Hello community. I am an adoptee in closed adoption situation (32yo) and a mother finding myself unable to care for my daughter currently. I was hoping to hear from adoptees on this post. When I ask the questions for discussion, please keep in mind that not all variables are considered here. For example: there are many situations we’re an adoptee would rather be adopted in a closed situation due to abuse/neglect in the first parents home.

That said, my first question to adoptees in open or closed adoptions:

Would you rather have been in a legal guardianship or in an open adoption? For those in situations where you know your birth/first life donor/parent (BP) I am asking to know mainly what your relationship is like with your BP’s, if there is one?

Second, if a shared custody situation with an adopted family could be allowed, as long as the relationship with your BP is safe and solid, would you rather have this so you can maintain a significant relationship with your BP?

I was emancipated at 16 from my adoptive home due to various forms of abuse, so I have had to deal a lot with not feeling a part of any family, due to my adoption being closed and my adoptive parents perpetuating unsafe situations for myself. I have felt like a lone wolf and in many ways it has helped and in so many other ways it has hindered my ability to trust and grow in any type of relationship. I wish I had the opportunity to know my birth parents, despite being told not so many good things about them. I wanted to feel a connection somewhere.

I’m over the concept of adoption and how so many people say it’s sometimes the best option. I would like to have the judicial system and society, in general, to start considering shared custody situations or permanent legal guardianships. Perhaps the rights and custody of both parties (parents) are shared in order to allow children to eventually be able to make more concrete decisions about their own situations.

Hi,

I am a current undergraduate student at the George Washington University. I am writing a research paper for my writing course on adoption (only my prof. will be reading it), specifically about microaggressions due to being adopted. I am a Kazakh adoptee so this topic is very important to me.

Much research is done on minority adoptees in white families, like Asian adoptees with white families. I am curious about the experience of white adoptees in minority adoptive families such as white adoptees in Asian adoptive families (that is just one example).

I am interested in finding out if white adoptees face similar microaggressions or different types of microaggression or if they even face any microaggressions at all!

I have attached a google form that has some questions that will help me write this research paper! The survey is completely anonymous and optional. I know that surveys are not typically allowed here but I'm hoping this can be an exception since this is pretty much the only idea I've come up with sharing my survey.

Again, this is completely anonymous and optional and the only person who will read this paper is my professor.

I look forward to any responses!

https://forms.gle/H7fqzjVBMFPuEoro8

Hi! This is Julia Gale. I am a student at Penn State University, and I am working on a project as part of the Public Humanities Fellowship. I’m working on a project that explores adoptees’ perspectives on abortion. As an adoptee myself, I’ve often encountered the assumption that because I have had what is often referred to as a “successful” adoption, I must inherently hold a pro-life viewpoint. 

The goal of this project is not to promote any specific agenda or create a narrative, but to provide adoptees with a space to share their authentic thoughts on the subject. The purpose is to uplift adoptees, ensure our voices are heard, and illuminate the diverse experiences and viewpoints within the adoptee community. It is important that the world sees adoptees as individuals with diverse perspectives, rather than reducing them to a single idea or reinforcing stereotypes.

You can easily respond by filling out this Google Form: https://forms.gle/LSiWzkEpMWY7uhpm7

Prompt responses can also be submitted on Instagram through direct message on Instagram @juliagigi.gale or through email at juliagigigale@gmail.com 

Project Website:

https://juliagigigale.wixsite.com/my-site-4

All responses shared in this project are personal perspectives and do not represent the views of all adoptees. Respectful and open-minded engagement with diverse viewpoints is encouraged.

Note: I originally posted this in April and June but I am reposting it for those who may not have seen it or are new to the forum.

I was gave away when I was a baby, I had a twin but she died a couple of weeks before my adopted mom found me. My adopted mother was around her 50s when she got me. Before she already had more other 3 adopted and 5 biologic. But all of them grow up people by the time she got me. She comes from a military background and talk about feelings or praise others it wasn’t something common. There are other that was part of my life, close, as I grow up, people like my godmother which is one of her biologic daughters and she has a lot issues, but somehow she decided to take a role as a second figure mother. We all lived at the same house ( I mean the godmother and the adopted mother. I always was very passive, empathetic and hid my feelings pretty well, never felt I could have any dialogue with any one of the familly and when I tried o was gaslight or they look like I was saying something crazy nosence just for try to speak up. I never was the type that show anger or speak back sort of thing, again I kept all very polite and kept focusing on my own business. This was all until my 28 when I decide to move to another country very far away. As I was adapting to the new country and felt more stable I decided to cut off contact with everyone. I got into a common law relationship and had a baby. After that I felt my instincts and my sense of belonging became very stronger. Somehow I can’t stand to talk with anyone of my adopted family, I feel some repulsive feeling, like I don’t matched to their family at all and pretend started to make me feel sick.. Now my adoptive mother is on her 95 years, and I still send photos from my baby for my mom to see through my godmother since she can’t do technology. And I don’t feel shamed, or guilty by not involving anyone of my adopted familly into my personal life ( they are very problematic people). There are more to the story but this post it’s already too long…The truth is I know my mother and my crazy godmother are hurt by my decision, but I can’t shake the feeling “between my peace, myself and them, I chose me, no more be empathetic, no more coping in ways that are not authentic to me)….so I think I wanted to share my story. I don’t know if anyone has similar feelings or went something similar…would like to hear..

Content warning: Mention of sexual assault

Okay... so I need to add a lot of context here. I have a somewhat open adoption, specifically with the maternal side of my biological family. The way my adopted family handled my connection with my birth family was definitely not perfect at all, but I recognize I am lucky to have been able to know such a large portion of my birth family.

I was told I was adopted when I pretty young maybe 3 or 4, basically as soon as I could understand. My adoptive parents also explained who my bio mom was and I saw her regularly. When I was a little older, 9 or 10, I was told a bit about my conception/birth story. I was definitely not supposed to be told this as my adoptive and bio moms didn't want me to know. I was told I was conceived by rape. I didn't really know what that meant at the time, though I knew it was bad. I asked my adoptive mother and she explained it to me in the most age appropriate terms she could.

So I believed this for most of my life. I never talked to my bio mom about this because I felt like that was an invasion of privacy. I will mention that my adoptive mother had talked about some inconsistencies in my bio mother's story about that night.

She had originally said she didn't know this man at all and that she was at a frat party almost blackout drunk. Then it changed, she did know him and they went out once before and she wasn't actually black out drunk but still not sober. And then it wasn't at a frat party it was in the dorms. I didn't think much of this as my adoptive mother didn't really say this to invalidate the story. She was complaining about my adoption getting held up because they were legally required to look for my bio father once my bio mom said she knew who he was.

So last year, I was told by another family member supposedly what actually happened. According to this person my bio mom admitted she wasn't raped but made up the story because my grandparents were very Christian and she would've been cut off while in school for premarital sex. This is totally plausible.

Additionally racism may have been the main reason I was adopted. My bio grandfather is not talked about in the family as he and my grandma had a messy divorce so I know little about him. My bio dad is Mexican and even though I ended up very white they didn't know that would be the case before I was born. The town I grew up in was pretty racist and historically had been much worse so again totally plausible.

However, I am really scared to ask my bio mom to confirm. I feel awful even thinking about asking her. I hate that I'm doubting the original story and I don't even want to come close to implying that I don't believe her. And I have no idea how to ask if my grandfather was super racist.

But I honestly have no idea and the uncertainty is killing me. I spent most of my life not wanting to know my birth dad, believing he was a terrible person. But if he's not, I'd like to look for him to some degree. I doubt he'd meet me, but I need to know at least what he looks like. And I want to know if there's anyone else related to me on that side of the family I could meet. I have no idea how to even go about initiating this conversation. And I can't help feeling guilty about this whole thing.

Any advice, or should I just give up on ever knowing these things?

Hi everyone! Share your thoughts by completing our survey, and you could win a $100 gift card!

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If you met your bio dad, and he passed away without a proper discussion around the past, and you were now tasked with trying to heal old wounds and one was confronting your step moms lack of interest in you for years... but your step mom lied about your past to your dad's friends, to make herself the victim, making his friends dislike you... would you be honest anyway about your feelings and tell the world, or would you stay silent to keep the peace?

My bio dad died.. my step mom revealed she never cared about me when I told her how I felt about the past (she was always cold to me). She told everyone I always hated her.... when the truth is that I just wanted her to love me... I never asked for things... I never got into arguments with her... not until I voiced my perspective this one time in a moment of grief and loss... she blocked me immediately.. without any hesitation.. I met her and my father when I was 17... I was just a kid.... I had no mother, and my only mother figure (bio mom didn't raise me) died right before I met her and my dad.... I am just so emotionally tired.... my chest hurts.... I feel sick. I keep crying out to the universe to make this pain stop, but it won't. I can't properly express how much I am hurting. The last 17 years... she merely "tolerated" me... My biological dad married her, despite the fact she had 2 kids already... but he wasn't allowed to let me live with them when I begged them as a young adult.. and I even had my dads grandchild with me... My dad kept photos of me all these years. I am 35. I learned more about him from going through his storage unit than I ever learned previously... He and I were quite alike. He would be so angry if he saw how she is treating me. She called me "Ed's daughter he never raised" to her Facebook friends... not "My Step daughter"... not "My sons sister"... and his friends felt bad for HER... because she made herself the victim... I WAS A KID... I was my dads kid....

I can't stop asking why she never wanted me... they even raised a girl that wasn't their biological child for a while... instead of me.... what was wrong with me?... why didn't she like me....

Basically I want to know if there's like a database or an app where we can connect as friends where we are all close together and we can actually meet up in person

Well, I know I'm going to spend the whole month saying the same shit over and over again, but yet here I am.

It's not about me. It's not about my "experience". It's not about feelings. It's not about my adoptive family, my biological family, my relationships with them, or how I feel about them. It's not about being angry or bitter or ungrateful (yes I see the irony) or resentful or playing the victim or any of the other insults tossed our direction to shut us up.

What I'm talking about is the morals, ethics, and legalities if what happened to all of us when we were adopted and how the next generation of disenfranchised children can be preserved from it all. No feelings, just facts.

Potential adopters really don't like it. I really don't care as long as something gets through their skulls. If I can save one kid from having their basic human rights violated and being trafficked like chattel all the abuse from the rainbows and unicorns crowd is worth it.

This is just a vent post. Feel free to skip if ya don't wanna listen to me complain about adoptive parents. This time, not my own lol.

So I have a friend I went through school with, we were involved in similar after school activities as a well. I always thought he was pretty cool, his family seemed nice. We remained friends on FB. Not sure he even knew I was adopted, honestly.

Well, he and his partner adopted some kids a few years ago. It was when I was really going through it trying to overcome my adoption trauma. It was really hard to see his happy posts about growing his family when I was learning that I was basically trafficked via adoption. So I deleted him off all my stuff so I wouldn't have to see the ickiness.

All was good. He never messaged asking why and I was cool with that bcs I still kind of maintained the friendship but also cut out the part I couldn't handle without making him feel bad. Maturity, lol.

But nah. Couple years later my adoptive parents see him with his kid and they tell me what a beautiful child he has and what a wonderful family they are 👍👍👍.

I'm at the stage of my adoption experience where I can finally pick and choose when I wanna share my knowledge of adoption horrors. So at this point, I did not.

But then yesterday he sends me a message saying how wonderful my adoptive parents are and how proud I should be of them and my "amazing" brother, who is also adopted.

It knocked the wind out of me. It's like all the work I've been doing the last few years was just puffed up in to smoke. I was back in the fight or flight mode. But, I kind of let it do it's thing for a bit. I thought about it before I responded. Maybe even waited the whole day.

And my response was really good. It was brief, but also got the point across about the trauma of adoption. It explained pretty much what I explaibed here.

His response was fairly shocking. He basically told me he doesn't believe in reunification and he is working on laws locally to prevent it or something. He actually is a locally well known community organizer. This dude definitely isn't an adoptee himself either. It fucking floored me. I did my best to respond respectfully but, he told me it's best for us both to just not discuss bcs we might "traumatize each other". Lol.

What in the actuall hell is wrong with these people? Why are they such narcissistic assholes? He literally said he doesn't wanna be made to feel bad about how he started his family. I think it was me explaining why that's messed up was what he didn't wanna hear.

Don't know why I am sharing this here. I'm guessing I just needed to get it out. Thanks and sorry if you read this whole thing.

I was raised by my grandparents VIA kinship. My mother was a houseless drug addict and my father was as well when I was born. My mother fled to her home state with me after drug addicts kicked down their apartment door demanding they be paid back after some drug deal. Anyway, my grandparents took me in. My mom was never around much, just off and on a little but she had no maternal instinct. My father would call when I was young and promise to send me gifts occasionally, but they never came. Eventually my grandparents told them to stop coming around because all they would do is hurt me. I was very young when this occured. When I was 17 my grandmother died suddenly from an illness. When this happened my grandfather gave me my biological dads number. We met for the first time. He flew me out to Boston and it felt great. I felt like we really connected. We kept in contact for years and years on social media and he and his wife came out to see us 2X. I also went to see them a few times... fast forward to now. I am 35. My dad just died suddenly at the age of 57. I am sick to my stomach thinking about all the times I begged them to move out to be near us and all the times I asked if they could come for Christmas. They would go to Europe all of the time... multiple times a year... Eventually my step mothers biological daughter had a son, too and they would visit her semi-regularly. I just... was never looked at the same as their kids. It's always messed me up emotionally. There is a hole in my heart that I can't fill and now that my dad has passed away all the feelings are flooding. I don't know what to do. I got mad at my step mom because she always seemed so cold to me. Their family prioritized her family. I remember asking to live with them when I was 22 after my grandfather died and my first sons father left me. We were at risk of becoming homeless (I was a stay at home mom at the time he left and had to scramble to figure everything out). She denied letting me stay with them. My dad was so angry. I brought up some of my feelings about the past and my step mom blocked me and told her family "I am glad I don't have to put up with her anymore". Then as I made the mistake of sharing some of my feelings on my Facebook she began telling my dads friends that I am a liar and that I always hated her... All I wanted was for her to love me. All I wanted was to be a part of their family. I am sick to my stomach. I haven't slept much in 2 days. I haven't eaten. I didn't know where else to turn for emotional support...

Join Isaac Etter and Tony Hynes for a powerful discussion on fostering belonging in schools from the perspective of adoption professionals. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, educator, or advocate, this event will provide practical strategies and personal stories to help support adopted and looked-after students.

Event Details:

• 📅 Date: Thursday, November 7, 2024
• ⏰ Time: 7:00 PM CST
• 📍 Location: Online
• 🎟️ Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/strengthening-school-belonging-insights-from-adoption-professionals-tickets-1024985769027?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

What to Expect:

• Personal Stories from adoptees and adoption educators
• Practical Strategies to build connectedness and belonging in schools
• Interactive Q&A to deepen your understanding

This event is designed for anyone passionate about creating inclusive and supportive school environments. Can’t attend live? A recording will be available to all registrants.

Swedish Inga-Lill Lundström, a midwife/nurse/Swedish expat/entrepreneur from Karlstad Hospital, ran a home for disabled individuals in Negombo in the 1980s on behalf of the organization Maria Aid Association. According to accusations, she was also allegedly running a "baby farm" there. Together with her Sri Lankan network — Anton Fernando from Negombo and Pilamina Agnes Fernando—they facilitated several hundred adoptions to wealthy countries, primarily to Sweden and Europe.

IL-Lundström and A-Fernando have, since the late 1970s-1980s (still operating), built a business around international adoptions from Sri Lanka to Sweden, earning large sums of money. Both have used their network and documents from their time working with private adoptions in Sri Lanka to arrange reunions for Swedish adoptive families and adopted children through one of her companies Globala Ceylontrips, operated in Karlstad, Sweden.

IL-Lundstrom systematically contacted all the adoptive parents she had assisted with adoptions and offered them her "private adoption reunions," promoting herself as having an extensive network capable of locating biological family members. Some adoptive parents reported feeling pressured to participate, as they perceived her to require significant sums of money for her travel expenses.

There have been several occasions that adoptive parents and adoptive children have discovered the adoptions have been linked to irregularities, such as providing false information to adoptive parents, manipulating documents and use of fake people pretending to be the biological mother or other family members.

Their involvement in organizing return trips for adopted children they were previously connected with raises many questions. If there is evidence that they knowingly profited from improper adoptions, it could potentially form the basis for an investigation into crimes such as fraud or document forgery, even if it happened many years ago. In adoption practices, ethical guidelines often prohibit key individuals from capitalizing on adoptions through subsequent services—especially if they were directly involved in the process from the beginning.

Their “hidden business” has received criticism and is seen by many as unethical since it generates significant income from both the adoptions and the reunions. Many believe it is wrong to capitalize on people’s search for their roots and identity in cases where adoptions have already been marked by serious issues.

In Sweden, adoptees and their families have begun to organize to push for better regulation and oversight of international adoptions, with some adoptees also advocating for restitution and support from the state. This movement may eventually lead to stricter oversight of those offering adoption-related services.

A-Fernando owns luxurious house in Sri Lanka/Negombo with pool and staff. From there, he runs operations for return trips for adoptees who are located through previous networks.

It is known that Sri Lanka has many criminals who worked with child trafficking owner to controversial orphanages, operating “baby farms,” and adoption networks in various rich countries that had cooperation with people who worked with children. Figures like Nelson (Neil) Silva, Dawn de Silva, Rukmani Thavanesan-Fernando and Chandra Perera and the caregivers, were previously involved. They not only placed children abroad, but also ran the homes for mothers and young children in Sri Lanka and involvement in child trafficking. Sri Lankan authorities were aware of organised criminal activities but did not stop the trafficking of children. Hospitals, homes, lawyers, agents and adoption facilitators participated in the trafficking of children.
Dawn de Silva was not just involved in facilitating the adoption of Sri Lankan children; she also operated a travel agency that offered holiday packages to prospective adoptive parents, complete with hotel accommodations in Colombo or at her beachfront hotel. Her business operated on a meticulously structured pricing system with carefully calculated fees for various services and goods. The adoptive parents were required to pay numerous fees and gratuities and bring specific gifts, such as a ladies' watch, a Swiss army knife, and a video recorder. Additionally, Dawn de Silva imposed strict secrecy on the prospective parents, warning them that any breach of this rule would result in them being sent back home without a child.

On the reunion trips several adoptees have reported having to pay from +$4700 to IL-Lundstrom and then feeling pressured to pay additional amounts for personal assistance in locating biological family members by Inga-lill and A-Fernando's network.

In some cases, these “family members” have turned out to be manipulated or completely fabricated individuals, a fact discovered when they refused DNA tests or wore face coverings that made them difficult to identify. Many adoptees have been strongly questioned when they asked for proof or were denied direct contact with their alleged biological families. This has led to significant frustration and insecurity among adoptees who simply want clarity regarding their background and origins.

There have also been concerns raised about IL-Lundstrom’s behavior, as she has reportedly spoken negatively about adoptees on multiple occasions and leaked private, sensitive information about them to other adoptive parents on her reunions. This lack of discretion and respect for adoptees’ privacy has sparked strong criticism and created a sense of insecurity among many who have come into contact with her.

Inga-Lill Lundström started the reunion trips in the 90s. Each reunion trip she had from few up to 60 adopted children + parents and siblings and she divided them into two groups.

From a report discussing issues related to alleged "baby farms" in Sri Lanka, particularly concerning the case of Inga-Lill Lundström and the Maria Aid Association in the 1980s.

"A representative from the Sri Lankan authorities publicly acknowledged the existence of 'baby farms' for the first time in 2017. To this day, there has been no international or national investigation into the matter. Such an institution was first exposed in 1982. At that time, the focus of both the Sri Lankan and international press was on Swedish nurse Inga-Lill Lundstrom, who, on behalf of the Maria Aid Association, ran a care home for the disabled in Negombo. According to allegations, she was also operating a 'baby farm' there. The police conducted a raid at the location, where they arrested several pregnant women and infants and detained the manager. She is said to have then met with a representative from the Swedish embassy and a lawyer at the Sri Lankan immigration authority. However, the embassy's representation reassured the situation, stating that she had a visa and, furthermore, a recommendation from the Ministry of Social Welfare for operating the care home".

Do you have personal experiences with these individuals or their reunions? Feel free to share your stories.

Anyone find your birth parents and feel like you have more similarities to them than your adoptive parents? My husband has recently figured out who his birth parents are. He has two brothers and a sister on his dad’s side and a sister on his mom’s. We have kind of figured out who they are from afar. His adopted dad and him have a pretty crappy relationship (alcoholic, napoleon complex) and it has always affected him. He and his birth dad are insanely similar in hobbies, interests and career. His birth mother is also adopted and she also has a similar career path, interests, etc as him…he feels a strong pull towards them figuring this type of stuff out and hates that he had the life with his adopted dad that he did, feels robbed honestly is what he said.

Did any other adoptees find that they got along better or felt more connected to their birth parents or vice versa? I am trying to help support him without pressing the issue…he’s struggling with reaching out to them or just leaving it be…he said he’s afraid of “being rejected again” from what we gathered his birth dad has no idea he even existed and his birth mom thought a different man was his dad and wasn’t ready to have a baby as she was young…I guess I’m just looking for perspectives from others in a similar situation.

Hi everyone,

I have more or less, a multifaceted question. I was adopted at birth into a very inconsistent family. Only child, often struggled to feel secure at home, struggled to make friends. Only really ever had one friend that would either drop me as a friend or moved schools. I have always found it difficult to make friends, despite my very social and talkative demeanor. It wasn't until the moving process with my boyfriend that I started to feel this very vulnerable and fragile feeling around the idea of other people (Friends, family, boyfriend's friends & family) touching, moving, unpacking our stuff. I've always been "bonded" with material items, stuffed animals, toys, etc. I don't have trouble getting rid of stuff that doesn't have a purpose anymore but I get very upset if something I do care about is broken, ruined, thrown away, etc. I was doing some reading on abandonment trauma, adoption trauma etc and I couldn't find any literature on whether adoptees can have issues with bonding to material items versus people. Has anyone else had this happen before? Do you think it is possible to develop this form of attachment issues?

The Adult Adoptee Movement had a talk with Paul Sunderland this past Sunday. They posted the recording of this talk today on their site adultadoptee.org.uk and on YouTube. Here is the link if you are interested in viewing it https://youtu.be/g8njTJVfsVA. Thank you AAM for putting this together and for sharing this with us.

So, I was adopted. I have 3 sons. 1 of my sons also got adopted 19 years ago. Gonna do ancestry DNA. But, trying to make TWO trees, one for biological DNA roots, one for my adoptive family if he wants to know. GAHH this is complicated. My bio dad died, my adoptive mom died, and adoptive dad was csc sa abuser but the only one to trace the AP tree, bio mom well, we dont really talk. I sent her the tree link.

A brief background for context: I didn’t find out I was adopted until I was around 24 years old. I had a case worker assigned to me by the state to help learn more about my adoption. I live in CA which is a closed state adoption policy, so I was only able to get non identifying information on my bio mom. I lost contact with my case worker during the pandemic and then about 2-3 months ago I was contacted by a search group who found me on ancestry where I left my email to contact me. They have been helping me track down my bio family and about 2 weeks ago I found out I have a half sister on my bio dad’s side.

I was raised by my adoptive mom as an only child. I have a lot of emotional trauma in regards to family and am naturally guarded. I didn’t have anyone to rely on but myself since I was raised an only child in a small family. My adoptive mom’s family has a lot of emotional trauma among other things and are emotionally dysfunctional.

As soon as the search group reached out to me, to tell me the news about having a sister, they asked if they could share my number with her. I figured why not? As I didn’t come all this way to start acting wishy washy now. But not even 10 mins later my bio sister was already calling me! I was shocked and unprepared so after about 15 mins or so I made up an excuse to hang up.

I typically take a long time to process things fully and move slow but I feel like things are moving way faster than I’d like. I’m not looking for another family. One is enough and comes with enough baggage. I sort of just want information and answers. But everyone keeps acting like this is the grandest thing in the world and assuming I’m happy. My bio sister has several siblings (different dad) and 5 children! All of a sudden I have nieces and nephews and a lot more extended family.

To them they are just adding one more person to their family but for me it is like a whole bunch of strangers moving too damn fast :/ I’ve been texting my sister a little back and forth and she just asked if she could give her brother my number which I think is kind of weird? We aren’t related so what could he want my number for??? He is her older brother but we are all adults and they are both older than me by at least a decade.

I am having a difficult time trying to figure out how I should go forward in this as I am realizing my distrust of family in general and trauma are affecting more than I would have thought :/

Edit: I am also doing all this secretly without my adoptive mom knowing despite me still living at home with her

Ok so I’m 44. Was adopted at 36 hours old by two amazing humans. I bonded with them and they gave me a picture perfect childhood. I have nothing but fond memories.

They were always honest with me and told me I was adopted. Which I’m so glad they did.

When I was 20 I found my birth mom. We have had a relationship ever since. She is a really great person and her parents made her give me up and she had a lot of Trauma from that. We’ve touched on it over the years but I didn’t really feel like I had any trauma or was missing out. I felt, and still do, very blessed because all the way around I had good people in my life that loved me and wanted the best for me. And so many others don’t get that love.

But my mom died in January of 2023. My dad had died years ago. I was an only child and no one in the family that raised me has talked to me since my mom’s passing. That’s been hard. Like I’m not really a part of the family that raised me.

So my husband and kids vacation with my birth mother RC, I’ll call her, every year. It’s always a great time.

But we went to stay with them last week and my son and I didn’t want to leave. We essentially have no family where we live and seeing my son run around with his cousins and playing did something to me.

I had a mental breakdown over it when we got home and self destructed and went on a self medicated drunken bender for two days. Thank goodness my husband is wonderful and loves me unconditionally and supports me through each little “episode” I’ve had since 2020 about my adoption. Idk why it all changed then but it did and I keep encountering new feelings about it all. I woke up Monday and called my therapist to work through whatever this is.

All that to say… I now want to dig into my ancestry some more and actually learn where I came from. I’ve don’t ancestry DNA. So has my birth mom and her father. And I have a half sister on my biological dad’s side that’s tested.

I’ve heard of search angels but don’t even know where to begin. Does anyone have advise on a search angel to help me?

i’m only adopted by one parent and the parent who signed his rights over is honestly a POS narcissist. and i swear he acts so entitled to my time and energy! trying to act like it’s MY job to make sure i visit HIM and call and check on HIM. it’s insane like how do you choose drugs and your new family over even trying to be involved with your daughter and then when you feel the time is right and she is of legal age you decide that you’re going to reach out then act like she needs to make the relationship with you work not the other way around. as if you didn’t miss out on 18 years of her life because you’re selfish!!!!! sorry i had to rant hopefully someone here can relate but this is bs!

Anyone else REPEATEDLY get this thrown in their face in various ways throughout their life whenever someone is pissed at or disagrees with you? Like, no one would say after your child dies, "you don't have kids" in anger, or after a spouse does, "you don"t have a husband/wife", but, its FONE for non adootees to sling this like a rock at adoptees in arguments?! EVERY long term relationship (2 husbands, anyone I lived with for any length of time) etc has done this shit in some form or another IF I stayed long enough, then they wondered why I wandered like, no thanks!