My husband and I are so thrilled for our baby girl who is due in March. She is a pregnancy after 2 losses (including one loss that was a twin pregnancy) We also have a 3yo son. We have done about 5 years of fertility treatments for our two babes and don’t plan to pursue any further treatments/ pregnancies.

That being said, we have always been open to having more than 2 kids. Some of the fertility treatments we’ve done came with a risk for multiples (ie twins) and we have always been ok with that possibility.

We have also during this journey discussed so many possibilities to include egg/sperm donor, adoption etc.

So now the sticky part — my brother and his now ex wife (I’m going to call her SIL) are pregnant with a baby who is due to arrive in January. My brother is an addict who has been in and out of jail. SIL is a deeply religious woman who met my brother during a bout of sobriety, and married him only for him to relapse. Now they are getting divorced (her church is giving her an annulment) and SIL along with her parents have decided the best thing is for her to place the baby for adoption.

A little background— her mom and dad had their first baby “out of wedlock” (remember these are their beliefs not mine) and because this was not socially acceptable to their families they placed SIL’s brother for adoption. Later mom and dad got married and had 2 more kids (1 being my SIL). This was a closed adoption but they have reconnected now that the brother is an adult.

My brother has expressed that he feels that he cannot be an adequate parent to the child especially solo and has no desire to reconcile with SIL. However, he doesn’t want the baby to be adopted to an unknown family through the religious organization SIL would use. Instead he is hoping that my husband and I will adopt the baby and he can be in the babies life as an uncle and the rest of the family relationships would be the same (grandma is still grandma, etc)

My husband and I are inclined to do this but not sure what would happen re: relationship with SIL. She has said she wants a closed adoption but who knows. Currently my brother and I have limited contact and he is no contact with my husband and child/ future children until he can demonstrate sobriety and even then would only be around us at family gatherings (Christmas for example).

I am not opposed to either parent having a relationship with the child - it would likely not be a traditional parent/child relationship and I anticipate that navigating the nuanced situation would be tricky. So far, SIL has not expressed an interest in this.

What things do I need to think about? — we are going to try to meet with a lawyer in the next 1-2 weeks to discuss further. Beyond that I would like to hear perspectives from family who have gone through this process.

Hello,

My husband and I are considering adopting, and I've read great reviews about American adoption. I briefly read that they are not licensed to do home studies in New York State, and I was wondering if American adoption is equally good regardless of which state you are from. Does anyone who lives in New York State have experience with American adoption? Or can someone who's more knowledgeable than me explain if this actually matters?

Here is the link https://kennesaw.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6XoEePpxo8WThno Completely anonymous!

Share your thoughts by completing our survey, and you could win a $100 gift card!

We are conducting a research study to explore foster care experiences and relationship functioning. We invite individuals to participate in a survey that will take approximately 15-20 minutes.

Eligibility Criteria:

• Must be 18 years or older
• English-speaking
• Currently residing in the United States
• Must have experienced foster care

All participants will be provided with a consent form to review and agree to before accessing the survey.

If you are interested in contributing to this important research, please follow the anonymous link to complete the survey: https://asu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8DkCB1XjDnk0zKC

Thank you for considering participation!

Hello! We are starting the adoption process and are waiting on the home study to be completed. As we learned from our agency that we have the option to use an Adoption Consultant to help get our profile seen by more agencies. Does anyone have any recommendations on if we should use a consultant? and if so any recommendations on Adoption Consultants? Thank you!

My husband and I are planning on starting our adoption journey in July. Two questions What are some recommendations for private adoption agencies I live in Alabama. Also, we live in a 2 bedroom home and have one bio son. He's a baby still but long story short I can't have children again and we want our children to have a close age gap that's why we are starting the process now. Our home is very big for two beds and the baby would stay in our room for the first year of life. Do we have to have a three bedroom home prior to applying? We are planning on moving or adding on to our home just waiting for interest rates to go down. Thanks ♥️

Participants will complete an online questionnaire which will take approximately 20-30 minutes. We are seeking adults who meet the following criteria: Having completed the adoption of at least one child through one of the following methods:foster-to-adopt, private adoption-domestic, public adoption-domestic, or intercountry adoption. One partner per relationship can participate. Can read and speak English. Age 18 and over.

To Participate: https://kennesaw.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6XoEePpxo8WThno

This is very difficult for me to post.

Especially after reading so many other people’s issues.

Right now I feel like I just need to get if off my chest because I don’t have the heart to tell my wife yet.

We are in the stages of adopting a teenager with Autism/ADHD who was super excited to come to our home for the first time this past week.

He doesn’t speak in full sentences ever. 1-3 sometimes 4 words at max.

We introduced him to his new room, put a picture of us as a family on his wall. Gave him new toys. Downloaded games he wanted to the switch. Have given him attention as well as giving him space to decompress & be in silence or listen to his music.

We have also made sure he has been washing his hands properly, taking his showers properly, using deodorant. not eating junk food or sugar all day. Aside from the properly part these are all things he has already implemented at his foster home.

The biggest point of contention is his iPad. We have allowed several hours a day on it but if he had his way he would be on it from sun up to sun down.

Yesterday we took him back & he was so excited to go back to the foster home. Which was the same excitement he had coming here except he didn’t want to go back to the foster home when he got here, now he is not even asking when he is coming back. Was very upset when we were still getting ready to leave. Was upset when stopping for gas.

Yesterday I heard the only voice message he had on his iPad which was him singing the day before in a very depressed voice but FULL SENTENCE & HARMONY

“Life in prison, life is prison, life in prison is very very sad”

Which originally I thought was the lumilee song from the Mario movie.

I just realized he changed the lyrics from “Life is sad, Prison is sad, Life in prison is very, very sad”

I’m kind of beside myself. We have done a lot to try and make him feel as comfortable as possible but it seems we are also apart of his idea of prison. I realize that some people with autism speak of it being like prison.

I just can’t get over how happy he was to go back to the foster home.

I’m not faulting him for his feelings & realize it may not be exactly what we are making of it. He possibly had this idea of his new home allowing him everything he wants whenever he wants & he is realizing that a new family would have structure too.

Still can’t help this gut wrenching feeling of defeat after thinking he was going to be excited with a new life.

Hearing him sing in a full sentence about being in prison makes my heart feel like it’s being ripped in two.

My wife cried enough yesterday so no way am I giving her this new revelation right now.

That’s all I have, all of our other ups & downs have been expected. Especially with a teenager who has ASD/ADHD. The process is not supposed to be easy.

I needed to vent somewhere & I feel like I can’t for some reason. 🤐

My son, age 7, came to live with us through CPS involvement at age 7 months. His adoption was finalized when he was 2.5 years old. His biological mom is my sister in law (husband's sister). He had only one visit with her when he was 8 months old. She died about a year and a half ago due to substance use.

We talk openly about adoption in our family and while our son doesn't ask a lot of questions or seem to want to know much I take the opportunity to bring it up when it comes up and we celebrate the adoption day with a "family day" each year. I do my best to maintain a relationship with his older biological half sister who lives with her biological father. He also has two younger bio half brothers and I'm in contact with one of their adoptive families. I've passed my contact info along to the other family but have never received contact.

We don't know who our son's biological father is. Birth mom told told everyone it was her boyfriend at the time when she was pregnant. He sadly overdoesd and died during her pregnancy. His family became quite close to my SIL and my son early on before he entered foster care.

We've maintained a relationship with this family and have seen then 1-2 times a year, when they ask. However a few years ago, when our son was about 3 or 4, we decided to pursue genetic testing with the alleged paternal uncle and learned that he was not related to our son. This was really sad news. We communicated with the uncle which was an awful conversation. However, he was worried about telling his mother who is very old and decided not to tell her the truth.

We of course care about them all and don't want to cause pain. However, my son does not ask about them and honestly seems uncomfortable when we visit them since it is so infrequent. He has never asked who they are and we've always just referred to them as "friends".

My concern is that it feels really wrong. Like my son is being used for this elderly woman's comfort/happiness. She doesn't know the truth and believes that he is her grandson, the only child of her dead son. She has been nothing but respectful to my family but it just feels wrong to me.

They've reached out to visit and I'm struggling on what to do. I feel like my need to make situations comfortable for others is getting in the way a bit here but also don't realistically see lasting harm in a quick visit.

Any thoughts here? At this point maybe I should just ask my son if he wants to see them. I don't even know that he'd remember them because our visits have been so infrequent.

I guess my thought is that these people are pretty insignificant to his life, although he is very significant to theirs. But his significance is based on a lie and that feels uncomfortable to maintain if it will impact my son.

Not sure if any of this makes any sense, but I'm open to feedback!

Does anyone have anymore information on this US State Department Press Release:

Status of Intercountry Adoptions in People’s Republic of China

Status of Intercountry Adoptions in People’s Republic of China

Last Updated: September 6, 2024

The Department of State received a notification from the People’s Republic of China (PRC) Ministry of Civil Affairs (MCA) stating the following:  

...beginning August 28, 2024, except for foreigners adopting stepchildren and children of collateral relatives within three generations in China, civil affairs departments across China will no longer carry out foreign adoption work.  

We know this announcement caused great concern for prospective adoptive parents who have been matched with Chinese children through the Hague adoption process.  

We are seeking written clarification from PRC authorities regarding the impact on intercountry adoption cases already in process and will maintain close communication with Adoption Service Providers (ASPs) and prospective adoptive parents. 

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/News/Intercountry-Adoption-News/status-of-intercountry-adoptions-in-people-s-republic-of-china--.html

Our adoption agency is not responding to questions.

My ad was adopted at 7 internationally and she’s always struggled with attachment issues. We later adopted her older brother when he was 13 so she has grown up with someone that adores her. She’s always missed her first mom, family and culture but that’s another post for another day.

She’s now 19 and lives an hour away but has completely distanced herself from our family and her bio brother. She’s partying a lot and unfortunately puts herself into very unsafe situations. She will come into town to go to the beach and not stop home. She’s always been close to her 4 siblings but has even cut them out of her life.

We are not sure what to do about coming home Thanksgiving and Christmas. She wants to come home because her boyfriend will be in town visiting, not to see any of us but to have a place to stay so she can be with him. How do i place healthy boundaries in our home with college aged adoptees? I feel as if we are strangers and I’m utterly exhausted. It’s one poor decision after the next. I’m simply lost. My counselor told me to let her go and be done. There is no financial need at college as she has my Gi Bill and a healthy stipend—I feel that’s the problem as she has “too much”. In counseling they would always advise us to keep her world small—2 choices. Now it’s endless choices with lots of resources.

Anyone walk through a hard season with a college aged adoptee?

Hi everyone! I (F29) am going to be adopting my 6 year old niece due to family circumstances. My younger sister is an addict and she is not capable of caring for her. She lost custody to my grandparents just after she was about 2 years old & they’ve been caring for her pretty much full time since she was 1. My grandparents were also adamant that she would stay with them until they passed away, but my dad has convinced them that the transition will be easier now since she’s young & that it’s not fair for her to have to take care of her aging great-grandparents & she should get to experience being a kid.

I am SO excited for her to come and stay with me, I love her so much and I have so much love to give her. My heart breaks for her because my sisters and I were in her shoes growing up. I am, however, going to be a single parent & a first time parent so I was hoping for some friendly parenting advice and tips on how to get things ready around my apartment or other considerations when adopting a school aged child.

Hello,

My husband and I have just adopted our daughter. Our family is in love. Our beautiful daughter is multiracial, Black, White and Asian. The biological father cut off all contact with BM once she notified him of her pregnancy. The birth father is Asian and Black. We want to do everything we can to make sure her culture is acknowledged in our home. We do not know where his Asian ethnicity is from. How do we navigate this? Any suggestions?

Hello all, please take this post as me rambling and also reaching for support. We’ve had a pre-adoptive placement of a now 12 year old girl for a year. We met her at 10 and she came to us at 11. She has significant trauma in her short life. She has been in over 40 placements and lived in a residential program before she moved in with us.

I say this because we knew she was going to need support and were ready to do our best. As soon as she was in our home we have done youth villages, in home therapy, outside therapy, family therapy, mentor programs, art therapy. You name it, we have tried it. But it seems like no progress has been made. She refused to go to therapy and will throw a fit. She also would not engage with the services people provided at home and will ignore them or flat out refuse to engage. So, we changed therapists looking for the right fit. We found a wonderful mentor who is a prior foster child and recently she has cursed at her and doesn’t engage with her well unless I’m present at all times re-directing her and that is hitting its limit too. We have a new in home therapist who is also prior foster child and has done high intensive care and we are praying this will work. Because unfortunately, we have considered disrupting.

It makes me feel horrible because I want to help this child and want to help this child have a good life and improve on her trauma but I feel like I’m hitting a wall. I know it can take years but if we could only see just one tiny improvement, we would continue.

We get called by the her school daily (she is in a special behavioral small class school.) Sometimes we get called twice or three times! Either because she is being aggressive, cursing, threatening or refusing to do things. She yells at my husband all the time an escalates with him bit she won’t do it to me. However, I can’t be around all the time. She has shown manipulative behavior to us and her boyfriend which we have addressed and helped her explore what need she is trying to fill or avoid by doing it but now she just shrugs.

We use terms of endearment to try to connect like: “honey” and “dear” but then she tells my husband who wakes her up and makes her breakfast not to talk to her like that. Which he has stopped but I know he feels hurt but continue to try and care for her. She refers to us as “this girl” or “bro” which we constantly correct. We have never asked for us to be referred to as mom or dad but at least use our names!

We have asked help from the system and we have gotten the therapy services but I’m not sure what else can be done. We are reaching our wits end and I don’t want to give up but it’s taking a toll and I don’t know what to do.

Please no judgement as I don’t need any more reason to harbor resentment. No, she isn’t better off in foster care and no, there isn’t anybody else who can take her.

How does one cope with the animosity?

We gained custody of our 13yo niece when my FIL passed. She is the first child from my SIL who has been an addict going on 15 years. It’s not fair to her and I hate what she endured but it’s also not fair to us and I have been practically the only source of goodness in her entire life. I am not responsible for her trauma but I still have to exhaust myself to mitigate it.

It’s been about a year and a half and it’s truly not terrible, it could be so much worse. But it’s still so hard. It having the capability of being harder doesn’t take away from how frustrating it can be.

So I guess I’m just asking from anyone in similar situations, how they cope, connect, discipline, budget, ect. I fear that I have enabled somewhat of a monster for fear of Cinderella syndrome.

At what point after we’ve acknowledged that while her trauma is not her fault, do we teach that it is still her responsibility to cope with appropriately? Given that we provide the resources and guidance, of course. But adulthood is hard and the world isn’t going to care about what made someone the way they are. There reaches an age where one has to begin to take accountability for their own actions, regardless of what brought them there.

I am essentially terrified that this arrangement will turn into a forever situation for us if we can’t instill in her how to be a functioning human within the last 5 years before she hits legal adulthood.

And the care is genuinely there. It’s not just an “I want her out”. But there’s obviously so much nuance to the situation. I’m constantly battling the resentment of the exhaustion she causes me and wondering if it will all be for nothing, when this isn’t even something I enthusiastically signed up for but rather was thrust upon me unexpectedly with no out that wouldn’t drastically cause her further harm.

Oof. I don’t take resentment out on her but please be kind because I don’t even feel comfortable harboring it given the fragility of her situation.

I am curious if anyone has had a similar situation. We have an open adoption with our daughter, who we adopted at birth. We recently learned her older, full bio sister is in foster care in a different state. Not only that but also there has been a notice that the parent’s rights are being involuntarily terminated if they don’t show up to court.

We don’t know the circumstances around why or if she has a permanent placement established in the event rights are terminated. If she doesn’t, is it strange we want to adopt her so she can be with her sister?

We have an attorney helping us navigate this, as we want to be sensitive to the situation and do what’s right for both girls. And bare minimum, we might be able to make contact so we can support a relationship as the girls get older.

Has anyone had an experience like this? And if so, what was it like and/or how did it turn out?

My husband and I are considering DIA (we live in the US). We've talked to a few people who've been down this road and read some stories online--both positive and downright upsetting--about experiences with infant adoption. Would anyone care to share how the process went for them and what parenting an adopted infant is like? Would you recommend DIA? What is your interaction with your child's birth parent(s) like? What do you know now that you wish you knew starting out? Thanks in advance for anything you can share!

My adult child recently reached out to her birth mom. She's always know she was adopted. In foster care due to abuse, neglect, these adoptions are never open. I completely understand her curiosity, it's still hard. I don't want her getting hurt. Note I'm getting some messages that I'm not being a good mom please let me make this clear She was not good to not only my daughter but four other children she had....

Join Isaac Etter and Tony Hynes for a powerful discussion on fostering belonging in schools from the perspective of adoption professionals. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, educator, or advocate, this event will provide practical strategies and personal stories to help support adopted and looked-after students.

Event Details:

• 📅 Date: Thursday, November 7, 2024
• ⏰ Time: 7:00 PM CST
• 📍 Location: Online
• 🎟️ Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/strengthening-school-belonging-insights-from-adoption-professionals-tickets-1024985769027?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

What to Expect:

• Personal Stories from adoptees and adoption educators
• Practical Strategies to build connectedness and belonging in schools
• Interactive Q&A to deepen your understanding

This event is designed for anyone passionate about creating inclusive and supportive school environments. Can’t attend live? A recording will be available to all registrants.

I’m very new to this process, and of course I’m trying to learn as much as possible. My husband and I are looking to build/grow our family through adoption. I would love to be a foster parent, however, I do really want to have a family with my husband, and I’m not sure if our needs match fostering, as I know the goal is to reunify with their biological family. (And obviously I support that, but I also know we might not be able to adopt any children through fostering) my question is, are there children in foster care, available to adopt right away? Like parental rights have already been relinquished? Or should I pursue an adoption agency?

We’re not opposed to siblings groups, or anything like that, but would ideally like the adopt younger children as I feel that would be a better fit for us since we don’t have experience raising children yet.

P.S I’m sorry if anything sounds insensitive or anything, I just am trying to figure everything out, thank you!

Has anyone ever worked with Mustard seed adoption consultants? I have been meeting with several and really liked MSAC but have not found many reviews. If you worked with a consultant agency, please leave a comment letting me know your experience and if you would recommend Who you used.

I know it's called "foster to adopt", but all fostering is an attempt to get the child back with the bio parent. Long story short--I can't have kids. After some processing, I think I may want to adopt. I have actually been interested in adopting since I was a teen. I've always been very aware of the climate/environment and our society, and I have always felt like adopting is a good thing if you are capable. We are in our mid 30s, from average families with parents who are both still married. Experiencing infertility was surprisingly rough, but I've spent a few years coming to terms with it. I'm now realizing that maybe we can help change someone's life in foster care and what would be even better is if it led to adoption.

There are a few things I feel pretty strongly about. I'm really only open to kids about 6/7 or so and younger and I don't think I could foster over and over again. Eventually I think I would really like to adopt. But what are the chances of an adoption happening from foster care? And depending on the situation, I don't see myself always being open to a fully open adoption and I'd rather a semi-open one. At least until they can make their own decision.

Does foster to adopt ever really end in an adoption often? Or is it a rare thing that happens? Going this avenue, does it mean it will always be an open adoption if it turns into adoption? I'm not about secrecy or even keeping them from contact, but it really depends on the situation imo, in regards to boundaries after that point. Also, going this avenue, is it even possible to take in younger kids? We only have room for one or maybe 2 of the same gender, but I'm not even sure if that would be accepted due to having a smaller house. I'm just trying to be realistic of continuing getting info from this agency. The info session was very basic.

Hi there. I 28yo female and my husband 30yo male are fostering and in the process of adopting a 16yo female. She was placed with us August 1st and adoption will be finalized in February some time. Now to my question - I left for my first solo trip for 4 days and my daughter stayed back with my husband. They met up with her bio grandma and bio grandma was drinking and this triggered my daughter and she called me very worried. We were able to get her and my husband out of the situation while not causing a scene. They went on with their day and went home and all was well. I on the other hand kept having panic attacks hearing her worried voice in my head and panicking cause I was so far away unable to help. Obviously I know I cannot struggle with postpartum but is this something other people have experiencing leaving their adoptive child for the first time? I don’t have anyone in my life that has adopted to talk to.

Hi, are most posters here new to adoption or just starting their adoption journey? Can we have a chat for parents who are long passed the adoption process and wanting to connect with other APs?

My wife and I are starting to look around at adoption options and then coming here and seeing that our state is a trainwreck does anyone know of a good place to start looking around.

We talked with a friend who adopted but that place seems to have completely shut down even before the last adoption they went through. That already feels extremely sketchy and I would hate to effectively steal a child which some of the stories I've read seem like.

Hi! I read in a couple places that an Adoption Profile book shouldn’t be more than 10-12 pages long, but everywhere I can find that does photo book printing does a minimum of 20 pages.

Where did y’all get your profile books printed? Did you end up just having to add blank pages or some other kind of filler?

UPDATE: I ended up going to my local print shop (thank you for that suggestion!) and getting them to print and spiral bind the books. Thanks for all the advice and ideas!!

Hey all, currently in the NICU and have been for 7 days with our new son (he’s a little over 2 weeks old now). His birth mom told the doctors she was on fentanyl and meth. So as soon as he was born they started the NAS process and started giving him 2 syringes of morphine every 3 hours and started weaning him every couple days. A test just came back that takes 2 weeks and he only tested positive for the amphetimines, not for fentanyl. And you don’t get withdrawal symptoms from meth. So now he’s literally been in the hospital 2 weeks for an addiction they created to morphine and were trying to get him off morphine now. I can’t be too upset about it because the mom told them she was on fentanyl so what can you do. But anyone else experience this?

We have been ttc for 3 yrs with no luck. We have tried natural (ended in miscarriage at week 11), IVF and IUI. I'm 42 and my husband is 40. I have MS which is very stable (my neuro has already said she will write me a letter) but my husband got pneumonia and which has caused him to go into kidney failure. He is doing well with dialysis and is on the transplant list. I am so scared to even try because I don't know if I can take them telling us no. This is our only option at this point. (Note we have always talked about eventually adopting so this isnt a decision out of desperation). Does anyone have any advice on where to start or if we should even try?

I thought it was some really good thought-and conversation-provoking adoption-themed stuff. Tell me what you thought of it if you’ve seen it.