool. Went back to living my life.

He popped up again, a few months after that, and was planning on moving to a different state to start life over. My boss/family friend over heard, offered him a job, and hired him. So he moved here, and we had talked about getting back together. Even when I went to pick him up, things got...heated. So I assumed we would start dating again. Wrong on my part, I know, but I was hopeful. He said he needed time, and being the clingy person that I am, I tried to be his friend but it was hard. And so I just gave him space, especially because he was backing away from me (at least that's what it felt like). Whatever.

Now about a month ago he asked me to go over to his place, and he said he wanted to go out again, that he was ready. Again things got heated. The next weekend I asked him to come to my place, and we hung out for a bit. Then after that, we Varela had a conversation outside of small talk, he didn't invite me to go to his place, or out, or anything. He started being a but moody. So I automatically started backing away emotionally. I had decided this last time we ended up together that I wasn't going to put more energy into the relationship that I wasn't getting out of it.

Now a couple of nights ago, he said that I have nothing interesting to say. Mind you, most of our convos is just sending back and forth videos. Once in a while I would send something to start a conversation, and I got met with one or two word answers. But he hasn't put in any effort towards us at all. He's never asked me to go anywhere with him other than that first time, he's never texted me first, never done anything much outside of just send videos (most of which are either spider videos because he knows I'm terrified of spiders, and videos about me being shorter than him.).

I feel like he only keeps me in his back pocket for when he's feeling lonely, and I just get to sit here with my feelings. I've tried several times over the past year to try and communicate with him. I even told him I felt like his feelings for me are a bit wishy washy, and that I just want to know how he feels towards me, even if it's just friends. Bit he turned it around and said I was the one being wishy-washy with my feelings (I've only ever responded to his actions, and have done everything I can when he was moving here to make his life better, including giving him $700+, using my reputation (I come from a well known family where I live) to get him housing and a job, and dropped everything to give him rides or do errands until he got a car).

After he called me boring, I got really upset. I feel like I've done so much for him and he's given me back so little. And he just insults me, insults my religion, and insults my family. So I decided enough is enough, and blocked him on everything. If he needed to talk to me, he knows where I live and where I work, and it's a small town, so it's not hard to find me.

We both of BPD (mine officially diagnosed, his suspected), and I'm just worried maybe I overreacted? And even if I did, I'm not unblocking him. I don't know. I dont know how I feel. Hello xc

I have Borderline and I'm 7 weeks pregnant right now. I know there are people that believe borderliners shouldn't have kids, but I've been stable for a long time, I've been in therapy for over 10 years and I am in a happy, stable relationship with my loving and supportive husband (we've been together for 7 years, married for 3). We also both have save jobs. We're not rich by any means, but we manage. So this wasn't some irresponsible thing. We planned this pregnancy (including with the support of my doctors) for almost 2 years and we already have most of the things that we need for the baby in May next year. So I really hope people won't be judgemental about our decision to have a child, please be kind.

However I would love to hear from other people with Borderline who went through pregnancy. I'm gonna be honest, having an illness that makes you feel everything way more intense and pregnancy hormones are no joke (and I'm just at the start of it). I would be very happy to hear if anyone has some tips to deal with everything or just to hear from some experiences in general.

I'm worried that I won't be able to handle the stress at work very well tbh. It will definitely be a challenge. Luckily I only work 20 hours a week tho.

Do you feel like you have been wronged in childhood? My father was narcissist and daily fights. But now in my 30s I have a lingering feeling that I was wronged in childhood. Do you feel so?

Hi guys how are u? I'm trying to quit smoking weed, I'm fully dependent. Any advice? Thanks so much

Hi! Sorry for my english i'm french, but 2 years ago ive brocken a 7 years long online friendship because my symptoms began to be worst and worst during our 2 last years of friendship. I began to split, harrassing here fore reassurance, insulting here... Being paranoïde, writting loooong text messages ect... She cut ties with me two years ago... Since then i've been diagnosed with quiet bpd, i tried to contact here, insulting here again and blocked here, regretted it, she bloqued me, i've sent a letter to say sorry but with reproaches so it doesn't count. I've harrassed here big sister, she blocked me too... So since then i stopped this shitty behaviour, since 2 years. But i couldn't completly move one because i still feel guilty. I weeks ago i've sent a short message in Messenger cause she didn't blocked me her i'm juste not in here Friend list. I'm probably in the spams but it doesn't matter...

But i realised that even here whole family blocked me...

And deep down i still hope that she will talk to me again one day... What do you think honestly? Is there still hope?

context: this is my ex’s friend who i’m still in contact with sometimes.

34F. I have the hypersexuality and impulsivity markings for having BPD traits. I also have disorganized attachment style.

I got out of a situationship that was about 5 months. Went hard ghosted on him.

I crave and desire a relationship but yet they cause me the most stress.

I haven’t used the search bar to find topics just yet.

I am 34F and I got out of a recent relationship that I was consistently seeing him (40M) for 5 months. We had sex pretty consecutively when we were together until he kind of stopped after his baptism but BJs were still on the table but he said he didn’t want to be sexual anymore but anytime I gave out a body massage or I sat with him on the couch, watching tv, he would want one.

When I got baptized, we continued sex but it was kind of eating at me that we were both in this church and we were continuing doing these much natural human bonding but I couldn’t really separate it.

I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, I began to notice that I have a very harmful relationship with sex and after I dipped out on this relationship (I ghosted after giving him his last bj on his patio + back massage) (he’s going through a divorce)(I became emotionally reactive), that’s when I began to take notice about my relationship with sex.

I absolutely cannot do casual hookups.

If I decide to go forward and sleep with another person RIGHT NOW, I would definitely feel like I put my self worth on discount and I would feel heavy shame. Heavy guilt. I would also feel nauseous. And I would dislike myself A LOT.

My therapist of 6 years said I have hyper sexuality and impulsivity traits of BPD.

In the past, after a DV relationship of 14 years, I was single for 2 years and I was doing hookups but came to find out, I can’t do them because it messes me up emotionally.