My friend and I were insulting eachother's mothers jokingly making each insult worse and worse until I, (having been gone two years, missing the death of his father shortly after I left), insulted his dad. After I did there were three seconds of full silence, three seconds may not sound like much but go from two people talking fast and loud to nothing right away.. It will feel like forever.

Gave on of my employees a document in another language so she could analyze it and describe it for me, she really just translated it, and I didn't stop her, even though I really didn't need her to translate it since I can speak the other language as well.

Sorry, barkeep.

At lunch, buying a pack of cigarettes from the store next to where I work. I'm in my uniform with a huge company logo on the t-shirt, and the cashier asks me, "So, do you work for [company name]?" And I was like, "nah, I'm just a big fan." And I was totally going to then say, "Just kidding, yeah I do." Except my phone rang and I answered it, took my change and left. Wasn't until several minutes later when I realized what a huge dick I looked like.