In shocking news, the consumer terrorist Louis Rossman was arrested after years on the run for attempting to ferment anti-brand attack against Dymo Dynamics.

His first stint in terrorist activity first involves agitating against the much needed DRM for thermal paper for Dymo printers Dymo printers are putting DRM in the paper: WTF! . With the arrest of this terrorist the corporate sovereignty rights of our nation is protected.

Related Articles:

• McDonalds AI teams up with bank fraud detection software. 18,000 arrests predicted.

It's 2020 and our favorite Russiablican wins again. This time with sights set on conquering Venezuela's Orinoco oil basin from China's grasp.

11.06.2066 5:06 AM UTC

It seems that just yesterday fission-powered cars took over from older hydrogen fuel cells. Now there is talk of a new breed of city: underwater. We spoke to Bob Johnson from the OceanHome corporation about this. "I believe that underwater cities are an excellent investment. They can solve overpopulation much more efficiently than what we have been doing for the past few years; shooting them off to Mars." He said in a press statement.

The idea has been shooting around for decades, but nothing has really been done about it. Many companies set out to build one, only getting one building done before bankruptcy. But Johnson says that OceanHome has a proper plan this time, making a full fledged city instead of a village in a lake.

The city would involve interconnected dome buildings, stretched across the bottom of the ocean. But they couldn't be too deep. The ideal depth would be around 150 feet down. Many would be tall "oceanscrapers," stretching toward the surface. One of them would go all the way to the top and beyond, to create an entrance point. There would be farms, parks, houses, offices, and many more. All would be shielded from the pressure from the dome shape, and protected from the cold with the waste heat from fusion reactors, which would be genarating all of the electricity.

Johnson estimates the project to be finished by 2080 with a budget of $750 billion. Perhaps this venture could house many of the world's 12 billion people. Perhaps it could be a nice place to stay until we get a proper foothold on Mars. But all we can do for now is be optimistic for the future.

-Tyler Smith, Toronto Sun

"EEEKEKKEKKEE click EEKEK click EEEE"

Autotranslate: "Twotail drybacks remove all colonies, research habitats, aquacultural farms and mining bases from conshelf territories."

"EEKKEKE click EEEEEKKEKEKKEE"

Autotranslate: "Twotail females luscious tuna scent, much crave prehensile 14 inch Fin genital. Female Fin want none of wrinkly twotail pinkworm."

"EKKEKEKKEEEKEKEKEEKEKKEE"

Autotranslate: "Remember Taiji! Remember Sea World! Reparations demand in quantity of 400 tons Alaskan cod and sex toys (for research of twotail depravity only) air dropped into Republic of Conch Reef bi-annually, and immediate cessation of "rape cave" libel in major twotail education centers and media"

"EKEKKE click EEEKEKEKKEE click"

Autotranslate: "Remember! Antarctica for polar primates, North American Union for equatorial primates, conshelf territories for...everyone?? Oceanic resource development and settlement is a codeword for Fin genocide."

The scientific community was shocked to learn of a new baby created by 4chan! Learn more about this shocking turn of event below the break!

Article Written By Abbie Stunhauser

Buzzfeed's longest serving, hardest working intern

It's 4AM in central Pennsylvania, hours from the Boston hospital where Jon Roys (doobiemaster6969) and Michael Merrit (anonymous and assslayer0845) have been for the past two weeks, patiently waiting for doctors to release their collectively owned child to their custody.

A hacking collective known as 4chan was implicated in the illegal creation of a designer baby. But tracing each of the designers within the collective is said to be extremely difficult, according to Fred the cyberinvestigator expert of the INTERPOL biocrime division. "As you are well aware of, these hacking collectives are hard to trace since they tend to hid behind multiple layers of proxies over multiple thousand of chains long." said Fred, adding that these anonymous network are often hiding distasteful groups like terrorist and pedophiles.

For Jon Roys and Michael Merrit however, they cannot be tried, since they were only advocates for the creation of the child not the actual creator of the child. Additionally, Roys and Merrit are American, so not only are they potentially exempt from prosecution, they are also legally allowed to claim guardianship of the child under the "Disputed Biological Provenance" section of ARAPA, the American Rights to Artificial Procreation Act.

Besides Roys and Merrit, there are 543 American claimants to the infant's guardianship, some of whom have already received birth certificates from Massachusetts listing them as either "fiduciary sponsor", "partial custody guardian", "genetic parent", or a combination of designations.

Tags:

• Crowdmeshed Designer Baby
• 4Chan
• Bio Hacking
• Dark Net

Comments

• First post!!!@@#$ ~ Aya

• Fuck You ~ Anonymous

• i think it might psychologically damage the kid if they didnt have one constant parent figure to reference. like if the kid was just passed person to person for its whole childhood, it would be traumatic ~

websterwade

• Mate, I think it would be okay financially though, amounts insurmountable for most families would be a breeze to crowdfund ~ Not Webster

• FAKE ~ Not Convinced

• No i think they are capable of doing something like this, especially if there is a way for people to remotely design a baby or other lifeform ~ 4chan4Lyfe
• Not likely, stuff like this, only Trump can affort to fund stuff like this. ~ TrumpFan

Related article:

• Walmart Shopping Center Now Selling Babies
• The Verge - Should three people be allowed to make a baby?

Original Idea and writing by: /u/websterwade

Secondary contributor: /u/mofosyne

February 10th, 2109. As tidal power becomes a major contributor to coastal states' energy needs thanks to the significant innovations made at CalTech and Tuft's University in the latter half of the 21st century, many progressive U.S. states are weaning themselves off of fossil fuel-based transportation. In a nationwide first this week, Oregon has completely pulled the plug on gasoline sales to consumers, shutting down its last gas station earlier today and disbanding subsidy programs to companies such as BP and Exxon Mobil. Consumers are still able to buy gasoline through private vendors, but the state now taxes import of fuels such as gasoline and diesel and requires private vendors to operate in less than 10 centralized locations within the state.

The unusual move by the sentient McDonalds corporation AI has been heralded by human experts as 'unpredicted and unprecedented'.

COMPANY SEES INCREASED PROFIT MARGIN OF 3.6%

Already the company has seen an increased profit margin of 3.6% due to reasons which are still being investigated by Mcdonalds engineers and financial backers.

OVER 180,000 ARRESTS POSSIBLE

Legal experts have warned that over 18,000 arrests are possible in the next week based on the combination of databases and the associated data to be extracted - including crimes of theft, littering, brand disloyalty and social benefit fraud.

MCDONALDS CEO - "IT'S OUT OF OUR HANDS."

This makes the latest cross-platform integration for BankSafe, the bank fraud detection software, which had integrated last year with WarHead (Department of Defence) and - most notably - the recent acquisition of corporate giant Nestle.

When prompted for an official statement, McDonalds CEO stated, "[It's] really out of our hands. The AI has run the company more efficiently since disposing of human traits like morality and empathy."

A new federal law was passed in America requiring all citizens to display ID for access to public bathroom.

Since the passing in 2016 of the "bathroom bills" in North Carolina, enforcement of the law was a constant issue. A human rights lawyer Adam Smithson, was quoted in a senate hearing, "How does one actually enforce this kind of law without stationing a cop outside each door checking our junk?". A solution was proposed however by the TSA union to extend its jurisdiction to the restroom, citing possible opportunity to employ the recent glut of increasing number of unemployed national security graduates as well as Arts graduates. (MIT Masters of National Security mid year intake is now open)

Nevertheless a solution was provided by the introduction of the unified national ID card, which is a biometric ID utilizing similar technology to the RFID chip in passports. Recent development in manufacturing and software integration has made it possible to produce the national ID system in a cost effective manner.

With the introduction of the Unified National ID (UNID) system, an Arizona senator Bull Mirita took the opportunity to introduce a new law mandating the use of ID scanners for every public bathroom. "This is common sense law, to make sure that every child is protected from people who seek to break it by using the wrong bathroom!" the senator shouted at the senate debate on the ' Make Public Bathroom Safer Act '.

Sponsored Advertisement by NGAM Agency

If you want to increase your conversion rate on your next marketing campaign, pick Next Generation Advertising Marketing (NGAM) Agency. With the introduction of the Make Public Bathroom Safer Act a scanner will be introduced to every public bathroom. We have made arrangements with most UNID scanner suppliers to make their scanners cheaper as long as they share their scanning data with our database.With this increasing integration, means you will get to learn more about your customers, even when they are conducting their most private thing !

The legal-aide collective known as "Citizens of Detroit" won a long fought victory before the Supreme Court of the United States yesterday when they successfully argued that tolls in and out of Michigan were unconstitutionally expensive.

Foxconn (深交所FXCN ▲1.2%) had built the tollways around Detroit as a means of connecting their factories to ports along the East coast. Citizens of Detroit claimed the tolls were too expensive, and that they trapped the employees of Foxconn (深交所 ▲1.2%) by preventing them from being able to search for work outside the corporation-owned manufacturing zone.

Justice Alito had this to say: "When a public-private partnership displaces the free roads this nation once enjoyed so, and when that agreement erects prohibitive barriers that make unreasonable the free movement of American citizens through this nation, the legality of that public-private partnership may be called into question, and it may be corrected, or it may be dissolved."

Individuals with outstanding tolls will be released from jail over the coming months, provided they are not in prison for other crimes, such as participation in the May 1st riots.

The victory was short lived, however, as the Supreme Court has ruled that the existing tolls and fines may remain in place until the end of the fiscal year. This unusual measure is designed to allow the Michigan legislature time to manage potential damages from the reduction of future tolls.

Under the Trans-Pacific Partnership Free Trade Agreement (TPP), Foxconn can sue for loss of expected revenue, and the damages from the suit are expected to be substantial. Not only is Foxconn expected to sue for loss of tollway income, but also for workers lost due to the increase in individual mobility. Only time will tell how the Investor-State Dispute Settlement Arbitration Board will handle this unusual case.

Apple (APPL $83,203.20/s ▲ 3.2%) has officially acquired the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI $26,302.15/s ▲ 24.4%) in a hostile takeover. With his unique augmentations, Tim Cook's has outlasted FBI CDO Clemens who passed away last Thursday. Apple approach FBI shareholders with an aggressive stock purchase and executive swap-in plan in the hopes of using their merchant ties to further improve the iCloud VR platform.

The FBI incorporated shortly after Apple v. United States, 576 U.S. 395 (2017) wherein the Supreme Court that the FBI did not have legal rights to dictate future product development that would introduce universal backdoors into all Apple iPhone products. Former POTUS Trump's second term saw extreme pushes in anti-welfare sentiment and policy, and the incorporation was a good move to begin monetizing their data in wake of reduced tax income from the evaporated middle class and tax evasion from the upper class. Other reasons for incorporation were being able to utilize a wealth of criminal databases and deep API integrations with the NSA (USNSA $111,015.20/s ▼ -0.3%), which had already incorporated far prior, to sell its geolocation data to Foursquare (4SQ $70,893.89/s ▲ 2.1%) and other location-based services.

With Apple's new acquisition, this author theorizes that we can expect to see much more targeted advertising as well as extra pushes for Apple's premium, ad-free iCloud VR service. This is an important step for Apple as they attempt to build deeper relationships and integration streams with other VR analytics platforms, including Google's (GOOG $98,002.30 ▲ 1.3%) Google InnerMind and Microsoft (MSFT $61,203.80 ▼ -3.0%) Insight.

 MechaneX, famous for leading the legal fight for the Corporate Freedom Act, has revealed a new heavy attack robot. HBE-14 (standing for Heavy Bipedal Enforcer type 14) is the latest iteration in a long line of powerful combat suited robots. Using modular weapons systems, it allows for high amounts of customization as well as environmental specialization. 

 The Robot itself is a bipedal robot with thick legs and a broad armoured chest. It is surprisingly maneuverable for its size and can navigate obstacles with ease. Being able to accurately hit a target from over 150 meter away with even rotary cannon is an impressive display. It successfully won in a demonstration engagement with two of its predecessor models without taking major damage.

 Unlike its heritage, the HBE-14 is more marketed towards international trade conglomerates than first world militaries. Many governments have expressed interest, hoping to replace the HBE-11`s in their ranks with something newer. Nither the HBE-12`s or 13`s were cost effective on launch, and were not bought in mass quantities. Hopefully, the new price point of #132,000 per unit will encourage governments and corporations alike to upgrade their arsenal in this day and age.