My husband is in BMT at Lackland and is going into his 4th week. Everything I’ve read says he’ll get a phone call during week 3 but I didn’t get a call from him. I got a letter from him but no phone call.

Did this happen to anyone else? Or can anyone advise why the call may not have happened?

Hi guys, ill be commissioning in a month and then I'll be heading off to training. My husband has been incredible about supporting me and I couldn't be more grateful. However it's been stressful for him looking forward knowing how tenuous job security is going to be with us moving every two to four years, doesn't help that my first assignment is a training base in the middle of nowhere. He's a medical worker which I'm hoping will be some help to him to find employment no matter where we end up, but he also career motivated and having to move often and sometimes to more remote bases doesn't bode well for a stable pathway up the ladder for any career. Any spouses have advice for how I can best support him? Any male spouses have personal insight? For those with male spouses, have you found that your coworkers accepted your husband as a friend along with you? Anyone in the medical field have experiences to share? Are there any resources or support groups that I should be aware of that I can pass along to him? Thanks!

First deployment. We had a fight before he left. We discussed it briefly through email after he left, but never had the chance to actually call to talk in detail about what led to the argument. But we had both agreed to try things again when he returns. Everything was okay for a while. He would reach out to me every week. We would catch up on life, remind each other how much we love each other and how committed we are to keeping our relationship alive. Then halfway through, the contact on his side just stopped. It’s been 2 months and I feel like I’m starting to fight my mind a lot. I want to think I’ll hear back from him but the anxious part of me wonders if he’s not doing okay, if he’s still upset at me, or wants nothing to do with me (— all irrational thinking to what he’s been telling me.) Another part of me is going through stages of grief. I have moments of missing him and longing for him, moments of regret for the fight, small moments of anger at the whole situation. The moments of hope and faith that are there. He’s my best friend and I don’t have any desire to be with anyone else. I think about the happy moments I shared with him and how much I’ve grown with him. But lately the pain has set in so much more. I don’t want to let go of him, I’m scared that I unconsciously am. I’ve been crying more often about missing him. Overall I think I’m just going a lil crazy. I’ve been keeping myself distracted through various hobbies and friendships but there’s only so much I can do. That’s why I’m venting here on reddit.

Please correct me on any terms/processes, I’ve never been very familiar with the military.

My husband went on deployment for the army in 2022 after we married. Due to me traveling, we did not have the documents I needed to register on DEERE at the time to receive my military spouse ID and file the correct spousal paperwork before he left. We were assured by other members that we would receive back pay for being married during his deployment, and that his pay would be adjusted afterward.

One year after his return and each of his superiors just put us through a loop of getting nowhere in regards to this. He has submitted the necessary paperwork to compensate us, but it becomes radio silent with everyone he is referenced to.

Can somebody please guide us in the right direction to getting this finally resolved? We have been amazed how unresponsive the references are allowed to be! Please correct me if my understanding of this is wrong or if you need more information about the situation.

If you don’t mind, Please share your experiences and what the day to day looks like. Thanks!

I’m really not sure where to ask this and I’m hoping some of you can help. My husband has been back from his deployment for 4 months now. Since his return he hasn’t been able to preform in the bedroom( cannot get excited/hard.) He says he is really excited and it’s not me, but just nothing happens down there. He said he is too embarrassed to go talk to the doctor. Does anyone have advice or delt with this before? Thank you!

I’m the spouse and I’m really struggling with how empty this lifestyle feels. I feel like I’ve completely shelved my life, my interests, my needs and desires and taken a back seat to my husband’s career.

We spent the first 4-5 years of our relationship in my home state and it was easy then, even if he was deployed or TDY constantly. At least then, I had my friends, family, career and the option to pursue other interests and the option to live my life too. It felt like the life I had pictured for myself.

Now we are oconus and I’m finding… this really isn’t what I want. I wanted to travel, yes, but living abroad is different. I miss my family so much, I’m very close to them. I’m missing out on my sister’s young kids growing up and I don’t want to grow apart from them. I want to pursue my career interests. When we have kids, I want them to know their grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. I want to have baby showers with my family and for everyone to experience each other. I worry about my dad’s health and if I only see him 1-5 times and one day he’s gone, am I going to regret being so far away? This is a huge contingency for me and I feel so selfish for realizing this after the fact. I need stability and security.

Why can’t I have both, a husband I adore and my family too?

I don’t want to be far from family, I don’t want to settle for whatever job is available on base, I don’t want to be alone in a random country while my husband is away.

My husband has been very understanding and always encourages me to do what makes me happy. He spent a year in Korea and while I tried to move with him, ultimately I felt very empty and returned home after a few months. We are now in Japan until 2027 and again, I’m feeling so empty and unfulfilled living a life that doesn’t make sense to me.

I wonder if a long distance relationship with a goal of settling near my home is sustainable and just wondering if anyone else has opted to not follow their husband around? It feels so… counter productive to me to try. I want him and I want this life, but how do we build a life if we’re always long distance? It sucks.

He has 3 years in Japan and 7 left until retirement. In the big picture, it’s a small sacrifice to get through? I know it won’t always be this way? So I want long distance for now and to go home for the final 4 years… obviously this is a conversation to have with hubs. I’m kind of just venting.

Before anyone gives me a hard time and says “I know what I signed up for”… sure. I did. But I also think you can’t REALLY know how you’ll feel about something until you’re living it. And right now, I feel lost.

So I was speaking to a recruiter due to my education background I can’t go in as an officer in the navy. With the pay and benefits for my kids! Also the schooling I want to do I’ll be able to do it and not have student loans.

It’s something I’m considering. But I’m married have been for 4 years with this man for 13 years. My oldest is 14 and his bio dad sees him on weekends and such. I have primary. If I join would my oldest be made to live with his bio dad? If so my son told me he would run away or kill his self. So I need to know what would happen. If he’s forced to his bio dad then I’ll not join. We have had issues with bio dad for years but justice doesn’t care unless there is a bruise. So I just need to know what happens in this type of situation. Maybe someone else has been through this?

Blue Star Families is a nonprofit working for military-connected families and trying to make changes to military life, to make it better.

If you want them to know how you feel so they can tell the people who matter, take this survey: https://syracuseuniversity.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_e9BwlAdIYXbvqLQ?RID=MLRP_er1UwioyedulICa&Q_CHL=email

You can take it if you are: just dating, engaged, married, are serving, have served, any branch, guard or active, a gold star family member, a sibling, a parent, or a Veteran family.

But if we don’t know how you feel, we can’t bring the data to the people who can actually change things (like pay, BAH, spouse employment help, child care, etc.)

My husband will be completing basic training at Lackland this may. Has anyone gone with a 1 month old? If so, do you recommend? Thank you

on april 2nd, so just 2 weeks go, my gf left for BCT/AIT. the first week, i was devastated. i cried almost everyday because i felt so empty inside and lonely. i was busy throughout the day so that kind of kept my mind off of it. then at night is when it all would hit me. it’s still been kind of difficult to even sleep or get out of bed in the morning. i try to get out of my room but i end up just back in it thinking abt her. sometimes it feels like it won’t get better. we are long distance even before she left for bootcamp. but we were otp talking to each other everyday basically doing everything together. we’ve been inseparable ever since we started dating, even before. we been together for a year and 4 months already. now it sucks because now we’re not in contact. the original plan was she won’t be coming back home until late september. but then recently she ended up hurting her hip and is now on crutches. i was told by the end of this week, they were going to decided if they want to medically discharge her or not. if she doesn’t get discharged, she would be coming home late october since she missed a little more than a week already from the healing process. it also sucks because i can’t even be there for her while she’s hurt.. i’ve seen a lot of supporting and helping people. so if anyone has advice, i’d love to hear

Hi there! Me and my husband will be PCSing to Yokosuka this fall. We just got married and currently live in different states (Ca and Pa). We’re planning on PCSing out of his family’s house (all the big house stuff is there and the registry items) My question is what is the best method to get my belongings from CA to PA? We’ve thought about just driving it across ourselves, my parents have offered to give me their Navy retirement move (I don’t want to use it for such a small amount of stuff though), and when my husband was in OCS someone told him we could maybe use the UAB?? Is that possible? I’ve always thought all the moving stuff had to be from the same address, and the weight limit keeps changing depending where I look online so I’m kinda lost. Any advice is appreciated, but please be kind <3

Hello, I am a little confused as to how to get my military ID. Can someone dumb it down for me? Am I needing to do the 1172 form or is that just for my husband? I know I am in the system as he took my social and id before training to be imputed.

i just needed to rant! just a little bit, i don’t wanna come as annoying but i just miss my boyfriend. saying goodbye to him at the airport and watching him walk away was one of the hardest things i had to do. it makes me feel a little better though, we both have polaroids of each other in our wallets and we both wrote notes on the back so we could look at them whenever we missed each other. i cant wait for him to be able to call! i also have a journal where i’m just writing my day to day stuff for him to read when he gets back. he graduates at the beginning of june and then he goes to tech school until the end of november. luckily, it’s only a 6 hour drive so if he can go off base for weekends i can go see him a few times. any ideas on how to cope with it? i know he wouldn’t want me moping around and being sad (trying to stay busy with day to day things and work).

Hey guys, my boyfriend (Army, not sure if it matters) might voluntarily deploy out of the country this year. During BMT, he only got a few minutes of phone time a couple days a week, so we were mostly sending letters back and forth. It’s just so hard to wait for his letters to come in!! He told me they were very strict with phones in BMT, but ultimately it depended on who was in charge (I think?). Is this how phone time works during deployments too? Are they strict with phone time, or can they use it whenever they have free time/ signal? Is the main form of communication still letters? Please just give me insight on how contact works for deployment 🥹🙏

Hi,

I am new to this, I am a foreign soon to be wife to a Navy. I hope someone can help me. me and my fiancé is planning to get married soon. Our plan is to use his last name in our Marriage certificate. My question is, will it be a problem getting DEERS and other ID’s if I won’t change my passport to his last name and keep it as it is with my maiden name or is it necessary to change my passport and change it into his last name? I hope someone can help me with this.

Appreciate your replies.

There has been infidelity in my marriage, but we are working on recovery. His scheduled 2 day drill has changed to a 4 day. This is very triggering for me and my therapist suggested requesting some form of official proof to assuage the anxiety.

I just want to be educated in what I request, so I can't be lied to.

My (25 f) boyfriend (25) of 2 years goes through a cycle every few months. He gets super busy and overworked, he’s volunteering for more work to get ranked up. But then he just becomes exhausted and it’s like he can’t be a loving partner anymore. He gets annoyed super easily, he’s keeping his distance, and is just so unhappy.

And then when I express dissatisfaction with this, he gets really upset. I try not to take any of this personal. Luckily we don’t live together yet, we’re talking about doing it in a few months if he gets his rank. But now I’m having doubts. It’s really hard being around someone who gets annoyed with you and lacks romantic feelings when he’s overworked.

I wish there was a way for him to cope better, but I’m not sure if there is? Has anyone else experienced this?

How often are you and your soldier in contact, I'm wondering. Like are you on call all the time or text all day besides when they are in the field or deployed? Or just rarely even when not deployed. Just curious :)

Hello. I’m usually a Reddit lurker and very shy by nature. I (32F) have a husband (31M) who just got to AF BMT tonight. In my hometown I don’t really have many friends, or at least friends that will understand this lifestyle. I barely know it myself. I guess I’m just looking for someone to talk to on here or even guidance from those who would understand. Just any tips, general advice, or a kind word for a first timer. As background we have known each other since his freshman year of high school and dated previously during high school(we did take a break to do some growing up naturally). We have been together 11 years now and have started from the bottom in a lot of ways. Our whole worlds have been each other for such a long time. I feel like the world has flipped itself and I’m sort of caught in the tide. I am proud of him and want to support his dreams. I must admit at points I’m very depressed though. Anyways. I’ve seen a lot of helpful people on here and I guess I figured I’d try and reach out to like minds. Anything is appreciated.

Hi there. This is my first time writing one of these so I’ll try to lay it all out.

I (24F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been dating for close to two years now and he has just recently at the beginning of this month gone into Air Force Bootcamp. He will not be graduating until late May.

I have always known that he was going to go into the Air force and I’ve entirely supported him throughout our entire relationship as it is a major life goal for him. Likewise, I’ve entirely accepted the role of a military gf and have no real issues with it.

However, here is where my issue comes in. I am the type of person who has a hard time trusting my partner in my relationships due to the past, but i’ve learned to be very clear about my boundaries and allowed there to be room to discuss if my partner felt like any of those boundaries were unfair. One boundary I have is that I don’t like for my boyfriend to have new female friendships that I don’t know about or that he omits from me.

He’s a Big gamer (and i am too) so in the past i’ve caught him adding and talking to girls from games while i’m asleep or at work but never in front of me. At that time I expressed to him why that bothered me and that even though it wasnt as extreme as cheating it felt like a betrayal because he knew i would be uncomfortable with it and did it anyways. (i should add that at this time he was very emotionally physically and overall distanced from the relationship even though we were living together, and preferring to talk and play with these other random girls than me which hurt) We talked about it and he said he wouldn’t do it again.

However cut to current day. I visited his parents to check up on how they were doing and they asked me for some help closing a membership he no longer needed and I need to access his computer to do so. When i logged into his computer his discord automatically opened and i noticed he had messages from someone named “Vivian” but I do not know or have heard of any friend named that so i did decide to look at their messages.

The messages started on 12/25/2023. So this past christmas. At first they seemed innocent of “How are you/What kind of games do you play/etc” Through those messages I found out that she had messaged him on some mobile game he plays and asked him to add her on discord.

What bothered me from this interaction was that unprompted he asked her what she looked like and when she sent a photo he said “Very Pretty!!” . From this photo and some of their texts i gleamed that she is asian and from hong king and can speak english but isn’t 100% fluent if that makes sense. she just says thank you and then proceeds to talk about how she had spaghetti for dinner. in the messages she says she “loves creamy flavors” to which he responds “i Love it creamy” (ew?) she responds with “really?” and he says “oh yeah”.

She then does not text him back so he double texts her “hi” 30 minutes later. She doesn’t respond to him again.

My question is 1. am i wrong to be bothered by this? 2. should i ask him about it in a letter or should i wait until graduation or just let it go?

Any advice would be appreciated because I am not sure at all how to go about this and even though my friends tell me to confront him I would prefer some advice from people who have a Military SO.

Hi my boyfriend is in the airforce he is currently training in the honor guard he graduates in June but he doesn’t plan on coming back home until August for his break anyways we are planning to get married during that time he’s here and I also may move with him to that state does anybody know what that process will be like? Like getting married and moving to a whole different state?

Hey y’all! My boyfriend’s on deployment (Air Force) until October and it has been tough and I know a lot of people go through this! I was thinking about starting a chat or something just to help everyone and talk things out? Not sure if anyone would want to/ if it’s allowed? Just wanna meet some people going through something similar because no one around me really has dealt with this.

We’ve been dating a year (known for 2) and have a good foundation: we’ve been distance for the last year… we started dating right before he was stationed across the country (Alabama to Seattle). I’m still in school, so we decided to wait to move together because neither of us would be comfortable making me switch schools. Just let me know guys! Much love 🩵

(ignore my name hahah made this years ago)

Hello everyone! I’m a new military spouse and I’m located in Tijuana, MX. I really want to move out to Colorado with my husband but for the time being I’m staying here with my parents until my husband gets us a little bit more acquainted in CO. I would like to use my CAA scholarship for billing and coding so by the time I move I’ll be able to have some sort of career (WFH) but I can’t access the website because I’m logging in from Mexico. Have any of you been in a similar situation and have been able to use a VPN to access .mil websites? I know the simple solution would be to start when I’m already in Colorado with my husband but I want to be ahead of the move so we can both have an income by the time I get there. Please don’t be rude in the comments, this is a genuine concern. Thank you!

Has anybody here gone to the divorce classes on base at San Diego (32nd St/Wetside)? The 1hr class on a Mon, Tue & Thr, all within the same week, to then get hooked up with whatever legal resources the military offers? There is a 20 seat limit, so I'm trying to see if it's worth trying to get off work early all in the same week to do this, just not sure if it's worth it, just curious if anybody has actually utilized legal services here. I know the military doesn't actually represent you in court for divorce proceedings. Thanks in advance to anybody that has any info or advice! For reference: no kids, no debt, no real estate, no assets worth anything together, and married under 5 years.

My BF just came back after 7 months of deployment. Unfortunately, we are still long distance due to living several driving hours away from his base. I had to move while he was deployed. Prior to deployment, I lived an hour away from his base.

We just spent a long weekend together and I was in tears driving back this morning because of sadness. It was really lovely. But when I got home, I was trying to keep it together, crying but also trembling and shaking for a while.

How do folks keep it together post deployment while still living far away? This was my first deployment with him and the whole time I was waiting for it to be over...now it's over, and now what? It's hard to think about what to do next now that we are on the same continent, but still far away enough to not be able to see each other multiple times a week or even weekly.

We do have a trip planned a week from now for a few days but haven't planned yet on when we will see each other after that.

What should I expect post deployment in terms of relationship or his behavior? Or even what's typical to feel as a military SO during the post deployment period?

Part of me thinks we need to talk about our intentions and expectations of how often we visit each other. Another part wonders if it's too much, too soon since he just got back a week ago and might still be adjusting?

I just found out I am 6weeks pregnant and my Marine boyfriend is stationed two states away. We see each other once every other month for a few days and I became pregnant this last time he came to town. We are from the same hometown and reconnected two years into his five year contract. He has 1.5 years left. We were hoping he would get orders to Pendleton as his colleagues are all receiving orders but his keep getting delayed. He thinks he will have to finish his contract there.

I want to keep the baby but it would almost certainly mean being pregnant alone and being alone with the baby for the first 9 months of its life. I have a son from a previous relationship and cannot relocate us out of state.

What do I do? 😞 I’m considering aborting because it sounds so painful to be alone through all of this but I am already so attached.

I’m heartbroken.

So I met a guy in the military and he wants to sneak me on base for the night which I guess isn't allowed. I was just wondering can I get in trouble for this and how much? Also how much trouble would he get in if we get caught. Has anyone else done this and how is sneaking out in the morning too?

https://discord.gg/rQNh2tdj 🩵

if anyone is interested!

Hi lovelies,

My husband is shipping out this 30th April and will be graduating on 20th June (if everything goes right). He plans to invite his family members including me (4-5 total) to attend in Lackland AFB.

Problem: We are all foreign citizens on tourist visas with foreign passports, so none of us possess a US driver license nor any license that allows us to drive in the US.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or knows how to navigate such setback? I would take any advice please! Any tips on hotels that will allow easier transportation would be appreciated too!

TIA