Hey all! I have a short story that I'm hoping to get some feedback on. It's a sci-fi story set on a generational ship, about an android who has to learn emotional intelligence in order to connect with the teenager in its care. It's a bit of a sappy piece, so if you're looking for something to make you go 'awww,' this story should do the trick.

I'm looking for line by line edits, but all feedback is appreciated. As mentioned above, I'd be willing to edit something in return, preferably around the same length (I'm fine if it's chapters from a longer piece).

If you're interested, DM me or drop a comment here, and I'll email you a word doc. I've pasted the opening of the story below for those interested.

The Child had locked his bedroom door. Sadi3 tried again in case the latch had stuck, but the handle remained rigid under its metal grip. Strange. A new development to be logged. In all their years together, the Child had never locked his door. With only two of them aboard the cavernous generational ship, privacy was abundant. There was no need to preserve it behind a locked door.

Sadi3 raised its fist and knocked. “Finnigan, you were due for breakfast 15 minutes ago.”

No answer emerged from behind the plastic door.

Sadi3 knocked again. Perhaps the teenager had slept in. The caretaker unit had noticed a shift in the boy’s sleep patterns as his body began puberty. Sadi3 drafted a reminder to adjust the Child’s diet and sleep schedule for optimal health and saved it to its to-do task folder. Perhaps that would curb some of his aggression.

“Finnigan, are you awake in there?”

Silence met the android’s second query. Sadi3 pressed its wrist to the digital port on the wall and its intelligence leapt into the ship’s mainframe. The caretaker unit zipped through the digital landscape until it found the switch to force unlock the Child’s door. Sadi3 ported back to its android shell and stepped into the Child’s bedroom to find him face down in bed, buried under his covers.

“Leave me alone, Sadi3. I don’t want breakfast.”

The caretaker unit paused. “Breakfast is an essential part of a healthy diet. It is important for—”

“Please, Sadi3. Leave me alone. I don’t want to fight again.” 

I'm willing to beta-swap similar word counts. 1-month deadline for me to read yours and vice versa.

I'm looking for someone to tell me if my story is viable to write. If the idea/concept is possible the way I've written it, if it makes sense if it's interesting. Things to improve on. I don't need any edits, I would just like your thoughts. It does have superheroes and villains and a unique power system, not to mention a complex idea, so a separate document with details can be provided if needed.

Excerpt Link (2 chapters, 6,600 words)

Query Letter:
Inbetween the Lines is a young adult fantasy, exploring a world where peace has left society stagnant, and the desire for balance leads one young woman down an unexpected path to villainy.

In a city where heroes have won, seventeen-year-old Aris Shelia lives unnoticed and isolated, feeling her purpose slipping further out of reach. Her only anchor to hope is her younger brother, Micha, until he and her mother are taken from her. The old, powerful villain in hiding, Taavi, already intrigued by Aris’s quiet potential, seizes the opportunity to recruit her. She shows Aris that in a world without conflict, there will be little to no growth—highlighting the fact that most progress happens during wartime—and that sometimes, preserving balance means embracing the shadows. Drawn into Taavi’s plans, Aris begins her training to bring back the balance of good and evil to bring the world out of its complacent slumber, even if it means becoming a villain herself.

Throughout her journey, Aris learns to wield dark powers, confronts the limits of her loyalty, and ultimately decides what kind of future she wants for herself and Micha. Inbetween the Lines examines the complexities of love, ambition, and identity in a high-stakes, action-filled narrative that challenges black-and-white definitions of good and evil.

Hi, fellow readers and writers! I’m looking for beta readers for my completed manuscript to help me sculpt it into a query-able shape. I’ve edited it a few times through but really need some fresh eyes. I can describe it, somewhat trope-ily, as a queer, biopunk, found-family science fantasy with hints of spy thriller, eldritch horror, and court intrigue from the perspective of working-class revolutionaries. Info below:

BLURB:

When you’re on the run from the mages who supply the world with power—mages who are two steps from turning a god into a battery—a bleeding heart is a liability.

That doesn’t stop the outlaw blood mage Cirrus.

Cirrus is a reluctant combatant in the shadow war his dad, a defector and renegade, has been waging against the Sanguine Order for the past sixteen years. But Cirrus’s magic—the ability to manipulate organic matter, living and dead—is more than a weapon: it gives him the power to protect and heal. A little blood is a small price to help someone, even with the risks of disobeying his father or being caught by the Order, so he pays when he can. His latest rebellion: rescuing a small team of anti-oligarchy revolutionaries from the wild magic both they and his dad were trying to use.  

When the sparks in space-time settle, Edia, the team’s uncompromising strategist, asks Cirrus to join them (the revolution could really use an unemployed blood mage).

He could stick to the shadows with his dad or use his magic for a worthy cause, just like he’s always wanted, right now. However, like his magic, Cirrus’s past is bloody, and if the Sanguine Order found him, it would destroy the burgeoning revolution just to get him back.

LINK TO EXCERPT: first chapter

CONTENT WARNINGS: violence and gore, language, self-harm, suicidal ideation, brief mention of child death, descriptions of dead animals

EXPECTATIONS

I'm looking for feedback on:

• Flow: are there places where it feels too slow? Too fast? Are there places where you become confused and this isn’t resolved?
• Questions: what do you feel like isn’t explained that should be?
• Emotional reactions: would love a sort of play-by-play notation of any emotional reactions the story gets out of you
• Length: is there anything that could be cut without harming the story?
• Other: feel free to share anything else you want to note about characters, plot, worldbuilding, general prose/style/voice, anything you have a special perspective on, etc. Please share things you like so I know what’s working. Please share what didn’t resonate with you so I can start collecting potential issues to address.

TIMELINE

I'd prefer a short turn-around of 4-6 weeks, but this is malleable!

SWAP AVAILABILITY

I am potentially available for critique swaps. I'm most interested in various fantasy subgenres including science fantasy, cozy fantasy, romantasy, high fantasy if it's not too medieval Europe-inspired, sometimes dark or horror fantasy.

Hey everyone! Hoping to find someone to go over my poetry book, there are trigger warnings for this one because of some topics. The main subject of it is adoption and is very near and dear to me. I don't mind doing swaps including with larger projects.

I’m hoping to find a few people who can Alpha read my first book. I’m about halfway through and it has 48337 words. It’s reverse harem and has “adult” scenes.

Hi

I'm looking for beta readers for my women's fiction story Caught Out (working title). It's a 268-page, approximately 70k words forced-proximity story about a business man, Nicholas, blackmailed into dating the daughter of someone who has the power to tank his company.

Blurb: Ex-super model and media darling, Trinity, is worried that her socially awkward daughter, Amara, will fade into isolation once she and her husband emigrate. She devises a daring plan to find Amara someone worthy and strong, who will stand beside her as she battles gossips and internet trolls.  She thinks that she's found a solution - what if she gets Amara the man she's quietly wanted for months? If she put the two of them together, he, Nicholas, would see the real Amara and was bound to come to care for her. Taking a calculated risk, she blackmails him into dating Amara for at least 6 months. Surely that would be long enough for nature to take its course?

For ages, Amara has watched Nicholas from afar, never believing he'd given her more than a passing glance. When he starts to show an interest, she's confused because he says one thing while his body language tells her something else. Is he, perhaps like her? Does he too find social interactions difficult? Because nothing else makes sense.

I'm ideally looking for feedback returned before 24 December 2024. Please note the story contains swearing and sex scenes. I can only provide an electronic version of the story, either epub or google doc.

What I'm looking for

• did the opening scenes grab you? If not, why?
• does the forced proximity trope work in this story?
• how was the pace of the story?
• are there any consistency issues?
• do any of the characters need strengthening?

If the above piques your interest, let me know. I'm happy to do a review swap for similar genre and word count.

Hi, I’m looking for beta readers for the fourth draft of my cozy fantasy “The Princess and the Tailor.” Though it begins as adventurous and the MC deals with some pretty serious internal turmoil, it becomes a character focused, cozy story with low stakes. 

For this draft, I’m looking for general feedback to catch any last major issues, and also specific feedback on pacing, my use of descriptions and prose. It’s also a little lengthy so I’d appreciate advice on what scenes to cut or shorten. I’ve created a few questions for each chapter, with questions to answer at the end.

I’m also looking for readers who have experiences with PTSD, and/or autism. My main character and the LI are both autistic, and the main character has PTSD, so I want to ensure I’m portraying them respectfully.

My preferred timeline will be no longer than two months.

Blurb: Mere weeks after returning from war, Princess Bellflower’s future is already uncertain. After being forced out of the Seelie Court, Bellflower seeks safe haven in the one place both humans and faeries can live together in harmony—the Kingdom In Between. Along with the help of a charming human Tailor, a rude talking cat, a mysterious thief, and Bellflower’s childhood friend, Bellflower and the Tailor discover what they truly want from life. However, when unresolved problems threaten to tear up everything she’s found with the Tailor and their store, Bellflower must finally face her past.

Comparable to:

• The Folk of the Air series by Holly Black
• Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett
• Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree
• An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson 

Content Warnings: ableism, child abuse (implied), mild descriptions of blood, injuries and use of weapons, references to war and death, panic attacks, PTSD.

I’m open to critique swaps, with my preferred genre as fantasy.

Here is a document with the prologue and first two chapters. Let me know if you’re further interested!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MPZ_xODvxSt9KXHkS773Tn_RYlQdPQ3C4kk41W0wNcM/edit?usp=sharing

Welcome to the monthly r/BetaReaders “First Pages” thread! This is the place for authors to post the first page (~250 words) of their manuscript and optionally request feedback, with the goal of giving potential beta readers a quick snapshot of the various beta requests in this sub.

Beta readers, please take a look at the below excerpts and reach out to any users whose work you’d be interested in reading. You may also provide authors with feedback on their first page if they have opted in to a first page critique.

##Thread Rules

• Top-level comments must be the first page, or a page-length excerpt (~250 words), of your manuscript and must use the following form:
  • Manuscript information: [This field is for the title of your beta request post ([Complete/In Progress] [Word Count] [Genre] Title/Description) ]
  • Link to post: [Please link to your beta request post so that potential betas may find additional information about your beta request, such as your story blurb and the type of feedback you're requesting. You may also link directly to your manuscript if you choose. However, please do not include any other information about your project in this thread; that's what your main beta request post is for.]
  • First page critique? [Optional. If you would like public feedback in this thread on your first page, you may opt-in here (in which case we encourage you to publicly critique another eligible first page in this thread). Otherwise, you do not need to include this field; we understand that some users may not be comfortable with public feedback, may not want their first page formally critiqued outside of the context of their manuscript as a whole, or may not feel their manuscript is ready for a single-page line-edit critique.]
  • First page: [Please include only the first ~250 words of your manuscript.]
• Top-level comments that are too long (longer than 2,500 characters, all-inclusive) will be automatically removed. Please remember that this thread is only intended for the first 250-ish words of your manuscript. It's okay if your excerpt cuts off at an odd place: even a short selection is enough for most readers to determine if they're interested in your writing style (they'll message you if they want more). Shorter submissions keep this thread easily skimmable, so please, keep them short.
• Multiple comments for the same project are not allowed in the same thread.
• No NSFW content—keep it PG-13 and below, please. Excerpts that include explicit sexual content, excessive violence, or R-rated obscenities will be removed.
• Critiques are only allowed if the author has opted in. If you requested a critique, we encourage you to publicly critique another eligible first page as a way of giving back to the community.

For your copy-and-paste, fill-in-the-blanks convenience:

Manuscript information: _____

Link to post: _____

First page critique? _____

First page: _____

Welcome to the monthly r/BetaReaders “Able to Beta” thread!

Thank you to all the beta readers who have taken the time to offer feedback to authors in this sub! In this thread, you may solicit “submissions” by sharing your preferences. Authors who are interested in critique swaps may post an offer here as well, but please keep top-level comments focused on what you’re willing to beta.

Older threads may be found here. Authors, feel free to respond to beta offers in those previous threads.

##Thread Rules

• No advertising paid services.
• Top-level comments must be offers to beta and must use the following form (only the first field is required):
  • I am able to beta: [Required. Let authors know what you’re interested—or not interested—in reading. This can include mandatory criteria or simply preferences, which might relate to genre, length, completion status, explicit content, character archetypes, tropes, prose quality, and so on.]
  • I can provide feedback on: [Recommended. This might include story elements you often notice as a reader (prose, pacing, characterization, etc.), unique expertise you have through a profession or hobby (teaching, nursing, knitting, etc.), or other lived experiences that may be relevant (belonging to a marginalized group, being a parent, etc.).]
  • Critique swap: [Optional. If you’re only interested in—or would prefer—swapping manuscripts, please note that here, along with the title of and link to your beta request post.]
  • Other info: [Optional.]
• Beta offers should be specific. If you’re open to anything, or aren’t able to articulate specific criteria, then please refrain from commenting here. Instead, please browse the “First Pages” thread along with the rest of the sub—thanks to the formatting rules, posts are easily searchable by completion status, length, and genre.
• Authors: we recommend against direct messages/chats. Reply to comments instead. If you message multiple people with links to your post and/or manuscript, Reddit may flag your account as spam (site-wide).
• Authors may not spam. If a beta says they’re only looking for x and your manuscript is not x (or vice versa), please don’t contact them.
• Replies have no specific rules. Feel free to ask clarifying questions, share a link to your beta request if it seems to be a good fit, or even reply to your own comment with information about your manuscript if you’re requesting a critique swap.
• Please don't downvote rule-following users, even if they are not the right author/beta for you, as this can be discouraging to beta readers offering to volunteer their time as well as to authors requesting feedback. If you need to keep track of which comments you have reviewed, upvoting is a more positive alternative. Of course, if you see a rule-breaking comment, please report it to the mod team.

Thank you for contributing to our community!

For your copy-and-paste, fill-in-the-blanks convenience:

I am able to beta: _____

I can provide feedback on: _____

Critique swap: _____

Other info: _____

Hey there, any beta readers could read the first pages of my novel and give me some feedback? English is not my first language and unfortunately I’ve been feeling rather self conscious of my writing. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

On these first pages, I attempted to build my MC’s relationship with her female best friend, showcase her harsh status quo, and give insight into who she is as a character. I’d love to hear from you if I succeed or not.

I would link it here, but I’m writing it on Google Docs and don’t want everyone to see my email and my face, so DM me or comment and I’ll give you a link :)

Thank you very much in advance.

Hello. First time posting on r/BetaReaders here. I have been working on this novella for the past... Year and a half now? And it would be the first of any story I've created, which I'll be honest about. I have not made any short stories before, of any kind, and have no idea if what I'm writing is any good, but, I'm willing to try as this would be a large undertaking. And I guess time flies when you're deep into writing, huh? Anyway, I have completed the first of my trilogy's volumes, and wanted feedback on if my story is "good", "well written", and/or "enjoyable." Though, if you wish to give me some pointers/advice to what I've written, I'm open to suggestion on what can improve my writing, or, if there are any issues that make one raise their brow at to what I've written.

As to what the setting is: It is a story that is set in a vast, multilayered cosmos (otherwise in my story that is known as the Multiversal Cosmos) where cosmic forces themselves have taken on physical forms. It's a high-fantasy universe intertwined with philosophical musings (though I'm not a philosopher, but that hasn't stopped me from doing this kind of process in my writing), where beings, called Manifestations, embody abstract concepts such as Darkness, Light, Time, and beyond. These Manifestations are not merely just personifications; they are the essence of these forces, struggling to guide, protect, and understand their own existence, while confronting a powerful entity wielding the combined strength of Order and Chaos.

---

Blub (from Chapter One):

Amid the brilliant stellar ballet of stars and worlds above, Zyraeth stood still as their solitary spectator, cloaked in the enveloping arms of silence that each star above in his sea of black, were now dimming and eventually gone.

Above him, the stars that he knew were there, and the nebulas that danced in a slow procession, their twinkle-like distant whispers of light reaching out across eons to him. The cold touch of space dust pressed and flowed against and across his skin, starkly contrasting the warmth of the life pulsing within him. 

The silence was profound, a stark canvas against which even the faintest heartbeat of a distant nebula resonated a gentle thrumming up it, promising the birth of new worlds in their creation.

“Or so one would think…” Zyraeth mumbled to himself as his eyes continued to scan the starry sea, “Save for the stars that had been newly crafted and formed… Are now all but extinguished as they had soon been created… I wonder…”

---

Content Warning(s):

• Graphic Violence
• Body Horror (brief)
• Mass Destruction
• Emotional Distress (for themes of existential struggle and intense internal conflict)

If you enjoyed what you've read in the blurb so far, DM me and I'll get back to you as soon as I am able with the Google doc link. But, to also bring it up, the entirety of the first volume is thirty chapters in length, so, take as much time as you are able if you do intend to send me a DM.

Hi everyone!

My client, Dr. Brent, wrote a book about stroke recovery. We plan to distribute it to different outlets to help stroke survivors manage their daily lives.

Dr. Brent is a two-time stroke survivor and he aims to share his POV about his life after his strokes. If any of you is interested in reading his book, please comment! In exchange, I'm willing to do a feedback swap with you.

Thank you!

Hi and Thanks! Pandora's Hope is one of two books set in the ArCon cycle. Aila finds herself and the one thing she’s always wanted—family. Can she hold on to both, end a galactic civil war, and save the universe from an extradimensional threat? Focuses: Political Intrigue, Artificial Intelligence, Military Science Fiction, Strong Female Characters. Content Warning(s): Loss of a loved one, violence, physical assault, war, profanity. Feedback Requested: What you liked, what you didn't. What was confusing? What would you like to see more of? Less of? Timeline requested: Three to six weeks.

Critique Swap? Yes! I prefer Speculative Fiction or Fantasy, but would also read romance, horror, mystery or thriller.

Hello everyone! Thanks for taking the time to read my post.  I wrote my novel, Beyond the Veil over the last two years. I believe I am finished editing it (does one ever finish editing?) , but I would like to have some beta readers before I take the next steps.

Beyond the Veil, doesn't fit perfectly into one genre, but could be best described as a dark fantasy romance. The novel takes place in the small and mysterious town of Darkwater Creek, and follows a heroine who begins to uncover the dark secrets of the town in which she grew up.

I also just want to write a trigger warning here. There are instances of gore and violence. I have written scenes that are graphic, and certain things are written with the intention of being uncomfortable, including a scene that contains mutilation and body horror. If this is something you may find extremely uncomfortable and shocking, you may not be the intended audience for this book. 

I really hope you like it, if you're willing, please message me if you're going to read it and plan on giving input when you finish. I am so grateful for your help and I hope you enjoy the book. I am very open to beta swaps.

Hey There! Any betas out there? My name is Matt, I'm from Brazil and new to this sub. I've recently finished my first manuscript (a first-out-of-three volumes of a trilogy). It's got lots of magic, a stolen book, a mysterious organization and two lgbtq+ young adults working out their feelings?

BLURB:

The peace in Almubarim is theatened when a sacred book is stolen from a far-off sanctuary, prompting the human prince Krisset Van Lanchaistre to take action, along with Joshir Halletvriken, a bright university graduate, by his side. They venture forth in their journey and navigate political intrigue, ancient prophecies, and personal dilemmas, as they discover that their growing bond might be just as significant as the universe-altering secrets they unveil.

Low-key-pitch-but-don't-expect-much-cause-I-left-sales: It's your classic mages-dragons-elves high fantasy, with a subplot-but-hold-the-sub of lgbtq interracial romance. It has very deep lore and worldbuilding, so if you delve deep into these waters, take my hand and let's go for a swim.

Content warnings: I should mention some blood/gore, a couple of swear words and a gentle reminder that the world is cruel and wicked. Character's backstories may include sensitive topics, like neglect, abandonment or downright assassination. Perhaps help me identify additional ones?

Type of feedback wanted: I'll take anything: pace, plot holes, character feedback, you name it.

I am open to swaps as well! I am a latino/queer guy who has read a lot of fantasy, YA romance, police/medical thrillers and adventure and beta-read quite a few short stories and too much fanfiction for one's teenager years.

Feel free to DM if interested. Thank you for reading this far! Have a cookie! (:
The modbot suggested I add a link as well and who am I to say otherwise: Here it is. You can still have your cookie.

This story takes place in modern times in the American South. There are three POV characters who recount this story.

The first is a newly seventeen-year-old girl. She has lived under the specter of her fundamentalist pastor father (another of the POV characters) her whole life. Her family is in shambles. On her birthday, she experienced a life-altering trauma that begins her down a path of self-discovery and agency.

The second is her father, said fundamentalist pastor. In their small town, he is a fringe pastor who has somehow maintained a steady congregation and credible reputation, despite the failings of his marriage and his estrangement from his oldest child. He is determined not to let his daughter follow down that sinful path, determined not to allow his reputation to falter.

And the final is an aspiring writer who finds himself a journalist in a shabby, small-town news outlet writing for the sports beat. He knows he’s better, knows he deserves more. So he sets off on an ambitious hunt for a story that will help launch him into notoriety and, naturally, bolster his future in literature. A story he finds…

I am very willing to swap pieces with other writers! I would love feedback on pacing, character, setting, structure, and language/voice.

TARGET AUDIENCE: Adult readers of literary fiction. Would appeal to readers/fans of “The Poisonwood Bible”, “Demon Copperhead”, “The Goldfinch”, “All The Kings Men”

Please DM if interested.

Blurb: Orderly, reserved, and quick-witted, Caity has been in love with her best friend Jonas–impulsive, flirtatious, and stubborn–since the day they met as seven year olds. Written words, instant messaging, text messaging, and email all play a role as they flip back and forth between earnest endearment and teasing torment with Jonas's love for her beginning to reveal itself. 

This story unfolds through multiple iterations of their relationship all destined to converge, concluding in a love that is truly inevitable.

Set against a backdrop of fame, loss, and body image issues, this modern romance follows Caity and Jonas as they navigate the complexities of love and friendship, ultimately discovering the journeys are far more important than the destination.

Excerpt: No doubt, the old school communication method was unlikely to land for most people, but Jonas was stubborn in his baseness of technology usage.  I felt relatively confident he still used email very actively.  It was only a matter of if he changed his email address and abandoned his old one and/or if I'd make it past any filters. Well, here goes nothing. 

Jonas, 

I know this is out of nowhere, but I thought of you today and the time you reached out for the name of the brand of socks I used to buy you for Christmas so you could start buying your own.  I don't even remember the brand anymore, but I've tried this new company and their socks are stellar.  Hank's socks.  They are truly so amazing I could think of nothing more I wanted to do than to share this information with the whole world.  And after I told every person that mattered, well, now I've come around to telling you.

On a more serious note, I sincerely hope you are doing well and that you know this was sent with only the warmest intentions. It's been long enough that I'm not sure we share the same sense of humor any longer. 

Send my regards to your mother please. 

Caitlin

I hovered over the send button, stomach churning.  How did he still make me feel so young again? And not even in an exciting way necessarily, but in the incredibly-awkward-and-nervous- beyond-what-should-be-called-for-in-a-situation way? In the heightened-emotion-and- everything-is-an-absolute-catastrophe-even-when-it-really-isn't way?

Content Warnings: Mental Illness (including referring to past suicide attempt, not described), Body Image Issues, Description of mild SA, BDSM (consent heavy), Very Sexually Explicit

Timeline: I would prefer I get some feedback in the next 3/4 weeks, but I anticipate it will be for only the first two/three sections to be realistic. Then we can decide a more appropriate timeline for full manuscript if interest remains.

Critique Swap Availability: Would be available and interested, depending on content. I am not very experienced in sci-fi or fantasy. I would LOVE to swap with another romance.

If you are interested, please make sure you acknowledge the content warnings above in your response.

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for feedback on a short novel I’ve written and recently translated from French to English. I’m a native French speaker, and I’d love to hear any thoughts on the story itself, as well as the translation.

You can read the document here

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1P05QGfdLfRQH0PRLje5DIN6c5oNBpojG8aHs9pdsFXY/edit?usp=drivesdk

Specifically, I'm hoping native English speakers can give me honest feedback on the flow, naturalness, and readability of the translation. Since this is my first time translating my work, any tips or corrections to improve the quality would be really helpful.

If you enjoy helping out or are passionate about reading, I'd be grateful for your insights! Thanks in advance for your time and help!

After awakening from a coma, Jack Hartley discovers an ability that has been dormant since his childhood. The power to jump to other dimensions using his mental energy. Jack learns to navigate this newfound skill with the help of his fellow jumpers, all while being watched by an evil entity looking to control the multiverse. Jack soon finds that the fate of life itself balances in his hands. 

Jumpers is a thrilling science fiction and fantasy novella that tackles themes of addiction, discovery, betrayal, and redemption.   

Looking for 1-3 beta readers for my adult romantic fantasy novel it has portal elements, themes of religious trauma, and lgbtqia+ normalized in the setting

Blurb: Ezo Vadr and Divia Ghiath have little in common. Ezo is a highborn story smith with a curse that causes bouts of sudden sleep. Divia is a low caste thief with too many schemes and little chance of fulfilling them, felled from her home in the sun. Both find themselves in Druselle, a realm of isolation and eternal dark. There they strike a deal, For Ezo it spells the difference between solitude or companionship, for Divia the difference between freedom and servitude. In a world split between night and day, where jealous gods employ humans to do their bidding. Ezo and Divia fight to make ends meet and nurture a love born from deception. Will they let the gods make them tools of worship for their fickle whims, or be outcasts like the shunned and godless magi?

Pitch: This story has elements drawn from fairy tales such as Sleeping Beauty and one Thousand and One Nights mixed with inspiration from modern masterpieces such as Princess Mononoke. This book will interest fans of Hannah Kaner’s Godkiller, Rebecca Roanhorse’s Black Sun and Mask of Mirrors by M.A Carrick

Content warnings: Mentioned child neglect, abuse, abandonment, explicit sexual situations Blood and injury, manipulation, self harm, drug and alcohol use character death, asphyxiation, pregnancy, imprisonment coercive themes and dubious consent, off page sexual assault, on page harrasment anthropomorphic and human relationships, cult and religious themes

Type of feedback wanted: Most anything, Pacing, clarity, characters and continuity errors, I’m not really looking for grammar/line edits but am open to them

Can swap with manuscript of similar length, Hopefully I covered everything here if you have questions ask away

Link to first chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AwlgBVPTEujAi6simler_UJ69MTWWb1mrJERdIy5uQY/edit

Tags: Wolf star, cannon rewrite, HP has a twin sister, Ace Harry potter(cause i cant ship him with anyone else but Draco. But Dracos occupied in this fic), dark magic, rituals, knives/sharp objects, lots of mentions of death or dying, blood and harmful language, harmful actions to other characters, minor(VERY MINOR) mentions of creeps preying on the adolescent, Desi Potter family

"It was the start of the summer for the inhabitants of the small town Little Whinging, just southwest of Greater London, and located in the just as small county of Surrey. Where cute houses were lined up in rows upon rows, neat and distinctly the same. The days before were littered with children of all ages buzzing with excitement over a full nine weeks of freedom. No teachers to give exams or quizzes, or the need to wake up at an ungodly hour every morning only to rush to their own private prisons in the form of homework and possible social Pariahs. Instead their laughter filled the air from noon till night, along with the ringing of their bells on their bicycles. Splashes of water and even the loud band music usually pouring out of a teens open window, or even a garage-depending on what part of Little Whinging you drove.

But today was different."

Hey! I'm doing a complete cannon rewrite of ALL the main HP books, and more. Because i wanna avoid the AO3 curse, im not gonna post it till everythings finished. I was just seeing if someone(Idc how many people) would be interested taking a peek at it. Not really for proof read, as in, I don't EXPECT you to be a devout editor or anything. I'm eriting this cause I'm inpatient and really wanna share it to someone. And have someone to talk about it with. I don't have a timeline of anything, just whenever you want to message is cool with me-like i said above, I just REALLY need someone to talk to about this with.

Just lemme know if you're interested.

Also. If you're not a fan of POC inclusiveness or LGBTQ, this fic is NOT for you. I took the entire rainbow and dunked the HP universe in it, and viola.

I'm currently on the fourth 'book', and I still have reviewing to do for the ones I've finished, cause google docs hates me and wants to change the names of characters. Plus other things.

And this is NOT a self insert. MC has her own personality and everything, and it won't be some hogwash fic where she's a carbon copy of Harry. There's no point in this if that were the case.

Looking for feedback on a short piece I wrote after doing some looking into Voudou and Journey To The West. Fundamentally came down to what would an immortal and embodiment of death would talk about. Some added aspects such as giving Sun Wukong a granddaughter to give a reasoning for this to happen as well.

Content notice of discussion of death and showing the aftermath of a car crash, although nothing really explicit is mentioned. Just looking for general feedback with how things flow, how the dialogue sounds and grammar that I've probably fallen into bad habits with. Willing to do a feedback swap of something of a similar length too. Please DM for a link and hope it proves enjoyable too.

My novel is 57k words and set from the perspective of a defiant racehorse filly on the Curragh (the centre of Irish horse racing). The story unfolds with additional perspectives of her two racehorse friends as they escape their oppressive training regime on the grounds that it’s cruel.

Their quest to find “freedom” is a satire symbolic of the current housing crisis in Ireland. While searching for fields and stables in which they can live without ridicule, they encounter many of the same problems as young Irish adults; lack of availability, land owned by vulture funds, excessive livery (rent) fees and poor conditions of available stables.

Their journey is accompanied by three sixteen year olds who each share a problem in common with their mount, be it searching for belonging, the ache of being female/a mother, or the agony of toxic masculinity.

Underlying themes include politics, capitalism, homelessness, Irish culture, racism, feminism and sexuality, infused with wit and humour.

Anyone interested? Looking for feedback on language and narrative. Feedback on story development a bonus.

A Bengali-Tamil Romance

Story blurb: When 16-year-old Parineeta first laid eyes on 24-year-old Aravind at her sister's wedding, her heart skipped a beat. He was charming, charismatic, and utterly unattainable, treating her like a kid rather than the budding young woman she was. Eight years later, fate intervenes, reuniting them when Parineeta lands a job at the same company as Aravind. Now, the tables have turned - he notices her, captivated by the woman she has become.

As their worlds collide in the bustling city of Boston, an undeniable chemistry sparks between them, igniting feelings Pari has long cherished and Aravind has only just begun to confront. But shadows from Aravind's past and the weight of his parents’ expectations loom large, threatening to keep them apart.

Will they find a way to bridge the gap between their dreams and reality, or will the forces that have always kept them apart tear them asunder? Passion, Pride, and Parental Expectations is a heartfelt tale of love, second chances, and the courage to pursue one's true path against all odds.

Disclaimer: The writing has adult content - intimacy scenes. Indian audience may relate better with the story, but people from all over the world are welcome to give it a go. :)

Type of feedback requested: Do you connect with the characters and the story? What did you like? What could be improved? Are there any plot holes?

Beta Reading availability: Happy to beta read similar content (romance) or mystery or thrillers.

The pitch for my story is a gender swapped Sofia the First with a less episodic and more focused plot about the transformation magic in the show.

Here's my excerpt:

Sighing, the bird closed his eyes. Raising his wings as if rubbing his head. “What would the old man say. Look out into the world and see that all color blends into the next. Close your eyes!” When he saw the suspicion in my eyes he sighed again and his voice became softer, “Look, you’ve already experienced this. Just close your eyes and remember what it felt like. Use that feather, feel each hair, memorize its shape, and blend into it.”

Sighing myself I followed his instructions. Turning back into a raven was on the lowest part of my to do list and if this truly was the trigger for when my breathing would turn painful then it shouldn’t even be on the list. Then again why would magic even work like this? I certainly remembered the feeling of being small, of it all seemed so out of reach. But more so I remember how it felt to find the house empty. To ride that carriage thinking I was about to embark on a rescue only to find my father living his wildest imagination and me wanting to stand still forever. Perhaps turning into a bird wouldn’t be the worst idea now.

“I don’t feel like this working.” I said opening my eyes and find myself eye to eye with Namir as the world suddenly became large.

“Perfect.”

I'm looking for feed back regarding the flow of the story. This is my first book and I'd like to know if my story properly builds up to its climax.

I'm available to swap critiques with anything fantasy, sci-fi, or supernatural.

I am seeking feedback for my Sci Fi novel, COUNTLESS STARS FROM HOME, complete at 100,000 words. Its ensemble cast experience a low stakes, character driven exploration of responsibility and hardship. Feedback I'm looking for is mainly input on the consistency, verisimilitude, and enjoyability of the characters and story, Also, if readers could clarify if it comes off as more adult or YA, that would be extremely helpful. Happy to reciprocate, though I'm not into anything heavily Christian or right wing, or cruelty for cruelty's sake.

* * *

December 10th, 1982. Twelve strangers, mostly children, find themselves emerging from alien pods in a bizarre room full of almost a hundred other cocoons, still sealed. The alien architecture and wonky gravity tell them they are no longer on Earth.

Among them are:

Dina, 19, an emotionally stunted former tennis prodigy that fancies herself a scientist;

Brodie, 18, a prep school dropout of no fixed address that fancies himself an actor; and

Whitney, 15, a high school Valley girl who fancies Brodie.

As they are getting acquainted with one another and their situation, two aliens appear and clumsily enlist the children’s help to make repairs to their ship. It has been sabotaged by their own people from whom they've been exiled. They also find disturbing evidence suggesting an awful secret behind their presence there.

They learn the aliens did not take them, and are in fact barely qualified to operate the craft. Together, they are all lost in a distant region of unknown space, and the kids face the possibility of never seeing Earth or their families again.

As the oldest, the other children look to Dina for leadership, but she abdicates this to Brodie and throws herself into unlocking the ship's secrets. Not all of them agree with her methods, especially her attitude that she is the only one capable.

In particular, Dina butts heads with Whitney, who proves likable but headstrong and reckless in her determination to return to her old life. As the group’s sometimes contentious association grows into unlikely friendships, Dina learns that other people have value and can sometimes even be trusted. Brodie learns that responsibility is troublesome, but rewarding. Whitney learns more than any of them could have imagined.

When the the horrific secret behind their presence on board comes to light, they must come together as a new, fractured family to cross the countless stars from home.

It’s 1982. Do you know where your parents are?

* * *

First 300:

Dina stumbled and dropped to her hands and knees. Her fingers dug into the sand-colored surface beneath her, soft but firm like gym mats. Confused, panicking; she’d fallen somewhere strange. Somewhere humid, warm, and dimly lit.

Get control of yourself.

A halting breath slowed her racing heart.

Figure this out.

Her last memory was awaiting a bus to MIT on an icy December morning.

Shivering from anticipation, not the temperature. Large black lidless eyes among the trees. Bulging bulbous head, gray-green and leathery. Right before the glowing light and the vertigo.

She forced herself back to the present.

Absurd. A dream.

She looked herself over. Not injured. Hair damp; from sweat or the steamy air. Her clothes gone, replaced by a silvery garment that ended at knees and elbows. Something a runner or cyclist might wear.

She rolled back on her heels. Amber light and terracotta walls. A room somewhere.

Not a spaceship. Of course not.

She flicked damp hair from her face. A large, dark brown mass looming beside her caught her attention. The object, a couple meters long and another high, resembled a hulking chrysalis. A wide membranous cover rose from the top at an angle, exposing a chamber inside.

A trembling spasm shivered through her as she understood she’d just emerged from inside the thing.

She screwed her eyes shut, squeezing out tears. Clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a cry. A couple of heaving gasps escaped.

It was real, all of it.

Some noise or flash of movement alerted her to another presence nearby. She briefly entertained the ridiculous idea her abductors were her fans.

Swallowing her shock with several deep breaths, she looked back carefully. A smirking boy with short brown hair nodded to her from across the large circular room.

Hello! I am looking for feedback on my book manuscript. I have been working on this book for three years. yes, Three years. Its up to about 105 pages, I am targeting 220-250. So not done yet. It has undergone DRASTIC changes. Everything from minor corrections, to entirely re-writing 30 pages of material, the story itself is still being developed, and crafted.

Blurb:

My story is quite complicated to try and summarize, with lots of components, and moving pieces. But as simply as possible:

Different Shades of Darkness is a dark Science Fiction Drama, set in the alternate present.
Codename: DSOD (as I call it) explores themes of Trauma, loss, and how it affects people in many aspects of their lives. More importantly, it is a story about healing, and about learning to allow yourself to live again.

synopsis:

Following a global catastrophe that changes the reality they know forever, Two young adults, Evan Palm, and Emira [Redacted for story purposes] must navigate the horrors of how their world has changed, while coming to terms with how the world is changing them. All the while, they find themselves falling deeper into a rabbithole that reveals dark and twisted secrets about their world, and the people pulling the strings behind it all. This is their journey through reality, or is there more than one?

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jH9bVkmv9do7gQEAi4pTRLK6l56pJk_qoAYmuWie8TY/edit?tab=t.0

Feedback requested:
CONTENT WARNING: This story is targeted to a mature audience. Harsh language, depictions of graphic violence, torture, and trauma are MAJOR aspects to this project. If any of those things make you too uncomfortable (I say too, because they are SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable), I do not recommend reading. Im looking for general writing feedback, how I can improve pacing, or grammar, or structure. This is an emotional story dealing with heavy concepts, that are heavily inspired by things I myself had had to deal with.

I welcome ANY, and ALL feedback. I even encourage suggestions, what would you like to see happen, or setpieces I could include, concepts, etc.

Thank you so much for your time, and from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate you so much. Even if you only read 10 pages, It all helps me.

I'm looking for anyone that has background knowledge on either fandom (RWBY or Elden Ring) to read through a chapter of a story I'm geting back into,

The fic is multi-chaptered, but each chapter is its own moment/story, pitting characters from both media and featuring them interact with each other (the characters are post-game for Elden Ring, the characters from RWBY are pre-season 1).

Action is light, and more slice-of-lifey. Very conversation-driven. I'm asking for your thoughts on flow of the writing/reading, as well as accuracy of characters' personalities if possible.

If you've any questions, please PM me or leave a comment!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-XcY7w0J6_VVBRylPjlYE2y4AF2aZwHTswnJ3CrSXao/edit?usp=sharing

Prologue

Kavi

The blood made the knife slip from Kavi’s fingers and clatter to the cold stone floor below. He breathed deep, gasping breaths as he fell to his knees over his once companions. They had proved far more difficult to dispatch of, even with the element of surprise. The chamber looked almost as natural as it did man-made, with some combination of jagged edged rocks and well cut stonework on every wall. The ceiling was high, and roots had broken through in several spots. The chill air of the mountains penetrated its inner walls, and Kavi tightened his furs around himself. He held his head low, made a small prayer of forgiveness to the mountain spirit, for all the good it would bring. Kavi stood.

The rumors were true, he told himself, over and over again. It had to be. It must be true, he had not killed his companions for nothing. They could not be allowed to take the wish over him. A light mist began to roll in from the far wall, forming grasping tendrils that swayed in the small draft. They coiled around his feet like weeds trying to pull him underwater. 

“Wishmaster!” Kavi’s words rang off the stone like a war cry, and the mist fell still. 

“Spilling blood in my chamber is an odd way to greet me,” a strangely jovial voice said. 

“Do you mock me, Wishmaster?” Kavi stepped forward as the mist coalesced into the slight figure of a human, though faceless and much too tall.

“Yes! Yes I do mock you," it said. 

Kavi tried to wipe the blood from his furs, but it proved stubborn.

“Is it true? Anything I want?” Kavi pleaded.

 “Anything you can dream of. But it would be unfair of me to not tell you there's a catch,” it said. 

“And what would that be?”

“However should I know, until you make the wish?” Its voice sounded eager, and the stone in the dark chamber began to feel colder. 

“If I wish for Immortality, will I continue to age, but never die?” 

“I should be half insulted that you think my art is as boring as that,” it said.

“Then that shall be my wish. I wish to be healthy and strong, never to age, and never to die.”

The Wishmaster immediately dissipated into the mist, swirling in an excited vortex around Kavi, and he felt as though it whispered in his ear.

“Granted!”

Blurb: The King Who Never Was follows Marcus, an orphaned young man who joins the army of King Chiron and befriends a ruthless soldier named Graham, who possesses a magical ring stolen from the dark sorcerer Soldemus, Chiron’s spymaster. As Marcus and Graham witness the horrors of war, they discover that Soldemus—connected to the god Hades—has been corrupting Chiron and the kingdom with forbidden magic, driving it toward ruin. Graham, seeking vengeance for his murdered family, plots to kill both Chiron and Soldemus, while Marcus wrestles with his disillusionment and loyalty. The story explores themes of loyalty, revenge, and the cost of power, set against a backdrop of dark magic and mythic tragedy.

Please DM for passages!